- 3 hours ago
Adult Best Friends [Full Movie] [Official Release]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
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00:03:41Oh, it's a giant Mexican pepper.
00:03:44It's actually our favorite pepper, second only to the jalapeno.
00:03:49You'll love it, I promise.
00:03:50It's really good.
00:03:52I'm fine, thank you.
00:03:53Well, if you're not hungry, maybe you want a joke that I heard today made me think of you instantly.
00:03:59Okay, this is very good.
00:04:01Okay, so there are two pigs in a pit of mud and the wife pig turns to the husband and
00:04:07says...
00:04:08No, no, no, no, the husband says to the wife, you're right.
00:04:11You're right, you're right.
00:04:12The husband pig says to the wife, hey, did you see Farmer Jane?
00:04:16Should we get going?
00:04:17Parties are at 9 o'clock, so...
00:04:19Oh, you want to go to that?
00:04:21yeah really my throat feels kind of weird i feel like i don't know if i got everyone sick that
00:04:26i
00:04:27you don't feel warm no good no you feel cold do you not want to go
00:04:31is it crazy to stay here i mean we have food here blankets here i'm comfortable you're comfortable
00:04:37we could watch a movie yeah but hey if katie doesn't want to go out delaney i'd love to go
00:04:41out with you please don't make me go alone i'm nervous and i'll get too fucked up no you will
00:04:47not
00:04:50like she doesn't even come out anymore because she's always with her boyfriend john i know i did
00:04:56that his name is john john do you think she's okay i'm gonna go i'm gonna go meet her i
00:05:11don't like him
00:05:11is that wrong to say you know like if you don't like your best friend's boyfriend it's the way he
00:05:15makes her if that makes sense i'll be pied oh you know what though my my contacts are already out
00:05:26that's like a whole thing only here she moves in with him kind of fast if you ask me
00:05:33but nobody asked me i'm gonna go meet her for a little okay
00:05:43john yes he's hot i get it i see it but he's boring occupied i think she's fine
00:05:53yeah i'll come have sex how do you have the patience well we actually had an agreement that
00:06:03if i set up his wi-fi he promised to wear boxers under his shorts during our pt sessions oh
00:06:08well
00:06:08that could be worth it it's a give and a take yeah this looks nice right yeah i like it
00:06:13in the shade
00:06:14it's good uh oh i don't suppose i could get you to call her back maybe she gets so anxious
00:06:21when
00:06:21she's hungover no she does i just um i just how was it oh my uber is now 27 minutes
00:06:29away
00:06:29where are you i answered a 2 a.m text from this guy the drugger he got the more he
00:06:36talked about julia
00:06:37not next just a female friend he's clearly in love with did she hook up yes he asked me to
00:06:44role
00:06:44play uh wow like be a cheerleader or something that's oh i wish more like we're best friends
00:06:52and i suddenly see him in a new light oh my god i don't know where pizza to my apartment
00:06:56what do
00:06:56you want oh that sounds good no john and i are doing a picnic do you want to come you
00:07:02know what no
00:07:02i'll i'll just try you later okay bye all right bye well she's fine but she met a new guy
00:07:10and
00:07:13oh my god it's okay no no no it's okay it's okay as long as i have your undivided attention
00:07:19now
00:07:20yeah yeah when i first moved here it took me a while to get adjusted
00:07:25yeah you were mugged like three times that first week right well i thought everyone needed directions
00:07:30but then then i met you and you actually needed directions and i'm so so glad that i walked
00:07:40you into that coffee shop because you have made my life so much better than i ever thought that i
00:07:45deserved will you marry me yeah yeah
00:07:55i hate the art katie left here it's so gross it's sentimental okay well i live here now and i
00:08:01like actual art let me just ask katie if she wants it before we throw it away where is katie
00:08:06i feel
00:08:06like she's usually here by now like complaining about some ugly house she can't sell she's doing a
00:08:12picnic with john like eating on the ground yeah i feel so bad for her you know it's like she
00:08:19misses
00:08:19the party last night and now she has to waste her entire sunday doing a picnic with her boyfriend
00:08:24can i say something i really don't buy john's whole i'm such a nice guy thing like you're a pervert
00:08:30you literally touch old ladies all day that's his job he's a physical therapist for old people
00:08:36katie would fall for a pervert i mean she's clueless remember that time she got you like a briefcase
00:08:42filled with old papers for your birthday those are my great-grandparents birth certificates
00:08:46why would you want that she likes thoughtful surprises she's exactly like my sister she's
00:08:52nothing like your sister mary had one kid and now she won't shut up about her pelvic floor
00:08:57yeah mary's the worst and her baby isn't even cute i can't imagine having a baby right now
00:09:02it's actually disgusting to have a baby or getting married kill me but we're pretty far from that
00:09:08we like you and me no me and katie delaney what you and katie are on totally different paths
00:09:16i mean katie lives with her boyfriend they're very serious and you literally still like
00:09:21fuck the first guy who shares a cigarette with you
00:09:28we love you thank you oh thank you we love you so much thank you cannot wait to celebrate with
00:09:33you guys bye i love your family i love them did you see your sister was crying yeah no it's
00:09:41funny
00:09:41she's known for months how did i not find this ring oh the ring was in a box in a
00:09:45bin in an air vent
00:09:47in my office you would never find me that was never really playing it's so cool yeah no i didn't
00:09:52tell
00:09:52delaney what oh well i figured you wanted to tell her right yeah yeah so delaney has no idea
00:10:04no but we can call her right now maybe uh yeah um let's do let's call her later though because
00:10:09i
00:10:09think she's probably it's fine we'll just call her from my phone it'll be a big surprise i promise
00:10:13yeah hey hello you can just leave the pizza at the door and i'll grab it thank you
00:10:26does she not have my number safe no she does i think she does i thought you'd be pretty excited
00:10:33to tell her i am i really am i just i just want to tell her later right i know
00:10:43um i'm not her
00:10:46favorite person that is not true don she loves you it's just that she has a hard time with change
00:10:50you know when she was younger her parents sold the family minivan and she asked if she could go
00:10:54visit it at its new house that's really sweet of her to want to check in on it and then
00:11:01remember
00:11:01when i told her i was moving out she didn't talk to me for like two weeks and whenever i
00:11:08passed her
00:11:09door she'd be muttering benedict arnold right but but this this is a good change i know and i'm so
00:11:16excited and i love you so much and i and i cannot wait to get married but i i just
00:11:22want to make sure
00:11:23i tell her in the just in the right way for her okay
00:11:30so let's parking lot the holiday campaign and dig into the meat and taters of our spring
00:11:34into content campaign so this campaign is it's going to be a big lift so we really need to stop
00:11:40the scroll we need some big ideas we need some blue sky ideas and like we just like really need
00:11:46everybody on this but i was kind of thinking delaney maybe you could run a point for us
00:11:52i don't i don't really have the bandwidth for that right now i copy that luca it's all yours
00:12:00okay um wow yeah that's that is just that's amazing i do just want to flag that i'm working
00:12:06overtime on two major campaigns right now since delaney didn't have the bandwidth last month
00:12:10so it's just kind of all falling on my shoulders so that's that's totally fine i just do just want
00:12:15to flag that no and thank you for flagging that delaney do you think you could maybe like carve out
00:12:21some time to kind of tag team it yeah i i gotta flag that i'm spread pretty thin over here
00:12:28what are you working on delaney putting out fires what kind of fires big ones with employees that
00:12:34you don't know right and is that why your camera's always off no my camera's off luca because it's
00:12:39allowed to be off okay guys i should finish up with a round of peaks and valleys so my valley
00:12:45was
00:12:46missing last week's happy hour never has someone been so missed but my peak is that it's on the books
00:12:51for next week popcorn to delaney i guess my valley was editing luca's q4 pitch and then my peak was
00:13:01it's done now popcorn to alex you know
00:13:08my valley was at ryan and i hit a speed bump
00:13:13wow so he he wants to open up the relationship and i just i don't think that i have the
00:13:18sexual
00:13:18confidence to withstand it so we're taking some time apart to kind of ideate on next steps
00:13:25but alex are you okay how are you feeling you know like i was upset obviously i was really upset
00:13:33for a beat but then i had a one-on-one with my best friend you know we went out
00:13:36we got some drinks
00:13:37we blew off steam just like old times just the two of us and that like really really helped
00:13:42best friends just get it oh we're so aligned on that luca
00:13:47so what was dad's reaction we facetimed him quickly yeah he was really happy for us yeah
00:13:55and i mean not that happy oh come on he was really excited it seemed yeah or you need to
00:14:02call him
00:14:02after five speaking of alcoholics how did delaney take the news um she's was happy fine good
00:14:10delaney doesn't know yet katie wanted to tell her in her own way before we told anybody else
00:14:15that is so classic i uh do you know that delaney knew that our parents were getting divorced before
00:14:20i did is that true yeah i mean uh she's my best friend so i think you'd get it if
00:14:28you had a best
00:14:29friend well my wife is my best friend so daria who's your best friend no i'd rather not say we're
00:14:35each other's best friends yeah like normal adults delaney loves katie she'll be really happy once
00:14:43we tell her john have you ever heard of expectation recalibration therapy i was reading an article
00:14:48about it excuse me what article it's an article where was this article in the journals for doctor
00:14:55peat doctors henry have you been listening again to my sessions with my patients anyway expectation
00:15:02recalibration is basically a therapy where you work to accept that someone will never change right
00:15:06like they suck like medically and in your case that's delaney and in our case it's our dad
00:15:11so i mean daria confirmed that he's a narcissist i have never treated your father and i've never
00:15:16made any medical claims about him excuse me but you have i mean what are you talking about you know
00:15:21what are you i sent him 20 of my poems in the past year 20 and he never once told
00:15:28me that i was
00:15:29talented right i mean how hard is it to reply with a compliment how hard is it to like you
00:15:36know just
00:15:36say like a simple henry you are a brilliant artist right and it is a crime that you have to
00:15:41edit
00:15:41other people's much weaker novels instead of traveling the world on your own book tour right
00:15:46he is selfish katie and so is delaney yeah i hear you um i i don't think delaney's selfish i
00:15:53think
00:15:53she has a hard time with change daria was treating our neighbor the other day he would know he's a
00:15:57total
00:15:58freak daria i mean he gets off on lizards and let did he say blizzards or it was lizards it
00:16:03was
00:16:03lizards it was lizards he gets off on lizards and his wife wants to divorce him clearly and daria
00:16:09said something that i think applies here tell them the thing about the change oh well you know uh
00:16:17people's nerves about change they can be calmed by the familiar so you take them to a comfortable
00:16:24environment and you break the news it's kind of like you take your kids to their favorite ice
00:16:29cream shop and tell them you're getting a divorce i mean i think that's something that you should
00:16:33consider with delaney i mean she's about as mature as an eight-year-old so seen her hork down a
00:16:38pint of
00:16:39chubby hubby in one sitting so we know she likes ice cream
00:16:47yeah that's not a real basketball third from the left is cake you know i decided i don't even want
00:16:52cake at my birthday this year i actually think it's really weird to like bring out food and then make
00:16:56people eat it did you find a bar yet i'm gonna do it here i'm going for a very specific
00:17:02aesthetic so
00:17:02if you could not invite ah no i thought you'd be asleep ah katie i didn't know you still had
00:17:10a key
00:17:11uh delaney said i could keep one for emergencies what's the emergency um well this time it's not
00:17:16so much an emergency really as it is um a surprise for my best friend oh man i had actually
00:17:24had this
00:17:24whole thing planned that i was gonna sneak in and like put clues around the apartment but okay whatever
00:17:27since you're awake i'll just show you now what the fuck is that i planned us a mini beach vacation
00:17:39you don't seem excited what's there to be excited about katie it's the beach i'm excited i i really
00:17:44am um and that poster is that's your most thoughtful gift yet you see the umbrella i see the umbrella
00:17:51you know these trips can be kind of weird for me is john at least bringing a friend no no
00:17:56john's not
00:17:56coming why yeah why no reason i just thought it would be great for the two of us to go
00:18:05on a trip
00:18:05connect have some quality time like old times yes yes just like old times
00:18:13ew
00:18:51all right there we go nice we're here what time is
00:18:56check-in at the pelican palace surprise we aren't staying at the pelican palace right
00:19:02yeah i got us a i got us a rental house actually on wonder weekend wonder we can rentals kind
00:19:08of
00:19:08creep me out i don't like the idea of using other people's kitchen appliances but you're okay sleeping
00:19:12in a bed or a bunch of high schoolers just rounded the bases but the pelican palace is where all
00:19:16the
00:19:16parties end up i know imagine that noise wouldn't sleep a freaking wink is there a bar
00:19:25what at the rental house is it a shared space or private private
00:19:30and there's a lock box so we don't even have to meet the guy you found it
00:19:39gosh gps can be a little wonky here so so glad you guys figured it out how we doing
00:19:45are you uh are you uh douglas are you my fifth grade teacher just dougie's fine yeah i just asked
00:19:55because the the listing had said that there was a lock box so i didn't think we'd get to meet
00:19:59here she is yeah i love to walk everyone through the space first only because it's a really
00:20:05important place to me oh it was my mom's she uh she died here oh gosh no not in the
00:20:13front yard
00:20:14oh she died inside katie right so you must be delaney yeah i love that name family name
00:20:22who's my grandfather's oh my gosh i was named after my mom's brother who we don't talk to anymore he's
00:20:28uh he's a pedophile so oh i'm sorry oh no no no he was always cool with me yeah but
00:20:36uh called a lot
00:20:37you know when he was doing time yeah i guess inmates are like really hard on child predators
00:20:42i didn't mind saying hi then but once he got out and started coming here unannounced
00:20:46oh my gosh i keep talking and talking you guys probably just want to see inside right
00:20:51pretty cute huh i love it yeah mom left the place to meet my sister but
00:20:57lauren has a family now so she let me keep it all to myself
00:21:00ah score yeah oh all the art on the wall is for sale
00:21:08what little munchkin did these i am an artist yeah well technically my day job is medical sales but
00:21:15i've been working my tush off and is there a wi-fi password
00:21:19uh yeah it was in the welcome pamphlet that i sent over
00:21:24because guests are really supposed to read the pamphlet uh before they check in
00:21:27oh but it's okay i have a spare set of rules right here oh perfect oh i also threw in
00:21:35my
00:21:35favorite local spots you girls hot dog fans dingo's dog yeah yeah um we know it we used to
00:21:40come here near a little fun yeah sisters best friends i love uh best friends any big plans for
00:21:46best friends night um i think we'll probably hang here make a cheese plate you get plenty of cheese at
00:21:54home i thought we could go to a bar i mean i brought a lot of orange wine for us
00:22:00to drink here
00:22:01oh that's a no what is no alcohol on the premises that's ridiculous um what she means is we were
00:22:11really just gonna have a glass or two yeah no exception to the rules was it just a quick scam
00:22:16of
00:22:17the welcome email because no shoes is also a big one i can't sleep with the sound of stomping
00:22:24i thought this was a private space yeah the upstairs is your private domain
00:22:29i hang my hat in the subterranean domicile
00:22:33i live in the basement
00:22:39what are you doing head of file has this address okay well it's a good thing we're adults
00:22:43i look young
00:22:47so what happens when you stray from places you know and love your mom got staff at the pelican palace
00:22:51the pelican palace is fun they keep beers in the ice machine you prefer dirty ice over a literal
00:22:57deathbed yeah okay i put a lot of effort into planning this trip and i would like if we could
00:23:01at least relax and try to connect enjoy ourselves appreciate where we are
00:23:07ow
00:23:12cameras what the hell what they're where i worked at urban outfitters all right those cameras aren't even on
00:23:18people just see them and are less likely to steal do you see any ironic coffee table books for sale
00:23:24here
00:23:24because i don't dougie's boarding off shoplifters he's watching us get his rocks off he was not
00:23:29camped out in front of the monitor with his hands down his pants he's nice
00:23:35no no i'm not staying here all night and being one of dougie's cheese eating cam girls okay
00:23:40i'm going to a bar all night at a bar yeah
00:23:45shh shh
00:23:46thing is though if it's loud we won't really be able to talk
00:23:50we talk all day
00:23:53i know that's a good point
00:23:57yeah let's go to a bar
00:24:01man this place has really changed used to get packed i saw this pottery place in town and they
00:24:07have a morning class that teaches you how to make little bowls for your keys i kind of was hoping
00:24:11we'd
00:24:11sleep in yeah it's not till seven okay cheers to this weekend thank you for planning it um
00:24:19as you know we've had so many great memories here as friends and we've crossed so many milestones
00:24:23together and i thought it would be the perfect place to come to cross one more and i think that
00:24:30it's the most important thing we do if we are able to flourish together like two roses two two best
00:24:36friend i guess roses who um uh can i get a beer please that guy real hot who the helmet
00:24:43guy
00:24:46uh okay not why we're here um okay so i was saying we we have crossed so many milestones
00:24:52together here are his friends he looks like dennis fuller oh dennis fuller another loser
00:24:56should we go talk to him i'm in the middle of saying something okay um
00:25:06you gonna pick that up i'm gonna call him back
00:25:12uh i'm gonna be quick don't move
00:25:20sorry i had to get to a quiet place delaney dragged me to a bar you're not celebrating
00:25:25celebrating the proposal
00:25:29katie uh yeah yeah yeah yeah it cut it cut out for a sec um
00:25:33not yeah not yet you said that you would tell her by tonight no no i know i i was
00:25:37i was just about
00:25:38to when you called well daria sent over some invitation samples and she said we should pick
00:25:42one by next week okay yeah sounds good i'll send you some photos and then you can decide or i
00:25:48can
00:25:48decide to send me photos on the back uh whichever okay i'll i'll catch you later love you bye
00:25:57checking in all right you gotta check in i'm the social chair for sigma new so i got to plan
00:26:03this
00:26:03bachelor party for my almost bro-in-law and i always go big last month we had a naughty nuns
00:26:09and a frisky
00:26:10friars party friars like ball priests tell me what do you do uh finance okay humble do you follow
00:26:18crypto because he he created apex coin uh gq did vote at one of their up-and-coming coins of
00:26:23the year
00:26:23this year but it's not a big deal oh my god anybody could make this low itty b coin nobody
00:26:28oh so sorry sorry hey um i'm katie hey kaylee oh my god you look exactly like my twins look
00:26:36at
00:26:36the
00:26:39is apex coin funding any strippers this weekend i don't pay for intimate experiences i do
00:26:44i wanted one real bad i found one online that's so mean to you sorry about him the legend himself
00:26:51it's charlie delaney katie nice to meet you katie again do you think it was a bad idea to have
00:26:58a
00:26:58college junior playing my master party uh we're actually probably gonna head out
00:27:05oh would you actually mind opening these for us all good i got it oh no party flops
00:27:13yeah you didn't you didn't want to use your party flop you thank you one beer and we go
00:27:21one beer and we go
00:27:39let's go yeah let's fucking go i'm gonna fire up some tunes
00:27:48that smells fucking awful oh my god that smells so bad wait i didn't smell anything i didn't what's
00:27:54it smell like
00:27:58yo did anybody see a dog walk through here
00:28:03bottle opener on the bottom of a shoe stop smiling stop and then i don't know what kind of
00:28:08moron walks through dog shit and has no idea you don't even know how to get strippers for a bachelor
00:28:13party well not all guys like strippers that one i get yeah totally john really doesn't okay john
00:28:18actually doesn't because he has a sister he does you hung out with her like three times all right
00:28:26will you open the door
00:28:30you have the key you have the key
00:28:33no i have the key you wanted to carry it i have the key i don't have the key
00:28:41where'd it go it might have fallen on my pocket why can't you carry a purse i'm sorry i need
00:28:45to brush
00:28:45my teeth we can go back to the bar and look for them no you know what we have to
00:28:50do no yeah
00:28:54sorry again doggy oh that's fine i was only asleep for an hour okay good oh yeah sorry just pop
00:29:00those
00:29:01off for me oh yeah sorry it's just the rules thank you just forgot that's fine i love those flats
00:29:14oh sorry
00:29:18before you go back down to the basement what's the deal with the cameras oh my gosh i had to
00:29:24up my
00:29:24security after a nightmare renter you ever heard of a home birth
00:29:30but the cameras don't actually record oh no they're the real deal yeah no audio of course because
00:29:36you need a permit for that and no cameras in the bedrooms or bathrooms this was all in yeah in
00:29:43the
00:29:43welcome email yeah was it just a quick skim because we can pop a squat and look things over if
00:29:48you want
00:29:48oh no we should not pop any squats we'd like to go to bed and we'd like to watch tv
00:29:53alone do you guys
00:29:56know how to work the roku yes yes i saw that in the binder she saw the i cracked myself
00:30:02up i don't have
00:30:04a roku it was a trick question you fell right into my trap i'm really gonna need you to do
00:30:11a refresher
00:30:11the rules after i leave okay gonna need a verbal k from both of you okay
00:30:26and while i'm at it why don't i throw us all in a group text just in case of emergencies
00:30:31katie i have
00:30:32a few hundred digits but um delaney
00:30:42um
00:30:58what time is up it's early um it's really early go back to bed
00:31:10I'm gonna go get us coffees.
00:31:35It's a matter of privacy, Otto. I think it's a little weird for your friend's wife to post something before
00:31:39I, the bride, have posted anything, you know? I mean...
00:31:43But you told Delaney, right?
00:31:45Yes, yes. I... I told her we were engaged. I...
00:31:49Look, I will ask them to take it down.
00:31:51Okay. Yeah, I just don't want it up there. Okay.
00:31:54I gotta go.
00:31:55Yeah. All right, I love you. Bye.
00:31:58Hey.
00:32:01Hi. Hi.
00:32:02Hi. I almost didn't recognize you without the dog shit on your cat.
00:32:05Oh. That's funny.
00:32:08Too soon?
00:32:10I, um, sorry. I overheard you on the phone. I didn't realize you were a bride.
00:32:16Yeah. Yeah.
00:32:17Congratulations.
00:32:18Thank you. Thank you. It's, um, it's really recent. Um, and I'm really, really excited. I just need to figure
00:32:27out, um...
00:32:28I haven't told, uh, my best friend yet, uh, Delaney, who you met last night, so I just need to,
00:32:34you know, figure stuff out, so...
00:32:36What, she doesn't like him?
00:32:37Uh, you know, I mean, she's, she's not the most emotive person, so it can be, it can be, it
00:32:42was hard to tell in the beginning, but yeah, she likes him.
00:32:44Um, she does, yeah, she does like him.
00:32:47Yeah. Now say it one more time, but I want you to really mean it.
00:32:49She, she does like him, so...
00:32:52Look, a few of my friends weren't that happy for me when I got engaged.
00:32:56I think they're just freaked out that they think your fiancé's gonna hijack your life and they're never gonna see
00:33:01you again.
00:33:01I know, which is crazy.
00:33:02One of them just straight up stopped inviting me places because he said I don't know how to hang anymore.
00:33:08Right.
00:33:08Not that that's gonna happen to you, I think...
00:33:10No, no, I know, um...
00:33:13Yeah.
00:33:14Okay, good luck with, you know, enjoy your coffee.
00:33:18Yeah.
00:33:19Bye.
00:33:27You're up!
00:33:28What time is it?
00:33:29Time to get up.
00:33:30Cold brew, there you go.
00:33:33It's beautiful out, by the way.
00:33:34Where's my phone?
00:33:35Our phones are tucked away safely in the kitchen drawer.
00:33:39Why?
00:33:40Because today is about having fun without distractions.
00:33:44We're gonna float around untethered to technology just like when we were little.
00:33:47What happened to pottery?
00:33:49We're not going to pottery.
00:33:51We're gonna be wild, crazy, spontaneous.
00:33:54We are going off the grid.
00:33:56All right.
00:33:59You think there was a left bat there?
00:34:00I was following you.
00:34:02I'm following you.
00:34:03Why?
00:34:03I'm left-brained.
00:34:05No, I'm left-brained.
00:34:06Which one's the one that's bad at math?
00:34:08Because you're that one.
00:34:09That's very rude.
00:34:11You know, what's rude is those are my sneakers and you're wearing them and you didn't ask me.
00:34:14Katie?
00:34:15Gwen!
00:34:16Oh my God, hi.
00:34:18And Delaney.
00:34:19Hey, Gwen.
00:34:20Oh my God, wow.
00:34:21You two hanging out.
00:34:23It's like stepping back into 2008 again.
00:34:27I love it.
00:34:31You have a baby.
00:34:32Mm-hmm.
00:34:33Congratulations.
00:34:34Yeah, Max.
00:34:34She's a girl.
00:34:36She's amazing.
00:34:37She's such a great eater.
00:34:38She sleeps 8 to 8.
00:34:39Wow, that's awesome.
00:34:40Are you here for the weekend?
00:34:41Oh no, my partner and I, we live here full-time.
00:34:43Yeah, we moved away from the city, which was super scary.
00:34:45But, you know, I love it.
00:34:46Wait, did I say that you got married?
00:34:48Uh, no.
00:34:49No.
00:34:50Oh, you know what?
00:34:51I'm thinking about the other Katie in your grade.
00:34:53Yeah, the other Katie, she had her wedding featured on Nautical Nuptials.
00:34:56Amazing.
00:34:57Wow.
00:34:59Well, what are you up to today?
00:35:00We're probably just going to grab some food at the deli, actually, in town.
00:35:04Oh my God, their locks is what got me through my second trimester.
00:35:08Just the craziest cravings with this little one, you know, pistachios, fish, cottage cheese,
00:35:13butt stuff, whatever.
00:35:14You name it, I had it.
00:35:15Oh, crazy.
00:35:16IT alert, but we're actually having a BBQ at mine today.
00:35:19You should come.
00:35:20Is it a party?
00:35:21It's a BBQ.
00:35:22Yeah.
00:35:23Come.
00:35:30Sorry, we just, we get it a little crazy on the weekends.
00:35:34Well, I mean, as, you know, crazy as we can with a little one.
00:35:39Oh, wow.
00:35:40So, what is it you do, Theo?
00:35:43I'm a filmmaker.
00:35:45Yeah, commercials.
00:35:47Yeah, he just got back from Tokyo.
00:35:49Oh, wow.
00:35:50You know, I hear Japan's amazing.
00:35:52What commercial were you shooting?
00:35:54Um, it's nothing.
00:35:56Sweetie, just don't tell them.
00:35:58Oh, he's being so modest.
00:36:00He's being modest.
00:36:01He was shooting a watch commercial with Brad Pitt and Natalie Portman.
00:36:06Oh, wow.
00:36:07Uh, that's, that's so cool.
00:36:09Did you get to meet them?
00:36:10The celebrities?
00:36:12Yeah, it's not really why I do it, though.
00:36:14Hmm.
00:36:15Hmm.
00:36:17No, of course not.
00:36:19No.
00:36:19Yeah.
00:36:21Oh, hello.
00:36:22Oh.
00:36:22Oh, hi.
00:36:23Oh, no, careful.
00:36:24She, she, she can buy it.
00:36:25Oh.
00:36:25She does?
00:36:26Uh, well, yeah, I guess she really likes you.
00:36:30I mean, I've never seen her do that with anyone but me.
00:36:33Nerd, why don't you, why don't you come here?
00:36:35Come.
00:36:36Come on.
00:36:36Hey, come on.
00:36:38Nerd.
00:36:38Ooh.
00:36:41I think, um, yeah, I think it's your turn, Daddy.
00:36:43You know, I'm pretty sure I read in the book that it's better to let him cry it out, right?
00:36:47No, that's for, um, when we're putting her to sleep, babe.
00:36:50Yes, well, and nappies.
00:36:51No, no, not just nappies.
00:36:53Oh.
00:36:53No, she wants, she wants to come.
00:36:54Come on.
00:36:55Yeah, I want to, ah, yeah, okay.
00:36:58Oh.
00:36:59Oh.
00:37:00We're gonna look after the child as well.
00:37:02Come on.
00:37:04Yeah.
00:37:05Just excuse me, okay?
00:37:06No, that's okay.
00:37:06Okay.
00:37:08Very worried about the dog.
00:37:11I'm sorry, okay?
00:37:13I felt bad.
00:37:14I saw them wandering the neighborhood, looking longingly.
00:37:16All these families, what were they supposed to be?
00:37:19You could always invite strangers in this house.
00:37:21First it was the kitten in the garage, now it's these spinsters from your past.
00:37:26Baby, we have a child.
00:37:29We do?
00:37:30Wow, I just forgot about the 46 hours of labor and my torn anus.
00:37:35The chatty one is hiding something, and I know that you don't care.
00:37:38But the new keeps on fiddling with Noodle.
00:37:40I want them gone.
00:37:41I want my life back.
00:37:47Ladies, I couldn't find any weed but some ketamine.
00:37:52Fuck.
00:37:57Ow!
00:38:00Oh, it hit my spine.
00:38:03Oh, my God.
00:38:06Since when is petting a dog weird?
00:38:09It's not like I was only petting tail.
00:38:10I'm serious.
00:38:12Okay, well, I'm not hiding anything.
00:38:14They're just freaking nuts.
00:38:16Whatever, that's the most excitement they've seen in months, so.
00:38:18Yeah?
00:38:18Our partner just shot a commercial with Brad Pitt, but I hear you.
00:38:22Yeah, they clearly hate each other.
00:38:23Hate each other?
00:38:24Maybe they're a little tired.
00:38:26Just had a baby.
00:38:26Or maybe they were in love and then they had the baby, and now they hate each other.
00:38:31That's real nice.
00:38:32I'm sorry.
00:38:33That's the reason I don't want kids.
00:38:35All right.
00:38:35I know you want kids.
00:38:37I mean it.
00:38:38I don't want kids.
00:38:40Okay, you don't mean that.
00:38:41Don't say that.
00:38:43Um, I do mean it.
00:38:44I don't want kids.
00:38:46Delaney, you don't mean that.
00:38:47Stop.
00:38:48Can we not have this conversation?
00:38:51Because that really put a damper on my entire day.
00:38:53Yes.
00:38:54Okay, sorry.
00:38:54Um, okay.
00:38:57What do you want to do?
00:39:01Follow me, okay?
00:39:05Okay.
00:39:06Turn up the stereo
00:39:12Till everything right goes
00:39:19Life is a disco
00:39:24I'm going to get this with my name on it
00:39:26And she's going to get this with her name on it
00:39:31What's the other 2%?
00:39:33Um, Carol Beagle?
00:39:36Look how she has roles
00:39:37You don't love that
00:39:37Don't do that
00:39:38denken
00:39:39You don't need to
00:39:45Get back in the saddle
00:39:52This ain't no ghetto
00:39:58You're on the payroll
00:40:02No!
00:40:06No!
00:40:15No, they're very nimble
00:40:21Make a grown man cry
00:40:26Oh, my, oh, my
00:40:30Oh, my
00:40:37Really?
00:40:38Yes, he cuts his toenails in the car.
00:40:40That's a good thing.
00:40:40No.
00:40:41Shots!
00:40:42Keep it going all-nighter.
00:40:44Oh, hi, Kyle.
00:40:46You sure you're allowed back in here?
00:40:51Dude, I'm so embarrassed.
00:40:53How can we make this up to you?
00:40:55Um, I guess one of you could eat some dog shit.
00:40:58Shit, I'll do it.
00:40:59No, I'll do it.
00:41:01I'll do it.
00:41:02I'm so sorry that we keep subjecting you to this.
00:41:04Let's just do a round of fireball shots for everyone.
00:41:10You like fireball?
00:41:12I love fireball.
00:41:16Let's fucking go.
00:41:20What is with Phil?
00:41:22What's up, Kaylee?
00:41:24Oh, my God, dude.
00:41:26I gotta go to the bathroom.
00:41:27Well, we've been having so much fun.
00:41:29It's been hard to find the right time to tell her.
00:41:32Right.
00:41:33But more importantly, as soon as you tell her, it's gonna be weird.
00:41:37Uh, yeah, that too.
00:41:39All right, then don't think about it and just have fun.
00:41:41I can't not think about it.
00:41:44She is going to find out.
00:41:46Mm-hmm.
00:41:48Oh, my God, you're so stressed.
00:41:50I know.
00:41:51I know.
00:41:54I know.
00:41:55I know.
00:41:56Well, my fiance wants to try for kids as soon as we get married.
00:42:00Oh.
00:42:00So this will be the last time I see my friends for the next 18 years.
00:42:07That's so sad.
00:42:08I know.
00:42:09Don't say that.
00:42:10I agree.
00:42:10The fact is that we're getting older, and we're not gonna have a lot more weekends like this.
00:42:14We're not 80 years old.
00:42:15This is not your last hurrah.
00:42:17Do you know what a bachelor party is?
00:42:18By definition, it is a last hurrah.
00:42:20I think you're being dramatic.
00:42:22I don't think so.
00:42:26Maybe we get another drink?
00:42:28Yes.
00:42:28Is that an awful idea?
00:42:29No, it's a good idea.
00:42:31Okay, twist your arm?
00:42:32Twist my arm.
00:42:33I don't really do the whole American idealization of excess, supersize it thing.
00:42:37Well, except when it comes to real estate, because tiny homes scare me.
00:42:43Beijing.
00:42:44Hold those.
00:42:49What's his deal?
00:42:51Oh, he's a good dude.
00:42:52And he's, like, low-key rich now, too.
00:42:54But he only dates models.
00:42:56Sorry.
00:42:57Hey, um, are you single?
00:43:00Yeah, I'm single.
00:43:02Same.
00:43:03I mean, me and my boys have, like, a strict no-dating policy for junior year.
00:43:07I love that.
00:43:08I wish my friends got that.
00:43:11Could you be putting a good word with, uh, Tommy?
00:43:14Like to date?
00:43:15No.
00:43:16I'll like to smash.
00:43:17Yeah, I'll like to smash.
00:43:20Yeah, I'll ask him.
00:43:21Less of an ask and more of a temperature check.
00:43:23Just check it out for me.
00:43:24It's my mission to get you kissing.
00:43:28Oh!
00:43:29Phil!
00:43:30Tommy!
00:43:30Family fireball shots!
00:43:33Oh, fuck.
00:43:55I forgot to vote.
00:43:57Uh-uh.
00:43:58Guys, there's nothing open.
00:43:59We really don't need to force the night.
00:44:00No, no, no.
00:44:02We said all-nighter.
00:44:04We did.
00:44:04I feel like Tommy and Delaney still need to clap cheeks.
00:44:07What are you talking about?
00:44:09Nothing.
00:44:09He's drunk.
00:44:10Ignore him.
00:44:11Well, we would invite you back to the Pelican Palace Bar.
00:44:13Uh, but it is, I've been told, an out-of-order vending machine in the parking lot.
00:44:19Mm.
00:44:20So...
00:44:20That's correct.
00:44:21They can't host.
00:44:22Do you...
00:44:24You guys, should we just call it?
00:44:26Yes.
00:44:26No!
00:44:27No, let's go to ours.
00:44:30What about Dougie?
00:44:32No.
00:44:34We'll be quiet.
00:44:38Sorry.
00:44:39This is the only room in the house without cameras.
00:44:41I have cash.
00:44:42Yeah, I think, uh, I think I should probably take Phil home.
00:44:45No.
00:44:46No.
00:44:47You should stay here.
00:44:49Charlie and Katie, they'll be back any second.
00:44:51I'm friends with Danny.
00:44:52Or...
00:44:53We could play a game.
00:44:55You guys ever heard of...
00:44:56Twister?
00:44:57Oh, man.
00:44:59The bait of thighs brought it to, uh, the hockey house last spring.
00:45:03No, uh, seriously.
00:45:05I told Phil's wife I'd watch him.
00:45:06I think it's time for us to go.
00:45:08Phil?
00:45:08I'm good.
00:45:09Chill.
00:45:10Come on, we'll go back to the hotel.
00:45:11I think we should get Phil coffee.
00:45:12Phil, do you want a coffee?
00:45:13Don't fucking touch me.
00:45:15Alright, yeah, let's get Phil coffee.
00:45:18Is that okay?
00:45:19Yeah, go get me fucking coffee and get out of here.
00:45:22Great, let's get Phil coffee.
00:45:23Bye.
00:45:24This guy fucking thinks he knows what it's like to fucking live in a house with three women.
00:45:28No offense, you're awesome.
00:45:30Ooh, a smooth banana IPA.
00:45:34That could be your, that could be your wedding drink.
00:45:36Like your bride signature cocktail.
00:45:38I'm not doing any of that stuff.
00:45:40Right.
00:45:41Cause you're like...
00:45:42Cool bride.
00:45:43Yes.
00:45:44Yes, that's right.
00:45:45What's your signature cocktail?
00:45:47Well, I'm a cool groom, so I can't do that.
00:45:50Oh.
00:45:50You, you might actually be too cool of a groom if it takes you seven years to propose.
00:45:57Look, love happens in its own time.
00:46:00Oh, right.
00:46:00It's, you know, I don't make the timetable, love makes the timetable.
00:46:03And that's what you told her?
00:46:04Yeah.
00:46:04Yes, that's what I told her.
00:46:05And how much time did that buy you?
00:46:07Seven years.
00:46:09Ah, ah, ah.
00:46:10I see.
00:46:12What made you wait so long?
00:46:14I just wasn't sure.
00:46:17About your fiance?
00:46:18About any of it.
00:46:19I just, I just didn't know if that's what I wanted.
00:46:22You know, I just think it's this thing that we all think we're supposed to do because everybody
00:46:26else does it, but we never stop and ask ourselves if it's what we actually want.
00:46:30And then I realized that I did want it and I do want kids and that eventually I just had
00:46:37to get out of my own way and find somebody that I liked and use good judgment and be smart
00:46:42and just, you know, pick them and be happy.
00:46:48So romantic.
00:46:49I don't care if you don't think it's romantic.
00:46:51It's honest and honesty is what sustains a marriage.
00:46:56It's not romance.
00:46:58I mean, you actually don't think that there's one person for everyone?
00:47:03I'm sorry, you can't be serious.
00:47:05What?
00:47:06One person for everyone?
00:47:07No, of course not.
00:47:08I think there are millions of people that we can connect with.
00:47:11It's just a matter of when you meet them.
00:47:14We're not marrying these people because of timing.
00:47:17Don't say we're marrying them because of soulmates because I'll leave you here with those beers.
00:47:25We are marrying them because we love them.
00:47:29Yes.
00:47:31I mean, right?
00:47:33I said yes.
00:47:35I, you're not selling me.
00:47:37Do you know?
00:47:38That's not my job.
00:47:40This coffee expired six years ago.
00:47:43Coffee doesn't expire.
00:47:44I got cash money, baby girl.
00:47:46Remember that stuff from the 90s?
00:47:48We'll give it some fat butter, okay?
00:47:49Or like Windex or something.
00:47:50Would you like to share a glass of wine?
00:47:52What?
00:47:54Someone found a speaker.
00:47:56Connect.
00:47:57No, I have to conserve my battery for the Uber so we can leave.
00:48:00You remember leaving?
00:48:01You can use my phone for the music.
00:48:04No offense, but you probably don't have my kind of music on your phone, so...
00:48:07What kind of music do you like?
00:48:09House.
00:48:09But a very specific kind of house.
00:48:11I like specific house.
00:48:13My God.
00:48:14Just listen to your music, okay?
00:48:16Put on your phone.
00:48:16I'm fine.
00:48:17Are you...
00:48:17Put on your phone, I'm fine.
00:48:19Oh, Tommy.
00:48:22I'm coming, Tommy.
00:48:28I'm gonna make two glasses of wine still for...
00:48:31If anyone wants to stay and drink it with me.
00:49:01Delaney, can you fire for some pizzas, hon?
00:49:05For the guys, at least?
00:49:07I mean, I'm happy to host this.
00:49:09Yeah, you don't seem anxious about it at all.
00:49:10Well, I'm just...
00:49:11I'm a little worried.
00:49:12If I get a bad review, that is on you.
00:49:14What is with you in this review?
00:49:15What?
00:49:15Are you in some sort of legal bind?
00:49:17No.
00:49:18No, but...
00:49:19I will write you a comment if they give you a shitty review.
00:49:22Oh!
00:49:22Oh!
00:49:24Um...
00:49:25We could just go back to my hotel.
00:49:27If you want.
00:49:28I mean, just say the word.
00:49:32Charlie, I can't.
00:49:34I'm engaged.
00:49:35You know, I...
00:49:37Trust me.
00:49:40I...
00:49:41I feel it, too.
00:49:42But there's not...
00:49:43I'm...
00:49:44I'm sorry.
00:49:44I meant, like...
00:49:46I meant all of us would go back to my hotel.
00:49:48Like, instead of you hosting here?
00:49:51Just because you seemed anxious about it?
00:49:53Yeah, no.
00:49:54I'm...
00:49:55I'm so sorry.
00:49:56Um, just because we'd been flirting, so I thought that you were...
00:49:59I wasn't suggesting that you and I would go back alone to my hotel.
00:50:03I hope I wasn't giving off that impression.
00:50:06I mean, did you think the friendly banter meant that I was gonna, like, cheat on my fiancee?
00:50:11No.
00:50:12No.
00:50:20I gotta...
00:50:20Okay.
00:50:22That's a fad, dude.
00:50:26Delaney, what the fuck are you doing?
00:50:28We said we'd stay in the bedroom!
00:50:30Delaney!
00:50:31Phil, buddy, time to go.
00:50:33Finally, yeah, let's go.
00:50:34No, stay.
00:50:35You can go to my room.
00:50:36I'll make it fun.
00:50:37No.
00:50:38No, thanks.
00:50:39Is it because I'm not a model?
00:50:40No, because I don't share a genuine connection with you and it feels weird to lead you on.
00:50:44Oh, fuck you.
00:50:45You know, I came here to celebrate an important time in Charlie's life.
00:50:49I tried to politely keep my distance so I could spend time with my friends, who I never see, but
00:50:53you inserted yourself into our plans and put us all in a very weird situation.
00:50:58So, honestly, fuck you, Delaney.
00:51:00No.
00:51:01No.
00:51:02No.
00:51:03No, no, no.
00:51:03Fuck you, Tommy.
00:51:05Fuck you.
00:51:06Because that, that's the dopest girl that I've ever met.
00:51:10And you may not get her.
00:51:13But I do.
00:51:22I think I love you.
00:51:29What?
00:51:31What are you talking about?
00:51:34What?
00:51:35No, no, no, no, no.
00:51:36What?
00:51:37What is going on here?
00:51:38Who are these people?
00:51:39Mom's house?
00:51:40Can you not?
00:51:41On the art?
00:51:42I'm sorry.
00:51:43I'm sorry.
00:51:43They are about to leave.
00:51:45Additional guests?
00:51:46Shoes inside?
00:51:47Alcohol?
00:51:49You agreed to the rules.
00:51:51I know.
00:51:51I know.
00:51:52I'm sorry.
00:51:52There were a lot of rules.
00:51:54And honestly, no alcohol is crazy.
00:51:55So...
00:51:56Yeah, because I don't want to relapse again.
00:51:58I'm two years sober.
00:52:00What is wrong with you people?
00:52:01This is my house.
00:52:02It kills me that I have to rent this out.
00:52:05But with my mom's leftover medical bills,
00:52:07I don't really have...
00:52:12Really?
00:52:14I'm not gonna not do the coke.
00:52:18Hi.
00:52:19Hi.
00:52:20We're here for Big Dick Phil.
00:52:23Oh my God.
00:52:24I'm him.
00:52:25Phil, please tell me that you didn't hire...
00:52:28Delaney said I could.
00:52:29I said he could.
00:52:30Because guess what?
00:52:31All guys like strippers, Katie.
00:52:33Even your lover, Charlie.
00:52:35Okay.
00:52:35Well, he's not my lover.
00:52:36I mean, you have been eye-fucking her all week, dude.
00:52:39See?
00:52:40Whoa.
00:52:41What about my sister?
00:52:43Let's not chill.
00:52:44What are you talking about?
00:52:45She's engaged.
00:52:49You knew?
00:52:52Charlie knew.
00:52:54Hey, we're drunk.
00:52:55Okay?
00:52:55Let's not talk about this right now.
00:52:57You don't want to talk about how you hid your engagement from me for an entire weekend?
00:53:01Do you stop?
00:53:02How you put our phones in a kitchen drawer?
00:53:05Stop.
00:53:05You're a psycho.
00:53:06Hey, you're a fucking bitch!
00:53:09Okay, this is just sad.
00:53:10I can't dance here.
00:53:11Same.
00:53:12Friendship stuff is super triggering.
00:53:15Yeah.
00:53:23Okay.
00:53:24I got another girl, but it'll take her 45 minutes to get here.
00:53:28Get out!
00:53:29You get out.
00:53:32You're a pervert.
00:53:34You filmed us.
00:53:36Per-vert.
00:53:38Per-vert.
00:53:39Per-vert.
00:53:41Per-vert.
00:53:42Per-vert.
00:53:44Per-vert.
00:53:44Per-vert.
00:53:45Per-vert.
00:53:45Per-vert.
00:53:45You're creepy!
00:53:47You don't treat guests this way!
00:53:52Everywhere's closed, Delaney.
00:53:54I'm talking to you.
00:53:55Okay, but nowhere's open.
00:53:56You don't know everything.
00:54:01Yes.
00:54:04Oh, hello.
00:54:07I'll have one pizza.
00:54:10For one person.
00:54:13I can go home.
00:54:16He says it's going to be five minutes, so...
00:54:19You didn't want to know what type of pizza?
00:54:20I always get pepperoni and they always know, so...
00:54:23Yeah, I didn't hear a credit card number.
00:54:25I'm paying cash from Chuck.
00:54:28Hmm.
00:54:44Tommy took my charger into his room and...
00:54:45...
00:54:45...
00:54:48...
00:54:54Tommy took my charger into his room and...
00:54:57...
00:54:58...
00:54:59...
00:54:59...
00:54:59...
00:54:59...
00:54:59but all right, well, Kyle's also not exactly the most reliable narrator.
00:55:07I can't.
00:55:09Look, I'm going to be home in a few hours.
00:55:14No, I'm here.
00:55:19No, my service is fine.
00:55:20I'll be home in a few hours, and then we can talk, okay?
00:55:32I'm ready.
00:55:34Great.
00:55:36Four hours and 37 minutes to destination.
00:55:40Okay.
00:56:12I'm ready.
00:56:34Can you please talk about last night?
00:56:37About what?
00:56:40All that...
00:56:41I mean...
00:56:44Do you remember any of it?
00:56:46I know you can black out big chunks when you drink like that.
00:56:53I remember that you lied to me about getting engaged.
00:56:57I remember that.
00:56:58I tried to tell you.
00:56:59That first night I had this whole thing planned.
00:57:02It's the whole reason we did the trip.
00:57:05You lied to me all weekend.
00:57:08No, I tried to tell you all weekend.
00:57:11Another lie.
00:57:12That's great.
00:57:14Why do you always lie?
00:57:15Honestly, you lie to me all the time.
00:57:17I'm not a liar.
00:57:17It's just really hard to be honest with you.
00:57:20I mean, you hate everything.
00:57:22You hate everyone.
00:57:23I don't hate everyone.
00:57:25Admit you hate John.
00:57:27Admit it.
00:57:28You've never liked him.
00:57:29You roll your eyes when you talk.
00:57:30You don't laugh at his jokes.
00:57:31I don't know why he's so sweet, but you have always hated him.
00:57:34I hate how boring he makes you.
00:57:35Boring?
00:57:36Why?
00:57:36Because I don't want to babysit your fucking benders.
00:57:38At least I'm not stuck in some sad routine.
00:57:41I'm not sad.
00:57:42I'm happy.
00:57:43You look happy.
00:57:45Why don't you call it?
00:57:47I'm serious.
00:57:47Why don't you leave the city?
00:57:49Go drown your personality in white wine with Gwen.
00:57:52That sounds better than staying here and wasting it with you one weekend at a time.
00:57:58Why don't you try caring about something?
00:58:01Why don't you try making a fucking effort?
00:58:06Why don't you grow up?
00:58:07I am growing up.
00:58:08You still do cocaine.
00:58:10Doing cocaine is fun, Katie.
00:58:11Okay.
00:58:12Yeah, well, maybe we're too different now.
00:58:17Yeah.
00:58:18Maybe we are.
00:58:25Get out.
00:58:33Hey, there she is.
00:58:35How you doing?
00:58:36You feeling okay?
00:58:37Yeah.
00:58:37Let's go out of the shower.
00:58:38Okay.
00:58:38Let's go out of the shower.
00:58:42Let's go out of the shower.
00:58:42Let's go out of the shower.
00:58:43Hey, there you ride away from me.
00:58:50Taking light and bleeding grave.
00:58:54Have a cat.
00:58:55I keep the hurt I'd rather fear.
00:59:00Hey.
00:59:01And watch the shadow from my knees.
00:59:12There were two pigs, okay, and they're in the same pit of mud.
00:59:16And the wife pig turns over to the husband pig, and she says,
00:59:19Have you seen Farmer Joe's pants lately?
00:59:28Why would you cancel?
00:59:30The husband goes, Oh, that's so funny, I thought he said pork chop.
00:59:43Thank you so much for having me, for the next time.
00:59:54Oops, did a thing. Officially secured Series B Fundy for my startup.
01:00:01Anything posted that?
01:00:03What, uh, oh, oh, oh, um, Elon Musk.
01:00:10Uh, no, no, it's someone we know.
01:00:12Oh, oh, uh, um, I give up.
01:00:18Uh, okay, um, no, it was Diane's date from, uh, New Year's.
01:00:23Oh, no, I don't, I don't, I don't even think I've met her. Oh, is she friends with Delaney? Speaking
01:00:29of which, is Delaney coming to dinner this weekend?
01:00:32I don't think so.
01:00:35Why?
01:00:36Well, we're gonna fight.
01:00:38The two of you are fighting.
01:00:40Yeah.
01:00:40That's, maybe never happened in the history of the world.
01:00:44It happened.
01:00:44Um, it's very dumb. It was about the engagement.
01:00:48Oh.
01:00:50I, so I, I never actually told her. She found out on my phone and went ballistic and got wasted.
01:00:56What do you mean? You didn't, you didn't tell her that?
01:00:58I mean, remember I tried and you called, so I couldn't really. And then I tried later that night and
01:01:02it got extremely weird.
01:01:03No, no, no, no. Don't, don't, don't do that. I let you wait until the perfect moment to tell her
01:01:10how you wanted to tell her.
01:01:12And you said you would do that on the trip. You told me you would handle that on the trip
01:01:15so we could start planning our wedding.
01:01:16I mean, you're a little obsessed with planning the wedding.
01:01:19Well, yeah, I want to celebrate our marriage with our family and our friends.
01:01:23No offense. I, I don't think you really get it. You know, I don't think you get me and Delaney
01:01:27exactly. I don't think you could.
01:01:28See, how do you, how do you say that?
01:01:30I have been nothing but accommodating to you and your friend. She has a drawer in our dresser.
01:01:36You said that was fun?
01:01:36It, it was. It is.
01:01:40But I just want to know when you're gonna choose us, right?
01:01:44When, when you will stop bending our lives together for Delaney.
01:01:48It's not just Delaney.
01:01:50Hold on. No, no, no, no.
01:01:52What do you, what do you, what do you mean?
01:01:53You know, marriage can really change your life.
01:01:56And, and a lot of times it's for the better.
01:01:59Which I think will be, you know, our case. And I'm very excited, of course.
01:02:02But there's just a lot of changes. Like for example, you know, eventually we will probably want to move out
01:02:07of the city.
01:02:07And that's fine. And I'm, you know, we'll do that for you.
01:02:10And you go out there and then all of a sudden all your friends are married couples that moved out
01:02:15there too.
01:02:16And, and nobody knew you before you were a married couple.
01:02:18So it's actually a bit like you didn't exist before you were part of a married couple.
01:02:22So that's the new you.
01:02:23I'm just, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna stop you.
01:02:25I don't even know what to believe at all.
01:02:29John!
01:02:34So, anyways, popcorn to Delaney.
01:02:37I didn't have any peaks this week.
01:02:41Well, a week of valleys spends time in our cal eventually.
01:02:45Everything okay?
01:02:46Yeah, it's, everything's okay.
01:02:49Delaney, we're here if you ever want to share, obviously.
01:02:51But you seem to hate peaks and valleys, so.
01:02:53I don't hate peaks and valleys.
01:02:56Really?
01:02:57Once you thought you were muted and you screamed fuck when we started playing the game.
01:03:02Okay, fine.
01:03:04Um, my valley was, my best friend lied to me about getting engaged.
01:03:16What?
01:03:18Wow.
01:03:19Wow, that is a deep valley.
01:03:22Very deep.
01:03:24Okay, let's dive into this.
01:03:26Let's dive into this.
01:03:27Come on, we're here for you.
01:03:30Wow, your hair.
01:03:32I always pictured, pictured you as a blonde.
01:03:35Look at you.
01:03:37Okay, so wait, tell me everything.
01:03:38Who is this fiance?
01:03:39What's his name?
01:03:41John.
01:03:42Where's John from?
01:03:44Yep, John.
01:03:45The Midwest.
01:03:47What state?
01:03:49Minneapolis.
01:03:51Michigan or Minnesota.
01:03:53It's an M, I just, I can't remember right now.
01:03:56You seem like you must hate him.
01:03:58I don't hate him.
01:04:00I don't hate John.
01:04:01That's very nice.
01:04:02It's your best friend, so you're trying to be nice.
01:04:03But like, what did he do?
01:04:04He obviously cheated.
01:04:06He obviously-
01:04:06He cheated.
01:04:07He did cheat, Alex.
01:04:08He cheated off again.
01:04:09John did not cheat.
01:04:10John's not a cheater.
01:04:11He's totally obsessed with her.
01:04:15But too obsessed, probably.
01:04:18No.
01:04:19No.
01:04:20To where it's like, true crime.
01:04:23No.
01:04:25He treats her really well.
01:04:26He's a very good guy.
01:04:28So he treats her well?
01:04:32Yeah, he treats her well.
01:04:35Wait, and she, is she like, happy with him?
01:04:41Yeah.
01:04:44Okay, wait.
01:04:45Sorry for the disconnect here, but what's the problem?
01:04:49And the toy guy said that that's the most popular thing he sells.
01:04:52Yeah, no.
01:04:53The kids wanted one of these.
01:04:54Hmm.
01:04:54I just got them a new globe, but never enough.
01:04:58Where's John?
01:04:59His work thing.
01:05:01Oh, did he decide if he wanted the chicken or lamb skewers for the cocktail hour?
01:05:05Shoot.
01:05:05I'll ask him.
01:05:06I'm not sure.
01:05:07If you get that thing wet, it turns blue.
01:05:10So he's rehabbing brittle hips after sundown?
01:05:13He's really burning the midnight oil.
01:05:16And, um, if you wanted to go back to red again, you just put it in the sun.
01:05:20Is there trouble in paradise?
01:05:23You can't hide from an empath, little sister.
01:05:27Um, Delaney and I got into a fight, and now John and I are in a bit of a fight
01:05:34about that fight.
01:05:35Of course.
01:05:36No, no, no.
01:05:36We all saw this coming.
01:05:38You know, you guys are emotionally stunted.
01:05:40Daria says you both have arrested development.
01:05:43I never said that.
01:05:44Thank you very much.
01:05:44And so you just happened to leave your notebook open to a page that said never individuated into adulthood?
01:05:48Did you find the key to my office again?
01:05:50It doesn't matter.
01:05:50Look, the medical fact is you guys are basically still kids who are clinging on to each other in the
01:05:55cafeteria of life.
01:05:56You're emotionally stunted.
01:06:00Oh, that's a very mature response, Katie.
01:06:02Do you see what I'm saying?
01:06:04You're stunted.
01:06:05It's so rich coming from you.
01:06:07Look, I'm sorry.
01:06:08I really hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but it might actually be time for
01:06:12you to grow up.
01:06:13We have all had to.
01:06:15Did we?
01:06:16I mean, did we all have to?
01:06:17Maybe you're like 40 years old and you still blame everything on our parents.
01:06:20You're emotionally stunted, not me.
01:06:22Tell him, Daria.
01:06:23No, no, no, Daria.
01:06:24Tell her that she's narcissistic like Dad.
01:06:26Do you know that the DSM-5 defines narcissism as a personality disorder, right, Daria?
01:06:31A cluster B personality disorder, which I think we can both agree you have.
01:06:34Oh, I have a personality disorder?
01:06:36Yeah, honestly.
01:06:36Oh my God, you're delusional.
01:06:37You're literally medically delusional.
01:06:40You're certifiable.
01:06:41Daria, tell him.
01:06:42You have every symptom.
01:06:43Tell him.
01:06:43Tell him.
01:06:44Shut up!
01:06:45Just shut the fuck up!
01:06:51Today I listened to a man detail an intense reptilian fetish that's ruining his marriage.
01:06:58And I had to tell him, no, that's not weird.
01:07:01Do you want an iguana to act as a third?
01:07:05A girl ate rocks in front of me.
01:07:08And I had to tell a mother who told me that she lost her pregnancy.
01:07:14I had to promise her that she would get over it one day.
01:07:19Do you guys want a medical diagnosis?
01:07:23You are both ungrateful shits!
01:07:37I can't believe she said all that stuff about her patients.
01:07:42I mean, isn't that supposed to be, like, really private?
01:07:46Okay.
01:07:48I know we didn't have the ideal childhood.
01:07:53But you cannot keep using it as an excuse.
01:07:57I mean, come on.
01:07:59Can you be the adult for once?
01:08:03Can you help me for once?
01:08:07Things are gonna be okay with John.
01:08:12I don't know, actually.
01:08:15Yeah, he's...
01:08:17He's really mad.
01:08:18People get mad, Katie.
01:08:21It's part of life, and it's gonna be a long road
01:08:24if you walk around trying to make everything nice
01:08:26for everybody all the time.
01:08:27You've gotta be honest.
01:08:31I know...
01:08:32what Delaney means to you.
01:08:34And I know how much she was there for you when you were kids.
01:08:36And yes, I maybe thought that you were freaks.
01:08:40But what you had was special.
01:08:43You guys had a great run.
01:08:48So maybe it's okay that it's over.
01:08:52Sometimes the past can't last.
01:08:57Pass me my poem journal. Hurry up.
01:09:01Quick, quick, quick, quick.
01:09:04Okay, I made a guest list.
01:09:06Pretty much everyone who's coming is cool
01:09:08except for, like, one other assistant from my office.
01:09:10Have I shown you her grid before?
01:09:12She posts so much emo shit.
01:09:15It's like, we get that you have cancer.
01:09:17Maybe she won't support.
01:09:19What?
01:09:21We're seeing it helps other people.
01:09:24Oh, it doesn't help me.
01:09:25I meant other sick people.
01:09:28Right.
01:09:29Wait, how much do we hate Katie?
01:09:31Like, we haven't talked about this at all.
01:09:34Yeah.
01:09:34What she did...
01:09:36wasn't great.
01:09:37You know what I always say.
01:09:39Hate motivates.
01:09:41Liking stuff.
01:09:42I can motivate too.
01:09:43No, liking stuff is for sheep.
01:09:46Plus, hating stuff is like our thing.
01:09:47We both know the whole world sucks.
01:09:50The whole world sucks?
01:09:52Yeah.
01:10:01I think I need to leave.
01:10:03I mean, same, this place is a shithole.
01:10:05Like, it's obviously a temporary situation.
01:10:08No.
01:10:09I just don't want to be around you anymore.
01:10:14I hate that we love to hate people.
01:10:17It makes me feel sick.
01:10:20And I want to feel good.
01:10:23I want to be happy.
01:10:25I want to be happy for other people.
01:10:26I want to be happy for my family.
01:10:28I want to be happy for my friends.
01:10:33But I don't know how to do that.
01:10:35I don't know how to be happy for people.
01:10:46Did you, like, write that in your notes app to say to me?
01:10:48That's so fucking lame, Delaney.
01:10:53Okay, bye.
01:10:58Just keep breathing.
01:11:00Okay.
01:11:01Other side.
01:11:03One second, sorry.
01:11:07Delaney.
01:11:10Hi.
01:11:11What happened?
01:11:12Is everyone okay?
01:11:13What? Yeah.
01:11:17Um...
01:11:19Then, um...
01:11:20Why are you here?
01:11:25Where are you from?
01:11:31Uh...
01:11:31Illinois.
01:11:34I knew that.
01:11:38Did you like it there in Illinois?
01:11:42Do you mind?
01:11:45Sure.
01:11:47What is it?
01:11:51What's this?
01:11:53Yeah.
01:11:56Um...
01:11:57Yeah, I lived in Illinois pretty much my whole life.
01:12:01High school.
01:12:02College.
01:12:03Go Phoenixes.
01:12:05It was our college mascot.
01:12:07Yeah, my whole family went there.
01:12:08And I am so sorry that I didn't tell you that I was going to propose to Katie.
01:12:15It's okay.
01:12:18Probably made you hate me even more.
01:12:20I...
01:12:21Never hated you.
01:12:22I hated you existed.
01:12:26That was...
01:12:27I...
01:12:27Right.
01:12:30You never did anything wrong.
01:12:34I did...
01:12:36Everything to make it...
01:12:38Incredibly weird for you.
01:12:40And I'm...
01:12:41I'm...
01:12:41Really sorry.
01:12:46I'm really happy it's you.
01:12:48You...
01:12:53I will, uh...
01:12:54Let you go back to work.
01:12:55Yeah.
01:12:55Yeah.
01:12:58We're actually...
01:12:59In a fight.
01:13:01Um...
01:13:02She lied to me...
01:13:03About telling you.
01:13:04And I just don't understand why she can't be...
01:13:08Honest...
01:13:08With me.
01:13:10I don't know.
01:13:14Maybe she's...
01:13:16Afraid of losing us.
01:13:18Or maybe it's...
01:13:21Trying to protect us.
01:13:23You really don't know.
01:13:28I do know that...
01:13:32Getting older is...
01:13:35Really scary.
01:13:43I'm not paying for this.
01:13:46I got his card on file.
01:13:51Can we talk?
01:13:53I mean, what are we doing?
01:13:54I...
01:13:54I...
01:13:55I can't take more silent treatment.
01:14:00That's my client, Jerry.
01:14:05Uh...
01:14:05Yeah, I know Jerry.
01:14:07Do you know his wife, Marlene?
01:14:10You know, they've been married for years.
01:14:12Lived in four states.
01:14:14Three countries.
01:14:16They got divorced.
01:14:18Got back together.
01:14:20Lived in next door houses.
01:14:22Just for their own space.
01:14:25Until they built this place.
01:14:28Together.
01:14:31I don't know what the rest of our lives will look like.
01:14:34But it can be whatever we want it to be.
01:14:37I love you.
01:14:39I love you.
01:14:39I love you too.
01:14:41I'm sorry.
01:14:42I'm sorry.
01:14:45I'm sorry I lied.
01:14:48And I'm gonna do better.
01:14:50I know.
01:14:51I know.
01:14:52She told me.
01:14:53Who?
01:14:55Delaney.
01:14:57Um...
01:14:58When...
01:14:59When did you see Delaney?
01:15:01Today.
01:15:02She came by the office.
01:15:04Why?
01:15:05She's like...
01:15:06What?
01:15:07Like returning the stuff I had in her apartment?
01:15:09Or...
01:15:12She...
01:15:12Wanted to know where I was from.
01:15:14Can you get your girl?
01:15:17Yeah.
01:15:21Actually...
01:15:25Go get your girl.
01:15:29Go on.
01:15:30Yeah.
01:15:31Yeah.
01:15:35Open up your gate.
01:15:37There you go.
01:15:59There you go.
01:16:11Katie?
01:16:12No.
01:16:12There's a list.
01:16:14And you're not the aesthetic.
01:16:15And honestly, even if you were, there's already a Jennifer here.
01:16:18And you can't like, have a Jennifer and a Katie.
01:16:20You know?
01:16:20Yeah. Okay.
01:16:21Um, Roxy.
01:16:23I know you think I'm lame.
01:16:24But I know that you're miserable.
01:16:26And that's why you're so mean.
01:16:28I feel bad for you.
01:16:30Okay?
01:16:33Yeah.
01:16:34Same.
01:16:35Yeah.
01:16:36Where's Delaney?
01:16:37Where do you think?
01:16:40Fuck.
01:16:44Occupied.
01:16:46Occupied.
01:16:46Occupied.
01:16:46Delaney, drop the drugs.
01:16:48I said occupied.
01:16:53So I was gonna...
01:16:54I'm sorry.
01:16:55I'll come.
01:16:55Can I go first?
01:16:57Because...
01:16:57I'm feeling brave and that might go away.
01:17:01Twelve.
01:17:08I look at you and I feel like we are still twelve years old.
01:17:13And I really love that.
01:17:16But we're not twelve years old anymore.
01:17:20And we can't spend every second together anymore.
01:17:26And we don't like all the same things anymore.
01:17:28As much as I try to fight that.
01:17:32And I want to get married.
01:17:35And I want to have kids.
01:17:38And I want to save pictures of bathroom renovations I like.
01:17:45And I want to make little dishes for my keys.
01:17:48And I want to move out of the city.
01:17:50And I know you don't want that stuff.
01:17:52You don't even like that stuff.
01:17:55Actually.
01:17:56And...
01:17:57You don't even really like people who do.
01:18:00Just scary.
01:18:06And I didn't tell you about the engagement because I was afraid you wouldn't be happy for me.
01:18:12And that would just break my heart beyond repair.
01:18:18And I'm so happy about this next chapter of my life.
01:18:21But I'm terrified that you don't want to be a part of it.
01:18:27And I know I really messed up by lying.
01:18:31And I'm really, really sorry.
01:18:35And if things are different now, I understand.
01:18:40And if we end up parting ways...
01:18:43I just wanted to say thank you.
01:18:51Being your best friend has just been the highlight of my life.
01:18:59And I think we're really lucky to have lasted as long as we did.
01:19:19Well, it's not every day your kid's sister gets married.
01:19:22I'm incredibly honored to be here.
01:19:24And I was asked to put a couple words together and to try to capture the spirit of marriage.
01:19:30And what it means to our civilization.
01:19:34And particularly what it means to these two very special people.
01:19:38So, I've done my best.
01:19:40And I think you'll agree.
01:19:45Love's passion.
01:19:47Always in fashion.
01:19:50French kissing.
01:19:52Sad to be missing.
01:19:54Willows swaying.
01:19:57Willows swaying.
01:19:57Children playing.
01:19:59Love...
01:20:00Will find a way.
01:20:03Today.
01:20:05Forevermore.
01:20:07Into Dawn, Katie...
01:20:10And John.
01:20:13You have truly won.
01:20:15You have truly won.
01:20:16The game.
01:20:30Thank you for that beautiful poem, Henry.
01:20:38Okay.
01:20:40Let's do this.
01:20:43Dearly beloved.
01:20:56Isn't it so crazy you spend more time with like a hairdresser than you do with like your best friends?
01:21:03100%.
01:21:04My eyebrow woman is closer to me.
01:21:06I text her.
01:21:07We're on texting basis.
01:21:08Yeah.
01:21:08Oh, girl.
01:21:10I got.
01:21:11What you desire.
01:21:14Yeah.
01:21:16I got a love key.
01:21:19To light your fire.
01:21:22Oh, girl.
01:21:24And then give that a song.
01:21:27It's like really fun.
01:21:28Just to like sleep, right?
01:21:30To be in bed for a full 24 hours.
01:21:34People say that's depression.
01:21:36I say that's a luxury.
01:21:37Exactly.
01:21:37Absolutely.
01:21:38Yeah.
01:21:38A hundred percent.
01:21:38A hundred percent.
01:22:04A hundred percent.
01:22:05It is. Well, that's, that's, that's what they tell you at school. You never listen, you know, that like, you're
01:22:11like, that won't be me.
01:22:23I'm fostering a bass and ham this week. I know. So running around. I need it. I honestly, I cannot
01:22:31even stand it. I need it here.
01:22:35Just stay up for a better one.
01:23:07You
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