- 18 hours ago
Zombie Repellent [Full Movie] [Latest Version]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:21so the plan was to sneak off and get married in Vegas the whole thing was
00:00:25ruined by zombies yeah freaking zombies thank you can you come in with me next
00:00:39time why because the dude in line behind me is hitting on me why do I always get
00:00:45hit on at gas stations honey you're irresistible there he is what who the
00:00:54hell is Jasmine Jasmine can't wait to see you again when are you going to invite
00:01:00me don't you don't need to keep reading that I can't wait to spend the whole
00:01:03weekend with you hey hey it's just a girl from work nobody from work sends me
00:01:08notes hmm good dude needs a better phone password I guess
00:01:28how much longer are we going to do this okay I get it back roads are the heart of America
00:01:35but how much corn do we need to see this this is the road less traveled right yeah we're gonna
00:01:41make
00:01:41it to Vegas on time but if we just took the main highway how memorable would that be
00:01:49after eight years of therapy this should be nothing but it's our wedding I love you
00:01:58don't I love you
00:02:20oh come on gravel this is gonna shave an hour of trip
00:02:30huh I want it
00:02:41we're getting married tomorrow yeah we are and we're cutting it pretty close
00:02:49you know this is gonna make a great story one day
00:02:59huh
00:02:59huh
00:03:00huh
00:03:02huh
00:03:03huh
00:03:06huh
00:03:10huh
00:03:18that's not good
00:03:44Oh, my God.
00:03:52Where are you going?
00:03:58Liz.
00:04:02It's a minor delay.
00:04:05Baby, you need to relax.
00:04:09Hey.
00:04:18Baby, it's my job to make you happy.
00:04:22Right?
00:04:24I'll tell you what.
00:04:26From this moment on, for the rest of our lives,
00:04:29whether it's this route or that route,
00:04:32it's your call.
00:04:33I'll tell you what.
00:04:36Just to show you, I can change.
00:04:39You get to decide where we eat for the whole trip.
00:04:44Yeah?
00:04:46You good?
00:04:49All right.
00:04:54Hey, Chad.
00:04:55Yeah?
00:04:57Where's the car?
00:05:04Huh.
00:05:12Babe.
00:05:13I don't want to talk about it.
00:05:17Just gotta look on the bright side, all right?
00:05:20What is the bright side of my wedding dress being stolen?
00:05:23I'm sure it's just a big misunderstanding.
00:05:26These things always have a way of working themselves out.
00:05:29I don't want to talk about it.
00:05:44You guys need a ride?
00:05:46Um, no.
00:05:49We're good.
00:05:51Our car was stolen.
00:05:53Around here?
00:05:54Not likely.
00:06:00Where'd you leave it?
00:06:01Um, over by the gravel road.
00:06:05Down that way.
00:06:07And it just vanished?
00:06:12Well, just sitting around here,
00:06:14Buck probably came out and hitched it up.
00:06:17Hop in and I'll take you to it.
00:06:19That's okay.
00:06:19If you can just point us in the right direction,
00:06:21we can walk.
00:06:25What are you doing?
00:06:28You can walk?
00:06:30Please.
00:06:31I'm gonna hop in the back and keep Susie company.
00:06:37Well...
00:06:39I mean, why can't I ride up front with you guys?
00:06:43I keep my elbow room.
00:06:46In the back?
00:06:56There's no handle.
00:06:58Up over.
00:07:18There's no handle.
00:07:24There's no handle.
00:07:24Help yourself.
00:07:25Oh.
00:07:26No thanks.
00:07:27I'm trying to quit.
00:07:29I know the struggle.
00:07:31I've been trying to quit pretty ladies.
00:07:38What are you two doing way out here?
00:07:40Well, my fiance wanted to take the scenic route.
00:07:43Well, plenty of that around here.
00:07:46Where are you heading?
00:07:46Vegas.
00:07:48We're eloping.
00:07:50What?
00:07:51Pretty gal like you?
00:07:53You deserve a proper wedding.
00:07:55Like a fancy one with a 400 pound pig roasting over an open pit.
00:08:02Moonshine and a band with banjo and mandolin.
00:08:07Gotta have the banjo.
00:08:09Don't let me go by with anything less.
00:08:13You don't want to go marry a guy who won't put you number one.
00:08:18Well, actually the Vegas thing was kind of my idea.
00:08:27Well, ain't you an easy going sort of gal.
00:08:34Susie?
00:09:04Tommy!
00:09:08Tell me a chick, are you?
00:09:09She's the best mechanic in the area.
00:09:12Sup, Clem?
00:09:13Breaking arts as usual.
00:09:15You know it.
00:09:16Found these two up off a 51.
00:09:21That's my car.
00:09:23Don't cream your jeans, sweetheart.
00:09:25It's a Nissan.
00:09:27We'll see you, Missy.
00:09:28Good luck.
00:09:34Uh, Liz?
00:09:43How much stuff has been?
00:09:46What about my phone?
00:09:48Everything.
00:09:49Relax, princess.
00:09:51The sheriff has it.
00:09:53Why?
00:09:54So nothing goes missing.
00:09:57And it gives him a chance to go through all your stuff.
00:10:00Make sure you're not up to no good.
00:10:03He can't do that.
00:10:05I'll let you be the one to tell him that.
00:10:08And you.
00:10:09You degenerate.
00:10:10Your battery's dead as a doornail, boss.
00:10:13Oh.
00:10:14That it?
00:10:15Nope.
00:10:18Do you have a phone I can use?
00:10:20Inside.
00:10:31Devil Hill switchboard, how may I direct your call?
00:10:34Um, I'm at the garage and Tommy said I could use the phone.
00:10:39No problem.
00:10:41Who would you like to be connected with?
00:10:42New York.
00:10:43The number is...
00:10:44Sorry, honey.
00:10:45This switchboard can only connect you with people in our town.
00:10:50Okay.
00:10:51How do I call outside the town?
00:10:53You can.
00:10:54Thank you for calling.
00:11:09So now I'm not live within a hundred feet I've been crying.
00:11:12How?
00:11:13The phone only works for people in this town.
00:11:15I could have told you that.
00:11:18Where's the sheriff's office?
00:11:20Go to the end of my building.
00:11:22Turn left.
00:11:23Look up.
00:11:23You'll see it.
00:11:25Good.
00:11:26I'll use my own phone.
00:11:27Not in this town.
00:11:30Why not?
00:11:31The council has a no tech policy.
00:11:36No cell phones, computers.
00:11:38It's a bit extreme.
00:11:40It's the way we like it.
00:11:44Can you fix the car?
00:11:46Easy.
00:11:47Good.
00:11:48Should be ready by tomorrow afternoon.
00:11:51We can't stay here.
00:11:53That's true.
00:11:55No motels.
00:11:58Huh.
00:12:00You could try Mrs. Powell's up on First and Devil's Hill.
00:12:05She takes in...
00:12:08strays once in a while.
00:12:11Strays.
00:12:16She gets along with that sometimes.
00:12:19Are we ready in the morning?
00:12:21Late afternoon.
00:12:24Okay.
00:12:26Thanks.
00:12:33Babe.
00:12:34Where are you going?
00:12:37I'm going to get my phone, my dress, and go home.
00:12:42Don't you think you're overreacting?
00:12:47Just, just like a little bit.
00:12:49I'm not overreacting.
00:12:52The whole point of this trip was so that we didn't have to deal with the stress of a big
00:12:56wedding.
00:12:57And this has been nothing but stressful.
00:13:09Perfect.
00:13:10What is it?
00:13:18Be back tomorrow at 9 a.m.
00:13:22Huh.
00:13:25Chadwick Allen Webber?
00:13:30Fix this!
00:13:36Babe?
00:13:39Babe?
00:13:52Seems nice.
00:13:58Right.
00:14:16We've been expecting you.
00:14:18Oh, they must have called you and told you about our car.
00:14:21Yeah, Tommy said...
00:14:24I will allow you to stay one night.
00:14:27Providing you follow the house rules.
00:14:32Sure.
00:14:33Enter.
00:14:50It's a drafty house.
00:14:53If you're not married, you'll stay in separate rooms.
00:14:57Oh, well...
00:14:58We're actually engaged.
00:15:00Separate rooms!
00:15:04That's fine.
00:15:05Dinner will be served at 7 p.m. sharp.
00:15:08Lights out at 10 p.m.
00:15:11And I need your rooms returned like you found them at 9 a.m.
00:15:17How much do we owe you?
00:15:19I will not accept money for my hospitality.
00:15:23It's really no big deal.
00:15:25No!
00:15:27My daughter Ellie Mae will show you to your rooms.
00:15:38I need your toilet time.
00:15:42Hi.
00:15:43I'm Ellie Mae.
00:15:45You can call me Ellie.
00:15:47Hi, Ellie.
00:15:48What?
00:15:50I'm Liz and this is my fiancé, Chad.
00:15:54We don't get many visitors around here.
00:15:57At least, none that stay very long.
00:16:02Come on up.
00:16:10What?
00:16:16In there?
00:16:17No, hon.
00:16:18You're in there.
00:16:20There's towels on the bed if you want to freshen up.
00:16:23Thanks.
00:16:26You'll be in there.
00:16:29And in case you're wondering, my rooms are right above yours.
00:16:34See you at dinner.
00:16:35I mean...
00:16:42What?
00:16:44Liz.
00:16:49Hey...
00:17:32Would you like to give thanks before we eat?
00:17:36Uh, no thanks.
00:17:40Go ahead.
00:17:44I think Chavs would love to, wouldn't you?
00:17:48Oh, okay.
00:17:52Um...
00:17:54Hmm...
00:17:56Oh my God!
00:17:59Please bless this meal and give us the strength to say no to the devil, and please stop Satan
00:18:15from corrupting our minds.
00:18:19Let us all ask what would Jesus do if he was here at this table with us.
00:18:25Just let us all make good choices and get home safe.
00:18:29Oh man!
00:18:45Squirrels in the basement.
00:18:47Squirrels...
00:18:49Squirrels?
00:18:51Please, help yourself.
00:18:57Oh, um...
00:18:58That looks really delicious.
00:19:02Um, but I'm actually a vegetarian.
00:19:05How disappointing.
00:19:07More for us.
00:19:15Please.
00:19:19Please.
00:19:28Where'd you keep pajamas?
00:19:30They were just in my bed.
00:19:33I didn't keep pajamas.
00:19:39What?
00:19:42I think we should leave.
00:19:45I can't understand you.
00:19:47Yeah.
00:19:50What?
00:19:51I think we should leave.
00:19:55And go where?
00:19:58Baby, I know it's creepy, but let's just spend the night here.
00:20:02And then first thing in the morning we'll leave.
00:20:07Something's not right here.
00:20:09Nothing's...
00:20:10Right here.
00:20:12I...
00:20:14Look, I'm one door down.
00:20:16Okay?
00:20:18Nothing's gonna happen.
00:20:20You trust me, right?
00:20:24You trust me?
00:20:26Come on, please.
00:20:27Come on, please.
00:20:28Okay.
00:20:30I trust you will honor the house rules until tomorrow.
00:20:35Yes, ma'am.
00:20:36Yeah, I mean...
00:20:38Oh, I wasn't trying to sneak around to have sex or anything.
00:20:42Um, we've had plenty of sex.
00:20:46Inside, outside, we've done it.
00:20:49In a plane, but we got caught.
00:20:52And so I just wouldn't even try that here.
00:20:55I mean, she's pretty tired of all the sexing from earlier.
00:21:01So, I think we're just gonna be doing some sleeping.
00:21:04Right?
00:21:05Yeah.
00:21:05So, no sexing.
00:21:06Just sleeping.
00:21:08If anything, I'll be flying solo tonight.
00:21:10Stop talking.
00:21:11I'm gonna stop talking now.
00:21:13Good night.
00:21:18Good night.
00:21:36Good night.
00:22:05Good night.
00:22:13Good night.
00:22:39Good night.
00:23:16Good night.
00:23:28Oh my god, are you naked?
00:23:31You're not just that I like it.
00:23:33You don't know how you like it.
00:23:35Oh, wait.
00:23:35It's all right.
00:23:37What are you doing, idiot?
00:23:39I could ask you the same thing.
00:23:41It's against house rules.
00:23:42Mother's not gonna be very happy.
00:23:44What did she do with this?
00:23:45Nothing.
00:23:46She was already gone.
00:23:48Shit.
00:23:49Where'd she go?
00:23:50She went out the front door.
00:23:52I don't think she wanted to stay here tonight.
00:23:56Where...
00:23:56Where would she have gone?
00:23:59There's only a few places in town that are even open.
00:24:03You could go look.
00:24:05Okay.
00:24:07Maybe downstairs.
00:24:09In ten minutes.
00:24:10And put some clothes on.
00:24:12I'm engaged.
00:24:13I'm engaged.
00:24:13I'm engaged.
00:24:15Okay.
00:24:41I'm engaged.
00:24:43I'm engaged.
00:24:44I'm engaged.
00:24:45No, no, I'm staying here. Up there. I came down because I heard something.
00:24:51You heard a noise. What did it sound like?
00:24:57What?
00:24:58The sound that you heard. What did it sound like?
00:25:02It was just a sound.
00:25:05Was it like a...
00:25:08Help me!
00:25:12Sound?
00:25:16No. It was a dragging sound. It was Mrs. Powell.
00:25:25Cancel that peeping Betty.
00:25:27Copy that, Sheriff.
00:25:29I think you'd better come with me.
00:25:31What? I didn't do anything.
00:25:33No, you're not in any trouble. I just thought you might like your phones in that pretty wedding dress bag.
00:25:39Oh. Great. I'll get my fiancé.
00:25:44You know, on second thought, I don't have a lot of time.
00:25:47Why don't you come to the station tomorrow and I'll give them to you. Around 4 o'clock.
00:25:51But the sign on your door said you'd be in early.
00:25:54I was. But I got crazy Carl in the back seat and I got to get him to the county
00:25:58jail tonight.
00:26:05Can I go like this?
00:26:07Oh, sure. It'll only take about 15 minutes.
00:26:11Okay.
00:26:13Let's go.
00:26:21Hi.
00:26:24Hi.
00:26:25Hi.
00:26:26Hi.
00:26:39You sure are jumpy.
00:26:43What's the plan?
00:26:44We'll walk into town and ask if anybody's seen you.
00:26:48Walk?
00:26:49I don't drive.
00:26:53None of the town's people seem to like me.
00:26:55They don't like any strangers.
00:26:57But you're with me.
00:26:58Nothing's going to happen.
00:27:03That's crazy Carl.
00:27:07Hi.
00:27:08Pleasure to meet you.
00:27:10Carl makes the best moonshine in the whole state.
00:27:14Is it legal to make moonshine here?
00:27:18Nope.
00:27:19Hell no.
00:27:21Oh.
00:27:22Is that why you're going to jail?
00:27:25Well, Carl made the mistake of sleeping with the mayor's wife.
00:27:28No crime in that.
00:27:30But when the judge found out that he was sleeping with his wife, too, he threw the book at him.
00:27:36Literally.
00:27:37Almost took out my eye.
00:27:40Yeah, that's what you get for sleeping around, Carl.
00:27:43Maybe try getting a girlfriend?
00:27:47Old Carl's not the boyfriend type.
00:27:56You like fried pickles?
00:27:57Um, I don't know if I've ever had fried pickles.
00:28:00Shut up.
00:28:02How?
00:28:02Vinegar pie?
00:28:04No.
00:28:05Chitlins?
00:28:05Goat stew?
00:28:07Slug burger?
00:28:10I think you're making these up, man.
00:28:12I think you're from Mars.
00:28:16So, how'd you meet your girlfriend?
00:28:19I was visiting Los Angeles looking at post-grad schools, and he was assigned to give me the
00:28:25campus tour.
00:28:26Love at first sight.
00:28:29Hardly.
00:28:30He was unfocused and completely scatterbrained.
00:28:34He didn't say one thing that was substantial.
00:28:38And then, at the end of the day, he looks at me and says,
00:28:41Liz, you're very wound up, and you're too serious.
00:28:47He did not.
00:28:49The nerve.
00:28:50Oh, and then he asked me if I wanted to go watch the sunset with him.
00:28:55The nerve?
00:28:56How presumptuous.
00:28:58Right?
00:28:59A little bit of that Chad swagger.
00:29:02She finally agreed.
00:29:04You charmer.
00:29:06Well, Liz is like this little tightly wound ball of perfection.
00:29:11But all of her best qualities are sort of her little imperfections.
00:29:16Aw.
00:29:17And you're a romantic.
00:29:19He's a romantic.
00:29:21You know what he got me for our first anniversary?
00:29:24A spa package?
00:29:26With Senate oils included?
00:29:27A diamond ring.
00:29:29Tennis shoes and a t-shirt.
00:29:31I didn't know neither.
00:29:38Liz, I'm going to run in and grab your stuff.
00:29:41Carol, you being nice?
00:29:43She's spoken for?
00:29:55Liz, you're a lucky girl.
00:29:58Thanks, Carl.
00:30:02Any chance you can help me get out of these cuffs?
00:30:06The keys are on the keychain.
00:30:11That's not going to happen.
00:30:22Hi, Sarah.
00:30:23Can I get three grave makers?
00:30:24You got it, Ellie.
00:30:36Huh.
00:30:40What's taking so long?
00:30:43Maybe you had to drop a deuce.
00:30:53Oh, shit.
00:30:54They got him.
00:30:58Liz, don't leave me.
00:31:01Please.
00:31:10Run.
00:31:11Move it.
00:31:16Run.
00:31:22Thanks, Sarah.
00:31:26You like dancing?
00:31:29We love dancing.
00:31:31Every Thursday, they clear out the tables, and it's a big dance floor.
00:31:34With a disco ball.
00:31:39Disco ball?
00:31:46Drink up, city boy.
00:31:49I'm trying to find Liz.
00:31:52That's right.
00:31:54Liz disappeared.
00:31:56That girl is wound so tight, might have imploded.
00:32:01Look, you guys don't know Liz like I do.
00:32:06He's a romantic.
00:32:08Have you seen her?
00:32:10I love this song.
00:32:12Let's dance.
00:32:13Now?
00:32:15She was asking me.
00:32:30Hi.
00:32:32You shouldn't be here.
00:32:34It's not safe.
00:32:37This whole place is cursed.
00:32:41What?
00:32:42Get out while you can.
00:32:44They'll come for you.
00:32:45They'll come for you.
00:32:51Who?
00:32:58What is it?
00:33:03Is it a secret?
00:33:11Dude, what are you on?
00:33:12Come on, Larry.
00:33:13Let's not scare the customers.
00:33:24Don't listen to him.
00:33:25He wears aluminum foil over his underwear.
00:33:28What?
00:33:29He said a UFO took him when he was little, and when they brought him back, he was clairvoyant.
00:33:34But I don't know why a clairvoyant would come here every night and get drunk.
00:33:40I need to find Liz.
00:33:42I need to find Liz.
00:33:45Hold up.
00:33:47Hold up.
00:33:51I can't believe they got the sheriff.
00:33:54What the hell is going on?
00:33:55They got him.
00:33:57They got him.
00:33:58Who?
00:33:59Zombies are fucking zombies, Liz.
00:34:04No.
00:34:06No, maybe each of them got burned.
00:34:08This is bad.
00:34:11If there's one, there's more.
00:34:12And they'll be coming for us.
00:34:16Zombies aren't real.
00:34:17Why?
00:34:18Because you never saw one.
00:34:20Let's help me get out of these cuffs.
00:34:22How?
00:34:23Come here.
00:34:23Come here.
00:34:27Spit on my arm and my wrists.
00:34:32Ew, no.
00:34:34We don't have time.
00:34:35Liz, spit.
00:34:37Lubrication.
00:34:38I can't protect you with these on.
00:34:41Spit.
00:34:42Spit.
00:34:43Okay.
00:34:43Oh, God.
00:34:46No.
00:34:48What?
00:34:49Nothing.
00:34:50I got a gang reflex to spit.
00:34:52Just keep on.
00:34:53Go, go, go, go, go.
00:35:02Again.
00:35:06A few more.
00:35:14Almost there.
00:35:24It's so gross.
00:35:30Run!
00:35:34It'd be cute if they had those little umbrellas for the drinks.
00:35:37You think?
00:35:40Okay, look.
00:35:41This has been a really good time.
00:35:46I need to find my fiancée.
00:35:50I haven't seen her.
00:35:51If she left the house and just started walking, she could be anywhere.
00:35:55Did you check down by the river?
00:35:57That's a great idea.
00:35:59I didn't think of that.
00:36:01What's down by the river?
00:36:02The river, silly.
00:36:05Okay, well, why would someone go down to the river?
00:36:08It's the closest lit up thing to the house.
00:36:10Looks like you're walking towards something.
00:36:12But when you get there, it's just a bunch of big empty buildings and lots.
00:36:16Okay, so let's go.
00:36:19Bye, cutie.
00:36:23My car's gonna be ready tomorrow, right?
00:36:25Might be ready sooner than I thought.
00:36:27Yeah.
00:36:33Will you please tell me what's going on?
00:36:35I've got a plan.
00:36:37We'll wait for the barge.
00:36:39We'll swim out.
00:36:41And we'll ride it down a few hundred miles.
00:36:44What?
00:36:45No!
00:36:46I need to find Chad.
00:36:47And what happened to the sheriff?
00:36:50I told you he's a zombie.
00:36:51There must have been one hiding in the police station.
00:36:55Everyone in this town is crazy.
00:36:58I don't think that's a very fair statement.
00:37:01You've only met a few of us.
00:37:03I'm being unfair?
00:37:06No, you're right.
00:37:09Just hard to hear sometimes.
00:37:12Look, either you tell me what's going on, or I'm out of here.
00:37:15Where are you gonna go?
00:37:17Down there.
00:37:19Not a great idea.
00:37:21Okay, well, down towards those towers.
00:37:25Good luck with that.
00:37:26They'll find you down there.
00:37:28Who?
00:37:31Can I ask you a question?
00:37:32Sure.
00:37:33You're my new best friend.
00:37:36Okay.
00:37:37Um, why no cell phones and Wi-Fi and normal stuff?
00:37:42Just how it's always been.
00:37:43It's our normal.
00:37:46Have you ever left this place?
00:37:48Sure I have.
00:37:50There's a big carnival I go to every year out on Highway 67.
00:37:53They got a big old gator.
00:37:55And this man, he always puts his head in the gator's mouth.
00:37:57But then I heard that the gator bit his head and squished it like a melon.
00:38:01It's really sad, because that was my favorite part.
00:38:04Not, not the head squishing part, but...
00:38:12Is that the prize you've got?
00:38:15Who wants to travel when you live in paradise?
00:38:17That's what Mama always says.
00:38:20I shouldn't be telling you this.
00:38:23You have to promise not to say anything to anyone ever.
00:38:29Who am I going to tell?
00:38:31Yeah, you're right.
00:38:33They started mining back in 1850.
00:38:37All up and down the river.
00:38:39The town was booming and money was flowing.
00:38:42And then people got greedy.
00:38:45In 1906, one mining group, they hit a very toxic substance.
00:38:51That was oozing out of the rock.
00:38:53And almost instantly, the miners started dying.
00:38:57At least that's what they thought.
00:39:00The boss saw something happen to the miners
00:39:03and instantly made a split decision to blow the only exit out.
00:39:10With the miners still inside?
00:39:12When they told the public that the miners were killed,
00:39:16the town was angry.
00:39:18And they were also scared about what was oozing out of the rock.
00:39:24Can you just tell me what happened to the sheriff?
00:39:26You young people are so impatient.
00:39:29I'm getting to it.
00:39:30Okay. Sorry.
00:39:33What nobody knew was they didn't die.
00:39:37And they would never die.
00:39:39They became the undead.
00:39:42And no one would have ever known.
00:39:46But in 1972, a rich developer from New York came here.
00:39:50And he wanted to build a gambling resort right here on the river.
00:39:53They went into the mine?
00:39:55When they broke through,
00:39:57several construction workers were attacked by the undead.
00:40:02How come no one knows about this?
00:40:04The developer had the mine sealed
00:40:07and demolished what work had been done and left.
00:40:11And the town,
00:40:12they acted like it never happened.
00:40:16So if the mine was patched up,
00:40:19then
00:40:20how did the sheriff turn?
00:40:23Every now and then.
00:40:24A few will find their way out.
00:40:27And you just live like this?
00:40:29Like it's normal?
00:40:31It is normal.
00:40:32To us.
00:40:36Look, you can't pretend like
00:40:37you weren't waiting for me naked.
00:40:41I wasn't waiting for you.
00:40:46You talking about Liz?
00:40:51You're a lesbian.
00:40:52Whoa.
00:40:53Easy with the labels, cowboy.
00:40:55I like boys.
00:40:56I just prefer kissing girls.
00:40:58Okay.
00:40:59It's like
00:41:00hot dogs and ice cream.
00:41:07It's soft and sweet
00:41:09and each pair of lips
00:41:10is like a different flavor
00:41:11of creamy awesomeness.
00:41:13But
00:41:14sometimes
00:41:14you just feel like a hot dog.
00:41:18Excuse me.
00:41:23And I wasn't flirting with you at dinner.
00:41:26I was amusing myself.
00:41:27Big difference.
00:41:31Whoa.
00:41:32I don't know.
00:41:36I don't know.
00:41:38We'll be in não Egypt.
00:41:38I don't know.
00:41:46I don't know.
00:41:50I don't know.
00:41:53on my shoulders, reach it and pull it down. What is it? Emergency supplies for nightlight tonight.
00:42:00You ready? I guess. Okay. All right. Ready? Okay. I'm ready. You go. How? Just throw a leg over.
00:42:12Yep. Watch the... Okay. Yep. Go. I don't know. You can do it. I can't. Oh god. Come on. You
00:42:18got it.
00:42:18I don't. I don't got it. I can't. I don't. Liz. Okay. Here. I got something.
00:42:36All right. If you stand on that, then climb on my shoulders, then reach the rope and then pull it
00:42:40down. You got it? All right. Here we go. All right. Get on. Ready? You know,
00:42:48Ready? Yep. If you stand on it, you can just reach it.
00:42:58Oh. Okay. All right. Spot me.
00:43:10Oh, yeah. Okay. What do we got? What's in there?
00:43:16Yeah. Zombie repellent. Never leave home without it.
00:43:25You did.
00:43:27I was in handcuffs.
00:43:29All right. All right. What else we got in here?
00:43:32Oh, yes. Moonshine.
00:43:37And how's that going to help?
00:43:39Have you ever had moonshine?
00:43:41No, I'm not a good drinker.
00:43:43Oh. A little bit of this and all your troubles melt away.
00:43:49All right. What else we got in here?
00:43:56I thought I had more, but I guess that's it.
00:44:01Great.
00:44:03Look, there's just no such thing as zombies.
00:44:07If you don't believe what you saw with your own lying eyes, I don't know what to tell you.
00:44:12All right. So, hypothetical. Let's say there are zombies.
00:44:17How many are there?
00:44:19Could be hundreds. They escape from the mines every now and then.
00:44:28She's not here. Maybe she hitched a ride out of town.
00:44:33No. Liz wouldn't just leave me here.
00:44:39Maybe. You don't know her as well as you think you do.
00:44:42I know everything about Liz. Okay.
00:44:47Any man that says they know everything about a girlfriend probably doesn't.
00:44:52How do you know?
00:44:54Because men are on a need-to-know basis.
00:44:59Well, that may be you, but that's not everybody.
00:45:02Everybody. When you find her, ask.
00:45:06I will.
00:45:07But don't go asking questions you don't want to know the answer to.
00:45:11All right. You don't want me to ask. That's what it is.
00:45:15You've been warned.
00:45:17All right. Well, prepare to be wronged-ed.
00:45:24What? No reply to that, Ellie Mae?
00:45:27I know where she might be.
00:45:29Where?
00:45:29Come on.
00:45:34So, what's the plan? We're just going to wait here?
00:45:37I am.
00:45:39There's two places we go when zombies are on the loose.
00:45:42The river, because zombies don't like water, and the old church.
00:45:47Because zombies don't like church?
00:45:50Hmm. They don't like our church.
00:45:53I have to get back to the house.
00:45:56I'm not leaving with sunrises. We don't know how many have escaped.
00:46:01So, we're just going to wait here?
00:46:03Listen, sweet pea. I've been running from zombies before you were born.
00:46:06Now, if there's one thing I know is that...
00:46:12Oh, my God.
00:46:15Oh, my God.
00:46:21Oh, my God, Jesus Christ.
00:46:40Die, zombie bitch.
00:46:46Looks like I got here just in time.
00:46:53Is that Carl?
00:46:56Maybe I could have got here a little sooner.
00:47:01Come on. Your boyfriend's looking for you.
00:47:05So, this stuff really works?
00:47:07Not for you.
00:47:09It was empty.
00:47:13Chad's going to flip when he finds out what I was doing tonight.
00:47:17He's searching for you right now.
00:47:21He knows I'm gone?
00:47:23He's been out with Ellie Mae all night looking for you.
00:47:27Oh.
00:47:30I know that look.
00:47:33Ellie Mae's not a threat.
00:47:39She's pretty and I'm sure a lot of fun.
00:47:42That's true.
00:47:44But Chad's not her type.
00:47:50He doesn't seem like your type either.
00:47:54Everybody says that, but...
00:47:57We just work together, like yin and yang.
00:48:02I bet he fills all your holes.
00:48:06What?
00:48:07Oh, not like that.
00:48:09It's a saying.
00:48:11You know, if someone feels your shortcomings and you feel theirs,
00:48:15you make each other better.
00:48:21He fills my holes.
00:48:26You didn't say where we're going.
00:48:30How'd you know Liz was the one you wanted to marry?
00:48:34I had this boyfriend once I was so in love with.
00:48:38I knew he was the one I was going to marry and have seven babies with.
00:48:42Seven?
00:48:42I mean, my aunt Susie had eight and it ruined her body, so seven's my limit.
00:48:48Anyway, every night he would drop me off and I would run upstairs and start planning our wedding.
00:48:54Every detail of it.
00:48:56My dress, the guest list, we were going to go on our honeymoon.
00:49:01It would have been perfect.
00:49:04What happened?
00:49:06He was walking home drunk one night on the tracks and got hit by a train.
00:49:12That's horrible.
00:49:13I thought so too.
00:49:15At first.
00:49:16And then I found out he was walking home from having sex with Jessica Penner.
00:49:21Well, he got what he deserved.
00:49:23Zombie deer, right?
00:49:25Turn it around! Turn it around!
00:49:29Took you long enough.
00:49:33We're going to church.
00:49:35What?
00:49:36You asked where we're going. Come on.
00:49:44Jesus.
00:49:49You religious?
00:49:59What's in the bag?
00:50:02Oh, it's Carl's emergency supplies.
00:50:05It's an empty can of zombie repellent and some of his moonshine.
00:50:11Really?
00:50:13Carl wasn't good for much but sleeping with other people's wives and making killer moonshine.
00:50:26Oh, that's what I'm talking about!
00:50:31Go on.
00:50:34It'll put some hair on your chest.
00:50:45Oh, wow.
00:50:52Oh!
00:50:54One more?
00:50:58I'm going to regret this.
00:51:00Moonshine regrets a whole different kind of regret.
00:51:02That's why we keep drinking it.
00:51:20I may have underestimated you, princess.
00:51:28Be a real shame. The zombie showed up right now.
00:51:31Stop!
00:51:34I'm trying to pee in peace.
00:51:38So what do you do for money?
00:51:42Uh, opening a restaurant.
00:51:44Oh, we have one of those here.
00:51:46It's called the Country Kitchen.
00:51:48It was called Jim's Country Kitchen, but then Jim murdered somebody and went to jail,
00:51:54so they took his name out.
00:51:58Mine's a tiki bar.
00:52:00What's that?
00:52:01It's like a Hawaiian, Polynesian-themed bar.
00:52:04Good music and fun decorations.
00:52:08Just classic escapism.
00:52:10That sounds fun.
00:52:12Yeah.
00:52:13Liz isn't too thrilled about it, though.
00:52:16She doesn't drink much.
00:52:18I never used to be a big drinker either.
00:52:21And then I started doing a lot, now I really like it.
00:52:25You know, Liz, she takes more than one sip and she gets really emotional.
00:52:31Then she throws up.
00:52:36I can't, I don't know if I can marry Chad.
00:52:42He's so wonderful.
00:52:44That's a good thing.
00:52:47That's a good thing, right?
00:52:48No.
00:52:50That's not good.
00:52:52It's great.
00:52:54Then what's the problem?
00:52:59My friends, they...
00:53:07They don't like him?
00:53:10I think they like him better.
00:53:14What makes you think that?
00:53:16They told me.
00:53:19That doesn't mean...
00:53:22That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you.
00:53:25It doesn't.
00:53:26You and me, we're the serious types.
00:53:31But we get shit done.
00:53:36But no one ever says thank you.
00:53:44You got that right.
00:53:52More zombies.
00:53:53I got it.
00:54:13Don't get too cocky.
00:54:14That's when they'll get you.
00:54:18You know...
00:54:21You're great and everything, but the fact that you don't have
00:54:24social media, like a Facebook or Instagram.
00:54:28I just don't think we're ever going to see each other again.
00:54:30You know?
00:54:33But, uh...
00:54:34I really hope you find your lose.
00:54:36You know?
00:54:38But I ain't lose a lose.
00:54:41Yeah.
00:54:42I meant more of like a significant other kind of thing.
00:54:47Yeah.
00:54:49I hope I do, too.
00:54:53Hear that?
00:55:06Liz!
00:55:07Liz!
00:55:08You need to get over here, big guy.
00:55:11Tell him.
00:55:25Are you okay?
00:55:27I'm scared.
00:55:30This is zombies.
00:55:32I saw him, too.
00:55:35I'm scared about getting married.
00:55:38I'm scared about having kids and buying a house and in the right school zone.
00:55:46And then what if we don't work and we have to worry about custody?
00:55:51And then in retirement?
00:55:54Do you know how much it costs to retire?
00:55:58In college?
00:55:59Oh, shit.
00:56:01We should probably just have one kid.
00:56:02Because that costs so much.
00:56:05And I want to be supportive of your tea bar.
00:56:08But do you know how many bar restaurants go under?
00:56:14It's staggering.
00:56:18Honey, I'm scared about all those things, too.
00:56:22Really?
00:56:23Yeah.
00:56:26Why aren't you freaking out?
00:56:27Why didn't you say anything?
00:56:32Because we'll have each other.
00:56:35I know that together we can do anything.
00:56:52Honey, what are you throwing up?
00:57:05My dress!
00:57:13Oh, thank God.
00:57:23Help.
00:57:31Liz!
00:58:03Oh, my God, my God, my God, my God, my God.
00:58:18I'm sorry, Liz.
00:58:21You'll find another even better wedding dress.
00:58:26Oh, no. Did you lose your ring?
00:58:32I'll find it.
00:58:34Wait.
00:58:37It's at Mrs. Powell's house.
00:58:40Are you sure?
00:58:43It's on the side table.
00:58:47So, what do you want to do?
00:58:51We're going to go get it.
00:58:54Okay. Bye.
00:58:55Bye.
00:58:56Bye.
00:59:04Bye.
00:59:07Bye.
00:59:33It's not here.
00:59:35What do you mean it's not there?
00:59:36It's not here.
00:59:37Where is it going to be?
00:59:40I always put my ring on the nightstand when I take a shower.
00:59:46Okay, uh, that's just your steps.
00:59:49What's the last thing you remember?
00:59:51I heard Mrs. Powell outside.
00:59:54I think she was dragging a body and cutting it up in the basement.
00:59:58A body?
00:59:59Why would you be cutting up a body?
01:00:02Oh, fuck.
01:00:04You broke the house rules.
01:00:07I said lights out at nine.
01:00:12I think you actually said ten.
01:00:23You shouldn't have come back for your ring.
01:00:25I was getting worried that my little Jimmy wouldn't have enough to eat this week.
01:00:30But God brought you back to us.
01:00:33I fed him a few hours ago.
01:00:36But you already know that.
01:00:39Jimmy was my youngest and was turned when he was only 17.
01:00:43The sheriff found him and brought him back to me.
01:00:46It may be a few hours.
01:00:48But when he's hungry, he'll come for you.
01:00:54One more thing.
01:00:58In my basement, no one can hear you scream.
01:01:27You know, if I'm gonna die,
01:01:31there's no one I'd rather die with than you.
01:01:34Aw.
01:01:40Jack, please do something.
01:01:42I can't do anything with these.
01:01:46I have an idea.
01:01:48What?
01:01:48It's gross.
01:01:50We have to spit on them.
01:01:53Okay.
01:01:54All right.
01:01:59We have to spit on them.
01:02:01We have to spit on them.
01:02:07We have to spit on them.
01:02:12We have to spit on them.
01:02:14We have to spit on them.
01:02:15We have to spit on them.
01:02:16We have to spit on them.
01:02:16We have to spit on them.
01:02:16We have to spit on them.
01:02:21We have to spit on them.
01:02:44Not again.
01:02:54It's empty.
01:03:04What?
01:03:08Zombies are crippled by hairspray?
01:03:14Liz, I think we're being played.
01:03:17Why?
01:03:20For their own personal amusement.
01:03:23Why would anyone do that?
01:03:27I don't know, but we're going to find out.
01:03:44Hey!
01:03:47Can I help you?
01:03:48I want to talk with Tommy.
01:03:50Who?
01:03:51Tommy, the girl who works here?
01:03:54I'm the only one who works here.
01:03:56Well, she was working here yesterday.
01:03:59You must be thinking of someplace else.
01:04:09Hey.
01:04:11Hey.
01:04:14Hey.
01:04:19What the hell?
01:04:21How?
01:04:22Come on.
01:04:27Marceo.
01:04:29Wow.
01:04:31A nice building.
01:04:32Give me the keys.
01:04:34How?
01:04:37Where are you going?
01:04:38Going to get some answers.
01:04:40Come on.
01:04:41What?
01:04:44How do you walk so fast?
01:04:52Please.
01:04:53We can just walk into the house.
01:04:55Why?
01:04:55What's going to happen?
01:04:56I'm going to be arrested by a sheriff that doesn't exist?
01:05:00Wait.
01:05:01Wait.
01:05:01Wait.
01:05:02What?
01:05:03Okay.
01:05:04All I'm saying is that we should just be polite and just ask someone to happen.
01:05:11Are you insane?
01:05:17Liz, why are you so mad?
01:05:26What day is it?
01:05:30Sunday.
01:05:32And what time?
01:05:3810.37.
01:05:42And that doesn't mean anything to you.
01:05:47Are you hungry?
01:05:51I don't know.
01:05:53That's the problem.
01:05:54We missed our own wedding.
01:06:01But Liz, it's just the two of us.
01:06:05We can get married anytime we want.
01:06:08That's not the point.
01:06:10You didn't even remember.
01:06:19I mean, to be fair, there were zombies.
01:06:25I just want to go home.
01:06:35I just want to go home.
01:06:40What the fuck?
01:06:41When we were down by the river and you were being eaten by the zombie and I saved her,
01:06:45she was on the ground.
01:06:47Yeah.
01:06:48That's Carl.
01:06:49Are they making fun of us?
01:06:50And I'm chewing the tobacco and I see her eye on a moment and I said, help yourself.
01:07:06Oh, hi.
01:07:10Huh.
01:07:12You people are horrible.
01:07:16Is this your idea of fun?
01:07:19Scaring people for sport?
01:07:24Chad, do something.
01:07:26What do you want me to do?
01:07:31Liz.
01:07:36I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your experience, but this is what you pay for.
01:07:47Liz, I don't know why you're so upset.
01:07:50I thought we did a really good job.
01:07:53You're all crazy!
01:08:00I know the site says no refunds, but if you're this unhappy, I'll go talk to everyone and see what
01:08:06we can do.
01:08:10What the fuck are you talking about?
01:08:13Charles and Elsie, extreme zombie experience. Booked and paid three months ago.
01:08:19That's not even the same names.
01:08:21They're not that far off.
01:08:24Well, if you aren't Charles and Elsie, where are they?
01:08:29Hey, it's just a girl from work.
01:08:32Nobody from work sends me nudes.
01:08:34This has never happened before.
01:08:37Do you even work at the garage?
01:08:38What happened to all your tattoos?
01:08:41No.
01:08:42They were fake.
01:08:44My real name is Mary Elizabeth.
01:08:46I own the bakery on Main Street.
01:08:50Thomas is the morning radio guy over at WGLC.
01:08:54All country, all day.
01:08:56100.1 WGLC.
01:09:00Richard is the city attorney.
01:09:03Liz is a lovely girl, by the way.
01:09:06Mrs. Powell is actually Mrs. Powell.
01:09:09I can never remember my fake name.
01:09:11And Barry was the sheriff.
01:09:13He owns the sawmill down by the river.
01:09:16Liz speaks very highly of you.
01:09:19So you're all just actors?
01:09:22Yeah.
01:09:27Okay.
01:09:29Where are you going?
01:09:33We missed our wedding this morning.
01:09:37And it's all my fault.
01:09:38It doesn't even matter because it's too late.
01:09:43So thanks.
01:09:45Hold on there, son.
01:09:47It's never too late.
01:09:49This little hiccup shouldn't stop you from getting married.
01:09:53Look, I think things are a bit beyond repair at this point.
01:09:57You guys don't understand.
01:09:58Liz is perfect, right?
01:10:00She's smart.
01:10:01She's funny.
01:10:01She bought a bass guitar.
01:10:03She doesn't play bass, but she's going to learn.
01:10:05She writes handwritten birthday cards for people on their birthdays.
01:10:11Who does that?
01:10:13That's a really nice thing to do.
01:10:15I don't know what I am.
01:10:17Liz was my one in a million, right?
01:10:21And I blew it.
01:10:23I have never seen her look at me the way that she did this morning.
01:10:27I disappointed her in literally the worst way possible.
01:10:33Chadwick Allen Weber.
01:10:37There's no one on the planet I would rather marry than you.
01:10:43This girl loves you a lot.
01:10:48You find the good in everyone, in every situation.
01:10:52I bet you're even starting to like these people.
01:10:56I mean, uh...
01:10:58You know that Clement has his own radio show?
01:11:00Did you think?
01:11:00100.1.
01:11:02All country.
01:11:04All day.
01:11:05Yeah.
01:11:08You're going to make a great husband and an amazing father.
01:11:13I'd marry you anytime, anywhere.
01:11:17Because there's nothing we can't do together.
01:11:19Right?
01:11:20You know, if you guys still want to get married today, we can make that happen, right?
01:11:27My dress got ruined.
01:11:31Gus went a little overboard out of the old church.
01:11:35We can find you a dress.
01:11:38Really?
01:11:40I suggest you get up there and give her a kiss before she changes her mind.
01:11:49Looks like we've got some work to do here.
01:11:53You may be seated.
01:12:18You may be seated.
01:12:24Howdy, folks.
01:12:26Howdy, Dan.
01:12:27We're here today to marry Elizabeth Marie Gamble and Chadwick Allen Weber.
01:12:35Although new to our town, an unfortunate misunderstanding has led to a shotgun wedding, unlike others we've had.
01:12:43No offense, Sarah and Mike.
01:12:46We're going to keep this short so we can get to the food.
01:12:49Chad, do you take Elizabeth to be your wife?
01:12:53I do.
01:12:55And Elizabeth, do you take Chad to be your husband?
01:13:00I do.
01:13:01If anyone can show just cause why Chad and Liz may not be lawfully wed, speak now or forever hold
01:13:11your peace.
01:13:21Larry?
01:13:23It's over.
01:13:24Don't you check your phone?
01:13:36Sorry.
01:13:37My phone is dead.
01:13:38Sit down, Larry.
01:13:43Sit down, Larry.
01:13:48Now we'll get to the good stuff.
01:13:49I signed my name on a dotted line and it was good, good, good.
01:13:57The cows got milk at supper time and it was good, good, good.
01:14:05The moon twinkled high in the southern sky and it was good, good, good.
01:14:15Now the honeymoon's over, it just up and died, but it was good, good, good.
01:14:22All the good times and the bad, the best times I ever had.
01:14:32The choice between happy and sad, all the good times and the bad, bad, bad.
01:14:42Liz.
01:14:44She gets a little cranky.
01:14:48Sorry.
01:14:49Late afternoon.
01:14:51Oh, it's really coming down.
01:14:54Okay.
01:14:55Who's their hot table?
01:14:56Jane.
01:14:59She writes handwritten birthday cards for people on their birthdays.
01:15:04Who does that?
01:15:05She was my wolf.
01:15:07Fuck it.
01:15:08Is this your idea?
01:15:17I suggest you go up there and give her a kiss before she changes to it.
01:15:20And then they steadily roll over the fucking place.
01:15:22Sorry, mosquito.
01:15:24All right.
01:15:24All right.
01:15:25You're choking me a little bit.
01:15:26I'm sorry.
01:15:30That's too good.
01:15:32Sorry.
01:15:33Mosquito.
01:15:35What?
01:15:35What?
01:15:36Every Thursday, the tables get out.
01:15:39Nope.
01:15:39They don't.
01:15:40They don't get out.
01:15:41Every Thursday.
01:15:44But when you get there, it's just a big bunch.
01:15:47Oh my God.
01:15:50And when you get there, it's...
01:15:51So take her back the line.
01:15:52Yeah.
01:15:57Get out of here with...
01:16:02Stop...
01:16:06The Devil...
01:16:10It's soft and sweet.
01:16:11And every pair of lips is a different color flavor.
01:16:16No, it's not.
01:16:18And this man, he always puts his head in the gator's mouth.
01:16:20But then I think...
01:16:22No.
01:16:22No.
01:16:25What?
01:16:26No.
01:16:27Okay.
01:16:28Why?
01:16:31I'm sorry.
01:16:34What the fuck?
01:16:38Honey, what are you talking about?
01:16:40Come on.
01:16:42And I want to be supportive of your tiki bar.
01:16:46I don't know.
01:17:03Hello?
01:17:06Is it over?
01:17:10Are we done?
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