- 2 months ago
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00:03This better be good. I stopped cooking for this.
00:06You cook?
00:07Do not confuse me cooking bitches in Call of War with the lady bitch cooking you do in the kitchen.
00:12Okay, it's too early for you.
00:13Oh, you're telling me. My alarm interrupted my wet dream.
00:17It was going to be a wet dream, but then I woke up before it was a wet dream.
00:22Stop saying wet dream.
00:23We were referees, and we were watching Hulk Hogan and Cate Blanchett absolutely ravage my asshole.
00:29I mean toss it like a Caesar salad. Like destroy me like an old Italian restaurant.
00:34No more talking until I've had my coffee. And after that, still no more talking.
00:45Why are you so chipper?
00:46Because big things are happening this morning.
00:48Don't talk about my dick in front of Violet. Makes her uncomfortable.
00:51He said big things, not tiny disease ridden things.
00:53Not morning people I see, but I'm glad you're here because guess what I got?
00:57Magic sandals.
00:58What? No, I'm not.
01:00Is it a dog? Did you get us all a little dog for like the little office dog?
01:05No, please stop guessing.
01:07Is it Ninja Stars?
01:08So after we got banned from selling Crime City 7, I thought we were finished.
01:12But then I found these.
01:21Arcades!
01:22For passive income!
01:23Wow!
01:24Those are so fucking cool.
01:27Really?
01:27No.
01:29Byietet L shedding.
01:37On my phoneات.
01:40That's crazy.
01:41That's crazy.
01:42That's crazy.
01:44That's crazy.
01:51Like you said no.
01:52I can 말, yo.
01:52Like, понaqx Посéndule.
01:53Let's go.
01:55Why would you be excited about this trash hymn?
01:57Hey! They're not trash.
02:01Okay, yeah, I did find them on the side of the road, but...
02:04Ah, the side of the road. Nature's treasure trope.
02:07You know, my mom wouldn't buy me a queen-size bed
02:09because she said give me an ego.
02:11But then, the street provider...
02:12You sleep on a street mattress?
02:14Dude, that probably has bed bugs.
02:15Oh, it definitely has bed bugs.
02:17Oh, shut up!
02:17Don't worry, don't worry. I'm immune.
02:20My doctor said that I have weird blood,
02:22so even the bugs hate it.
02:24Why aren't we more hyped about this?
02:25I mean, this is like a sign from the universe.
02:27No, it was a sign from sanitation that it's fucking trash day, idiot.
02:30Okay, what makes this special?
02:31Uh, your extra chromosomes?
02:33No.
02:34Our appreciation for the good old days of gaming.
02:38OG consoles.
02:39Old school games.
02:40That's why I decided to make Game Bros retro.
02:42Why would anyone want to play these two-bit dumpster fires
02:45when you can play in FPS and headshot fuckers with an MTZ-556?
02:49Hold on. It says here there's a capacitor problem
02:51with these arcade machines leading to a screen malfunction
02:54which caused seizures in some individuals.
02:56That's pretty cool. Zach, you should play one.
02:58That's not a thing.
02:59You can't believe everything you read on the news.
03:01Jake, these were discontinued.
03:02Even better. We're the only ones that have it.
03:05Exclusively retro.
03:06That's one way to look at it.
03:07Well, if we're going retro,
03:08then why isn't Violet in the kitchen making us sandwiches?
03:11Erin!
03:11Can you do something?
03:12I would like a cheese sandwich.
03:14Zach!
03:15Just when you get a chance, a lot of cheese.
03:17Stop!
03:18In.
03:20And out.
03:21And out through the mouth.
03:25Feel the air flow into your lungs.
03:31And let your muscles...
03:34Hey, Hunter!
03:37Hey, no!
03:39You ready for Vegas, baby?
03:40I'm not going to Vegas.
03:43Am I?
03:43Why would I be going to Vegas?
03:45Cuz...
03:45You're about to get a chunk of money.
03:46We're about to blow it.
03:48And by blowing...
03:49I mean, cocaine!
03:51Sing it with me.
03:52We're going drugs.
03:53And hookers.
03:54Drugs.
03:55Drugs.
03:55Dude, I don't know what you're talking about.
03:57I talked to Bruno.
03:58Deal's done, man.
03:59No, the deal is not done.
04:01I told Bruno we're not selling.
04:03I hate to break it to you, Broseph, but that is not what Bruno thinks.
04:06Did you shake hands?
04:11Why are you so upset, man?
04:13This is what you wanted.
04:14I absolutely did not want to be in a deal with the Albanian mob.
04:18And I don't want to sell anymore.
04:20Bruno is on his way to you.
04:22I am working in here!
04:23Do I interrupt you when you're fucking the gardener?
04:26Sir, I gotta go.
04:31Feel the air...
04:32Don't breath in.
04:33...flow into your lungs.
04:36And out.
04:38Flex your muscles.
04:39Relax.
04:43Beakaboo.
04:43Oh, God! Lazy!
04:45I'm Night Shyamalan and have a plot twist.
04:48If that means I've been dead all along, it would be the best news in weeks.
04:52Oh, poor baby.
04:54Oh, God.
04:55You're making me feel so maternal.
04:58Mama's gonna help you.
05:00And I'm gonna give you some motherly advice.
05:03Pro bono.
05:05Everyone, everywhere, is trying to steal from you.
05:10Always.
05:11That's not true.
05:13It's not?
05:16That's my credit card.
05:17I lost this last week.
05:19No.
05:20I stole it last week.
05:24You know, once we get these bad boys up and running, we're gonna be drowning in quarters.
05:30Anything?
05:31Nope.
05:33You know, someone who's pretty good at this thing is Lance.
05:37I don't need help.
05:39I watch six YouTube videos, so...
05:41Well, if you change your mind, he would come by to help you.
05:44No, thank you.
05:45Got this.
05:46It's easy.
05:46Just need to...
05:48Ow.
05:49I'm stuck.
05:50Violet, I'm stuck.
05:51I'm stuck.
05:51Calling Lance.
05:51I don't need Lance.
05:56See?
05:57Got out of there.
06:02I'll just explain to him that it's just one big misunderstanding and he'll totally get that, right?
06:06Not likely.
06:07Well, I never signed anything, so he can't force a sale.
06:10He can.
06:11Okay, I'll just call the cops.
06:12Snitches get snitches.
06:13Okay, well how about you help me come up with some ideas then?
06:16I could get you like a completely new identity.
06:19I actually have a few ready to go.
06:20How do you feel about the name Diane?
06:23Next idea.
06:24Have you considered murder?
06:26I don't know what to tell you.
06:27Those are my best two ideas.
06:30Elliot, there's some NPC here for you.
06:32Yeah, bring him back.
06:33Do I look like your fucking secretary?
06:35Do it yourself.
06:36Oh my god, Bruno!
06:37Whoa!
06:38Enemy dropping in the AO.
06:40I told you to wait your ass out there.
06:41Aaron, it's okay.
06:43Thanks, Saab.
06:43You're dismissed.
06:46Bruno!
06:47Just the guy I wanted to see.
06:48Can I get you a drink?
06:49I have water.
06:52So funny.
06:54I don't think we're on the same page.
06:56You see, we don't have a deal.
06:58I've decided we're not going to sell the store.
07:00Yes, you are.
07:01We have handshake.
07:03And the only thing able to remove Albanian hand agreement
07:06is Albanian head removal.
07:08What?
07:09I mean, huh?
07:10What, Bruno?
07:12Why do you even want this shithole?
07:13Bruno will level with you.
07:14My family want this place to launder money.
07:18Oh, you could not have picked a better place.
07:20I mean, there is literally zero foot traffic,
07:23physically no sales and history of incompetent management.
07:26My family want to use Game Bro for illegitimate business.
07:31But, but, Bruno want to use it for legitimate business.
07:36I love video games.
07:38Huh?
07:39Shooters, stabbers, cutesy farm simulators, all of it.
07:43I have dream to own Game Store.
07:46No, don't!
07:47Don't!
07:47Oh, don't.
07:49Bruno, don't do this to me and my brother.
07:53It's our dream.
07:54Mostly his dream, but also kind of mine too now.
07:57So, if you get your dream, we lose ours.
08:04Okay.
08:05I'm okay with this.
08:06I want my dream and not yours.
08:08Yes.
08:09No, no!
08:10Fuck!
08:10Fuck!
08:11No!
08:12No!
08:14I guess that's just the way it is, huh?
08:17Well, can you let me break it to my brother, please?
08:20That is acceptable.
08:21You have one hour.
08:22Whoa.
08:22That's, that's not enough time.
08:24He's, uh, I need to break it to him gently.
08:26He's very sensitive.
08:28I will be here until it is finished.
08:29I just, uh, can't really have you hanging around the store.
08:32Then we, uh, should start the Albanian head removal process, yes?
08:36Ah!
08:37Fine.
08:38That won't be necessary.
08:39I will be new intern.
08:41I will pretend I am here to learn how to Game Bro when silently I am shaking you down.
08:46Your employees will teach me everything I need to know and then I will fire them.
08:50American dream, no?
08:51Yeah.
08:52I mean, I'm not really sure how the team will remind the story.
08:55That's another head shake.
08:57Oh, my God.
08:58The Albanian-American International Employee Cultural Exchange.
09:03I buy it.
09:04I've watched enough shows on TLC to pretty much believe anything.
09:07Don't we have to send someone to Albania?
09:09I am not taking any questions right now.
09:12Look, he just needs to learn how to work here so he can show his family how to open up
09:16a store similar to this one.
09:17Yes.
09:18Very similar to this exact store.
09:21Or he can squad up with Zack.
09:23I don't like his accent.
09:25Sounds Russian.
09:26And after the MW2 airport massacre, I trust no Russian.
09:31Happy to oblige.
09:32You came at the right time, my friend.
09:34Black Friday is right around the corner and we got lots to learn.
09:37Oh, we all have this holiday in our country also.
09:41How many witches will we burn?
09:43We will start with this one.
09:45Big joker, this guy.
09:47Bruno, please don't burn anyone.
09:50And as for the rest of you, get back to work.
09:53Enjoy your jobs.
09:55You never know how long you'll have to go.
10:00I don't like you.
10:03But if you want to set her on fire, let me know I'm down.
10:06Don't look at me.
10:08Fresh meat, huh?
10:09I've been waiting for an underling to come around.
10:12You know, in pretty much any scenario, I'm a bottom.
10:15But today, I'm a power bottom.
10:17Not sure you know what that means.
10:18It means I can control the depth of my penetration.
10:20Yep, you get it.
10:21But no penetration today.
10:23You are my bitch.
10:25And you're gonna go get me a soda, fresh meat bitch.
10:29Fresh meat boy.
10:30You are actually an intern, right?
10:32Yes.
10:33I will go fetch soda for sickly child.
10:38Look at us.
10:39He's in the new guy.
10:40What should we do next?
10:41Should we spank his little butt?
10:44What?
10:48These things wouldn't get turned on if your mom was sitting on their face.
10:51So you're calling my mom hot?
10:53What? No.
10:54No.
10:54You just basically said nothing could turn these things on.
10:57Even my mom's sitting on their face.
10:59Oh, my God!
11:01Uninstall!
11:02Jakey boy.
11:03V said you needed my help with this?
11:05Uh, no.
11:06Don't know why she called you.
11:08I have everything under control.
11:09Dude, these are some sick cabbies, muchacho.
11:12I haven't seen Mrs. Muncher in years.
11:14Dude, if you get this up and running, you're drowning in quarters.
11:16Yeah, that's what I said.
11:17Dope.
11:17I mean, must be why V likes you so much.
11:19You're a reminder of me.
11:21So, uh, you been inside her yet?
11:23What?
11:23No.
11:24No?
11:25We're just friends.
11:26She's an employee.
11:27Dude, I'm talking about the machines.
11:29Oh, my gosh.
11:30That is sick, though, you can manage to be V's friend.
11:32Dude, I could never be friends with a chick that hot.
11:35Look, Lance, I'm sorry you came all the way down here for nothing.
11:37But seriously, I already figured it all out.
11:40I was just getting ready to plug it in now.
11:42So...
11:46Oh.
11:47Everything turned off.
11:49Why are the lights off?
11:50Do you want to play weird as my finger?
11:54Hey!
11:54Hey!
11:54Hey!
11:57Hey!
11:59Cock blocked by a robust power grid.
12:02Oh!
12:03Hey, um, question while you're down here.
12:06When Bruno comes on, do you think that he'll be cool with me going in on this money laundering
12:11thing?
12:11Because, let me tell you what, I have come into some money recently, and it is dirty.
12:17Stop!
12:17Stop!
12:17Just stop!
12:18Can you just actually go?
12:20You are the opposite of helpful, and some of the things that you have said are very
12:24concerning.
12:24You fight for your rights, sweetie.
12:28Thanks for helping.
12:29Oh, dude, no sweat.
12:31I love these things.
12:32Takes me back.
12:32I mean, any time someone would have, like, a birthday party at a bowling alley or whatever,
12:35I would just park my ass in the arcade.
12:38Honestly, same.
12:39Favorite arcade game ever on three.
12:41One, two, three.
12:42It's a tie.
12:44Between Time Crisis 2 and Marvel vs. Capcom 2.
12:46Dude, no way!
12:47Are we best friends?
12:48I wouldn't go that far.
12:50I mean, that was crazy, but, um...
12:53I guess you're not so bad.
12:54Dude, you gotta come party with me and my boys this weekend.
12:56My homie Chaz, loaded.
12:58He's got all this banned liquor and a golden toilet you can throw up in.
13:01Uh, yeah.
13:02I'll, uh, I'll think about it.
13:04I mean, he kinda, like, needs a head count.
13:07So...
13:10Yeah, I've been on 13 tours and had over 100,000 confirmed kills.
13:16What's your KD?
13:16He's very impressive.
13:18I have killed nine people and died zero times.
13:21Zero deaths?!
13:22Bro, you're a fucking beast!
13:24Um, what are you doing?
13:27This is skill-based matchmaking.
13:29You don't belong in this lobby.
13:30Booty!
13:31We will rig Quarter Machine to give two quarters per dollar.
13:35Then when they complain, we say,
13:37Machine gave quarters.
13:39Did not say how many.
13:40Headshot, biatch!
13:42Jake's not gonna go for that.
13:44He's not Jake's choice.
13:45What do you mean by that?
13:47Bruno, what are you doing?!
13:49Get over here now!
13:51Peking called me.
13:52I must continue intern ruse.
13:57You did just hear him say ruse and that really weird thing about Jake, right?
14:00You are like PlayStation AI in the chat.
14:03No one wants you here!
14:05Fucking leave!
14:09I've done all I can.
14:11This thing is fucked.
14:12Speaking of fucked,
14:13I'm taking Violet to get a Smashburger.
14:15You wanna join?
14:16Uh, I'm not hungry, thanks.
14:18Okay.
14:19See you at Chaz's later.
14:20I'll hit you up.
14:21Hey, babe!
14:22Let's go smash!
14:25Hey, bro!
14:27Got a sec?
14:28Oh, wait, okay.
14:29You know Violet's lame boyfriend?
14:30He might not actually be lame.
14:31And I think we might be friends.
14:33That'll make it a little difficult for you to cuck him.
14:36I would not portray somebody that I care about.
14:38I'm some heartless jerk.
14:40Yeah.
14:41Good guy.
14:42Okay.
14:43So, what'd you want to tell me?
14:46Um, I'm hungry.
14:48Oh, great.
14:49Let's get some Smashburgers.
14:51Oh, no, no.
14:52You don't have to do anything at all, actually.
14:55No, I know.
14:56Hey, no onions.
14:57I got you, man.
14:57No, Jake.
14:58You don't have to do that.
15:01Jake?
15:07Have you betrayed your game brother yet?
15:11Any minute.
15:12He just needed to eat.
15:14Don't want to break his heart on an empty stomach, you know?
15:16But soon.
15:18Very soon.
15:19Soon is good.
15:20Bruno is patient man.
15:27But Bruno is also not patient man.
15:41What the fuck?
15:51Are you crying?
15:53No.
15:53Just the onions on the burger.
15:56There are no onions on that burger.
15:58I know.
15:59It's so good to me.
16:02Okay, I don't really have the capacity for emotion, Elliot.
16:05Seriously, who is that new guy?
16:07He's just the new intern, okay?
16:09Very legit.
16:10Okay, sure.
16:10I'm just going to go ask Jake.
16:11No, no, no.
16:12Don't.
16:12Okay.
16:13Okay, I'll tell you.
16:15I accidentally sold the store to the Albanian mob.
16:18What?
16:18It was a misunderstanding and I tried to stop it, but it's the literal mafia.
16:23And I've lost control of the situation.
16:26And that's the truth.
16:27And I haven't told Jake yet.
16:30Wow.
16:31Yeah.
16:32I'm fucked.
16:34I'm fucking fucked.
16:35Yeah, that's a lot.
16:39Actually, I'm just going to let you deal with that and I'm probably going to just pretend
16:44like I don't know that information.
16:51Witch looks pissed.
16:53You should burn her before Black Friday.
16:56Listen, Bruno, about the whole Albanian handshake thing.
16:59Not now.
17:00I am on very big intern quest.
17:02Do you know what I find?
17:04The Sneezard.
17:05The Sneezard?
17:06The Sneezard?
17:06I need to find this Sneezard and bring to Pig King or else I don't become real game bro.
17:10Zack is messing with you.
17:12There's no such thing as a Sneezard.
17:14It's like a made up creature.
17:16It's like a prank.
17:17Do you know what a prank is?
17:19Pig King lied to me?
17:20Yeah.
17:21I'll talk to him.
17:22He made me look like an idiot.
17:24Childhood.
17:25Yeah?
17:25Wish I could go back.
17:26Are you done talking?
17:27Because I called in an airstrike in the bathroom.
17:30Go clean it up.
17:31That's Bruno's job now.
17:33Yeah.
17:33I'm not the bottom anymore.
17:34I'm the power bottom.
17:37Well then I guess Bruno should go clean up all this shit for my power bottom.
17:41No.
17:41Whoa!
17:42Turn off cold blooded you fucking creep.
17:45No!
17:46No!
17:47Maybe I didn't make myself clear.
17:49You were clear?
17:50I found the Sneezard.
17:52What?
17:53You did?
17:54The little, well like lizard?
17:56With the, this, the wings and the little, the little penis?
17:59I found it.
18:02What the fuck is the Sneezard?
18:05In our dungeon?
18:06I mean it's a crawl space but in my mind it's a dungeon.
18:09And that's where sassy little boys go.
18:11So you don't want to end up down there so if I were you I'd clean the bathroom.
18:17Sneezard is there.
18:19Oh.
18:19Go.
18:20I don't need to.
18:21Why are you touching me?
18:22Yeah.
18:23Yeah.
18:23I'll go down cause I want to.
18:25My body.
18:26My choice.
18:28No Sneezard so this is good.
18:30Say hello to Sneezard.
18:31No.
18:31No.
18:32No.
18:32No one's gonna hear me.
18:33It's soundproof here.
18:34No.
18:34Now you are sassy little boy in dungeon.
18:38No more lies.
18:39Well.
18:40Guess this is what my ancestors went through.
18:46Uh, who the hell are you?
18:47That's a new intern.
18:48He's got a big fat KD.
18:50Bruno is not intern.
18:52I am boss.
18:53This is my store.
18:54Whoa, Bruno!
18:56Man.
18:57Eager beaver over here.
18:58Am I right guys?
18:59Oh man.
19:00I smell a promotion.
19:03Just tell him.
19:04Jake, he owns the store now.
19:07Elliot got in over his head and sold him the store.
19:09What?
19:09Holy shit.
19:11We're spawn swapping!
19:15I fucked it.
19:16Um, in his defense, he was actually trying to fuck you over with someone legit.
19:22He didn't mean to ruin your life with the Albanian mafia.
19:25Yeah, how was that in my defense?
19:28I knew you were a spy.
19:30I never forget no Russian.
19:35Yeah.
19:35No.
19:37I say no to you.
19:39I don't care that you're mafia.
19:42Not for sale.
19:43Baby, baby.
19:43I see what you're doing.
19:44I would hold off on the big dick energy until you've heard the alternative because it is beheaded.
19:49It is Dundee.
19:51This is mine.
19:53And death.
19:55And death.
19:58You betrayed me.
20:00Game bro slaughtered your dream to make way for mine.
20:04So now your dream is my dream.
20:08And so is this.
20:09And death.
20:11And this is mine.
20:13Gotta go along with it.
20:14It's mine.
20:16Everything was going so well.
20:19We had the whole retro thing going for us?
20:21I made a friend today.
20:23This is mine.
20:24I was supposed to puke in the gold toilet at Chaz's house.
20:27Wait, you know Chaz?
20:28This is mine.
20:30This is mine.
20:33You have to do something. Stop him.
20:35Dude, I've tried.
20:37There's nothing.
20:40Oh.
20:40That's gonna buck his KD.
20:42Well, that'll work.
20:43Shit, the gang gave him a seizure.
20:48Jake, wait.
20:55Jake.
20:59Jake.
21:01Jake.
21:02What do you want to do?
21:03You want to fight me?
21:05I won't fight back.
21:06You can just have at it.
21:07Yes, Elliot.
21:07I want to beat the shit out of you.
21:09Okay?
21:10But every time I turn to find a little brother in his place, being a dick, somehow I get in
21:14trouble or I get hurt.
21:15Well, it's because you fight like a toddler.
21:16I don't care.
21:17Okay?
21:18Look.
21:18I thought this was gonna bring us closer.
21:20I know.
21:20I get it.
21:21I suck.
21:21I'm a terrible brother.
21:22I know I should have told you about this and that was stupid, but I really thought we could make
21:27this work.
21:28We still can.
21:29I'm not giving up.
21:31If you two are done giving each other blumpkins, you should get your asses in here.
21:35You're never gonna believe this shit.
21:45He woke up speaking Spanish and remembers nothing.
21:49Why am I not surprised that Lacey speaks Spanish?
21:51She told him he was a customer who passed out in our store and we've never met him.
21:55Bro, you called in a fucking nuke with that trash arcade.
21:59It's a fucking sign, dude.
22:00A good one.
22:01Aren't you glad I work here?
22:02You don't work here.
22:04Fuck.
22:04Yes.
22:05Top of the leaderboard.
22:07Woo.
22:10Hey, cha biatch.
22:14Nena, hermosa.
22:15Tienes un queso?
22:16Mmm.
22:17Si.
22:26What the fuck is that?
22:28No!
22:30No!
22:32Die!
22:34Die!
22:36Die!
22:36Die!
22:38Die!
22:40Die!
22:42Die!
22:50Die!
22:52Die!
22:55Die!
22:55Die!
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