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00:02You
00:20My mom had me when she was my age 15 so I got the sex talk when I was only
00:26seven
00:27But it wasn't your typical birds-and-bees crap
00:31And again, there's not much typical about my mom
00:34Do you have a pen I can borrow sex men want it
00:40And they think you should give it to them, but you should never give anything unless you're getting something in
00:47return
00:51Hey, there are two things you can get from sex with a man
00:56Passion or power
00:57You're such a loser
01:01But you better make sure you're getting something otherwise you're just getting screwed
01:12Oh and use a condom
01:17My mom never lets her guard down
01:21She's always in control
01:24What happens when you're way too cool
01:27It was a really effective sex talk
01:32I'm still a virgin
01:33Virginia Miller
01:34Can I talk to you in the hall for a minute?
01:45Virginia
01:46It's Ginny
01:49Your stepfather's been in an accident. Your mom's on her way here with your brother
01:54I'm so sorry, honey. He didn't make it
02:08Poor Amber Van. I mean, I know they have their problems with the divorce, but still, she must be devastating.
02:14Have you seen the wife? Who shows that much cleavage at a funeral?
02:21Oh
02:21Oops, pardon me. I tripped
02:29Kenny was the best
02:30Kenny was the best
02:31The best
02:33After being a single mother for so long
02:35He was like a godsend
02:37He was like a godsend
02:38And he was wonderful
02:40With Virginia and Austin
02:43He treated him like his very own
02:45Well, they weren't his own
02:48Yet they're getting all his money
02:49Giving poor Davey's inheritance to that
02:52Trash
02:56He was a bastard
02:57He was a generous angel
02:59And I can't believe he's gone
03:03Passion
03:04Passion
03:04Power
03:04Men
03:05Sex
03:06I'll take her word for it
03:08She's the expert
03:11I'm nothing like my mom
03:32In the shower
03:32It wasn't me
03:34She even caught me on camera
03:35It wasn't
03:36Hey
03:36I'm sorry
03:37Do you think this song is appropriate for the nine-year-old in the back?
03:40Oh, please
03:40He doesn't understand any of it
03:42Austin, what's this song about?
03:44Doing it on the bathroom floor and getting caught in line so he don't get in trouble
03:48Go back to your Harry Potter game
03:51What are you wearing?
03:52You look like Vanessa Hudgens at Rydell High
03:54The fact that your Rizzo is Vanessa and not Stockard is literally everything that's wrong with your generation
03:59Stockard is great
04:01Okay, but Vanessa surprised everyone
04:03Who knew?
04:04You lack
04:05You look like you have gangrene
04:08You're gonna lack Massachusetts
04:10It's very patriotic
04:12Perfect for a fresh start
04:14You can't get pregnant
04:16You know something I don't?
04:18A baby named Massachusetts
04:20A Wellsberry
04:21It's child abuse
04:22Barry is kinda cute
04:23You said we'd be here for a while
04:25Right, Mom?
04:26Just the three of us?
04:27Remember that road trip Kenny took us on?
04:29Down to the Great Basin?
04:30The desert?
04:31Yeah
04:31It went on and on and on and on
04:34Well, Mama's day and life is like that desert
04:37Nothing inside as far as the eye can see
04:39There was nothing in that desert
04:41There was nothing in that desert
04:43I'll believe it when I see it
04:45You're crabby today
04:48What's wrong?
04:49I'm sad
04:50I'm a human and I'm having an emotion
04:52Am I allowed to be sad?
04:53Sad?
04:54You hated Texas
04:55Maybe I miss Kenny
04:56You hated Kenny
04:57You hated Kenny
05:00Down, down
05:01Deeper and down
05:03The rumour burned deep straight through the tower
05:08When it landed
05:11Everybody saw
05:13That the truth said people called
05:20Down, down
05:21Deeper and down
05:30Down, down
05:36Down
05:42Down
05:43Down
05:43Down
05:43Down
05:43Down
05:43Down
05:43Down
05:44Down
05:45It's been a while.
05:46Gross.
05:47Seriously.
05:48Just gross.
05:49Scarring.
05:49I'm scarred.
06:07You like it.
06:10You like it.
06:12It looks like Paul Revere boned a pumpkin spice latte.
06:15When morality they intend is pure trash.
06:18No recyclables, who are you the judge?
06:20Mark my words.
06:21We are gonna run this town.
06:23Run it.
06:24Burn it to the ground.
06:25It's like a young JFK.
06:28Like the desert, right?
06:32It's a far cry from the walk up in Houston.
06:35And the apartment in New Orleans.
06:37Look at it.
06:38It's just ours.
06:39Just the three of us?
06:40Mm-hmm.
06:42I'm peeing in the biggest bedroom!
06:44Coming?
06:55Oh, Matt!
06:56Quit knowing!
06:58Shut up!
07:00Shut up!
07:02Shut up!
07:03You little bitch.
07:05Come here!
07:07I'm gonna kill you, Mary!
07:33I wanna know what the hell you were thinking.
07:35Smoking weed on the side of the road, in clear view of everyone!
07:38Neighbors!
07:38The cops!
07:39Seriously!
07:40I wanna know what was going through your brain!
07:43Well, it's legal now.
07:44Not for you it isn't.
07:46You get inside that house.
07:47You are grounded!
07:52Acknowledge me, dammit!
07:53Alright, I'm grounded.
07:55Hey, but why is it dinner though?
07:57Cuz I'm really hungry.
07:59Ah!
08:06Hello?
08:08The door's open.
08:09Come on in!
08:11Hi there.
08:13I'm Ellen Baker.
08:14Welcome to the neighborhood.
08:15Georgia Miller!
08:16And you brought cookies!
08:17Aren't you a peach?
08:19You live right across the way, right?
08:21I think I saw you drive in earlier.
08:23Saw that, did you?
08:24Mm-hmm.
08:25Right.
08:27Well...
08:27Okay, get this.
08:29I'm driving home and I see him on the corner,
08:32smoking a joint in the middle of the sidewalk.
08:34No shame.
08:35Not a care in the world just getting stoned on a Sunday.
08:38When I was a kid, we had the decency to use eye drops and be paranoid.
08:42I get it.
08:42I'm a teenager.
08:43What?
08:45No way.
08:46When did you give birth when you were 12?
08:48Fifteen.
08:49Shit!
08:54Fifteen.
08:55Yup.
08:55I don't know, Dad.
08:56It's a house.
08:57It's big.
08:59I'm unpacking now and it just seems like an exercise in futility.
09:11What?
09:12Yeah, yeah, I'm listening.
09:15Mom's fine.
09:16Yeah, Mom's fine.
09:26Um, hey, Dad.
09:27I'll call you back later.
09:29Peach!
09:30I got you a present!
09:36Gross.
09:37Totally gross.
09:38But I thought you could wear it to school tomorrow.
09:41I'm not gonna be white and bougie even if you put me in a cable knit sweater.
09:44What if?
09:44I put you in a charcoal infinity scarf.
09:49This is the new thing you're doing now?
09:51Hate on Mom?
09:52Come on.
09:53This isn't us.
09:54We're like the Gilmore Girls, but with bigger boobs.
09:57I'm just tired.
09:59Big day tomorrow.
10:00New school number five.
10:01You know, I read that stability is crucial for children in their formative years.
10:05Maybe that's why Austin still wets the bed.
10:07This place is different.
10:08I can feel it.
10:09We're gonna put down roots.
10:11That's what you said about Houston.
10:12Yeah, I was admittedly wrong about Houston.
10:13Whatever, Mom.
10:14It's always the same.
10:15Hey, try to be a bit more creative.
10:17This super stereotypical angsty teen girl routine you got going on.
10:21Frankly, it's boring.
10:29I hate it when you're mad at me.
10:31Mom, come here.
10:39It's me and you against the world, kid. Remember that.
10:42That's dramatic.
10:43What about Austin?
10:44I don't want you to be nervous about tomorrow.
10:45I'm not.
10:47Liar.
10:47I'm not nervous.
10:49I do need to get a good night's sleep.
10:52Ah, you're so responsible.
10:54Sometimes I can't believe you came out of me.
10:58Fun visual.
10:59Thanks for that.
11:03Mom, what?
11:05Nothing.
11:06Not peach.
11:07You.
11:09You.
11:10You.
11:17Oh, my God.
12:00Oh, my God.
12:11Oh, can't you see that's doing red?
12:17Some things are better left unsaid.
12:23Yeah, I put two gunshots in the air.
12:28The people scattered everywhere.
12:35But I don't really give a care.
12:41Nope.
12:41Some things in life are just unfair.
12:47Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:49I walk over like a soldier.
12:52I'm high like Arizona.
12:53Mix the bacon and the soda.
12:55I ain't mixing bacon soda.
12:56Mm, yeah, yeah, yeah.
12:58Ain't getting no rain.
13:01I walk over like a soldier.
13:03I'm cold as North Dakota.
13:05Mix the bacon and the soda.
13:06I ain't mixing bacon soda.
13:08Mm, yeah, mm, yeah.
13:10Ain't getting no pain.
13:11I hear the voices in my mind.
13:14Come get tased.
13:26Hey, kids.
13:27Come here.
13:29What's your name?
13:34Georgia.
13:40Who happened to your face, Georgia?
13:43You know, I'm gonna give you some advice.
13:45It looks like you need it.
13:47You win more flies with honey.
13:49But if you get yourself a bee,
13:52sting first.
14:07Hey, kid.
14:11Who are you?
14:12My kids and I just moved in across the street.
14:14I hear you, bud.
14:16I can't sleep out, really.
14:18Help me out right now.
14:21Say something.
14:22Y'all bud or not?
14:26Thanks, kid.
14:28It's Marcus.
14:29Don't do drugs, Marcus.
14:37Is this it?
14:38This is nothing.
14:40Hogwarts makes this look like a joke.
14:42Yeah.
14:43Would Harry Potter be scared?
14:45No, but Ron would.
14:46Yeah, well, Ron's a pussy.
14:48Okay, now, soldier.
14:49Tin hut!
14:50Remember, you win more flies with honey,
14:53but if you get yourself a bee...
14:54Sting first, crucio!
14:56Oh!
14:57Oh!
15:00Hey.
15:02Hey, hey, hey.
15:03It's okay.
15:05You're magic.
15:07Remember?
15:07Look at that kid.
15:10Oh!
15:13Get on in there, then.
15:17First day's always the hardest.
15:19I'm Cynthia.
15:20George Miller.
15:21This is Bev and Bonu.
15:23We were thinking that you were one of the new teachers just now.
15:25You look too young to be a mom.
15:28Oh!
15:28I'm sure you get that all the time.
15:32Love your bags.
15:33You moved into that house on Bradley Street,
15:35the one with the working fireplace and the crown mold.
15:37How did you know?
15:38I'm in real estate.
15:40Cynthia is the land mogul of Wellsbury.
15:42Georgia, what is your feeling on organic produce?
15:50Organic produce?
15:51What would you say if you found out the elementary school only offered fast food options to our children for
15:58lunch?
15:58Pizza, chicken nuggets, cheeseburgers.
16:03Sounds like a problem.
16:05I'm so happy to hear you say that.
16:07You'll have to come to the school board meeting tomorrow night.
16:10I'm hosting it at the neighborhood club.
16:12Paul Randolph is going to have to pay attention to us if we show up in force.
16:16Tell me you'll be there.
16:17Paul Randolph?
16:18The mayor.
16:19He runs the town, but he's not a parent.
16:21So, say you'll be there.
16:24I'll be there.
16:26Amazing.
16:27We need as many outreach moms to make it as thanks as possible.
16:30Mm-hmm.
16:31Anyway.
16:32Yeah, I'll be so happy.
16:33Here's your show.
16:34Stinged from Stinged.
16:35Okay.
16:43Virginia, I should warn you, we keep a rigorous pace in AP English.
16:47The AP students take this very seriously.
16:50So, if my class proves to be too much for you, I suggest you do yourself a favor and move
16:54down to regular English.
16:56Okay?
16:56I'd hate to see you bite off more than you could chew.
16:59We cover all the greats.
17:01Steinbeck, Salinger, Miller, Homer, Fitzgerald, Shakespeare, of course.
17:07Um, 16 books total.
17:10Okay?
17:10It's Ginny.
17:14I'm leaving in a crust, commercial.
17:16Welcome back, AP English.
17:19Hiding in the back there, you will find our new student, Virginia Miller.
17:24I trust you will make her feel welcome.
17:26It's Ginny.
17:27Now, I know it's our first day back from summer vacation, but I thought it was an excellent opportunity for
17:32a pop quiz.
17:33Those of you who didn't do the summer reading of The Crucible are in for a world of pain.
17:39Uh, don't worry, Virginia.
17:41I don't expect you to have read it.
17:44Oh, yes, you have a question.
17:46There are 16 books on this syllabus.
17:49Yes.
17:50Like I said, you can always drop down to regular...
17:5214 of them were written by men, 15 were written by white people.
17:55And I'm willing to make a guess that the one black author will crop up in the syllabus just in
17:58time for Black History Month.
17:59Am I right?
18:01Excuse me?
18:01I'm very serious about my education, Mr. Gitton.
18:05I'm worried I might internalize an ideology that the main viewpoint, the viewpoint worth studying in class, the viewpoint of
18:10the greats, is only that of the white male.
18:13That's eradicating my voice as immaterial.
18:15And finally, I'm worried I won't be stimulated intellectually.
18:19Also, I have read The Crucible, and I'm confident that I can take the pop quiz today.
18:25Are you quite through, Virginia?
18:27No.
18:29Please call me Ginny.
18:31Well, I don't know how things were done at your last school, Ginny.
18:36But here, we don't tolerate political outbursts and grandstanding at the expense of your peers' class time.
18:44Yes, Maxine?
18:45Hi.
18:46I'm, like, also super concerned about my subconscious digestion of the superiority of the white male perspective.
18:51And also, I have period cramps, so can I go to the nurse?
18:56Okay, that's it.
18:58For the rest of the class, we will be silent and take the pop quiz.
19:01It's worth 10% of your first semester grade.
19:09You're new, right?
19:11Just moved in across the street?
19:14It's Monday.
19:18What kind of cultural wasteland are you from?
19:21You've never heard of the band Wednesday?
19:27Yeah, I have.
19:28They have that one song.
19:30No, they don't.
19:32They don't exist.
19:33I just made them up.
19:35Grabbed the first shirt I saw this morning.
19:36Whatever.
19:38I met your mom last night.
19:41Yeah, well, she can be very friendly.
19:43She asked me for weed.
19:45She wasn't that friendly.
19:46Yeah, well, she can also be kind of a bitch.
19:51Marcus, be gone.
19:54See you around, baby.
19:57Sorry about Marcus.
19:58He's an asshole.
20:00Yeah, total asshole.
20:01Yeah, he's my twin brother.
20:03Oh, I'm sorry.
20:04No, no, I'm sorry.
20:05I should have strangled him with my umbilical cord in the womb and done humanity a solid.
20:10Are you coming?
20:13Um, so where are you from?
20:15Texas.
20:16Texas.
20:17That's so exotic.
20:18Are you straight?
20:19What?
20:20You know, like gay, straight, them, they.
20:21They even let you be gay in Texas?
20:23Um, I'm straight.
20:24Ugh, such a bummer.
20:26There are no good gays here.
20:28You are going to love my friends, okay?
20:31So that's Nora, that's Jordan, that's Brody, that's Hunter, and this is Abby.
20:36Guys, this is Jenny.
20:38She is my new neighbor.
20:39She's from Texas, and I'm in love with her, so y'all need to worship her and be nice.
20:43Um, howdy.
20:46Howdy.
20:47God, I love Southern accents.
20:49You know, I feel like you could get away with saying the nastiest shit, and it would still
20:53come out sounding all sweet and charming, like you were offering me lemonade, you know?
20:57Like, I'll cut your face.
21:00See?
21:00He's still charming.
21:02And you know what?
21:03Your skin is flawless to you, J-roll.
21:05Oh, sorry.
21:06Is that like when white girls touch black girls' hair?
21:08Look, if you're being an offensive dick, it's just because we have more Starbucks than black
21:11people.
21:11So, why'd you move to Wellsbury?
21:13Um, my stepdad died.
21:16Well, oh, it's fine.
21:18Well, how did he die?
21:20A car accident.
21:21Well, a heart attack and then car accident.
21:24That's horrible.
21:25Was anyone else hurt?
21:26Was he on the highway?
21:27Was he on a motorcycle?
21:29I saw the most gruesome motorcycle accident this one time.
21:32This guy's arm was literally like four lanes away from the rest of him.
21:35And you know what?
21:36My stupid idiot twin, he's probably going to end up the exact same way, right?
21:39Because he just bought a motorcycle, which is even more pathetic than it sounds, because
21:43our birthday is not even until December, which is when he could even ride the damn thing.
21:46And by that point, the roads will be all icy and he'll probably just die immediately.
21:50Chill, Max.
21:54Oh, I didn't mean to like bring up painful memories for you.
21:57It's just, I really love all that gruesome shit, you know?
21:59Like, I'm so morbid.
22:01I've seen every episode of SVU and I only listen to podcasts about girls like me getting brutally
22:05murdered.
22:05Do you want some of my yogurt?
22:07Uh, you know what?
22:09You're right.
22:10The food here is crap.
22:12Let's make off campus and get some tacos.
22:16Come, seriously.
22:25Hello again, JFK.
22:28Thanks, Joe.
22:30Do I know you?
22:31I don't know.
22:32Do you?
22:34Right.
22:35Name tag.
22:35Duh.
22:36With City Hall right there, I imagine you'd do a kill in that lunch.
22:39I bet they all just filter right in.
22:41Yeah.
22:42And you are?
22:43Hey, Joe.
22:44Just picking up my usual to-go again.
22:48Already got it ready.
22:49Marie!
22:52All right.
22:52You got it.
22:55Oh!
22:55Oh!
22:56No!
22:57Oh, I'm so clumsy.
22:58Are you okay?
22:59Georgia.
23:01Paul Randolph, mayor.
23:03That was instinct.
23:04I am so sorry.
23:05I've forgotten how to introduce myself like a human.
23:07Uh, let me start over.
23:09Hi.
23:10I'm Paul.
23:12I can't believe this is the first impression I'm making.
23:15I just moved to town.
23:16You have to let me buy you another of whatever you were having.
23:19Oh, no.
23:19No, no, I'm sure it's-
23:19I insist.
23:20You must have lunch with me and let me make it up to you.
23:23And I'll have someone to talk to.
23:24His usual, Joe.
23:26Uh, um, you know what?
23:30I usually just eat at my desk, so.
23:36But why not?
23:37You know what?
23:39All right.
23:41Georgia.
23:41Mayor Paul.
23:43Uh, no, just Paul.
23:45Just Paul.
23:46Listen, I know you're new here, but you already stumbled upon the town's best-kept secret.
23:51You see, Joe, the owner, he owns a farm just outside of town.
23:55Singing my praises, Paul?
23:56No, I'm exposing you.
23:59See, what he does is he hires a bunch of college kids to run the farm for college credit
24:03to the School of Agriculture, and then he gets a bunch of kids to run the restaurant
24:06for him, for credit, to the culinary school.
24:09It is a tremendous scam, but the hummus is outrageous.
24:14I appreciate a good scam.
24:16I gotcha.
24:21Everyone here is just so happy.
24:23It's a front.
24:24They're all miserable.
24:25Everyone's just slowly marching inevitably and inevitably closer to death.
24:29Also, I totally saw Hunter checking you out earlier.
24:32That's very cute.
24:34Jenny?
24:37That's my mom.
24:39Now are her boobs real?
24:41Who's that guy she's talking to?
24:43That's Mayor Paul, waiting for my bachelor casting call, Randolph.
24:47Yeah, all the thirsty moms throw their twats at him.
24:49Let's get out of here.
24:51It's really nice.
24:52I don't get to just sit and enjoy lunch anymore.
24:55It is a complete madhouse over there.
24:57It's usually Chinese takeout and lunch with my campaign manager, Nick, who is just relentless.
25:04You know, this might be fate.
25:07What?
25:07I'd love to get a job in town.
25:10Help me meet more people.
25:11Keep busy.
25:12We could try it out.
25:13Just a few weeks.
25:16Um, okay.
25:17Uh, well, Georgia, do you have any experience in politics?
25:21Not exactly, but I can help.
25:24I've been supporting myself since I was 15.
25:25I'm smart.
25:26I'm capable.
25:27I'm a fast learner, and I'm resourceful.
25:28You give me a basket of lemons, you'll have lemonade, lemon pie, and lemon ring.
25:33I'm sorry.
25:33This card was declined.
25:35Oh.
25:35What?
25:36Do you have another one I could try?
25:37Here, just use this one.
25:39Um.
25:39Um, Georgia, I'm sure you can do all of the things, you know, with the lemons, but I'm
25:46not really hiring right now, and I've already got Nick, so...
25:50Oh, Nick's relentless.
25:52I'm sorry.
25:55Of course.
25:56It was only a thought.
26:00Hey.
26:01Where are your glasses?
26:03Can we go?
26:05Who did this?
26:07Show me.
26:09It looks like the apple doesn't fall far from the rotten tree.
26:13Look at me.
26:14You're magic.
26:15Screw that asshole.
26:16He's a bee.
26:17And what do we do to bees?
26:31For the bees.
26:33Come on.
26:44Hey there, little lady.
26:46Hey there, big fat guy.
26:48You're feisty, ain't ya?
26:50Oh.
26:50You're sitting down.
26:52That's fun.
26:53We are having fun.
26:58She told you, Marty.
27:00Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
27:05Want to buy me one of those?
27:08Zion.
27:09How old are you?
27:10How old are you?
27:1117.
27:12But it doesn't matter.
27:14The real question is, how old is Devin Fisher?
27:17Devin Fisher's 21.
27:19And does not secure his belongings when he and his girlfriend's skinny day by Yosemite.
27:2317.
27:24I'm on a road trip.
27:25Finding myself.
27:27It's all very Jack Kerouac.
27:31Kerouac on the road.
27:33Okay, come on.
27:34How old are you?
27:38Fair enough.
27:43You know the problem with an eye for a nut?
27:46Makes the whole world blind.
27:48You go for the eye.
27:50You go for the hand.
27:56Austin.
27:57Found the super glue to fix your glasses.
28:02Honey?
28:15Down, down, deeper than down.
28:21The rumor burned it straight through the town.
28:25And when it landed, everybody saw that the truth is called.
28:36Your bedroom is amazing.
28:38I know.
28:40Oh, hey, this is really cute.
28:43Try it on.
28:47Oh, I love that on you.
28:50You have to keep it.
28:52Seriously?
28:52Yeah, 100%.
28:54Looks way better on you than it ever did on me.
28:58I cannot believe how much English homework we have, and it is only our first day.
29:02Ugh, Mr. Guttin is such an asshole.
29:05Oh, he's a power-hungry monster.
29:06Total troll beneath the bridge.
29:08It's like, I'm sorry you suck.
29:10Yeah, like, I'm so sorry that your dick is small and nobody wants to touch it.
29:14I'm sorry you're balding.
29:16That must be hard for you.
29:17So how are you liking Wellsbury?
29:19Is it paradise?
29:21It's weird.
29:22I'm supposed to subtly and casually ask you if you have a boyfriend?
29:28Hunter wants to know.
29:30Oh, uh, no, I don't.
29:32I've never had a boyfriend.
29:33I've never even kissed a guy.
29:35We move a lot, so I'm always the new girl.
29:37That sounds awful.
29:39Or potentially thrilling.
29:41Like, you can utterly change your personality.
29:44You'd get along with my mother.
29:45I would love to get along well with your mother.
29:48God, she is so bangin'.
29:49Ah, well, welcome to the opinion of literally everyone who's ever met Georgia.
29:53Georgia?
29:54And you're Virginia?
29:55Yeah.
29:56My brother's Austin.
29:58Her mom named us after the places we were born.
30:01Poetic.
30:02I just, I can't believe she was with that guy today.
30:05She always does this.
30:06She moves us around and she meets a guy and then they break up so we have to move again.
30:10Or she meets a guy and then we have to move to go be with that guy.
30:13It's always about a freaking guy.
30:15I mean, I guess I can't blame her for Kenny dying, but she promised that this time would be different.
30:18And what?
30:19Uh, noon on our first day in town?
30:22Well, you can't move.
30:24I've decided I really like you.
30:26Really?
30:27Uh, yeah.
30:29I'm confident I can take the pop quiz today.
30:32You're my idol.
30:33Do you want a soda?
30:34Because my blood needs sugar and chemicals to focus.
30:37Sure.
30:37Cool.
30:49Are you stalking me, neighbor?
30:52What?
30:53No.
30:54Max invited me.
30:57No one here's being fooled
31:01Back to the days when I was your thief and
31:06And I could play it cool
31:11Exhausting myself trying to excite you
31:15With the same things as before
31:19But the world's ran dry and all the tricks up my sleeve
31:24Oh, yeah
31:25Baby, I've got no more
31:27Marcus, what are you doing?
31:30God, why is that in my room?
31:32Because no one checks your room.
31:33Gross.
31:34Get help.
31:34Also, can you please leave?
31:35Because we're trying to study.
31:42Sorry about him.
31:44It's fine.
31:45Yeah.
31:56So what's your favorite song by Wednesday?
31:59You don't have to be a jerk.
32:01No, I don't have to be.
32:03Nice bike.
32:04Thanks.
32:05Maybe I'll give you a ride sometime.
32:08When?
32:08December?
32:15Girls always wanted to stay on the bike.
32:17All right.
32:18Where's your phone?
32:21Hey, stop!
32:23Go!
32:42Virginia Miller, you little idiot.
32:45Okay.
32:57That was seriously not cool.
33:09Oh.
33:13Marcus, let's go!
33:18Who's she?
33:19No one.
33:20Just one of Maxine's dumb friends.
33:34And how was your first day, dear?
33:36I've got a ton of homework to do.
33:37Hey, you get back here when I am talking to you!
33:40I don't want you with that guy or on that bike!
33:44You don't understand.
33:45Oh, you think I don't understand?
33:48I understand.
33:49Believe me, Mommy understands.
33:52You are me, and I was an idiot.
33:55I've broken my back giving you every opportunity that I never had.
33:59So, of course, you're going to throw it all away on the first jerk-off Sean Hunter wannabe.
34:03You know who's sexy?
34:05Skinny nerdy guy in your biology class.
34:07Have sex with that guy.
34:08Bang future Mark Zuckerberg.
34:09Have you learned nothing from Romy and Michelle?
34:11What?
34:12Nervous I might tap into your weed supply, Mommy?
34:14I'm not banging anyone because I'm not you.
34:17I don't just show up into a new town and immediately have a new boyfriend.
34:21I saw you today with that guy.
34:23What guy?
34:24Hey, honey.
34:25Look, I fixed your glasses.
34:28Why don't you tell Austin, Mom?
34:30Tell him how all your promises are shit because you're already getting your hooks into some guy.
34:34So don't give me the sob story and all the crap you went through so we could have a better
34:37life
34:38because, frankly, it's boring.
34:41You're with a guy?
34:43Austin, it's...
34:46Fine.
34:47We want to slam doors, but we could all slam doors.
35:03May I help you?
35:04I was looking for a bag.
35:06What kind of bag?
35:07A really nice one.
35:10I can pay.
35:11I meant, did you have a designer in mind?
35:13We have a lovely bag selection.
35:15Oh, okay.
35:17For a second there, I thought we were going to have a pretty woman moment.
35:21You work on commission, right?
35:23No, I don't.
35:27This is lovely.
35:30Great.
35:37I'm sorry, miss.
35:38This is declined.
35:39Do you have another card?
35:40Try it again.
35:46I'm sorry.
35:50So, I guess the pretty woman moment is going to happen after all.
35:55Mm-hmm.
36:04Hello?
36:06Ah, excuse me, but I got these as a gift from my husband.
36:09He is so well-meaning.
36:11He lost the receipt.
36:13And I told him to just come back in here and talk to you because I knew you would understand.
36:16But he was too chicken.
36:18So, here I am, returning my own wedding anniversary present.
36:22Can you believe?
36:23I was thinking store credit.
36:30Why is my card getting declined?
36:32Georgia.
36:33It's my money.
36:34Kenny left it to me.
36:35Listen, we're not dealing with chump change here.
36:38We're dealing with yoga studios.
36:40We're dealing with a house.
36:41We're dealing with an ex-wife who thinks you're the Antichrist.
36:44She's contesting the will.
36:46What?
36:47What is that?
36:49Is she talking to the cops?
36:50Cops?
36:51Why would she talk to cops?
36:52This is about the will.
36:54She's just saying she helped build his yoga franchise.
36:57Yogi, boogie, woogie, or some stupid shit.
37:00Yeah, yoga, bo, boga, three locations.
37:02She's saying you're a cheap skank who married Kenny for his money, and she deserves a part
37:07of the franchise.
37:08She really hates you.
37:09It's my money, Marty.
37:10It's legit.
37:11Listen, it's all fine.
37:13Take care of our own.
37:15And I'm taking care of it.
37:17Marty, I own a house now with a vegetable garden and everything.
37:21I need the money from Kenny's account.
37:23The garden sounds nice.
37:24Marty, you're my lawyer.
37:26Figure out my money, please.
37:30Hi, Zach.
37:31I'm Austin's mom.
37:33Would you come over here for a second?
37:37Zach, Austin was telling me about how you broke his glasses.
37:41No, I didn't.
37:42It wasn't a question.
37:43You broke Austin's glasses, which makes you a B.
37:46Austin fell and broke his glasses just like you fell and broke your nose.
37:51Understand?
37:51Ah!
37:52Ah!
37:53Ah!
37:54That was a question.
37:55Do you understand?
37:57Yes!
37:58Mm-hmm.
37:59Ow!
38:00Ow!
38:01Ow!
38:02We got a nosebleed over here!
38:04Ow!
38:06Zach!
38:07Oh!
38:08Sweetheart, are you okay?
38:10He had a nasty little spill.
38:12Thank you so much for being here.
38:13Of course!
38:14Such a sweet boy!
38:16You should be more careful.
38:19And I'll see you tonight, Cynthia.
38:21I am so excited for the school board meeting.
38:23We don't protect our kids.
38:25Who will?
38:26Yes, that's exactly right.
38:29Oh, sweetie.
38:35So then, after ordering the shrimp basket, Jack's like reaches into his pants.
38:39Not his pocket, Jenny.
38:40His pants.
38:41Like where his balls are.
38:42And he just pulls out a ring and he proposes.
38:44It is the best show.
38:46Hunter, do you watch Vanderpump Rules?
38:47No, sorry.
38:48Neither does Jenny.
38:49You guys are so uncultured.
38:51She's coming over tonight so I can pop her cherry.
38:53Oh, okay.
38:55Uh, I was just gonna ask if you want to maybe hang later tonight, but...
38:58Oh.
39:00No.
39:00She can hang.
39:02She can hang.
39:03But you just said...
39:03It's the worst show, Hunter.
39:05Seriously.
39:05Once the cast turned 30, it was just sad.
39:08Okay.
39:08So, would you want to then?
39:11Uh-huh.
39:11Sure.
39:12Great.
39:13It's a date.
39:14Oh.
39:16A date?
39:17You mean as friends?
39:19Or as a date.
39:21Uh, right.
39:24Yeah.
39:24Um, okay.
39:25Yeah, let's do that.
39:26That sounds...
39:28Good.
39:29A date.
39:30Cool.
39:31Cool.
39:33Look at you go, Texan.
39:35I have a date.
39:36You'll obviously need to borrow something to wear since all your clothes are horrible.
39:39No offense, just like from what I've seen so far, I'm assuming.
39:43But I'm very excited.
39:44I'm dying.
39:45I've never had a date.
39:47Oh, my God.
39:47This is your first date ever.
39:48This is huge.
39:49I mean, it's no big deal.
39:51Okay, I'm ignoring you because obviously this is a big deal.
39:54Hunter Chen is v-hot and v-cool, and I will be over at six to help you get ready.
39:58Whoa, I've never been this excited in my life.
40:00Whoa.
40:01Holy shit.
40:03Who's that?
40:05That is Ginny's mom.
40:10I know.
40:12I'll catch you guys later.
40:14See you tonight, Ginny.
40:19What are you doing here?
40:21You know I hate when you show up at my school.
40:24I want to make up.
40:25I don't like when we fight.
40:26I brought a surprise.
40:27Car picnic!
40:28Car picnic!
40:29Hey, whatever.
40:29Car picnic.
40:30Let's just get out of here.
40:39Bacon-y.
40:41Pass the chocolate milkshake, please.
40:43Grotesque.
40:45Okay.
40:46You have to stop.
40:48I shouldn't have gone all mom on you about that jerk-off with the bike, but I had a flashback
40:54of this age, and your whole life flashed before my eyes, and you were pregnant and broke and
40:59a high school dropout and all that was fine.
41:01But then, you had a super bratty teenage daughter, and honestly, that was awful.
41:08I just wouldn't wish that on you.
41:16Forgive me.
41:17Yes?
41:18Yes.
41:18Woo!
41:19You were right.
41:21He was a jerk-off.
41:23Besides, um, I have a date tonight with a different guy.
41:28Zuckerberg?
41:28Mom.
41:29Your first date ever.
41:31This is big.
41:32That's what Maxine said.
41:33Maxine?
41:35Oh.
41:36Uh, my new friend.
41:38Your new friend.
41:39Well, well, well.
41:41I told you this place was different.
41:44Yeah, yeah.
41:44Give me the bacon donut.
41:49This is putrid.
41:57I like it.
41:59This will keep the swelling down.
42:03Do I want to know?
42:05You wouldn't approve.
42:09I am done here.
42:10Wow, these extensions are great.
42:12You look beautiful.
42:15You both are really ruining this for me.
42:17This is some straight Judy Blume shit.
42:19I want my ashes scattered in this closet.
42:21Don't rub your eyes.
42:22You'll smear your mascara.
42:24And under no circumstances have six.
42:27However, if you end up giving him a blowjob, there is this trick the balls.
42:30Mom!
42:31I'm kidding.
42:32No blowjobs.
42:33You're trying too hard to be edgy.
42:35It's annoying.
42:36And no one likes you.
42:37I like you.
42:38She likes me.
42:39Tell me about this Hunter kid.
42:42Oh, yeah.
42:43I've known Hunter my whole life.
42:44Seventh grade is when he got hot, but he's still, like, super nice, so everyone loves him.
42:49And he's, like, super smart.
42:50He's in our AP English class.
42:52We saw Ginny's epic takedown.
42:54Takedown?
42:55No, it was nothing.
42:56It was awesome.
42:58Mr. Gittin was all, like, you won't be able to keep up in this class.
43:01And then Ginny was all, like, you're a racist.
43:03It was awesome.
43:04He said you couldn't keep up.
43:06It wasn't a big deal.
43:07Please just don't do anything.
43:08I can handle it.
43:10Fine.
43:12You're wearing that to a school board meeting?
43:15Yeah.
43:17Thanks, man.
43:18So, where in Texas are you from?
43:21Austin, and then Fort Worth, and then Houston.
43:25Wow.
43:25You move around a lot.
43:27Must be hard to, like, make friends and stuff.
43:29Yeah, it sucks.
43:32Hey.
43:33Let's just skip over all that typical first date stuff and get juicy with it.
43:38Juicy?
43:38The dirt.
43:39The goods.
43:41I'll start.
43:43When I was in fifth grade, I had crazy buck teeth.
43:46Big monster baddies.
43:50I had buck teeth, too.
43:51Oh.
43:52I had headgear.
43:53I had a wheeling backpack.
43:55Oh, God.
43:57Oh, no.
43:57No.
43:58I have to leave.
44:09Ellen, hi.
44:10I have your plate.
44:11It's washed and ready.
44:12Want to smoke the weed I confiscated from my delinquent son?
44:17I need this to survive tonight.
44:20Those mothers are vicious.
44:23I got that.
44:24The criminal mastermind hid it in a box in the back of his closet labeled math homework.
44:29Right?
44:31Like, I believe he'd label his homework.
44:34He doesn't even do his homework.
44:37Jenny's on a date tonight.
44:38I know.
44:39Max wouldn't shut up about it.
44:42Max is gay.
44:44She came out when she was nine by announcing her love for Barbie's boobs.
44:48Bitches got gray boobs.
44:49We're good with it.
44:51Clint and I.
44:51That's my husband, Clint.
44:53He's very supportive.
44:54He's a good dad.
44:55That's important.
44:57Jenny's dad's a good dad.
44:59Zion.
45:00He does this thing where he sends her books all the time.
45:02He writes in the margins, little notes for her.
45:04It's cute.
45:07Austin's dad's terrible.
45:08He's in prison.
45:09Prison?
45:10For what?
45:10Fraud.
45:11Embezzlement.
45:12Oh, don't worry.
45:13He was framed.
45:14How do you know?
45:17I framed it.
45:23You guys, shh, shh.
45:24There they are.
45:28Why do you open the door for her?
45:31He draws a borscht.
45:34This was fun.
45:36Very fun.
45:37Wholesome fun.
45:38In a good way.
45:39Not a bad way.
45:40Lame way.
45:40I don't think you're lame.
45:41I think you're nice.
45:42You wouldn't ask me to play with your balls.
45:47Oh, my God.
45:49No, it's okay.
45:50I had a good time tonight.
46:02See ya.
46:03Okay.
46:05Ow!
46:06Ow!
46:07Mom, please, grow up.
46:09That was one steamy hub.
46:11Thank you for respecting my privacy and having normal mother-daughter boundaries.
46:15You're welcome.
46:20We live in one of the wealthiest cities in the U.S.
46:23I find it unbelievable.
46:25I mean, we can buy organic food.
46:27Sylvia runs Welsberry.
46:29Trust me.
46:29Just steer clear.
46:31Steer clear.
46:32Guy.
46:32My good plastics are what is going to get our children.
46:35It's in our food.
46:36See, you've already met the town's most eligible bachelor.
46:39Yummy, no?
46:40It's a conspiracy.
46:42We hear you, and we do not disagree with you.
46:45However, our options are extremely limited.
46:48This is the cheapest meal plan available, and our budget is stretched too thin.
46:52Unacceptable.
46:53To consider this time we can shelve it.
46:54Excuse me.
46:55Excuse me, everybody.
46:57For those who don't know me, I'm Georgia Miller.
46:59I am so grateful to Cynthia for alertin' me to this problem.
47:04I know you're all familiar with Welsberry's best-kept secret, Joe's Blue Farm Cafe.
47:10His hummus is outrageous.
47:12Joe has graciously offered for a very affordable fee to provide a healthy, locally grown, organic
47:19lunch option to the school district, fresh from his farm a few miles outside of town.
47:27Okay, well, in that case...
47:29Meeting's adjourned.
47:30Thank you for coming, everyone.
47:31See, I told you it'd be ahead.
47:32No, you marched into my restaurant and threatened to report me to the Department of Labor for
47:36exploiting unpaid interns as full-time employees if I said no.
47:40Like I said, I appreciate a good scam.
47:43Yeah.
47:50Lemonade, lemon pie, and lemon meringue, yeah?
47:53And a delightful limoncello.
47:57How'd you convince Joe to do that?
47:58I've simply pointed out it would mean so much to the community.
48:04Uh-huh.
48:06All right, Georgia.
48:07You win.
48:08Anyone who can make Cynthia that happy is a force to be reckoned with.
48:11So, can you start Thursday?
48:15Well, I thought you'd never ask.
48:25What are you doing here?
48:28So, this is your room, huh?
48:30Yes, and why are you in it?
48:31Do you like him?
48:32Hunter?
48:34Why do you care?
48:35Do you like him?
48:37Yeah, I do.
48:39Okay, then.
48:41That's that.
48:44That's what?
48:45I'm just Maxine's dumb friend, remember?
48:48And who climbs through a window?
48:49This isn't some rapey John Hughes...
48:52What the hell was that?
48:54Who kisses someone right after they use the word rapey?
48:56In a sense...
48:56It's all right, it's just I know you were on that date tonight, and Maxine won't shut up about how
48:59perfect you and Hunter are, and I can't stop thinking about you.
49:04The other day when you grabbed me at...
49:05I know that it's late, but are you still up love if you don't come on over?
49:16I know we don't do dates, just late-night escapes, but since you've been so cool, I've been thinking about
49:25you.
49:26It's been a few months since we started this, she said that we need to talk, are you into this,
49:32if not it comes tonight?
49:34I don't wanna let you go, I know that it's not the real quiet, but we can see where it
49:41goes.
49:42I don't wanna sleep alone too much, I don't wanna let you go.
49:58Do you think you can handle two fingers?
50:02Uh, yeah, sure, I think so.
50:10Does that feel good?
50:13Yeah, yeah, it does.
50:16It does.
50:34Um, here.
50:38Uh, so, um, that was my first...
50:46What?
50:49Sorry, uh, what were you gonna say?
50:51Her mom's here, uh, gonna get back from that school thing soon, so, you know.
50:55Oh.
50:56Okay, um, so, I'll see you around?
51:01Definitely.
51:03Hey, um, can we keep this on the DL?
51:06I don't want this getting back to Padma, and...
51:09I'm sure you don't want this getting back to Hunter, right?
51:11Uh, yeah, I was gonna say that.
51:13I would hate for such a dumb thing to ruin my chances with Hunter.
51:16Okay, then.
51:53I hate this.
51:55Keep working on it.
51:57You should ask Kenny for some pointers.
52:00Think the mung bean burgers are done.
52:02Mung bean?
52:03Gross.
52:04I miss pizza.
52:06I hate this phony Stepford family dinner crap.
52:11What the hell?
52:12You are not gonna bitch about family dinner.
52:14We are a family and we will have dinner.
52:16Kenny's not my family.
52:17Oh hell yes he is.
52:18My dad is...
52:19Your dad is where?
52:20Where is he?
52:21Alaska?
52:22Last month it was Nepal.
52:25Hey babe.
52:26When's dinner ready?
52:27I am starving.
52:29I'm gonna check on it right now.
52:39You need to work on your form.
52:42How was night one in your new room?
52:45Fine.
52:48You need to hurt your back less.
52:50Okay, I got it.
52:53I got it.
52:55Kenny, stop.
52:56Kenny, I got it.
52:59Dinner's ready.
53:05Honey?
53:18Passion or power?
53:25Power is cold.
53:27It's about control.
53:29It's a game.
53:30There are winners and losers.
53:35Oh, thanks babe.
53:36Of course.
53:40If someone has power, that means intrinsically that someone else does not.
53:48I always thought that when the time came for me to have sex, I'd want passion.
53:53Passion is hot.
53:55But now, I think you only want passion until you've been burned.
53:59Then power starts looking really good.
54:09Pardon me, right?
54:10There's something you should know.
54:11What?
54:12We're late for a class.
54:13We should probably go.
54:15You have something on your shirt.
54:16Got it.
54:18Oh.
54:18Thanks.
54:20Never let your guard down.
54:22I get it now.
54:27I guess in the end,
54:31you're still just getting screwed.
54:46The first time in my life,
54:53I think I'm finally starting to understand my mother.
54:57the first time in my life.
55:13I think I'm finally starting to understand my mother.
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