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00:00I think I've had a wee one!
00:03On today's show...
00:04Yammer!
00:05Yeah!
00:06Chili Carnage!
00:07What a man! Go off!
00:08It's not that bad.
00:09And I don't like smash.
00:10Instead of the hummus with chili,
00:13it was chili with hummus.
00:14Tea towel twirling!
00:15I was incredibly uncomfortable with the Greek dancing.
00:18Da-da-da-da-da-da!
00:19I love it!
00:21And canine carping!
00:22I thought it looked like dog food.
00:24I'm really sorry.
00:26If she's gonna tell me that my food looks dog food,
00:29I'm gonna be very upset.
00:31As five grappling gourmets go all out to grab a grand.
00:35I've probably ruined my taste buds now for the rest of the week.
00:44This week we're in Bristol,
00:45home to Britain's steepest street.
00:48Go on, Posty, up you get.
00:50You're always making that look easy.
00:53And hoping to avoid any uphill struggles today
00:55is dedicated getaway grabber Kirsteen.
00:59I've definitely lost count how many holidays I've had.
01:03Um...
01:04Definitely over a hundred.
01:06That is a lot of air miles!
01:08What are you like over sunset sangrias?
01:10I just say what I want, when I want,
01:13always at the wrong time.
01:15I had to leave the funeral once
01:17because I couldn't stop laughing at someone's nose.
01:19That is a grave error.
01:21There's definitely never a dolma and when I'm around.
01:24And no silence.
01:25Definitely.
01:26And lots of fun in party dances and music.
01:29I can see why you and funerals don't mix well.
01:32So what are you serving up then?
01:33My menu today is Greek food.
01:36And I think everyone will like it.
01:39First up on Kirsteen's Ionian journey is the starter.
01:43Homemade keftetes and toasted mini pitas with tzatziki and hummus.
01:48Oh my God, I absolutely love Greek food.
01:51I will thoroughly enjoy this.
01:53First up is theatre practitioner and spiritual medium, Joe.
01:57I will sense the situation and I'll sense what people are like,
02:00but I will introduce myself, I will talk, I will say what I think.
02:04It's almost like a friendship card.
02:06It's a lot of socialising.
02:08But yeah, I'm used to being in the limelight.
02:10I can take centre stage.
02:11But I think there's also a sensitive side to me too.
02:14You know, we've got both.
02:16Fortunately, Kirsteen hasn't gone on holiday
02:18and is busy dealing with dough.
02:20I really hope my guests are worth it
02:22and I really hope they like pita breads.
02:24Which he'll roll out once risen.
02:27I will probably check and ask if he's homemade
02:31because sometimes people say he's homemade
02:33but then you find the teen behind the back.
02:37Meet rodent raising, plant parenting,
02:39health and social care manager Pepe.
02:41I'm coming from Naples and Naples, well, you know,
02:44is very famous for the pizza
02:47but also we're very famous for being passionate,
02:51romantic, energetic
02:52and that's what I'm going to bring this week for my guests.
02:57I'm guessing it's a Neapolitan no-nonsense approach
02:59when it comes to the competition too.
03:01I'm very competitive and I want to win.
03:04As a cook, I would rate myself 10 out of 10.
03:09Get you.
03:10Fantastical!
03:12At Kirsteen's, there's a mix of onions, mince, garlic and bread going on.
03:17I'm making keftalis.
03:20I don't know if I'm saying it right
03:21but that's how I can remember them being called.
03:24Which is basically Greek meatballs with a twist.
03:27The twist being?
03:28The twist is basically put everything in there.
03:32Not literally, obviously.
03:34The existing components are combined with coriander, mint, parsley and chilli powder.
03:38Ker-fer-ted-fer-ker-fer-teddies? What?
03:41Meet barber Lady Natalia. Lady Natalia? For services to snipping?
03:47I'm so impulsive, I even changed my name by law because I got bored
03:52to now Lady Natalia.
03:55Oh, I see.
03:57I'm so extra that even my boss calls me the boss.
04:01That must annoy you after all the trouble you went through with Deedpole.
04:05People's first impressions of me is a bit stuck up
04:08purely because of my resting bitch face.
04:11This might be something to do with your name, m'lady.
04:14Back in the kitchen, Kirsteen's rolling out her keft-headis.
04:17Time to cook my balls.
04:19Mmm.
04:20They're prepped in a pan with oil and a splash of stock.
04:23Right, they need to go in the oven.
04:28Bye, balls!
04:30I'm gonna make tzatziki now, which is quite straightforward and simple to do.
04:33No cooking, just phew, done.
04:35Greek yogurt, cucumber, mint, garlic and lemon and phew, done.
04:40Onto the hummus, which sees chickpeas blitzed with tahini and olive oil before the addition
04:45of herbs and chilli.
04:48That is a lot of chilli.
04:50I really hope my guests do like quite hot things, spicy things, because it is got quite
04:55a bit of chilli in and it will be quite spicy.
04:58We noticed.
04:59Into the hot hummus goes sweet peppers, before a quick final whizz and a trip to the fridge.
05:06Last up, pitas are rolled and readied.
05:09My catchphrases.
05:10Don't burden them.
05:11Well, that would be a good start.
05:13They're in to bake and will be served along with the rest of the starter tonight.
05:18Onto the main.
05:19Stifado with Greek rice, potatoes and salad.
05:23This is gonna look really bad, isn't it?
05:25I don't know anything about Greek food.
05:27Gapping off this week's quintet is adrenaline-seeking account manager Richard.
05:32People's first impressions of me will likely be tall, dark, handsome, confident, cheeky,
05:39maybe a little bit arrogant.
05:43I really struggle to keep my inner monologue within.
05:47There's no filter.
05:48I'm often the loudest guest at a dinner party.
05:51Come back, Richard!
05:52I am really competitive.
05:53I used to play rugby.
05:54I used to swim.
05:55I love quizzes and all those kind of things.
05:57And I am absolutely gonna win this competition.
06:00Think you've missed a bit.
06:02Stifado, Kirstein.
06:03It's really a Greek tradition.
06:05It's a bit like, to Greeks, like an English stew.
06:09It's warm, it's tasty, and it's delicious.
06:13Stifado.
06:14Better be meat.
06:15Stifado.
06:15Er, no idea.
06:17Oh, better not be fish.
06:19Oh, it's fish, isn't it?
06:21Oh, okay.
06:23Yummy!
06:24Nothing fishy going on here as spewing beef sizzles with shallots.
06:28The key to this stifado is just basically you just put everything, what you've got in the cupboard, which I
06:34do with everything anyway.
06:36So, that's what I'm about to do.
06:38It's a really nice recipe.
06:39Obviously done with the rice and the Greek salad.
06:41A great blend.
06:42I think if they get it right, this will be a really good dish.
06:46First out the cupboard, a red wine vinegar and red wine.
06:50Ooh, decent drop that.
06:51I've not used the expensive one, but I bought.
06:57Oh, too late.
06:58Well, not really.
06:59Well, it is now.
07:02The fine wine is stirred in with a mix of herbs, cinnamon, paprika, more dried chilli and tomato puree.
07:08Time for a taste test.
07:10Mm-mm.
07:13Very happy.
07:16On to dessert.
07:18Homemade apple crumble with cinnamon, custard and whipped cream.
07:22I mean, what part of Greece do they serve apple crumble in?
07:25I can't remember.
07:27No, it's popular in the UK.
07:29Hmm.
07:30Lush.
07:30Love that.
07:31Yeah, one of my favourite desserts, that is.
07:35Well, Greeks like apple crumble, I know, but I don't think it's a Greek dish.
07:40But it's my Greek dish.
07:42And it's going to be very...
07:46Nice.
07:47Apples are stewed with cinnamon sticks.
07:49Cinnamon.
07:50And, of course...
07:53Not chilli.
07:55Syrup.
07:56Phew.
07:57Lots of syrup.
08:00There, we can see there.
08:01I'm just going to crack on and make the custard and hope for the best.
08:05Kirsteen optimistically mixes egg yolks with milk, cream and caster sugar.
08:09Before a hope-filled heat.
08:11And the addition of vanilla extract as well as a confident corn flour concoction.
08:16Literally, look at that.
08:18That is perfect.
08:22The celebrated custard and fruity filling is topped with a crumbly mix and sprinkled with cinnamon.
08:27So, they need to go in the oven.
08:30With the crumbles cooking, that's the prep done.
08:34I really hope they have got the Greek music tonight.
08:37Anything in mind?
08:38Da-dom. Da-da. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da...
08:41Tsssss.
08:42La-da-da-da-da-da.
08:45It's a classic for a reason.
08:47I love it.
08:48Dress code, Great-chan.
08:50And they have the perfect outfit for tonight, so I'm ready for it.
08:55All ready for my guests. Let's hope it's not a Greek tragedy.
08:58day. First up, evening, it's Jo. Hello. Yes, welcome to my evening. Another Greek goddess.
09:12Oh, welcome. Please, stand back. We'll go for it, girl. Go for it. I did it. Yay!
09:19Brilliant. Lovely. Yamas, love you already. Efkaristopoli. Which, of course, is Greek
09:26a thank you. Next in and fresh from the Acropolis, it's Richard. Hi. Yasu. Hello, how are you?
09:38Hello, nice to meet you. Rich, nice to meet you. Rich, I'm Kirsty. Nice to see you. Lovely
09:42to see you two. You're giving me these flowers or what? Yes, sorry. Thank you. Here's her
09:50ladyship, Natalia. Hello. Hello. You look wonderful. How are you? Welcome to my house. I'm Natalia.
10:03Nice to meet you. I'm Kirsty. Greek wine, of course. Oh, definitely. Hi. Hi, I'm Rich. Nice
10:08to meet you. And you? Only the finest champagnes. Thank you very much. Cheers. When the stars make
10:16you do, just like a pasta fuzzle. Looking terrifically pleased about the dress code,
10:21it's Pepe. Hey. Hello. Hey. How are you doing? Nice to meet you. I'm Pepe. Hello. How are you
10:29doing? I'm good, thank you. Some Italian wine for you? Oh, amazing. I love the case. Can I
10:34pop it? There we go. Thank you very much. And welcome to my house. And... Yamas. Yamas.
10:41Yay. Oh, my God. Oh. There we go. Coming up. I always do big portions. Bready brick
10:50bats. I had the toughest pit of bread ever. Take that home and use it as a doorstop. Yeah.
10:56That is brutal. And family fortunes. How many children do you got? I have seven. That's a lot
11:01of years being pregnant. It's the opening night in the West Country. Yamas. Yamas.
11:14Where holiday-loving Kirsteen is giving out Grecian greetings in the hope that all roads lead
11:20to this week's £1,000 prize. As in the Colossus of Rhodes. It looks very good on the page,
11:26that one. They look amazing. Good vibes. I'm ready to crack on with the starter. And I'm
11:31really hope it's going to go down a treat. And I hope they enjoy it. While her guests
11:37talk togas, Kirsteen gets ready to hand out her spice-heavy hummus and bitterbreads. I always
11:43do big portions. Clearly. How are your caftedas? Hopefully, when I dish them up now, they don't
11:49fall apart. And? They've gone a bit crumbly, but hey-ho. Hey-ho. Here it is. Homemade caftedas and
12:01toasted mini pitas with tzatziki and hummus. Oh my god. Oh! Here we go.
12:06Oh, look at you. Look at you. Look at you. So, there we go. Oh, thank you.
12:13Looks good. Oh, that smells fine. Thank you. You're welcome.
12:28That is actually really spicy. Sorry. So, the hummus made me quite uncomfortable because
12:35of the heat. It was burning a lot. And I've probably ruined my taste buds now for the rest
12:40of the week. That'll be the chilli. Oh, my god. Oh, it's not that bad. And I don't
12:46think it's supposed to. Instead of being hummus with chilli, it was chilli with hummus. So,
12:50like, I mean, it was, like, very, very strong. I couldn't know it. It's tzatziki level up
12:54the spicy of the soy sauce. Do I need to just mix that? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's a really
12:58good idea. Yeah. I think we need to break bread. If we drink it. Mm-hmm. I think it was
13:04very
13:04well done, the starter. Yeah. I think it was probably quite, um, traditional, um, and on
13:09point. So, yeah. I enjoyed it. If you want me to be critical, it's slightly hard on the very
13:13outer layer, but I think it's... No, you've got a really... Let's swap. You've got a bad one. I had
13:19the toughest
13:20pit of bread ever. I couldn't break it. I couldn't eat it. But take that home and use it as
13:26a door
13:26stop. Ouch! So, when the starter come out, um, Joe was a little bit brutal, uh, saying it was
13:34tough as old boots, um, but to be honest, I kind of think it's a bit of a tactic. Why
13:40the Greek
13:40theme, Kirsty? Um, well, I lived in Crete for two years when I was very young, and I used to
13:47be with a
13:47Greek man. I have three, have Greek children. And I still love the Greek culture, especially
13:56the food. I was right then when I was toasting the Greek men we've loved before. I think I
14:00hit the nail on the head there. Yeah, I think we have. We've got a lot to talk about. Yeah.
14:07I sense that there's someone that's lived life, that's had a real raw experience of life, and
14:13has come through it, and it has a really good take on things. And that's kind of what I felt
14:17about
14:18Kirsty, yeah. I think the starter went quite well. Obviously, a couple of them found it,
14:24the hummus, a bit spicy. A bit? Richard, he loved it. How about we pay homage to Homer with a
14:32bit of
14:32poetry? Never knows, spicy make nicey poo-poo. Right. I don't know what I was expecting,
14:39to be fair. Spicy makes nicey poo-poo. And that second stanza's very similar to the first.
14:47Come on, Calypso, let's get going.
14:52That's delicious. I'm ready to give them the surprise, the Greek volcano.
14:58Whatever that means. Here's the main, stifado with Greek rice, potatoes, and salad served separately.
15:06Ladies first. Oh, my God. Gracias. There we go. Oh, that's a big portion.
15:11So, this is, um, stifado, which I love making. Um, it's like a Greek version of our stew.
15:19What's stiff about it? It will warm your cockles. Oh, I know.
15:23Oh, I know. The rice is quite spice.
15:28Well, you know what you mean? Because I know you don't like that spice.
15:36I didn't have a clue what this was, but I really like it. Thank you. Thank you.
15:39I do appreciate that. The meat was tender, the rice was lovely, it was well-cooked,
15:44it was deliciously flavoured. I think she's done a really good job.
15:51I think it's going to teeny even a bit dry. Did you not want to say that, though?
15:55I didn't want to say it. No, you didn't want to say it. And I don't want to say the
15:57other thing I wish I was going to say.
15:58I thought it looked like dog food, I'm really sorry. No! Oh! Dog food?
16:04If she's going to tell me that my food is like, look, dog food, I'm going to be very upset.
16:09And I don't want to say that, but I don't mean it's like it.
16:13Honestly, it's the best policy, and I did say what I thought. I'm sorry I thought it, but I did
16:17think it,
16:18and that's what I saw in front of me, so I did say it.
16:21You're going to make me think that it's dog food now, and I cannot eat it, eh?
16:24No, no, no. No, please don't think it's a dog food.
16:27I'm not saying it is!
16:29That is brutal.
16:31It can be brutal sometimes, but at the same time, I don't mind a good pedigree chump.
16:35I mean, some of that's real quality, so it's not that much of an insult.
16:38Wow!
16:39It's definitely an insult.
16:41I will be honest about Jo's comment about the dog food.
16:44I think that was really below the belt.
16:46I'm not going to lie, because it didn't represent dog food,
16:50and that really put a bit of a downer on the evening.
16:55But we shall see what she delivers.
16:59And talking of deliveries...
17:02How many children have you got?
17:03I have seven.
17:05Seven?
17:05Seven.
17:06She's Louise.
17:07I bet you were relieved to go through the menopause.
17:09Definitely. I was very fertile.
17:12Yes.
17:12Yes.
17:13That's a lot, bless her.
17:14That's a lot of years being pregnant.
17:16Rather her than me.
17:18But, yeah, she must...
17:20Christmas must be nice here.
17:21Yeah.
17:23My eldest is 37.
17:24And your youngest?
17:25Is 17.
17:26Oh, big difference.
17:28You don't look like you've had seven kids.
17:30They keep banging.
17:31Oh, I like the word bandit.
17:35I was very surprised about Christine.
17:37I have seven children.
17:40Because she look amazing.
17:42She doesn't look like she had seven children.
17:46You see, Joe?
17:47That's a compliment.
17:49I've enjoyed hearing their stories.
17:51I think they're enjoying mine.
17:54And, yeah, no, it's been a good evening.
17:56I'm really enjoying it.
17:57So, are we going to do Greek dancing or plate smashing?
18:00White for the ladies.
18:02Dancing it is, then.
18:03Blue for the men.
18:05If we tuck them in somewhere, actually.
18:07Tuck them in.
18:09Right.
18:09And then, first of all, we put our hands on each shoulder.
18:13Oh.
18:14All right.
18:15Whoop-a!
18:20There are the tea towels.
18:24I enjoy it.
18:25I was in...
18:26Reminds me some of the Italian dancing, tarantella.
18:36You enjoying it, Richard?
18:38I was incredibly uncomfortable with the Greek dancing.
18:41Completely out of my comfort zone.
18:43I don't like making a fool of myself normally.
18:45Yeah!
18:49Woo!
18:52Woo!
18:56Eferisto, everyone!
18:57Woo!
18:58The Greek dancing was a lot of fun.
18:59Like I say, I've done quite a bit of Greek dancing.
19:01I do like Zorba, and I know how to work that.
19:05Normally done in a circle.
19:06Lovely.
19:08After her Mediterranean melee.
19:11Let's get ready to crumble.
19:14Kirsteen gets ready to put out her pud.
19:17Let's see what the guest thinks.
19:19But one thing I know, it's not going to be spicy.
19:22Let's hope Joe likes your presentation.
19:24Oh, scusy fingers.
19:26Homemade apple crumble with cinnamon custard and whipped cream.
19:30I forgot about the crumble.
19:31Wow.
19:32What is wrong with her portioning?
19:34She did say the portions are big in Greece.
19:39Tell you what, it's bloody delicious.
19:41Is it?
19:42Yeah.
19:42I'm going to go into the surprise.
19:43But I'm going to have a bit of a drink.
19:45Ah, that's the surprise.
19:47So thank God the surprise in that apple crumble was not a chilli.
19:52That was banging.
19:52Again, a lot of food.
19:55So the surprise.
19:57There's a big hole in it, yeah?
19:59No.
19:59Custard's already in it.
20:00Ah, there we go.
20:02So we have a layer of custard.
20:04Oh, there he is.
20:07Dessert, it surprised me because the apple crumble is not at all my favourite dessert.
20:13It was very good.
20:14I ate half of that.
20:15I could not eat more because the portion was very big.
20:19It's all about the flavours for me.
20:20It's lovely.
20:22I think dessert went down really well.
20:25In fact, it went so well that Jo is taking her as home.
20:32And it's not dog food.
20:34It's amazing.
20:36And yet you're giving her a doggy bag.
20:38Thank you, my beautiful guest, which I've met four good friends.
20:43Yeah, it's been lovely.
20:44No, there's not one of you, which I don't like.
20:48Some of the comments.
20:49No, I am right.
20:51The chappy here.
20:52I didn't want to say it, but I did get encouraged.
20:55I am apologised.
20:56I knew, but did it taste like dog food?
20:58No, of course not.
20:59Don't be so stupid.
20:59Well, then, can you withdraw that comment on, please?
21:02I love you already.
21:03All right, good.
21:04I love you too.
21:05I love you more.
21:06This isn't over.
21:07Scores, please.
21:08I've had a lovely evening.
21:09I think the food was fantastic.
21:11Everything was delicious.
21:12Portion size just a slight bit too big.
21:15So, tonight, I'm going to give Kirstein an eight.
21:17It was a lovely night.
21:19The food was a little bit overwhelming, a little bit spicy.
21:21So, for that reason, I'm going to give her a six.
21:25Overall, I think it was okay.
21:27The food was too spicy.
21:29So, I hope not to have a poo-poo tonight.
21:32For this, I'm going to give Kirstein a six.
21:36Okay, so, Kirstein was an excellent host.
21:39I think she was really fantastic.
21:41But tonight, got to be honest, it was a bit of a dog's dinner.
21:44I'm going to score her a five.
21:47Meaning Kirstein swerves a Greek tragedy with a respectable score of 25.
21:56Next time, creature communication.
21:58Hello.
22:00Bonjour.
22:01Hola.
22:02Uh-oh.
22:03I just want him to come out and be all cute with his little nose and his little whiskers.
22:07Feels lush.
22:08And a growing grudge.
22:09Maybe I should have put on the floor in a bowl for you.
22:15I'm living on dog food.
22:19Dog food is so good for you.
22:29It makes you strong and clever, too.
22:33Dog food is a current craze.
22:36Eat some every day.
22:40Hey!
22:41Dog food is a current craze.
22:44Dog food is a current craze.
22:45Dog food is a current craze.
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