- 2 hours ago
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00:00:14Hey sexy, mind if I take a shower?
00:00:17It's gonna fog up my mirror.
00:00:19How about I wipe a little spot on the shower door and then you can sneak a peek?
00:00:23Wipe two spots.
00:00:25One for the fun zone and then do another one for your face.
00:00:28Yeah, deal.
00:00:46And it's a great property but I over leverage myself.
00:00:50I might have to sell it at a loss and it's hitting all my failure buttons.
00:00:54I'm sorry, are you okay?
00:00:55Yeah, I took my meds but they don't always kick in the way they used to.
00:01:00If it bothers you I can put my hand in my lap and I'll cover it with this blanket.
00:01:06But then I'd look like I'm pleasuring myself to your financial troubles.
00:01:13Sorry if it's a distraction.
00:01:26What are you in for?
00:01:29Parkinson's. You?
00:01:30Just haircut.
00:01:34I deserve more of a laugh than that.
00:01:36Sorry.
00:01:37I'm just going through it today.
00:01:39You look good.
00:01:39Your voice is firm.
00:01:41Makes you sound wise.
00:01:42Yeah, I am quite wise.
00:01:44How's your balance?
00:01:46Not bad.
00:01:47The stupid exercises help.
00:01:49Yeah, I fall three times a day.
00:01:51I'm thinking I'd take it up stunt work.
00:01:55Paul.
00:01:56Jerry.
00:01:57I had mild tremor.
00:01:59I would kill that fucking tremor like that.
00:02:01Yeah, well, I get real stiff.
00:02:04And my left side hurts all the time.
00:02:07I tell my girlfriend that sex helps but she's a doctor.
00:02:11So she knows I'm full of shit.
00:02:13That's a tough break.
00:02:15I feel stupid complaining to you.
00:02:19Oh, please.
00:02:20We're all the same shitty train to Saksville.
00:02:23How's the brain?
00:02:24Any hallucinations?
00:02:26No.
00:02:26Thank God.
00:02:27They're the worst.
00:02:29Bad enough your body goes but then you start seeing shit.
00:02:32It's scary.
00:02:32I didn't know that was the thing with Parkinson's.
00:02:34Although one time I saw a helly berry in the bathtub with me.
00:02:38Another time it was my mom.
00:02:40So, good and bad.
00:02:42Unless your mom's really hot.
00:02:43Well dad says she was a bobcat in the sack.
00:02:48Enough whining.
00:02:49I'm still here so fuck Parkinson's.
00:02:52Yeah.
00:02:54Okay.
00:02:55You're gonna say it to me to...
00:02:57Jerry, I'll grab you in a minute.
00:02:59Paul?
00:03:00You ready?
00:03:09Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:11Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:16What the fuck?
00:03:16I was here first.
00:03:18I gotta face it, Jimmy.
00:03:20The end of my life's gonna be hard.
00:03:22And I can either be a self-pitying shithead or I could suck the marrow out of what's left of
00:03:30this amazing life.
00:03:32No more living in why me land.
00:03:35I kinda like why me land.
00:03:37Spent a couple years there recently.
00:03:39It's nice.
00:03:41Well anyway, that's my new philosophy.
00:03:43Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:45Catchy.
00:03:46Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:48Fuck Parkinson's.
00:03:49Fuck it right in the face.
00:03:50Don't fuck my disease in the face, Jimmy.
00:03:53We'll see.
00:03:55But I need a favor.
00:03:58Keep me in check.
00:04:00If you see me sinking, pull me up.
00:04:07I know that's a lot to ask.
00:04:09Paul.
00:04:11I have leaned on you so much.
00:04:15I'm just grateful I get the chance to pay you back even a little.
00:04:21That said, I still don't understand why it means I have to ride next to you in a sports car
00:04:25while you drive like a lunatic.
00:04:30Are you coming or not?
00:04:31Just because I'm not allowed on the streets doesn't mean I can't do it.
00:04:35We are...
00:04:38We are...
00:04:40We are...
00:04:41We are...
00:04:42We are...
00:04:42Oh...
00:04:43Oh...
00:04:45You have a fight?
00:04:47Oh good.
00:04:48Oh, slow down.
00:04:50Oh, this is triggering.
00:04:51My wife died in a car, Paul.
00:04:53Come on.
00:04:54Relax.
00:04:58Help me carry this weight
00:05:00That's dragging me down
00:05:03Pull me out of a dream before I start to drown
00:05:07Let the wreckage all sink to where the fishes are frightening
00:05:12I want to hear myself think again
00:05:17I want to hear myself think again
00:05:28Baby, sorry I ran out of creamer because I didn't feel like getting it.
00:05:31Also, last night when you were sleeping, let's see, how do I say this one?
00:05:35Um, you started screaming like a little bitch
00:05:39What's the dealio?
00:05:41Come on, no, no, really, like what is it?
00:05:44Okay, um, when I was ten I threw a pine cone at a crow in my yard
00:05:50and needless to say he was pissed
00:05:53and he would dive bomb me every time I went to the bus stop
00:05:56Like every time, you know crows hold grudges
00:05:58I did not, but this is already the best story I've ever heard
00:06:01Yeah, so I have this recurring nightmare that he's going to find me and fuck me up
00:06:06What, so you think he's going to like rip out your eyes?
00:06:08He'll probably just take one eye
00:06:10That way you'll be able to see him smile while he eats it
00:06:12I'm so glad I shared this with you
00:06:14I know, I'm sorry baby, I love you
00:06:17I love you
00:06:19Hmm?
00:06:20What?
00:06:20What do you mean what?
00:06:21Did you not hear the way you said I love you just now?
00:06:23Yeah, I sound normal
00:06:24You sound like Morpheus, try it again
00:06:27I love you
00:06:28Oh, wow
00:06:30And just keep your calves, like
00:06:32Love ya
00:06:34Love ya
00:06:36You kids
00:06:39There's racist Pam
00:06:40I have to do something so she knows I hate her
00:06:42Trust me, everyone you hate
00:06:44Is already well aware you hate them
00:06:47Well you do something so she knows you hate her too
00:06:50Like what?
00:06:51I mean, how many dicks can I tell her to eat at this point?
00:06:53It's redundant
00:06:54We're getting closer, think of something
00:06:57Good morning
00:07:02That was the sexiest thing I've ever seen
00:07:04You want to go home and have a quick?
00:07:06Oh, sure
00:07:07Alright, come on, let's go
00:07:10Done
00:07:11Look at me, building shit
00:07:13So mask
00:07:14Is it turning you on?
00:07:15It would be if you were doing it correctly
00:07:17Come on, there's nothing more mask
00:07:19Than confidently doing something incorrectly
00:07:22Unless I was, like, standing by a grill
00:07:24And simultaneously overcooking and undercooking sausages
00:07:29Appreciate it, man
00:07:31Yo, Pops
00:07:32Yeah
00:07:32I put some extra peppers in that bag for Graham
00:07:36And I'll see y'all at Sunday dinner
00:07:37Where you off to?
00:07:39He's got a booty call
00:07:41That's, uh
00:07:41He knows what a booty call is
00:07:43Jeez, man, I'm in my 40s
00:07:45Oh, so is she
00:07:47Oh
00:07:50Older to buried
00:07:50Sweeter to juice
00:07:52Sometimes I miss when we weren't talking
00:07:54Ah, stop
00:07:55Alright
00:08:00Huge news
00:08:01You found my last pair of clean boxers
00:08:03What?
00:08:03No, no
00:08:04The Wesleyan soccer coach is coming to my next game to watch me play
00:08:08Wow
00:08:09Yeah
00:08:09That's exciting, too
00:08:11Hey
00:08:13Bingo, good news keeps coming
00:08:15Ew, you're going commando right now?
00:08:18No
00:08:19Ew again, I'm moving past it
00:08:21I'm going to play soccer in Connecticut
00:08:26It's weird
00:08:27Everyone around me seems to be so full of joy lately
00:08:29I still get knocked on my ass by the smallest things
00:08:32It's funny, my friend Paul, he got me thinking
00:08:34We all have agency
00:08:37And maybe happiness is not this impossible thing
00:08:40You just have to choose it
00:08:42Why are you saying this to me?
00:08:44My mistake
00:08:46You're like the happiest person I know
00:08:47Listen, you don't have to try and inspire me every time we talk
00:08:51Why can't we just sit and enjoy our coffees?
00:08:54Because the coffee from your shop is almost a hate crime
00:08:57Bear
00:08:57Why do you think the coyote is so sad?
00:09:00Maybe because you call it a coyote
00:09:01That's not Jewish
00:09:03That's just coyote
00:09:05Coyote
00:09:05Nope
00:09:06Okay
00:09:07I gotta ask
00:09:09Are you happy spending your days handing out the Wi-Fi password and heating up milk?
00:09:14Hey, I also have complete creative control over how the muffins are arranged
00:09:17Okay
00:09:18Didn't you used to be a graphic designer?
00:09:20Yeah
00:09:21You know the logo at the farmer's market?
00:09:24Yeah
00:09:24That was me
00:09:25Get the fuck out of here
00:09:27I see that every time I go to the farmer's market
00:09:30Yeah, that's how it works
00:09:34At some point you're gonna have to restart your life
00:09:37I know
00:09:40I'm just finally feeling okay where I am
00:09:45I think I don't want to risk messing with that
00:09:47Yeah, I get that
00:09:49Alice and I are doing really great right now
00:09:50She's gonna be heading off to college soon
00:09:54All I want is for her to live with me until I die peacefully
00:09:57And then she can go off and make whatever mistakes a young woman in her 70s might make
00:10:01Well, that sounds healthy
00:10:04How you dealing with it?
00:10:06Same thing I tell my patients
00:10:07Fake it till you make it
00:10:08I'm gonna be supportive
00:10:09Do everything I can to help her get into Wesleyan
00:10:12Pretend I'm not dying inside
00:10:19Goal!
00:10:24I'm just practicing
00:10:25Because I know you're gonna get one today
00:10:27Are you seriously putting that much pressure on me?
00:10:30On what? No
00:10:31You don't have to score at all
00:10:32No, if I don't, I'm doomed
00:10:35I hope whatever you want to happen
00:10:37Happens
00:10:38Without you feeling like it has to happen
00:10:40I still can't figure out how to wear my new haircut for the game
00:10:43Do I wear a headband?
00:10:44Or half up?
00:10:45Or
00:10:45Hey, hey, I love it
00:10:48You know, your mom used to wear her hair like that when we first met
00:10:51Wait, really?
00:10:52No, I don't know why I said that
00:10:54You made me really nervous with the whole goal versus no goal issue
00:10:57Um, I do have one small request
00:11:00Can we do face paint for the game today?
00:11:03She said no, Derek
00:11:05Come on!
00:11:07Chess is still good though, yeah?
00:11:09She said no paint anywhere
00:11:11What are we, Quakers?
00:11:13When did I join Club No Fun?
00:11:17Why did he have it on already?
00:11:19He says it gives it time to settle
00:11:21Hey, I'm leaving!
00:11:24Okay
00:11:24I'm coming!
00:11:26Okay, listen
00:11:26I've been visualizing this
00:11:28The Wesleyan coach loves you
00:11:31You get to go to your dream college in New England
00:11:34My turtleneck game is fire
00:11:36I'm there for all the big games
00:11:37Season opener
00:11:38Homecoming
00:11:39Neighbors weekend
00:11:41Parents weekend
00:11:42We'll see
00:11:43Are you good?
00:11:44I didn't really sleep
00:11:45I'm losing my shit a bit
00:11:46Hey, if you start to feel nervous out there
00:11:48I want you to look up into the stands
00:11:50And see all of us
00:11:51And borrow our positive energy
00:11:53And we're gonna project it at you
00:11:55We're gonna be like
00:12:00Dad, what is wrong with you?
00:12:02You look like you're vomiting on her
00:12:03I know, I heard it
00:12:04Hey, Alice
00:12:06We're really proud of you
00:12:07I haven't played yet
00:12:09Doesn't matter
00:12:17Morning
00:12:18Did I put that smile on your face?
00:12:20You did
00:12:25I think we should end this
00:12:27And by this
00:12:28You mean the talking before the sex, right?
00:12:31When I met you
00:12:32I'd just gotten divorced
00:12:33And I needed something sexy and fun
00:12:37And along comes a hot, younger man
00:12:40Who called me Dr. Sykes in bed
00:12:43Well, there's no way I'm learning your first name now
00:12:47I think it's time for me to stop hiding from the future
00:12:51Okay, that sucks
00:12:52Are you really gonna pretend this is super serious to you?
00:12:55Nah, but
00:12:58I am gonna miss it
00:13:00Well, I didn't say it had to end the second
00:13:02Oh
00:13:03So we're doing a ramp finale the other day
00:13:06Doing the gospel choir with some pop-pop fireworks
00:13:09Yeah, but I gotta be at work in 15
00:13:10I can do it, no frills, Tanner
00:13:12Come here, Dr. Sykes
00:13:14No shit
00:13:15She really broke up with you
00:13:17Yeah
00:13:19You seem surprised
00:13:20Only because she hasn't called me yet
00:13:23We talked about it more
00:13:25And she said that being with me
00:13:26Was keeping her from moving forward
00:13:29I understand it
00:13:30But it's still annoying
00:13:32Well, maybe it's annoying
00:13:33Because deep down you realize
00:13:35That you should be moving on, too
00:13:36I know you want more
00:13:39A real relationship
00:13:40Your own place
00:13:43A sailboat in Connecticut
00:13:46Okay, the last one's mine
00:13:48But point is
00:13:50If you're not growing
00:13:51You're not living
00:13:53No, I lived this morning
00:13:54Twice
00:13:55I'll make a note of that
00:13:59Patient keeps bragging
00:14:01Despite having been dumped
00:14:03I missed the notebook
00:14:05So do I, kid
00:14:06My handwriting got too shaky
00:14:08Have I taught you about the field?
00:14:12Is this more your crunchy-munchy spiritual crap?
00:14:16Life is a conversation with the universe
00:14:18And we're off
00:14:20The field is an intelligent energy force
00:14:23That knows who you are supposed to be
00:14:26And it's going to keep demonstrating to you
00:14:28What it is you need to work on most
00:14:31Over and over again
00:14:33Until you start to do it
00:14:35Damn
00:14:36That actually sounds like it would be very helpful
00:14:39If it were real
00:14:42Why are you smiling?
00:14:44Because I'm just thinking about
00:14:45How much I'm going to enjoy it
00:14:47When you find out that the field is real
00:14:49And when that happens
00:14:51You don't even have to tell me I was right
00:14:54Just
00:14:54I don't know
00:14:57Throw me some prayer hands
00:15:00Like I'm a god
00:15:03How about I hit you with a sexy wink
00:15:07You call that sexy?
00:15:09Okay, let me see your game
00:15:16Alright, I'd hit that
00:15:17You couldn't handle it
00:15:20It's a lot
00:15:21Redoing the upstairs guest bathroom
00:15:24And I appreciate that my husband's giving me carte blanche budget-wise
00:15:29But every time I try to tell him what I want to do creatively
00:15:34He doesn't want to hear it
00:15:36Brave women are off in silence, Kathy
00:15:38You
00:15:39Rosa Parks
00:15:40Pussy Riot
00:15:43Yeah, and I know I shouldn't have said that
00:15:45But her problem just felt so trivial
00:15:46I couldn't stay focused
00:15:48Man, I zone out sometimes, too
00:15:49I have this one patient
00:15:51Gregory
00:15:52Goes by Spider
00:15:53He's got the great nickname
00:15:54He's covered in tats
00:15:56He's always wearing some cool boots
00:15:57This guy
00:15:59Is so fucking boring
00:16:01Hey, am I early?
00:16:03Gregory
00:16:05Hey, man
00:16:07How goes it?
00:16:08We're gonna go do this
00:16:10Yeah, go
00:16:11Every time I doubt myself as a therapist
00:16:13He goes and does something so stupid
00:16:15That it makes me feel better about myself
00:16:18That's why I keep him around
00:16:19Yeah
00:16:20You know, everybody I've been treating these days
00:16:22Just seems to be caught up in such low-stakes shit
00:16:24I know suffering is suffering
00:16:26And I'm grateful to make a living doing what we do
00:16:28But
00:16:30I don't know that stuff with my sister
00:16:31My dad being bipolar
00:16:34Like, I got into this because I wanted to help people deal with real trauma
00:16:39Like, sometimes I just feel like I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing
00:16:42Does that make any sense?
00:16:45My first job was at Bellevue
00:16:48Suicidal ideation, personality disorders, schizophrenia
00:16:52All of it
00:16:53How was it?
00:16:54It was the worst job I ever had
00:16:56Really?
00:16:57And also the best
00:17:01You'd be great there
00:17:04Thanks, Paul
00:17:05As a doctor
00:17:07Or as a patient
00:17:10Whatever
00:17:10Okay, I've been thinking about the color scheme in your nursery
00:17:13For the curtains, I have two swatches for you to choose from
00:17:17Tell them the truth
00:17:17I have one swatch
00:17:19Okay
00:17:20And I'm really excited to hear your thoughts
00:17:22Truth?
00:17:23I don't care what you think
00:17:24And I also chose the wallpaper
00:17:26Oh, you know, actually
00:17:27Ava's coming to see us tomorrow
00:17:29She might have some fun thoughts, decor-wise
00:17:31You know, Derek's brother used to eat candles
00:17:34What?
00:17:35Oh, I thought we were talking about stupid shit that doesn't matter
00:17:37Okay, just show me the baby's wallpaper
00:17:40Well, not yet
00:17:40The most important person isn't here
00:17:42Rude!
00:17:42I told you Charlie couldn't make it
00:17:44Well, who gives a shit about Charlie?
00:17:46Sup, slut?
00:17:46Say no!
00:17:48Now we can begin
00:17:52So, what do you think?
00:17:54It's so peaceful
00:17:55Don't interrupt Gabby
00:17:56I can't interrupt her while she's thinking?
00:17:58Brian, please, damn!
00:17:59Alright, I'm sorry
00:18:01Oh, Liz, I love it
00:18:03It's so peaceful
00:18:04Plus, if you're ever feeling lazy
00:18:06And you don't want to take the baby for a walk
00:18:07You can just be like
00:18:08Look up at the sky, baby
00:18:09We're already outside
00:18:11Babies are dumb
00:18:12Can you believe she thinks she gets to make all these decisions about my baby?
00:18:15Yeah, you knew what you was getting into when you hired Nanny McLiz
00:18:18I made it perfectly clear you would be dealing with a major control freak
00:18:23I'm the worst
00:18:23Oh
00:18:25Hey
00:18:26Um, I'm just, I'm gonna take this out back
00:18:31Hey, you
00:18:32What was that about?
00:18:34I don't know
00:18:34The past few days he's been taking secret calls
00:18:37It's so weird
00:18:39Usually he answers the phone on speakerphone
00:18:40It makes everyone say hi to whoever it is on the line
00:18:43It makes me crazy
00:18:45Obviously he's revenge cheating on you
00:18:46What?
00:18:47Yeah, it's the one year rule
00:18:48He gets that much time to do the same thing you did with no consequences
00:18:53Liz
00:18:54Oh
00:18:55Damn, dude, you broke her
00:18:57Liz, I was joking
00:18:58It was just a joke
00:18:58That was a joke
00:18:59Come back, girl
00:18:59Come back
00:19:00Hey, come on
00:19:01We got a soccer game to get to
00:19:02Let's go
00:19:03Let's go
00:19:04Let's go
00:19:05Let's go
00:19:06Let's go
00:19:07Let's go
00:19:08Let's go
00:19:08Let's go
00:19:09Let's go
00:19:09What's up with her?
00:19:10Oh, she's just kind of freaked out
00:19:11Because she thinks Derek might be cheating on her
00:19:13The one year rule
00:19:16It happens
00:19:17Dude, it's real?
00:19:19Yeah
00:19:20Come on
00:19:21Who's pumped?
00:19:22Me
00:19:22I pumped
00:19:23You pumped
00:19:24I pumped
00:19:26We pumped
00:19:27Wait for me
00:19:27Wait for me
00:19:28Are we early?
00:19:32Does everybody just hate soccer?
00:19:34Which is what I do
00:19:35Hey, I have a fun way to pass the time
00:19:38I had Brian look at your new will
00:19:41And he said it's more complicated to become each other's beneficiaries than we think
00:19:46Gotta get that power of attorney straightened out, too
00:19:50When it comes time to pull the plug on me, I'm pretty sure Meg's gonna chicken out, so
00:19:57You're my girl
00:19:58I can't wait
00:20:00Can't wait for what?
00:20:01When I have to put Paul down
00:20:02Ooh, cool, let's get lunch after
00:20:05Holy mackinoli
00:20:06Look at all these beautiful faces
00:20:08Thanks for coming, everyone
00:20:10I just want to say
00:20:11Not every moment is a speech moment
00:20:13This one is?
00:20:13It still feels like a good lesson for you
00:20:16Look, it means the world
00:20:17You're all showing up like this
00:20:19I'm not sure Alice would be such a strong young woman if it weren't for all of you
00:20:23She wouldn't be
00:20:24We did most of it
00:20:25You did nothing
00:20:26What the fuck?
00:20:27Trying to say thank you
00:20:28Great speech, Jimbo
00:20:30Hey, man
00:20:31Heard Alice got her hair cut, so you might have to show me which one she is
00:20:34No problem
00:20:35I love you
00:20:37You told me more?
00:20:39Only Sean, babe
00:20:41I love you too, ma'am
00:20:43And everybody else
00:20:45Sorry, babe
00:20:47Hey, come on, Alice
00:20:48Let's go
00:20:49Come on, Alice
00:20:50You're not cheering?
00:20:51She's just stretching
00:20:52Stretching like a beast
00:20:55Hey
00:20:55Don't say beast
00:20:56Yeah, don't call women beast, dude
00:20:57A beast is a good thing in sports
00:21:00Oh, I don't know
00:21:01Our bad
00:21:03I can make it complicated
00:21:05Woo!
00:21:06Go, Alice!
00:21:08Wait
00:21:09Why aren't you out there?
00:21:11The coach suggested I might be better as a fan
00:21:13Shut up
00:21:14Every coach I ever had said that to me
00:21:17Okay
00:21:18Let's go, Alice
00:21:19Woo!
00:21:20Woo!
00:21:20But you can't hate me when you're pretty close
00:21:24I'm sorry
00:21:25Okay
00:21:25Okay
00:21:26All right
00:21:27Go, go, go, go, go
00:21:31Yes, great pass
00:21:34Okay
00:21:35Hey
00:21:35That was a great idea, Alice
00:21:37She likes it when I stay positive
00:21:39Well, I'm not you
00:21:40Hey, ponytail
00:21:41When Alice gives you a good pass
00:21:43Finish it
00:21:44Yeah, you
00:21:45Jesus
00:21:46Oh, Paul
00:21:47Let's turn it down
00:21:48Let's go, Alice
00:21:50Come on, girl
00:21:51Come on, girl
00:21:51Come on, Alice
00:21:54Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
00:21:58God, that's a foul
00:21:59Play on
00:22:00Come on
00:22:01What game are you watching?
00:22:03Pull the heck out of your ass
00:22:04Oh, my gosh
00:22:05We are so cute
00:22:07Go, go, go
00:22:13It's all right
00:22:13Hey, you're a doctor, right?
00:22:15I'm having so much trouble focusing
00:22:18I'm not giving you that at all
00:22:25Hey, don't touch my little girl
00:22:31Nice and calm, sweetie
00:22:39Wait, wait
00:22:39Hey, everybody
00:22:41I need you to do what I do, okay?
00:22:49Okay, like that
00:22:50Wait, wait, wait
00:22:55You're doing it
00:22:55Or the damage
00:22:57I'm slipping
00:23:00I'm slipping
00:23:01I'm slipping
00:23:01The only thing that I'm doing
00:23:02Is never doing enough
00:23:04Maybe someday I'll stop fucking this up
00:23:10Goal!
00:23:13Goal!
00:23:16Goal!
00:23:17Amazing game.
00:23:18Yeah, you played awesome.
00:23:19Alice.
00:23:20Alice!
00:23:21Alice!
00:23:22Alice!
00:23:23Alice!
00:23:24Alice!
00:23:26Okay, it's getting weird now.
00:23:27Hey Alice?
00:23:28You have a second?
00:23:29Sure.
00:23:29Is that the Wesleyan code?
00:23:31Don't look!
00:23:32I don't give a shit.
00:23:33I'm staring her down.
00:23:39Paul, Paul, I feel like that's the exact wrong approach for this moment.
00:23:45So if you two are definitely switching your power of attorney, I'd also recommend updating
00:23:49your 401ks and getting Julie on the deed to your condo, which is a tricky process.
00:23:53You need a notary and a witness and the whisker of a snow leopard.
00:23:57What do I have to sign to get you to stop talking?
00:23:59Hey, you asked me, Grumpus.
00:24:02Ignore him.
00:24:03It's all just, I don't know, it just feels so complicated.
00:24:06What if you two just got married?
00:24:08Wouldn't that take care of most of this?
00:24:11You know, he's not wrong.
00:24:14I mean, what little girl hasn't dreamed of getting married so that she has fewer forms to fill out?
00:24:20Yeah, I would do it.
00:24:21Yeah.
00:24:27Did you just propose to my girlfriend for me?
00:24:37Paul, no, no, no, no, no.
00:24:39It's too delicious.
00:24:40Don't rush it.
00:24:46My bad.
00:24:59It'll be fine.
00:25:01I don't think it will.
00:25:04Hey, babe.
00:25:05Hey.
00:25:06Uh, I have a confession to make.
00:25:10The call I took yesterday.
00:25:11Wait, I knew it.
00:25:12Is it that lady from your cornhole league?
00:25:15Hmm.
00:25:16Are you screwing the corn whore?
00:25:18No, Sharon is asexual.
00:25:19To know that, you must be talking to her way too much.
00:25:22Look, all the calls were Matthew.
00:25:26He got fired again.
00:25:28And he wanted my help breaking the news to you.
00:25:30Well, why wouldn't he just tell me?
00:25:32Maybe he feels like sometimes you can be a little hard on him.
00:25:37Hmm.
00:25:38Like when he was five and he scratched your car so you broke the bell on his tricycle.
00:25:43Eye for an eye.
00:25:44Exactly.
00:25:45I think he thinks it would just go smoother if I softened you up first.
00:25:49Your butt looks slamming in those pants, by the way.
00:25:54Go on.
00:25:57He needs to move back home.
00:26:00Again?
00:26:00Yes.
00:26:01When is this kid going to get his act together?
00:26:03I know, honey.
00:26:04He's struggling.
00:26:05What else are we going to do?
00:26:08When does he want to move back?
00:26:11About six hours ago.
00:26:13Hey, Mom.
00:26:15Your butt looks slamming in those...
00:26:17Okay, the butt talk's not for you.
00:26:18All right.
00:26:19Come here.
00:26:20Give me a hug.
00:26:22You, however, may continue.
00:26:23Look at those two scoops.
00:26:28Good morning.
00:26:29Oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
00:26:31Time to face the music.
00:26:32I want to see this.
00:26:34Look, Paul, I'm sorry I proposed to your girlfriend.
00:26:37And I'm prepared to accept whatever punishment you deem fit.
00:26:40Office chores, silent treatment, even a light spanking, if that's still how your generation
00:26:45handles things.
00:26:46You're not in trouble.
00:26:48Boo, do the light spanking.
00:26:50Turns out getting married solves most of our issues.
00:26:53We're just going to go down to the justice of the peace this weekend.
00:26:57When they ask if we take each other to be man and wife, Julie's just going to say,
00:27:03I guess so.
00:27:04And I'm going to say, why not?
00:27:07Easy peasy.
00:27:08Yeah, I'm sorry, Paul.
00:27:09It's going to be a huge no for me on the non-wedding wedding thing.
00:27:12Okay, I'm not in trouble, and this feels dangerous, so I'm just going to grab some breakfast and exit on
00:27:19a win.
00:27:20Oh, uh, come on.
00:27:22You know I love you and Julie.
00:27:24Let me just throw a little something together.
00:27:29Fuck no.
00:27:30Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul.
00:27:31Weddings aren't for the people that are getting married.
00:27:33It's for their parents, for their grandparents, etc.
00:27:35And in your case, they're all super dead, so this wedding kind of like, really, when you think about it,
00:27:40it's just for me.
00:27:41Julie doesn't want anything either.
00:27:44Marty Dilinger.
00:27:45Don't do this.
00:27:45I'm doing it.
00:27:46She wants to talk to me all the time.
00:27:49Hey, Gabby.
00:27:51To what do I owe the pleasure?
00:27:53Oh, pleasure.
00:27:54Now I'm so flustered I forgot why I was calling.
00:27:57Okay, keep it in your pants.
00:27:59You know what you do to me, girl.
00:28:01I'm here.
00:28:02So, so, so what would you say if I put together a teeny, tiny, non-wedding wedding?
00:28:08Uh, no priests.
00:28:09They're super creepy.
00:28:10Self-serve wine bar.
00:28:11The dress code will be black tie forbidden.
00:28:13And you still get to go with me to pick out a pretty dress that shows off those gorgeous, sculpted
00:28:17angel wings you call arms.
00:28:19Okay, uh, give the phone to Paul, please.
00:28:25You really do have sculpted angel arms.
00:28:29Now how do we stop this?
00:28:30I think we just have to put her down.
00:28:34Come on, Paul.
00:28:35You know I've been feeling a little lost lately.
00:28:38I need this.
00:28:39I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to marry a different girl.
00:28:44Once again, fuck no.
00:28:48Okay, fine.
00:28:49Yes.
00:28:50God, yes.
00:28:51Dammit.
00:28:52You're not going to regret it, sexy.
00:28:53Yeah, yeah.
00:28:53Okay, bye.
00:28:54Bye-bye.
00:28:55I do not agree to this.
00:29:01Coach will be here soon.
00:29:03But that is fine.
00:29:04You know why?
00:29:05You know why?
00:29:06Because we are ready.
00:29:07All right?
00:29:08The house is clean.
00:29:09I scattered some soccer balls around for ambiance.
00:29:11Then I tripped on one.
00:29:12Hence, the limp.
00:29:14Then I removed them all because that was ridiculous.
00:29:15What about snacks?
00:29:16We good to go?
00:29:17Well, if hors d'oeuvres could get into Wesleyan, this cheese board would get a full ride.
00:29:21I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I'm already picturing myself in Connecticut.
00:29:25Like, who is East Coast Alice?
00:29:28How do I even dress?
00:29:30I asked Liz and all she said was she looks amazing in turtlenecks.
00:29:33I'm nervous.
00:29:35What if I pull a dad?
00:29:36What, act weird and word vomit all over her?
00:29:39Exactly.
00:29:40Right.
00:29:40If it starts to go south, just play the dead mom card.
00:29:45You know the thing where you mention your mom died and people give you whatever you want?
00:29:48I don't do that anymore.
00:29:50Excuse me?
00:29:52Two weeks ago you got out of building sets and drama class by saying the smell of wood reminded
00:29:56you of caskets.
00:29:58I'll admit, this is a recent change.
00:30:00Someone pointed out I'm perhaps using it as a crutch, so I'm done.
00:30:05Wow.
00:30:06I'm proud of you because am I being casually robbed right now?
00:30:11Matthew got fired again, so he's home.
00:30:13But he's not at home.
00:30:15My mom said it was okay.
00:30:16Oh.
00:30:21Oh, Liz!
00:30:22Sean, Matthew.
00:30:23Matthew, Sean.
00:30:25Really like cheese, huh?
00:30:26Yeah.
00:30:28Absolutely not.
00:30:29Come on.
00:30:30There's no food left here.
00:30:32He keeps eating and eating.
00:30:34He's like a Pac-Man.
00:30:35It's not my problem.
00:30:37When Tia died, I fed your kid for a year.
00:30:46Wow.
00:30:47Liz played our dead mom card?
00:30:49And she played it well.
00:30:51Oh.
00:30:52Yeah.
00:30:53Your wife died.
00:30:54That sucks.
00:30:56Yeah.
00:30:57Time for you to go.
00:30:58Nope.
00:31:03Holy crap.
00:31:04That's her.
00:31:04That's right.
00:31:05Can't breathe.
00:31:06I can't breathe.
00:31:06Pitt's immediately sweating.
00:31:07I do.
00:31:08I'll get the door, Jimmy.
00:31:10Say your goodbyes.
00:31:11What?
00:31:11I have to go?
00:31:12It's a shame.
00:31:13I memorized all these amazing soccer facts.
00:31:15Did you know Pele was the first spokesperson for Viagra?
00:31:18Did you know that that's gross?
00:31:20Okay.
00:31:20If you want to give any last-second advice, this is your chance.
00:31:24Ready?
00:31:25Okay.
00:31:25When you shake her hand, make sure it's firm, but not too firm.
00:31:29No matter what she chooses from that motherfucking cheese plate, you say, nice choice.
00:31:35Most of all, just be yourself.
00:31:39You're the best.
00:31:43Oh, hello.
00:31:44Hi.
00:31:45James Laird.
00:31:47Passionate girl dad.
00:31:48Firm, but not too firm.
00:31:50Nice choice.
00:31:51Maggie Bohan.
00:31:52You have a very impressive daughter.
00:31:54Thanks.
00:31:57Also, I'm not her biological father.
00:31:59Her mother had an affair with David Beckham.
00:32:01And we're going.
00:32:02I know, Sean.
00:32:02I was there when it happened.
00:32:04Well, it's so true what they say.
00:32:06You are literally glowing.
00:32:08Thanks.
00:32:09I'm so gassy.
00:32:10It makes me sweaty.
00:32:11However you got there, it's working for you.
00:32:13So, what do you think of the nursery?
00:32:16You're fine.
00:32:17Take my hand.
00:32:19I mean, the light is so lovely in here.
00:32:22And the crib is perfect.
00:32:24The only thing I'm not sure about is that wallpaper.
00:32:29When I was a kid, I always wanted Winnie the Pooh on my wall.
00:32:32But my mom only allowed Bible characters.
00:32:35Like beautiful angels?
00:32:36Like Cain killing Abel.
00:32:38That's horrifying.
00:32:39I was a pretty lonely kid.
00:32:41The first book I ever read was Winnie the Pooh.
00:32:43And he had all those friends.
00:32:44And I'm so sorry.
00:32:47I hope I'm not overstepping.
00:32:49Not at all.
00:32:49No, no.
00:32:50Totally fine.
00:32:54Oh, it's totally fine.
00:32:56I think Winnie the Pooh's a great idea.
00:32:58Winnie the Pooh could suck my dick.
00:32:59Please, no.
00:33:00Winnie don't do that.
00:33:01Well, you just have to dip it in honey first.
00:33:05Winnie loves honey.
00:33:06All right, just admit it.
00:33:08You're being petty because Ava didn't like your ideas.
00:33:09And now you're going to hold a grudge forever.
00:33:11Just like a crow.
00:33:12I'm not sure I love that.
00:33:15Okay.
00:33:16Yes, I'm petty.
00:33:17And yes, I've been known to hold grudges.
00:33:19And yes, forever.
00:33:20True that.
00:33:21But this is about boundaries, Brian.
00:33:22You're about to adopt a baby.
00:33:25Have you even discussed with Ava how much you want her to be involved?
00:33:28Are you seriously asking if we've sorted something that important this close to the delivery date?
00:33:33Of course we have it.
00:33:34Liz?
00:33:35Oh, everyone's here.
00:33:36Guys, go sit down.
00:33:37Brian, your thing's over.
00:33:38Great.
00:33:39Hey.
00:33:40Hey.
00:33:40Paul, Julie, thank you for coming.
00:33:43Why are we here?
00:33:44So I can tell you about a little movie made in 2001 in which Miss Jennifer Lopez inspired a generation
00:33:51by showing us that if you're hot and you have a heart of gold, you can plan the best wedding
00:33:56ever, even if you're short on time and you want to bang the fiance.
00:33:59Shout out to Julie.
00:34:01Anyway, for the next few days, I am your motherfucking wedding planner.
00:34:06Yes.
00:34:07You're G-Lo.
00:34:08That's right.
00:34:08I don't get it.
00:34:09I love that movie, but why do we need a wedding planner?
00:34:13You love that movie?
00:34:15Hey, focus, please, because we are moving fast on this wedding, okay?
00:34:18It will take place in front of this house because the lovely, gorgeous Liz has kindly agreed to host.
00:34:23Anything for my therapist.
00:34:25I talked to you once on a bench.
00:34:27I didn't want credit for any of this.
00:34:30Confidentiality.
00:34:31My bad.
00:34:32Oh, also, Paul, Julie, I know we spoke about keeping things small, but that shit is over, okay?
00:34:37Things grow.
00:34:38They get more funner.
00:34:39Um, there will be food.
00:34:40Food.
00:34:41A dance floor.
00:34:42Dance floor.
00:34:42String lights out of this.
00:34:43Ass.
00:34:44Thought you'd like that, Bri.
00:34:45This isn't happening.
00:34:46Oh, it's happening, Paul, and it's your fault for letting me in, sucker.
00:34:50Anyway, moving on to the expanded guest list.
00:34:52I spoke to Meg yesterday, and she and Dave are flying in.
00:34:56I know.
00:34:57She did say she was not super psyched to hear about her father's engagement from me, so I would give
00:35:01her a call.
00:35:01Also, because we are short on time, and because he would literally cry if it wasn't him, Jimmy is going
00:35:08to be the officiant.
00:35:10Yeah!
00:35:13In your fucking face!
00:35:15In your face!
00:35:17In your face!
00:35:18I've dreamt of this!
00:35:19Okay, this is great.
00:35:21Sorry.
00:35:22I'm cool.
00:35:24I have the best opening joke.
00:35:27I want to tell you guys, but I'm going to save it for the wedding.
00:35:30Jesus.
00:35:31Calm your ass down, Paul.
00:35:32All you have to do is show up.
00:35:33Like, I don't know how I can make it easier for you.
00:35:36Okay.
00:35:37Also, Jimmy, when Gorgeous and I decide a color scheme, I need you to take Paul to buy a tie
00:35:42and a pocket square that matches.
00:35:44Oh, that's two show-ups.
00:35:45Actually, Paul, it's three show-ups.
00:35:47You need to show up to the store, you need to show up to your own goddamn wedding, and show
00:35:50up with a better fucking attitude.
00:35:52Come with me, queen.
00:35:53I want to talk to you about some stuff.
00:35:54I actually feel more comfortable with you when there's a witness.
00:35:57Oh, so you want somebody to watch.
00:35:58I love that.
00:36:00Great game the other day.
00:36:01The crowd was so rowdy, especially that older gentleman.
00:36:05Yeah, that was my cranky therapist grandpa.
00:36:11And that tall lady wearing all the colors, she's my hero godmother.
00:36:14And then there was Brian, who's my gunkle godfather.
00:36:18And Sean.
00:36:19More people.
00:36:20And the woman who made our goalie cry, that's my neighbor mother.
00:36:23Yeah.
00:36:24Well, that's great.
00:36:25I mean, we're...
00:36:25And heads up, I can't be responsible for what any of those people do if you don't let me onto
00:36:30the team.
00:36:31You're lucky to have such a big and frighteningly loyal support group.
00:36:37Yeah.
00:36:38I really am.
00:36:41Okay, so look, we have the reputation of being a defensive team.
00:36:45That's why we're looking to add more attackers like yourself.
00:36:53Nice meeting you, coach.
00:36:55You too, Alice.
00:36:56Sorry it didn't work out.
00:36:59Hey, you're making a big mistake.
00:37:02She's great.
00:37:03You don't have to sell me.
00:37:04She turned me down.
00:37:09Sean, let's go inside.
00:37:12Oh, thanks for meeting us here.
00:37:14We're all helping to get ready for our friends' impromptu wedding.
00:37:17That's so kind.
00:37:19Wow, even Brian?
00:37:21Yes, Stuart, you shady little bitch.
00:37:23I know how to be kind.
00:37:23I'm just not a whore about it.
00:37:25Hi, Stuart.
00:37:25I'm Gabby.
00:37:26Hi.
00:37:27I think we...
00:37:27No time for chit-chat.
00:37:28I heard you're great at wrapping silverware with a napkin and putting a ribbon on it.
00:37:31Go.
00:37:33This might be the first time I've been attracted to a woman.
00:37:38Thank God you're here.
00:37:39Oh.
00:37:40No, Liz, this meeting isn't for you.
00:37:42Sister, lights are for you.
00:37:43Okay?
00:37:44Actually, it might be better for everybody if you just went inside and set up the bar.
00:37:47I want to stay outside and do the lights.
00:37:50No, you want to stay outside and get in their business.
00:37:52I can do both.
00:37:53You cannot.
00:37:53You're coming with me.
00:37:54Come on.
00:37:54Listen, you've got to figure this Ava stuff out right now.
00:37:58Your intrusive friend is not wrong.
00:38:00Well, I wish you'd told us that.
00:38:02I believe you have a text from me two weeks ago that says you should figure out this Ava stuff.
00:38:07Maybe follow up.
00:38:08Try going the extra mile.
00:38:09How about that?
00:38:10I am currently rolling silverware for strangers.
00:38:13But not for us, Stuart.
00:38:15Look, it's up to you to define the parameters.
00:38:18For example, you could create a structure where there's regular visitation annually.
00:38:23Like she's Santa?
00:38:25We can't compete with that.
00:38:26Okay.
00:38:26Or monthly, like a car payment, less of a threat to your fragile ego.
00:38:32Either way, the benefit is having another loving adult in your child's life.
00:38:36Well, that could be nice.
00:38:37Yeah, if you think shit shows are nice.
00:38:40I'm back.
00:38:41She took her eye off me.
00:38:43Listen, when I had Matthew, my maternal instinct kicked in so hard that when the nurse came in
00:38:49to give the baby a bath, I went feral on her, bit her, tasted blood.
00:38:54God.
00:38:55The point is, it's going to be very hard for Ava to let go of this baby.
00:39:00And if you guys open the door even a crack, she's going to be in your lives forever.
00:39:08There's no right or wrong way to do it.
00:39:10Stuart, are you a parent?
00:39:13No.
00:39:13Then you have too many opinions.
00:39:15Heard you're the nanny.
00:39:17This baby is so blessed.
00:39:19I think I've been avoiding this because I'm afraid if I say what I really want, it's going
00:39:23to sound selfish.
00:39:24And that's just like, so not me.
00:39:25I know.
00:39:26But honestly, I'm happy to send her a picture and an update once a year.
00:39:32But I don't want Ava involved.
00:39:36This is our family.
00:39:38Babe, you sound passionate about this.
00:39:40I am.
00:39:43We want it to be just the two of us.
00:39:45The three of us.
00:39:47We have to go tell her.
00:39:48Let me know how it goes.
00:39:50Okay.
00:39:53You happy with this?
00:39:55No.
00:40:00Can I help you?
00:40:02You got a gun?
00:40:03Okay.
00:40:04Easy does it, Paul.
00:40:05Hi.
00:40:06We are looking for a tie and a pocket square in this color, please.
00:40:08Oh, I love a pocket square.
00:40:11It's like your suit is winking at people.
00:40:14What are you guys doing here?
00:40:16We have great style.
00:40:18Jimmy dresses like Mr. Rogers.
00:40:20Sorry, that's a direct quote from Gabby.
00:40:22Mr. Rogers.
00:40:23Mm-hmm.
00:40:24I'm blushing.
00:40:25Fred Rogers could get it.
00:40:26Incidentally, my great aunt had a lost weekend with Mr. Rogers.
00:40:30Oh.
00:40:31Said it was a very good day in the neighborhood.
00:40:33Oh.
00:40:34So the neighborhood was her vagina?
00:40:37Yes, Paul.
00:40:38That could have been her butt.
00:40:39Holy shit.
00:40:39That's more of a dark alley.
00:40:41Maybe you guys could just check out the rest of the store.
00:40:44Yeah.
00:40:44Yeah, we'll just go over.
00:40:45I'm going to stare right here.
00:40:47Damn it.
00:40:49I got you.
00:40:54Fuck Parkinson's.
00:40:57Fuck Parkinson's.
00:41:00Hey, so when I marry you, is there anything you want me to say in particular?
00:41:04Because I could go on for hours, but I know you'd hate that, so I thought I'd keep it under
00:41:07like 10, 20 minutes.
00:41:08You got one sentence.
00:41:10And try not to make it too sappy.
00:41:12Well, then maybe try not to have such a beautiful love story.
00:41:17Oh, Jimmy.
00:41:18When you get married, I am so going to torture you.
00:41:25I'm never getting married again.
00:41:30Never is a long time, kid.
00:41:33I already found my soulmate.
00:41:36We have a beautiful daughter.
00:41:37What more could I ask for?
00:41:40Look, with Alice going away to college, I've done a lot of thinking about being alone.
00:41:43I've got great friends.
00:41:44I've got a job that I love.
00:41:46It's a good life.
00:41:50Besides, there's a certain person I know who spent most of their life alone, and they seem
00:41:53to really enjoy it.
00:41:54Who?
00:41:56You, fucker.
00:41:57Oh.
00:41:59Yeah.
00:42:02Hey, not that anyone's asking.
00:42:05They don't have belts, which is a huge blind spot.
00:42:08Oh, yeah.
00:42:09And they're just leaving money on the table, right?
00:42:11Also, the salesman said they don't have the pocket squares in the color that we want.
00:42:15Oh, well.
00:42:16But they do have them at their other boutique.
00:42:20I never go to a second boutique.
00:42:27I can't believe she turned me down.
00:42:28Well, she's going to regret it.
00:42:30I can text my cousin, Seamus.
00:42:32He will fuck her up.
00:42:33I found him through 23andMe, and he's, like, a full-blown psycho.
00:42:38Maybe take a beat on that.
00:42:40I mean, it sucks, but I can always go to college near here.
00:42:43What are you doing?
00:42:44I talked to the coach.
00:42:45You turned her down.
00:42:47You lied to me?
00:42:48No, I wasn't lying to you.
00:42:49I was practicing before I lied to my dad.
00:42:52Oh.
00:42:53Then you are 100% forgiven.
00:42:55Proud of you?
00:42:55Proud of your lies?
00:42:57I don't get it.
00:42:58You wanted this.
00:43:00When I talked to her, it reminded me how much you guys show up for me.
00:43:03You always do.
00:43:04Maybe I'm not ready to leave this.
00:43:07Feeling safe.
00:43:08I mean, you get it.
00:43:09You still live in the backyard.
00:43:11I don't live in the yard.
00:43:13There's a tiny house.
00:43:14Can you please just not narc to dad?
00:43:16Alice, I don't know.
00:43:17Sean, come on.
00:43:18My mom died.
00:43:21Sorry.
00:43:21Not doing that anymore.
00:43:25Please?
00:43:27All right, fine.
00:43:28I won't say anything.
00:43:29I hope you mean that, because there is nothing Seamus hates more than a snitch.
00:43:34Except for the royal family.
00:43:36He is supes political.
00:43:38Sorry your bachelorette party was just you trying on a dress and then making a list of all the
00:43:42guys you bopped.
00:43:43Impressive body count, by the way.
00:43:45The 70s were fun.
00:43:46You know, I didn't even get to tell the story about how I went to a bachelorette party and
00:43:50the stripper was my friend's son.
00:43:52It should have been really weird, but honestly, I was really into it.
00:43:57He gave me eye contact the whole time.
00:43:59Feels like you did get to tell that story.
00:44:01I still think about that young man.
00:44:03I use it, if you know what I mean.
00:44:06I'm okay with my party being over.
00:44:08Jimmy went home, and your significant others, whose names I can't remember, went to the belt
00:44:14store.
00:44:14You know their names.
00:44:16I truly do not.
00:44:18Say their names.
00:44:20Okay, well, where's your tie and pocket square?
00:44:23Oh, come on, dude.
00:44:25Who cares about this?
00:44:27Where it lives this house?
00:44:29Not the Copacabana.
00:44:30This is so unnecessary.
00:44:33Paul!
00:44:34No, no, no.
00:44:36He's right.
00:44:36I mean, we can hit the courthouse and then just, I don't know, I'll have pizza over here
00:44:41or something, it'd be a lot less hassle.
00:44:43Exactly.
00:44:47I'll meet you in the car.
00:44:53She said exactly what I wanted her to say, but I felt that there was something not good
00:44:58underneath it.
00:44:59What the heck's the matter with you?
00:45:00You're mad because you had to buy a tie and a hanky?
00:45:02You weren't there.
00:45:04Jimmy sexualized Mr. Rogers, and the Derricks would not stop talking.
00:45:08I knew you knew their names.
00:45:10Mm-hmm.
00:45:10Look, I know I'm knee-deep in your nuptials, and as much as I love doing the electric slide
00:45:15with white people, do you really think that this is all about me?
00:45:18Are you that dumb?
00:45:19Are you?
00:45:20Do you think I'd be doing all this if I couldn't tell Julie wanted it?
00:45:23Do you?
00:45:23Girl, sometimes it's all right to let me talk less.
00:45:25I'm sorry, I got excited.
00:45:27This is bullshit.
00:45:29Julie doesn't care.
00:45:36Your car is gone.
00:45:37No way.
00:45:40All right, you can say it.
00:45:42No fucking way.
00:45:45She said I wasn't a good fit for the team.
00:45:49She comes into our house and rejects me.
00:45:52Whatever.
00:45:53You know what?
00:45:54I'm over it.
00:45:55I'm over it.
00:45:56Hey.
00:45:58Screw Wesleyan.
00:46:00Come here.
00:46:03She's lying.
00:46:05Alice is the one who said no to the coach.
00:46:07Sean, you promised you wouldn't tell him!
00:46:09That's because I didn't think he'd be dumb enough to actually believe you.
00:46:12What college coach flies across the country just to reject someone?
00:46:16A kind, respectful one?
00:46:18I don't know.
00:46:19What's going on?
00:46:20I don't want to talk about it.
00:46:22She thought about how much she'd miss all of us and it freaked her out.
00:46:24Could you please go back to your pool house?
00:46:27Hey, hold on.
00:46:27Sean can stay.
00:46:28He's part of this family.
00:46:30Sweet.
00:46:32Hey.
00:46:35I just don't think I'm ready to go yet.
00:46:39I know I'm not ready to leave you.
00:46:42Well, I understand that.
00:46:46It's okay not to be ready.
00:46:47You know, if you need more time, you just live here at home and go to school around here.
00:46:53Thanks, Dad.
00:46:54Eh!
00:46:54That's some bullshit, Jimmy.
00:46:56That bullshit is worse than her bullshit.
00:46:57You know she could do this.
00:46:59You just don't want her to leave.
00:47:00Damn it.
00:47:01I just made you family.
00:47:03As of now, you are out of the family.
00:47:05Return to the pool house.
00:47:06I cannot believe Paul was right and his field thing is real.
00:47:10Now I got to wink at him all sensually.
00:47:13What are you talking about?
00:47:14You're both afraid to move forward.
00:47:17But you know you should.
00:47:20Fuck.
00:47:21All of us need to do that.
00:47:23Should we gang up on him?
00:47:24I think we should gang up on him.
00:47:26I want to so badly.
00:47:28But he's right.
00:47:30And it's very annoying.
00:47:34Kid, you can handle going away to college.
00:47:36After everything we've been through, it'll be a breeze.
00:47:40In a lot of ways, you lived on your own already.
00:47:42I sort of prepared you for this.
00:47:45Maybe that was my plan all along.
00:47:46No.
00:47:47Nice try, though.
00:47:50Look, all these people that you're afraid of leaving, they're all going to be here.
00:47:53And get the fuck out of here, Matthew!
00:47:55Oh, there you are.
00:47:57Sorry.
00:47:58Come on, bud.
00:47:59We've got food for you at home.
00:48:00I just got yelled at for eating the food at home.
00:48:02Well, yeah.
00:48:03That was the wedding cake.
00:48:06Come on in.
00:48:07Make yourselves at home.
00:48:11Please, sit.
00:48:12Great, yeah.
00:48:13You both look so handsome.
00:48:15I love the looks.
00:48:17What's the occasion?
00:48:18We may or may not be going to a wedding in 45 minutes.
00:48:21Fingers crossed for it to either happen or not happen in a super dramatic way.
00:48:27That's so fun.
00:48:29Yeah, my mom and dad never went to stuff together.
00:48:31You ever see those couples where you can tell they shouldn't be married, but they just stay
00:48:35in it forever and ever because divorce is a sin?
00:48:38Good.
00:48:39We're back to the God stuff.
00:48:40Sorry.
00:48:41You probably didn't come by to hear about my childhood.
00:48:43No.
00:48:47So, what did you want to talk about?
00:48:57I made it weird.
00:48:58I do that sometimes.
00:48:59I do that too.
00:49:00He does.
00:49:02It's just your family is so special and I feel lucky to be even a small part of it.
00:49:10I'm really grateful for you guys.
00:49:14Sorry.
00:49:15I'm done interrupting now.
00:49:16Your turn.
00:49:21So, how'd it go?
00:49:23You know, I bailed.
00:49:25I got one sentence in and asked her to spend the rest of her life with us.
00:49:28No.
00:49:30She said that they looked handsome and her family was sad and she said that she liked
00:49:34my look and you know I've always been on the fence about this jacket.
00:49:36She famously has bad taste as we learned from the Winnie the Pooh fiasco.
00:49:40I know what you're going to say, that I'm weak and I don't deserve this baby.
00:49:46It's just that Ava is so alone, you know?
00:49:59You are a weak man.
00:50:02I know.
00:50:04I know.
00:50:05I know.
00:50:07I know.
00:50:17I fucked up.
00:50:18I know.
00:50:19What?
00:50:19Are you out of your freaking mind?
00:50:21I said no soft cheeses.
00:50:22Well, how do you have a walkie?
00:50:24Who are you talking to?
00:50:25Look, there's only a 50-50 chance our guests of honor are going to show up, but we are going
00:50:28to have a wedding either way.
00:50:30Liz, I will marry you if I have to.
00:50:34Well, now I hope that Paul and Julie don't show up.
00:50:37I know.
00:50:38We all know.
00:50:40Don't take that one.
00:50:41That one's for me.
00:50:41You take this little one.
00:50:49You going to dress like this?
00:50:52It makes me feel like you're not into it.
00:50:57Hey, I thought we didn't care about any of this.
00:50:59I don't.
00:51:01I didn't.
00:51:04But then I tried on that dress and it was pretty.
00:51:08Plus, my 15-minute bachelorette party wasn't just me talking about all the guys I've been
00:51:13with.
00:51:14Excuse me?
00:51:17I told them how we met and about our first date at that Italian restaurant that we didn't
00:51:24realize was also a karaoke bar and how you talk sang Total Eclipse of the Heart.
00:51:30And they were oohing and aahing and I just, I just got sucked in and I, my God, I just,
00:51:37I feel like, I just feel so stupid.
00:51:39No.
00:51:41You're not the stupid one.
00:51:43I promised myself I'd start enjoying life to the fullest and, but unfortunately what I
00:51:53like most in life is being an asshole.
00:51:57You are great at it.
00:52:00Won't stop.
00:52:01Can't stop.
00:52:03What I should have been realizing is what we have here.
00:52:10You, me, that's worth celebrating.
00:52:20I mean, we could end up spending the next 50 years together.
00:52:25Oh, that's it?
00:52:27Well then you'll probably die and I'll meet someone else.
00:52:29Yes.
00:52:32I forgot something.
00:52:34Hmm?
00:52:45Will you marry me in 15 minutes?
00:52:57Yeah.
00:52:58Yeah.
00:52:59Yeah.
00:53:00Yeah.
00:53:02Yeah.
00:53:02Yeah.
00:53:10So, shotgun wedding, huh?
00:53:12Julie's pregnant?
00:53:13I knew I shouldn't have invited you.
00:53:16My wedding gift to my dad is that I didn't bring my husband Dave.
00:53:19You can't put a price on that.
00:53:22It means a lot that you came.
00:53:24Of course I came.
00:53:26You should get married every weekend.
00:53:28I want as much time as I can get with you.
00:53:34Keep it short, okay?
00:53:36Okay.
00:53:36We can hug and kiss too.
00:53:38Come.
00:53:40I, I haven't been to a wedding on my own in a long time.
00:53:43Yeah.
00:53:43Kind of fun.
00:53:44I don't have to be a married mom here.
00:53:47I might drink too much.
00:53:48I might ask a stranger to dance.
00:53:50I might even try some flirty banter.
00:53:54You want to give it a shot?
00:53:55Okay.
00:53:56Hey.
00:53:57My daddy's the groom.
00:54:00What's your daddy like?
00:54:03It was, you know what?
00:54:04It was, it was okay.
00:54:05You're gonna warm up.
00:54:06Uh huh.
00:54:07Maybe just like say daddy less.
00:54:10I'm gonna start drinking.
00:54:11Okay.
00:54:12Have fun.
00:54:13Yeah.
00:54:13Yes.
00:54:14No, I understand.
00:54:15Yes.
00:54:15I get how it could seem like I'm not committed.
00:54:17Let's call Wesleyan coach.
00:54:19I fucked this all up.
00:54:20Dead mom card.
00:54:21Last time ever.
00:54:24Play it hard.
00:54:27The thing is, I got in my head about leaving because my mom died not that long ago.
00:54:34Yeah.
00:54:35Yeah.
00:54:36Yeah.
00:54:36I've been a bit of a mess since we lost mama.
00:54:38Mama?
00:54:41That is so kind of you.
00:54:42Oh, you will not regret this.
00:54:44Thank you so much.
00:54:45I can't wait.
00:54:47I'm going to Wesleyan.
00:54:48Ah!
00:54:49Okay.
00:54:50We're about to get this thing rolling.
00:54:52So, please.
00:54:53Take your seats.
00:54:55You like awesome speeches?
00:55:09Let's get going.
00:55:11Are you going to sit down?
00:55:13I'm giving you away.
00:55:15Your dad never showed up.
00:55:17I've always been glad that he was dead, but now I'm even more glad.
00:55:22God.
00:55:43What are you doing?
00:55:44Nothing.
00:55:45Just a bug.
00:55:48Oh, that's perfect.
00:55:52Yes.
00:56:00Love you.
00:56:03Could all please be seated.
00:56:06I would be remiss if I did not take a moment to recognize that right now, all around this great
00:56:13country of ours,
00:56:14melons are forced to have gigantic weddings surrounded by friends and family.
00:56:22They cantaloupe.
00:56:24Oh, wow.
00:56:25Oh, my God.
00:56:26You let that man inside you.
00:56:28Yeah, I'm not proud of it.
00:56:29I'm right here, guys.
00:56:30I do want to thank everybody for coming, of course.
00:56:33And now.
00:56:34Nope.
00:56:35You had your melon joke, which we all felt violated by.
00:56:40Yes.
00:56:41That's your one sentence.
00:56:43No, Paul.
00:56:44That was a greeting, not a sentence.
00:56:46Let the man have his sentence.
00:56:48He needs it.
00:56:48He needs it.
00:56:49Don't be a dick.
00:56:51Give him a phrase.
00:56:52Let him talk.
00:56:53I'm not scared of any of you.
00:56:54Okay, okay.
00:56:55You know what?
00:56:56Listen to me.
00:56:57Just do it for me, big guy, okay?
00:57:00Fine.
00:57:02Go.
00:57:03Okay.
00:57:04We are here today to celebrate Paul and Julie, who are living examples that love can be found in the
00:57:12most unlikely of times and in the most unlikely of places.
00:57:17Comma.
00:57:18Which, in their case, was a cold and sterile doctor's office where they first locked eyes over Julie's stethoscope.
00:57:28Comma.
00:57:28And despite many obstacles, including the medical code of ethics, they forged a connection so deep and so strong that
00:57:39they managed to tear down the walls of a certain fortress of solitude once and for all.
00:57:46Semi-colon.
00:57:48So, Paul and Julie, thank you so much for sharing this moment and your love with all of us.
00:57:59Because every single one of us is so lucky to get to love you back.
00:58:07Period.
00:58:10Suck it.
00:58:11Exclamation point.
00:58:18Suck it.
00:58:20And now?
00:58:21Oh, right.
00:58:21I forgot.
00:58:21I'm sorry.
00:58:22And now, by the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you...
00:58:28Whoa, you're just gonna do it.
00:58:29Whoa.
00:58:29You're married.
00:58:30You can just go ahead and kiss her real deep like that.
00:58:33Yeah!
00:58:34Yeah!
00:58:36Yeah!
00:58:38Yeah!
00:58:39Yeah!
00:58:41Bravo!
00:58:42I know a place.
00:58:45Ain't nobody crying.
00:58:49Hey, big guy.
00:58:51I owe you something.
00:58:55Told you.
00:58:57So, you're telling me I have a year to kiss anyone I want.
00:59:02I am so not telling you that.
00:59:04I'm telling you that.
00:59:07I know how I'm picking.
00:59:10Aww.
00:59:11Fuck that.
00:59:12If I was allowed to cheat, I would obviously choose Pedro Pesca, also my spouse.
00:59:15Mm-hmm.
00:59:16Yeah.
00:59:19This is amazing, babe.
00:59:21Really?
00:59:21Yeah.
00:59:21I can't believe you pulled it off.
00:59:24I love you.
00:59:25Oh, my God.
00:59:26You did it.
00:59:27You said it normal.
00:59:28Wow.
00:59:29Yeah.
00:59:29That's cool.
00:59:30Oh.
00:59:30Well, now I miss the weird one.
00:59:32Oh, I can make it weird.
00:59:32I can do impressions.
00:59:33I can do Smeagol.
00:59:35Do that one.
00:59:37I love you, my precious.
00:59:55You could have that too, you know.
01:00:00I already did, Paul.
01:00:03I was lucky enough to have it for, uh, almost 20 years, so...
01:00:10I'm not certain I'm ever gonna top that.
01:00:12No.
01:00:14The dead wife card.
01:00:16I'm guessing you were the one who told Alice to stop using it?
01:00:21Scary, isn't it?
01:00:23Think about putting yourself out there.
01:00:27But do me a favor, will ya?
01:00:31Don't be like me.
01:00:37Don't wait as long as I did.
01:00:51Hey, Daddy.
01:00:55Oh.
01:00:55Good to dance?
01:00:57I think it's still too much Daddy.
01:01:00Okay, Daddy.
01:01:01Come on, Daddy.
01:01:04Man, what the fuck?
01:01:07It's a living thing.
01:01:09Yeah.
01:01:11Yeah.
01:01:12It's a terrible thing to lose.
01:01:15It's a living thing.
01:01:17It's a given thing.
01:01:19What a terrible thing to lose.
01:01:38Jerry, what are you doing here?
01:01:41Hey, don't get too excited.
01:01:43I just love cake.
01:01:45Hey, stud.
01:01:46Hi.
01:01:48So who are you talking to?
01:01:50Jerry.
01:01:51Who?
01:01:53Jerry.
01:01:57Oh.
01:01:59You don't see him, do you?
01:02:11Wolf.
01:02:13Yeah.
01:02:14You don't see him.
01:03:17Bye-bye.
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