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Homicide New York Season 3 Episode 4
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03:47I was seven years old, mom ordered Chinese food for us.
03:54We hear a knock on the door, and I assumed that it was the Chinese food.
04:04We opened the door, and there was a guy there.
04:07He was asking for the super, and we said the super wasn't there.
04:13Then he let himself in, shoved me to the side, closed the door behind him.
04:19Then he started asking for money, and my mom's offered jewelry and money that she had.
04:25And she was holding my favorite sister Amanda at the time.
04:28And he got aggressive, and I could tell my mom was scared.
04:34And then we started crying and stuff.
04:37We were confused of what was going on.
04:41Then he grabbed her, and he asked her, your eyes or your kids, he made her choose.
04:52She made the decision, and that was the last time I saw her.
05:04My retired captain, NYPD, did 31 years.
05:09I wanted to go to West Point.
05:11But since I got a 40 in high school chemistry, I ended up being a policeman.
05:17That was my second choice.
05:20Summer of 89, I was the commanding officer of the 5th Detective Division, Manhattan North.
05:26I was on my way to dinner when I got to call my pager dispatch.
05:31Said, Captain, we have a homicide on East 97th Street.
05:35So much for dinner.
05:38I responded to the location.
05:42The victim had been raped and stabbed.
05:45She had been taken to St. Luke's Hospital.
05:48Doctors worked on her, but she was pronounced dead on arrival.
05:52We were able to identify her as Lourdes Gonzalez, mother of three children and 24 years of age.
06:02There was blood on the walls, on the floor, and on the bed in one of the bedrooms.
06:10We looked for any knife with blood on it, and we couldn't find anything.
06:14We searched the apartment, the bedroom, the hallway, the courtyard, with negative results.
06:28When she was attacked, Lourdes was alone in the apartment with two boys and a baby.
06:35Her significant other, who was in the super of the building, had gone to the Bronx.
06:40When he returned home, we informed him of what happened.
06:48He was shocked.
06:49You could see he was visibly shaking.
06:52But with multiple stab wounds, it's a crime of passion.
06:56So you would look for the significant other.
06:59Did they have a fight?
07:00Did they have an argument?
07:01The detectives interrogate him.
07:03He determined that he can establish where he was and account for his time, so it rules him out.
07:12Tony told me that she's not coming back.
07:15I didn't understand.
07:18What do you mean she's not coming back?
07:21I remember Carlos crying.
07:24He was just hyperventilating and in pain.
07:28My mom, she was a loving woman.
07:31She was very young when she had me.
07:34She was about 18.
07:36I remember her smile.
07:37I remember her laugh.
07:40And I loved being with her.
07:42She brought joy to me.
07:45I felt like she was an angel put in my dad's life at the time to be able to get
07:50us straight and together.
07:53I started living with her when I was six years old.
07:56It was so seamless.
07:59Carlos was my roommate.
08:00I was my brother.
08:02During the times that we lived together, we had everything together.
08:06Then she treated Tony like her son.
08:10I remember when she became pregnant with Amanda, Carlos and I were excited.
08:16We showed us so much love.
08:19She was always by one of our side.
08:22And that was just the dynamic of our family.
08:26And sadly, it was taken away as quickly as it happened.
08:37Detective Irma Rivera was one of my top special victims detectives.
08:43To the children, she signifies a mother, which helps in eliciting information from them.
08:49I got a call in my office to respond to the 23rd Precinct
08:53because they had two children that they wanted me to interview.
08:57So I come into the room.
08:58I see the two cute little boys, dark hair, Spanish.
09:02They looked a little bit scared.
09:04When you're about to interview young children who had an experience like this,
09:07my main concern is trying to see how much information I can get from them,
09:11but doing it in a really slow pace, no rush.
09:16So I left the precinct.
09:18I took them to the bodega on 102nd Street off of 3rd Avenue.
09:22Got them some candy and drinks,
09:24and I put them back to the precinct.
09:26And I just hung out with them.
09:28I interviewed them each individually.
09:30In the police station, I reiterated exactly what happened.
09:37He gave her an ultimatum.
09:39He said, your eyes are your kids.
09:44Your eyes are your kids is something that I've never heard any other perpetrator say before.
09:51She told him, not my kids.
09:56So my mom told me and Carlos to take Amanda and go to the room.
10:04Amanda was in the closet with a pillow.
10:06And me and Tony were on the ground and looking at the door.
10:13They went into her room and we hear everything.
10:18We were holding each other.
10:19And we was either waiting for my moms to come get us or we was anticipating him coming in.
10:30I remember the footsteps of him traveling and leaving.
10:37When she yelled our name, I remember opening the door and seeing her in that long corridor of our apartment
10:45in a pool of blood asking us to go get help.
10:50Looking back at it now, she volunteered herself to be sacrificed.
10:58She didn't think twice.
11:05These kids just saw the worst thing that anybody can see.
11:08It shattered their innocence in a second.
11:13The little boys also gave a description to the New York City Police Department sketch artist.
11:19It gives the detectives an idea of what the perpetrator may have looked like.
11:22I remember distinctively his complexion.
11:26He was a darker person.
11:28And his hair was flat.
11:30They describe a male Hispanic.
11:32Approximately five foot ten.
11:34Dark skin.
11:35He has a blue striped shirt.
11:37And a flat top here.
11:39What he did to these kids.
11:41I mean their children and your mother.
11:44Horrible.
11:45This guy was a real piece of crap.
11:52Tonight there is outrage over a murder and a manhunt to find a dangerous killer.
11:57She's a beautiful person.
11:58I can't even believe that she died.
12:02The medical examiner's report said that Lourdes Gonzalez had been stabbed nine times, raped, and she was six weeks pregnant.
12:11Hearing that she was pregnant makes me feel even worse knowing that there would have been another child involved.
12:17Mayor Koch is offering a $10,000 reward to try to capture the man who killed a pregnant woman.
12:22This is a pathological killer.
12:24So we're putting every member of the police force out there looking for him as well as this reward.
12:30Yesterday's incident, he asked for the super.
12:33He's attired in a blue and white striped shirt.
12:36What we do at a press conference is to let the public know what he looks like and to be
12:42on your guard.
12:43And secondly, hopefully a witness.
12:46The child overheard a statement to the effect of your eyes or your children.
12:52When I saw the news report about Lourdes and I heard what he said to her and the circumstances and
12:59it sounded so familiar and I heard some version of your eyes or your life, it just clicked for me.
13:05I said, my God, son of a bitch, it's the same guy.
13:10In the sex crimes unit, they found a case on June 11th that had matched the same M.O. as
13:17Lourdes Gonzalez and spoke to the victim.
13:20Suddenly, new policemen came to talk to me and they had me retell the whole story again in excruciating detail.
13:33I was a girl from Brooklyn and I was living in the city and working after college.
13:40It was a beautiful June day and I was happy.
13:43I walked in Central Park.
13:46The attack on the Central Park jogger was something that I saw on the news.
13:50I read about it in the newspaper.
13:52It was everywhere.
13:53It terrified people.
13:55And the day of, I just remember I was being jumpy and antsy and just trying to be safe.
14:02I didn't know somebody was watching me, followed me home, rang the bell, told me he was the super son
14:13coming to do the repairs.
14:16I was so naive and I just opened the door.
14:20He came in and he locked the door behind himself.
14:25And I was like, oh, I resisted.
14:30He punched me in the face and broke my nose.
14:33And I just completely stopped resisting.
14:40I was being very careful because I could recognize that he was crazy.
14:45I did this separation thing where you rise above your body and you separate and you look down.
14:53At some point after the sexual assault, he says, your eyes are your life.
14:59And I said, well, no, I need my eyes.
15:02And he tried to stab me around my face.
15:05Lucky for me, the knife was not very big.
15:06So I had some puncture marks on my face that I needed stitches for.
15:10I think he was just all about the violence.
15:13It was fun for him.
15:17I was on the floor of the bathroom, kind of curled up in a fetal position.
15:21And then he took all my money, all my jewelry and closed the door.
15:29And then I just said to myself, right now you feel numb.
15:34This is going to devastate you tomorrow.
15:37This is going to destroy you.
15:43And it did.
15:45The manhunt is in full swing.
15:47Police say they have a good description of the man believed to be Lord S. Gonzalez's killer.
15:52They say he could be the same man who stabbed a woman last Sunday in her apartment on East 116th
15:58Street.
15:59She survived.
16:00Among the similarities in the two cases, police say is the suspect's fixation with his victim's eyes.
16:05I knew I had a rapist with the same modus operandi, if you will, same weapon.
16:12He says the same thing.
16:14Prejudice's victim in the same manner.
16:16There were young females in their 20s.
16:19But the second victim had been raped, then killed.
16:27Friends and family of 24-year-old Lourdes Gonzalez gathered to mourn her death today.
16:34I do remember her funeral.
16:36I remember most vividly the church being full, full, full of people.
16:44I really do not remember talking much to Carlos after that.
16:48We were already separated at that point.
16:54I think, you know, the easy fix was for Carlos to go with mom's side of the family and then
17:01me stay with my dad.
17:04They didn't know who was gonna take care of me and I guess nobody wanted to take responsibility of taking
17:11care of me.
17:12And I felt that.
17:15And jumping from house to house, it was difficult for me.
17:24I didn't really understand the decision of having my sister go to Puerto Rico with my grandma.
17:30I don't think that my dad was in the right state to have me an infant.
17:39Carlos was like my best friend. We did everything together.
17:43Had we been able to communicate and talk, even though we were young, it would have gave us a support
17:51system.
17:53All this stuff that happened, I don't feel protected no more.
17:58The one person I did feel protected with was my mom's.
18:09On July 19th in the afternoon in the sex crime squad, we received a call from the 19th precinct that
18:18there had been another rape.
18:19This rape occurred in 95th in Madison, close to Central Park.
18:25We responded to the hospital and spoke to the victim.
18:31She was seriously assaulted.
18:34She had cuts on her face, cuts on her legs.
18:39So, you don't push.
18:41I went to the sex crime squad because it was one of the few places that you could really make
18:46a difference in somebody's life.
18:48I wanted to be there, helping the victims.
18:53I pretty much grew up in New York City and I heard about violence a lot.
18:59It's sort of a regular thing in New York, I mean, when it's not you.
19:05I had just turned 20 and I was taking art classes and I made my way home.
19:18So, I took the elevator up and I'm standing in front of the front door to the apartment with a
19:27key in my hand and I hear somebody coming with a strange kind of breathing.
19:35It was loud and it was rapid.
19:40This person walks past me and goes one flight up and then comes down.
19:47And I said, where are you trying to go?
19:50And at that point, he lunges at me with a knife and says, I just want to talk to you.
20:00He has this knife to the back of my neck.
20:08So, I let him in.
20:12And he says, take your clothes off.
20:16And I felt this reaction in me.
20:19I knew I had to be calm and take a soft approach just to get through.
20:34And when it was over, he ripped the phone out of the socket.
20:42He ties me up.
20:45That's when he said, your eyes are your life.
20:49And then he went and got a blade thing and started cutting under and above my eyes.
21:05And I had hit my limit and luckily he stood up and he walked out of the room.
21:16I want to forget that I never fought back.
21:24That natural reaction.
21:26To have to subdue that was a sacrifice that I never quite repaired that.
21:35It's been an ongoing thing.
21:45You can never be sure it's the same, but the more information that I received from the complainant,
21:51the more I realized that we probably had the pattern.
21:55You have the MO, the same thing over and over.
21:58The perpetrator pushed into the apartment, raped, sodomized, robbed.
22:03And he said, your eyes are your life.
22:06And he has stayed in the same area.
22:09Criminals find something that works for them.
22:12It worked once, it'll work again.
22:15I knew I had a pattern, rapist.
22:17I tried not to bring my work home.
22:20But there's a serial rapist out there.
22:23You worry about your family, about your children.
22:26You're drilling them constantly to be careful.
22:29Your wife, you tell all the time, don't open the door until you know who it is.
22:36Overabundance of caution.
22:38You know?
22:40Our biggest worry at the time was this perpetrator would strike again,
22:44and we'd have another murder, another rape.
22:47It was put out on the news.
22:48Sketches were hung up all over the neighborhood.
22:51We knocked on doors and informed people in buildings what happened,
22:54see if anybody witnessed anything, if anybody recognized the sketch.
22:57Police have set up a hotline for any information concerning these cases.
23:01We've established a tips hotline.
23:03They're going to make phone calls.
23:05There's a guy that lives two doors down that fits that description.
23:08I never trusted him.
23:10He's kind of hinky.
23:12I saw him with a pocket knife the other day, cutting an orange.
23:19You have to track down each one of these leads.
23:23Unfortunately, in this case, none of them work out.
23:27I knew, you know, women were raped in New York and all over the country.
23:31You know, I knew this happened.
23:33But I didn't dwell on it.
23:35You just try to live carefully.
23:38You think it's going to happen at night or a neighborhood that maybe is not so safe or whatever,
23:43but it was just a beautiful afternoon.
23:46You just don't think it will happen then.
23:50I came up to New York to go to a small fashion school.
23:53It was Saturday afternoon and I heard a knock on the door.
23:58I opened the door and he put his hand on my face like that.
24:01I think kind of pushed me back.
24:04You could feel the anger.
24:06You knew he was just a ball of rage.
24:09He raped me, I think, twice.
24:11And then part of the memory is something that sort of gets muddled or lost or locked away.
24:19He wanted to take my bank card and get money.
24:23And then he said, I don't trust you.
24:25I'm going to have to tie you up or kill you.
24:27But I said, I'll get you scarves, you know.
24:29And so I had to walk by the door to go get the scarves.
24:33It's a tiny studio apartment, but he let me have that much distance, which was rare because he was on
24:38me.
24:40Something said to me, get out, get out, get out.
24:43You got one chance. Take it.
24:46I ran out screaming.
24:48He was inches behind me.
24:50And I ran into the super.
24:52I don't know what I said.
24:54I was raped.
24:54He's right behind me or something like that.
24:57Super caught him and someone else caught him and then held him for the police.
25:08We had a call that the uniform had a perpetrator under arrest.
25:13He gives his name, Matias Reyes.
25:16And without being asked or prompted, he says, I did it.
25:22He was an 18-year-old, quiet, 5'10", dark complexion.
25:27Once the detectives were interviewing him, they kind of realized that this could be the perpetrator from the previous rapes
25:34and the homicide.
25:35So we have the DA come down.
25:37They're beginning to see that the pattern is coming together and he may be involved in the homicide.
25:44All of them involved young women.
25:46All of them involved either a ruse or a push-in.
25:51All of them occurred within a 20-block area.
25:54All of them involved the use of a knife, robbery and rape.
26:01They wanted me to come down to the station immediately to identify, just to take a look at a lineup.
26:06That's all they said.
26:08Just one glimpse and I knew who it was.
26:11I was shaking with fear.
26:13It was a visceral reaction.
26:15There was no doubt that this was the guy.
26:19No doubt.
26:21I remember hearing that he was arrested and I had to go meet the detective.
26:29Seeing him was shocking.
26:33He was wearing the same shirt that he wore and it was very concrete.
26:40Like I knew that was him.
26:43He told detectives that he made love to these girls.
26:47He's a sick individual.
26:51He says that he committed multiple rapes, but Reyes denies any involvement with the Lourdes Gonzalez homicide.
27:01And at that point, Reyes is shown a sketch that had been put together from the children of Lourdes Gonzalez.
27:11Mateus looks at it and the detective says, look familiar?
27:16And Mateus says, yes, looks like me.
27:19And looked at the detectives and said, I'm fucked.
27:24Mateus Reyes begins to give a confession to the murder of Lourdes Gonzalez.
27:31We get in on video.
27:33At times he would rant and rave, really angry.
27:37And at other times, he was remorseful.
27:41Say, mommy, screaming.
27:43And she was like, tossing in and screaming.
27:46He says that Mourdes Gonzalez, she grabbed the knife, but she was shaking, she was scared.
27:53He says that he took the knife off her and that's how he eventually killed her.
27:59When this occurred, I had a nine-year-old and a one-year-old.
28:04So I could relate to the need to protect your children.
28:08You have to feel for her that the idea that someone could be so brutalized, to be stabbed nine times,
28:16it made me sick.
28:18Mateus Reyes, he's someone who has impulsive rage.
28:22He's a ticking time bomb.
28:23He was formally charged with four counts of rape, first degree, sodomy, burglary, and assault with a deadly weapon, and
28:33one count of homicide.
28:35Locally, 18-year-old Mateus Reyes is charged with a series of brutal rapes on Manhattan's east side, one of
28:41which ended in murder.
28:43When I saw he murdered Lourdes, that's what hurt the most was that I was alive and she was not.
28:51I remember receiving the news and feeling a sense of relief.
29:00I remember seeing it in the papers. He got caught when I seen the picture.
29:05I remember him.
29:08So I already knew that that was him.
29:15I get a phone call from my sergeant. She says,
29:18Irma, does Mateus Reyes ring a bell to you?
29:22I go, yeah.
29:24On April 17, 1989, I had his name as a possible suspect on a case that I had involving a
29:31rape that occurred in Central Park on 106th Street on the east side.
29:34My case in Central Park was two days prior to the Central Park jockey case.
29:41We interviewed the victim, and one thing that she noticed was that he had fresh stitches on his chin.
29:48Back then, in 1989, a lot of the hospitals used to have a log in the emergency room who came
29:53in and what they came in for.
29:55So what we did was, we went to every hospital, we checked the log.
30:00There was one guy who has fresh stitches on his chin, and the name on that particular entry was Mateus
30:06Reyes.
30:08I did background checks. He had no criminal record at all.
30:12There was no photo on file for him. There was nothing.
30:14And then my boss pulls me off the case and puts me into the child abuse team.
30:21I had no choice, so I was kind of a little pissed off.
30:24So it's like the case just died.
30:28It's an unfortunate thing that the leadership of the Special Victims Unit pulled Irma off this case and put her
30:33on another case.
30:35But you have to remember, this is 1989, and we're seeing tremendous big crime waves that are pushing our resources
30:44to the edge.
30:47The name Mateus, you know, it always stuck in my head.
30:51When Sergeant McLaughlin called me that day and told me that that was the person who killed...
31:01When she told me that it was the person that killed that mother in front of the kids, it made
31:06me feel so horrible.
31:09And it made me feel horrible for years and years. I've always thought about them.
31:18If I had caught him on that case, I know that things would have been completely different.
31:23All these other victims would have not been victimized.
31:26Those kids would have lost their mother.
31:28And that's the part that bothered me the most.
31:34You know...
31:39Cases were, children are involved.
31:42It's tough on detectives.
31:45Irma, as far as I'm concerned, one of the best detectives I ever worked with.
31:49She really cared about what she was doing.
31:55You are looking at a man police believe is a rapist and a cold-blooded killer, 18-year-old Mateus
32:01Reyes.
32:04So I went into work that day.
32:05When I got into the office, I was shown a picture of him.
32:08And when I see his picture, I go, that's Matias Reyes.
32:11I know him.
32:12I knew him since he was a little boy.
32:13Like, I knew him.
32:14He worked around the corner from the 2-3 precinct.
32:17In this bodega, Reyes served coffee to cops from the nearby precinct.
32:21For me, he's a good guy.
32:23One of the best.
32:24I was in the 2-3 from 1982 to 1987.
32:27So I saw him all the time.
32:30I never knew what his name was, but I just knew of him as the kid that worked in the
32:33store.
32:34And I started thinking, wait a minute.
32:35I definitely brought Carlos and Tony to that store to buy them candy.
32:40I know he wasn't there then, but still, ugh, that bothers me.
32:47We did learn from talking to Irma Rivera that they had even identified a person by the name of Matias
32:54Reyes as the possible perpetrator in another case.
32:57But unfortunately, the victim left the state of New York, and any attempt to find the victim was unsuccessful.
33:0589, it was kind of the frontier for the use of DNA.
33:10We submitted DNA evidence samples from the three rapes and the fourth rape and homicide of Lourdes Gonzalez to the
33:17FBI.
33:19All of the cases matched the DNA of Matias Reyes.
33:24And so Matias Reyes decided to plead guilty.
33:30This sentencing hearing doesn't pass without incident.
33:34Reyes ends up turning his rage on his defense lawyer.
33:38And assault him in open court.
33:42Like, who would do that?
33:44How could you sabotage yourself in that way?
33:46But he couldn't control his violence.
33:49He was sentenced to 33 and a third years.
33:53Eventually, he became eligible for parole.
33:57He has the option of coming out.
33:59He has the option of coming out.
34:01So, how am I supposed to live a life knowing that he could potentially come out?
34:06Why?
34:09At this point, we think this is the end of the criminal reign of Matias Reyes.
34:16But we were to learn later that there were other crimes that he committed that we did not know that
34:23he did.
34:362002, Matias Reyes called the district attorney's office and wanted to speak to someone regarding some information he wanted to
34:43give them.
34:43A man has come forward by the name of Matias Reyes.
34:47He claims that he alone attacked and raped the woman in Central Park back in 1989.
34:59Matias Reyes claims that he's involved in the 1989 Central Park jogger case.
35:06It's not shocking and unusual for somebody to interject themselves in a media case whether they're involved or not.
35:13The unusual piece of this was his claim to act alone.
35:18By the time Matias Reyes came forward and said that he alone was responsible for the rape of Trisha Miley,
35:26known as the Central Park jogger, five other young men had been convicted and served long prison sentences for this
35:35crime.
35:35They always said that they were innocent and always proclaimed it whenever possible.
35:41And in fact, one of them, Corey Wise, actually encountered Reyes in prison and had some kind of altercation.
35:49And that may have contributed to why Reyes came forward.
35:52Eventually, the NYPD decides to form an investigative task force that I led to look into Matias Reyes's role in
36:02the Central Park jogger case.
36:03We know that there was John Doe's DNA in that case that was never identified.
36:11So they got DNA samples from Matias Reyes and matched them up.
36:15Matias Reyes absolutely did rape the Central Park jogger, Patricia Miley, because it was his DNA that was recovered on
36:25the morning she was brought to the hospital.
36:28I wish we had had a DNA data bank back in 89, 90 and 91, because that would have allowed
36:37us to connect all of these cases.
36:39It's not just about convicting defendants. It's also about exonerating the innocent.
36:45So with the new information that Matias Reyes is the unknown DNA and that he says he acted alone, the
36:55five defendants' cases were vacated and rightfully so.
37:02It's a people's victory. I think that's what we have to draw from it.
37:08Unfortunately, this will be a black mark on NYPD's relations with the black community for years to come.
37:18I was happy for the five young men that were falsely accused, but it really did nothing for me other
37:25than like rehash some emotions and feelings and memories.
37:34Did you attack the Central Park jogger? Yes.
37:38It was on 2020 and I'm like, what? You know, like what the fuck?
37:43Having the past resurface is like life telling you, you know what? This is always going to be there. And
37:51there's no such thing as a fresh start. I just got angry all over again.
38:00The injustice that was done to the Central Park Five needed to be undone, but a parallel injustice happened to
38:08all of Matias Reyes' other victims.
38:10And so in 2019, I wrote a piece for the cut called Before and After the Jogger. I ended up
38:18speaking not only to Lourdes' children, but I also spoke with the three women whose sexual assaults Reyes was convicted
38:28of.
38:29These were the people who were written out of the story of what we now put under the umbrella of
38:35the Central Park Jogger case.
38:38She deserved her story to be told. And what better way to tell it than with her kids. I just,
38:46I thank her for everything she did for me.
38:51I always feel bad that she never got to meet what an amazing woman her mom was.
38:59Just the stories that I get from my brothers, she was an amazing person. Regardless of whether she's here physically,
39:08I feel like she's guided me.
39:12This happened in 1989. So any sports I played, that was my jersey number. Just paying homage to my mom.
39:22I feel like she was just somebody put in my path to lead me to something bigger.
39:33She told me to value education and make sure that I set a good example. And I did. And I
39:39kind of helped instill those things in my own kids now.
39:46I felt guilty. I went to those stages of just being angry and blaming myself and blaming others.
39:58It's done a lot of damage to me because it was just destroying me mentally.
40:06Anybody that talks about the case that haunts you, the case of Lourdes Gonzalez haunted me for years and years
40:13and years.
40:16Hi, Carlos.
40:19So nice to see you.
40:23I'm sorry.
40:26So, it was important for me to meet Carlos.
40:29This case bothered me so much.
40:32I had his name on another case.
40:35I want to apologize to you because I feel like if I had gotten him, this wouldn't have happened.
40:40I was never mad at her.
40:42I would never want her to live life like that.
40:46The only person I'm angry at is Rez. Rez deserves, he deserves misery.
40:53Don't give your power away to him at all.
40:55My life has been a mess.
40:59I've been incarcerated in and out.
41:01How many felonies you have?
41:03I got three gun possessions.
41:07A homicide.
41:09I became a product of the streets.
41:12And there's always a beef.
41:14And there's always retribution.
41:16And I grew up wanting to destroy anything that destroys me or my family.
41:22Mm-hmm.
41:23And there's a never-ending cycle.
41:25Your life is not over. You can still do a lot with yourself, you know that?
41:28Your mother wanted to give you such a good childhood.
41:31Now is your time to honor your mother and have a good manhood.
41:36Yeah.
41:38I'm still striving for better.
41:41I'm still a work in progress.
41:42I'm on the path of doing better.
41:46And my mom deserves it.
41:54I was aware that there were two other women victims, survivors.
42:00But we didn't get to meet, we didn't get to talk.
42:04So I wrote a letter and I said, we all went through the same thing and it's absolutely horrible.
42:10But it would be nice if we could be there for each other because only we know and understand what
42:15each of us has been through.
42:24And we all decided to meet and get together multiple times over the years.
42:29Every year the date would come and I'd say, forget what the date is, forget what happened, just go about
42:34your life, forget, forget, forget.
42:36And last year I thought, why?
42:37So I invited my friends for dinner and I had a fuck you, I'm still here party.
42:41I did.
42:43Melissa, Meg and I have this friendship.
42:48We all are connected by this horrific story, but we're also connected by love.
42:55I thought to myself, my God, these other girls, they went through the same thing I did.
43:00Yeah.
43:00We have to become friends.
43:02It was like revolutionary to meet you.
43:06Yeah.
43:07Having them, I feel very lucky.
43:10I don't know what I would have done without them.
43:16Lourdes is one of us.
43:18She is a fighter.
43:20I've thought about her a lot.
43:22I really felt for her and I really felt for her family.
43:27Lourdes isn't here to speak.
43:30So we wanted to kind of honor her and her family and to say that we never forgot Lourdes.
43:38I want people to know her and be like she was more than just this little footnote.
43:43Lourdes was important.
43:44Hmm.
43:48That's all.
43:49I know.
44:00That's all.
44:03That's all.
44:05That's all.
44:10That's all.
44:30I don't think the NYPD or the city of New York
44:33ever saw this coming.
44:37Go, go, go!
44:42My Aunt Joanne, she worked in the North Tower.
44:45I'm like, how the fuck am I getting up there to get her out of there?
44:48The second building just failed.
44:5078th floor of a building is on fire,
44:52and I don't know how to get out of here.
44:55The tower's coming down.
44:58The lieutenant says, fucking run.
45:03I see a bunch of EMS.
45:05He goes like, we're going to go back into the building.
45:07There's people in there that need to be removed.
45:09So I was like, okay, I'm not going to have a fireman embarrass me,
45:12so I'm going to stay.
45:14One thing about 9-11, it helped me get used to the smell of death.
45:18You find out what you're really made of.
45:20You find out what it is to be a team player.
45:23You're not dead.
45:25Get to work.
45:26You're not dead.
45:28You're not dead.
45:30You're not dead.
45:38You're not dead.
45:48Fuck.
45:50Fuck.
45:50Come on, it's dead.
45:55You're not dead.
46:24Transcription by CastingWords
46:54Transcription by CastingWords
47:15Transcription by CastingWords
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