- 9 hours ago
My Roommate Is A Secret Superstar Trending
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:04So I'm fighting the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:08All right, it's about that time.
00:00:10So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:13Uh, uh.
00:00:19Yeah, him.
00:00:22Hi!
00:00:23Just play along.
00:00:24Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:30Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:32Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:48Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:53You have a cute scar.
00:00:55It's just my birthmark.
00:00:58Do you want me to stop, Tim?
00:00:59No.
00:01:02I don't want you to stop.
00:01:04Mom I know forever.
00:01:08Um, ma'am ha'cheeプ.
00:01:12Um, ma'am ha'cheeプ.
00:01:151 sj
00:01:34Ah, I was so drunk last night.
00:01:37I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:42I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:51Happy New Year.
00:01:52Sam, it's me.
00:01:53Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:55I don't care how.
00:01:57Just do it.
00:01:58I will find you.
00:02:05Maximus, can't you get married already?
00:02:08Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:11I need grandkids.
00:02:12I need you to...
00:02:13Message received, Mom.
00:02:15I need to go now.
00:02:16I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:26Seven years.
00:02:27Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:30And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:39Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:41Boss, it's been years.
00:02:46I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:48Your vest, sir.
00:02:50But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:02:52She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:54Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:55And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:02:58We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:03:01Good.
00:03:02Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:07Hi.
00:03:08One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:03:10And one hot chocolate.
00:03:13I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:16Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:21Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:23It's just for Christmas.
00:03:25But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:28Where's my real one?
00:03:36I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:38Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:48Danny!
00:03:49Yo!
00:03:50What?
00:03:57Danny!
00:03:57Yo!
00:03:58I'm sorry.
00:04:00I'm not your dad.
00:04:02No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I've had.
00:04:05Oh.
00:04:06Mommy, hurry!
00:04:07Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:04:16I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:20He's gorgeous.
00:04:27Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:30She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:32Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:33You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:36So, you're my new Christmas wife.
00:04:39See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:41Hi, my name's Piper.
00:04:43What's your name?
00:04:44Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:47Max, Aurelius.
00:04:48Eva.
00:04:49I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:54I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:57I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:05:00So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:05:06$1,000 an hour?
00:05:07Well, yeah.
00:05:09It's $500 a day.
00:05:11Is that enough?
00:05:13That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:14Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:16That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:18You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:20Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:05:22Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:05:25and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:05:27And then my family will get off my back,
00:05:30so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:34So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:37Fine.
00:05:38But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:43Okay.
00:05:44Deal.
00:05:47Ready to go get married?
00:06:02Wow.
00:06:03Cleaned up nice.
00:06:05This is my wedding day, after all.
00:06:07Pictures!
00:06:15Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:41Okay, well, I think we got it.
00:06:44Oh, I need some photos of us together, too,
00:06:46to prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:06:49and have a happy family.
00:06:50Yeah, of course.
00:07:02Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:04From my family to you.
00:07:14Bad news, boss.
00:07:15The agency said that the girl that they recruited
00:07:17to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
00:07:19Wait, she bailed?
00:07:20Then who is...
00:07:24Who is she?
00:07:26Whatever.
00:07:28It doesn't matter.
00:07:29I've got what I need.
00:07:33Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:34I already found someone.
00:07:41Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:44Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:46Christmas shopping?
00:07:47I should come.
00:07:49Look, if you want me to be the husband
00:07:51in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:53I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:55It'll make it more believable.
00:08:00Fine.
00:08:01Yeah, fine.
00:08:01Okay.
00:08:02You can come.
00:08:10Let's go.
00:08:11Which mall are we going to?
00:08:13Um, I think that one.
00:08:15Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:08:21What the actual fuck?
00:08:27Sam, is Maximus pulling another one
00:08:30of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:32Give me a DNA test for that little girl
00:08:35that he's with.
00:08:39She does kind of look like him.
00:08:43So when we give these gifts to my parents,
00:08:46we will say they're from you.
00:08:49Here, let me get this.
00:08:51I'm going to love you, Max.
00:08:54Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that
00:08:58since we're married,
00:09:00we should probably kiss once or twice
00:09:04in front of them.
00:09:06Okay.
00:09:07Should we use our tongues or...?
00:09:09No, no, definitely not.
00:09:11And absolutely no...
00:09:12Sex?
00:09:13Yes.
00:09:14It's strictly business.
00:09:17Anything physical outside of that
00:09:18is not happening.
00:09:20What?
00:09:21Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:24I just don't want Piper
00:09:26to have messy complications
00:09:27getting in the way
00:09:28of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:31Let's go.
00:09:37Here.
00:09:38What are you doing?
00:09:40I'd never let my woman
00:09:41pick up the tab.
00:09:44Well, I'm not your woman,
00:09:45and this isn't a real relationship,
00:09:47and I don't want your money.
00:09:50Attention shoppers,
00:09:51all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:5350% off pies?
00:09:55Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:5712 pumpkin pies,
00:09:58did I hear this right?
00:09:58You're the best kind.
00:10:00Hurry up and go, go.
00:10:01What are you standing here for?
00:10:04Hello there.
00:10:05Hi.
00:10:06You ready?
00:10:06Yes, yeah, just these things.
00:10:08Okay, great.
00:10:09We have a holiday special today.
00:10:11Spend $500,
00:10:12get 10% off,
00:10:13and you are just short
00:10:15$15 if you want
00:10:16to take advantage of the deal.
00:10:17Oh, great, yeah.
00:10:18What do you have
00:10:19that's just $15?
00:10:20Will you get a move on?
00:10:23I just got here.
00:10:24Relax.
00:10:25Yeah, yeah.
00:10:29Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:30Okay, thank you.
00:10:33Hurry up and pay.
00:10:37I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:39You can wait your turn.
00:10:45Damn, my fake wife
00:10:46has some fire in her.
00:10:53Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:54Not the pies.
00:10:55Not the pies.
00:10:55We can just set those on top.
00:11:02Hi, guys.
00:11:04I'm going to hand you
00:11:05all these pies.
00:11:09Of course.
00:11:11Thank you so much.
00:11:12Of course.
00:11:13I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:15She bought all 12 pies.
00:11:17Don't worry,
00:11:17I have enough for everybody.
00:11:18Just to give it away.
00:11:21Merry Christmas.
00:11:23Merry Christmas.
00:11:28What?
00:11:29Do you do that often?
00:11:31As often as I can.
00:11:36We should go.
00:11:38We got to pick up paper.
00:11:42Sit, watch out.
00:12:02You done feeling me up?
00:12:04Shut up.
00:12:05Oh, sorry.
00:12:06I was just in character, wifey.
00:12:08Well, stay out of character
00:12:09until Christmas.
00:12:11Christmas.
00:12:15And don't be late.
00:12:28Harrison Group?
00:12:29Do you do construction
00:12:30for them or something?
00:12:32Sort of.
00:12:33Not that I'm judging.
00:12:34I just need to get my story straight
00:12:37or my mom will eat
00:12:38both of us alive.
00:12:40Why don't we say
00:12:40that you do mid-level management
00:12:42for Harrison Group?
00:12:43I think that's respectable.
00:12:45Can we pick another company?
00:12:47No.
00:12:48Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:50And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:51My cousin's husband
00:12:52works for them too.
00:12:53So, it's perfect.
00:12:58Oh, and wear something nice
00:13:01for Christmas dinner?
00:13:02Don't worry.
00:13:03Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:13:04I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:08Too much.
00:13:29Let's go, Sam.
00:13:30It's time to check out
00:13:31the new HQ site.
00:13:33Hold on, you're covered in water
00:13:34and you have a hair
00:13:35on your shoulder
00:13:36and it's not yours.
00:13:38It's my daughter's.
00:13:40Daughters?
00:13:42Give me a DNA test
00:13:43for that little girl
00:13:44that he's with.
00:13:59Hey, there they are!
00:14:02Nice to meet you!
00:14:03Aw.
00:14:04Dad.
00:14:05So glad you made it.
00:14:07Aw, I missed you.
00:14:08So, where's this mysterious
00:14:11husband we heard all about?
00:14:12He's coming.
00:14:14Please don't tell me
00:14:15Maximus bailed.
00:14:16Good, good, good.
00:14:18So, heard you got
00:14:20a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:22When's he arriving?
00:14:23Oh, it's probably
00:14:24just some story
00:14:25she cooked up
00:14:26to stop people talking.
00:14:28Poor thing.
00:14:29Not surprising.
00:14:30I mean, she's 30.
00:14:31Once a woman hits that age,
00:14:33you become undateable.
00:14:35Plus, a kid looks so bad
00:14:37on dating apps.
00:14:41This is exactly why
00:14:42I refuse to come home
00:14:43single this Christmas.
00:14:44Auntie Pamela?
00:14:46Debbie?
00:14:46My dating life,
00:14:47quite frankly,
00:14:48is none of your concern.
00:14:49We're only worried
00:14:51about you.
00:14:52All these years
00:14:53without a husband.
00:14:54Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:56You know,
00:14:57you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:59And look what happened.
00:15:00She got knocked up
00:15:01out of wedlock
00:15:02raising a kid
00:15:03all alone.
00:15:04I'm not alone.
00:15:05Mm-hmm.
00:15:07And what does
00:15:07this mysterious husband do?
00:15:12He's a manager.
00:15:14Manager?
00:15:15Of what?
00:15:16Trash?
00:15:18Probably a cover
00:15:20for criminal activity.
00:15:22You don't have to
00:15:24lie to us, Eva.
00:15:25Actually,
00:15:28he's right here.
00:15:31Oh, wow.
00:15:34He is really good looking.
00:15:37Ah, must be AI.
00:15:39Mm-hmm.
00:15:40Congratulations, Eva,
00:15:42on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:43Fake.
00:15:44That's enough.
00:15:45She's our daughter
00:15:46and your niece.
00:15:47Show some respect.
00:15:48Remember last year
00:15:50when I introduced you
00:15:51to my husband's nephew,
00:15:53William,
00:15:54and you turned him down?
00:15:55Well, guess what?
00:15:57William works
00:15:58for the Harrison Group now.
00:15:59makes 500 grand
00:16:01a year.
00:16:03That's half a million.
00:16:05Half a million.
00:16:06Girls are lining up
00:16:08for him
00:16:08all the way
00:16:09to New York.
00:16:10And speak
00:16:11of the devil.
00:16:15Willie,
00:16:16you made it.
00:16:26It's...
00:16:27There you are.
00:16:29Oh, look at you now.
00:16:31Living the dream.
00:16:33Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:35Well, you could be
00:16:36driving around
00:16:37in a car like that
00:16:38had you not married
00:16:38that criminal waste manager.
00:16:41So married, huh?
00:16:43Is it serious?
00:16:45That's what marriage is.
00:16:46It's pretty serious.
00:16:48Wow.
00:16:49You must have rushed
00:16:50the time of the night, huh?
00:16:52Makes sense, though.
00:16:53You not being
00:16:54a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:56Dragging that kid around
00:16:58with no daddy.
00:16:59A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:17:02Meanwhile,
00:17:02you're climbing
00:17:03the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:05That's right.
00:17:07Just bought this
00:17:08brand new suit
00:17:09with my Christmas bonus.
00:17:11Women love
00:17:12a man in red.
00:17:13Sexy,
00:17:14like Santa Claus.
00:17:16Want to sit on my lap?
00:17:18Don't touch me.
00:17:19Oh, so entitled.
00:17:21Williams,
00:17:22a successful man
00:17:23of taste,
00:17:24not waste.
00:17:25And yet,
00:17:26for some reason,
00:17:27he's willing
00:17:27to overlook
00:17:28your baggage.
00:17:29I mean,
00:17:30look at that car.
00:17:32Did your husband
00:17:33afford anything
00:17:33even close to that?
00:17:35Think of the life
00:17:36I can give you
00:17:36and Piper
00:17:37with all my
00:17:37Harrison Group money.
00:17:38Ditch your nobody husband
00:17:40and marry me instead.
00:17:43I wouldn't marry you
00:17:44if you were
00:17:45the last man on Earth.
00:17:51My mom would never marry.
00:17:52She already has a husband.
00:17:54He's gonna kick your butt.
00:17:59Is that so?
00:18:00Well then,
00:18:01where is he?
00:18:03Because I don't see him.
00:18:05Does anyone see him?
00:18:08No.
00:18:09Just like I thought.
00:18:11Telling lies
00:18:12just like Mommy.
00:18:13That puts you
00:18:14on the naughty list.
00:18:16And let me show you
00:18:18what happens
00:18:18to naughty children.
00:18:22Hey.
00:18:23Mommy.
00:18:24Hey.
00:18:24Are you okay?
00:18:25I see your hands.
00:18:26Oh my God.
00:18:28I'm gonna take her in
00:18:28and get her packed up, okay?
00:18:30Come on now.
00:18:30Let's go.
00:18:33What the hell's
00:18:33the matter with you?
00:18:35How dare you
00:18:36put your filthy hands
00:18:37on my daughter?
00:18:39Let me go.
00:18:40Now,
00:18:41why would I go
00:18:42and do a thing like that
00:18:43when I'm having
00:18:44such a good time?
00:18:45Let me go!
00:18:47Let me go!
00:19:00Touch my wife again
00:19:02and I will snap
00:19:03every finger
00:19:04that you've got.
00:19:08Max, you came.
00:19:10How are you, sweetie?
00:19:13Where's Piper?
00:19:15William Hitter?
00:19:17Mom,
00:19:17Dead Hunt,
00:19:18take her inside.
00:19:19Well, it looks like
00:19:19we have a real Grinch
00:19:20to dispose of.
00:19:22Well, well, well.
00:19:23If it isn't
00:19:24the Waste Manager
00:19:25I've been hearing
00:19:25so much about.
00:19:27That's right.
00:19:29Now, I'm about
00:19:29to take out the trash.
00:19:32Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
00:19:35It's an honor to meet you.
00:19:36I'm Max.
00:19:37Eva told us all about you.
00:19:39From New York.
00:19:40Polite.
00:19:41Handsome.
00:19:42Just like she said.
00:19:44Wow.
00:19:45He was an AI.
00:19:47See?
00:19:48He's real.
00:19:49And he's more of a man here
00:19:50than William would ever
00:19:51dream to be.
00:19:52You son of a bitch.
00:19:54You just ruined my suit.
00:19:55And watch the way
00:19:56that you drive that
00:19:58pristine automobile.
00:20:00That car?
00:20:01Oh, my God.
00:20:02That's worth more
00:20:03than a house.
00:20:04That car?
00:20:05It was all over the news
00:20:06when the CEO
00:20:07of the Harrison Group
00:20:08bought it.
00:20:10Wait.
00:20:12Are you?
00:20:16Like I said,
00:20:18I'm just Eva's husband.
00:20:20And that's all
00:20:20he needs to know.
00:20:22I'm not here
00:20:22to put on a show
00:20:23for anyone.
00:20:24You really are a criminal,
00:20:25aren't you?
00:20:26You stole it.
00:20:27That car belongs
00:20:28to the CEO
00:20:29of my company.
00:20:29Jesus.
00:20:30How did he get away
00:20:31with it?
00:20:32That's what I want
00:20:33to know.
00:20:34Enough, please.
00:20:37I trust my daughter.
00:20:39She would never
00:20:40marry a criminal.
00:20:42Max, be honest with me.
00:20:45Where did that car
00:20:45come from?
00:20:47How much did
00:20:48you want for it?
00:20:49I'll pay you
00:20:49more money than you
00:20:51make a three-light guy.
00:20:52Jesus.
00:20:53So,
00:20:54you need a breath, man.
00:20:58Hey, that's it!
00:20:59I'm calling the cops!
00:20:59Oh, way ahead of you.
00:21:02Wait.
00:21:02What?
00:21:04Are you feeling nervous,
00:21:05Eva?
00:21:07Oh, well,
00:21:08too late.
00:21:15Listen, hon, I believe you.
00:21:18But how could Max
00:21:20afford a car like that?
00:21:22Mr. Smith,
00:21:23don't worry.
00:21:24It's my car, okay?
00:21:25It's not stolen.
00:21:26Yeah?
00:21:27If it's yours,
00:21:28then prove it.
00:21:29Cops will be here
00:21:31in 15 minutes.
00:21:32Enjoy Christmas
00:21:33behind bars.
00:21:34Okay.
00:21:34I'll prove that it's mine.
00:21:36But then you have to get lost.
00:21:38And never show your face
00:21:39around my wife or child again.
00:21:41Oh, so you're a tough guy, huh?
00:21:43Well, I hope they serve eggnog in prison.
00:21:46Loser!
00:21:46Say one more word,
00:21:47and I'll give him a real reason
00:21:48to take me in.
00:21:51Jesus.
00:21:52Maybe he is a crime boss.
00:21:54It's kind of sexy, though.
00:21:58Here.
00:21:59Title and proof of ownership.
00:22:08Mr. Harrison?
00:22:12Mr. Harrison?
00:22:16Mr. Harrison?
00:22:18Just play along.
00:22:20Merry Christmas, Willie.
00:22:22Now get the fuck out of here
00:22:23before I kick your ass
00:22:25all the way up to the North Pole.
00:22:26Yes, sir!
00:22:27I'm so sorry, sir!
00:22:30Please, please,
00:22:30please, please, please,
00:22:31please, please, please, please.
00:22:41Oh, that William,
00:22:44what a jerk, huh?
00:22:46He fooled me.
00:22:47What can I say?
00:22:48Let's not let this
00:22:49little misunderstanding
00:22:50ruin the holidays.
00:22:52Oh, now you don't want
00:22:53to ruin Christmas?
00:22:54Oh, come on, Eva.
00:22:55We were just looking out for you.
00:22:57Please forgive us, Mr. Harrison.
00:23:00You know my youngest son
00:23:01is graduating soon.
00:23:03Do you think that, uh,
00:23:04you could help him
00:23:05get his foot in the door?
00:23:06A job at the Harrison Group
00:23:08even in the mail room
00:23:10would open doors.
00:23:11We are family, aren't we?
00:23:13Family takes care of each other.
00:23:16If you guys want a job
00:23:17at the Harrison Group,
00:23:18you can put in an application
00:23:19like everyone else.
00:23:21Abigail, come on,
00:23:22talk to her for us.
00:23:24Didn't you just say
00:23:25that my daughter
00:23:26was undateable?
00:23:27Yeah.
00:23:28I think you need to take care
00:23:29of your own issues first.
00:23:31My daughter is just
00:23:32far too busy
00:23:33for your best life
00:23:34with my new son-in-law.
00:23:37Come on, guys.
00:23:37Let's go in.
00:23:38Welcome to the family.
00:23:43Welcome.
00:23:48This is your fault, Pam.
00:23:50You can't tell the difference
00:23:51between AI and reality.
00:23:54My fault.
00:23:55You were the one
00:23:56who was pushing her
00:23:56onto that worm, William.
00:24:08Hey, how do you have that car?
00:24:10And how do you know
00:24:11the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:24:12And how do you...
00:24:13I told you.
00:24:13I work for Harrison Group,
00:24:15remember?
00:24:16I have a friend
00:24:17in high places.
00:24:18A friend who just
00:24:19hands you keys
00:24:20to million-dollar,
00:24:21one-of-a-kind luxury cars?
00:24:23Yes.
00:24:24It's the season of giving.
00:24:25He knows people.
00:24:27Has connections.
00:24:28He's a big deal
00:24:29kind of guy.
00:24:30You're a crime boss,
00:24:31aren't you?
00:24:32Yeah, and you best
00:24:33not forget it.
00:24:34Capisce?
00:24:34Oh, my God.
00:24:35Just don't blow your cover.
00:24:38Dad!
00:24:39Mom!
00:24:40Thank you so much
00:24:41for letting Max and I
00:24:42stay in your home.
00:24:43Oh, honey.
00:24:44We're just so happy
00:24:45that you found
00:24:46such a handsome,
00:24:48strong,
00:24:49good-looking...
00:24:50I think they get it, hon.
00:24:54How's Piper?
00:24:55Oh, she's fine.
00:24:57One of you guys
00:24:57just gets settled in
00:24:59and we will go check on her.
00:25:00And if your mom
00:25:01takes a cold shower,
00:25:03we'll come back
00:25:03and finish decorating the tree.
00:25:05Great.
00:25:06See you in a bit.
00:25:07Joey?
00:25:08What are you doing?
00:25:11Okay.
00:25:13Hey, was that not
00:25:14a breach of contract?
00:25:19Relax.
00:25:20It was just a hug.
00:25:22Ugh.
00:25:24We just got here
00:25:25and I'm already exhausted.
00:25:27You'll be okay.
00:25:28It's just one week.
00:25:29Kill me now.
00:25:30Well, they would,
00:25:31but I need to get paid.
00:25:37What are you doing?
00:25:39That's weird.
00:25:41They were so lovey-dovey
00:25:42just a second ago.
00:25:43I don't know.
00:25:44Something just falls off.
00:25:46That's ridiculous.
00:25:48I mean,
00:25:48what do you want them to do?
00:25:50Make out progress
00:25:50to prove it?
00:25:52I don't like this.
00:25:54Later.
00:25:57Let's go.
00:26:02Here we go.
00:26:04Piper is all tucked in,
00:26:06honey.
00:26:06Everything looks amazing
00:26:07and happy holidays.
00:26:09To the newest member
00:26:10of our family,
00:26:11Max.
00:26:12Aw.
00:26:13Welcome.
00:26:14Cheers.
00:26:15Thank you,
00:26:15Miss Smith.
00:26:16Looks great.
00:26:18Aw,
00:26:18just call me mom,
00:26:19honey.
00:26:19I had no idea
00:26:21what you liked,
00:26:21so I just whipped up
00:26:23a little bit of everything.
00:26:24but we all know
00:26:25what Eva's favorite
00:26:26Christmas dish is,
00:26:27right?
00:26:28Mm.
00:26:29Oh, no.
00:26:30Mom's testing him.
00:26:31She's trying to see
00:26:31if he's legit.
00:26:32You mean to tell me
00:26:33you two are married
00:26:34and you don't even know
00:26:35my baby girl's favorite food?
00:26:39Ow.
00:26:40Eva, sweetie.
00:26:42Kicking my foot.
00:26:43Oh, sorry, mom.
00:26:45Oh, jeez.
00:26:48It's okay.
00:26:49Look, mom,
00:26:49of course he knows it.
00:26:51I would like to hear
00:26:52Max say it.
00:27:0512 pumpkin pies.
00:27:07Did I hear this right?
00:27:08They're the best kind.
00:27:10Well, of course.
00:27:11It's pumpkin pie.
00:27:13See?
00:27:14Are you happy now?
00:27:16That's good,
00:27:17but something still falls off.
00:27:19Mom,
00:27:20don't make it weird,
00:27:21okay?
00:27:22We had a whirlwind romance
00:27:24and we eloped
00:27:25before we got to know
00:27:26everything about each other,
00:27:27but our marriage is real.
00:27:29I guess your mom's
00:27:30just watching too many
00:27:31of those real short shows.
00:27:33Ah,
00:27:34now those
00:27:35are quality.
00:27:37Okay, well,
00:27:38then answer this.
00:27:40Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:44Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:48I knew it was a good idea
00:27:49to pick this up.
00:27:51Well,
00:27:52um,
00:27:52it's...
00:27:53Silly face,
00:27:54dropped it outside
00:27:55on the sidewalk.
00:27:57Luckily,
00:27:57I was there
00:27:58to pick it up for her.
00:27:59Silly face,
00:28:02I am not paying
00:28:03extra for this.
00:28:04Consider it a Christmas gift.
00:28:06It's lasers.
00:28:07It's nice.
00:28:09You can afford this
00:28:10on a waste manager's salary?
00:28:12Well,
00:28:13believe it or not,
00:28:13Ms. Smith,
00:28:14there is a lot of garbage
00:28:15out there.
00:28:16And I'm not just
00:28:17talking about William.
00:28:18I'll bring to that.
00:28:20I agree with you there.
00:28:22So,
00:28:22come on, guys.
00:28:23Let's eat.
00:28:24Come on.
00:28:36And this is where
00:28:38y'all will be staying.
00:28:39I have another room
00:28:40set up for Piper.
00:28:42Nice and festive for you.
00:28:44No complications,
00:28:46right?
00:28:46Sorry, honey.
00:28:48Uh, mom,
00:28:48you know what?
00:28:49I should stay with Piper
00:28:50tonight.
00:28:50Oh, honey,
00:28:52newlyweds shouldn't
00:28:52sleep apart.
00:28:55Oh,
00:28:56I just remembered
00:28:57the city's turning
00:28:58the water off at 10.
00:28:59Something about
00:29:00water conservation.
00:29:01That means you have
00:29:0215 minutes to
00:29:02shower.
00:29:0315 minutes?
00:29:05Honey,
00:29:06it's no big deal.
00:29:07Just shower together.
00:29:09Shower together?
00:29:13Just shower together.
00:29:15Okay,
00:29:15you guys,
00:29:16have a good night,
00:29:16okay?
00:29:21You heard her.
00:29:44why are you stripping?
00:29:46Well,
00:29:47I can't take a shower
00:29:48with my clothes on.
00:29:49Come on,
00:29:50we're wasting time.
00:29:50You have 15 minutes.
00:29:51Nice try.
00:29:52I am not showering
00:29:53with you.
00:29:54All right,
00:29:55suit yourself.
00:29:56More room for me
00:29:56in there.
00:29:57not if I meet you
00:29:58there first.
00:30:15Come on, Max.
00:30:17Get out of the way.
00:30:19You agreed,
00:30:19nothing physical.
00:30:20You're the one
00:30:21with the dirty thoughts,
00:30:22wifey.
00:30:22Relax.
00:30:23I won't touch you
00:30:25unless you say
00:30:26you want me to.
00:30:29But that'll cost extra.
00:30:31I see.
00:30:39in your dreams.
00:30:42Free to join me.
00:31:03You know,
00:31:04if you keep staring
00:31:04at my ass,
00:31:05you're not gonna have
00:31:06any shower
00:31:06while you're left.
00:31:07You wish.
00:31:08Why aren't you getting in?
00:31:10Pray you'll fall for me.
00:31:12It's you
00:31:13who has to worry
00:31:14about resisting me.
00:31:15Oh, yeah?
00:31:16True.
00:31:29Holy shit.
00:31:33This is going to be
00:31:36harder than I thought.
00:31:38I'll say.
00:31:39What happened
00:31:39to all that cool guy
00:31:40confidence?
00:31:42Still think
00:31:43you can resist?
00:31:45Baby.
00:31:46I don't think
00:31:47I want you.
00:31:52I have to shut up.
00:31:57Or maybe we should.
00:31:59God,
00:32:00he's such a good kisser.
00:32:02Why does this feel
00:32:03so familiar?
00:32:21Max, we cannot do this.
00:32:24What?
00:32:24I didn't mean to
00:32:25cross any...
00:32:26It's not you, Max.
00:32:27It's us.
00:32:28It's this.
00:32:29This is all an act.
00:32:30Let's not make it more
00:32:31complicated than it is.
00:32:32You're right.
00:32:35I'm sorry.
00:32:37I just need to be sorry.
00:32:39Just...
00:32:46That birthmark.
00:32:52What is that?
00:32:55It's him.
00:32:56The man from New Year's.
00:32:57Is he...
00:32:58Piper's father?
00:33:03Why are you acting?
00:33:06Oh my God.
00:33:07Max is Piper's father.
00:33:10Are you okay?
00:33:11Yeah.
00:33:12I just...
00:33:14I just got lightheaded.
00:33:15I think I just need a few more minutes.
00:33:18Alone.
00:33:20Of course.
00:33:24We have a daughter together.
00:33:26Oh my God.
00:33:27What do I do?
00:33:34I'm gonna sleep on the floor.
00:33:36You can take the bed.
00:33:38Thanks.
00:33:40Hey.
00:33:42Are you sure you're okay?
00:33:44Look, fake marriage aside,
00:33:46I'm your husband for the next few days.
00:33:48So if there's something you need,
00:33:49I can help.
00:33:51I want to help.
00:33:53He's Piper's father.
00:33:54He has a right to know.
00:33:57Um, Max.
00:33:59How would you feel
00:34:01if you found out you had a kid?
00:34:06A child?
00:34:08No, no, no.
00:34:09That's impossible.
00:34:10I'm very careful.
00:34:13Mostly.
00:34:16I just mean I'm not the type of guy to sleep around.
00:34:18Family to me is a big commitment.
00:34:20And I don't want any loose ends.
00:34:23You know?
00:34:25Right.
00:34:26He wouldn't want a kid tying him down.
00:34:28I shouldn't tell him about Piper.
00:34:31Why do you ask?
00:34:33No reason.
00:34:34Just curious.
00:34:36No, I feel like you're going somewhere with this.
00:34:39What?
00:34:41No.
00:34:42Well, then can I ask you a question?
00:34:46Shoot.
00:34:51Where did you get these?
00:34:53And how did you know my exact size?
00:34:55I did not get those.
00:34:57I don't know where those came from.
00:34:59Are you sure you're just not trying to break the contract?
00:35:04Stop coming.
00:35:06Get off.
00:35:07Get off.
00:35:07Woo!
00:35:20The truth is...
00:35:21Is that I...
00:35:25Go, go, go, go, go.
00:35:27Just a second.
00:35:28Come in.
00:35:30Come in.
00:35:30Hey, Helen.
00:35:52Go, go, go, go, go.
00:36:08He sprang to his sleigh.
00:36:10To his team gave a whistle.
00:36:12And away they all flew.
00:36:13Like the down of a thistle.
00:36:15But I heard him exclaim.
00:36:17As he drove out of sight.
00:36:19Merry Christmas to all.
00:36:21And to all.
00:36:23A good night.
00:36:26If Piper knew he was her real dad, she'd be over the moon.
00:36:30Good night, Piper.
00:36:35Is her dad still around?
00:36:38Yeah, but he doesn't know it.
00:36:40Because you're her dad.
00:36:42Uh, no.
00:36:43That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:36:51Do you really think so?
00:36:53From the bottom of my heart.
00:36:56Maybe I should tell him.
00:36:57He deserves to know.
00:37:05Max.
00:37:09You're Piper's father.
00:37:17I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:43Where's Piper?
00:37:46She must have snuck off while we were asleep.
00:38:04God, he's such a good kisser.
00:38:14Just gonna kiss and run?
00:38:17Not on my watch.
00:38:22Yeah, this.
00:38:24I remember this.
00:38:35Good morning, you two love bugs.
00:38:38How was your stay at Chateau Smith?
00:38:41Good morning, Miss Smith.
00:38:43It was, uh, it was great.
00:38:44Wonderful.
00:38:45Well, it's about to get even better.
00:38:49Oh, no.
00:38:50What is that?
00:38:52Sardines and Saltines.
00:38:53It's a Smith family classic.
00:38:55It was my gram-grams favorite during wartime.
00:38:58Don't be shy.
00:38:59Go ahead, grab a handful.
00:39:02Max, you don't have to.
00:39:03No, no, it's okay.
00:39:04It's a Smith family staple.
00:39:07Oh, there we are.
00:39:26Good?
00:39:27Mmm.
00:39:28Good?
00:39:30Scrunched.
00:39:31Well, you two better get dressed.
00:39:33You gotta go see Aunt Miranda.
00:39:37Could I, um, could I have some water, please?
00:39:39That means there's no escaping Aunt Miranda and her brood this year.
00:39:43What's the deal with them?
00:39:45Every year, Aunt Miranda bullies Piper and I.
00:39:47Says Piper's a fatherless brat and I'm...
00:39:52Hey, don't worry.
00:39:53I'll protect you and Piper.
00:39:57Better have Sam on standby tonight, just in case.
00:40:02Well, looks like it's time to get dressed up then.
00:40:15Wait, that earring.
00:40:19Wait, that earring.
00:40:20You like it?
00:40:22I was so bummed when I lost the matching one years ago.
00:40:25Did you lose it seven years ago?
00:40:27I don't really remember the details, but luckily I was able to find a new pair.
00:40:33Right.
00:40:34Yeah, it's just a common earring.
00:40:36Anyone can have it.
00:40:37Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
00:40:39She can't be the woman from seven years ago.
00:40:44So Ava and Piper still aren't here.
00:40:48But Derek said that Ava got married.
00:40:51What kind of man could she possibly have landed?
00:40:55An aging single mom.
00:40:57Slim pickings.
00:40:58I heard he's in waste management.
00:41:01That explains it.
00:41:02She's probably too embarrassed to show up.
00:41:05Oh, please, Miranda.
00:41:07No, Ava is your niece.
00:41:09Oh, come on, Grandpa.
00:41:10Everyone knows Ava had a kid with a random one-night stand.
00:41:14Her track record speaks for itself.
00:41:16Exactly.
00:41:17Not like my Sierra.
00:41:18Married to a legal advisor for Harrison Group.
00:41:23Oh, they're here.
00:41:26Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:32Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:34Merry Christmas.
00:41:36You must be Grandpa Harold.
00:41:38I am.
00:41:39I'm Ava's husband, Max.
00:41:41Pleasure to meet you.
00:41:42Welcome.
00:41:42You're Ava's husband.
00:41:45But you're gorgeous.
00:41:49But does Hansa miss you?
00:41:51Look at you two.
00:41:52You look like you just stepped out of a movie.
00:41:54Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:41:56Merry Christmas.
00:41:57This is for Max and I.
00:41:59Oh, my goodness.
00:42:00Thank you, Eva.
00:42:01Let me grab that for you, Daddy.
00:42:04Oops.
00:42:04Oh, my bad.
00:42:06Oh, a homemade gift.
00:42:08How thrifty.
00:42:10Not all gifts are about the price tag.
00:42:12Mommy's right, you mean all a hack.
00:42:15You little.
00:42:17You will not lay a hand on my daughter.
00:42:20Or you will lose yours.
00:42:22Oh.
00:42:23I think you broke my wrist.
00:42:25Look what you just did to my mother.
00:42:27My husband is Harrison Group's top legal advisor.
00:42:31He could ruin your life.
00:42:44Mommy, are you okay?
00:42:46I'm fine.
00:42:47I'm just wet, honey.
00:42:48Yeah.
00:42:49It's okay.
00:42:49It's okay.
00:42:52What are you?
00:42:55Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:42:58Did you just slap me?
00:42:59Next time, it'll be a closed fist.
00:43:01You're a fucking psycho.
00:43:03You know what, Sierra?
00:43:04I can take your little insults, but leave my family out of this.
00:43:09Her family.
00:43:11She needs me.
00:43:17You okay, honey?
00:43:18Do I look okay to you, dumbass?
00:43:20Do something.
00:43:22You don't know who you're messing with.
00:43:23I've got the full weight of the Harrison Group behind me.
00:43:26Oh, wow.
00:43:27I'm sure the CEO would love to hear that you're using his company's name to bully people.
00:43:32Like you'd have any idea how a CEO thinks.
00:43:35Let's call him.
00:43:36I'm sure he'd be more than happy to be on my side.
00:43:39Please, who do you think you are?
00:43:42Enough!
00:43:45There will be no arguing during Christmas.
00:43:48Fine, Dad.
00:43:49Let it go, Nathan.
00:43:51They're just jealous.
00:43:54For Grandpa's sake, I'll let you off easy.
00:43:57I think you owe Nathan a thank you.
00:44:00I think you owe me a thank you for slapping some sense into you.
00:44:04Do you want me to get the other cheek?
00:44:05All right, that's enough.
00:44:06Jeff, everyone come inside and sit down.
00:44:28Is this a joke?
00:44:32Can you please pass me some food?
00:44:34Hold it.
00:44:35Who said you could eat anything else?
00:44:36My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:43My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:46King crab, fresh from Alaska, and grass-fed wagyu.
00:44:51Three times the price, 50 times the flavor.
00:44:54And you don't get a single bite.
00:44:57It's just petty.
00:44:58Maybe so.
00:45:00But gourmet food isn't meant for bottom feeders.
00:45:04Fine.
00:45:05Then we won't stay and eat with you.
00:45:07Come on, let's go.
00:45:08No, no.
00:45:10Don't you dare leave our family dinner.
00:45:13Grandpa, I'm sorry, but they're treating us like...
00:45:16I know, dear.
00:45:17I just want to have our family together.
00:45:19Fine.
00:45:20We'll let the strays sit and eat with us.
00:45:23If you're a stray, then a bitch.
00:45:25What was that?
00:45:29I just want to have our family together.
00:45:32Fine.
00:45:33We'll stay.
00:45:35Can I have a little napalm?
00:45:37It's okay, sweetie.
00:45:38We'll get something right after.
00:45:40Like drive-thru?
00:45:42I hope you enjoy food poisoning.
00:45:44That will be a particularly memorable Christmas present.
00:45:49No strays.
00:45:50Ow.
00:45:51Sweetie, sweetie, are you okay?
00:45:53Yes, please.
00:45:54You hit my child.
00:45:56You're fucking crazy.
00:45:57Well, if you'd teach her some manners, maybe I wouldn't have to.
00:46:04Don't worry, baby.
00:46:05I'll handle it.
00:46:09Don't worry, baby.
00:46:10I'll handle it.
00:46:14Piper.
00:46:16Sweetie, are you ready to try the best food you've ever had in your life?
00:46:22Okay, sweetheart.
00:46:23Give me two minutes and one phone call.
00:46:25As if you have a chef on speed dial.
00:46:28Actually, I do.
00:46:31He's such a liar.
00:46:32This ought to be hilarious.
00:46:34Oh, it will be.
00:46:37Sam.
00:46:39Yeah, send the troops and bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:43I'm already on my way.
00:46:50You hear this guy?
00:46:55He wants the best king crab in the world from Antarctica.
00:46:59Now I get why you married him, Eva.
00:47:02His silly delusions are just adorable.
00:47:05Max, what are you doing?
00:47:07Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
00:47:08Santa's already on his way.
00:47:10Actually, five, four, three, two, one.
00:47:20A helicopter?
00:47:27There's no way.
00:47:34How did you pull this off?
00:47:35Sam is like family.
00:47:37I thought I'd introduce you, too.
00:47:38Thanks, boss.
00:47:40Boss?
00:47:41Eva's always been genuine with me.
00:47:43Maybe it's time she knew who I really am.
00:47:45Eva, I think it's time you actually know the truth.
00:47:49I'm Maximus Harrison.
00:47:53You're the CEO of Harrison Krupp?
00:47:56Mm-hmm.
00:47:59Come on.
00:48:01You can stop kidding around.
00:48:03If you were the CEO, why would you be here pretending to be my husband?
00:48:07No, I actually am the CEO.
00:48:09Come on.
00:48:10You can stop the charade.
00:48:11Okay, this is just another favor from that bigwig friend, isn't it?
00:48:14Eva, I'm not pretending.
00:48:17Mr. Harrison, the Antarctic king crab,
00:48:20as you requested.
00:48:31How is this possible?
00:48:33This loser brings Antarctic king crab
00:48:36and has his own personal chef?
00:48:39Who are you?
00:48:41I told you, I'm Eva's husband.
00:48:43That chef called him Mr. Harrison.
00:48:46Wait, no.
00:48:47Hold on.
00:48:49You're the actual CEO of the Harrison Group?
00:48:54You're worth more than some whole countries.
00:48:56Hmm.
00:48:57Some of the small ones.
00:48:59I mean, you know that.
00:49:01You work for me.
00:49:02Oh, God.
00:49:03I insulted my own boss.
00:49:05I'm finished.
00:49:11Oh, God.
00:49:12I insulted my own boss.
00:49:14I'm finished.
00:49:16Didn't think Max would commit this hard.
00:49:18Pretending to be CEO is a hell of a move.
00:49:20Worth every penny I'm paying him.
00:49:22For tonight, your feast ends.
00:49:24And with that, your career.
00:49:27You're fired.
00:49:28Fired?
00:49:29Sam.
00:49:34Fired?
00:49:35God.
00:49:36I can't be fired.
00:49:38What?
00:49:40Mr. Harrison, please.
00:49:41You can have as much crab as you want.
00:49:43Please, Mr. Harrison.
00:49:44I'll do anything.
00:49:46Guys, take out the trash.
00:49:53And you.
00:49:55Oh, me?
00:49:57Mr. Harrison, come on.
00:49:58That was a Christmas joke.
00:50:00A family tradition.
00:50:02Yeah, well, there's a new family tradition.
00:50:05Sam.
00:50:09Will you do me the honors?
00:50:12A glass, baby.
00:50:16Merry Christmas, Aunt Lina.
00:50:21Father, do something.
00:50:23Well, you kind of deserve that.
00:50:25I'm leaving.
00:50:27Mmm, pumpkin, my favorite.
00:50:35Come on, sweetie.
00:50:36Daddy had the scrapped line just for you.
00:50:38Eat as much as you want.
00:50:40Thanks.
00:50:40Daddy.
00:50:44I am so sorry I ruined your Christmas.
00:50:46I just couldn't take them treating you like that.
00:50:48Honestly?
00:50:50This is the best Christmas I've ever had.
00:50:52Well, if you want, we can have many more.
00:50:54Just like this.
00:50:56Does he really mean that?
00:50:58Or is he just playing the part?
00:50:59I can't tell.
00:51:01And that terrifies me.
00:51:07Merry Christmas, Miss Harrison.
00:51:09I brought you a gift.
00:51:10Here's the paternity test between the boss and that little girl.
00:51:18Oh, this is wonderful.
00:51:21Sam, I have a granddaughter.
00:51:24Tell me everything.
00:51:25Miss Eva Smith, single mother, small town gal, didn't finish high school, currently works in retail.
00:51:31Oh, Maximus, I thought I raised you better.
00:51:35A high school dropout?
00:51:37In the Harrison family?
00:51:40Not a chance.
00:51:44She is clearly unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:51:48Maximus seems to like her.
00:51:49Silence.
00:51:50Get me the address where she works.
00:51:52It's Happy Heels on Broadway.
00:51:53That's nice.
00:51:55We own that one.
00:51:57Good work.
00:51:58But take off that stupid hat.
00:52:09Thanks.
00:52:10So your dad insisted that I try this wine that he's been saving for 20 years.
00:52:17Sounds like he's happy with his new son-in-law.
00:52:19And how about you?
00:52:24Me?
00:52:24Yeah.
00:52:26Are you happy with your new husband?
00:52:32Eva.
00:52:43That birthmark.
00:52:44Family to me is a big commitment, and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:52:51Maximus, there's so much we don't know, so much we're not telling each other.
00:52:55Uh, no feelings, no complications.
00:52:59That's what we agreed upon.
00:53:00Yeah, I didn't sign a contract.
00:53:02Max.
00:53:03Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:53:06It's cold.
00:53:09Maybe I'll go grab some more firewood.
00:53:12Max.
00:53:14I need to tell you something.
00:53:18Something important.
00:53:19What's gotten into her?
00:53:22Is she hiding something?
00:53:23Is this the part where you tell me there's no Santa?
00:53:27I haven't been completely honest with you.
00:53:32Piper is...
00:53:35Piper is...
00:53:36Mommy, Daddy, my hand hurts.
00:53:39Sweetie.
00:53:40Oh, my gosh.
00:53:41I'm swollen.
00:53:42Must have been when that witch smacked her with the fork earlier.
00:53:45Listen, you stay here with Daddy.
00:53:46Mommy's gonna go get a first date kit, okay?
00:53:50Come on, Piper.
00:53:54Okay, let me see.
00:53:58I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or Mommy again.
00:54:02But that's not true.
00:54:04You're leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:54:07Daddy!
00:54:08Uh...
00:54:08Daddy!
00:54:09No!
00:54:12Well...
00:54:17Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:54:22Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:26Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:28Really?
00:54:28Please stay, Daddy.
00:54:34You think it was Scar?
00:54:37Hmm.
00:54:39I wouldn't worry about it.
00:54:41Scars make you look like a badass.
00:54:43I have one, too.
00:54:45Dad.
00:54:46I got that when I was about your age.
00:54:48Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:54:52Really?
00:54:52No way.
00:54:53No.
00:54:54It was actually a cactus.
00:54:56But it's still cool.
00:54:59I have something like that on the back of my neck.
00:55:05Piper, how long have you had that?
00:55:07My mom said I had that when I was born.
00:55:14And how old are you?
00:55:16Six.
00:55:17Six?
00:55:18That one night stand was about seven years ago.
00:55:20Okay, I found the first aid kit.
00:55:22Ivor, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:55:28What do I even say?
00:55:29And how do I explain it to Piper?
00:55:31Sorry, honey.
00:55:32This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:55:36Um, yeah.
00:55:40Can I see your hand, sweetie?
00:55:42Eva.
00:55:47Okay, look.
00:55:52Piper is...
00:55:57Go on.
00:56:03It must be an emergency.
00:56:06Excuse me.
00:56:08Sorry.
00:56:08I'll take this.
00:56:15Mommy, are you okay?
00:56:17Yeah.
00:56:19Mommy's just realizing she's a coward.
00:56:22I don't even have the guts to tell the truth.
00:56:27Why haven't you picked up my calls?
00:56:30I'm telling you, Max, that woman is manipulating you.
00:56:34She's a high school dropout.
00:56:36Doesn't even have a decent job.
00:56:38And she's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:56:40I'm Eva's husband.
00:56:42Max, that man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:56:51I'm sorry, Max.
00:56:52You can't know Piper's your daughter.
00:56:54Your mother would take her away.
00:56:55After Christmas, it's over.
00:57:00Eva?
00:57:01Maximus?
00:57:02Are you even listening to me?
00:57:04No, Mom, Mom, listen.
00:57:06I'm sorry, okay?
00:57:07Eva's my wife, and I've made up my mind.
00:57:09I'm not leaving her.
00:57:12Eva?
00:57:31Oh, wow.
00:57:33That's so cool.
00:57:34Did you make it?
00:57:35Derek, this is from Eva and I.
00:57:38Oh, thank you so much.
00:57:40Just glad you're here.
00:57:44Got it.
00:57:46Wow.
00:57:47Damn, these are nice.
00:57:48Max, Grandpa, language, little ears.
00:57:56Piper, do you want to go see your present?
00:57:58It's in the other room by the train set.
00:58:00Here, I'll go with you.
00:58:01Remember the song that we sang?
00:58:03Ready, ready?
00:58:04Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
00:58:06What do we got, guys?
00:58:07Billy.
00:58:07Walking home from our house, Christmas Eve.
00:58:13You never told me.
00:58:17Have we met before?
00:58:23Have we met before?
00:58:25She's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:58:31I don't know what you're getting at.
00:58:34Eva, I have the same birthmark as Piper.
00:58:45I don't know what you're talking about.
00:58:46Lots of people have birthmarks.
00:58:47They're very common.
00:58:48I feel so awful, but I can't lose my child.
00:58:51No matter how I feel about him.
00:58:56Maybe.
00:58:59Are you okay?
00:59:02Are the clogs a bad idea?
00:59:05No.
00:59:06I'm fine.
00:59:08Oh, I almost forgot.
00:59:14I got you this.
00:59:15You got me a gift, too?
00:59:17Tis the season.
00:59:19Open it.
00:59:33Gloves.
00:59:35Did you make these?
00:59:37Yeah.
00:59:38I know this is a fake marriage, but that's Christmas.
00:59:42You've already done so much for me.
00:59:44I just wanted to do a little something for you.
00:59:48How do they feel?
00:59:50Warm, right?
00:59:51Yeah.
00:59:52Warm.
00:59:55Soft.
00:59:58Perfect.
01:00:02Thank you, Eva.
01:00:04I've never gotten anything this meaningful before.
01:00:08Really?
01:00:10Yeah, my mom.
01:00:11She partied all the time.
01:00:12And I got gifts.
01:00:14Plenty of them.
01:00:15But I don't think she ever bought one herself.
01:00:20Nothing personal.
01:00:22Well, you deserve it.
01:00:24You're a good guy.
01:00:27And someday you'll find someone special to spend all your Christmases with.
01:00:34What if that day's today?
01:00:39What if I already found someone special?
01:00:41Right here.
01:00:44Right here.
01:01:09Max, we can't.
01:01:12If you want me to stop, you better tell me right now.
01:01:19Come on.
01:01:21I don't want you to stop.
01:01:28No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:01:46I want you.
01:01:55Oh, God, you are driving me fucking insane.
01:02:02Piper!
01:02:05Piper!
01:02:11Piper!
01:02:14She can't see us.
01:02:32Piper!
01:02:36Grandma, I'm up here!
01:02:51That was way too close.
01:02:53Yeah.
01:02:54We would have gotten on the naughty list.
01:03:00Sometimes it's fun to be naughty.
01:03:04Can I still unwrap my present?
01:03:08You still haven't given me mine.
01:03:15Let me give it to you.
01:03:17Let me give it to you.
01:03:54Who is calling me this already?
01:03:59Hello?
01:04:00Hello, Eva Smith.
01:04:02I'm Max's mother.
01:04:04Name your price.
01:04:05What will it take for you to leave my son alone?
01:04:08What?
01:04:09We both know my son is way out of your league.
01:04:13Take the money, leave my granddaughter with us, and go.
01:04:17My son will find a better wife and a better mother for his child.
01:04:21Piper is my daughter, and no amount of money you offer could ever make me give her up.
01:04:25So you keep your money, and I'll leave on my own, but I am not handing Piper over to you.
01:04:33There's my beautiful wife.
01:04:39You okay?
01:04:43Look, we made it through Christmas.
01:04:47So I think it's best we go our separate ways.
01:04:50What are you talking about?
01:04:52It's over.
01:04:53It's not that hard to understand.
01:04:59Eva, wait!
01:05:03So last night meant nothing to you?
01:05:09Well, Max, it's not real.
01:05:12None of it was real.
01:05:14None of it was real.
01:05:14So, this is just a goodbye.
01:05:18I didn't realize I was so disposable for you.
01:05:21Look.
01:05:23Last night, I let my guard down.
01:05:27But I'm a mother, and my choices affect Piper.
01:05:30And being with you can mess up everything between us.
01:05:32Just tell me what you need.
01:05:35I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:05:40Just say the word.
01:05:46You don't get it.
01:05:48You don't get it.
01:05:56I think it's time Piper and I go back to New York.
01:06:03I won't give up on us.
01:06:20Are we here?
01:06:22Yes.
01:06:23As much as I don't want us to be, we're back.
01:06:30Piper, sweetie, wake up. We're home.
01:06:37How can she just walk away?
01:06:46Don't forget you have to meet my mom.
01:06:48It's part of the agreement, too.
01:06:50Can I just pay you a little extra and skip it?
01:06:53You promised.
01:06:55Eva, I haven't asked you for much.
01:06:57Can you do this for me, please?
01:07:00All right, fine.
01:07:02When?
01:07:04Two days.
01:07:05I'll come pick you up.
01:07:07No need.
01:07:08Just send me the address and I'll be there.
01:07:15I know you and mommy thought, but she still really likes you.
01:07:20So don't give up, okay, daddy?
01:07:23Thank you, sweetie.
01:07:24If there's one thing you should know about your daddy, I always fight for the ones I love.
01:07:42I'll be there.
01:07:43I'll be there.
01:07:44I'll be there.
01:07:45I'll be there.
01:07:46I'll be there.
01:07:47I'll be there.
01:07:49Eva's meeting my mother today.
01:07:51Time to finally tell her the truth.
01:07:53Boss?
01:07:55Boss?
01:07:59Lady and gentlemen, I am so sorry.
01:08:02I need to go win back my family.
01:08:05Family?
01:08:06Boss, you okay?
01:08:07Never better.
01:08:10Go get her, Max.
01:08:15Give it your best smile.
01:08:17Ah, there he is.
01:08:20Maximus, darling.
01:08:22I have some prospects for you.
01:08:24Nice high society girls from the city.
01:08:29Oh.
01:08:32I told you.
01:08:33I already found the woman I love.
01:08:37What?
01:08:41Maximus, stop this.
01:08:43That evil woman is scamming you, son.
01:08:47Tell me what kind of woman you want and I'll find you another.
01:08:50You are heir to the Harrison dynasty.
01:08:53No, I'm not.
01:08:56Oh?
01:08:57I work in waste management and I'm a secret crime boss.
01:09:01I'm Eva's husband and I'm a father.
01:09:06What?
01:09:20That's her.
01:09:21The woman who got my son head over heels.
01:09:26Hi.
01:09:27Welcome in.
01:09:28Can I help you find something?
01:09:30I want to try those.
01:09:34Awesome, I'll get them for you right away.
01:09:37Are you sure you wouldn't want something more sensible?
01:09:43No, no, no.
01:09:44I know what I want.
01:09:46Size 7.
01:09:49A little bitty can't even walk, but she wants $3,000 heels.
01:09:53Come on, she wants the white shoes.
01:10:00Ignore her.
01:10:01She's just grumpy over the holidays.
01:10:03Here, let me help you.
01:10:04Come on.
01:10:10She...seems kind.
01:10:16I shouldn't be that impressed.
01:10:18She's just doing her job.
01:10:21How do they feel?
01:10:23Well, I love the style, but it's too small.
01:10:26I think I need a size up.
01:10:29Maybe my feet are still growing.
01:10:33Right away.
01:10:35I'll be right back.
01:10:36She's not only kind, she's patient.
01:10:39Was I wrong about her?
01:10:55Are you gluing the heel back on?
01:10:59Well, who gives a shit?
01:11:01She can't walk.
01:11:04That's just pure evil.
01:11:09Oh, come on, St. Eva.
01:11:12She's in a wheelchair.
01:11:14Who cares?
01:11:14It's the last pair.
01:11:16I get paid commission.
01:11:23I'm not doing that, Vanessa.
01:11:26See?
01:11:28This is your whole problem.
01:11:31This is why you'll always be broke.
01:11:34I don't care if she can walk or not.
01:11:37I'm not selling her joke.
01:11:40She has to deal with people like this?
01:11:43People who insult her all day?
01:11:46I'm your manager.
01:11:51Sell the old bitty the shoes, or you're fired.
01:12:00Did I stutter?
01:12:06You don't have to fire me.
01:12:09I quit.
01:12:16I don't work here anymore.
01:12:18Listen.
01:12:19Don't buy the shoes.
01:12:21They're broken.
01:12:22Spend your heart and money elsewhere, okay?
01:12:24You're a good person, after all.
01:12:28Looks like I misjudged you.
01:12:30I'm sorry?
01:12:33Why are you still here, Eva?
01:12:36Get out!
01:12:42You're not disabled?
01:12:44Selling a broken heel to someone you thought was handicapped?
01:12:48Absolutely shameful.
01:12:50Who are you?
01:12:51I am the chairwoman of the Harrison Group, and the owner of this store.
01:12:58You're Eleanor Harrison, mother of the CEO?
01:13:02I am.
01:13:03And you, my dear, are fired.
01:13:07What did I do?
01:13:11You are a good person.
01:13:14From now on, this store is yours to run.
01:13:19Are you serious?
01:13:23That's right.
01:13:25Don't be nervous, child.
01:13:28You are professional.
01:13:30Responsible.
01:13:31Far better than that two-bit manager.
01:13:36You.
01:13:38Out.
01:13:39I'll leave.
01:13:42I'm leaving.
01:13:46I...
01:13:47I...
01:13:47I feel like I'm dreaming.
01:13:50No.
01:13:51Don't worry.
01:13:52You're getting a promotion.
01:13:54What?
01:13:55You deserve it, my dear.
01:13:59First assignment?
01:14:00I want that row, and that row, and the entire display case.
01:14:07Pack it all up and bring it to my house, hmm?
01:14:10Okay.
01:14:11I...
01:14:13Once we're home, I'll tell her I'm her mother-in-law.
01:14:17I can't wait to finally meet my granddaughter.
01:14:26She's the mother of a CEO.
01:14:28Of course she lives like this.
01:14:39Mrs. Harrison, I'm here with your delivery.
01:14:46Max?
01:14:46Eva?
01:14:48What are you doing here?
01:14:51I, uh...
01:14:52There you are, Eva!
01:14:55Wonderful we can finally meet each other properly.
01:14:58My new daughter-in-law.
01:15:01What are you talking...
01:15:05That means you really are the CEO of Harrison Group.
01:15:10Well, I tried to tell you, but...
01:15:12Stop!
01:15:14And you...
01:15:14You lied to me at the store!
01:15:17Y...
01:15:18You were both just testing me?
01:15:19Is this some sick game rich people play?
01:15:22I'm sorry, Eva.
01:15:23I thought you might be using my son just after his money.
01:15:27But I was wrong.
01:15:29Eva, please.
01:15:29I don't deserve to be treated like this.
01:15:32Not every working-class girl is after your money.
01:15:35How could you think that of me?
01:15:36It's not like that, dear.
01:15:39Eva, what are you talking about?
01:15:41Mom!
01:15:42What did you do?
01:15:43I was just trying to get the two of you back together.
01:15:46We're not together.
01:15:48And I can't love something that was never real.
01:15:54I made a horrible mistake.
01:15:58What are you waiting for, son?
01:15:59Go after her!
01:16:04Eva...
01:16:05Let me go!
01:16:06I swear, it's not what you think!
01:16:07We come from two completely different worlds.
01:16:09Stop pretending like you care!
01:16:11I'm not pretending!
01:16:12Okay, I can't fake what we have.
01:16:14And everything I've done for you, and Piper, this is real.
01:16:22Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
01:16:26Max, you came.
01:16:27God, you weren't driving me fucking insane.
01:16:32I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:16:36Just say the word.
01:16:40See?
01:16:42Stop fighting.
01:16:45We belong together.
01:16:48You're wrong.
01:16:50Wrong about what?
01:16:52That you care?
01:16:53Or we belong together?
01:16:55Look, I already told you.
01:16:56We're from two completely different worlds.
01:16:59Now, I held up my end of the deal, and I met your mother, like we discussed.
01:17:03I want a fake divorce from my fake cousin.
01:17:08Eva!
01:17:11Eva!
01:17:14I'm sorry, Maximus.
01:17:16Walking away is the only choice I have.
01:17:24Ow!
01:17:26Are you okay, Mommy?
01:17:28Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine.
01:17:30Come here.
01:17:39No, you're not fine. You're sad.
01:17:43I'm okay, sweetie.
01:17:47I miss Daddy, too.
01:17:51I want Max to be my real Daddy.
01:17:56Don't you want to be with him?
01:18:00Lovebug.
01:18:01Lovebug.
01:18:02You're right.
01:18:03What am I doing? Running like a coward?
01:18:07I've always taught you to be brave.
01:18:10Now it's time for Mommy to be brave, too.
01:18:13I believe in you. What are you gonna do, Mommy?
01:18:17I know exactly what to say to him.
01:18:22Maximus deserves to know, Piper is his daughter.
01:18:32Enough sulking.
01:18:34Go get your wife and my grandbaby back.
01:18:37Don't you think I want to?
01:18:39She doesn't want me.
01:18:41I didn't raise you to give up.
01:18:43Your daughter is still out there.
01:18:45You can't abandon her.
01:18:46Mom, you don't get it.
01:18:48I made a deal with Eva to play my wife.
01:18:51And Piper, she was...
01:18:53an added bonus.
01:18:55What are you talking about?
01:18:57I already ran a DNA test.
01:19:00Piper is your daughter.
01:19:03What?
01:19:04See it for yourself.
01:19:11I was right.
01:19:12Seven years ago.
01:19:14New years.
01:19:15That woman was Eva.
01:19:26Eva!
01:19:28Hey.
01:19:30Daddy!
01:19:32Daddy!
01:19:34Piper!
01:19:37I missed you so much, sweetheart.
01:19:44You came back.
01:19:48I, uh...
01:19:59I was scared.
01:20:02But I don't want to be scared anymore.
01:20:05Because what we have is real and it's worth fighting for.
01:20:10Sweetheart, I have something to tell you.
01:20:13I have something to tell you, too.
01:20:17Piper is your daughter.
01:20:19You knew.
01:20:21My sweet granddaughter.
01:20:23Mama!
01:20:27I just found out for sure a few minutes ago.
01:20:29But you've known this whole time?
01:20:31I was scared.
01:20:32Okay, I didn't know if you were going to take her from me.
01:20:35I didn't know how you were feeling.
01:20:38How could you not know how I felt?
01:20:51I love you, Eva.
01:20:55I love you, too.
01:20:57I promise.
01:20:58For the rest of my life, I'm going to make it up to you.
01:21:02As long as we're together, it doesn't matter where we are.
01:21:15Will you marry me, Eva?
01:21:18For real this time?
01:21:19Yes.
01:21:21Yes, of course, I'll marry you.
01:21:27Yes!
01:21:35Looks like you're stuck with me the next Christmas.
01:21:38And the Christmas after that.
01:21:39And forever?
01:21:42I wouldn't have it any other way.
01:21:49Who's that?
01:21:51Eva!
01:21:54Take me back!
01:21:57I'm sorry!
01:21:58I struck your tire!
01:22:02Looks like I have to take out the trash.
01:22:05Again.
01:22:08No?
01:22:09Not funny?
01:22:10No?
01:22:11I don't know.
01:22:11No?
01:22:12No, no.
01:22:12No.
01:22:12No.
01:22:12No.
01:22:13No, no.
01:22:13You
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