Trapped by a Platinum Blonde

zay

A struggling reporter gets swept into the dazzling world of high society after falling for a captivating platinum blonde. What starts as a dream romance slowly turns into a life he never planned—full of pressure, control, and emotional conflict. As love and ambition collide, he must decide whether to stay in luxury or fight for his freedom.  #ClassicFilm #1930sCinema #OldHollywood #RomanceDrama #HighSociety #VintageFilm #BlackAndWhite #LoveAndConflict #DramaStory #FilmClassic

Transcript

00:00:01The End

00:00:55Yeah, well, that's all I ever get from you guys. A lot of hard luck stories.

00:00:58Well, you come back here and I'll give you an assignment.

00:01:00It'll be your last interview with the cashier.

00:01:04Stu! Stu Smith! Stu!

00:01:06Now, Mr. Conroy, give me a crack at that skyless story, will you?

00:01:09You?

00:01:10If you ever got you put into a drawing room, you'd step on a sliding rug.

00:01:14Stu's the only man who's got brains up to handle this.

00:01:15Scram.

00:01:16Say it, but.

00:01:17Did you find him, Stu?

00:01:17Not yet.

00:01:18Well, did you look in the first place I looked?

00:01:20Not there, eh?

00:01:22Well, for trying out loud, where is that guy?

00:01:23Well, go and dig him up.

00:01:25Stu!

00:01:26Stu Smith!

00:01:36There it is.

00:01:38Pray for me, Gallagher.

00:01:40Pray for me.

00:01:42Hold everything.

00:01:44Stu, your hands are shaking.

00:01:45You've been drinking again.

00:01:46Come on.

00:01:47Here they come, Gallagher.

00:01:48You!

00:01:48Here they come.

00:01:50Boss is getting hoarse.

00:01:52There, the third one.

00:01:53If I don't make that last one, there's a sob sister that I know that's going to get

00:01:56a kick right in the...

00:01:57Whoa!

00:01:58Whoop.

00:01:58Almost had that.

00:01:59Oh, Stu!

00:02:00Stu Smith!

00:02:01Stu!

00:02:02What?

00:02:03How many?

00:02:04The screen?

00:02:05Here they come.

00:02:06Gallagher!

00:02:06I made it!

00:02:16I made it!

00:02:21Look, I quit.

00:02:22Yeah?

00:02:23Yeah.

00:02:24You're always picking on me.

00:02:26It took me three hours to get those little gadgets in those holes, and you screw it up

00:02:30in a minute.

00:02:30Hey, look.

00:02:37Not as easy as it looks, is it?

00:02:39Duh.

00:02:39Uh, no wonder you're batty.

00:02:42Would it be imposing too much upon you if I asked you to do a little work today, just

00:02:45to sort of break the monotony?

00:02:48With me, you can always do business.

00:02:50You know what to do in a drawing room?

00:02:52There isn't a question of knowing what to do, it's knowing how to get in one that counts.

00:02:57Yeah, yeah, it's okay, okay.

00:03:00Now listen, we've got a tip.

00:03:02The Schuyler family have finally made a deal with that chorus dame.

00:03:05Gloria Golden?

00:03:06Yeah, yeah, little Gloria.

00:03:08Ah, the human cash register.

00:03:10Got our hooks into the Schuyler kid, huh?

00:03:12Right, for the first time this year.

00:03:14Yeah, it was only April.

00:03:15Now come on, get going, get going.

00:03:17Get going where?

00:03:18I could write that story without stepping out of the office.

00:03:20Yes, and get us in for a million dollar libel suit.

00:03:23It wouldn't be the first time.

00:03:24Now you get over there and get a statement out of the old lady, the sister, or the kid.

00:03:28Any of them, but get it.

00:03:29All right.

00:03:30Give me a voucher for the expenses.

00:03:31What expenses?

00:03:33Oh.

00:03:34All you need is coffee at Long Island.

00:03:35And you better get a shave and a shine, because you, you're going to have a tough time getting

00:03:40in there as it is.

00:03:41Yeah.

00:03:41I know those blue noses.

00:03:43Their ancestors refused to come over on the Mayflower, because they didn't want to rub

00:03:47elbows with the tourists.

00:03:48So they swam over.

00:03:57They swam over.

00:04:00They swam over.

00:04:22Dexter Grayson, if you're any kind of a lawyer, you'll get those letters back.

00:04:25But I keep telling you how difficult it is, Mrs. Kyler.

00:04:28The last time I asked her for those letters, she made very uncouth noises with her mouth.

00:04:35I don't know why you're making all this fuss.

00:04:37I only sent her six of them.

00:04:39If you had to make a fool of yourself, why didn't you tell it to her?

00:04:41Instead of writing.

00:04:42Because I couldn't get her on the phone.

00:04:44The imbecile!

00:04:48You should have known better than to write, Romeo.

00:04:50I found that out a long time ago.

00:04:52I should say you had.

00:04:54At the rate you two are going, we'll have to leave the country to save our faces.

00:04:58Splendid, Mother.

00:05:00Let's hop over to Monte Carlo.

00:05:01It's a great place to save a face.

00:05:03Oh, shut up.

00:05:05What is it, Smythe?

00:05:07Pardon me, Madam.

00:05:08But what am I to say to the newspaper men?

00:05:10Dexter, go out and tell those ruffians.

00:05:13I have nothing to say.

00:05:14You can't do that.

00:05:16Leave it to me.

00:05:17I know how to handle reporters.

00:05:18All right, then.

00:05:19Get it over with.

00:05:20We've decided to see the reporters.

00:05:22Send in the man from the Tribune first.

00:05:24Very good, Smythe.

00:05:25Some bicarbonate and soda.

00:05:27Double strength.

00:05:28I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:05:31I anticipated it, Madam.

00:05:33The bicarbonate is ready.

00:05:47I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:05:49I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:05:51I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:05:52I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:05:53I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:05:54I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:05:55I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:05:59I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:06:01I know those news mongers will upset me.

00:06:20Hey, Benji.

00:06:21You'll find the silverware in the dining room.

00:06:24Much obliged.

00:06:27Mr. Grayson has decided to see you.

00:06:30The gentleman from the Tribune first.

00:06:32There are no gentlemen on the Tribune.

00:06:33Pa?

00:06:35I understand, sir.

00:06:38Hey, take it easy. Take it easy.

00:06:40Oh, listen, my boy.

00:06:41No issue hanging around here.

00:06:42Just buy a copy of the Tribune, read it over, then make a rewrite, and you can use it for

00:06:45your last edition.

00:06:46Never make the last edition.

00:06:47Take me four hours to translate your story into English.

00:06:50Oh, is that so?

00:06:51I'm afraid.

00:06:53Take off your hat.

00:06:54You might make an impression.

00:06:56Impossible. Put it on again.

00:06:59Hey, make up your mind, will you?

00:07:11Hiya, folks.

00:07:24What's the matter? Are there a bless you in the crowd?

00:07:30You're the Tribune man.

00:07:31Yeah, hello. How are you?

00:07:33Fine.

00:07:34Have a seat.

00:07:35Thanks, I will.

00:07:40This way.

00:07:41Oh, man.

00:07:47Oh, boy.

00:07:50Fine newspaper, the Tribune.

00:07:51Oh, well, I should say.

00:07:53I knew you were a managing editor very well.

00:07:54Is that so?

00:07:55Yale, 21, I believe.

00:07:58Huh?

00:07:59We were classmates.

00:08:01And?

00:08:02What's the matter? She got a cold?

00:08:04I got him his job on the paper. I'm a stockholder, you know.

00:08:07Oh, is that so?

00:08:09One Tribune man to another.

00:08:11Yeah.

00:08:13But right now, I'm acting in the capacity of Mrs. Kyler's attorney.

00:08:17Oh, that's all right with me. I won't hold that against you.

00:08:19But you see, I'm over here to find out about it.

00:08:21I know, I know.

00:08:23But there's no truth in the story whatsoever.

00:08:26Oh, yeah?

00:08:28However, I've taken the trouble to prepare a little statement.

00:08:32Here it is.

00:08:33Here.

00:08:35So you see how silly that rumor is?

00:08:38Why, sure.

00:08:39It's all a lot of hooey.

00:08:41That's what I wanted to say, but I couldn't think of it.

00:08:44Thank you very much.

00:08:45All right, all right. Don't mention it.

00:08:52Give my regards to your managing editor.

00:08:55I certainly will.

00:08:58Well, so long, folks.

00:09:13Hurt you!

00:09:16Bless you?

00:09:18Bless you.

00:09:19Thanks.

00:09:22Come on, Daisy.

00:09:23My, bring in the other reporter.

00:09:25Yes, sir.

00:09:37Scarlet's a name, I presume?

00:09:42Yeah, thank you. Thank you.

00:09:43My name's Smith.

00:09:44Stuart Smith.

00:09:45No relation to John, Joe, trade, or Mark.

00:09:49Of course, you can't have everything.

00:09:54Nice set of Conrad you have out there, Miss Scarlet.

00:09:57I was just glancing through this one.

00:10:01What's Michael tearing the paper about?

00:10:03Well, just to have it.

00:10:04Mr. Schuyler is a bit put out by all these rumors going around.

00:10:08Rumors? Rumors?

00:10:10Since when is a breach of promise case a rumor?

00:10:13No breach of promise case has been filed.

00:10:15The matter has been settled out of court.

00:10:17Oh, I see.

00:10:18Gloria isn't exactly satisfied with the $20,000.

00:10:22Dexter Grayson, you told me it was only $10,000.

00:10:25And you didn't even get those letters from that gentleman.

00:10:28So you did give her $10,000, huh?

00:10:31And their letters.

00:10:32Well, well, that takes it out of the rumor class, doesn't it?

00:10:35We admit nothing.

00:10:39However, I have a little statement all prepared.

00:10:42Statement? Good.

00:10:43I have it right here.

00:10:44Good.

00:10:48Fifty bucks, eh?

00:10:50Don't you know you should never offer a newspaper man more than $2?

00:10:53If you do, you'll think it's counterfeit.

00:10:56I don't need $50.

00:10:58As a matter of fact, I've got $50.

00:11:00The man from the Tribune seemed perfectly satisfied.

00:11:03Oh, Benji?

00:11:03Yeah, Benji would.

00:11:04He never saw $50 before.

00:11:06You could have bought him for six bits.

00:11:08Funny thing about Benji,

00:11:09the more he gets,

00:11:11the more he prints.

00:11:13He looks stupid, doesn't he?

00:11:15But, oh, how smart he gets

00:11:17when he bends over a typewriter.

00:11:21So $10,000 was the amount you gave the gal, huh?

00:11:24Any other statements you folks would like to make?

00:11:26We have no more.

00:11:27We have nothing more to say.

00:11:29Wait a minute.

00:11:30Don't get excited.

00:11:31Nothing to worry about.

00:11:33A little publicity.

00:11:34Never heard anybody.

00:11:35Dexter?

00:11:36Have this person leave immediately.

00:11:37I think you'd better go.

00:11:39Go, huh?

00:11:40Oh, wait a minute.

00:11:42That's a great story.

00:11:44Newspaper reporter was forcibly ejected

00:11:46from the Skylar mansion and...

00:11:48Oh, wait a minute.

00:11:53Don't mind, Mother.

00:11:56I don't mind if you don't.

00:11:57And?

00:12:02I'm sure you're quite willing

00:12:03to be decent about this.

00:12:05Decent?

00:12:05Why, Miss Skylar?

00:12:07I want to be noble.

00:12:08You're not going to print this silly thing,

00:12:10are you?

00:12:11No?

00:12:13Why not?

00:12:14Well, because my name's Skylar, too,

00:12:16and I haven't done a thing.

00:12:18But I'll have to suffer with Michael,

00:12:20and so will Mother.

00:12:26Mother's suffering already?

00:12:30As a special favor to me,

00:12:32you won't print that story, will you?

00:12:34Please?

00:12:37You know something, lady?

00:12:39If you sold life insurance,

00:12:40I'd go for a policy in 60 seconds.

00:12:42Oh, thank you.

00:12:44I knew you'd understand.

00:12:52May I use your telephone?

00:12:55Certainly.

00:12:57Right over there.

00:13:01You're right.

00:13:07Hello?

00:13:10Beekman, 1,300.

00:13:12Beekman, 1,300.

00:13:15That's an unlucky number.

00:13:16You know that, don't you?

00:13:18Hello?

00:13:19Hello, Toots.

00:13:19Is Conroy?

00:13:20Let me have Conroy.

00:13:22He isn't?

00:13:23Try the washroom, will you?

00:13:25Say, I interviewed a swell guy

00:13:27the other day.

00:13:28Einstein.

00:13:29Swell guy.

00:13:30A little eccentric,

00:13:31but a swell guy.

00:13:31Doesn't wear any garters.

00:13:33Neither do I,

00:13:34as a matter of fact.

00:13:35What good are garters after...

00:13:37Hello?

00:13:38Uh, Conroy,

00:13:39this is Smith talking.

00:13:40I'm up at the, uh,

00:13:42Skyler's.

00:13:43No, I'm not having tea.

00:13:46That is, not yet.

00:13:49Is she beautiful?

00:13:52Oh, boss,

00:13:53her pictures don't do her justice.

00:13:55If I were that guy,

00:13:56Zigfield, that...

00:13:57Yeah?

00:13:58Oh, yes.

00:13:59Yes.

00:14:01You can see where

00:14:02her beauty comes from.

00:14:03From her mother.

00:14:08Now, wait a minute,

00:14:09wait a minute.

00:14:09Just hold,

00:14:10keep your shirt on.

00:14:11I'll come to that in a minute.

00:14:12Yeah.

00:14:13The Skylers admit

00:14:14the story is true.

00:14:15Right.

00:14:16Now, they gave the gal

00:14:17ten thousand bucks,

00:14:18but she's got some letters,

00:14:19and she's holding out

00:14:20for more dough.

00:14:22And it looks to me

00:14:23like she's gonna get it.

00:14:24Right, boss,

00:14:24I'll be right over.

00:14:25Right.

00:14:27No, I don't think

00:14:28I can get any pictures now.

00:14:30Right.

00:14:34I've met some rotters

00:14:35in my time,

00:14:36but without a doubt,

00:14:37you're the lowest excuse

00:14:38for a man I've ever

00:14:39had the misfortune to meet.

00:14:54Well, you feel that way

00:14:55about it?

00:14:56Here's your nickel

00:14:57for the phone call.

00:15:10Oh, how are you,

00:15:11Mr. Clark?

00:15:11Come right in.

00:15:12How are you?

00:15:13Come on.

00:15:20And she walked up to me

00:15:22and put her hand

00:15:22on my shoulder

00:15:23and said,

00:15:23Mr. Smith,

00:15:24you wouldn't print

00:15:25that story,

00:15:26would you?

00:15:27No, I wouldn't print it.

00:15:28Read it.

00:15:34You're certainly going

00:15:35to be poison

00:15:35to that junior leger

00:15:36from now on.

00:15:37Gosh, and I hope not.

00:15:38I got a call on her

00:15:39this morning.

00:15:41You what?

00:15:42Sure.

00:15:43I must drop in

00:15:44and see the witch.

00:15:45Her wounds need soothing.

00:15:47For heaven's sake,

00:15:48Stuart,

00:15:48you're completely bats.

00:15:49What for?

00:15:50I thought that story

00:15:51was cold.

00:15:51You can't go back there.

00:15:52Sure, the story's cold,

00:15:53but I'm not.

00:15:54I'm sizzling.

00:15:54Look.

00:15:55Psst.

00:15:56Hmm.

00:15:58Oh, came the dawn,

00:16:00came the dawn.

00:16:01And with it came love.

00:16:03Oh, Gallagher,

00:16:04you got to meet her.

00:16:05She's it.

00:16:06And that.

00:16:07And those,

00:16:08and them.

00:16:09Well, I've seen her pictures,

00:16:10and I don't think

00:16:11she's so hot.

00:16:12Eh, you don't appreciate it.

00:16:13Pictures don't do her justice.

00:16:14Oh, Gallagher,

00:16:15she's queen.

00:16:16She is queen.

00:16:18And I know queens.

00:16:20And oh,

00:16:20has she got herself

00:16:21a nose.

00:16:23And I know noses, too.

00:16:25That little snozzle

00:16:26of hers

00:16:27is the berries,

00:16:27I tell you.

00:16:28And is it cute

00:16:30when she throws

00:16:31that little snozzle

00:16:32to the high heavens?

00:16:34Of course,

00:16:34I haven't got a nose.

00:16:36Sure, sure,

00:16:36you got a nose, Gallagher.

00:16:37You got a nose.

00:16:38But that's different.

00:16:40Women are different, Gallagher.

00:16:42You know,

00:16:42like brewery horses

00:16:44and thoroughbreds.

00:16:46Oh, now, Stu,

00:16:46I wouldn't be too hot on her.

00:16:48I wouldn't call her

00:16:49a brewery horse.

00:16:51Gallagher,

00:16:51she's a real McCoy.

00:16:53The rest of us

00:16:54are truck horses.

00:16:56There you go,

00:16:57talking like a woman.

00:16:58Well?

00:16:59Well, you're my pal,

00:17:00aren't you?

00:17:01And don't turn female on me.

00:17:03Pay that check,

00:17:04will you, Gallagher?

00:17:05I'll give it back

00:17:06to you sometime.

00:17:07Maybe.

00:17:09I go.

00:17:10I go with Conrad

00:17:11in quest of my youth.

00:17:14Fry those tomatoes,

00:17:15will you, Gallagher?

00:17:49Now, now, now, now, now, Jeeves.

00:17:52Was that nice?

00:17:53Was that,

00:17:54was that being a gentleman, Jeeves?

00:17:55Your name is Jeeves, isn't it?

00:17:57The name is Smite.

00:17:59Smite?

00:17:59Well, well, well.

00:18:02Why, huh?

00:18:03Well, congratulations.

00:18:04What a small world.

00:18:06Brothers on delivery.

00:18:07Now, as Smith to Smite.

00:18:08The Mrs. Skyler

00:18:09is not at home.

00:18:10Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

00:18:11I waited outside

00:18:12until she went out.

00:18:13She's a nice lady.

00:18:14She's all right,

00:18:15but we don't

00:18:16vibrate well together.

00:18:19No one's at home, sir.

00:18:21Now, Jeeves,

00:18:22would you call this no one?

00:18:24What's wrong?

00:18:26Mrs. Skyler left orders, miss,

00:18:28that if this person came again,

00:18:30I was to call the police.

00:18:31That's a good idea.

00:18:32Telephone the police.

00:18:34Number is Spring 3100.

00:18:35Get a couple of cops over here

00:18:36and we'll have a rubber of bridge, huh?

00:18:38You may go, Smite.

00:18:38But I, now,

00:18:39the lady said you may go.

00:18:42What do you want?

00:18:43Well, I'll tell you,

00:18:43when I was here yesterday,

00:18:44I had one of your books in my hand.

00:18:45When I got outside,

00:18:46I realized I still had

00:18:47your book in my hand.

00:18:49So as long as I had

00:18:50your book in my hand,

00:18:51I thought I might as well

00:18:51take it home and read it.

00:18:52This morning,

00:18:53I got up

00:18:53and put your book in my hand

00:18:55and here's your book

00:18:56in your hand.

00:18:57That's considerate of you.

00:18:58Yeah, that was considerate of me.

00:18:59I recommend you read that.

00:19:00I'm not interested

00:19:01in your literary recommendations.

00:19:03Well, perhaps it would be

00:19:03a little heavy for you.

00:19:04If you'd like something lighter,

00:19:05something with a touch of romance,

00:19:08just listen to this.

00:19:10Adorable Babykins.

00:19:12Does her miss her baby?

00:19:14Him sends his boo-ful little sweetums

00:19:15a billion oceans full of kisses.

00:19:17Bobo is so lonely.

00:19:19Just a moment.

00:19:19I don't see how that trash

00:19:21can possibly concern me.

00:19:22Yeah, but you don't know

00:19:23who Bobo is

00:19:24and you don't know

00:19:24who Babykins is.

00:19:26I'm not interested.

00:19:27Smythe will open the door.

00:19:28Smythe will open...

00:19:29But Bobo is your brother, Michael.

00:19:32And of course,

00:19:33nobody would ever guess

00:19:34who Babykins is.

00:19:37Where did you get those letters?

00:19:39I stole them

00:19:40when I was interviewing

00:19:41Babykins about Bobo.

00:19:42I suppose you're going

00:19:44to print them?

00:19:46No.

00:19:47Give you another guess.

00:19:49Oh, I don't need

00:19:50another guess.

00:19:52It's quite obvious.

00:19:54Oh, it's obvious, huh?

00:19:55Will you step into the library?

00:19:58Sure, I'll take a chance.

00:20:07You know, the Indians

00:20:08used to walk like this,

00:20:09except the squaw

00:20:10always walked in the back.

00:20:12Do you know why that was?

00:20:14That was in case

00:20:15an attack from the front.

00:20:17Of course,

00:20:18if the attack was from the rear,

00:20:19she had to depend

00:20:20upon a papoose.

00:20:21Oh, yes,

00:20:23papoose has always

00:20:23had bows and arrows.

00:20:26Of course,

00:20:26if she wasn't married,

00:20:28then she had to

00:20:28protect her own...

00:20:30What country

00:20:31is this library in?

00:20:34Miss Scarlet,

00:20:35how about car fare

00:20:36back to the front door, huh?

00:20:37What are the initials,

00:20:38Mr...

00:20:39Smith.

00:20:40Stuart Smith.

00:20:41My friends all call me Stu.

00:20:43It's an injustice, too,

00:20:44because I hold my liquor

00:20:45all right.

00:20:47Will 5,000 be enough?

00:20:50For what?

00:20:51For the letters,

00:20:52of course.

00:20:59You shouldn't do that,

00:21:01Miss Scarlet.

00:21:03That's all right

00:21:04for your lawyer, friend.

00:21:06You shouldn't go around

00:21:07thinking you can buy people.

00:21:11There you let it.

00:21:14I don't know how to thank you.

00:21:16Mother will be so grateful

00:21:17she'll probably want to kiss you.

00:21:19Your mother want to kiss me?

00:21:20Give me back my letters.

00:21:24That's the breaks I get.

00:21:25It's the mothers

00:21:25that are always grateful to me.

00:21:28Yeah.

00:21:30You're a peculiar person.

00:21:33Why, the other day

00:21:34I pleaded with you

00:21:35not to send in that story,

00:21:36and...

00:21:37I know,

00:21:37but that was news.

00:21:38This is blackmail,

00:21:39and I don't like blackmail.

00:21:41I won't even pretend

00:21:42you haven't done me

00:21:43a great favor.

00:21:44I wish there was something

00:21:46I could do for you.

00:21:48Well,

00:21:49you could make this table

00:21:50a little, uh,

00:21:51a little less wide.

00:22:00There is something

00:22:01you can do for me,

00:22:02Miss Scarlet.

00:22:08I haven't had any lunch.

00:22:09You got anything

00:22:10in the icebox.

00:22:11Oh, you fool.

00:22:16After years of research,

00:22:18I finally discovered

00:22:20that I was the only guy

00:22:21in the world

00:22:22who hadn't written a play.

00:22:24So believe it or not,

00:22:25in my spare time,

00:22:27I'm now writing a play.

00:22:28Really?

00:22:29Yeah.

00:22:30Haven't figured out

00:22:31the plot yet.

00:22:32But it's laid

00:22:33in a Siberian village.

00:22:35You're a bit eccentric,

00:22:36aren't you?

00:22:37Me?

00:22:38Yeah.

00:22:40Most ordinary guy

00:22:41in the world, me.

00:22:43Only one thing wrong

00:22:44with me.

00:22:45You don't wear garters.

00:22:49No.

00:22:50No, that's just a symbol

00:22:52of my independence.

00:22:54I know what's wrong.

00:22:55I'm colorblind.

00:22:57That's what's wrong.

00:22:57I'm colorblind.

00:23:00I've been sitting here

00:23:00for a half hour

00:23:01looking at you

00:23:02and I don't know yet

00:23:03whether your eyes

00:23:04are blue or violet.

00:23:06I'm just beginning

00:23:07to believe that something

00:23:09could be done with you.

00:23:13So you could do anything

00:23:14with me you want to do.

00:23:16Putty.

00:23:18Yes, putty.

00:23:18That's me.

00:23:22We're getting back

00:23:23to those eyes of yours.

00:23:26Would you mind

00:23:27if I kind of got closer

00:23:31so I could see them?

00:23:33Not if you're going to

00:23:34lose any sleep about it.

00:23:43Now, how would you like them?

00:23:44Open like this?

00:23:47Close them both.

00:23:57Something tells me

00:23:58I'd better leave.

00:24:00That's an excellent idea.

00:24:02Oh, hello, Mother.

00:24:03Oh, hello.

00:24:04Hello, Mrs. Scarlet.

00:24:05Come right in.

00:24:06We'll have a slug of tea.

00:24:07What is this person

00:24:08doing here?

00:24:09Why?

00:24:09Well, as a matter of fact,

00:24:10I was just trying to decide

00:24:11the color of Ann's eyes.

00:24:13I can't tell whether they're blue

00:24:14or whether they're violet.

00:24:15What would you say, Mrs. Scarlet?

00:24:17Why?

00:24:17Oh, don't say it, Mother.

00:24:18Please.

00:24:19Mr. Smith came here today

00:24:20to do us a great favor.

00:24:21Indeed.

00:24:22Perhaps he will do me

00:24:23a great favor.

00:24:24Oh, with pleasure, Madam.

00:24:26Get out of here.

00:24:26Oh, Mother.

00:24:27It's all right.

00:24:28It's all right, Ann.

00:24:29I can take a hint.

00:24:30It's a little subtle,

00:24:31but I get it.

00:24:32It's all right.

00:24:32Please go.

00:24:34I'll explain to Mother.

00:24:35All right.

00:24:39The caviar was lovely, Madam.

00:24:44You must come over

00:24:45and see us sometime.

00:24:58Where were you yesterday?

00:24:59Oh, Stu and I went

00:25:00for a long ride.

00:25:03Dexter,

00:25:04is there any finishing school

00:25:05we could send him to?

00:25:06Yes.

00:25:07Sing, sing.

00:25:08Oh, just the same.

00:25:09He's going to be

00:25:10a different person

00:25:10when I get through with him.

00:25:12When you get through with him?

00:25:13Yes, it's going to be

00:25:14a very interesting experiment.

00:25:15To make a gentleman

00:25:16out of a tramp.

00:25:18Exactly.

00:25:19Now, Ann,

00:25:19you'll remember

00:25:20how much it costs

00:25:21to get rid of that

00:25:21baseball player.

00:25:22You don't seem to understand

00:25:23that this one's different.

00:25:24He has brains.

00:25:26What about me, Ann?

00:25:27You?

00:25:28Oh, don't go serious

00:25:29on me, Dexter.

00:25:47Miss Montgomery,

00:25:48Mr. Stewart Smith,

00:25:50Mrs. Ames,

00:25:51Mrs. Rudd Smith,

00:25:51and Mr. Rudd Smith.

00:25:52How do you do?

00:25:55Hey, who's Ann's

00:25:56new boyfriend?

00:25:57Well, if my ears

00:25:58don't deceive me,

00:25:59I believe his name is Smith.

00:26:00Smith?

00:26:00Yeah.

00:26:01He can't be one of the brothers.

00:26:02He hasn't a beard on.

00:26:03Well, he must have something.

00:26:04Or Ann wouldn't have

00:26:05her clutches on him.

00:26:06Oh, no, no, no, no.

00:26:18Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

00:26:26Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:26:28Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

00:26:28no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:26:28Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

00:26:51no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

00:26:58no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

00:26:58no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

00:27:07Oh, pinch me, will you?

00:27:10Throw me out of here.

00:27:11Give me the air.

00:27:12Throw me out of this joint, will you?

00:27:13Why should I?

00:27:14Haven't you been happy, darling?

00:27:15I know, but you should throw me out.

00:27:17Because I begin to get goofy ideas.

00:27:20And they concern you, Anne.

00:27:22None of your ideas could be goofy, Stuart, if they concern me.

00:27:28Well, my name is Smith.

00:27:31That you seem to have been able to stand for the last month.

00:27:36I'm white, male, and over 21.

00:27:39I've never been in jail.

00:27:41That is, not often.

00:27:45And I prefer Scots to bourbon.

00:27:47I hate carrots, I hate peas, I like back coffee, and I hate garters.

00:27:53I make 75 bucks a week, and I got 847 bucks in the bank.

00:28:00And I don't know yet whether your eyes are blue or violet.

00:28:03It's because you're too far away, Stuart.

00:28:22Yeah.

00:28:24All right.

00:28:25Right.

00:28:44Sure, I got a new dress.

00:28:46New hat, too.

00:28:50Well, I'll try and get Stu to come with me.

00:28:52Yeah.

00:28:54Yeah, he's all right.

00:28:56Well, you know, he thinks he's stuck on some society gal.

00:29:00No, it won't last.

00:29:02Better not last.

00:29:04What?

00:29:05Oh, I'll be surprised, eh?

00:29:07Well, listen.

00:29:08If there's any news in that sheet

00:29:10that I haven't thrown in the white paperback,

00:29:12it all is.

00:29:20Hey, Stu!

00:29:22Stu Smith!

00:29:25Me?

00:29:26You devil, gauzy hound!

00:29:27Come over here!

00:29:29Oh, sir.

00:29:38Now, listen, boss.

00:29:39If you're going to kick about that expense account...

00:29:40You call yourself a reporter?

00:29:42Well, it has been alleged, yes.

00:29:44Why, you wouldn't know news if you fell into a mess of it nose first.

00:29:47So you're the bright lad that's never been scooped.

00:29:49Not on my own bait, no.

00:29:51No?

00:29:51Well, where were you when that happened?

00:29:55I've heard of people being scooped on their own funerals.

00:29:58But this?

00:29:59Holy mackerel.

00:30:01Why, it's news when Ann Scarlett gets her fingernails manicured.

00:30:04But this?

00:30:06She gets married to one of our own reporters

00:30:08and the Tribune beats us to it.

00:30:10Well, what do you guys want?

00:30:11Go on, get back to your desk.

00:30:13Go back to your work.

00:30:15Now, don't tell me you were drunk at the time and don't remember.

00:30:17Or is this one of Binge's snowstorms?

00:30:19No, no, it's true, all right.

00:30:21Only, we didn't want it to get in print yet, that's all.

00:30:24Why not?

00:30:25Well, you see, I've acquired one of those new mother-in-laws.

00:30:27And we were afraid she wouldn't understand the whole idea,

00:30:30so we were going to wait until she went to Europe.

00:30:32Well, what do I care about your mother-in-law?

00:30:33You're still working on this paper, aren't you?

00:30:35Or are you?

00:30:36Yes, sir.

00:30:36Well, it's your business to get news.

00:30:37And here you have a story right in your own lap,

00:30:39and you let the Tribune scoop us on it.

00:30:41Making a first-class grade-A monkey out of me.

00:30:44Well, if it ever happens again, just don't bother about coming back.

00:30:47That's all.

00:30:48Thanks for your congratulations.

00:30:49Hey, sir, I'm excited.

00:30:52Hey, is she good-looking?

00:30:53Wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:30:54Wait till the guy get married without all this.

00:30:57No, no, no, no.

00:30:58How about that teddy on me now?

00:31:00Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:31:02Gallagher, Gallagher.

00:31:03Anybody seen Gallagher?

00:31:04No.

00:31:35Hello, Stu.

00:31:37I fooled you, didn't it?

00:31:38You thought it was me.

00:31:39Hi, Stu.

00:31:40Hi, Joe.

00:31:40Well, Stu, congratulations.

00:31:43Have a drink from the house.

00:31:44Have a drink.

00:31:46Why, I'm going to have a lot of drinks.

00:31:48Come on, have a drink.

00:31:49Come on, have a drink.

00:31:49Come on, drink.

00:31:51Come on, drink.

00:31:52Come on.

00:31:52Wait a minute.

00:31:53I'll be right back.

00:31:54Wait a minute.

00:31:55Well, well, well, Gallagher, old pal.

00:31:58So there you are, huh?

00:32:00Where did you run away for?

00:32:01I didn't run away.

00:32:02Sure you run away.

00:32:03Aren't you going to congratulate a guy?

00:32:05Sure.

00:32:06Wish you all the luck in the world, pal.

00:32:08Thanks, thanks.

00:32:09I hope you'll be very happy.

00:32:10Oh, sure, we'll be happy.

00:32:11What's the matter with your eyes?

00:32:13It is smoke.

00:32:14Joe!

00:32:15Yeah?

00:32:15Little snifter.

00:32:17Say, was I a lucky guy to fall into a girl like that, hmm?

00:32:21Look at that.

00:32:23I don't know how I rate that, Gallagher.

00:32:26Gosh, that is a swell girl.

00:32:27I want you to meet her.

00:32:28Who, me?

00:32:29Yeah.

00:32:29Oh, she wouldn't want to meet me.

00:32:31I'm just an old load of hay.

00:32:32Ah, thank you, Joe.

00:32:34Tell me what we'll do.

00:32:35We'll have a party down at your house.

00:32:36One of those spaghetti parties, you know?

00:32:37Haven't had one in a long time, haven't we, Gallagher?

00:32:39Not since you broke into society.

00:32:41Remember the time we had the spaghetti party?

00:32:43And while I was serving the spaghetti, I dropped it on the floor.

00:32:45And when those mobs weren't looking, I served it to them anyway.

00:32:47Remember that?

00:32:49Yes, Ann, I'd love that.

00:32:51Stu, do you think your wife would walk up three flights of stairs just to eat out of paper plates?

00:32:55Ann?

00:32:56Oh, sure.

00:32:56Ann, I'd love that.

00:32:58Remember, she's a scholar.

00:33:00Now, get this down from Smith.

00:33:02That's the name.

00:33:05Meyer.

00:33:06Hello, Chief.

00:33:09Oh, here's who you are.

00:33:10Oh, cut that out.

00:33:10Just because I'm married, there's no reason for that.

00:33:12It's me, the Austin.

00:33:13Yes.

00:33:19Well, what's the Benedict looking for in the newspaper, his lost freedom?

00:33:26Well, if it isn't old Fagan himself.

00:33:30Gallagher and myself just came over here to do a little work on a story.

00:33:34Baloney.

00:33:35Yo, bring me a special.

00:33:37Isn't it swell about Stu's marriage?

00:33:39Is it?

00:33:44Well, when are you quitting?

00:33:47Quitting?

00:33:48I'm not thinking of quitting.

00:33:49I take it you don't have to work for a living anymore, Mr. Schuyler.

00:33:53Now, get this, Conroy.

00:33:54My name's Smith.

00:33:56Always was Smith.

00:33:57Always gonna be Smith.

00:33:59Is that so?

00:34:01That's so.

00:34:02Ann Schuyler's in the blue book.

00:34:04You're not even in the phone book.

00:34:05Think that one over, sucker.

00:34:07Well, that doesn't make any difference if they love each other.

00:34:09Blah.

00:34:10He's like a giraffe marrying a monkey.

00:34:12What?

00:34:15Listen.

00:34:16You'll never be anything but just the reporter that married to Schuyler's millions.

00:34:20Stu Smith is dead and buried.

00:34:22From now on, you'll be just Ann Schuyler's husband.

00:34:26A rich wife's magnolia.

00:34:28If you can smoke that without getting sick, you're welcome to it.

00:34:31But that's perfectly ridiculous.

00:34:32Wait a minute. Let me do the talking now, Gallagher.

00:34:34Now, you get this, Conroy.

00:34:36Ann Schuyler's got a lot of dough.

00:34:37All right.

00:34:38I married her.

00:34:39All right.

00:34:40But her dough and me?

00:34:41No connection.

00:34:42Mm-hmm.

00:34:43Just a boy in a gilded cage.

00:34:46A what?

00:34:47You heard me.

00:34:48A bird in a gilded cage.

00:34:50Ah!

00:34:51Been reading a lot of cheap tabloids.

00:34:53Ann and myself are gonna move downtown in a nice little flat.

00:34:56We're gonna forget all about this social stuff.

00:34:59And we're gonna be known as Mr. and Mrs. Stu Smith.

00:35:02Now, how do you like that?

00:35:03Yeah.

00:35:03And live on your salary, I suppose.

00:35:04Live on my salary.

00:35:06That is, until I finish writing my play.

00:35:09What play?

00:35:09My play.

00:35:10The one about the Siberian bloodhound?

00:35:13Siberian bloodhound?

00:35:14Oh, no, no.

00:35:16It's been all rewritten.

00:35:17Played in Araby now.

00:35:19Araby?

00:35:19Sure.

00:35:20Araby, my...

00:35:23Well, I'm sorry to see a good reporter go bluey.

00:35:27Let me know when you're quitting.

00:35:28Not quitting.

00:35:29No?

00:35:30No.

00:35:30For he's only a boy in a gilded cage.

00:35:33A beautiful sight to see.

00:35:36Quit, quit!

00:35:38Oh, go on and laugh, you hyena.

00:35:40Oh, don't pay attention to him, Stu.

00:35:41He doesn't know what he's talking about.

00:35:42Pay attention.

00:35:43I pay no attention to him.

00:35:44You think that guy can get me upset?

00:35:46Ah!

00:35:46Not that mug.

00:35:47It's a tough mug.

00:35:48Hard, cynical.

00:35:50He doesn't know there's any fine things in life, that guy.

00:35:53He's getting so now that if a guy steps out,

00:35:54he's called a magnolia.

00:35:55Ha!

00:35:56Stu Smith a magnolia.

00:35:58Say, Stu Smith is not gonna hang around

00:36:00and be in his speakeasy rat, I'll tell you that.

00:36:02Not me.

00:36:03I'm gonna step out and mean something in this world.

00:36:05You watch me.

00:36:07I'm a lucky guy that I can even be near Ann Scarlet.

00:36:10I've been hit with a carload of horseshoes,

00:36:12and believe me, I know it.

00:36:14Lucky.

00:36:15I'll say I'm lucky.

00:36:17Don't you think I'm lucky, Gallagher?

00:36:19Sure, I think so.

00:36:21Sure you would, pal.

00:36:24Heard in a Gilded Cage, huh?

00:36:26How's the family gonna feel about it?

00:36:28Family?

00:36:29Oh, they'll be all right.

00:36:30I'll bring them around.

00:36:31Gilded Cage.

00:36:33Besides, ain't mine a family.

00:36:36Gilded...

00:36:36Stu Smith!

00:36:37Ha!

00:36:38Gilded Cage, that mug.

00:36:40What does he know?

00:36:56I don't know what you need me here for.

00:36:58It isn't my funeral.

00:36:59Stay right here, Michael.

00:37:00Some day you'll be head of this family,

00:37:02but thank heaven I shan't be here when it happens.

00:37:03And I hope you'll never have a daughter who gives you gastritis,

00:37:06as Anne had me.

00:37:07Oh, now, Mother, calm yourself.

00:37:09There's no use to get so excited.

00:37:10Oh, isn't there?

00:37:11Sit down.

00:37:12That's right.

00:37:13My car was quick.

00:37:14A double string.

00:37:16Mother, if you keep this up, you'll have a nervous breakdown

00:37:18before you go to Europe.

00:37:20Oh, it's a good thing your father passed away

00:37:23before he saw insanity ravage the family.

00:37:25I can't imagine what made you do such a thing.

00:37:28A reporter of all things.

00:37:29A reporter.

00:37:30A barbarian who lets his socks come down.

00:37:33Mother, I promise you that he won't be a reporter much longer.

00:37:36Once I get him away from that atmosphere

00:37:38and get him away from a man named Gallagher.

00:37:40Sit down.

00:37:44Drink hardy, Mother.

00:37:46Anne, Anne.

00:37:52Mr. Kirsten?

00:37:55You?

00:37:56Mrs. Skyler.

00:37:59Well, what's to be done?

00:38:01He's here now?

00:38:07Nobody seems to want to do anything.

00:38:10Why not ask me?

00:38:11Perhaps I could offer a suggestion.

00:38:13Do what about what?

00:38:15About what?

00:38:16Your marriage to Anne.

00:38:17Oh, my marriage to Anne.

00:38:19Now, Mrs. Skyler, we don't want you to go to any trouble about that.

00:38:21We just want the usual blessings.

00:38:23That's all.

00:38:24Young man,

00:38:25I want you to know that I object violent to this whole affair.

00:38:29No, Mother.

00:38:29Your attitude's perfectly ridiculous.

00:38:31It's done now.

00:38:33Stuart and I are married.

00:38:36Yeah.

00:38:37I'm afraid she's right, Mrs. Skyler.

00:38:40I'm really very sorry, Mrs. Skyler, that you feel this way.

00:38:43I was in hopes that you would like me.

00:38:46I'm not the burglar that you think I am.

00:38:50After all, we're married.

00:38:52I think the thing to do is to kiss and make up, Mother.

00:38:54Stop calling me Mother.

00:38:56All right, Grandma.

00:38:57Oh, this man's impossible.

00:39:00I can't talk to him.

00:39:01Grayson, let's go where we can think.

00:39:05You see what you've done to me?

00:39:15Ah, got it too, huh?

00:39:21Well, who won that round?

00:39:23Afraid your mother won that round.

00:39:25That is, she got the last blow in.

00:39:27You know, I don't feel the way they do.

00:39:28You're really not as bad as everybody thinks.

00:39:31Well, begin to appreciate me, huh?

00:39:33Come on upstairs and I'll give you a little, uh...

00:39:35Sure, I'll be right up.

00:39:37He's all right, I like him.

00:39:39Oh, I'm glad.

00:39:55You can bear me.

00:39:58Come here, baby.

00:40:03I haven't seen you for three hours.

00:40:06You're neglecting me already.

00:40:09What's the matter?

00:40:11Something I'm at, no doubt.

00:40:14Egg marks the spot.

00:40:16You ought to get some new ties to it.

00:40:19I don't need new ties.

00:40:22I got another tie.

00:40:23Got another one besides this one.

00:40:25It's a pip too.

00:40:27Only one thing wrong with it.

00:40:29You know what that is?

00:40:30It has a little weakness for gravy.

00:40:33And once in a while, it leans toward ketchup.

00:40:36Of course, that's only in its weaker moments.

00:40:39And when you move down to my place, I'll show it to you.

00:40:41In your place?

00:40:42Yeah.

00:40:43Yeah.

00:40:43Oh, it's great.

00:40:45Of course, it doesn't compare with this coliseum of yours yet.

00:40:48But it will serve, milady.

00:40:50It will serve.

00:40:53The architecture is, uh...

00:40:55Well, it has a little feeling of Missouri Gothic.

00:40:59And the furniture sort of leans toward Oklahoma Renaissance.

00:41:04With a tiny touch of Grand Rapids.

00:41:08Don't you think it's silly of us to think of living there when we have this whole big house?

00:41:13When we have...

00:41:16You mean you'd like to have me live here in your house?

00:41:20Sure, we can have the whole left wing and be all by ourselves all the time.

00:41:23Oh, we could have the whole left wing.

00:41:25Well, wouldn't that be...

00:41:26Would that be room enough for us?

00:41:27Oh, darling, of course.

00:41:28If it isn't, there are six rooms and two baths.

00:41:31But if that isn't enough, we...

00:41:32Mother will give us the blue room, I think.

00:41:34Oh, Mother would give us the blue room.

00:41:36You haven't a red room, have you?

00:41:37Well, bless her heart.

00:41:38Wouldn't that be nice?

00:41:40Well...

00:41:45Six rooms and two baths and a blue room.

00:41:49I guess you would let us have the right wing if we need it, wouldn't you?

00:41:51No, but we don't need it, I'm sure.

00:41:53Oh, I see. We won't need that yet.

00:41:55Plenty of room. Plenty of room.

00:41:59Look, Ann.

00:42:00Now, never mind.

00:42:02You're not serious about this, are you?

00:42:03Of course I am, Stuart.

00:42:06I won't. Now, let's get this settled.

00:42:07You have the cutest nose I ever...

00:42:09Never mind, never mind, never mind my nose.

00:42:12What kind of a chump do you think I am?

00:42:14Do you think I'm gonna live here in your house, on your dough?

00:42:17What do you think my friends would all say?

00:42:19Oh, don't be silly.

00:42:21I'd get the razzing of my life for that.

00:42:24A bird in a gilted cage, that's what I'd be.

00:42:27A bird, not me.

00:42:27No, no, not me.

00:42:30What do you think my friends would say if they found me in a little cheap flat?

00:42:34It isn't cheap. It's nice.

00:42:35Oh, listen, stupid, let's not talk about things like that now.

00:42:39Now, wait a minute. I'll do anything you ask me to do, but I will not live...

00:42:42I love that nose. Oh, it's such a sweet...

00:42:44Nevertheless, nevertheless, whether the nose is sweet or not, I'm not gonna live in your house.

00:42:49You might as well get that straight.

00:42:53You want me to be happy, don't you?

00:42:54Mm-hmm.

00:42:55And I'm not gonna live in it.

00:42:57Mm-hmm.

00:43:04And I'm not gonna live in it.

00:43:13Mm-hmm.

00:43:26Mr. Smith, sir?

00:43:29Mm-hmm.

00:43:30Mr. Smith, sir?

00:43:35Mr. Smith, sir?

00:43:37How do you like your bath, sir?

00:43:41I like my bath all right.

00:43:43How do you like your bath?

00:43:48Who are you?

00:43:49I'm your vellet, sir.

00:43:51Uh, Dawson is the name, sir.

00:43:55You're my what?

00:43:56Your vellet, sir.

00:44:04Uh, thank you, thank you, thank you. I'll do that for you sometime.

00:44:14It's very sweet now.

00:44:18Say, listen, uh, what'd you say to me once?

00:44:20Uh, Dawson, sir.

00:44:22Dawson.

00:44:23Was I very drunk last night?

00:44:26Drunk, sir?

00:44:26Yeah.

00:44:28Gosh, I must have been plastered if I hired a valet.

00:44:31Oh, but, uh, you, you didn't engage me, sir.

00:44:34Uh, who did engage you, then, if I didn't engage you?

00:44:37What are you doing?

00:44:37Did you take anything out of those pants?

00:44:39Oh, no, sir, no.

00:44:40What are you doing fooling around in here?

00:44:42Oh, Miss Skylar.

00:44:43I mean, uh, Mrs. Smith.

00:44:45She engaged me this morning, sir.

00:44:47Let me see.

00:44:50Mm-hmm.

00:44:52So, Mrs. Smith engaged me a valet, huh?

00:44:56That's very nice, isn't it, Mrs. Smith?

00:44:58To engage me a valet.

00:45:03Say, you know you're nice.

00:45:05You're all right.

00:45:07You'd make a good wife.

00:45:08Thank you, sir.

00:45:09Well, not for me.

00:45:10You just...

00:45:11Anybody liked you, dear.

00:45:15You're a nice fellow.

00:45:16You're all right, but I'm sorry I don't need any valets today.

00:45:19Oh, but indeed you do, sir.

00:45:20If you don't mind my saying so.

00:45:22A gentleman's gentleman, as it were.

00:45:24Someone to draw your bath, lay out your clothes, help to dress you.

00:45:28It's really most essential, sir.

00:45:30You know, you're trying to tell me that I need someone to help me put on my pants and button

00:45:35them up.

00:45:35Quite, sir, quite.

00:45:36And I'm sorry.

00:45:36Now, I appreciate your efforts, but I don't need anybody to help me button my pants.

00:45:40I've been buttoning my pants for 30 years, all right.

00:45:43And I can button them...

00:45:43I can button them with one hand, as a matter of fact.

00:45:45But, uh, Mr. Smith, now, please, you listen.

00:45:48You've got a nice face.

00:45:50And you wouldn't want anything to happen to your face, would you?

00:45:52Oh, no, sir.

00:45:53All right.

00:45:54Outside.

00:45:55I beg your pardon?

00:45:56Outside.

00:45:57Oh, I think I understand, sir.

00:45:58You mean you want me to go?

00:46:00There, there you are.

00:46:01You caught on, didn't you?

00:46:02You see?

00:46:02You're nice and you're smart, too.

00:46:04You caught on right away.

00:46:05Outside.

00:46:06Go on, outside.

00:46:07And don't come back.

00:46:08No, sir, no.

00:46:09Hey, wait a minute.

00:46:11What's...

00:46:12What's this?

00:46:14Oh, that's a canary, sir.

00:46:16That's a canary.

00:46:17Who brought that in here?

00:46:19Canary...

00:46:20Yeah, a canary, huh?

00:46:22Go on, now, get that out of here.

00:46:23Get that out of here.

00:46:24Yes, sir.

00:46:25Very good, sir.

00:46:26A bird.

00:46:26A bird in a gilded cage.

00:46:28Get that thing out of here.

00:46:29Yes, sir.

00:46:33Good morning, darling.

00:46:35Oh, Dawson.

00:46:36See that all Mr. Smith's clothes go to the cleaners this morning?

00:46:39Well, very good, madam.

00:46:47Hey, who is this, mother?

00:46:48I got a present.

00:46:49Shut your eyes.

00:46:51I keep them close.

00:46:53I know you're gonna love them there.

00:46:57Yeah, she's little, huh?

00:46:59Couldn't be an automobile, could it?

00:47:03Well, well, well, well, isn't that nice?

00:47:08Do you like them?

00:47:09Got my initials on them, too.

00:47:11They're cute.

00:47:11They're nice little...

00:47:13What do you do with them?

00:47:14You wear them, of course, silly.

00:47:16Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

00:47:19Not me.

00:47:20Haven't worn these things for years.

00:47:21Yeah, I know that.

00:47:23Guys, that'd be foolish.

00:47:25I couldn't look Gallagher in the face.

00:47:26Now, darling, I don't care whether you can look Gallagher in the face or not,

00:47:28but you're gonna be a good boy and wear garters.

00:47:32Yes.

00:47:33I love you, dear.

00:47:34I'll eat spinach for you.

00:47:36I'll go to the dentist twice a year for you.

00:47:38I'll wash behind my ears for you, but I'll never wear garters.

00:47:43Oh, yes, you will, my dear.

00:47:45Oh, yes, you will, my dear.

00:47:47You'll wear garters and you'll like it, too.

00:47:50Oh, no, I won't, my dear.

00:47:52Oh, no, I won't, my dear.

00:47:54I'll wash behind the ear, but no, I won't, my dear.

00:47:58Oh, yes, you will, my dear.

00:48:00Oh, yes, you will, my dear.

00:48:02You'll eat spinach, but you'll wear garters, too.

00:48:05Oh, you can't carry a tune.

00:48:07You can't carry a tune.

00:48:09All you are good for is to sit and spoon, spoon.

00:48:12Oh, you won't wear garters.

00:48:14Oh, yes, you will, my dear.

00:48:16Yes.

00:48:24Is it real?

00:48:27Of course it's real.

00:48:29Any diamonds on them?

00:48:30Must have set him back at least six bits.

00:48:33If one just can't wear those, it'd be decent.

00:48:35Yes, you can.

00:48:36If you belong to the 400.

00:48:38I wonder what number he is.

00:48:39Come on, get out.

00:48:40Get out of here.

00:48:41What's the matter with your muffins?

00:48:42Have you ever seen a guy with a pair of garters on before?

00:48:44What do you suppose he wears them for?

00:48:46Can it be possible to hold these socks up?

00:48:48Yes, that's it.

00:48:49You know one's hoes look horribly untidy when they're hanged loose like that.

00:48:52Don't you think so, Percy?

00:48:54Is it?

00:48:54Oh, my dear, they look...

00:48:57...gustly.

00:48:57They look gustly.

00:48:58Come on, come on, come on.

00:49:00Get out of here.

00:49:01Hey, Stu.

00:49:02You're a policeman.

00:49:04Yeah.

00:49:06Hello.

00:49:08Oh, hello, dear.

00:49:09Hi.

00:49:10Uh, wait a minute.

00:49:10Go on, Beatty, will you?

00:49:11Go on.

00:49:12Go on.

00:49:13This is my wife.

00:49:14Go ahead, folks.

00:49:15Pardon me.

00:49:17In your respective chapeau and over your cauliflower ears.

00:49:21Hello, dear.

00:49:22It's nearly six o'clock and you know how long it takes you to dress.

00:49:27But the ambassador's coming at eight and you've got to be ready by the time he gets here.

00:49:44I'd like to see Miss Wilson, please.

00:49:45Who should I say, Miss?

00:49:46Miss Gallagher of the post.

00:49:55Miss Gallagher, the post.

00:49:56Oh, yes.

00:49:57Miss Gallagher.

00:49:58Yes.

00:49:58I'm Miss Wilson, Mrs. Schuyler's social secretary.

00:50:01I was sent in the post in place of our social editor.

00:50:03Oh, yes, of course.

00:50:04Miss Ramsey telephoned me.

00:50:05Well, uh, what would you like to have?

00:50:07Why, uh, a list of the guests.

00:50:09That's the usual thing, isn't it?

00:50:10Yes, of course.

00:50:10I'll get it for you.

00:50:12In the meantime, would you, uh, like to take a look around?

00:50:14Yes.

00:50:16It's a lovely dress.

00:50:22Uh, where is Mr. Smith?

00:50:24Mr. Smith?

00:50:25Yes.

00:50:26Oh, you mean Aunt Scarlet's husband?

00:50:28Yes.

00:50:28Oh, he's probably very tired.

00:50:30You see, he's had to meet all these people personally, too.

00:50:32Yes, that's a matter of fact.

00:50:34You newspaper people have a lot to look at him, though.

00:50:37What is it you call him?

00:50:38The, uh, Cinderella Man?

00:50:39Oh, you look on the!

00:50:40Oh, come on.

00:50:45There's the Spanish embargo.

00:50:47You know, he looks nice.

00:50:48Yes, sir.

00:50:53Miss Wilson.

00:50:54Yes.

00:50:54Mrs. Smith would like to see you.

00:50:56Oh, I.

00:50:56Excuse me.

00:50:56Will you excuse me?

00:50:57Thank you, Doctor.

00:50:58Thank you, Doctor.

00:50:58Oh, my.

00:50:59Oh, my.

00:51:00Oh, my.

00:51:04Oh, my.

00:51:06Oh, my.

00:51:07Oh, my.

00:51:09Oh, my.

00:52:03Oh, Mr. Smith, I've read some of your plays, and I'd like an autograph.

00:52:08Well, well, well, if it isn't my old friend.

00:52:11Hey, turn around, gal. Let's get a look at you.

00:52:13There you are.

00:52:13Well, daughter of the slums, how'd you get out of the ghetto, huh?

00:52:16Well, I'm pinch-hitting for our society editor tonight.

00:52:19I wanted to see some life in the raw.

00:52:21Oh, you wanted to see some life in the raw, huh?

00:52:23Well, gal, I'm afraid we ain't got no raw life up here.

00:52:25Oh, well, I'll have to go someplace else.

00:52:26No, you won't. Maybe we could interest you in some well-done butterflies,

00:52:29or perhaps some slightly fried pansies, or better still, some stuffed shirts.

00:52:32And guaranteed, every one of them will give you a good, stiff pain in the neck.

00:52:37Say, say, who's been tying your tie, lady? It looks rough.

00:52:40Gallagher, do you look good.

00:52:42Mark, what are you doing to yourself, huh?

00:52:43What'd you do to that hair?

00:52:45And where did you get that dress?

00:52:48Well, I dyed one and washed the other.

00:52:50Oh, you dyed one and washed the other.

00:52:52Well, you certainly looked good.

00:52:59Don't turn around now, but there's a very beautiful girl up there

00:53:03who seems to be staring at us.

00:53:04Staring at us?

00:53:06My mistake, she's blaring.

00:53:07She's blaring. It must be my wife.

00:53:10It is my wife.

00:53:13Hi, Ann.

00:53:14Don't go away.

00:53:15I'll stay right there, because I'm going to bring a friend up I want you to meet.

00:53:30Ann, prepare yourself for the treat of your life.

00:53:34This is Gallagher.

00:53:35Gallagher?

00:53:36Sure, my pal on the paper.

00:53:37She's subbing for the Society Editor tonight.

00:53:40Oh, yes, of course. How do you do?

00:53:42Gallagher?

00:53:43Mrs. Smith.

00:53:44How do you do?

00:53:45You know, Stuart, you failed to mention that Miss Gallagher was a very beautiful young girl.

00:53:49Gallagher?

00:53:51Yes, as a matter of fact, you failed to mention that Gallagher was a girl.

00:53:54I failed? Well, now, that's funny. Isn't that funny?

00:53:57Yes, isn't it?

00:53:58Well, you see, I, uh, we never look at Gallagher as a girl.

00:54:01No? Well, what do you look upon her as?

00:54:03Well, down in the office, we always just look at Gallagher, that's all.

00:54:08Well, you see, they all consider me just as one of the boys.

00:54:10Right.

00:54:11Indeed. How interesting.

00:54:13Yes, isn't it?

00:54:14Uh, Miss Wolfson will give you the guest list and any other details you need, Miss Gallagher.

00:54:20Well, thank you. I'll go and look for her at once.

00:54:23Goodbye, Mrs. Smith.

00:54:24Goodbye, Miss Gallagher.

00:54:26Goodbye, Stu.

00:54:29That was kind of a rotten thing to do, Anne.

00:54:32After all, Gallagher's my friend.

00:54:35The least you can do is be courteous to her.

00:54:37I thought I was very charming, Stuart.

00:54:39You did.

00:54:40That's a lot of hoy.

00:54:43I'll go and apologize.

00:54:44Oh, Stuart, please.

00:55:02I'm sorry, Nancy. Really, I am sorry.

00:55:06Well, that's all right, Stu.

00:55:07Oh, forget it.

00:55:08Why, as far as she's concerned, I'm just part of the hired help.

00:55:11Oh, no. No, no.

00:55:14Change. I've never seen Anne act that way before.

00:55:19It's funny I never thought to tell her that you were a girl, isn't it?

00:55:23Yes.

00:55:29Hello there, Meadows.

00:55:30Who is it you wish to see, sir?

00:55:32I want to see Stu Smith.

00:55:33Oh, excuse me. I mean, Mr. Smith.

00:55:36Pardon me. Mr. Smith's engaged.

00:55:38We have a reception here this evening.

00:55:40Oh, a party. Great, great.

00:55:41Jolly Times and Merry Pranks.

00:55:43That's me. I'm a guy who loves parties.

00:55:45You know what?

00:55:46Beautiful pair of shoulders.

00:55:48But listen now, as a favor.

00:55:50Will you please make it snappy laughing waters

00:55:52and tell Stu Smith I've got to see him

00:55:53because if you don't, my whole family's going to die.

00:55:56I'll tell Mr. Smith at once, sir.

00:55:58Have a seat.

00:56:00Well, I've got a seat, but I have no place to put it.

00:56:06Oh, pardon me, sir, but I've heard that one before.

00:56:16Excuse me.

00:56:17I want to be sure and see that he doesn't take away any of the vases.

00:56:22Well, well, well.

00:56:23My little pal, Gallagher's a gal, huh?

00:56:32That's just to give you an idea that I know how to treat a gal.

00:56:35Get first of me and I'll sock you in that little nose of yours.

00:56:40Excuse me. I'll be right back.

00:56:59What's the matter, Benji?

00:57:01A little clumsy to get in your pocket?

00:57:03No, I was just looking at it. Pretty, isn't it?

00:57:04I see.

00:57:05I was just looking for the price tag.

00:57:06What do you want?

00:57:07Oh, nothing, nothing.

00:57:09I just flew over.

00:57:09I wanted to see how the old news hound looked made up for a gentleman.

00:57:13Would you like to have me turn around for you, Benji?

00:57:15Oh, boy, I'd love it.

00:57:25How's that?

00:57:26Not bad. Not good, but not bad.

00:57:28You ought to be able to fool about almost anybody.

00:57:31Is that so?

00:57:32Well, have you seen enough, or would you like a photograph?

00:57:34A photograph?

00:57:35What's the matter?

00:57:36Hasn't Mama had you done in oils yet?

00:57:39Just a gigolo.

00:57:41I'll get this mug.

00:57:43You've got the kind of chin I just love to touch.

00:57:45And if you don't get out of here, I'm going to hang one right on it.

00:57:48Uh-uh. Now, take it easy.

00:57:49Take it easy, Dempsey.

00:57:50Just relax, my boy.

00:57:51Relax and open your pores.

00:57:53I bring a message from Garsha.

00:57:55Yeah?

00:57:56Yeah, the boss sent me over to offer you a job.

00:57:58He wants you to write a daily column on the Tribune.

00:58:00Go on.

00:58:01Well, it's all right.

00:58:02You can write your own ticket, 150 bucks a week.

00:58:05All right, I'll buy it.

00:58:06What's the catch?

00:58:06No, there's no catch.

00:58:07This is on the up and up.

00:58:08Of course, all you have to do is just sign the article,

00:58:11By Ann Skyler's Husband.

00:58:15Well, how's the old Cinderella man feel about that?

00:58:22Well, both, sir.

00:58:23Very neat.

00:58:24Yeah.

00:58:27That's what I think of it, Benji.

00:58:32Mike, the gentleman's leaving.

00:58:34Yes, sir.

00:58:49Good morning, Mother.

00:58:54Didn't I tell you that he'd be marvelous?

00:58:56You know, everybody thought he was so charming.

00:58:58I was so worried for fear he'd knock over a vase or something.

00:59:01I must have acted like an idiot.

00:59:03What does it say about the reception last night?

00:59:06Oh, the usual thing.

00:59:07Blah, blah, blah.

00:59:08Attended the blah, blah reception and wore the same blah, blah thing.

00:59:11Stop it, Ann.

00:59:12You're behaving like the person you're married to.

00:59:14Oh, you don't have anything to complain about, Mother.

00:59:16He was all right last night, wasn't he?

00:59:19I told you not to worry about him.

00:59:21It was a miracle.

00:59:22The man was ill or something.

00:59:26Mother, look, look, the front page.

00:59:40I knew it, I knew it.

00:59:42I felt it in my bones.

00:59:43Did you see the papers?

00:59:45Cinderella man grows hair on chest.

00:59:47This is the most terrible kind of publicity that could possibly...

00:59:50Don't you think I know it, Grayson?

00:59:51Smith, send for Mr. Smythe.

00:59:53Smythe, send for Mr. Smith.

00:59:56A double string.

00:59:59Cinderella man grows hair on chest.

01:00:02I wear the pants, says Ann Skyler.

01:00:04Let's go home.

01:00:19«Burns on chest.

01:00:19erstmal lemon.

01:00:35That's in the middle.

01:00:35»

01:00:35A double string.

01:00:35Okay, this is clean.

01:00:35It's rid of me.

01:00:45Good morning, everybody.

01:00:49Maybe it isn't good morning, huh?

01:00:54Ann, did you ever get a feeling there was somebody else in the room with you?

01:00:57Have you seen this?

01:00:58Yeah, the worm.

01:01:00I beg your pardon?

01:01:00He's a worm, and I'm going to step on him.

01:01:02To engage in a brawl.

01:01:03A cheap, common brawl in my own home.

01:01:05I wear the pants.

01:01:07The pants, not even the trousers.

01:01:08I've tried to stop the evening papers, but it's useless.

01:01:11You, you, you quit trying to stop anybody.

01:01:12Well, at best, you might deny it.

01:01:14Why deny it?

01:01:14The more you deny it, the more the print.

01:01:16Let them alone.

01:01:17The thing to do is to sit still.

01:01:18Keep your trap shut.

01:01:19Trap shut?

01:01:20Certainly.

01:01:20I'll take care of this guy, Bingy, myself, personally.

01:01:24Now, what are you crying about?

01:01:26Oh, is it true, Stuart?

01:01:27Did you really say it?

01:01:29Yes, I said it.

01:01:30Sure, I said it.

01:01:31I didn't say it for publication.

01:01:32And you struck him right here in our house?

01:01:34Yes, I'm sorry.

01:01:35I struck him right here in your house.

01:01:36And I'll strike anybody in anybody's house that calls me a Cinderella man.

01:01:40Well, what else do you expect them to call you?

01:01:42Dexter.

01:01:42That's the 14th crack you've made to me.

01:01:45I'm keeping count of them.

01:01:46When they get to 20, I'm going to sock you right in that nose.

01:01:48As a matter of fact, I ought to sock you right now.

01:01:50And, Skylar, are you going to sit there and watch this man insult us?

01:01:53Haven't you any decency left?

01:01:55Oh, why doesn't Dexter show some decency?

01:01:57And you might show some too, Mother.

01:01:59What do you expect a man to do when he's called such names?

01:02:02I'm glad you hit that reporter, Stuart.

01:02:04He deserved it.

01:02:05All right.

01:02:06All right.

01:02:07It's your funeral.

01:02:08And, Skylar?

01:02:12Come on, beat it, Shadow.

01:02:21Cinderella man.

01:02:23That's 15.

01:02:35Pardon me, Mary.

01:02:37They phoned through from the mayor's reception to remind you it's past the hour for the reception.

01:02:42Are the cars ready?

01:02:43They've been ready for the last half hour.

01:02:45I hope I don't have to make any speeches tonight, Anne.

01:02:48Oh, you can't disappoint all those women.

01:02:50You know, it isn't every day they get to see a famous round-the-world flyer.

01:02:54Yes, I know, but they scare me to death.

01:02:56You know, this is the fourth dinner that you've taken me to this week.

01:02:58And I'm running out of material.

01:03:00Are you complaining?

01:03:01Yes.

01:03:02There's always too many other people around.

01:03:04Anne, it's getting late.

01:03:05What are we waiting for?

01:03:06You're waiting for my husband.

01:03:08If you'll excuse me, I'll run up and see what that slowpoke's doing.

01:03:11I'll be right back.

01:03:35Do it.

01:03:36We're all waiting for you.

01:03:40Where's your valet?

01:03:42I poisoned him.

01:03:43Oh, stop trying to be funny and get ready, will you?

01:03:45Oh, I'm not going.

01:03:47What are you talking about?

01:03:49I'm talking about I'm not going.

01:03:51What am I going downstairs and tell those people?

01:03:53Go downstairs and tell them, tell them, tell them anything.

01:03:55Tell them I'm not going.

01:03:56Tell them, tell them I'm not at home.

01:03:58Stuart, would you mind telling me why you're not going?

01:04:01Yes, I'll tell you.

01:04:01For the same reason, I've never wanted to go out with those social parasites,

01:04:04those sweet-smelling fashion plates.

01:04:07I don't like them.

01:04:07They bore me.

01:04:08They give me the jitters.

01:04:09You know you're talking about my friends.

01:04:11Yes, I'm talking about your friends, and they still give me the jitters.

01:04:14Well, are you going or aren't you?

01:04:17Anne, come here.

01:04:18Look out for my lipstick, Stuart.

01:04:19I'll tell you what, let's do it.

01:04:21Let you and me sneak out all by ourselves.

01:04:23Are you crazy?

01:04:24Think of the fun we can have.

01:04:25We'll sneak down the back stairs and get in the valleys forward.

01:04:28How's that?

01:04:28Oh, will you stop being silly, Stuart?

01:04:31No, no, I'll tell you what I'll do.

01:04:32I'll take you down and introduce you to all my gang.

01:04:34Would you like that?

01:04:34But I don't want to meet your gang.

01:04:36Oh, I don't mean the newspaper fellows that you don't like.

01:04:38Another gang I know.

01:04:39You'd love them.

01:04:41They're writers, they're musicians, they're artists.

01:04:44Great crowd of people.

01:04:45Do great things.

01:04:46People worthwhile.

01:04:46Meaning that my friends aren't worthwhile, I suppose.

01:04:49Oh, God.

01:04:49Well, they're all right, Anne, but I...

01:04:51That's what you mean.

01:04:52Heaven knows you've made that clear to me often enough.

01:04:54And I'm sick and tired of it.

01:04:55I've given you party after party.

01:04:57I didn't want them to...

01:04:57I've taken you into the best homes in this town

01:04:59and introduced you to people of importance.

01:05:01And are you grateful?

01:05:02No.

01:05:02Well, what's that?

01:05:03You insult them and act like a boor.

01:05:05I'm sick and tired of making excuses for you

01:05:07and the things that you've done.

01:05:08Perhaps it's just as well you're not coming tonight.

01:05:10Maybe I can enjoy myself for once

01:05:12without having to worry about you

01:05:13and what you're going to do.

01:05:25And that, my friend,

01:05:27is what is known as Society Bell

01:05:29telling X-Star newspaper reporter

01:05:32to go to How Have You Been, Mr. Smith.

01:05:44How Have You Been, Mr. Smith.

01:06:05How Have You Been, Mr. Smith.

01:06:43How Have You Been, Mr. Smith.

01:06:48How Have You Been, Mr. Smith.

01:06:55Did you call, sir?

01:06:57Smite?

01:06:59Yes.

01:06:59Smite.

01:07:00Come here.

01:07:01I want to talk to you.

01:07:03Smite.

01:07:07Come on, Smite. Talk to me, will you?

01:07:11Smite, I'm going nuts. I'm going nuts in this house.

01:07:15This big... Come here.

01:07:18I'm not going to hurt you, but come on.

01:07:21Come on, what's the matter with you?

01:07:24Come here.

01:07:37Do you hear something? Yes, sir. Yes, sir. You try.

01:07:40Me, sir? Yeah.

01:07:44No, no, no. Give it more volume.

01:07:53No, no, that's enough.

01:07:56Just wanted to give you an idea. Now you know,

01:07:59this house is haunted. No, sir. Yes, sir.

01:08:02Have you looked in the closets all over there? Yes, sir. Found no skeletons?

01:08:06No, sir. It's haunted just the same. Yes, sir. The house is kept.

01:08:11Smite, what do you do with yourself? I mean, when you're not carrying those

01:08:14double strength, what do you do with yourself? Well, sir, I putter.

01:08:20Smite.

01:08:21Well, when you're alone and you want to amuse yourself, then what?

01:08:25I just putter.

01:08:28Putter. Do you

01:08:30have to have a putter to putter?

01:08:32Oh, no, sir. I

01:08:34putter with my hands.

01:08:37Well,

01:08:38isn't that nice? You just

01:08:39go ahead with your...

01:08:41That's all right. How do you...

01:08:43How do you do that?

01:08:45Well, sir, I'll show you.

01:09:00That's buttering, sir.

01:09:02No, that's...

01:09:04Well, well, well, that's...

01:09:05Well, it's all right. If you like, I get what...

01:09:08Can anybody...

01:09:09Anybody can do that?

01:09:10Oh, no, sir.

01:09:11Some people are natural putterers.

01:09:13Others can never master it.

01:09:15Oh, my. You mean some people are born and never would become putterers, huh?

01:09:19Yes.

01:09:19Oh, my. Wouldn't that be tragic not to know that you could never be a putterer?

01:09:23Yes.

01:09:24How about me?

01:09:25Do you think if I concentrated and put my

01:09:28whole soul into it that

01:09:29someday I might be a putterer, huh?

01:09:31You, sir?

01:09:32Mm-hmm.

01:09:33You could never be a putterer.

01:09:34And not a good putterer, sir.

01:09:35Oh, well, if I couldn't be a good...

01:09:36I don't want a putterer. If I can't be a good putterer, there's...

01:09:39Why?

01:09:40What makes you think I couldn't be a good putterer?

01:09:42Well, sir, to be a putterer, one's mind must be at ease.

01:09:46A person with a problem could never be a putterer.

01:09:49For instance, sir, a fish can putter in water, but not on land, because he'd be out of place.

01:09:56An eagle can putter around the rugged mountain tops, but not in a cage, because he'd be restless and unhappy.

01:10:04Mm-hmm.

01:10:05Now, sir, if you'll pardon me, with all respect, as a smite to a smith, you are an eagle in

01:10:11a cage.

01:10:14A bird in a guilty cage?

01:10:17Yes, sir.

01:10:18That's all I want to know.

01:10:19Oh.

01:10:33Oh.

01:10:40Hello.

01:10:42Hello, Gallagher.

01:10:43Hello, Gallagher, old pal. How are you, old pal? Hmm?

01:10:47Oh, hello, Stu.

01:10:50Hmm, pretty good. Can't complain. How's our gentleman of leisure?

01:10:54I'm on the coast of Norway, and I can't get out. Can you come get me out of the coast

01:10:58of Norway?

01:10:59Oh, your place. Hmm. You act one, seen one, the coast of Norway, and then a lot of blanks. Is

01:11:06that it?

01:11:08Huh? Come on.

01:11:10I ought to be sick.

01:11:11All right, all right. If you feel like you need a chaperone, call up, uh, call up Hank.

01:11:16Yeah, you'll find him at Joe's, no doubt.

01:11:19Yeah, Hank would be my idea of a perfect bodyguard.

01:11:23Sure you would. I knew I could depend on you, old pal.

01:11:26Snap it up, will you, Gallagher?

01:11:28Okay.

01:11:38Frank, uh, I'll get this. I'm expecting some friends.

01:11:41Very good, sir.

01:11:45Well, Gallagher, come on, come on.

01:11:47I'm glad to see you.

01:11:48Hello, Hank. How are you?

01:11:49Oh, fine, but kind of thirsty.

01:11:50Thirsty? Come right in. I'll get you a drink, huh?

01:11:51Oh, say, uh, you remember Joe.

01:11:53Sure.

01:11:53Well, I sort of invited him along to bend an elbow with a drink.

01:11:55All right, it's all right, it's all right. Bring him in.

01:11:57Come on, Joe, it's all right.

01:11:58All right.

01:11:58Hello, Joe.

01:11:59Hello, kid. How are you?

01:12:00Glad to see you, kid.

01:12:01Say, just a minute.

01:12:02Yeah?

01:12:02Johnson's outside.

01:12:03You don't mind if he comes in and dips the beef, do you?

01:12:05No, no. Bring him in. More of the marries.

01:12:07Hello, Johnson.

01:12:09Hello, Stu, old pal. How are you?

01:12:10Glad to see you, John.

01:12:11I'm glad to see you.

01:12:12I'm glad to see you.

01:12:12Wait a minute.

01:12:13I got two of the boys I brought along. They're cruising around. Nothing to do.

01:12:15You don't mind if I bring him in.

01:12:16You brought two of them?

01:12:17Yeah.

01:12:17That's all right. Bring him in.

01:12:18Well, what's the difference?

01:12:19Ask the red. Come on in.

01:12:20Hello, boy. Come in.

01:12:21Come right in, kid.

01:12:22Come right in, kid.

01:12:24Hello, Stu.

01:12:25Well, what's the...

01:12:27Hello, Stu, boy.

01:12:28Hello, Stu.

01:12:30Hello, Stu.

01:12:31Hello, study boy.

01:12:31Hi, old boy.

01:12:34Hi, Stu.

01:12:35Hi, Stu, old boy.

01:12:35How's the boy?

01:12:36Hi, old popper.

01:12:37Hello, Stu.

01:12:38Hi, Stu.

01:12:39I'm sorry nobody could come, Michael.

01:12:41Well, my old man.

01:12:42Now, here it is.

01:12:44Sweetheart, hello.

01:12:45Why don't you bring your family with you, huh?

01:12:46You know, the rest of the gang had to get out the morning edition.

01:12:48But they'll be down later.

01:12:50Now, Hank, you sure are they coming?

01:12:51Because it would be lonesome without them.

01:12:52Mike, take this crowd in there and give them a drink.

01:12:54And find out what the boys in the back room want.

01:13:01I say, that's my filthy.

01:13:02Don't be holding out on us.

01:13:03You're never willing to help me.

01:13:30Well, Gallagher, you certainly took no chances, did you?

01:13:33I'm sorry, Stu.

01:13:33I asked Hank and, well, Hank and the rest.

01:13:36I see.

01:13:36Hank brought them over, huh?

01:13:37That's all right.

01:13:37We'll give them a drink.

01:13:38We'll throw them out, huh?

01:13:39Yes, sir.

01:13:40Holy God.

01:13:42Is the green elephant standing beside that fellow?

01:13:44No.

01:13:45This is just little Bingy Baker.

01:13:47Of course.

01:13:47Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

01:13:50Ah.

01:13:53Big Chief Bingy, come to white man's teepee to make friends.

01:13:58Big Chief very sorry.

01:14:00Show how sorry.

01:14:02We'll bend over and let white man kick Big Chief where sun never shines.

01:14:10Excuse me, Gallagher.

01:14:12I wouldn't miss this, but...

01:14:15Mmm.

01:14:25Fine water.

01:14:26All right.

01:14:27Mmm.

01:14:32Well, Stu, that's all flashed out.

01:14:34By golly, I'm certainly glad you're not really sore.

01:14:37Oh.

01:14:37But you know our racket.

01:14:38You know, after all, news is news.

01:14:39Sure, it's all right.

01:14:40That's a great story, man.

01:14:41That is a great story.

01:14:42I wish I had winded.

01:14:43Well, I gave her the brakes, didn't I?

01:14:45That was, uh, that hairy chess story.

01:14:47Yeah, you raised it up to the chin, I see.

01:14:49Ha, ha, ha, ha.

01:14:49Go on, the other room.

01:14:50Get yourself a drink.

01:15:03It's Mike.

01:15:04Mike.

01:15:05Give them one drink.

01:15:07Throw them out.

01:15:08Yes, sir.

01:15:09We're gonna give him one.

01:15:11You know what I should do with you?

01:15:12I should sock you right in that funny little nose.

01:15:15Yes, I'd love it.

01:15:16Sure you'd love it.

01:15:17Go on, the other room.

01:15:27How far have you gotten?

01:15:29I've just been able to get off of that Norway coast so far.

01:15:33Act one, scene one.

01:15:34The street in Old Madrid.

01:15:36Hmm?

01:15:37Well, you're not getting your play numbers.

01:15:39You're certainly covering a lot of territory.

01:15:40Haven't I covered some territory?

01:15:42It feels like I've been on a cook's tour someplace.

01:15:45Still, have you ever been to Old Madrid?

01:15:47Been where?

01:15:48To Old Madrid.

01:15:50I've never even been to New Madrid.

01:15:52Well, how do you expect to write about it?

01:15:54Hmm, draw on my imagination, I suppose.

01:15:56Ah, did Conrad draw on his imagination?

01:15:59Did who?

01:15:59Conrad.

01:16:00What do you know about Conrad?

01:16:02I don't know a thing about him, but isn't he the one you're always yelling about?

01:16:04Gosh, you look cute.

01:16:06Isn't he the one that always writes about things, only the things he knows about?

01:16:09Right.

01:16:09Didn't he go to sea before he wrote about it?

01:16:11Right.

01:16:11Then why don't you write about something you know?

01:16:13Write about yourself and Anne.

01:16:15The poor boy who marries the rich girl.

01:16:17Now, there's a swell theme.

01:16:22Hmm.

01:16:23That's an idea there, Gallagher.

01:16:25That's an idea there.

01:16:26I wonder now.

01:16:27Oh, sure.

01:16:29She'd make a beautiful heroine.

01:16:33And as her mother,

01:16:35and oh, what a character that old dame would make with her double strength.

01:16:39And that lawyer friend of theirs, he'd make a great villain.

01:16:42Sure.

01:16:42Then there's you.

01:16:44What could I be?

01:16:45Oh, I don't know.

01:16:46You could be something.

01:16:47We find...

01:16:47Come on, scram now.

01:16:48We've got an idea again.

01:16:49Let's get this set up.

01:16:50It's a great idea now.

01:16:53Great idea for a play.

01:16:54Just get it.

01:16:54Get me a cigarette, will you?

01:16:57Let's not lose this.

01:17:03Here you are.

01:17:03All right, thank you.

01:17:05Now, let's see.

01:17:09How would I start?

01:17:13Hey, pal, how would you start, huh?

01:17:26Hey!

01:17:27You can't come in here.

01:17:31This is a private party.

01:17:41You can't come in here.

01:17:43This is a private party.

01:17:55Hey.

01:17:57Hey!

01:17:58My old classmate from Harvard.

01:18:01Whoopi.

01:18:02Harvard, 98.

01:18:03Oh, Momma.

01:18:04Hey!

01:18:05Thanks!

01:18:12I know who's the cause of it all.

01:18:14Oh, Dexter.

01:18:17Smythe?

01:18:21Smythe!

01:18:31Who are these people?

01:18:33Benzema.

01:18:35Very...

01:18:36L-l-l-l-literary people.

01:18:40He's drunk.

01:18:41Smythe, you've been drinking.

01:18:44I have.

01:18:46Double spritz.

01:18:47Very drunk.

01:18:48My only is Mr. Smith.

01:18:49Miss?

01:18:50Well, for crying out loud.

01:18:53I don't know.

01:18:55And I don't care.

01:18:59Whoop-a!

01:19:02Now, Gallagher.

01:19:03If we could only get a great scene, a tremendously emotional scene, something that would just

01:19:08wring the hearts out of the public to bring the curtain down on the second act would be

01:19:11okay.

01:19:12Couldn't dig one out of your hat someplace, could you?

01:19:14Yep.

01:19:15I'm afraid I'm all out of tricks tonight.

01:19:17Now, we've got him right up to where the boy is wearing his white spats and going to pink teas

01:19:21and the frow eaters.

01:19:22How's that?

01:19:23Very good.

01:19:24Now, if we can just get where we...

01:19:32Oh, hello, Ann.

01:19:33Good morning.

01:19:36What does this mean?

01:19:37What does what mean?

01:19:38Oh, that mob downstairs?

01:19:40I got so interested in the play, I forgot all about him.

01:19:42I'll go down and tell him.

01:19:42Now, let's see.

01:19:43Yeah.

01:19:43Have we got a play, Ann?

01:19:44Oh, have we got a play?

01:19:46Of course, most of it's Gallagher's.

01:19:48She did most of it.

01:19:48That brain of her just snaps like that all the time.

01:19:50Well, I'm not interested in the way her brain snaps.

01:19:53I think I'd better go, Stu.

01:19:54I think you should, Miss Gallagher.

01:19:57Hey, wait a minute, Gallagher.

01:20:00What's the idea, Ann?

01:20:01The idea is simply this, that I want these people to leave here immediately.

01:20:03Now, wait a minute.

01:20:04Aren't you being a little unreasonable?

01:20:06Unreasonable?

01:20:07Have you any idea what the place looks like downstairs?

01:20:09Do you expect me to stand here and see this house turned into a cheap barroom?

01:20:12Now, don't get excited, Ann.

01:20:14There's no reason for that.

01:20:15Perhaps the boys have had a little too much to drink.

01:20:17That's all right.

01:20:17I'm sorry.

01:20:18I'll go right down and throw them out.

01:20:19There's no reason for you to take this attitude.

01:20:21After all, I certainly have a right to invite a few of my friends to my house, haven't I?

01:20:26Your house?

01:20:29Oh, I get you.

01:20:30It's all right.

01:20:31It's all right.

01:20:32I don't blame you.

01:20:33Kind of forgot myself for a moment there.

01:20:36That's what I call getting me told, isn't it, Ann?

01:20:39I suppose I've been boarding out this last year.

01:20:42All right, I'll tell you this.

01:20:43I don't like your boarding house, lady.

01:20:45And if it's all the same to you, I'm moving out.

01:20:50Let's do it.

01:20:51It's something I should have done a long time ago.

01:20:53Only I didn't have sex enough to do it.

01:20:55No, I have to stick around here.

01:20:57I'm trying to make a success or something, and I know darn well of the failure from the very beginning.

01:21:02But no more.

01:21:03No more.

01:21:04So that's that.

01:21:04Oh, you can't walk out of here like this.

01:21:06Oh, I can't.

01:21:07Who's going to stop me?

01:21:07I'd like to see somebody stop me.

01:21:09What do you think I'm going to stick around this joint?

01:21:11Just a look at this monster limb, not on your life.

01:21:14You're going to make no stuffed shirt out of me.

01:21:16Now, what do you think of that?

01:21:18What's going on here?

01:21:20Who's this woman?

01:21:21Jonah Rock.

01:21:21What's it do you?

01:21:22Oh, heavens.

01:21:23The man's insane.

01:21:24Sure, I'm insane.

01:21:25But I've got some good news for you.

01:21:27This magnolia is leaving your sweet-smelling vanilla joint.

01:21:30This bird in the cage is going to button his own pants from now on.

01:21:33And that's what's known as telling the mother-in-law.

01:21:36You freak.

01:21:37God, you've done nothing but watch me.

01:21:38Watch me ever since I've been here.

01:21:40Treated me like a thug.

01:21:42Watched me like a hawk.

01:21:43Mistrusted me.

01:21:44And every time I leave the house, that dame goes out and counts the cellar.

01:21:46That's ridiculous.

01:21:47Right.

01:21:48It's all right.

01:21:48I don't blame her.

01:21:49I know I'm out of my own crowd.

01:21:51Should have had better sense from the beginning.

01:21:53But I'll stay in my own backyard from now on.

01:21:55You're acting like a child.

01:21:56All right, I'm a child.

01:21:57All right, I'm a child.

01:21:58Have it any way you want.

01:21:59But I'm going back to my own apartment, where I should have lived in the first place.

01:22:03But no, I've got to listen to you and move here.

01:22:05All right, if you want to live with me, Ann, that's okay.

01:22:07But the sign outside will say Mr. Stu Smith.

01:22:10And you'll have to be Mrs. Stu Smith, or there's nothing doing.

01:22:13No more Ann Skyler's husband.

01:22:15And here's some more news for you.

01:22:16You can take your red room, your green room, your left wing, your right wing,

01:22:20and you know what you can do with them.

01:22:22Come on, guys.

01:22:22Don't do it.

01:22:31Pardon me.

01:22:31Could you spare a dime for a cup of coffee?

01:22:34Coffee?

01:22:35How'd you like to be the knight of the garter?

01:22:37No, no, just...

01:22:38It's all right.

01:22:39Wait just a minute.

01:22:43Entertain the gentleman, Gallagher.

01:22:47There you are, my man.

01:22:49With those, you can eat for a couple of months.

01:22:51Come on.

01:22:51How about the socks?

01:22:55I wouldn't worry too much about it, Stu.

01:22:57She'll see it your way.

01:22:58Oh, I'm not worrying about her.

01:23:00I'm worrying about that second act curtain, that's all.

01:23:02Well, you're just a first-class chump.

01:23:04Well, you just staged a scene that'll play like a million dollars.

01:23:07How about that Declaration of Independence for the second act curtain?

01:23:10It's an idea, Gallagher.

01:23:11It's a great idea.

01:23:22Hey, Gallagher.

01:23:24Gallagher.

01:23:26Yeah?

01:23:27Say, how about my breakfast?

01:23:28How do you expect me to ring a curtain down on an empty stomach?

01:23:30A little bit ready in a minute.

01:23:31Never mind that.

01:23:32If you can't get my breakfast ready, can't get here in time in the morning, then you can go get

01:23:35yourself another job.

01:23:37Sorry, Gallagher.

01:23:37Don't be sorry.

01:23:38Just get the breakfast, that's all.

01:23:55Hello, Smith.

01:23:57Holy jumping swordfish.

01:23:59I suppose you know why I came.

01:24:01No, I have no idea, unless some of the silverware is missing.

01:24:04No.

01:24:05Don't be absurd, Smith.

01:24:07May I come in?

01:24:09Surely.

01:24:10Come right in.

01:24:11Thanks.

01:24:20May I sit down?

01:24:23Surely, sit down.

01:24:24If I'd known you'd come in, I'd have thrown you up a waffle.

01:24:26Oh, I don't eat waffles.

01:24:27You don't?

01:24:28Ann asked me to come and see you about the divorce.

01:24:31She did.

01:24:32She wants me to arrange the financial settlement.

01:24:36Hey, listen, Jason.

01:24:38I got 106 bucks and 75 cents in the bank.

01:24:40Now, Ann can have any part of that she wants, but she's got to hurry, because I'm spending it awful

01:24:44fast.

01:24:44You don't seem to understand.

01:24:45Ann doesn't expect anything from you.

01:24:47We would like to know how much you would want to.

01:24:50Now, wait a minute.

01:24:51Do I get from you that she wants to pay me alimony?

01:24:54Well, that's putting it crudely, but, uh...

01:24:56Do you remember what I told you about that 20th crack?

01:24:58Perfect.

01:24:58All right, you've just made it.

01:24:59Now, before you go unconscious, I want you to get this through your nut.

01:25:02I beg your pardon?

01:25:03Unconscious.

01:25:03You know, when you don't know anything.

01:25:04You're in a natural state.

01:25:06There are some people you can't buy their self-respect for a bucket of shekels.

01:25:09Well, I happen to be one of those guys.

01:25:10We just thought...

01:25:10Don't think.

01:25:11Let me do the thank you.

01:25:12Now, you go back to that Skyler outfit and tell them that I didn't marry that dame for her dough,

01:25:16and I don't want any of her dough now.

01:25:17Yes.

01:25:17I was too poor to buy her a wedding present when we were married, so I'll give her a divorce

01:25:20for a wedding present.

01:25:21Now, stand up.

01:25:23And now for that 20th crack.

01:26:03What was that?

01:26:06That's it.

01:26:08That's kind of a lawyer.

01:26:11What do you want?

01:26:17Gallagher, that guy just dropped by to give us a great opening for the third act.

01:26:21What was the idea he gave you?

01:26:24Swell idea, Gallagher.

01:26:25How's this?

01:26:26The family lawyer comes to see the kid to talk over the divorce, you know.

01:26:30Then they insult the poor but honest boy by offering him alimony.

01:26:33So the kid gets sore, sucks the lawyer in the nose and throws him out.

01:26:37How's that for the beginning of the third act, huh?

01:26:40Well, from now on the play will be easy.

01:26:43All you have to do is bring the wife back, have her say she's sorry and then your play is

01:26:47over.

01:26:48What's the matter?

01:26:49Do you think I'm going to let that guy go back to his wife?

01:26:51Not on your life.

01:26:53He's got to go to the other gal.

01:26:55What other girl?

01:26:57Little O'Brien girl, of course.

01:26:59The one you suggested in the story.

01:27:02Well, that's ridiculous, Stu.

01:27:04Well, you can't make a sudden change like that.

01:27:06Gallagher, what are you going to do?

01:27:07Tell me how to write a play?

01:27:08No.

01:27:09There's nothing sudden about that.

01:27:11He's always loved the girl.

01:27:13But he was such a sap he didn't have sense enough to tell her.

01:27:18That's all right.

01:27:18We can fix that.

01:27:19He'll go to the gal and...

01:27:21Yeah, I'll show you.

01:27:22He'll go to the little O'Brien gal and he'll say...

01:27:25In some pretty words of some kind, he'll say something that you can write.

01:27:29And he'll say, darling...

01:27:31I'm sorry.

01:27:32I've been a fool all my life.

01:27:34I've always loved you, only I didn't have sense enough to see it.

01:27:37And as quick as I get a divorce from my wife...

01:27:40I want you to marry me.

01:27:42And she'll look at him and then she'll say...

01:27:44Yeah.

01:27:46And then they'll...

01:27:48They'll embrace...

01:27:49Or something like that.

01:27:52And you'll kiss her or something.

01:28:09What's the matter, Gary?

01:28:11What's the matter?

01:28:42You'll kiss her or something like that.

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