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Denis Medical S02E16
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FunTranscript
00:03Doing my first EMT ride-along today, Joyce makes all the nurses do them so we better
00:07understand the patient experience. I'm a little nervous, it's basically my normal job but while
00:11running red lights. Bruce and Maddie hitting the road. Yeah, when I heard Maddie's number
00:15got called I knew I had to tag along. I used to do these back when I was a young
00:18cub and
00:18they were always insane. Awesome. Yeah, a friend in med school had to reattach a guy's
00:23thumb right there on the highway median. Wow. Yeah, added about an eighth of an inch in length.
00:28What is that, why is that good? Well, guy's got a longer thumb now. Yeah, this is where
00:33heroes are born, war stories immortalized. Today it's our turn, man. Strap in. Awesome.
00:40Oh, should I take a drammamine? I've never looked backwards in a car before.
00:53Push! Oh, welcome to Earth.
00:58Oh, you lucky little baby. You just plopped out into St. Denis's new birthing center. If that was
01:05gross, leave it out. We are excited because we are about to hire our new head midwife. She's going
01:12to be the face of this whole operation. And to help me, I have Alex here as my trusted right
01:17-hand
01:18man. Woman. Yeah, we're not at the Democratic National Convention, Alex. It's fine. You know what? I would just like
01:23to say, Joyce, I am very proud of you.
01:26You've worked really hard to get here. Oh, well, preach. The delays, the setbacks, the failed inspection. We are bleeding
01:32my knee.
01:33Wait, really? Oh, yeah. Sometimes when I take a bath, I slide down into the water, and I think, I'm
01:38never coming up.
01:39Well, that's not good. Yeah. Okay, we're going to put you on a 10-day course of this, and you
01:45will be right as rain.
01:47Can we monitor him for a few minutes before discharging?
01:50Sure. Can I have my pen back?
01:53What pen? Oh, this? This is mine. No, that's my pen. Nope. It is my pen, and it has the
02:02best click. The best click, exactly. And that smooth ink. It doesn't smudge, I know, because it's my pen. Well,
02:08I know that pen very well. I've had that pen for weeks. Months. It's got to be on the side.
02:12It's got to be on the side, and the rest is smudged out. I know this because it is my
02:16pen.
02:16When working in a hospital like this with limited supplies and worn-out equipment, to actually find something that works,
02:23it's like a ray of sunshine. So when I am using this pen, I am my best self. Here, bring
02:30the mic closer.
02:35Ah, so good. I like butter.
02:39Well, you've delivered thousands of babies. That's amazing.
02:43Well, I'm a hard worker, and I bounce from farm to farm.
02:47Sorry, farm to farm?
02:48I mostly deliver pigs and goats.
02:51And how many humans?
02:53How many humans what?
02:54I encourage all my mothers to eat the placenta.
02:57Oh, yum.
02:59Also, the umbilical cord.
03:00You, can you eat that?
03:02Oh, yeah. You can pretty much eat anything that falls out.
03:06Double yum.
03:08Can I smoke in here?
03:10Sorry. I don't move as well as I used to.
03:15Or do I?
03:18Wow. Okay.
03:24Come on over. Take a seat. We'll talk a little bit.
03:29I can't.
03:31So I made a late-in-life career change, and I've been assisting over at the clinic in Drayton for
03:35the past 16 months.
03:36Nice, Mel. All right. And it says here that you are a man.
03:42Oh, yeah.
03:43Great.
03:44Yeah, I like to call myself a mid-husband.
03:46Sounds like most husbands.
03:48Yeah.
03:48I guess.
03:49That's great.
03:49I don't know what the problem is. You just don't have enough human experience.
03:54You know what? A pig's vagina and a human's vagina are nearly identical. You can barely tell the difference.
04:00I think we can probably tell the difference.
04:02Okay.
04:03What's that?
04:04That is a human vagina.
04:06Wrong.
04:07Pig.
04:08Oh, wait.
04:10Okay. That is a...
04:12That is a human vagina.
04:14Yeah.
04:14The tan lines kind of gave it away.
04:16Oh.
04:17So many lives saved in here.
04:19And many more lost.
04:20Right where we're sitting.
04:22Smell of death in the air.
04:24That's just an air freshener.
04:25Click it onto the vent.
04:26Right here.
04:27Okay. Let's just go. Let's hit it, guys.
04:29You gotta buckle up.
04:30Uh, nah. We'll raw dog it.
04:32You know, I gotta be ready to leap out.
04:33All normal dog it.
04:34Not me, bud. I eat danger.
04:36Come on. Let's go.
04:37You can't leave until you buckle up.
04:39What? Seriously?
04:43Okay. We're all good back here.
04:46We gotta hear the click.
04:49Okay.
04:49There you go. Let's go.
04:51Hit the lights.
04:52We can't.
04:53We had a whole meeting about it.
04:54Let's play some music, then.
04:55Nope.
04:56Too distracting.
05:00Hey, guys.
05:01Has anybody seen a white pen with a faded V on the side?
05:04Hey, can we order more 2x2 gauze?
05:05Let's handle the yell outs as they come in, okay?
05:07Has anyone seen my picture of Linda?
05:09Why would anyone steal a picture of your wife?
05:11That's what's got me concerned.
05:13Shh.
05:13Wyatt.
05:17You took my pen.
05:19I took my pen.
05:21Did you take the picture of Linda?
05:23No.
05:24Why would I do that?
05:25Yeah.
05:26That's the puzzle.
05:27Okay.
05:28This next resume looks really good, though.
05:29Um, you know, she's got an advanced degree and great references.
05:33Oh.
05:33Experience with human babies.
05:36Proficient in Excel.
05:37Yeah.
05:38Fingers crossed.
05:39Okay.
05:41Hi there.
05:41Nice to meet you.
05:42Hi.
05:42Welcome.
05:43Come on in.
05:43No way.
05:46What a small world.
05:48Ashley Lawrence, that's you?
05:50Of course it is.
05:52Hey, Grace.
05:53Look at you.
05:56Alex, Ashley is dating Sanderson, my former fiance.
06:00Oh.
06:01And they met right in front of me.
06:03How are you, girlfriend?
06:04I'm good.
06:05Thank you so much for having me.
06:07I hope this isn't too weird.
06:09Weird?
06:10No.
06:10If anything, it's weird that it's not weird.
06:12Oh.
06:13Well, then I guess it is weird, then.
06:15Oh, she's funny, too.
06:16I see that.
06:17Yay!
06:18Yay!
06:20Oh, that's fun.
06:22Okay.
06:23Years of experience and a C&M degree from Michigan.
06:26That's one of the best programs in the country.
06:27Top program.
06:28Yeah.
06:28Ain't none higher.
06:29Yeah, I valued my time there.
06:31But to be honest, I didn't lock into midwifery until I started working with actual mothers.
06:37Smart and passionate.
06:39I can see why Sanderson likes you.
06:42So, he's a great guy, isn't he?
06:44Yeah, he is.
06:45Okay, so this period at the Merrick family.
06:47Although I could do without him eating all of his meals over the sink.
06:51Oh, my gosh.
06:52Right?
06:53And then he's like, the sink is a natural trough.
06:57Oh, my.
06:57A natural trough.
07:01And how about how he's always late for days?
07:04Be on time for once, buddy.
07:06Yeah.
07:07Well, I haven't really noticed that, but...
07:11Well, who would keep you waiting?
07:13A beauty like you?
07:14You are beautiful.
07:15Okay.
07:17Toned.
07:18You've got quite a body on you.
07:20I like it.
07:20I like it.
07:21I don't think we need to talk about Ashley's...
07:23Oh, do you not like it?
07:23No, I don't.
07:24No, you know, thank you.
07:26In my line of work, I see lots of bodies, and to me, they're all beautiful.
07:29I rate every woman I've ever met on a 10-point scale.
07:33I'm disgusting.
07:35What do you...
07:35How would you rate me?
07:36Okay, I think we're good here.
07:38Yeah?
07:38All right, thank you for coming in.
07:40We're good for today.
07:42I think we really have a great professional relationship.
07:46Pure class.
07:47Ashley.
07:48I love you.
07:50So you go take care of yourself and stay near that phone, okay?
07:57Wow, yuck.
07:59She is weird.
08:03All right, urgent call.
08:04We're first on the stand.
08:05We've got to move.
08:06On me.
08:06Go!
08:07Go, go!
08:08All right.
08:10Hey!
08:12Patience is actually over here.
08:13Oh.
08:14Hey, bee sting.
08:15I thought I was allergic, but I think I'm okay.
08:18All right.
08:18You should probably get that stinger out, though, huh?
08:20Oh, yeah, it's much higher on this side.
08:23Okay, one, two...
08:25Oh, looks like I fell out already.
08:27Oh, okay.
08:27Ice pack or no ice pack?
08:28Matt.
08:29Ice pack.
08:29Good call.
08:30Oh, the wall's super wet, guys.
08:33Damn it.
08:34I lost a shoe in the mud.
08:36Matt, I need you to get me some new sneakers.
08:39That faded bee on the side.
08:40I bet you don't know what it used to say.
08:42Banking alone, a feast organ.
08:44Ooh, fast answer and wrong.
08:46Reddleston dental.
08:47That's where I go.
08:48The guy who was using too much nitrous on his patients?
08:51Uh, no.
08:51Knocking them out and taking pictures of them naked?
08:53Ron, I'm so sorry.
08:54It didn't happen.
08:56I was given that pin, unmolested, as a reward for not needing sunglasses during my last cleaning.
09:02I was at the bank counter.
09:03Teller gave me the stink eye, she turned her back, and I ripped this right off its chain.
09:07You're lying about the bank?
09:08You're lying about the dentist.
09:10Ashley is the winner here.
09:11And I know it might be a little bit uncomfortable, but if you want my opinion...
09:14Uncomfortable?
09:15No, I broke up with Sanderson.
09:17I'm fine.
09:18Okay, great.
09:18Then let's hire her.
09:19Except I just, I don't think she's a good fit.
09:22And if I had a gun to my head right now, I think I'd have to pick, um, Mel.
09:26Mel?
09:26Yeah.
09:27Okay, well, he's not as experienced.
09:30Not as experienced?
09:32Oh, I see what's going on here.
09:34You have a problem with Mel because he's a man.
09:37Sorry, Alex, but I think that's very prejudiced.
09:40What are you talking about?
09:41Val, does the idea of a male midwife seem weird to you?
09:45Yep.
09:45No, try again, Val.
09:47That is sexist.
09:48I'm okay with that.
09:49Okay, well, what about a midwife who's obsessed with pig vaginas?
09:52Because that's our second choice.
09:53How is that our second choice?
09:55Fine!
09:55You know what?
09:55They were all bad.
09:56We'll do it again in a couple months.
09:57You would delay the opening again?
09:59Joyce, you just got everything back on schedule.
10:01I thought they were bleeding money.
10:03Well, we'll just have to cut corners in other departments and tighten our belts.
10:06You are letting a personal issue affect everyone who works here.
10:09Watch it!
10:10Alex, you're overstepping!
10:14We're lucky.
10:15Hasn't been too bad so far.
10:16It's been very bad, Pat.
10:17Really?
10:18It's been pretty calm, pretty easy.
10:20Exactly.
10:20We've been stuck with a bunch of boring duds.
10:23A bee stinger man, a lady who just had to fart, some guy faking heat stroke.
10:29Not faking.
10:30Uh, it's cloudy and 65 degrees outside.
10:32Scattered clouds.
10:33You know, sometimes that makes the bright spots seem hotter.
10:35Matt, I swear to God.
10:38You really should buckle up.
10:40Is he not buckled up?
10:41I am buckling!
10:43I'm buckled!
10:44Oh my God!
10:46Hey.
10:47Alex, I'm sorry.
10:48We need to spend some time apart.
10:49Well, we can't.
10:50We can.
10:51I'm asking you to go back to work.
10:52We can't because Mel and Ashley are waiting outside.
10:55I brought them back for a second interview.
10:57Are you insane?
10:58Joyce, I'm here for a reason.
11:00Yeah, to take notes.
11:02I keep wanting you to do that.
11:03But I see no notes.
11:04No, I'm here because you trust me.
11:06All right?
11:07And deep down, I think you know that these are our best options.
11:10Okay.
11:10Deep down, I really want you to kiss my butt.
11:13Joyce.
11:14I do not want them.
11:14Just calm.
11:15Alex, I do not want them here.
11:19Hey.
11:20Come on in.
11:2332, 33, and 34.
11:25Bingo.
11:26Hello, ma'am?
11:27Ma'am?
11:28Ma'am, we're here to help you.
11:29This woman's life alert went off.
11:31Not really sure what we're getting into.
11:32All right, ma'am, can you unlock the door?
11:34Oh, I'm stuck on the ground.
11:37All right.
11:37We're going to have to bust through this thing.
11:39On me, boys.
11:39We're supposed to call the fire department.
11:41Listen, I'm not going to sit around and wait for a bunch of flame chasers to swoop in
11:44and be the heroes here.
11:46Look.
11:47All right.
11:49I can walk along this ledge, climb through that window, and unlock the door from the inside.
11:53Bruce.
11:53I'll be fine.
11:54If we don't act now, we might lose her.
11:56I think I'll be all right.
11:57Save your strength, ma'am.
11:59You need food.
11:59You need water.
12:00I fell pretty close to my cat's water bowl.
12:03What?
12:03Just shh.
12:04God, come on, Matt.
12:05You're going to make this lady drink cat water?
12:07I'm not in charge here.
12:08I am.
12:09We wait for the fire department.
12:11All right.
12:11Well, Dave, you're the boss, so I guess we wait.
12:15What the?
12:16Hey, don't do that.
12:17I wish I had a choice.
12:23What the hell are you doing, man?
12:25Suck it, Dave.
12:26Some of us are heroes.
12:29Why is this window locked?
12:31I guess so people don't walk along the ledge and try to break in.
12:34Well, it's going to take more than a locked window.
12:37This is not gross.
12:40Aren't two locked windows?
12:42Are you kidding me?
12:43All right.
12:44What if I, uh...
12:45Oh, God.
12:46Okay.
12:47Wow.
12:48It's pretty high up, actually.
12:49You okay, Bruce?
12:50Huh?
12:50Yep.
12:50I might take a step back towards you, okay?
12:52Okay.
12:56Oh, God.
12:58All right.
12:58Great.
12:59Good first step.
13:00That was great.
13:02Could you walk back?
13:03Nah.
13:04Body's not working.
13:05I'm not scared.
13:06You know, just a rational, physical reaction to the potential consequence of a fall.
13:10All right.
13:10Well, you're going to be fine.
13:11Yeah.
13:11Unless I fall.
13:12Yeah.
13:13Hey!
13:14Neighbor had a key.
13:16Firefighter's on the way.
13:16We're going to circle back.
13:17Okay?
13:18Great.
13:18All good.
13:19And the leg's not broken.
13:21Just a knee screen.
13:22Oh, cool.
13:24Happy ending.
13:25Nice to meet you.
13:26No, man, what are you doing?
13:28Stop.
13:28That's okay.
13:29I'm fine with heights.
13:30Wow.
13:30Yeah.
13:31Actually, you made that look easy.
13:32Yeah.
13:32I used to climb up silos, clean them out.
13:34Oh, so you had an advantage, then.
13:36Yeah.
13:36Plus, I had an uncle who fell to his death, and what are the odds that it happens to two
13:39guys in the same family?
13:41Okay.
13:41Take my hand.
13:42No!
13:42I'll pull you down.
13:43You'll kill us both.
13:44Okay.
13:44Well, here we are, side by side, like we all wanted.
13:47I'm so happy to be here.
13:48Sorry.
13:49I was mid-remark, like we all wanted.
13:52Okay?
13:53Mel, what do you prioritize?
13:56The health of the baby, the health of the mother, or both?
13:59Ooh, that's a toughie.
14:01Uh, I guess I'd say both.
14:04Oh, I would definitely say both, too.
14:06Okay.
14:07Well, Mel has dibs on both, so you need to pick something else.
14:10Oh.
14:10Mother or baby?
14:11Uh, I guess I'd prioritize the mother.
14:15Okay.
14:15So the baby is not as important.
14:17Joyce, I'm pretty sure that Ashley is also allowed to say both.
14:20Okay, Ashley, what's your greatest weakness?
14:22I guess I'd say work-life balance.
14:25I tend to pour my whole heart into the moms I take care of.
14:30Mel, hit me with your greatest strength.
14:31Online poker.
14:33But it's also my greatest weakness.
14:37We got a blocked airway in 103.
14:39Emergency train?
14:40Looking like it.
14:41I gotta make an alternative airway.
14:43Uh, give me a pin or something.
14:45A pad?
14:45Yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:46Let's go, let's go.
14:47Shouldn't you be rushing in?
14:48Yeah, I'm gonna rush in, but I need the pin first.
14:57If you don't give me that pin, I'm gonna take it.
15:01You can try.
15:02But if you touch this pin, I'm gonna scream.
15:04But you're not gonna scream.
15:07Ah!
15:10This is so embarrassing.
15:13I was supposed to be the hero today, and now I'm being rescued?
15:16Well, because I'm, well, not scared.
15:19I'm just jammed up.
15:21Hey, I get scared all the time.
15:22Jammed up, I said.
15:23I'm just trying to tell you, people already look up to you.
15:25You know, people already see you as a hero.
15:28You don't have to walk around pretending to be brave all the time.
15:30Oh, I walk around pretending?
15:31What about you?
15:32Hey, why are you mad at me?
15:33It's called lashing out, Matt.
15:35I'm trying to help.
15:36Yeah, well, you're the pretender.
15:37You are.
15:38Oh, I'm so scared of an ambulance.
15:40I'm so scared of life.
15:41I'm scared to pursue Serena.
15:43What?
15:43Serena?
15:44I don't, I don't like her like that anymore, man.
15:46I don't.
15:47I don't.
15:47We're friends.
15:48You could lie to the world.
15:49You could lie to yourself.
15:51But don't lie to Bruce.
15:52Not right before we both fall to our deaths.
15:55What does it matter anyway?
15:57We're clearly not a match.
15:58Stop that.
15:59Enough with the sad sack act.
16:00You know, I'll admit, you had me fooled.
16:02I used to think you were weak, too.
16:04In body and mind.
16:05But look at you.
16:06Your mind is strong.
16:07You crushed it today.
16:09And now you're out here risking your life all for the sake of your mentor and role model?
16:12You're strong, man.
16:14We can work on the body.
16:16Okay.
16:16The point is, if you're feeling jammed up about Serena, maybe take a walk on that ledge.
16:22Huh.
16:24All right, let's play some word association.
16:25I want to just see how your brain works, okay?
16:28Mel, pregnancy.
16:29Baby.
16:30Bullseye.
16:30Ashley.
16:31Jeffrey Upstein.
16:32No, sorry.
16:33Please don't answer that.
16:34Ashley, to be clear, I was going to say bad.
16:37Well, that's pretty mild for what he did.
16:39Joyce, can we just listen?
16:41I'm going to ask you both the only question that actually matters.
16:45Why should the women who come here trust you with their babies?
16:49This is my passion, my calling.
16:52The health of our community starts at birth.
16:55I really believe that, and I know that's a cornerstone of Joyce's vision.
16:59I will do everything in my power to make sure that the mothers who come here feel safe and loved.
17:13I mean, Ashley's last answer was perfect.
17:17And Mel said same, plus the punctual thing.
17:21Okay, he was 15 minutes late to his interview.
17:23This birthing center is my baby.
17:25I don't go in and tell you how to parent Ella and your son, whose name is, what?
17:31It can't be Cheddar, can it?
17:33All right, well, you just admit it, okay?
17:35Admit that your judgment is clouded.
17:37Of course it's clouded, okay?
17:39Are you happy?
17:40It hurts, Alex.
17:42I know I broke up with Sanderson, but I don't know if I can see her every day.
17:48Joyce, I know, okay?
17:50I know it hurts, but this is your baby, and that's why you have to listen to your heart.
17:55You know, when it comes to Ella and Cheddar...
18:00Luke, I don't know why that happened.
18:02When it comes to our babies, there's nothing that is too hard or too awful to endure for their sake.
18:08Listen, that is my opinion, but it is your decision.
18:20What's the game this time?
18:22Serena, can I please have the pen?
18:25Ew, what's going on?
18:26That pen helps me, and I would like to ask, would you help me?
18:33Fine.
18:35That's all you have to say.
18:37Really?
18:37No, but the emotions are awkward, and I'd like to put this behind us.
18:40Oh, yeah, well, I really appreciate it.
18:42And, uh, by all means, finish.
18:47No.
18:48Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
18:50What?
18:51It's out of ink.
18:52Here, you try.
18:53Come on, baby, don't die on me, don't...
18:56Oh, damn!
18:59This place, man.
19:02I'm sorry, Ron.
19:09Just a moment of silence?
19:12This is the right decision.
19:15Hello?
19:16Mel.
19:17Got some spectacular news.
19:19Oh, wow.
19:20Honestly, I didn't think I had a chance.
19:21You know, Ashley was just so impressive.
19:23She was.
19:23Yeah.
19:24She certainly was.
19:29Joyce?
19:30Sorry.
19:30I, um, I was just thinking, this whole thing has taken so many years of my life, and it's
19:35a huge decision, and now it's down to just you and Ashley.
19:41Wait, so you haven't chosen me yet, so I'm sorry, I don't have the job?
19:45No, you do, you do, if we choose you.
19:48I'm confused.
19:49Have you chosen me?
19:50We have.
19:51Okay, grab me.
19:52Not.
19:53But you're still in the mix, and it is looking pretty good.
19:57Great, because I just really need this job.
19:59Unless you don't get the job.
20:01Why are you doing this?
20:03Which is unfortunately what is happening here.
20:06I don't think we can make this work unless we can.
20:10No, we can't.
20:10I'm sorry about this.
20:12I'm really sorry.
20:13I'm going to send you $1,000.
20:15Yes.
20:15No, I'm not.
20:16Bye, Mel.
20:17Goodbye.
20:18Please, no.
20:19Ashley is going to be amazing, and it says a lot about her that she had the guts to ask
20:25her boyfriend's ex-fiancé for a job.
20:28But in a way, it says even more about me, that I have the confidence and maturity to
20:35hire her.
20:36Tough job, though.
20:37Head midwife.
20:39Always on call.
20:40It's rough on a relationship.
20:43But yeah, she's going to be amazing.
20:46Not what I was expecting.
20:47I didn't save a patient.
20:49No glory was won.
20:50Or was it?
20:52Yeah, I think I just changed Matt's life.
20:54Set him on a new course.
20:56So, when you think about it, who rescued who?
20:59In a way, I guess you could say we all rescued each other.
21:02Hey.
21:03You walking or you getting on?
21:04Nope.
21:05I'll go buy the book on this one.
21:12Hey, you've got to buckle up, man.
21:14Yeah, eat me, Dave.
21:15Have a good day.
21:24You
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