- 6 hours ago
Zombie Repellent [Full Movie] [Full Story]Full EP - Full
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:21so the plan was to sneak off and get married in Vegas the whole thing was
00:00:25ruined by zombies yeah freaking zombies thank you can you come in with me next
00:00:39time why because the dude in line behind me is hitting on me why do I always get
00:00:45hit on at gas stations honey you're irresistible there he is what who the
00:00:54hell is Jasmine Jasmine can't wait to see you again when are you going to invite
00:01:00me don't you don't need to keep reading that I can't wait to spend the whole
00:01:03weekend with you hey hey it's just a girl from work nobody from work sends me
00:01:08notes hmm good dude needs a better phone password I guess
00:01:28how much longer are we going to do this okay I get it back roads are the heart of America
00:01:35but how much corn do we need to see this this is the road less traveled right yeah we're gonna
00:01:41make
00:01:41it to Vegas on time but if we just took the main highway how memorable would that be
00:01:49after eight years of therapy this should be nothing but it's our wedding I love you
00:01:58don't I love you
00:02:20oh come on gravel this is gonna shave an hour of trip
00:02:30huh I want it
00:02:41we're getting married tomorrow yeah we are and we're cutting it pretty close
00:02:49you know this is gonna make a great story one day
00:02:59huh
00:02:59huh
00:03:00huh
00:03:02huh
00:03:03huh
00:03:06huh
00:03:10huh
00:03:18that's not good
00:03:52Where are you going?
00:03:58Liz.
00:04:01It's a minor delay.
00:04:05Baby, you need to relax.
00:04:08Hey.
00:04:18Baby, it's my job to make you happy.
00:04:22Right?
00:04:24I'll tell you what.
00:04:26From this moment on, for the rest of our lives,
00:04:29whether it's this route or that route,
00:04:32it's your call.
00:04:33I'll tell you what.
00:04:36Just to show you, I can change.
00:04:39You get to decide where we eat for the whole trip.
00:04:44Yeah?
00:04:46You good?
00:04:49All right.
00:04:54Hey, Chad.
00:04:55Yeah?
00:04:57Where's the car?
00:05:04Huh.
00:05:12Babe.
00:05:13I don't want to talk about it.
00:05:17Just gotta look on the bright side, alright?
00:05:20What is the bright side of my wedding dress being stolen?
00:05:23I'm sure it's just a big misunderstanding.
00:05:26These things always have a way of working themselves out.
00:05:29I don't want to talk about it.
00:05:44You guys need a ride?
00:05:46Um, no.
00:05:49We're good.
00:05:51Our car was stolen.
00:05:53Around here?
00:05:54Not likely.
00:06:00Where'd you leave it?
00:06:01Um, over by the gravel road.
00:06:05Down that way.
00:06:07And it just vanished?
00:06:12Well, just sitting around here,
00:06:14Buck probably came out and hitched it up.
00:06:17Hop in and I'll take you to it.
00:06:19That's okay.
00:06:20If you can just point us in the right direction,
00:06:21we can walk.
00:06:25What are you doing?
00:06:28You can walk.
00:06:30Nice.
00:06:31I'm gonna hop in the back and keep Susie company.
00:06:37Well...
00:06:39I mean, why can't I ride up front with you guys?
00:06:43I keep my elbow room.
00:06:46In the back?
00:06:56There's no handle.
00:06:58Up over?
00:07:00Tis-
00:07:01Tis-
00:07:03Tis-
00:07:05Tis-
00:07:07Tis-
00:07:07Tis-
00:07:08Tis-
00:07:20You're not gonna hop!
00:07:24help yourself oh no thanks i'm trying to quit i know the struggle i've been trying to quit pretty
00:07:32ladies what are you doing way out here for my fiancee wanted to take the scenic route
00:07:43well plenty of that around here where are you heading vegas we're eloping what
00:07:51pretty gal like you you deserve a proper wedding like a fancy one with 400 pound pig roasting
00:07:59over an open pit moonshine and a band with banjo and mandolin gotta have the banjo
00:08:09don't let me go by with anything less you don't want to go marry a guy who won't put your
00:08:15number one
00:08:18well actually the vegas thing was kind of my idea
00:08:27well ain't you an easy going sort of gal
00:08:34susie
00:08:51Come here.
00:09:08Tell me a chick, are you?
00:09:09She's the best mechanic in the area.
00:09:12Sup, Clem?
00:09:13Breaking arts as usual.
00:09:15You know it.
00:09:16Found these two up off of 51.
00:09:21That's my car.
00:09:23Don't cream your jeans, sweetheart.
00:09:25It's a Nissan.
00:09:27We'll see you, Missy.
00:09:28Good luck.
00:09:35Uh...
00:09:36Liz?
00:09:43How much stuff has been?
00:09:46What about my phone?
00:09:48Everything.
00:09:49Relax, princess.
00:09:52The sheriff has it.
00:09:53Why?
00:09:55So nothing goes missing.
00:09:57And it gives him a chance to go through all your stuff.
00:10:00Make sure you're not up to no good.
00:10:03He can't do that.
00:10:05I'll let you be the one to tell him that.
00:10:08And you, you degenerate.
00:10:10Your battery's dead as a doornail, boss.
00:10:13Oh.
00:10:14That it?
00:10:15Nope.
00:10:18Do you have a phone I can use?
00:10:20Inside.
00:10:31Devil Hill switchboard, how may I direct your call?
00:10:35Um...
00:10:36I'm at the garage and Tommy said I could use the phone.
00:10:39No problem.
00:10:41Who would you like to be connected with?
00:10:42New York.
00:10:43The number is...
00:10:44Sorry, honey.
00:10:45This switchboard can only connect you with people in our town.
00:10:50Okay.
00:10:51How do I call outside the town?
00:10:53You can't.
00:10:54Thank you for calling.
00:11:09So now I'm not live within a hundred feet I've been querying.
00:11:12How?
00:11:12The phone only works for people in this town.
00:11:16I could have told you that.
00:11:18Where's the sheriff's office?
00:11:20Go to the end of my building.
00:11:22Turn left.
00:11:23Look up.
00:11:23You'll see it.
00:11:25Good. I'll use my own phone.
00:11:27Not in this town.
00:11:30Why not?
00:11:31What?
00:11:31The council has a no tech policy.
00:11:35No cell phones, computers.
00:11:38It's a bit extreme.
00:11:40It's the way we like it.
00:11:44Can you fix the car?
00:11:46Easy.
00:11:47Good.
00:11:48Should be ready by tomorrow afternoon.
00:11:51We can't stay here.
00:11:53That's true.
00:11:55No motels.
00:11:58Huh.
00:12:01You could try Mrs. Powell's up on First and Devil's Hill.
00:12:05She takes in strays once in a while.
00:12:11Strays.
00:12:15She gets a little upset sometimes.
00:12:19Are we ready in the morning?
00:12:21Late afternoon.
00:12:24Okay.
00:12:26Thanks.
00:12:33Babe.
00:12:35Where are you going?
00:12:37I'm going to get my phone, my dress, and go home.
00:12:42Don't you think you're overreacting?
00:12:47Just, just like a little bit.
00:12:49I'm not overreacting.
00:12:52The whole point of this trip was so that we didn't have to deal with the stress of a big
00:12:56wedding.
00:12:57And this has been nothing but stressful!
00:13:09Perfect.
00:13:10What is it?
00:13:18Be back tomorrow at 9am.
00:13:21Huh.
00:13:25Chadwick?
00:13:26Alan Webber?
00:13:29Fix this!
00:13:37Babe?
00:13:39Babe?
00:13:52Seems nice.
00:13:57Right.
00:14:15We've been expecting you.
00:14:18Oh, they must have called you and told you about our car.
00:14:21Yeah, Tommy said...
00:14:25I will allow you to stay one night.
00:14:27Providing you follow the house rules.
00:14:32Sure.
00:14:34Enter.
00:14:50It's a drafty house.
00:14:53If you're not married, you'll stay in separate rooms.
00:14:57Oh, we're actually engaged.
00:15:00Separate rooms.
00:15:03That's fine.
00:15:05Dinner will be served at 7pm sharp.
00:15:08Lights out at 10pm.
00:15:10And I need your rooms returned like you found them at 9am.
00:15:17How much do we owe you?
00:15:18I will not accept money for my hospitality.
00:15:23It's really no big deal.
00:15:24No!
00:15:27My daughter, Ellie May, will show you to your rooms.
00:15:38I need your toilet time.
00:15:42Hi.
00:15:43I'm Ellie May.
00:15:45You can call me Ellie.
00:15:47Hi, Ellie.
00:15:48What?
00:15:50I'm Liz and this is my fiance, Chad.
00:15:55We don't get many visitors around here.
00:15:57At least, none that stay very long.
00:16:02Come on up.
00:16:10What?
00:16:17In there?
00:16:17No, hun.
00:16:18You're in there.
00:16:20There's towels on the bed if you want to freshen up.
00:16:23Thanks.
00:16:26You'll be in there.
00:16:29And in case you're wondering,
00:16:31my rooms are right above yours.
00:16:34See you at dinner.
00:16:42What?
00:16:45Liz.
00:16:56We have to go.
00:17:00We have to go.
00:17:01It is really nice.
00:17:02We have to sleep.
00:17:05We have to sleep.
00:17:10We can sleep.
00:17:16We have to sleep in a hospital.
00:17:18Oh, hello.
00:17:18We have to sleep.
00:17:20You have to sleep.
00:17:21We have to sleep.
00:17:22This time we are going to sleep in a morning.
00:17:32Would you like to give thanks before we eat?
00:17:37Uh, no thanks.
00:17:39You can go ahead.
00:17:44I think Chavs would love to, wouldn't you?
00:17:56Oh my god, please bless this meal and give us the strength to say no to the devil and please
00:18:12stop Satan from corrupting our minds.
00:18:19Let us all ask what would Jesus do if he was here at this table with us.
00:18:25Just let us all make good choices and get home safe.
00:18:46Squirrels in the basement.
00:18:47Squirrels.
00:18:49Squirrels?
00:18:51Please help yourself.
00:18:55Oh, um, that looks really delicious.
00:19:01Um, but I'm actually a vegetarian.
00:19:05How disappointing.
00:19:07More for us.
00:19:15Please.
00:19:19Please.
00:19:22Please.
00:19:28Why'd you keep pajamas?
00:19:30They were just in my bed.
00:19:33Why'd you keep pajamas?
00:19:37I think we should leave.
00:19:39What?
00:19:42I think we should leave.
00:19:45I think we should leave.
00:19:45I can't understand you.
00:19:47Yeah.
00:19:50What?
00:19:51I think we should leave.
00:19:55I'm going to go where?
00:19:58Baby, I know it's creepy, but let's just spend the night here, and then first thing in the
00:20:04morning we'll leave.
00:20:07Something's not right here.
00:20:10Nothing's right here.
00:20:14Look, I'm one door down, okay?
00:20:18Nothing's gonna happen, you trust me, right?
00:20:29I trust you will honor the house rules until tomorrow.
00:20:35Yes, ma'am.
00:20:37Yeah, I mean, oh, I wasn't trying to sneak around to have sex or anything.
00:20:43We've had plenty of sex.
00:20:46Inside, outside, we've done it.
00:20:49In a plane, but we got caught.
00:20:52And so I just wouldn't even try that here.
00:20:55I mean, she's pretty tired of all the sexing from earlier.
00:21:01So I think we're just going to be doing some sleeping.
00:21:04Right?
00:21:05Yeah.
00:21:05So no sexing, just sleeping.
00:21:08If anything, I'll be flying solo tonight.
00:21:10Stop talking.
00:21:11I'm going to stop talking now.
00:21:13Good night.
00:21:18Good night.
00:21:20Good night.
00:21:22I don't know.
00:21:52I don't know.
00:22:26I don't know.
00:23:15I don't know.
00:23:29I don't know.
00:23:29Oh my God, are you naked?
00:23:31I don't know how you like it.
00:23:35Wait, wait.
00:23:35Wait.
00:23:37What are you doing here?
00:23:39I could ask you the same thing.
00:23:41It's against house rules.
00:23:42Mother's not going to be very happy.
00:23:44What did she do with this?
00:23:45Nothing.
00:23:45She was already gone.
00:23:48Shit.
00:23:49Where'd she go?
00:23:50She went out the front door.
00:23:52I don't think she wanted to stay here tonight.
00:23:56Where would she have gone?
00:23:59There's only a few places in town that are even open.
00:24:03You could go look.
00:24:05Okay.
00:24:07Maybe downstairs in ten minutes.
00:24:10And put some clothes on.
00:24:12I'm engaged.
00:24:38Ma'am.
00:24:41It looks like we got a peeping Betty caught in the act out at the pall place.
00:24:45No.
00:24:45No.
00:24:46I'm staying here.
00:24:47Up there.
00:24:48I came down because I heard something.
00:24:51You heard?
00:24:51You heard a noise.
00:24:54What did it sound like?
00:25:00It was just a sound.
00:25:05Was it like a...
00:25:07Help me!
00:25:11Sound?
00:25:13Um...
00:25:15No.
00:25:17It was a dragging sound.
00:25:20It was Mrs. Powell.
00:25:25Cancel that peeping Betty.
00:25:27Copy that, Sheriff.
00:25:29I think you'd better come with me.
00:25:31What?
00:25:32I didn't do anything.
00:25:33No.
00:25:34You're not in any trouble.
00:25:35I just thought you might like your phones in that pretty wedding dress bag.
00:25:39Oh.
00:25:40Great.
00:25:41I'll...
00:25:41I'll get my fiancé.
00:25:43Uh, uh...
00:25:44You know, on second thought, uh...
00:25:46I don't have a lot of time.
00:25:47Why don't you come to the station tomorrow and I'll give them to you.
00:25:49Around four o'clock.
00:25:51But the sign on your door said you'd be in early.
00:25:54I was.
00:25:55But I got crazy Carl in the back seat and I gotta get him to the county jail tonight.
00:26:05Can I go like this?
00:26:07Oh, sure.
00:26:08It'll only take about 15 minutes.
00:26:11Okay.
00:26:14Let's go.
00:26:15Let's go.
00:26:22Ellie.
00:26:31Ellie.
00:26:32Ellie Mae.
00:26:40You sure are jumpy.
00:26:43What's the plan?
00:26:44We'll walk into town and ask if anybody's seen you.
00:26:48Walk?
00:26:49I don't drive.
00:26:52None of the townspeople seem to like me.
00:26:55They don't like any strangers.
00:26:57But you're with me. Nothing's gonna happen.
00:27:03That's Crazy Carl.
00:27:07Hi.
00:27:08Pleasure to meet you.
00:27:10Carl makes the best moonshine in the whole state.
00:27:14Is it legal to make moonshine here?
00:27:18Nope.
00:27:19Hell no.
00:27:21Oh, is that why you're going to jail?
00:27:24Well, Carl made the mistake of sleeping with the mayor's wife.
00:27:28No crime in that.
00:27:30But when the judge found out that he was sleeping with his wife, too,
00:27:34he threw the book at him.
00:27:36Literally.
00:27:37Almost took out my eye.
00:27:39Well, that's what you get for sleeping around, Carl.
00:27:43Maybe try getting a girlfriend?
00:27:47Old Carl's not the boyfriend type.
00:27:56You like fried pickles?
00:27:58I don't know if I've ever had fried pickles.
00:28:01Shut up!
00:28:02How?
00:28:02Vinegar pie?
00:28:04No.
00:28:04Chitlins?
00:28:06Goat stew?
00:28:07Slug burger?
00:28:10I think you're making things up, man.
00:28:12Thank you for Mars.
00:28:16So, how'd you meet your girlfriend?
00:28:19I was visiting Los Angeles looking at post-grad schools,
00:28:23and he was assigned to give me the campus tour.
00:28:26Love at first sight.
00:28:29Hardly.
00:28:29He was unfocused and completely scatterbrained.
00:28:34He didn't say one thing that was substantial.
00:28:38And then, at the end of the day, he looks at me and says,
00:28:40Liz, you're very wound up, and you're too serious.
00:28:47He did not.
00:28:49The nerve.
00:28:50The nerve.
00:28:50Oh, and then he asked me if I wanted to go watch the sunset with him.
00:28:55The nerve?
00:28:56How presumptuous.
00:28:58Right?
00:28:59A little bit of that Chad swagger.
00:29:02She finally agreed.
00:29:04You charmer.
00:29:06Well, Liz is like this little tightly wound ball of perfection.
00:29:11But, uh, all of her best qualities are sort of her little imperfections.
00:29:16Oh, and you're a romantic.
00:29:19He's a romantic.
00:29:21You know what he got me for our first anniversary?
00:29:24A spa package with Senate oils included?
00:29:27A diamond ring.
00:29:30Tennis shoes and a t-shirt.
00:29:31I didn't know neither.
00:29:38Liz, I'm gonna run in and grab your stuff.
00:29:41Carol, you being nice if she's spoken for?
00:29:55Liz, you're a lucky girl.
00:29:58Thanks, Carl.
00:30:02Any chance you can help me get out of these cuffs?
00:30:06The keys are on the keychain.
00:30:11That's not gonna happen.
00:30:22Hi, Sarah. Can I get three grave makers?
00:30:24You got it, Ellie.
00:30:37Huh.
00:30:40What's taking so long?
00:30:43Maybe you had to drop a deuce.
00:30:54Oh, shit! They got him!
00:30:59Liz, don't leave me!
00:31:01Please!
00:31:10Run!
00:31:12Move it!
00:31:16Run!
00:31:22Thanks, Sarah.
00:31:26You like dancing?
00:31:29We love dancing.
00:31:31Every Thursday they clear out the tables and it's a big dance floor.
00:31:34With a disco ball.
00:31:36With a disco ball.
00:31:38Disco ball?
00:31:46Drink up, city boy.
00:31:50I'm trying to find Liz.
00:31:52Eh.
00:31:52That's right.
00:31:54Liz disappeared.
00:31:56That girl is wound so tight.
00:31:58Might have imploded.
00:32:01Look.
00:32:02You guys don't know Liz like I do.
00:32:06He's a romantic.
00:32:08Have you seen her?
00:32:10I love this song! Let's dance!
00:32:14Now?
00:32:14She was asking me.
00:32:30Hi.
00:32:32You shouldn't be here.
00:32:34It's not safe.
00:32:37This whole place is cursed.
00:32:40What?
00:32:42Get out while you can.
00:32:44They'll come for you.
00:32:46They'll come.
00:32:48For you.
00:32:51Who?
00:32:57What is this?
00:33:03Is that a secret?
00:33:11Dude, what are you on?
00:33:13Come on, Larry.
00:33:13Let's not scare the customers.
00:33:15I do.
00:33:24Don't listen to him.
00:33:25He wears aluminum foil over his underwear.
00:33:28What?
00:33:29He said a UFO took him when he was little.
00:33:31And when they brought him back he was clairvoyant.
00:33:34But I don't know why clairvoyant would come here every night and get drunk.
00:33:40I need to find Liz.
00:33:46Hold up.
00:33:47Hold up.
00:33:51I can't believe they got the sheriff.
00:33:54What the hell is going on?
00:33:55They got him.
00:33:57They got him.
00:33:58Who?
00:33:59Zombies are fucking zombies, Liz.
00:34:04No.
00:34:06No, maybe he just got burned.
00:34:08This is bad.
00:34:11If there's one, there's more.
00:34:12And they'll be coming for us.
00:34:15Zombies aren't real.
00:34:17Why?
00:34:18Because you never saw one.
00:34:19Liz, help me get out of these cuffs.
00:34:22How?
00:34:23Come here.
00:34:23Come here.
00:34:27Spit on my arm and my wrists.
00:34:33Ew, no.
00:34:34How?
00:34:34We don't have time.
00:34:35Liz, spit.
00:34:37Lubrication.
00:34:38I can't protect you with these on.
00:34:41Spit.
00:34:42Okay.
00:34:43Oh, God.
00:34:46No.
00:34:48What?
00:34:49Nothing.
00:34:50I got a gang reflex to spit.
00:34:52Just keep on.
00:34:53Go, go, go, go.
00:35:01Again.
00:35:06A few more.
00:35:14Almost there.
00:35:24So gross.
00:35:30Run.
00:35:34It'd be cute if they had those little umbrellas for the drinks.
00:35:37You think?
00:35:40okay look this has been this has been a really good time
00:35:46i need to find my fiance i haven't seen her if she left the house and just started walking
00:35:53she could be anywhere did you check down by the river that's a great idea i didn't think that
00:36:01what's down by the river the river silly okay well why would someone go down to the river
00:36:08it's the closest lit up thing to the house looks like you're walking towards something
00:36:12but when you get there it's just a bunch of big empty buildings and lots
00:36:16okay so let's go back cutie
00:36:23my car's gonna be ready tomorrow right might be ready sooner than i thought
00:36:32will you please tell me what's going on i've got a plan
00:36:37we'll wait for the barge we'll swim out and we'll ride it down a few hundred miles
00:36:44what no i need to find chad and and what happened to the sheriff i told you he's a zombie
00:36:51there must have been one hiding in the police station everyone in this town is crazy i don't
00:36:59think that's a very fair statement you've only met a few of us i'm being unfair
00:37:06no you're right just hard to hear sometimes look either you tell me what's going on or i'm out of
00:37:15here where are you gonna go down there not a great idea okay well down towards those towers
00:37:25good luck with that they'll find you down there who can i ask you a question sure you're my new
00:37:34best
00:37:34friend okay um why no cell phones and wi-fi and normal stuff just how it's always been it's our
00:37:44normal
00:37:46have you ever left this place sure i have there's a big carnival i go to every year out on
00:37:52highway 67
00:37:53they got a big old gator and this man he always puts his head in the gator's mouth but then
00:37:58i heard
00:37:58that the gator bit his head and squished it like a melon it's really sad because that was my favorite
00:38:03part
00:38:04not not not the head squishing pork but
00:38:12that the prize you've got who wants to travel when you live in paradise that's what mama always says
00:38:20i shouldn't be telling you this you have to promise not to say anything to anyone ever
00:38:29who am i gonna tell yeah you're right they started mining back in 1850
00:38:37all up and down the river the town was booming and money was flowing and then people got greedy
00:38:45in 1906 one mining group they hit a very toxic substance that was oozing out of the rock
00:38:53and almost instantly the miners started dying at least that's what they thought
00:39:00the boss saw something happen to the miners and instantly made a split decision to blow the only exit
00:39:08out with the miners still inside when they told the public that the miners were killed the town was angry
00:39:18and they were also scared about what was oozing out of the rock
00:39:24can you just tell me what happened to the sheriff
00:39:26you young people are so impatient i'm getting to it okay sorry
00:39:33what nobody knew was they didn't die and they would never die they became the undead
00:39:42and no one would have ever known but in 1972 a rich developer from new york came here and he
00:39:51wanted
00:39:51to build a gambling resort right here on the river they went into the mine when they broke through
00:39:57several construction workers were attacked by the undead
00:40:02how come no one knows about this the developer had the mine sealed and demolished what work had
00:40:09been done and left and the town they acted like it never happened
00:40:16so if the mine was patched up then how did the sheriff turn every now and then
00:40:24a few will find their way out and you just live like this like it's normal it is normal toss
00:40:36look you can't pretend like you weren't waiting for me naked
00:40:41i wasn't waiting for you
00:40:46you're talking about liz
00:40:51you're a lesbian whoa easy with the labels cowboy i like boys i just prefer kissing girls
00:40:59okay it's like hot dogs and ice cream
00:41:04what okay like kissing a girl is like ice cream it's soft and sweet and each pair of lips is
00:41:10like a
00:41:10different flavor of creamy awesomeness but sometimes you just feel like a hot dog
00:41:18it's like a hot dog
00:41:19excuse me
00:41:23and i wasn't flirting with you at dinner i was amusing myself big difference
00:41:31oh
00:41:37wait
00:41:44okay i need you to do me a favor you see that rope hanging down yeah yep all right i
00:41:52need you to
00:41:52stand on my shoulders reach it and pull it down what is it emergency supplies for a nightlight tonight
00:42:00you ready i guess okay all right ready okay i'm ready you go how just just throw a leg over
00:42:11yeah watch the okay yeah go i don't know you can do it i can't oh god come on you
00:42:18got it you got
00:42:19i don't i don't got it i can't i don't know liz okay uh here i got something
00:42:36all right if you stand on that then climb on my shoulders then reach the rope and then pull it
00:42:40down
00:42:41down you got it all right here we go all right yeah ready you know ready yep if you stand
00:42:51on it
00:42:54you can just reach it
00:42:58oh okay all right spot me
00:43:10oh yeah
00:43:13okay what do we got what's in there
00:43:20zombie repellent never leave home without it
00:43:25you did
00:43:27i was in handcuffs
00:43:29all right what else we got in here
00:43:32oh yes moonshine
00:43:37and how's that gonna help have you ever had moonshine
00:43:41no i'm not a good drinker a little bit of this and all your troubles melt away
00:43:49all right what else we got in here
00:43:56i thought i had more but
00:43:59guess that's it
00:44:01great
00:44:04look there's just no such thing as zombies
00:44:07if you don't believe what you saw with your own lying eyes i don't know what to tell you
00:44:12all right so hypothetical let's say there are zombies
00:44:17how many are there could be hundreds they escape from the mines every now and then
00:44:28she's not here maybe she hitched a ride out of town
00:44:33no
00:44:35Liz wouldn't just leave me here
00:44:39maybe you don't know her as well as you think you do
00:44:42i know everything about Liz okay
00:44:47any man that says they know everything about a girlfriend
00:44:51probably doesn't how do you know because men are on a need-to-know basis
00:44:59um that may be you but that's not everybody everybody
00:45:04will you find her ask i will but don't go asking questions you don't want to know the answer to
00:45:11all right you don't want me to ask that's what it is
00:45:15you've been warned
00:45:17all right well prepared to be wronged
00:45:23what no reply to that
00:45:25ally may
00:45:27i know where she might be
00:45:28where come on
00:45:34so what's the plan we're just gonna wait here
00:45:36i am
00:45:39there's two places we go when zombies are on the loose
00:45:42the river because zombies don't like water and the old church
00:45:47because zombies don't like church
00:45:50they don't like our church
00:45:53i have to get back to the house
00:45:56i'm not leaving with sunrises we don't know how many have escaped
00:46:01so we're just gonna wait here
00:46:03listen sweet pea i've been running from zombies before you were born
00:46:06if there's one thing i know is that
00:46:11oh my god
00:46:15oh my god
00:46:21oh my god
00:46:39die zombie
00:46:42bitch
00:46:46looks like i got here just in time
00:46:53is that carl
00:46:56maybe i could have got here a little sooner
00:47:01come on your boyfriend's looking for you
00:47:05so this stuff really works
00:47:07not for you
00:47:09it was empty
00:47:13chad's gonna flip when he finds out what i was doing tonight
00:47:17he's searching for you right now
00:47:21he knows i'm gone
00:47:23he's been out with ellie may all night looking for you
00:47:27oh
00:47:30i know that look
00:47:33ellie may's not a threat
00:47:39she's pretty and i'm sure a lot of fun
00:47:42that's true
00:47:44but chad's
00:47:46not her type
00:47:50he doesn't seem like your type either
00:47:54everybody says that but
00:47:57we just work together like yin and yang
00:48:02i bet he fills all your holes
00:48:06what
00:48:07oh not like that
00:48:09it's a saying
00:48:11you know
00:48:12if someone fills your shortcomings and you fill theirs
00:48:16you make each other better
00:48:21he fills my holes
00:48:26you didn't say where we're going
00:48:30how'd you know liz was the one you wanted to marry
00:48:34i had this boyfriend once i was so in love with
00:48:38i knew he was the one i was going to marry and have seven babies with
00:48:42seven
00:48:43i mean my aunt susie had eight and it ruined her body so seven's my limit
00:48:48anyway
00:48:49every night he would drop me off and i would run upstairs and start planning our wedding every detail
00:48:55of it my dress the guest list we were going to go on our honeymoon
00:49:01it would have been perfect
00:49:04what happened
00:49:06he was walking home drunk one night on the tracks and got hit by a train
00:49:12that's horrible
00:49:13i thought so too
00:49:15at first
00:49:16and then i found out he was walking home from having sex with jessica penner
00:49:21well he got what he deserved
00:49:23zombie deer right
00:49:25turn it around turn it around
00:49:28oh
00:49:29took you long enough
00:49:33we're going to church
00:49:35what you asked where we're going come on
00:49:45jesus
00:49:49you religious
00:50:00what's in the bag
00:50:01oh it's
00:50:03carl's emergency supplies it's a
00:50:06an empty can of zombie repellent and some of his
00:50:10moonshine
00:50:11really
00:50:13carl wasn't good for much but sleeping with other people's wives
00:50:17and making killer moonshine
00:50:26whoa that's what i'm talking about
00:50:31go on
00:50:34it'll put some hair on your chest
00:50:47oh wow
00:50:52oh
00:50:54one more
00:50:58i'm gonna regret this
00:50:59moonshine regrets a whole different kind of regret
00:51:03that's why we keep drinking it
00:51:11oh
00:51:19i may have underestimated you
00:51:23princess
00:51:28be a real shame the zombie showed up right now
00:51:31stop
00:51:33i'm trying to pee in peace
00:51:38so what do you do
00:51:39for money
00:51:42uh opening a restaurant
00:51:44oh we have one of those here
00:51:46it's called the country kitchen
00:51:48it was called jim's country kitchen
00:51:51but then jim murdered somebody and went to jail so they took his name out
00:51:57mine's a tiki bar
00:52:00what's that
00:52:01it's like a hawaiian polynesian themed bar
00:52:05good music and uh fun decorations
00:52:08just classic escapism
00:52:10that sounds fun
00:52:11yeah
00:52:13liz isn't too thrilled about it though
00:52:15but she doesn't drink much
00:52:18i never used to be a big drinker either
00:52:20and then i started doing a lot now i really like it
00:52:25you know liz she uh takes more than one sip and she gets really emotional
00:52:31then she throws up
00:52:36i can't i don't know if i can marry chad
00:52:42he's so wonderful
00:52:45that's a good thing
00:52:47right
00:52:47no
00:52:50that's not good
00:52:53it's great
00:52:56then what's the problem
00:52:59my friends they
00:53:03they
00:53:07they don't like him
00:53:11i think they like him better
00:53:13what makes you think that
00:53:16they told me
00:53:19that doesn't mean
00:53:21it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you
00:53:25it doesn't
00:53:27you and me
00:53:29we're the serious types
00:53:31but we get done
00:53:35but no one ever says thank you
00:53:44you got that right
00:53:52more zombies
00:53:53i got it
00:54:13i don't
00:54:13don't get too
00:54:14cocky
00:54:14that's when they'll get you
00:54:18you know
00:54:21you're great and everything but the fact that you don't have
00:54:24social media like a facebook or instagram
00:54:28i just don't think we're ever going to see each other again
00:54:30you know
00:54:32but uh
00:54:34i really hope you find your lose
00:54:36you know
00:54:38but i didn't lose a lose
00:54:41yeah
00:54:42i meant more of like a
00:54:45significant other
00:54:46kind of thing you know
00:54:49i hope i do too
00:54:53hear that
00:55:07liz
00:55:08you need to get over here big guy
00:55:11tell him
00:55:25are you okay
00:55:28i'm scared
00:55:30this is zombies
00:55:32i saw him too
00:55:33no i'm
00:55:35i'm scared about getting married
00:55:38i'm scared about having kids and
00:55:41and buying a house and
00:55:44in the right school zone and
00:55:47and then what if we don't work and we have to worry about custody and then
00:55:52in retirement
00:55:54do you know how much it costs to retire
00:55:58in college oh
00:56:00shit we should probably just have one kid
00:56:03because that costs so much
00:56:04and i want to be supportive of your t bar
00:56:08but
00:56:09do you know how many bar restaurants go under
00:56:15it's staggering
00:56:18honey i'm scared about all those things too
00:56:22really
00:56:23yeah
00:56:26well why aren't you freaking out why didn't you say anything
00:56:30because
00:56:32we'll have each other
00:56:35i know that together we can do anything
00:56:52honey what are you throwing up
00:57:05my dress
00:57:12oh
00:57:13oh thank god
00:57:31Liz
00:57:44Oh, my God.
00:57:53Oh, my God.
00:57:57No!
00:58:00Oh, no.
00:58:07Why?
00:58:18I'm sorry, Liz.
00:58:21You'll find another even better wedding dress.
00:58:26Oh, no. Did you lose your ring?
00:58:32I'll find it.
00:58:34Wait.
00:58:37It's at Mrs. Powell's house.
00:58:40Are you sure?
00:58:42It's on the side table.
00:58:47So, what do you want to do?
00:58:51We're gonna go get it.
00:58:54Okay.
00:58:54Bye.
00:58:55Bye.
00:59:02Bye.
00:59:04Bye.
00:59:07Bye.
00:59:12Bye.
00:59:17Bye.
00:59:21Bye.
00:59:24Bye.
00:59:33It's not here.
00:59:35What do you mean it's not there?
00:59:36It's not here.
00:59:37What? How's it gonna be?
00:59:40I always put my ring on the nightstand when I take a shower.
00:59:46Okay.
00:59:48Um...
00:59:48It was just your steps.
00:59:49What's the last thing you remember?
00:59:52I heard Mrs. Powell outside.
00:59:54I think she was dragging a body and cutting it up in the basement.
00:59:58A body?
00:59:58Why would you be cutting up a body?
01:00:02Oh, fuck.
01:00:04You broke the house rules.
01:00:07I said lights out at nine.
01:00:13I think you actually said ten.
01:00:23You shouldn't have come back for your ring.
01:00:25I was getting worried that my little Jimmy wouldn't have enough to eat this week.
01:00:30But God brought you back to us.
01:00:34I fed him a few hours ago.
01:00:36But you already know that.
01:00:39Jimmy was my youngest and was turned when he was only 17.
01:00:43The sheriff found him and brought him back to me.
01:00:46It may be a few hours.
01:00:48But when he's hungry, he'll come for you.
01:00:54One more thing.
01:00:58In my basement, no one can hear you scream.
01:01:27You know, if I'm gonna die, there's no one I'd rather die with than you.
01:01:40Jack, please do something.
01:01:42I can't do anything with these.
01:01:47I have an idea.
01:01:48What?
01:01:48It's gross.
01:01:50We have to spit on them.
01:01:53Okay.
01:01:54All right.
01:01:58Hey.
01:01:59Hey.
01:02:00Hey.
01:02:01Hey.
01:02:02Hey.
01:02:07Hey.
01:02:16Hey.
01:02:18Hey.
01:02:25Hey.
01:02:27Hey.
01:02:28Hey.
01:02:29Hey.
01:02:44Not again.
01:02:54It's empty.
01:03:04What?
01:03:08Zombies are crippled by hairspray?
01:03:14Liz, I think we're being played.
01:03:18Why?
01:03:20For their own personal amusement.
01:03:23Why would anyone do that?
01:03:27I don't know, but we're going to find out.
01:03:44Hey.
01:03:47Can I help you?
01:03:48I want to talk with Tommy.
01:03:50Who?
01:03:51Tommy, the girl who works here?
01:03:54I'm the only one who works here.
01:03:56Well, she was working here yesterday.
01:03:59You must be thinking of someplace else.
01:04:09Hey.
01:04:11Hey.
01:04:19What the hell?
01:04:21What the hell?
01:04:22Come on.
01:04:27Marcello.
01:04:29Wow.
01:04:31A nice building.
01:04:32Give me the keys.
01:04:34Ow.
01:04:37Where are you going?
01:04:38Going to get some answers.
01:04:40Come on.
01:04:41Oh.
01:04:44How do you walk so fast?
01:04:52Please.
01:04:53Please.
01:04:53We can just walk into the house.
01:04:55Why?
01:04:55What's going to happen?
01:04:56I'm going to be arrested by a sheriff that doesn't exist?
01:05:00Wait.
01:05:01Wait.
01:05:02Wait.
01:05:04All I'm saying is that we should just be polite and just ask someone to happen.
01:05:11Are you insane?
01:05:17Liz!
01:05:18Why are you so mad?
01:05:26What day is it?
01:05:30Sunday.
01:05:32And what time?
01:05:3810.37.
01:05:42And that doesn't mean anything to you.
01:05:48Are you hungry?
01:05:51I don't know.
01:05:53That's the problem.
01:05:54We missed our own wedding.
01:06:01But Liz, it's just the two of us.
01:06:05We can get married anytime we want.
01:06:08That's not the point.
01:06:10You didn't even remember.
01:06:18I mean, to be fair, there were zombies.
01:06:20Please.
01:06:25I just want to go home.
01:06:40What the fuck?
01:06:41When we were down by the river and you were being eaten by the zombie and I saved her,
01:06:45she was on the ground like,
01:06:47yeah, that's Carl.
01:06:49Are they making fun of us?
01:06:50And I'm chewing the tobacco and I see her eye in a moment and I said,
01:06:54help yourself.
01:07:07Oh.
01:07:08Hi.
01:07:11Huh.
01:07:13You people are horrible.
01:07:16Is this your idea of fun?
01:07:19Scaring people for sport?
01:07:24Chad, do something.
01:07:26What do you want me to do?
01:07:30Liz.
01:07:36I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your experience,
01:07:39but this is what you pay for.
01:07:46Liz.
01:07:48I don't know why you're so upset.
01:07:50I thought we did a really good job.
01:07:54You're all crazy!
01:08:00I know the site says no refunds.
01:08:03But if you're this unhappy, I'll go talk to everyone and see what we can do.
01:08:10What the fuck are you talking about?
01:08:13Charles and Elsie, extreme zombie experience. Booked and paid three months ago.
01:08:19That's not even the same names.
01:08:21You're not that far off.
01:08:24Well, if you aren't Charles and Elsie, where are they?
01:08:29Hey, it's just a girl from work.
01:08:32Nobody from work sends me nudes!
01:08:34This has never happened before.
01:08:37Do you even work at the garage?
01:08:39What happened to all your tattoos?
01:08:41No.
01:08:42They were fake.
01:08:44My real name is Mary Elizabeth.
01:08:46I own the bakery on Main Street.
01:08:50Thomas is the morning radio guy over at WGLC.
01:08:54All country, all day.
01:08:56100.1 WGLC.
01:09:00Richard is the city attorney.
01:09:03Liz is a lovely girl, by the way.
01:09:06Mrs. Powell is actually Mrs. Powell.
01:09:09I can never remember my fake name.
01:09:11And Barry was the sheriff.
01:09:13He owns the sawmill down by the river.
01:09:16Liz speaks very highly of you.
01:09:19So you're all just actors?
01:09:22Yeah.
01:09:27Okay.
01:09:29Where are you going?
01:09:33We missed our wedding this morning.
01:09:37And it's all my fault.
01:09:38It doesn't even matter because it's too late.
01:09:43So thanks.
01:09:45Hold on there, son.
01:09:47It's never too late.
01:09:49This little hiccup shouldn't stop you from getting married.
01:09:53Look, I think things are a bit beyond repair at this point.
01:09:57You guys don't understand.
01:09:58Liz is perfect, right?
01:10:00She's smart.
01:10:01She's funny.
01:10:01She bought a bass guitar.
01:10:03She doesn't play bass, but she's going to learn.
01:10:06She writes handwritten birthday cards for people on their birthdays.
01:10:11Who does that?
01:10:13It's a really nice thing to do.
01:10:15I don't know what I am.
01:10:17Liz was my one in a million, right?
01:10:21And I blew it.
01:10:23I have never seen her look at me the way that she did this morning.
01:10:27I disappointed her in literally the worst way possible.
01:10:33Chadwick Allen Weber.
01:10:37There's no one on the planet I would rather marry than you.
01:10:43This girl loves you a lot.
01:10:48You find the good in everyone, in every situation.
01:10:52I bet you're even starting to like these people.
01:10:56Yeah.
01:10:58You know that Clem has his own radio show?
01:11:00What did you do then?
01:11:01100.1.
01:11:02All country, all day.
01:11:05Yeah.
01:11:08You're going to make a great husband and an amazing father.
01:11:13I'd marry you anytime, anywhere.
01:11:17Because there's nothing we can't do together.
01:11:19Right?
01:11:20You know, if you guys still want to get married today,
01:11:23we can make that happen, right?
01:11:27My dress got ruined.
01:11:31Gus went a little overboard out of the old church.
01:11:35We can find you a dress.
01:11:38Really?
01:11:40I suggest you get up there and give her a kiss before she changes her mind.
01:11:49Looks like we've got some work to do here.
01:12:19You may be seated.
01:12:20You may be seated.
01:12:21You may be seated.
01:12:24Howdy, folks.
01:12:26Howdy, man.
01:12:27We're here today to marry Elizabeth Marie Gamble and Chadwick Allen Weber.
01:12:35Although new to our town, an unfortunate misunderstanding has led to a shotgun wedding.
01:12:41Unlike others we've had.
01:12:43No offense, Sarah and Mike.
01:12:46We're going to keep this short so we can get to the food.
01:12:48Chad, do you take Elizabeth to be your wife?
01:12:53I do.
01:12:55And Elizabeth, do you take Chad to be your husband?
01:13:00I do.
01:13:01If anyone can show just cause why Chad and Liz may not be lawfully wed, speak now or forever hold
01:13:11your peace.
01:13:21Larry?
01:13:23It's over.
01:13:24Don't you check your phone?
01:13:36Sorry.
01:13:37My phone is dead.
01:13:38Sit down, Larry.
01:13:47Now we get to the good stuff.
01:13:50I signed my name on a dotted line and it was good, good, good.
01:13:56The cows got milk at supper time and it was good, good, good.
01:14:06The moon twinkled high in the southern sky and it was good, good, good.
01:14:13Now the honeymoon's over, it just up and died.
01:14:19But it was good, good, good.
01:14:23All the good times and the bad.
01:14:27The best times I ever had.
01:14:31The choice between happy and sad.
01:14:36All the good times and the bad, bad, bad.
01:14:42Liz.
01:14:44She gets a little cranky.
01:14:49Late afternoon.
01:14:51Oh, it's really coming down.
01:14:54Okay.
01:14:55Who's that hot table?
01:14:56Jane.
01:14:59She writes handwritten birthday cards for people on their birthdays.
01:15:04Who does that?
01:15:05She was my wolf.
01:15:07Fuck it.
01:15:09Is this, is this your idea?
01:15:17I suggest you give, go up there and give her a kiss before she changes to it.
01:15:20And then I stead her all over the fucking place.
01:15:22Sorry.
01:15:30It's too good.
01:15:32Sorry.
01:15:33Mosquito.
01:15:35What?
01:15:36Every Thursday the tables get out.
01:15:39Nope, they don't.
01:15:40They don't get out.
01:15:41Every Thursday.
01:15:44But when you get there, it's just a big bunch.
01:15:47Oh my God.
01:15:50And when you get there, it's.
01:15:51So take it back away.
01:15:52Yeah.
01:15:57Get out of here with, um, stop, uh, the devil.
01:16:10It's soft and sweet and every pair of lips is a different color, different color flavor.
01:16:16No, it's not.
01:16:18And this man, he always puts his head in the gator's mouth.
01:16:20But then I think, no, no, no.
01:16:23No.
01:16:25What?
01:16:26What?
01:16:26No.
01:16:27Careful.
01:16:28Why?
01:16:31I'm sorry.
01:16:35What the fuck?
01:16:38Honey, what are you talking about?
01:16:41Come on.
01:16:42And I want to be supportive of your tiki bar.
01:16:46I don't know.
01:16:53I don't know.
01:17:03Hello?
01:17:06Is it over?
01:17:10Are we done?
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