- 4 hours ago
Girls Help Girls- Divorce Or Die
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:04So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:08All right, it's about that time.
00:00:10So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:19Yeah, him.
00:00:22Hi!
00:00:23Just play along.
00:00:24Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:30Happy New Year!
00:00:54You have a cute scar.
00:00:55It's just my birthmark.
00:00:58If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:02I don't want you to stop.
00:01:04Church, I'm Express.
00:01:08There are days to come!
00:01:12Of course, of course.
00:01:15Have you stopped?
00:01:20How many nights do?
00:01:26The deadline is already done.
00:01:35I was so drunk last night. I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:42I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:51Happy New Year.
00:01:52Sam, it's me. Hey, find me the girl from last night. I don't care how. Just do it.
00:01:58I will find you.
00:02:04Maximus, can you get married already? Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend. I need grandkids. I need
00:02:13you to...
00:02:13Message received, Mom. I need to go now. I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:26Seven years. Why can't I ever find you? And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:39Still thinking about that girl? Boss, it's been years.
00:02:46I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:48Your vest, sir.
00:02:50But first, we found her fake Christmas wife. She's waiting in the coffee shop. Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:55And, sir, make sure you use an alias. We can't have her know you the Harrison Group CEO or she'll
00:03:01jack up the price.
00:03:02Good. Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:07Hi. One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:03:10And one hot chocolate.
00:03:13I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:16Now Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:22Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend. It's just for Christmas.
00:03:25But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy? Where's my real one?
00:03:36I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:38Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:40Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:44Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:48Daddy!
00:03:49Oh, what?
00:03:57Daddy!
00:03:58Oh, I'm sorry.
00:04:00I'm not your dad.
00:04:02No, I know you're my daddy. Just as handsome as I thought.
00:04:05Oh.
00:04:06Mommy, hurry. Your fake Christmas husband has arrived.
00:04:17I asked the agency for an average-looking guy. He's gorgeous.
00:04:27Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:30She's waiting in the coffee shop. Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:33You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:36So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:38See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:41Hi, my name's Hyper. What's your name?
00:04:44Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:47Max, Aurelius.
00:04:48Eva.
00:04:49I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:54I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:57I guess mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:05:00So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:05:06$1,000 an hour?
00:05:07Well, yeah.
00:05:09It's $500 a day.
00:05:11Is that enough?
00:05:13That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:14Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:16That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:18You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:20Look, my requirements are simple.
00:05:22Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one big happy
00:05:27family.
00:05:28And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:34So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:37Fine.
00:05:38But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:43Okay.
00:05:44Deal.
00:05:47Ready to go get married?
00:06:02Wow.
00:06:03Clean up nice.
00:06:05This is my wedding day, after all.
00:06:07Pixie!
00:06:15You're supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:37Ah-choo!
00:06:41Okay.
00:06:42Uh, well, I think we got it.
00:06:43Ooh.
00:06:44I need some photos of us together, too.
00:06:47To prove to my parents that I'm actually married and have a happy family.
00:06:51Yeah.
00:06:51Of course.
00:07:02Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:04From my family to you.
00:07:14Bad news, boss, the agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife failed last minute.
00:07:19Wait, she bailed.
00:07:20Wait, she bailed.
00:07:21Then who is...
00:07:24Who is she?
00:07:26Whatever.
00:07:28It doesn't matter.
00:07:30I've got what I need.
00:07:33Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:35I already found someone.
00:07:41Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:44Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:46Christmas shopping?
00:07:47I should come.
00:07:49Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan, I think I
00:07:53should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:55It will make it more believable.
00:08:00Fine.
00:08:01Yeah, fine.
00:08:01Okay.
00:08:02You can come.
00:08:10Let's go.
00:08:11Which mall are we going to?
00:08:13Um, we're supposed to go to that one.
00:08:15Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:08:20Oh, what the actual fuck?
00:08:27Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:33Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:39She does kind of look like him.
00:08:44So, when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:49Here, let me get this.
00:08:52I'm going to love you, Max.
00:08:54Oh, so, I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice.
00:09:05In front of them.
00:09:05Okay.
00:09:07Should we use our tongues or...
00:09:09No, no, definitely not.
00:09:11And absolutely no...
00:09:12Sex?
00:09:13Yes.
00:09:14This is strictly business.
00:09:17Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:09:20What?
00:09:21Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:24I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:31Let's go.
00:09:38Here.
00:09:39What are you doing?
00:09:40I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:44Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:09:50Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:5350% off pies?
00:09:55Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:5712 pumpkin pies, did I hear this right?
00:09:58They're the best kind.
00:10:00Hurry up and go.
00:10:01Go.
00:10:01What are you standing here for?
00:10:04Hello there.
00:10:05Hi.
00:10:06You ready?
00:10:06Yes, yeah.
00:10:07Just these things.
00:10:08Okay, great.
00:10:09We have a holiday special today.
00:10:11Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:10:17deal.
00:10:17Oh, great.
00:10:18Yeah.
00:10:18What do you have that's just $15?
00:10:20Well, can you get a move on?
00:10:23I just got here.
00:10:24Relax.
00:10:25Yeah, yeah.
00:10:29Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:31Okay, thank you.
00:10:33Hurry up and pay.
00:10:37I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:39You can wait your turn.
00:10:45Damn.
00:10:46My fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:53Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:54Not the pies.
00:10:55Not the pies.
00:10:56You can just set those on top.
00:11:02Hi, guys.
00:11:04I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:11:10Of course.
00:11:11Thank you so much.
00:11:12Of course.
00:11:13I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:15She bought all 12 pies.
00:11:17Don't worry.
00:11:17I have enough for everybody.
00:11:19Just to give it away.
00:11:21Merry Christmas.
00:11:22Merry Christmas.
00:11:28What?
00:11:29Do you do that often?
00:11:31As often as I can.
00:11:36We should go.
00:11:38We got to pick up paper.
00:11:42Pip, watch out.
00:12:02You done feeling me up?
00:12:05Shut up.
00:12:05Oh, sorry.
00:12:06I was just in character, wifey.
00:12:08Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:12:15And don't be late.
00:12:28Harrison Group?
00:12:29Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:32Sort of.
00:12:33Not that I'm judging.
00:12:35I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:40Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:43I think that's respectful.
00:12:45Can we pick another company?
00:12:47No.
00:12:48Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:50And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:51My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:53So, it's perfect.
00:12:58Oh, and wear something nice for Christmas dinner?
00:13:02Don't worry.
00:13:03Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:13:05I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:08Too much.
00:13:29Let's go, Sam.
00:13:31It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:33Look on, you're covered in water, and you have a hair on your shoulder, and it's not yours.
00:13:38It's my daughter's.
00:13:40Water's.
00:13:42Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:59Hey, there they are!
00:14:02Nice to meet you!
00:14:04Oh, dad.
00:14:05I'm so glad you made it.
00:14:07Oh, I missed you.
00:14:08So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:14:13He's coming.
00:14:14Please don't tell me Maximus failed.
00:14:16Good, good, good.
00:14:18So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:22When's he arriving?
00:14:23Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:28Poor thing.
00:14:29Not surprising.
00:14:30I mean, she's 30.
00:14:32Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:35Plus, a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:41This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:44Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:50We're only worried about you.
00:14:52All these years without a husband.
00:14:54Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:56You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:59And look what happened.
00:15:00She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:15:04I'm not alone.
00:15:06Mm-hmm.
00:15:06And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:15:12He's a manager.
00:15:14Manager of what?
00:15:16Trash.
00:15:18Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:15:22You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:25Actually, he's right here.
00:15:31Oh, wow.
00:15:33Wow.
00:15:34He is really good looking.
00:15:38Oh, must be AI.
00:15:39Mm-hmm.
00:15:40Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:43Fake.
00:15:44That's enough.
00:15:45She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:47Show some respect.
00:15:49Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned him down?
00:15:56Well, guess what?
00:15:57William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:16:00Makes 500 grand a year.
00:16:03That's half a million.
00:16:05Half a million.
00:16:06Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:10And speak of the devil.
00:16:15Willie, you made it.
00:16:27There you are.
00:16:29Oh, look at you now.
00:16:32Living the dream.
00:16:33Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:35Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal waste manager.
00:16:41You're so married, huh?
00:16:43Is it serious?
00:16:45That's what marriage is.
00:16:47It's pretty serious.
00:16:48Wow.
00:16:49You must have rushed the time they're not, huh?
00:16:52Makes sense, though.
00:16:54You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:57Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:59Yeah, a bullet dodged, Willie.
00:17:02Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:05That's right.
00:17:07Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:17:11Women love a man in red.
00:17:13Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:16Want to sit on my lap?
00:17:18Don't touch me.
00:17:19Oh, so entitled.
00:17:22Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:25And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:30I mean, look at that car.
00:17:32Did your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:35Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:38Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:43I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:51My mom would never marry.
00:17:53She already has a husband.
00:17:54He's going to kick your butt.
00:17:59Is that so?
00:18:00Well, then, where is he?
00:18:03Because I don't see him.
00:18:05Does anyone see him?
00:18:08Now, just like I thought, telling lies just like mommy.
00:18:14That puts you on the naughty list.
00:18:16And let me show you what happens to the naughty children.
00:18:22Hey.
00:18:23Mommy.
00:18:24Hey.
00:18:24Are you okay?
00:18:25See your hands.
00:18:26Oh, my God.
00:18:28I'm going to take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:18:30Come on, now.
00:18:31Let's go.
00:18:33What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:35How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:39Let me go.
00:18:40Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:46Let me go.
00:19:01Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:19:08Max, you came.
00:19:10Don't worry, sweetie.
00:19:13Where's Piper?
00:19:15William Hitter.
00:19:17Mom, I'm dead.
00:19:18I'll take her inside.
00:19:19Well, it looks like we have a real Grinch to dispose of.
00:19:22Well, well, well.
00:19:23If it isn't the Waste Manager I've been hearing so much about.
00:19:27That's right.
00:19:29Now, I'm about to take out the trash.
00:19:33Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
00:19:35It's an honor to meet you.
00:19:36I'm Max.
00:19:38Eva told us all about you.
00:19:39From New York.
00:19:40Polite.
00:19:41Handsome.
00:19:42Just like she said.
00:19:44Wow.
00:19:45He was an AI.
00:19:47See?
00:19:48He's real.
00:19:49And he's more of a man here than William would ever dream to be.
00:19:52You son of a bitch.
00:19:54You just ruined my suit.
00:19:55And watch the way that you drive that...
00:19:57That pristine automobile.
00:20:00That car.
00:20:01Oh, my God.
00:20:02That's worth more than a house.
00:20:05That car.
00:20:06It was all over the news when the CEO of the Harrison Group bought it.
00:20:10Wait.
00:20:12Are you?
00:20:17Like I said, I'm just Eva's husband.
00:20:20And that's all he needs to know.
00:20:22I'm not here to put on a show for anyone.
00:20:24You really are a criminal, aren't you?
00:20:26You stole it.
00:20:27That car belongs to the CEO of my company.
00:20:30Jesus.
00:20:31How did you get away with it?
00:20:32That's what I want to know.
00:20:34Enough.
00:20:35Please.
00:20:37I trust my daughter.
00:20:39She would never marry a criminal.
00:20:42Max, be honest with me.
00:20:45Where did that car come from?
00:20:47How much did you want for it?
00:20:49I'll pay you more money than you'd make it three lifetimes.
00:20:53Sir?
00:20:54You need a breath, man.
00:20:58All right, that's it.
00:20:59I'm calling the cops.
00:21:00Oh, way ahead of you.
00:21:02Wait.
00:21:03What?
00:21:04Are you feeling nervous, Eva?
00:21:07Oh, well.
00:21:08Too late.
00:21:15Listen, hon.
00:21:16I believe you.
00:21:18But how could Max afford a car like that?
00:21:22Mr. Smith, don't worry.
00:21:24It's my car.
00:21:25Okay?
00:21:25It's not stolen.
00:21:26Yeah?
00:21:27If it's yours, then prove it.
00:21:30Cops will be here in 15 minutes.
00:21:32Enjoy Christmas behind bars.
00:21:34Okay.
00:21:35I'll prove that it's mine.
00:21:36But then you have to get lost.
00:21:38And never show your face around my wife or child again.
00:21:41Oh, so you're a tough guy, huh?
00:21:43Well, I hope they serve eggnog in prison.
00:21:46Loser!
00:21:46Say one more word, and I'll give him a real reason to take me in.
00:21:51Jesus.
00:21:52Maybe he is a crime boss.
00:21:54It's kind of sexy, though.
00:21:58Here.
00:21:59Title and proof of ownership.
00:22:08Oh, Stuart.
00:22:11Harrison?
00:22:13Mr. Harrison?
00:22:16Mr. Harrison?
00:22:18Just play along.
00:22:21Merry Christmas, Willie.
00:22:22Now get the fuck out of here.
00:22:24Before I kick your ass all the way up to the North Pole.
00:22:26Yes, sir!
00:22:27I'm so sorry, sir!
00:22:30Please, please, please.
00:22:30I'm so sorry, sir.
00:22:31Please.
00:22:41Oh, that William, what a jerk, huh?
00:22:46He fooled me.
00:22:47What can I say?
00:22:48Let's not let this little misunderstanding ruin the holidays.
00:22:52Oh, now you don't want to ruin Christmas?
00:22:54Oh, come on, Eva.
00:22:55We were just looking out for you.
00:22:58Please forgive us, Mr. Harrison.
00:23:00You know my youngest son is graduating soon.
00:23:03Do you think that you could help him get his foot in the door?
00:23:06A job at the Harrison Group, even in the mailroom, would open doors.
00:23:11We are family, aren't we?
00:23:13Family takes care of each other.
00:23:17If you guys want a job at the Harrison Group, you can put in an application like everyone else.
00:23:21Abigail, come on, talk to her for us.
00:23:24Didn't you just say that my daughter was undateable?
00:23:28Yeah, I think you need to take care of your own issues first.
00:23:31My daughter is just far too busy for your best life with my new son-in-law.
00:23:37Come on, guys, let's go in.
00:23:38Welcome to the family.
00:23:43Welcome.
00:23:44Come on.
00:23:48This is your fault, Pam.
00:23:50You can't tell the difference between AI and reality.
00:23:54My fault.
00:23:55You were the one who was pushing her onto that worm, William.
00:23:59Oh!
00:24:08Hey, how do you have that car?
00:24:10And how do you know the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:24:12And how do you...
00:24:13I told you.
00:24:13I work for Harrison Group, remember?
00:24:16I have a friend in high places.
00:24:18A friend who just hands you keys to million-dollar, one-of-a-kind luxury cars?
00:24:22Yes.
00:24:24It's the season of giving.
00:24:25Huh.
00:24:26He knows people.
00:24:27Has connections.
00:24:28He's a big deal kind of guy.
00:24:31You're a crime boss, right?
00:24:32Yeah, and you best not forget it, capisce?
00:24:34Oh my god, just don't blow your cover.
00:24:38Dad!
00:24:39Mom!
00:24:39Mom, thank you so much for letting Max and I stay in your home.
00:24:43Oh honey, we're just so happy that you found such a handsome, strong, good-looking.
00:24:50I think they get it on you.
00:24:52I think they get it on you.
00:24:54Uh, how's Piper?
00:24:55Oh, she's fine.
00:24:57One of you guys just get settled in and we will go check on her.
00:25:00And if your mom takes a cold shower, we'll come back and finish decorating the tree.
00:25:05Great.
00:25:06See you in a bit.
00:25:07Joey?
00:25:08Yeah.
00:25:08What are you doing?
00:25:11Okay.
00:25:13Hey, was that not a, uh, breach of contract?
00:25:19Relax.
00:25:20It was just a hug.
00:25:22Ugh.
00:25:24We just got here and I'm already exhausted.
00:25:27You'll be okay.
00:25:28It's just one week.
00:25:29Kill me now.
00:25:30Well, I would, but I need to get paid.
00:25:37What are you doing?
00:25:39That's weird.
00:25:41They were so lovey-dovey just a second ago then.
00:25:44Ugh.
00:25:44I don't know.
00:25:44Something just falls off.
00:25:46Come on.
00:25:46That's ridiculous.
00:25:48I mean, what do you want them to do?
00:25:50Make out progress?
00:25:51The program?
00:25:52Oh my goodness.
00:25:54Later.
00:25:57Let's go.
00:26:02Here we go.
00:26:04Piper is all tucked in, honey.
00:26:06Everything looks amazing and happy holidays.
00:26:09To the newest member of our family, Max.
00:26:12Aw.
00:26:14Welcome.
00:26:15Cheers.
00:26:15Thank you, Miss Smith.
00:26:17Looks great.
00:26:18Aw, just call me mom, honey.
00:26:20I had no idea what you liked, so I just whipped up a little bit of everything.
00:26:24But we all know what Eva's favorite Christmas dish is, right?
00:26:28Mmm.
00:26:29Oh, no.
00:26:30Mom's testing him.
00:26:31She's trying to see if he's legit.
00:26:33You mean to tell me you two are married and you don't even know my baby girl's favorite food?
00:26:39Ow.
00:26:40Eva, sweetie.
00:26:42Kicking my foot.
00:26:43Oh, sorry, mom.
00:26:44I...
00:26:45Oh, jeez.
00:26:46Oh, jeez.
00:26:46Come on, look what you're doing.
00:26:48It's okay.
00:26:49Look, mom, of course he knows it's...
00:26:51I would like to hear Max say it.
00:26:59Um...
00:27:05Twelve pumpkin pies.
00:27:07Did I hear this right?
00:27:08They're the best kind.
00:27:10Well, of course.
00:27:12It's...
00:27:12It's pumpkin pie.
00:27:14See?
00:27:15Are you happy now?
00:27:16That's good, but something still falls off.
00:27:19Mom, don't make it weird, okay?
00:27:21We had a whirlwind romance and we eloped before we got to know everything about each other,
00:27:27but our marriage is real.
00:27:29I guess your mom's just watching too many of those real short shows.
00:27:33Uh-huh.
00:27:34Now those are quality.
00:27:37Okay.
00:27:38Well, then answer this.
00:27:40Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:44Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:48I knew it was a good idea to pick this up.
00:27:51Well, um, it's...
00:27:53Silly face.
00:27:54Dropped it outside on the sidewalk.
00:27:57Luckily, I was there to pick it up for her.
00:27:59Silly face.
00:28:02I am not paying extra for this.
00:28:04Consider it a Christmas gift.
00:28:07Lousers.
00:28:08That's nice.
00:28:09You can afford this on a waste manager's salary?
00:28:12Well, believe it or not, Ms. Smith, there is a lot of garbage out there.
00:28:16And I'm not just talking about William.
00:28:18I'll drink to that.
00:28:20Guys, I agree with you there.
00:28:22So, come on, guys.
00:28:23Let's eat.
00:28:24Come on.
00:28:27Come on.
00:28:36And this is where y'all will be staying.
00:28:39I have another room set up for Piper.
00:28:42Nice and festive for you.
00:28:45No complications.
00:28:46Sorry, honey.
00:28:48Uh, Mom, you know what?
00:28:49I should stay with Piper tonight.
00:28:51Oh, honey.
00:28:52Newlyweds shouldn't sleep apart.
00:28:55Oh, I just remembered.
00:28:57The city's turning the water off at 10.
00:28:59Something about water conservation.
00:29:01That means you have 15 minutes to shower.
00:29:0315 minutes?
00:29:05Honey, it's no big deal.
00:29:07Just shower together.
00:29:09Shower together?
00:29:13Just shower together.
00:29:15Okay, you guys.
00:29:16Have a good night, okay?
00:29:21You heard her.
00:29:42Oh, no.
00:29:44Why are you stripping?
00:29:46Well, I can't take a shower with my clothes on.
00:29:49Come on, we're wasting time.
00:29:51You have 15 minutes.
00:29:51Nice try.
00:29:52I am not showering with you.
00:29:54All right.
00:29:55Suit yourself.
00:29:56All room for me in there.
00:29:57Not if I meet you there first.
00:30:15Come on, Max.
00:30:17Get out of the way.
00:30:19We agreed, nothing physical.
00:30:20You're the one with the dirty thoughts, wifey.
00:30:23Relax.
00:30:23I won't touch you unless you say you want me to.
00:30:27I know.
00:30:29But that'll cost extra.
00:30:31But that'll cost extra.
00:30:40And your dreams.
00:30:43Free to join me.
00:31:03You know, if you keep staring at my ass, you're not going to have me shower while you're
00:31:06left.
00:31:07You wish.
00:31:08Why don't you give in?
00:31:10Pray you'll fall for me.
00:31:13It's you who has to worry about resisting me.
00:31:15Oh, yeah?
00:31:16True.
00:31:29Holy shit.
00:31:33Oh, this is, um, this is going to be harder than I thought.
00:31:38I'll say.
00:31:39What happened to all that cool guy caught in?
00:31:42Still think you can resist?
00:31:45Oh, baby.
00:31:46I don't think I want to.
00:31:53Max, shut up.
00:31:57Or maybe we should.
00:31:59God, he's such a good kisser.
00:32:02Why does this feel so...
00:32:05familiar?
00:32:10Mom, we're so sexy.
00:32:21Max, we cannot do this.
00:32:24What?
00:32:24I didn't mean to cross any-
00:32:26It's not you, Max.
00:32:27It's us.
00:32:28It's this.
00:32:29This is all an act.
00:32:30Let's not make it more complicated than it is.
00:32:33You're right.
00:32:35I'm sorry.
00:32:37I just don't need to be sorry.
00:32:42Just...
00:32:47That birthmark.
00:32:52What is that?
00:32:55It's him.
00:32:56The man from New Year's.
00:32:57Is he...
00:32:58Piper's father?
00:33:03Why are you acting?
00:33:06Oh, my God.
00:33:08Max is Piper's father.
00:33:10Are you okay?
00:33:11Yeah.
00:33:13I just, um...
00:33:14I just got lightheaded.
00:33:16I think I just need a few more minutes.
00:33:18Alone.
00:33:20Of course.
00:33:24We have a daughter together.
00:33:26Oh, my God.
00:33:27What do I do?
00:33:34I'm gonna sleep on the floor.
00:33:36You can take the bed.
00:33:38Thanks.
00:33:40Hey.
00:33:42Are you sure you're okay?
00:33:44Look, fake marriage aside, I'm your husband for the next few days.
00:33:48So, if there's something you need, I can help.
00:33:51I wanna help.
00:33:53He's Piper's father.
00:33:54He has a right to know.
00:33:57Um...
00:33:58Max...
00:34:00How would you feel if you found out you had a kid?
00:34:06A child?
00:34:08No, no, no.
00:34:09That's impossible.
00:34:10I'm very careful.
00:34:13Mostly.
00:34:16I just mean I'm not the type of guy to sleep around.
00:34:18Family, to me, is a big commitment.
00:34:20And I don't want any loose ends.
00:34:23You know?
00:34:24Right.
00:34:26He wouldn't want a kid tying him down.
00:34:29I shouldn't tell him about Piper.
00:34:31Why do you ask?
00:34:33No reason. Just...
00:34:35Just curious.
00:34:36I feel like you're going somewhere with this.
00:34:40What?
00:34:41No.
00:34:42Well, then...
00:34:43Can I ask you a question?
00:34:46Shoot.
00:34:51Where did you get these?
00:34:53And how did you know my exact size?
00:34:55I did not get those.
00:34:57I don't know where those came from.
00:34:59Are you sure you're just not trying to break the contract?
00:35:04Come in, go.
00:35:05Come in, go.
00:35:06Come in.
00:35:09Oh, Elan.
00:35:20The truth is...
00:35:22Is that I...
00:35:25Go, go, go, go, go!
00:35:27Just a second.
00:35:28Come in!
00:35:43Oh, sorry for interrupting, but Piper is asking for a bedtime story before I tuck her in.
00:35:49Think you could take this one, Dad? We're kind of in the middle of something.
00:35:52I can see that.
00:35:54Well, why don't I read it to her? I mean, if you don't mind.
00:35:59Well, thatta boy. You know what? Just put a shirt on. I'm gonna go get her.
00:36:03Piper! Here comes Grandpa!
00:36:08He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew, like the down of
00:36:14a thistle.
00:36:15But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good
00:36:24night.
00:36:26If Piper knew he was her real dad, she'd be over the moon.
00:36:30Good night, Piper.
00:36:36Is her dad still around?
00:36:38Yeah, but he doesn't know it, because you are her dad.
00:36:42Uh, no.
00:36:43That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:36:51Do you really think so?
00:36:53From the bottom of my heart.
00:36:56Maybe I should tell him. He deserves to know.
00:37:04Max.
00:37:09You're Piper's father.
00:37:18I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:44Where's Piper?
00:37:46She must have snuck off while we were asleep.
00:38:04God, he's such a good kisser.
00:38:14Just gonna kiss and run?
00:38:17Not on my watch.
00:38:22Yeah, this.
00:38:24I remember this.
00:38:35Good morning, you two love bugs.
00:38:38How was your stay at Chateau Smith?
00:38:41Good morning, Miss Smith.
00:38:43It was, uh, it was great.
00:38:44Wonderful.
00:38:45Well, it's about to get even better.
00:38:49Oh, no.
00:38:51What is that?
00:38:52Sardines and Saltines.
00:38:53It's a Smith family classic.
00:38:55It was my Graham Graham's favorite during wartime.
00:38:58Don't be shy.
00:38:59Go ahead, grab a handful.
00:39:02Max, you don't have to.
00:39:03No, no, it's okay.
00:39:04It's a Smith family staple.
00:39:15Here we go.
00:39:26Good.
00:39:28Good?
00:39:29It's grumpy.
00:39:31Well, you two better get dressed.
00:39:33You gotta go see Aunt Miranda.
00:39:37Could I, um, could I have some water, please?
00:39:40That means there's no escaping Aunt Miranda and her brood this year.
00:39:43What's the deal with them?
00:39:45Every year, Aunt Miranda bullies Piper and I.
00:39:47Says Piper's a fatherless brat and I'm...
00:39:52Hey, don't worry.
00:39:53I'll protect you and Piper.
00:39:57Better have Sam on standby tonight, just in case.
00:40:02Well, looks like it's time to get dressed up then.
00:40:15Wait, that earring.
00:40:19Wait, that earring.
00:40:20You like it?
00:40:22I was so bummed when I lost the matching one years ago.
00:40:25Did you lose it seven years ago?
00:40:27I don't really remember the details, but
00:40:30luckily I was able to find a new pair.
00:40:33Right.
00:40:34That's just a common earring.
00:40:36Anyone can have it.
00:40:37Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
00:40:39She can't be the woman from seven years ago.
00:40:44So Ava and Piper still aren't here.
00:40:48But Derek said that Ava got married.
00:40:51What kind of man could she possibly have landed?
00:40:55An aging single mom.
00:40:57Slim pickings.
00:40:58I heard.
00:40:59He's in waste management.
00:41:01That explains it.
00:41:02She's probably too embarrassed to show up.
00:41:05Oh, please, Miranda.
00:41:07Look, Ava is your niece.
00:41:09Oh, come on, Grandpa.
00:41:11Everyone knows Ava had a kid with a random one-night stand.
00:41:14Her track record speaks for itself.
00:41:16Exactly.
00:41:17Not like my Sierra married to a legal advisor for Harrison Group.
00:41:23Oh, they're here.
00:41:26Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:33Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:34Merry Christmas.
00:41:36You must be Grandpa Harold.
00:41:38I am.
00:41:39I'm Ava's husband, Max.
00:41:41Pleasure to meet you.
00:41:42Welcome.
00:41:42You're Ava's husband.
00:41:45But you're gorgeous.
00:41:49But what is handsome as you?
00:41:51Look at you two.
00:41:52You look like you just stepped out of a movie.
00:41:54Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:41:57This is for Max and I.
00:41:59Oh, my goodness.
00:42:00Thank you, Ava.
00:42:01Let me grab that for you, Daddy.
00:42:04Oops.
00:42:05Oh, my bad.
00:42:06Oh, a homemade gift.
00:42:08How thrifty.
00:42:10Not all gifts are about the price tag.
00:42:13Mommy's right.
00:42:13You mean all high?
00:42:15You little.
00:42:17You will not lay a hand on my daughter, or you will lose yours.
00:42:22Oh, I think you broke my wrist.
00:42:25Look what you just did to my mother.
00:42:27My husband is Harrison Group's top legal advisor.
00:42:31He could ruin your life.
00:42:44Mommy, are you okay?
00:42:46I'm fine.
00:42:47I'm just wet, huh?
00:42:48Yeah.
00:42:49It's okay.
00:42:52What are you?
00:42:55Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:42:58Did you just slap me?
00:43:00Next time, it'll be a closed fist.
00:43:01You're a fucking psycho.
00:43:03You know what, Ciara?
00:43:04I can take your little insults, but leave my family out of this.
00:43:09Her family.
00:43:11She means me.
00:43:17You okay, honey?
00:43:18Do I look okay to you, dumbass?
00:43:20Do something.
00:43:22You don't know who you're messing with.
00:43:23I've got the full weight of the Harrison Group behind me.
00:43:26Oh, wow.
00:43:27I'm sure the CEO would love to hear that you're using his company's name
00:43:31to bully people.
00:43:32Like you'd have any idea how a CEO thinks.
00:43:35Let's call him.
00:43:36I'm sure he'd be more than happy to be on my side.
00:43:39Please, who do you think you are?
00:43:42Enough!
00:43:45There will be no arguing during Christmas.
00:43:48Fine, Dad.
00:43:49Let it go, Nathan.
00:43:51They're just jealous.
00:43:54For Grandpa's sake, I'll let you off easy.
00:43:57I think you owe Nathan a thank you.
00:44:00I think you owe me a thank you for slapping some sense into you.
00:44:04Do you want me to get the other cheek?
00:44:05All right, that's enough.
00:44:07Everyone come inside and sit down.
00:44:29Is this a joke?
00:44:32Can you please pass me some food?
00:44:34Hold it.
00:44:35Who said you could eat anything else?
00:44:37My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:43My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:46King crab, fresh from Alaska, and grass-fed wagyu.
00:44:51Three times the price, 50 times the flavor.
00:44:55And you don't get a single bite.
00:44:57It's just petty.
00:44:58Maybe so, but gourmet food isn't meant for bottom feeders.
00:45:04Fine.
00:45:05Then we won't stay and eat with you.
00:45:08Come on, let's go.
00:45:08No, no.
00:45:10Don't you dare leave our family dinner.
00:45:13Grandpa, I'm sorry, but they're treating us like...
00:45:16I know, dear.
00:45:17I just want to have our family together.
00:45:19Fine.
00:45:20We'll let the strays sit and eat with us.
00:45:23If they're a stray, then a bitch.
00:45:25What was that?
00:45:29I just want to have our family together.
00:45:32Fine.
00:45:33We'll stay.
00:45:35Can I have a little napole?
00:45:37It's okay, sweetie.
00:45:38We'll get something right after.
00:45:40Like drive-through?
00:45:42I hope you enjoy food poisoning.
00:45:44That will be a particularly memorable Christmas present.
00:45:49No strays.
00:45:51Ow.
00:45:51Sweetie, are you okay?
00:45:53Yes, please.
00:45:54You hit my child.
00:45:56You're fucking crazy.
00:45:57Well, if you'd teach her some manners, maybe I wouldn't have to.
00:46:04Don't worry, baby.
00:46:06I'll handle it.
00:46:09Don't worry, baby.
00:46:10I'll handle it.
00:46:15Piper, sweetie, are you ready to try the best food you've ever had in your life?
00:46:22Okay, sweetheart.
00:46:23Give me two minutes and one phone call.
00:46:25As if you have a chef on speed dial.
00:46:28Actually, I do.
00:46:31He's such a liar.
00:46:32This ought to be hilarious.
00:46:34Oh, it will be.
00:46:37Sam.
00:46:39Yeah, send the troops and bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:42I'm already on my way.
00:46:48Bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:50I'm already on my way.
00:46:53You hear this guy?
00:46:54He wants the best king crab in the world from Antarctica.
00:46:59Now I get why you married him, Eva.
00:47:02His silly delusions are just adorable.
00:47:05Max, what are you doing?
00:47:07Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
00:47:08Santa's already on his way.
00:47:10Actually, five, four, three, two, one.
00:47:19A helicopter?
00:47:27There's no way.
00:47:34How did you pull this off?
00:47:35Sam is like family.
00:47:36I thought I'd introduce you too.
00:47:38Thanks, boss.
00:47:40Boss?
00:47:41Eva's always been genuine with me.
00:47:43Maybe it's time she knew who I really am.
00:47:46Eva, I think it's time you actually know the truth.
00:47:50I'm Maximus Harrison.
00:47:53You're the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:47:56Mm-hmm.
00:47:59Come on.
00:48:01You can stop kidding around.
00:48:03If you were the CEO, why would you be here pretending to be my husband?
00:48:07No, I actually am the CEO.
00:48:09Come on.
00:48:10You can stop the charade.
00:48:11Okay, this is just another favor from that bigwig friend, isn't it?
00:48:14Eva, I'm not pretending.
00:48:16Okay.
00:48:17Mr. Harrison, the Antarctic king crab as you requested.
00:48:31How is this possible?
00:48:33This loser brings Antarctic king crab and has his own personal chef?
00:48:39Who are you?
00:48:41I told you, I'm Eva's husband.
00:48:43That chef called him Mr. Harrison.
00:48:46Wait.
00:48:47No.
00:48:47Hold on.
00:48:49You're the actual CEO of the Harrison Group?
00:48:54You're worth more than some whole countries.
00:48:57Some of the small ones.
00:48:59I mean, you know that.
00:49:01You work for me.
00:49:02Oh, God.
00:49:03I insulted my own boss.
00:49:05I'm finished.
00:49:11Oh, God.
00:49:12I insulted my own boss.
00:49:14I'm finished.
00:49:16Didn't think Max would commit this hard.
00:49:18Pretending to be CEO is a hell of a move.
00:49:20Worth every penny I'm paying him.
00:49:22For tonight, your fee stands.
00:49:24And with that, your career.
00:49:27You're fired.
00:49:29I'm fired?
00:49:30Sam?
00:49:34Fired?
00:49:35God.
00:49:36I can't be fired.
00:49:38What?
00:49:40Mr. Harrison, please.
00:49:41You can have as much crab as you want.
00:49:43Please, Mr. Harrison.
00:49:44I'll do anything.
00:49:46Guys, take out the trash.
00:49:53And you.
00:49:55Oh, me?
00:49:57Mr. Harrison, come on.
00:49:59That was a Christmas joke.
00:50:00A family tradition.
00:50:02Yeah, well, there's a new family tradition.
00:50:05Sam?
00:50:09Will you do me the honors?
00:50:12Gladly.
00:50:16Merry Christmas, Aunt Mary.
00:50:21Father, do something.
00:50:23Well, you kind of deserve that.
00:50:25I'm leaving.
00:50:27Mmm, pumpkin's my favorite.
00:50:35Come on, sweetie.
00:50:36Daddy had this crab line just for you.
00:50:38Eat as much as you want.
00:50:40Thanks, Daddy.
00:50:44I am so sorry I ruined your Christmas.
00:50:46I just couldn't take them treating you like that.
00:50:48Honestly?
00:50:50This is the best Christmas I've ever had.
00:50:53Well, if you want, we can have many more.
00:50:54Just like this.
00:50:56Does he really mean that?
00:50:57Or is he just playing the part?
00:51:00I can't tell.
00:51:01And that terrifies me.
00:51:07Merry Christmas, Mrs. Harrison.
00:51:09I brought you a gift.
00:51:10Here's the paternity test between the boss and that little girl.
00:51:18Oh, this is wonderful.
00:51:21Sam, I have a granddaughter.
00:51:24Tell me everything.
00:51:25Miss Eva Smith, single mother, small town gal, didn't finish high school, currently works in retail.
00:51:31Oh, Maximus, I thought I raised you better.
00:51:35A high school dropout?
00:51:37In the Harrison family?
00:51:40Not a chance.
00:51:44She is clearly unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:51:48Maximus seems to like her.
00:51:49Silence.
00:51:50Get me the address where she works.
00:51:52It's Happy Heels on Broadway.
00:51:54That's nice.
00:51:55We own that one.
00:51:57Good work.
00:51:58But take off that stupid hat.
00:52:10Thanks.
00:52:10Thanks.
00:52:11So your dad insisted that I try this wine that he's been saving for 20 years.
00:52:17Sounds like he's happy with his new son-in-law.
00:52:19And how about you?
00:52:24Me?
00:52:24Yeah.
00:52:26Are you happy with your new husband?
00:52:32Eva.
00:52:43That birthmark.
00:52:45Family to me is a big commitment, and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:52:51Maximus, there's so much we don't know, so much we're not telling each other.
00:52:55Uh, no feelings, no complications.
00:52:59That's what we agreed upon.
00:53:00Yeah, I didn't sign a contract.
00:53:02Max.
00:53:03Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:53:06It's cold.
00:53:09Maybe I'll go grab some more firewood.
00:53:12Max.
00:53:14I need to tell you something.
00:53:18Something important.
00:53:20What's gotten into her?
00:53:21Is she hiding something?
00:53:23Is this the part where you tell me there's no Santa?
00:53:27I haven't been completely honest with you.
00:53:32Piper is...
00:53:36Piper is...
00:53:36Mommy, Daddy, my hand hurts.
00:53:40Sweetie.
00:53:40Oh my gosh.
00:53:41It's all swollen.
00:53:42Must have been when that witch smacked her with the fork earlier.
00:53:45Listen, you stay here with Daddy. Mommy's gonna go get a first date kit, okay?
00:53:50Come on, Piper.
00:53:53Oh, okay, let me see.
00:53:58I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or Mommy again.
00:54:03But that's not true.
00:54:04You were leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:54:08Uh...
00:54:09Daddy!
00:54:10No!
00:54:11Well...
00:54:17Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:54:22Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:26Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:28Really?
00:54:29Please stay, Daddy.
00:54:33You think it was Scar?
00:54:40I wouldn't worry about it.
00:54:41Scars make you look like a badass.
00:54:43I have one, too.
00:54:46Dad, I got that when I was about your age.
00:54:48Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:54:52Really?
00:54:52No way.
00:54:54No.
00:54:54It was actually a cactus.
00:54:56But it's still cool.
00:54:59I have something like that on the back of my neck.
00:55:05Piper, how long have you had that?
00:55:07My mom said I had that when I was born.
00:55:14And how old are you?
00:55:16Six.
00:55:17Six?
00:55:18That one night stand was about seven years ago.
00:55:21Okay, I found the first aid kit.
00:55:23Evar, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:55:28What do I even say?
00:55:29And how do I explain it to Piper?
00:55:32Sorry, honey.
00:55:33This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:55:35Um, yeah.
00:55:40Can I see your hand, sweetie?
00:55:42Eva.
00:55:47Okay, look.
00:55:51Piper is...
00:55:57Go on.
00:56:04It must be an emergency.
00:56:06Excuse me.
00:56:08Sorry.
00:56:09I'll take this.
00:56:15Mommy, are you okay?
00:56:18Yeah.
00:56:20Mommy's just realizing she's a coward.
00:56:22I don't even have the guts to tell the truth.
00:56:28Why haven't you picked up my calls?
00:56:30I'm telling you, Max.
00:56:32That woman is manipulating you.
00:56:34She's a high school dropout.
00:56:36Doesn't even have a decent job.
00:56:38And she's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:56:41I'm Eva's husband, Max.
00:56:42That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:56:51I'm sorry, Max.
00:56:52You can't know Piper's your daughter.
00:56:54Your mother would take her away.
00:56:55After Christmas, it's over.
00:57:00Eva?
00:57:01Maximus?
00:57:02Are you even listening to me?
00:57:05No, mom, mom.
00:57:05Listen, I'm sorry, okay?
00:57:07Eva's my wife, and I've made up my mind.
00:57:09I'm not leaving her.
00:57:12Eva?
00:57:17Hold on.
00:57:18Oh, my God.
00:57:19Oh, my God.
00:57:20I need that.
00:57:22Oh, my God.
00:57:24Oh, my God.
00:57:24Oh, thank you, Mom.
00:57:25This is for you, Grandma.
00:57:31Oh, wow.
00:57:33That's so cool.
00:57:34What did you know?
00:57:35Uh, Derek, this is from, uh, Eva and I.
00:57:38Oh, thank you so much.
00:57:41Thanks, guys.
00:57:42I'm glad you're here.
00:57:45Got it!
00:57:45Oh!
00:57:47Damn, these are nice.
00:57:48Thanks.
00:57:49Grandpa, language, little ears.
00:57:57Piper, do you want to go see your present?
00:57:59It's in the other room by the train set.
00:58:00Here, I'll go with you.
00:58:01Remember the song that we sang?
00:58:03Oh.
00:58:03Ready, ready?
00:58:03Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
00:58:06We've got guys walking home from our house.
00:58:09Christmas Eve.
00:58:13You never told me.
00:58:17Have we met before?
00:58:23Have we met before?
00:58:26She's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:58:31I don't know what you're getting at.
00:58:34Eva, I have the same birthmark as Piper.
00:58:45I don't know what you're talking about.
00:58:46Lots of people have birthmarks.
00:58:48They're very common.
00:58:49I feel so awful, but I can't lose my child.
00:58:52No matter how I feel about him.
00:58:56Maybe.
00:58:59Are you okay?
00:59:02Are the clogs a bad idea?
00:59:05No, I'm fine.
00:59:09Oh, I almost forgot.
00:59:14I got you this.
00:59:16You got me a gift too?
00:59:17Tis the season.
00:59:19Open it.
00:59:33Gloves.
00:59:35Did you make these?
00:59:37Yeah.
00:59:38I know this is a fake marriage, but that's Christmas.
00:59:42You've already done so much for me.
00:59:44I just wanted to do a little something for you.
00:59:48How did I feel?
00:59:50Warm, right?
00:59:51Yeah.
00:59:53Warm.
00:59:54Soft.
00:59:58Perfect.
01:00:02Thank you, Eva.
01:00:04I've never gotten anything this meaningful before.
01:00:08Really?
01:00:10Yeah, my mom.
01:00:11Mom, she partied all the time, and I got gifts.
01:00:14Plenty of them, but I don't think she ever bought one herself.
01:00:21Nothing personal.
01:00:22Well, you deserve it.
01:00:24You're a good guy, and someday you'll find someone special to spend all your Christmases with.
01:00:34And what if that day is today?
01:00:39What if I already found someone special?
01:00:43Right here.
01:00:45That's it.
01:00:47Yeah.
01:00:49Yeah.
01:01:05I don't know.
01:01:06I don't know.
01:01:07Yeah.
01:01:08Yeah.
01:01:10You get it.
01:01:12If you want me to stop, you better tell me right now.
01:01:19Come on.
01:01:21I don't want you to stop.
01:01:28No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:01:41No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:01:46I don't want you.
01:01:55God, you are driving fucking insane.
01:02:02Piper!
01:02:14She can't see me.
01:02:33Eva?
01:02:37Grandma, I'm up here.
01:02:51That was way too close.
01:02:53Yeah.
01:02:54We would have gotten on the naughty list.
01:03:00Sometimes it's fun to be naughty.
01:03:04Can I still unwrap my present?
01:03:09And you still haven't given me mine.
01:03:15Let me give it to you.
01:03:16When you're going to see you again.
01:03:20Assume you.
01:03:21Oh, yeah, yeah.
01:03:27It's amazing.
01:03:33Be your mother, uppers you.
01:03:39This is what we do.
01:03:54Why are you calling me to serve me?
01:04:00Hello?
01:04:00Hello Eva Smith, I'm Max's mother, name your price, what will it take for you to leave
01:04:07my son alone?
01:04:09What?
01:04:09We both know my son is way out of your league.
01:04:13Take the money, leave my granddaughter with us, and go.
01:04:17My son will find a better wife and a better mother for his child.
01:04:21Piper is my daughter, and no amount of money you offer could ever make me give her up.
01:04:25So you keep your money, and I'll leave on my own, but I am not handing Piper over to
01:04:29you.
01:04:33Well there's my beautiful wife.
01:04:39You okay?
01:04:43Look we made it through Christmas, so I think it's best we go our separate ways.
01:04:50What are you talking about?
01:04:52It's over.
01:04:54It's not that hard to understand.
01:04:59Eva, wait!
01:05:03So last night meant nothing to you?
01:05:10Max, it's not real.
01:05:12None of it was real.
01:05:14So, this is just a goodbye?
01:05:18I didn't realize I was so disposable for you.
01:05:23Look, last night I let my guard down.
01:05:27But I'm a mother and my choices affect Piper, and being with you can mess up everything between
01:05:32us.
01:05:33Just tell me what you need.
01:05:35I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:05:39mother, just say the word.
01:05:46You don't get it.
01:05:49You don't get it.
01:05:56I think it's time Piper and I go back to New York.
01:06:04I won't give up on us.
01:06:20Are we here?
01:06:22Yes.
01:06:23As much as I don't want us to be, we're back.
01:06:30Piper, sweetie, wake up.
01:06:32We're home.
01:06:37How can she just walk away?
01:06:46Don't forget you have to meet my mom.
01:06:48It's part of the agreement, too.
01:06:50Can I just pay you a little extra and skip it?
01:06:53You promised.
01:06:55Eva, I haven't asked you for much.
01:06:57Can you do this for me, please?
01:07:01All right, fine.
01:07:02When?
01:07:04Two days.
01:07:05I'll come pick you up.
01:07:07No need.
01:07:08Just send me the address and I'll be there.
01:07:15I know you and mommy thought, but she still really likes you.
01:07:20So don't give up, okay, daddy?
01:07:23Thank you, sweetie.
01:07:25If there's one thing you should know about your daddy, I always fight for the ones I love.
01:07:29It's super fun today.
01:07:38It's a good thing.
01:07:44That's true, sweetie.
01:07:48I was meeting my mother today.
01:07:51Time to finally tell her the truth.
01:07:53Boss?
01:07:55Boss?
01:07:59Lady and gentlemen, I am so sorry.
01:08:02I need to go win back my family.
01:08:05Family?
01:08:06Boss, you okay?
01:08:08Never better.
01:08:10Go get her, Max.
01:08:15Give it your best smile.
01:08:17Ah, there he is.
01:08:20Maximus, darling.
01:08:22I have some prospects for you.
01:08:24Nice high society girls from the city.
01:08:29Oh.
01:08:32I told you.
01:08:33I already found the woman I love.
01:08:41Maximus, stop this.
01:08:43That evil woman is scamming you, son.
01:08:47Tell me what kind of woman you want
01:08:49and I'll find you another.
01:08:50You are heir to the Harrison dynasty.
01:08:54No, I'm not.
01:08:56Oh.
01:08:57I work in waste management
01:08:59and I'm a secret crime boss.
01:09:02I'm Eva's husband
01:09:03and I'm a father.
01:09:06What?
01:09:20Oh, that's her.
01:09:22The woman who got my son head over heels.
01:09:26Hi.
01:09:27Welcome in.
01:09:28Can I help you find something?
01:09:30I want to try those.
01:09:37Are you sure you wouldn't want something more sensible?
01:09:43No, no, no.
01:09:45I know what I want.
01:09:46Size seven.
01:09:49Oh, baby can't even walk,
01:09:51but she wants $3,000 heels.
01:09:53Come on, she wants the white shoes.
01:10:00Ignore her.
01:10:01She's just grumpy over the holidays.
01:10:03Here, let me help you.
01:10:04Come on.
01:10:09She seems kind.
01:10:16I shouldn't be that impressed.
01:10:18She's just doing her job.
01:10:21How do they feel?
01:10:23Well, I love the style,
01:10:25but it's too small.
01:10:26I think I need a size up.
01:10:29Maybe my feet are still growing.
01:10:33Right away.
01:10:35I'll be right back.
01:10:36She's not only kind,
01:10:38she's patient.
01:10:39Was I wrong about her?
01:10:55Are you gluing the heel back on it?
01:10:59Well, who gives a shit?
01:11:01She can't walk.
01:11:04That's just pure evil.
01:11:09Oh, come on, St. Eva.
01:11:12She's in a wheelchair.
01:11:14Who cares?
01:11:15It's the last pair.
01:11:16I get paid commission.
01:11:23I'm not doing that, Vanessa.
01:11:26See?
01:11:28This is your whole problem.
01:11:31This is why you'll always be broke.
01:11:34I don't care if she can walk or not.
01:11:37I'm not selling her junk.
01:11:40She has to deal with people like this?
01:11:43People who insult her all day?
01:11:45I'm your manager.
01:11:51Sell the old bitty the shoes,
01:11:53or you're fired.
01:12:00Did I stutter?
01:12:06You don't have to fire me.
01:12:10I quit.
01:12:16I don't work here anymore.
01:12:18Listen, don't buy the shoes.
01:12:21They're broken.
01:12:22Spend your heart and money elsewhere, okay?
01:12:24You're a good person, after all.
01:12:28Looks like I misjudged you.
01:12:30I'm sorry?
01:12:33Why are you still here, Eva?
01:12:36Get out.
01:12:42You're not disabled?
01:12:44Selling a broken heel to someone you thought was handicapped?
01:12:48Absolutely shameful.
01:12:50Who are you?
01:12:51I am the chairwoman of the Harrison Group,
01:12:56and the owner of the store.
01:12:58You're Eleanor Harrison?
01:13:00Mother of the CEO?
01:13:02I am.
01:13:04And you, my dear, are fired.
01:13:07What did I do?
01:13:11You are a good person.
01:13:13From now on, this store is yours to run.
01:13:20Are you serious?
01:13:24That's right.
01:13:25Don't be nervous, child.
01:13:28You are professional.
01:13:30Responsible.
01:13:31Far better than that two-bit manager.
01:13:36You.
01:13:38Out.
01:13:39I'll leave.
01:13:42I'm leaving.
01:13:46I feel like I'm dreaming.
01:13:50No, don't worry.
01:13:52You're getting a promotion.
01:13:54You deserve it, my dear.
01:13:59First assignment?
01:14:01I want that row, and that row, and the entire display case.
01:14:07Pack it all up and bring it to my house.
01:14:09Yes, hmm?
01:14:10Okay.
01:14:11Yeah.
01:14:13Once we're home, I'll tell her I'm her mother-in-law.
01:14:17I can't wait to finally meet my granddaughter.
01:14:26She's the mother of a CEO.
01:14:28Of course she lives like this.
01:14:39Mrs. Harrison, I'm here with your delivery.
01:14:45Max?
01:14:47Eva.
01:14:48What are you doing here?
01:14:51I, uh...
01:14:52There you are, Eva.
01:14:55Wonderful we can finally meet each other properly.
01:14:58My new daughter-in-law.
01:15:01What are you...
01:15:05That means you really are the CEO of Harrison Group.
01:15:10Well, I tried to tell you, but...
01:15:12Stop.
01:15:14And you?
01:15:15You lied to me at the store.
01:15:18You were both just testing me?
01:15:20Is this some sick game rich people play?
01:15:22I'm sorry, Eva.
01:15:23I thought you might be using my son just after his money.
01:15:27But I was wrong.
01:15:28Eva, please.
01:15:29I don't deserve to be treated like this.
01:15:31Not every working-class girl is after your money.
01:15:35How could you think that of me?
01:15:37It's not like that, dear.
01:15:39Eva, what are you talking about?
01:15:42Mom, what did you do?
01:15:44I was just trying to get the two of you back together.
01:15:46We're not together.
01:15:48And I can't love something that was never real.
01:15:54I made a horrible mistake.
01:15:58What are you waiting for, son?
01:15:59Go after her.
01:16:04Eva, let me go.
01:16:06I swear, it's not what you think.
01:16:08We come from two completely different worlds.
01:16:10Stop pretending like you care.
01:16:11I'm not pretending.
01:16:12Okay, I can't fake what we have.
01:16:14And everything I've done for you, and Piper, this is real.
01:16:22Touch my wife again, and I will snap every finger that you've got.
01:16:26Max, you came.
01:16:27God, you weren't driving me fucking insane.
01:16:32I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:16:36Just say the word.
01:16:40See?
01:16:42Stop fighting.
01:16:45We belong together.
01:16:48You're wrong.
01:16:50Wrong about what?
01:16:51That you care?
01:16:53Or we belong together?
01:16:55Look, I already told you.
01:16:57We're from two completely different worlds.
01:16:59Now, I held up my end of the deal, and I met your mother, like we discussed.
01:17:03Now, I want a fake divorce from my fake husband.
01:17:08Eva.
01:17:12Eva!
01:17:14I'm sorry, Maximus.
01:17:16Walking away is the only choice I have.
01:17:24Ow!
01:17:26Are you okay, Mommy?
01:17:28Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine.
01:17:31Come here.
01:17:39No, you're not fine.
01:17:41You're sad.
01:17:42Oh.
01:17:44I'm okay, sweetie.
01:17:47I miss Daddy, too.
01:17:52I want Max to be my real Daddy.
01:17:57Don't you want to be with him?
01:18:00Love bug.
01:18:02You're right.
01:18:03What am I doing?
01:18:04Running like a coward?
01:18:07I've always taught you to be brave.
01:18:10Now it's time for Mommy to be brave, too.
01:18:14I believe in you.
01:18:15What are you going to do, Mommy?
01:18:17I know exactly what to say to him.
01:18:22Maximus deserves to know.
01:18:24Piper is his daughter.
01:18:32Enough sulking.
01:18:34Go get your wife and my grandbaby back.
01:18:37Don't you think I want to?
01:18:40She doesn't want me.
01:18:41I didn't raise you to give up.
01:18:43Your daughter is still out there.
01:18:45You can't abandon her.
01:18:46Mom, you don't get it.
01:18:48I made a deal with Eva to play my wife, and Piper, she was an added bonus.
01:18:55What are you talking about?
01:18:57I already ran a DNA test.
01:19:00Hyper is your daughter.
01:19:03What?
01:19:04See for yourself.
01:19:11I was right.
01:19:12Seven years ago, New Year's, that woman was Eva.
01:19:26Eva!
01:19:30Hey...
01:19:30Daddy!
01:19:32Daddy!
01:19:34Daddy!
01:19:34Piper!
01:19:35Oh!
01:19:37I missed you so much, sweetheart.
01:19:44You came back.
01:19:49I, uh...
01:19:51Don't forget to be brave, Mommy.
01:19:59I, uh, I was scared, but I don't want to be scared anymore, because what we have is real,
01:20:07and it's worth fighting for.
01:20:10Sweetheart, I have something to tell you.
01:20:13I have something to tell you, too.
01:20:17I appreciate your daughter.
01:20:19You knew.
01:20:21My sweet granddaughter.
01:20:23Hey, Mom.
01:20:24Oh.
01:20:27Well, I just found out for sure a few minutes ago, but you've known this whole time?
01:20:31I was scared.
01:20:32Okay, I didn't know if you were going to take her from me.
01:20:35I didn't know how you were feeling.
01:20:38How could you not know how I felt?
01:20:51I love you, Eva.
01:20:55I love you, too.
01:20:57I promise.
01:20:58For the rest of my life, I'm going to make it up to you.
01:21:02Well, as long as we're together, it doesn't matter where we are.
01:21:15Will you marry me, Eva?
01:21:18For real this time?
01:21:19Yes.
01:21:21Yes.
01:21:21Yes, of course.
01:21:22I'll marry you.
01:21:27Yes.
01:21:28Hi.
01:21:35Looks like you're stuck with me the next Christmas, and the Christmas after that, and forever.
01:21:42I wouldn't have it any other way.
01:21:50Who's that?
01:21:52Eva!
01:21:54Take me back!
01:21:57I'm sorry!
01:21:58I struck you tired!
01:22:02Looks like I have to take out the trash.
01:22:05Again.
01:22:08No?
01:22:09Not funny?
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