00:09Music
00:23Television's new Old Boys Network is Five Aside Football After Work.
00:28Hello Miles, Giles, Matt, Sam, Jack and Dan.
00:31Let's get together for a wee bit of testosterone induced male bonding.
00:34It's so real. It's positively puritarian.
00:37Man on, square ball, kick in, spit in.
00:40Oh, the mobile's vibrating. I must take this. Let's go to my agent.
00:44Hello. Oh.
00:45Oh, lovely composition.
00:47Indeed, football teams are very much like film crews.
00:51Specific jobs for specific roles.
00:53And in the world of television, you will often hear this tired old cliché trotted out.
00:57But television's not a democracy, right?
01:01Indeed, it's more like a rigidly inflexible militaristic hierarchy
01:05full of status-obsessed careerist ladder climbers.
01:08And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why so much television is shit on a biscuit.
01:13Me and Steph are like a couple of bison caught in the condescending crosses of your camera's gaze.
01:19A couple of grunts to add to the illusion of TV as some sort of egalitarian equal opportunities employer.
01:24A couple of Uncle Toms desperately overennunciated in front of the lens, but never allowed behind it.
01:29Well, that's about to change. Give me that fucking lens!
01:32The lunatics have taken over the pre-post-production facility houses from you privileged poncy prenas.
01:37Stuck on your fat arses.
01:39Bones all soft from living in air-conditioned, centrally heated environments.
01:42We're gonna lord it over you bastards for a change.
01:45Hmm, but is it comedy and does it have the legs?
01:49And you really should be signposting it because the public are so thick, aren't they?
01:53This-
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