- 5 hours ago
The Greatest Average American Episode 3 Engsub
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00:00We asked a hundred average American grandmothers,
00:03which of these sums up your opinion of Nate Bargettse?
00:08D. Who?
00:11Did y'all know who I was?
00:13Yes. Oh, okay.
00:14I don't know who I am sometimes.
00:16I'm definitely not a game show host.
00:21From the Nashville Municipal Auditorium,
00:24it's the only comedy show that also happens to be a game show.
00:27It's the greatest average American.
00:31And now your host, Nate Bargettse.
00:37Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:40So happy for y'all to be here.
00:41All right, welcome to our new show,
00:44where it's not about what you know,
00:45it's about what your fellow average American knows.
00:48I want to introduce you a couple of buddies I have out with me.
00:51Joya McColl has been with the audience all night.
00:53Fellow comedian, say hi.
00:55All right, and also my buddy, fellow comedian Greg Warren.
00:59He's the announcer.
01:00Whoo!
01:02Whoo!
01:02Greg, who do we have playing tonight?
01:04Nate, we have a new mom and University of Tennessee superfan.
01:08It's Courtney.
01:09All right.
01:11A steel worker from the Hoosier State of Indiana.
01:14Please say hello to Mark.
01:16Hey, how you doing, man?
01:17Hello, audience!
01:19Whoo!
01:19Whoo!
01:19And from the great state of Connecticut, it's Brandon!
01:24Whoo!
01:24Hey, guys!
01:25Whoo!
01:26Hey, guys!
01:27Whoo!
01:28All right, Courtney, big Tennessee fan.
01:30It's important.
01:31I can imagine.
01:32I arranged my whole wedding around football season, so.
01:34Yeah.
01:35Yeah, I'm a Vandy fan.
01:37I'm aware, you know what?
01:38Yeah.
01:40It's never too late, Nate, you know, you can come over to our side.
01:44Ahh.
01:44Maybe.
01:45We can talk about it later.
01:47All right, we can talk about it later, but it's not gonna happen.
01:49Yeah.
01:49But it's, but I'd love to talk about it.
01:51All right, thank you guys for being on the show.
01:53We're gonna play through two elimination rounds with one person going home after each one.
01:58Last player standing moves on to our bonus round, where you could win the average American salary of $67,920.
02:07Woo!
02:08In our first round, we asked Americans questions about how they feel, what they like, and how they live.
02:13I'll reveal the questions, and all you have to do is choose the response said by the majority of Americans.
02:19These first two questions are worth one point each.
02:23Here's your first question.
02:26We asked 100 average Americans, which of our great 50 states do you think about the least?
02:32Oh, man.
02:33A, Idaho.
02:35B, Delaware.
02:36C, South Dakota.
02:38D, Arkansas.
02:40Ten seconds.
02:47We've got, like, some nice conversation in the audience.
02:50I mean, people got some opinions on this.
02:52Yeah.
02:53All right, Courtney.
02:55I said...
02:57A, Idaho.
02:58Yeah.
02:58I was trying to think about the population of each of these states.
03:02I feel like there's not a lot of people that live in Idaho.
03:04Yeah.
03:04I also don't know anything about Idaho.
03:07I think there's corn there.
03:08Potatoes, I think.
03:09But I ended up last minute not doing Delaware because I feel like if you're from the Northeast,
03:13you're aware of Delaware.
03:14Yes.
03:14So...
03:15Nate, I'm from the Northeast, and I am not aware of Delaware.
03:17Okay.
03:18There.
03:18Yeah.
03:18But that's just him.
03:20Yeah.
03:21Uh, Mark?
03:22So, I, um, picked, um, C, South Dakota.
03:26Yeah.
03:27I did the process elimination because, A, for Idaho.
03:29Who doesn't know it's potatoes?
03:31Everybody loves potatoes.
03:33Potatoes from Idaho.
03:34It's big.
03:34It's big potato.
03:35Delaware.
03:36We know we crossed over in the boat in Delaware back in 1776.
03:40Yeah.
03:41And Arkansas, you know, hey, you got so much foolishness out now.
03:44You got Walmart.
03:45You got President Clinton, you know?
03:47Yeah.
03:47You got a...
03:48Arkansas is the Razorbacks.
03:50Yeah.
03:50Everybody knows Arkansas.
03:51Everybody knows Arkansas.
03:52So the most logical answer to me would be C, South Dakota.
03:55Yeah.
03:55Mount Rushmore didn't make it.
03:57Exactly.
03:57Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:58Yeah.
03:59Brandon.
04:00I also said, A, Idaho.
04:03All right.
04:03I like it.
04:04I would like to say I think about all the states because I'm going to be performing in
04:08all these.
04:09So don't, uh, this is not...
04:11I said I love them all.
04:13Uh, all right.
04:14We asked 100 average Americans.
04:16Let's find out what did they say.
04:20Delaware.
04:22Yeah.
04:22Wow.
04:23I've recently, uh, forgot about it.
04:26Told ya.
04:2745% thought Delaware, so no points.
04:30This one's a little different.
04:31You're guessing the percentage of people from zero to 100.
04:35Whoever comes closest to the correct answer gets the point.
04:40We asked 100 average American men, do you think this picture of a panda is adorable?
04:49What percent said, yes, it's adorable?
04:5410 seconds.
04:58You like it?
04:59It looks nice, Nate, but you don't want to get in a fight with one of these things.
05:03It's ugly.
05:04Wrong end of a bamboo stick.
05:06You're going down.
05:07Yeah.
05:08Yeah.
05:08Brandon, I mean, uh, you are a, uh, a man.
05:13Did you find this adorable?
05:15I think pandas look adorable and cute when they're not showing their teeth.
05:20Yeah.
05:20So I've never seen a panda look like this, actually.
05:23It's an aggressive one.
05:24We had to, uh, we had to poke it.
05:26No, I didn't.
05:27They didn't.
05:28I said that 10% of American men would think that this panda is cute.
05:34Yeah.
05:35Mark?
05:36So, Nate, I said 20%.
05:38Yeah.
05:38Because you've got to take in mind the hunters.
05:40The hunters.
05:41The wild, the wild game people.
05:43Yeah.
05:44Yeah, I don't think, are you allowed to hunt a panda?
05:46I don't know.
05:48I don't think so.
05:49I don't think so.
05:50Yeah.
05:50You're going to be in some big trouble.
05:52Uh, Courtney.
05:53I said 55%.
05:56Yeah.
05:58I will say, Nate, trying to get in the head of the average American man seems like a very
06:03impossible task.
06:03It is.
06:04And I thought that they may just say yes, because they probably didn't listen to the question.
06:10That's a solid way to think about it.
06:13100 average American men.
06:15Did they think this panda was adorable?
06:18Who said yes?
06:2271% Courtney with one point.
06:24Good job.
06:25Yeah.
06:25Good job.
06:26Good job.
06:27Nice job.
06:28All right.
06:28Two questions left.
06:29I'm going to raise the stakes a little, so this next one is worth two points.
06:33Next question.
06:34All right.
06:34Whoo!
06:36We asked the 100 average American grandmothers, which of these sums up your opinion of Nate
06:44Bargetze?
06:46A, hilarious.
06:48B, seems like a nice young man.
06:51C, not my cup of tea.
06:53D, who?
06:58You have 10 seconds.
07:02Nate, my dad doesn't know who you are.
07:04He's met you twice.
07:06Yeah.
07:06That's fair.
07:07That's fair.
07:08You like you?
07:09Yeah.
07:09I know who you are.
07:10Never knows who I am.
07:11Yeah.
07:12Did y'all know who I was?
07:14Yes.
07:15Oh, okay.
07:16Yeah.
07:16I don't know who I am sometimes.
07:18I'm definitely not a game show host.
07:21Let's go with Mark.
07:23So Nate, I picked A, hilarious.
07:25Yeah.
07:25Because nowadays, a grandmother doesn't have to be 70, 80, 90 years old.
07:29They can be younger.
07:30Yeah.
07:30Exactly.
07:31You know, a lot of people know you.
07:32A lot of people attend you on comedy shows.
07:34So I went with hilarious.
07:36It's one of the best answers I've ever heard, Mark.
07:38Yeah.
07:39Love you.
07:39Love you.
07:41Courtney?
07:41I also said A, hilarious.
07:44Okay.
07:45I like it.
07:45I think you're hilarious.
07:47I think I can say that because I'm a grandmother at heart.
07:49I'm 31 going on 65.
07:51Yeah.
07:53Brandon.
07:54I said, seems like a nice young man.
07:56Yeah.
07:57Yeah.
07:58That just seems like something that grandmas would say.
08:01Yeah.
08:02He was raised right.
08:04Yeah.
08:05Do I want to know the answer to this one?
08:07What did the average American grandmother say?
08:13Who?
08:14Who?
08:15Who?
08:1633% said who.
08:17Wow.
08:19Wow.
08:20Wow.
08:20Wow.
08:20That's so funny.
08:22Well, trying to get a game show on TV, that's not good.
08:25All right.
08:26This one is worth a whopping three points.
08:29So it's anybody's game.
08:31Final question.
08:34We asked 100 average Americans if you got to spend a year as one of the following.
08:39Which would you choose?
08:42A, dragon.
08:43B, unicorn.
08:46C, mermaid.
08:48D, sasquatch.
08:51100 average Americans.
08:5310 seconds.
08:59We're gonna talk about an opportunity.
09:01Yeah.
09:03Give me six years.
09:04I'll sign up right now.
09:07All right, Courtney.
09:09I picked a dragon.
09:11Yeah.
09:12It's tough not to be a dragon.
09:14I think the opportunity to hit someone with fire.
09:18Yeah.
09:19I think the average American would sign up for that immediately.
09:21Oh, yeah.
09:23You know.
09:23Mark?
09:24So, Nate, I'll pick unicorn, B.
09:26You know?
09:27Yeah.
09:28Because everybody likes to love a unicorn because it's magical.
09:31Unicorns are magical.
09:33Uh, Brandon?
09:34I picked sea mermaid.
09:36Yes.
09:36Because you get to swim to certain places.
09:39Yeah.
09:39You can go to different spots.
09:40You might find a love interest on land.
09:42Who knows?
09:44All right.
09:45It's coming down to this.
09:46We all got three different answers.
09:48This was worth three points.
09:50What did the average American say?
09:55Dragon.
09:58There you go.
09:59Courtney.
09:59You are automatically moving on to the next round.
10:03So you can sit this one out.
10:04We have a tie between Mark and Brandon.
10:07To break it, I'm going to ask you one last question.
10:09It's a percentage question.
10:11Whichever player gets closest to the correct answer will be moving on.
10:14Last question.
10:17We asked 100 average American sports fans, do you feel that wearing a lucky jersey during
10:23a game influences the outcome?
10:25What percent said yes?
10:28Ten seconds.
10:37I do.
10:39Yeah.
10:40All right.
10:40All right.
10:41All right.
10:42Feel good.
10:43Mark, are you superstitious?
10:45I am very much.
10:46I am a big Kansas City fan.
10:48Okay.
10:48So, win-lose-a-draw, it's going to help them out.
10:51Yeah.
10:51I agree.
10:51If they lose, it's because they did something foolish.
10:53Yeah.
10:54Yeah.
10:55So what did you say?
10:55I said 65%.
10:5765%?
10:57Mm-hmm.
10:58Yeah.
10:58Yeah.
11:00Brandon?
11:01I said 95%.
11:03Wow.
11:04Yeah.
11:05It could be that hard.
11:07People really believe it.
11:08All right.
11:09What did the average American say?
11:1552%.
11:15Mark goes through.
11:17Yes!
11:18Mark is closest, and that means he's moving on to the next round with Courtney.
11:22Unfortunately, Brandon, you are the most below average American tonight.
11:26Thank you for playing.
11:27Thank you so much.
11:28Good job.
11:29Thank you so much, guys.
11:30When we come back, Request the Crown, The Greatest Average American continues.
11:34Our players have proven their averageness.
11:37And now it's my turn.
11:38Do not go anywhere.
11:45Welcome back to The Greatest Average American.
11:48Courtney and Mark are one step closer to playing for the average American salary of $67,920.
11:56All right.
11:58This next round is all about getting into the mind and body of the original Greatest Average
12:03American himself.
12:04And, uh, that's me.
12:07And tonight we will be testing my knowledge on NFL teams.
12:14All right.
12:16I will have 60 seconds to name as many of the 32 NFL teams as I can.
12:21And to figure out who's going to the bonus round, you two are predicting how well I'm going to do.
12:27Here's how this works.
12:28One of you will start off by guessing exactly how many teams I can name in 60 seconds.
12:33The other will then write over if you think I would name more than that or under if you think
12:38I would name less.
12:39If they're right, they're heading to the bonus round.
12:42Courtney, you scored the highest in the first round, so you get to decide.
12:45Would you like to guess the number or the over-under?
12:48I am going to guess the over-under.
12:50Okay.
12:51All right.
12:52Mark, how many of the 32 NFL teams do you think I can name in 60 seconds?
12:58Write down your guess and show Courtney and the audience.
13:01I don't want to see it, so my eyes are closed.
13:04Courtney, do you think I'll go over that number or under it?
13:07Write it down.
13:08And don't show anyone.
13:09No one can see it.
13:11Answers are in.
13:11All right.
13:13It's my time to shine.
13:14Greg.
13:18Oh, boy.
13:19All right, Nate.
13:19We got this.
13:20Oh, boy.
13:20All right.
13:2260 seconds on the clock, please.
13:25Good luck, Nate.
13:26All right.
13:27On your mark, get set.
13:30Nate.
13:31Titans, Ravens, Bengals, Colts, Cowboys, Giants, Jets, Dolphins.
13:43Rams, Chargers.
13:4545 seconds.
13:47Texans.
13:47You're doing great.
13:49Raiders.
13:52Patriots.
13:53What is it?
13:55Buccaneers.
13:5630 seconds.
13:57You're halfway home.
14:00Falcons.
14:03I'm just picturing.
14:05And then, oh, man.
14:07How many is that?
14:0815?
14:09You're at 15.
14:0915.
14:1015 seconds, too.
14:12Oh, man.
14:13Now it's all blanking.
14:17Uh...
14:19I was trying to get a picture of the draft tour.
14:22Uh...
14:23I said the Buccaneers, Patriots.
14:25Time!
14:25Oh, my gosh.
14:26I thought...
14:28I'm sorry.
14:29I apologize.
14:33I should've got more.
14:35I mean, I get...
14:36Nate, you got 15.
14:3815.
14:38A lot of, uh, AFC bias.
14:40Yeah.
14:42That is true.
14:43Look, I think if I wasn't on TV and it wasn't 60 seconds, I could've got them all.
14:49Who did I forget?
14:52Uh...
14:52Uh, that's a lot.
14:54If only, uh, Mark would've mentioned one of these NFL teams earlier in the program.
15:00Thank you, Mr. Craig.
15:00Oh, that's right.
15:01Kansas City.
15:02Yeah.
15:03I'm sorry, Mark.
15:04I'm sorry.
15:07All right.
15:08Mark, this is the moment of truth.
15:10How many did you think I could do?
15:13I said 25, Nate.
15:15Oh, man.
15:16I should've.
15:17I'm sorry.
15:18Mark, I should've.
15:20You was on a good roll for me.
15:21I was on a good roll for me.
15:22You was a good roll.
15:23Courtney, if you guessed under, you win.
15:25But if it's over, then you're going home.
15:28What did you say?
15:30I said under!
15:32Wow!
15:33This means Courtney is moving on!
15:36Good job!
15:37Good job!
15:38Congratulations.
15:39You are the greatest average American.
15:42And you deserve a little something, so how about $10,000?
15:45But can't she turn it into $67,920?
15:49Find out and re-return to the greatest average American.
16:03Welcome back.
16:04I'm here with our winner, Courtney.
16:06She has earned the coveted title of greatest average American.
16:11And with that comes $10,000, all right?
16:14And that's yours to keep.
16:16But now you have a chance to increase your winnings to the average American salary of $67,920.
16:25I'm going to put a little extra in there to help pay your taxes.
16:28Wow!
16:29So there you go.
16:31What will you do if you win it?
16:32I have a one-year-old, and there are toys everywhere.
16:35So I need somebody to come organize my life, tell me what to do, and make it look pretty.
16:40And then the rest I would probably use for childcare, because childcare is not cheap.
16:44Very true.
16:45All right.
16:46That was a great thing to be using it for.
16:49All right.
16:50You showed you can think like the average American, but there's one more group of average Americans you need to
16:55face.
16:55And that is our audience.
17:00Before the show, we asked them seven questions, all right?
17:03You will have 30 seconds to correctly predict how the majority of them answered.
17:08Get five right, and you go home with $67,920.
17:12But beware, because it's three strikes and you're out.
17:15All right, audience.
17:16It's your answers that are helping win this money, so you should have some skin in the game.
17:21If Courtney wins, you're all going home with one of my favorite things.
17:24Julian, what are they getting?
17:2612 cans of Bush's Baked Beans.
17:28Oh, yeah.
17:30You gotta love Bush's Baked Beans.
17:33Yeah.
17:33It's my favorite staple of any dinner.
17:36And let's be honest, no meal is complete without them.
17:39All right.
17:4030 seconds on the clock.
17:42You feel good?
17:43I feel great.
17:44Here we go.
17:47Would this audience rather play on the swings or the monkey bars?
17:50Swings.
17:52Do they prefer diet soda or regular?
17:54Regular.
17:56Have they ever used a typewriter?
17:58No.
17:59Which would they rather watch, wrestling or UFC?
18:02Wrestling.
18:04Would they rather spend spring break in my...
18:06Las Vegas.
18:07Do they open their mail every day?
18:11What are they more likely to pick in a coin?
18:13Tails, yes.
18:15Seven questions.
18:15There we go.
18:17That's a good answer.
18:19Do you feel good?
18:21I don't feel the greatest.
18:22Yeah, do you feel...
18:23You know, as soon as you say something and it comes out of your mouth, you're like,
18:25Courtney, why did you say that?
18:26So...
18:27Yeah, no.
18:28Would this audience rather play on the swings or the monkey bars?
18:31You said swings.
18:32I did say swings.
18:33I think this age group would be swinging.
18:37Did the audience say swings?
18:41There we go.
18:42There we go.
18:44All right.
18:46Do they prefer diet soda or regular soda?
18:49This is one I'm nervous about.
18:50Because I prefer regular, but I probably should be drinking the diet.
18:55So...
18:55I'm a diet drinker myself.
18:57Oh, gosh.
18:57I know.
18:58That's tough.
18:59I don't want to make it worse, but I do prefer it.
19:02Oh, wow.
19:02I know, but that's not them.
19:05Let's see.
19:07Do they prefer diet soda or regular soda?
19:10You said regular.
19:11Audience, did you agree?
19:16They did!
19:18Wow.
19:19Wow.
19:22Look at that.
19:24I'm surprised.
19:25All right.
19:26Have they ever used a typewriter?
19:29Have you used a typewriter?
19:30No.
19:31No.
19:31You haven't.
19:31Okay.
19:32All right.
19:33Well, let's find out.
19:34Have they ever used a typewriter?
19:35You said no.
19:36Audience, did you say no?
19:39All right.
19:40All right.
19:40That's just one strike.
19:43That's okay.
19:46Which would they rather watch?
19:48Wrestling or UFC?
19:49You said wrestling.
19:50Do you watch wrestling?
19:51Or you would?
19:52I watch wrestling because of my husband.
19:54Yes.
19:54So I have been to WrestleMania.
19:57Yeah.
19:57Wow.
19:58I would go to UFC.
19:59Again, I keep making it worse.
20:01I'm sorry.
20:02I don't know.
20:03I don't know.
20:03I don't know how to be at game shows.
20:05I promise.
20:06All right.
20:08Which would they rather watch?
20:09You said wrestling.
20:10Audience.
20:11Did you say wrestling?
20:14There it is.
20:17Wrestling's tried and true.
20:18Everybody goes.
20:19All right.
20:21Would they rather spend spring break in Miami or Las Vegas?
20:25I'm a betting girl.
20:26I'm a betting girl.
20:26And I'm hoping we have some gamblers in the audience.
20:29Yeah.
20:31Miami, yeah.
20:31All of us in Tennessee.
20:32Miami might be.
20:33It's a little too much for us.
20:35Yeah.
20:35It's not as laid back.
20:36They don't say y'all.
20:37There's no sweet tea, Nate.
20:38But we can make it to Tallahassee and then we gotta...
20:40That's as far as we go.
20:41We go back.
20:41Then we gotta head back up.
20:42We gotta head back.
20:43Yeah.
20:44All right.
20:44Would they rather spend spring break in Miami or Las Vegas?
20:48You said Las Vegas.
20:49Audience.
20:50Did you say Las Vegas?
20:54Oh my gosh.
20:56Miami.
20:57I don't know if I believe any of these people have been to Miami.
21:00Las Vegas.
21:00They're using typewriters.
21:01They're going to Florida.
21:06That is true.
21:07That's true.
21:08That is true.
21:09That's true.
21:09It does make sense now.
21:11All right.
21:12They got two strikes.
21:14You need these last two to be right.
21:17Do they open their mail every day?
21:20You said yes.
21:21Audience.
21:22Did you say yes?
21:24Yes.
21:29Oh, man.
21:33We're still alive.
21:37You know what?
21:38Because online stuff, you might not be opening mail every day.
21:41I didn't want to bring that up because I brought up bad stuff the other times.
21:47All right.
21:48This is it.
21:49So my chance at the money is coming down to a coin toss.
21:52Literal coin toss.
21:55You've got four right.
21:56You've got two strikes.
21:58This is the one you need.
21:59This is for $67,920.
22:08What are they more likely to pick in a coin toss?
22:12Heads or tails?
22:13You said tails.
22:14Is there any reasoning for that?
22:16Is it?
22:17So what I always pick.
22:18You always pick tails.
22:18I feel like it's the sexier choice, if we're being honest.
22:20Oh, wow.
22:21Yeah.
22:21Yeah.
22:22All right.
22:22I never...
22:23I think that now.
22:25Uh...
22:26Boy, is it.
22:27The sexier choice.
22:29This is for $67,920.
22:32All comes to a coin flip.
22:34Audience, did you pick tails?
22:42Oh.
22:47Oh.
22:47Oh.
22:48I'm so sorry.
22:49You're still going home with $10,000.
22:51All right.
22:52Audience, you might not have won a ton of Bush's baked beans, but I think we can still give you
22:58a can at least.
22:59Bring them out!
23:03When we come back, three new players will battle out to see who they won.
23:07Who's the most average?
23:08Do not go anywhere.
23:09The Greatest Average American will be right back.
23:22Welcome back to The Greatest Average American.
23:24Our pursuit of average continues with three new contestants.
23:27Let's see who we've got.
23:29Greg?
23:30We have a seventh grade math teacher.
23:32From the great state of Mississippi, welcome Kristen.
23:35Yeah!
23:37A retired mail carrier from New York City.
23:41Put your hands together for John.
23:43Oh, my God.
23:45Oh, my God.
23:45And a ghost tour guide from New Hampshire.
23:49Please say hello to Kelsey.
23:52Go!
23:53Go!
23:54Go!
23:54Whoo!
23:56Kelsey, ghost tours.
23:58Well, Nate, I recently discovered this talent because I moved down to Charleston.
24:01Yeah.
24:02Um, just taking people through all the haunted spots because it is an old city and it is
24:06full of ghosts.
24:07Oh, wow.
24:08All right.
24:09We got to do this on the road, boys.
24:11Yeah.
24:11No thanks.
24:13All right.
24:13Let's get to the game.
24:14These first two questions are worth one point each.
24:18We asked 100 average Americans if you ran into a real life Martian.
24:22What's the first thing you do?
24:24A, introduce yourself.
24:27B, try to capture it.
24:30C, pass out.
24:32D, just play it cool.
24:34You have 10 seconds.
24:38What did the average American say?
24:42Would you play it cool?
24:44Just...
24:45Hey, man.
24:46Hey, man.
24:46Nice to see you.
24:47Nice to see you.
24:48All right.
24:49Kristen, you're going to show me an average of what you think the American said.
24:52Oh, yeah.
24:53Is that the same answer that you would do?
24:55Absolutely.
24:56Absolutely.
24:56What is that?
24:58It's D playing cool.
24:59It is playing cool.
25:00Yeah.
25:01I agree.
25:01Yeah, you just come in and go, what's up, man?
25:03Yeah.
25:03And then he's like, I'm Martian.
25:05You're like, yeah, man.
25:06We all kind of are.
25:08You know what I mean?
25:08Yeah, yeah.
25:10John?
25:11Well, I'm vibing that also.
25:12I'm going to play it cool with myself.
25:13You're going to play it cool, too.
25:14I see that.
25:15I see that.
25:17Introducing yourself, you don't know how they're going to take that.
25:20No.
25:20Are they going to get aggressive with you?
25:21Yeah.
25:22Are they going to just snatch you up and bring you on a ship?
25:24Yeah.
25:25And pass out?
25:25That could happen.
25:26Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:28Kelsey?
25:29I am saying B.
25:30Try to capture it.
25:31Yeah, I could see it.
25:33If this was 100 average Europeans, I think we could go with Play It Cool.
25:37Yeah.
25:37Americans have seen enough alien movies.
25:38You're capturing that guy.
25:39We love it.
25:39We're capturing it.
25:40What do you do after you catch it?
25:41You just...
25:42Facebook Marketplace.
25:43Facebook Marketplace.
25:45That's where you got to go.
25:46There is an idea.
25:46That's where you got to go.
25:48All right.
25:48Let's find out.
25:49What did the average American say?
25:54All right.
25:55Just Play It Cool.
25:56Kristen and John.
25:58Very cool.
25:58One point each.
26:00Try to capture it was last place, basically.
26:04Story of my life.
26:05This is...
26:05Yeah.
26:07Next question, please.
26:10We asked the 100 average single American women.
26:13What type of picture is most likely to give you the ick when it's front and center on a guy's
26:19dating profile?
26:21A, shirtless.
26:23Oh, God.
26:24B, head cut off.
26:27C, selfie in a dirty mirror.
26:30D, holding a fish.
26:33All right.
26:34Ten seconds.
26:36Greg, you're on the dating sites.
26:38Yeah.
26:38You got a picture?
26:39I got the fish picture.
26:41You got a fish picture.
26:42Women love it.
26:44John, I'll start with you.
26:45What do you think the average single American woman would say?
26:49I'm gonna say D, holding a fish.
26:51Fish.
26:52Yeah.
26:52Now, strangely enough, ick is a fish disease.
26:56Oh, really?
26:57I don't know if they know that, but...
26:58I mean, I can't imagine if they're on those sites, they know ick is a real disease.
27:02I'm swiping right on John.
27:04I love John.
27:05Yeah.
27:07Kristen?
27:07I am gonna agree with John on that one.
27:10I said D, the fish.
27:12For the literal ick or different?
27:14Okay, not for the literal ick.
27:15First of all, I hate fishing.
27:17That picture alone gives me the ick.
27:19Yeah.
27:20Kelsey, what'd you say?
27:21I went C, selfie and dirty mirror.
27:23Yeah.
27:23I mean, thank you!
27:25Thank you!
27:26Because it's like, you couldn't even take three seconds to grab some Windex and wipe this
27:32down for a picture you're posting as a potential dating site.
27:36I mean, what if it's not his mirror?
27:37That's even worse?
27:37Yeah, it's even worse.
27:38Yeah.
27:40What did the average single American woman say?
27:45Head cut off.
27:46Oh!
27:47What?
27:48Oh, wow.
27:48That doesn't make any sense.
27:50If he's gonna cut his own head off.
27:53All right, this is the last question.
27:55This next one is worth two points.
27:57This one's a little different because you're guessing the percentage of people from zero
28:00to a hundred.
28:03We asked 100 average Americans, what year is this in Roman numerals?
28:07What percent got it correct?
28:10Ten seconds.
28:11I mean, is this the year you graduated high school, Greg?
28:19Nate, I just want to be clear, that's a shot at my age, right?
28:22It is.
28:24I know the year.
28:25You know it.
28:26Don't say it.
28:27How many people know?
28:27Just raise your hand.
28:29A good bit of you know the year.
28:31Wow.
28:32You do know it?
28:33I took Latin in high school.
28:34What year is it?
28:35Uh, it is 2023.
28:37Oh, wow.
28:38Yeah.
28:40There we go.
28:42Uh, that's funny too when I made the joke about you graduating that year.
28:46Uh, it makes no sense.
28:48You nailed it.
28:51Well, Kelsey, let's start with you.
28:53You got zero points.
28:53What percent do you think got it correct?
28:55I went a little conservative.
28:56I said 42%.
28:57Yeah.
28:58I think that's like nice right in the middle.
28:59That feels about right.
29:01John?
29:02Well, I'm feeling the 2023 in the numbers.
29:04Yeah.
29:05I'm saying I went 23%.
29:0623%.
29:07Yeah.
29:08Maybe something's going on there.
29:09You know, not everybody's going to know this.
29:11Kristen?
29:11I had no faith.
29:13I went 17%.
29:1417%.
29:15Yeah.
29:15Nice and low.
29:17Let's find out.
29:18What do the average American say?
29:2438%.
29:24Kelsey.
29:25Kelsey, does that mean you are moving on to the next round?
29:28Oh, my God.
29:31High five.
29:31High five.
29:32All right.
29:32This is for John and Kristen.
29:33To break this tie, I'm going to ask a percentage question.
29:36Whichever player gets closest to the correct answer, we'll be moving on.
29:40Here we go.
29:42We asked 100 average Americans under 40.
29:45When you watch TV, are you also usually on your phone at the same time?
29:50What percent said yes?
29:52Average Americans under 40.
29:57They're probably on it as they watch this right now.
30:02Kristen?
30:03I mean, so I'm under 40, right?
30:06Yeah.
30:06I'm on my phone all the time.
30:07But there are some TV shows I'm locked in for.
30:10Yeah.
30:10Right?
30:10I went under 40, 40%.
30:13Yeah.
30:14Yeah.
30:14I don't know.
30:15I don't think everybody is.
30:18John?
30:19Well, I'm over 40.
30:20Okay.
30:21Barely.
30:23A little bit.
30:23A little bit over 40.
30:25So I went 44%.
30:27Ooh.
30:2744%.
30:28Wow.
30:29All right.
30:30This is going to be interesting.
30:31Yeah.
30:32This is to see who goes on to the next round.
30:36What was the percentage said?
30:4367%.
30:44John is closest, and that means he's moving on to the next round with Kelsey.
30:49Unfortunately, Kristen, you were wonderful to play with, but tonight you are the most below average American.
30:55When the greatest average American returns, I'm going back to school.
30:59Do not go anywhere.
31:10Welcome back to The Greatest Average American.
31:12Kelsey and John are one step closer to playing for the average American salary of $67,920.
31:22This next round is all about getting into the mind and body of the original Greatest Average American himself.
31:28Uh, that's me.
31:31So tonight I am playing...
31:34Back to School.
31:37All right.
31:38I will start there at kindergarten, and I have 90 seconds to move my way up towards 12th grade.
31:45At each grade level, I will have one question to answer that matches the difficulty you would normally see in
31:51that grade.
31:52If I get it right, I go up to the next grade.
31:55If I get it wrong, I stop right there, even if there's time left.
31:59And to figure out who's going to the bonus round, you two are predicting how I'm going to do.
32:03One of you will start off by guessing what grade I can reach in 90 seconds.
32:07The other will then write over if you think I will make it to a higher grade, or under if
32:12you think I'll flunk out before then.
32:15John, what grade do you think I can reach with 90 seconds on the clock?
32:19Write it down, but I don't want to see.
32:22Okay, John, Nate did attend school.
32:25Yeah.
32:27We don't know how he did.
32:31All right.
32:32Kelsey, do you think I reach over that number, or under it?
32:38Answers are in.
32:40So it's time to go back to school.
32:43Doug, what grade are you in?
32:45Sixth.
32:46So I at least got to beat sixth.
32:49Julian?
32:51Maybe this time you'll get to make the basketball team.
32:54Oh, yeah.
32:56Ninety seconds on the clock, please.
32:58On your mark, get set, Nate.
33:01Kindergarten, which item is shaped like a circle?
33:04Button.
33:05Button, correct.
33:06First grade, what color do you get when you mix yellow and blue?
33:12Uh...
33:14Red.
33:17Not yellow.
33:18No.
33:19I think it's green.
33:21It's green.
33:22Yeah, green.
33:22You flunked the first grade.
33:26Wait, should we have him go?
33:28I'm in green.
33:33I was...
33:33I'd like to say I'm colorblind.
33:35I'd like to say that.
33:36Oh, yes.
33:37That should count for something.
33:39That one threw me off for first grade.
33:41Yeah.
33:42The first one was like, I gotta pick a circle.
33:46I would think first grade's like, what color is this?
33:49And I would say yellow.
33:50I don't think we're mixing colors.
33:53They're not gonna air this, are they?
33:55I hope not.
33:57The sixth grade kid in the audience is shaking his head right now.
34:00I mean, I let you down.
34:02Honestly, I feel bad for John.
34:06Moment of truth, John.
34:08What grade did you think I would make it to?
34:10I figured I'd at least make it to high school.
34:12Yeah, freshman.
34:14You wrote down freshman.
34:16All right, Kelsey.
34:17If you guessed under, you win.
34:19But if it's over, then you're going home.
34:23What did you say?
34:25I also thought you were gonna do better,
34:27but not past the sixth grade.
34:28I said under!
34:31That means Kelsey is moving on.
34:33Congratulations.
34:35You are the greatest average American.
34:38You deserve a little something,
34:40so we're gonna give you $10,000.
34:43There you go.
34:45But can she turn it into $67,920?
34:50Find out in the bonus round,
34:52and we return to the greatest average American.
34:57I messed up.
35:00My parents are here.
35:02They were.
35:03They were.
35:12Welcome back.
35:13I'm here with our winner, Kelsey.
35:16She has earned the coveted title
35:17of the greatest average American.
35:20With that comes $10,000.
35:22Very exciting.
35:24Cheers to keep no matter what,
35:25and now you have a chance of winning $67,920.
35:32And we'll throw in a little extra
35:33to help cover all your taxes.
35:36So there you go.
35:37Thank you, Nate. Thank you.
35:39Absolutely.
35:39What will you do if you win it?
35:41Well, Nate, I've loved traveling since I was a kid.
35:44My parents in the audience are actually both Army members,
35:47so they moved around every four years.
35:49Yeah, yeah.
35:49So I would be taking that money
35:50to help me complete my 30 countries by 30 goal.
35:53Oh, wow.
35:54I'm at 25 now.
35:55Wow.
35:55So I'm taking that straight to Southeast Asia.
35:58Yeah.
35:58They're cheap and clustered.
35:59My money will go far.
36:01You love it.
36:02That's awesome.
36:03That's awesome.
36:04All right.
36:04Well, I hope we can get there.
36:05Yes, let's do it.
36:06All right.
36:07You showed you can think like the average American,
36:08but there's one more group of average Americans you need to face,
36:11and that is our audience.
36:13Yes.
36:13Okay. All right.
36:14We got this.
36:15We got this, guys.
36:17Before the show, we asked them seven questions.
36:20You have 30 seconds to correctly predict
36:22how the majority of them answered.
36:23Get five right, and you're going to go home with $67,920.
36:27Yay!
36:28Okay, okay.
36:30But beware, because it's three strikes and you're out.
36:33If Kelsey wins, you're all going home with one of my favorite things.
36:37Julian, what is that?
36:38They will be going home with Mel's drive-in gift card.
36:41All right.
36:42All right.
36:47Take a breath.
36:48You feel good?
36:49I feel ready.
36:50Let's do this.
36:5030 seconds on the clock.
36:52All right.
36:53Here we go.
36:56Which situation does this audience think makes it harder to sleep?
37:00Too hot, too cold?
37:01Too hot.
37:03Do they like haunted houses?
37:06Yes.
37:06Yes.
37:08Which do they prefer, big cities, small towns?
37:11Big cities.
37:13Do they watch the Olympics when they're on?
37:15Yes.
37:17Which would they rather wear, leather jacket, jean jacket?
37:20Jean jacket.
37:22Would they rather do a jigsaw puzzle or a crossword puzzle?
37:26Jigsaw.
37:28Do they have ketchup packets in a drawer at home?
37:30Yes.
37:30Yes.
37:31All right.
37:31There we go.
37:32All right.
37:32Got to dig it in there.
37:33I know.
37:33Got it in there.
37:34We stuck it in.
37:35Let's take a look at your answers.
37:36You need five of them to win.
37:38Let's start with the first one.
37:39Which situation does this audience think makes it harder to sleep?
37:42Too hot?
37:43Too cold?
37:44Come on, audience.
37:45You said too hot.
37:45Audience, did you say too hot?
37:49Yes!
37:50There we go.
37:52There you go.
37:53Good job.
37:55Good job.
37:55All right.
37:56One down.
37:56All right.
37:57Do they like haunted houses?
37:59This is your world?
38:00Yes.
38:01Yeah.
38:01And Nashville is a performative city.
38:03Yes.
38:03So, if anything, we love getting out of our norm.
38:05We love getting out of the comfort zone.
38:07So, yes.
38:07Go through a little haunted house.
38:09They love it.
38:09Yeah.
38:10Be a part of it even.
38:11Yeah, it's a fun time.
38:12You said yes.
38:13I said yes.
38:14Audience, do you like haunted houses?
38:16Come on, babies.
38:19Oh!
38:20No.
38:20Wow.
38:21What?
38:21All right.
38:22What?
38:22Wow.
38:23Look at them.
38:23Look at them and judge them.
38:25Judge them.
38:25And it gets all red, too?
38:27Yeah.
38:27Yeah, they're a little scared.
38:28They're all spooky.
38:28Who do they think they are?
38:30All right.
38:31Which do they prefer?
38:33This will be interesting.
38:34I see.
38:34We're living in Nashville, so...
38:36It is a big city.
38:37Yeah, yeah.
38:37We kind of have to prefer big cities, right?
38:38Yeah.
38:38As big as it gets.
38:39It's as big as it gets.
38:40You know, having people watching this.
38:42The fact that in Tennessee, we're like,
38:44this is a big city right here.
38:45This is crazy.
38:48Uh...
38:48Which do they prefer?
38:49Big city, small town.
38:50You said big city.
38:52Audience.
38:53Do you prefer a big city?
38:55Oh, I don't like those.
38:55No, I did.
38:57Oh, no!
38:59Oh, man.
39:01All right.
39:01Got to go...
39:02Yeah, we got to be perfect from here on out.
39:04Right?
39:05It's a big comeback.
39:06We're looking for perfect.
39:06We're going to get a comeback.
39:07Come on.
39:07This is going to be...
39:10A full run.
39:11I believe in me.
39:12I believe in Nashville.
39:13Wow.
39:13That's our slogan.
39:15All right.
39:15Do they watch the Olympics when they're on?
39:17You said yes.
39:18I said yes.
39:19Right?
39:20Yes.
39:20Right?
39:21We should be watching it.
39:23Audience, did you say yes?
39:25Come on, baby!
39:27There we go.
39:28There we go.
39:29There we go.
39:29We're turning around.
39:30There we go.
39:31All right.
39:31Now we're good.
39:31Now we're rolling.
39:32Now we're rolling.
39:33That's the direction we want to be going in.
39:34All right.
39:35Which would they rather wear?
39:36Is it a leather jacket or a jean jacket?
39:38This could go either way.
39:39This really could, but...
39:40But jean jacket, you know...
39:42Nashville's a denim.
39:43Nashville's a jean...
39:43We're denim.
39:44Yeah, it's a denim city.
39:45We're a denim city.
39:46You go out on Broadway, I only see so many leather.
39:48It's all jean jackets.
39:49It's all jean jackets.
39:49I got three in my closet.
39:51Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:51Audience, did you say jean jacket?
39:53Come on!
39:54I like these noises.
39:58Yeah!
39:59All right.
40:01Whoo!
40:02Oh, my goodness.
40:03My heart is pounding.
40:04Whoo!
40:04Whoo!
40:06Oh, man.
40:07This is a weird one.
40:08This one, yeah.
40:10Would they rather do a jigsaw puzzle or a crossword puzzle?
40:15Obviously, with my answer earlier, I would do a jigsaw.
40:17Yes.
40:19Uh...
40:20Right?
40:21Six squares.
40:22Six squares.
40:23There ain't gonna be a lot of pieces.
40:26All right.
40:26You need this one to be right.
40:27I need this one to be right.
40:28I need them all to be right.
40:29All right.
40:30You need them all to be right.
40:31But this one is the most important right now.
40:33Audience, did you say jigsaw?
40:36Come on, jigsaw.
40:37Yes!
40:38Whoo!
40:39Whoo!
40:40Whoo!
40:40That is...
40:41Yeah.
40:42That's a good one.
40:43I love that.
40:44I was nervous about that one.
40:46I was nervous about that one.
40:47Oh, my God.
40:47Thanks.
40:48That one was like...
40:49I don't think y'all would've made it too far on the grade, either.
40:52So...
40:53It comes down to this.
40:54This is real.
40:56Are y'all really...
40:56Like, if y'all ain't from Nashville...
40:58Like...
40:59This should be a no-brainer.
41:02Do they have ketchup packets in a drawer at home?
41:06Who do you think you are if you don't?
41:09Or maybe they just have yellow and blue packets and they mix them together.
41:12And they mix them together.
41:13And make red...
41:13To make red packets.
41:15Yeah.
41:15There you go.
41:15He used to be my friend, but he's not no more.
41:20$67,920 is coming down to ketchup packets.
41:23If I win, you win.
41:24Let's go!
41:26I wouldn't have won it any other way.
41:28You wouldn't have won it any other way.
41:30Audience, do you keep ketchup packets in your drawer at home?
41:36Gene!
41:39Oh, no!
41:40What?
41:41What?
41:42That's crazy!
41:44Oh, my God!
41:46I'm sorry!
41:47I...
41:47I agree!
41:48I know.
41:48I don't even...
41:49Look, you're still going home at $10,000.
41:51I know, I'm not.
41:52Still got $10,000.
41:53Better luck next time.
41:55Audience, no mail drive-in for you tonight.
41:58Liar!
41:59Yeah, definitely.
41:59You don't deserve it!
42:01Join us next time to watch another Average American rise to greatness right here on The Greatest Average American.
42:08Good night!
42:10I can't believe it.
42:11I can't...
42:12Are you kidding me?
42:13I don't know.
42:15We're all, like, so short.
42:17They be like, yeah.
42:18The audience is even cheering me on.
42:19They're like, yeah, we did say it.
42:21And, like, you know you didn't say it.
42:22I know.
42:22I thought they did it.
42:23I know.
42:23Oh the fuck...
42:24You mean how much is your current vector?
42:33Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:33Yeah, totally.
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