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00:04That slaps.
00:06What's that?
00:07It's something that's really good.
00:09I quite like that.
00:10That slaps.
00:10Whoa, that slaps, man.
00:13God, that girl's peng.
00:14Peng's gone.
00:15What?
00:16It's leng.
00:17If you're fit now, it's like, Alan, you're leng.
00:21Am I ever going to find love on this island?
00:23I just don't think there's any gays.
00:25Maybe underground gays.
00:27Well, dead.
00:31Right, I'll get a shovel.
00:33Let's go on a dink.
00:33Let's go on a dink.
00:40In the beautiful island of Corfu, Amanda and I are spending the summer renovating a family holiday home.
00:50We've completed nearly all of the rooms and now we're taking on a space each.
00:56I'm doing up the bathroom.
00:59And I'm tackling the old landing.
01:03I was thinking, you know, to dip into the Greek culture, the cradle of learning.
01:10And I was thinking having a reading room, a bit of a day bed.
01:14Yes.
01:15Yeah, and I just think books and then maybe one of those busts of like a Greek god, you know,
01:20Hercules or something.
01:22What about Hercules lifting up the bunk bed?
01:25No.
01:26Can you imagine how amazing that would be to come in and then Hercules is like that?
01:31I want it to be full of books.
01:33I want a day bed.
01:34I want a ladder like you get in posh libraries.
01:37And I want it to be like full of philosophy and, you know, mythology and stuff like that.
01:43Real Greek centre of learning.
01:45And what are we going to do about this bathroom?
01:47Well, this is where I feel like we can go really Greek.
01:51Yeah.
01:52And I was thinking of a round bath.
01:55But I wondered about sort of mosaic tiling along the halfway so it looks very Greek.
02:03Yeah.
02:03A chandelier.
02:06I mean, doesn't it just look a bit ostentatious?
02:09Amanda always has these grand plans and they get bigger and bigger and more fabulous.
02:15The potential for that to look awful is really high.
02:22Before we can start the interiors, we've got to knock down the internal wall, dividing the spaces so a new
02:29solid one can be built.
02:31But Amanda's more concerned about fitting in her circular bath.
02:35Is this, um, is this floor coming up?
02:38We have to.
02:39Yes, good.
02:40I'd need it to because I'm having a round bath.
02:43So we need to, yeah.
02:44So we need a strong floor.
02:46Because it's heavy.
02:47It's going to be heavy.
02:47Yes, it's going to be heavy.
02:48Why can't, why just have a normal bath?
02:50I want something different.
02:51Round is stupid.
02:52Bathrooms are my speciality.
02:53Round?
02:55It's quite plain.
02:56Where do you find that picture?
02:58Where is it?
02:58It's from?
02:59On my, it's on my mood board.
03:00Well, it's just the photo.
03:01It's AI.
03:06Look, Alan, please tell me, can you?
03:08I'm with Stamatic, this is AI.
03:11That is not AI.
03:12I think the unicorn in the bath is a bit of a giveaway.
03:19Can't wait to see it.
03:20Can't wait to see it.
03:21It's not mine.
03:22It will happen.
03:23It's yours.
03:27I have a vivid imagination and I have quite outlandish ideas.
03:33But I can see it all.
03:35It's going to work and it has to work.
03:38I'm just going to say this.
03:40I think there's more chance of a bus turning up at this bus stop than you get in around Bluebath
03:45in Corfu.
03:50There, I've said it.
04:00In order to make my reading room a centre of learning, I've got to get to grips with Greek mythology.
04:06So, I'm whisking Amanda away to Corfu's Achillian Palace for a research trip.
04:14God, it's stunning.
04:17Isn't it?
04:17Just look.
04:18Greek mythology has been around for over 3,000 years.
04:22These stories were an essential part of the ancient Greeks' religion and are still reflected in the culture today.
04:30Now we need to learn a bit of...
04:31Let's feed our brains.
04:32...something, don't we?
04:34Inspired by the Greek gods, the palace was originally built in 1890 by Empress Sisi of Austria.
04:41How are you?
04:42Hello.
04:43I'm Alan.
04:44I'm Amanda.
04:45My name is Napsika.
04:46Napsika.
04:47So, shall we?
04:48Yes.
04:54Wow, look at these statues.
04:57Isn't it impressive?
04:58Yeah.
05:00Sisi tragically lost her son and built the palace of her dreams as her refuge as well as a tribute
05:06to Greek mythology.
05:07OK, so as we go to the famous statue of Achilles...
05:11It's very homoerotic.
05:13It's a lovely bottom.
05:15It's too perfect.
05:17OK, so you know the story?
05:18About how he became immortal.
05:20Almost.
05:21Didn't his mother hold him by the ankle and dip him into sticks? Is it the river?
05:25The river, yes.
05:26And because she was holding Achilles' heel, the whole body became immortal except of the heel.
05:31That is why that was his weak point.
05:33And when Paris, the kidnapper of Helen, knew about the secret, the weak point of Achilles, so he aimed at
05:39his heel and with a poison arrow he killed him.
05:42Oh!
05:46So you know who this lady is?
05:49Is it Venus?
05:49Yes, she looks like Venus, but she's very famous.
05:54Frini was her name.
05:55Frini is such a pretty name.
05:57Yay!
05:57Frini, she was an escort.
06:28Ooh!
06:30Why do you think they made up these stories?
06:33It's much more interesting, if you think about it, to add some spiciness in your life.
06:37Yes!
06:38You know, all these stories.
06:38And in the past, people didn't travel at all.
06:40No, no, no.
06:41So they stayed forever in one place.
06:42Yeah.
06:43So they needed some, like, imagination and, you know, people that they shared stories.
06:48Yeah, they need to be entertained.
06:49Yeah, that's true.
06:52I loved every second of that.
06:53I just want all those stories to go into my head so I can remember them, so I can tell
06:57my kids.
06:58Listen, just go into my reading room.
07:00All the information's going to be there.
07:02I'm going to have little nods to this place in there.
07:04There's going to be a statue, a bus, there's going to be books about me.
07:07Is there going to be a statue?
07:07I might stick one of these in my bum bag and walk out.
07:11Oh, look at this.
07:13The ancient Greeks believed that they had to pray to the gods for help and protection,
07:18because if the gods were unhappy with someone, then they would punish them.
07:22The ancient city was built between the two high hills and was known as Korifo,
07:27and later became Porfu, which means the city of the hills.
07:31Ah, interesting.
07:34Let's hope the gods are smiling down on some of your design choices.
07:38Who's the god of bathrooms?
07:42Domestos.
07:43Oh, is that god of toilets?
07:48Oh, that's good.
07:49That's so good.
07:52Well, Domestos has worked her magic, as despite the doubters, Stamatis has come up trumps.
07:58He's got one of his best builders, Adonis, to make my AI circular bar a reality.
08:08And today, it's arriving on site.
08:13This is a work of art.
08:16You've made a dream come true for this woman, because everybody said,
08:20It's AI.
08:21Did I say that?
08:22It's not real.
08:23It's not real.
08:24This is real.
08:27Adonis has lived up to his name.
08:29OK, so...
08:30We just have to...
08:31Can we pass through the door?
08:32...wheel this into there.
08:35That's it.
08:36You make that look easy.
08:39I mean, look at this.
08:41Is it going to overtake the entire bathroom now?
08:43Now I'm going to see how big this is.
08:46Very big.
08:47Oh, yes.
08:48Look at this.
08:48Oh, my God, I'm going to get in the bath with a massive glass of wine.
08:54And look at next door's bougainvillea.
08:57And they can see you as well.
08:58Hello!
09:00Give the people what they want.
09:05Luckily, my second showstopper for the bathroom has arrived today, too.
09:10I have got one piece of my chandelier.
09:15Now we need to make everything match with the thing, eh?
09:18Everything that sort of blue.
09:20Like, climb in.
09:21How big is that thing?
09:2355 centimetres.
09:24I need it to be so that you don't bash your head on it, but it needs to be quite
09:28low.
09:29Yeah, like that.
09:31Maybe a bit higher for the window.
09:32Yeah.
09:33Yeah.
09:34Okay.
09:36Interesting.
09:44Whilst Amanda lives in a world of artificial intelligence, I'm embracing tradition.
09:50I've come to Corfu town to hunt out some authentic Greek crafts to display in my reading room.
09:56There's everything in here, there's pots, there's handbags.
09:59And I've heard local artist Olga is the woman in the know.
10:04This is speaking my language.
10:07I've got a reading room, doing up a reading room.
10:10I just want object art.
10:12I want interesting things.
10:13Curiosities to put on the shelves that people go, oh, I love that.
10:17Well, then here is your place.
10:19Yes.
10:19We have beautiful jewellery and pottery that I personally enjoy.
10:23That's my best thing in the whole world.
10:26This is perfect.
10:27This is perfect.
10:27Corfu actually has a very long tradition for pottery.
10:32Wow.
10:32So here we have all Corfu's tradition in one art object.
10:38So it's ceramic.
10:40Oh, I love it.
10:41It's the jewellery because Corfu has a great tradition in jewellery making.
10:45Hello, look at this.
10:45It's the traditional costume and the Easter costume.
10:49As part of an ancient Greek tradition,
10:51at Easter, these large clay pots, called batides,
10:55are filled with water, decorated with ribbons and thrown from balconies.
11:00So would you like to try and draw something like that with me?
11:02I'd love to.
11:03I would love it.
11:04It would be an honour.
11:04Olga, it would be an honour.
11:06Let's give it a try.
11:07Okay.
11:08Olga's great.
11:09I love her energy.
11:10I love her spirit.
11:12She's everything I want sort of the reading room to be.
11:14I want it to be fun, knowledgeable.
11:18Just create a spark in you, you know, inspire you.
11:22And then just go.
11:25Yes.
11:26Yes.
11:27Very good.
11:28Great.
11:29When I don't do the noise, it's rubbish, is it?
11:31No.
11:32Just try it.
11:34Back at the build, my tiles have arrived,
11:37which I'm hoping match my electric blue chandelier.
11:41There's a lot of purple in there.
11:44I don't think this is the right colour.
11:49I don't like it.
11:50Mm-mm.
11:51Nobody wants like an iridescent, pearly, purplish bathroom.
11:59It's a disaster, darling.
12:02It's so shiny and nasty.
12:05It's like a mermaid's tail.
12:15Yeah, do you know any gays?
12:18Listen.
12:19I do.
12:20Can I be honest with you?
12:21I do.
12:21I'm single, and I'm trying to find love in Corfu.
12:27Well, I have someone who's great at giving massages.
12:31Are you interesting?
12:32We can set up a blind date.
12:34Don't.
12:34This has gone from nought to 60.
12:40Zeus.
12:40How long will you stay here for?
12:42If it's for love, I'm that desperate, I'll change my visa.
12:49Listen, for my first attempt, that's OK.
12:51Oh, not to be fair.
12:53Art is never perfect.
12:55Yeah.
12:56I'm going to go.
12:57You get on the phone and keep me posted, please.
13:00We'll be in touch.
13:00Yes, I'll be in touch.
13:01OK.
13:02Please get in touch, yes.
13:03You too.
13:03Bye-bye, Alan.
13:04Bye-bye.
13:05Bye.
13:06I popped him for a pot, and I come out with a Greek lover.
13:10Boom.
13:11Wonderful.
13:15With my bathroom ambitions in the balance, Alan is taking me for a soak in the sea.
13:20Right, Alan.
13:22Don't come near me for two minutes, because I'm going to hang it in.
13:25That's disgusting.
13:26Here.
13:33Oh, my God.
13:35Have you finished your week?
13:36I've finished my week.
13:36At least it's warm in that bunch of bed.
13:39Everyone looks good in this kind of light, don't they?
13:42Yeah.
13:44What are you saying?
13:46You've got a crushed ear and a thin top lip and stained-up glasses.
13:51I can't understand.
13:53You don't even look like you.
13:54I don't look like me.
13:56He doesn't look like you.
14:13It's a new day.
14:15I'm going to hone my woodworking skills as I create my bespoke bookshelves.
14:22This room is going to be like walking into Stephen Fry's brain.
14:26Culture.
14:27Poetry.
14:28Thinking.
14:29No telly.
14:30Books.
14:31Philosophy.
14:32You know, like when you go to the British Museum or V&A or something like that, you know,
14:37you go in there, you go, your sort of like mouth falls open because you see all these amazing
14:43books and obje d'art and antiques and artefacts and you feel like, wow, my brain is getting
14:48nourished here.
14:49That's what I want.
14:50So...
14:51To bring my vision to life, first we need to work out the dimensions.
14:55Do you know what?
14:55Because that's high up, that can be the adult section.
14:58Erotica.
14:59Top shelf.
14:59Top shelf.
15:01And cut MDF boards to size.
15:04We're also making an outer frame to screw the boards into place.
15:16Hold.
15:17Hold it.
15:17I am holding it.
15:19Hold.
15:20I'm holding it.
15:25Let it go.
15:34Beautiful.
15:37Happy?
15:37Is that looking all right so far?
15:38I'm loving it.
15:40It's great.
15:45Whilst Alan's keen to display his Greek obje d'art, I'm on the hunt in Corfu town for some
15:50authentic Greek items of my own.
15:54The Greeks have used sea sponges for personal hygiene for centuries, so I've come to the
15:59land of Corfu shop that specialises in sustainably sourced ones for my family bathroom.
16:05Oh, my God.
16:07Oh, that's a bit scary.
16:10Excuse me?
16:12Hi, hello.
16:13Hello, hello.
16:14This is an amazing shop.
16:17Thank you very much.
16:18I have no idea so many massive sponges existed.
16:23We collect from very deep depths, about 80 metres.
16:27Wow.
16:28It needs some very, very good divers.
16:32So, experts.
16:33Yes.
16:33What an amazing job.
16:35What do you do?
16:36I dye for sponges.
16:38So, tell me, what's the most expensive sponge in this shop?
16:44The most expensive shop is like that.
16:47It's 400 euro, because this size is very difficult to grow.
16:53Do people actually buy them and then, like, use them?
16:56No, no.
16:56This one is for collectors.
16:58Yeah.
16:59It's something very, very special and elegant.
17:02Alan may have his reading room, but my secret weapon is a sponge.
17:08That looks like a lovely cauliflower.
17:10Sponsi Adriatica and Cappatico from East Mediterranean.
17:15Perfect.
17:16It might be nice if I can find some coral, maybe a couple of shells.
17:21I think we'll get these.
17:22This is amazing.
17:23It's an amazing colour.
17:25Yeah.
17:26Perfect.
17:27My bathroom's going to look epic.
17:33I've been using my time on the island to get my toe back into the dating world.
17:38I've not had much luck so far, but tonight my friend Olga has organised a blind date with
17:44her friend Andrew.
17:45Give me, give me, give me all that after midnight.
17:49The masseuse.
17:51My dating history on Corfu has been a little bit mixed.
17:56The first date was a bit of a disaster.
17:59Amanda's put me on the app and no one's really bitten.
18:02So I'm here to try again.
18:06Are you Andrew?
18:08Hello.
18:09Hello, Alan.
18:09I'm Alan.
18:10How are you?
18:10Mwah.
18:11Mwah.
18:12Nice to see you.
18:14Do you like a gin tonic?
18:15Yes, please.
18:16Make it a double the day I've had.
18:18You're having gin as well?
18:19Yep.
18:20Yeah, double gin, yeah, lovely.
18:23Yeah, what's that?
18:25Tequila's there.
18:25Oh, you like shots?
18:27That's dangerous.
18:28Very.
18:29Because to me, when I have tequila, my clothes come off.
18:32Really?
18:32Just so you know.
18:33Yeah.
18:33Let's do it.
18:34Let's bring tequila.
18:35Stop it, you know.
18:38Come on, you don't even know my name and you're getting fruity already.
18:41You've just got to put yourself out there, haven't you?
18:43You know what I mean?
18:44If you want to catch a fish, you've got to get your rod out.
18:47So, whilst Alan is wooing his potential new man, I'm battling with my 300 piece electric
18:53blue chandelier.
18:55I've been two hours putting this blinking thing together.
18:59I have no idea really what the pattern is because someone threw the box away and I can't
19:06find a picture of it.
19:07Oh, buzz off.
19:14Yes.
19:14Yes.
19:15I actually think Alan is going to eat his words.
19:18He's going to think it's nice.
19:24Look at that.
19:25Yeah, you're very good.
19:26That's good, isn't it?
19:29That's good.
19:35Cheers.
19:37Good job we're not playing strip pool, innit?
19:40You'd be naked.
19:45It's always a bit eggy when you're dating.
19:48I'm just going to see how it goes, but I just think time is of the essence.
19:54I'm approaching 50.
19:56I've been a bit miserable, but now I love Greece and I want to find love, you know?
20:03So what do you look for in someone when you go dating?
20:07Being happy.
20:09Being happy.
20:09Oh, you go for happy people.
20:10Happy people.
20:11I go for men who are really good at pool.
20:14Mmm, I like it.
20:20It's been lovely having a nice date with you.
20:23Me too.
20:24Me too.
20:26Let's do another date.
20:29Let's have a dinner.
20:30Let's have a dinner.
20:32Promise?
20:33Promise.
20:34Oh, you're so lovely.
20:37Now, please, I'm going to go.
20:41You're so lovely.
20:42Mwah.
20:50It's a busy morning at the build as we try and get both of our rooms finished.
20:57Adonis has come through again with an ingenious alternative to my tile dilemma.
21:03A waterproof, coloured plaster finish.
21:06Fabulous.
21:08Okay.
21:08But this is the undercoat.
21:10This is the undercoat.
21:10Yeah, this is not 100% what...
21:12Because it's not the colour, but it's the primer.
21:14Correct.
21:15The base coat.
21:16Ah.
21:17Let's go in.
21:18Okay.
21:19Okay.
21:20Adonis is the king of bathrooms.
21:22The king of hot tubs.
21:24He's just the king of...
21:26hot.
21:28Mr Matis has been giving all of his attention to the blue bath,
21:32but I've got an even bigger challenge for him in my family reading room.
21:37Fitting the floating bed.
21:41It's crucial for our design, as it's not only a space to read...
21:45Okay.
21:45..but it's an overspill bed for large families.
21:52It's quite high up.
21:54There's a ladder that swings about, so the potential for it to go wrong is quite high.
22:01It's got a curve in the middle.
22:03Yeah, because it's heavy and it's long.
22:05Yeah.
22:05So we need to do something to support.
22:07So we need...
22:07You need to think now an idea.
22:09What are we going to put in the middle?
22:10I don't think Mr Matis takes my design ideas as seriously as he does Amanda's.
22:15Like, he made her bath work.
22:17The point of a floating bed is it has to look like it's floating.
22:23That's not floating if it's got a massive stick keeping it up.
22:26It's meant to be magic.
22:27People are meant to go, how's that bed staying up there?
22:31If it's got a giant pole keeping it up, where's the surprise?
22:34I mean, look how big it is.
22:36Oh, God.
22:36Nearly three metres.
22:37That's a big bed.
22:42I'm just wondering whether the bed shouldn't be floating.
22:44Maybe I should just stick a futon in there and be done with it.
22:49You hold it like that and press, you see?
22:53So you push it in.
22:54Yeah.
22:58As Alan's struggling, I'm thriving.
23:02For us to have found this extraordinary solution that I didn't even know existed,
23:07like blue cement, I'm like glad that we had the problem,
23:11because we found a way around it and it's better than the original idea.
23:15That's amazing.
23:16Oh!
23:19Hello, Mr. Carl!
23:20Hello!
23:24What do you think of me big blue bath?
23:26Oh, yeah, it's...
23:29Yeah!
23:29Blue!
23:30Yeah, it's blue, it's blue!
23:32This is the undercoat, so it's going as blue as my chandelier.
23:38Adonis, what do you think?
23:39Is this good or is she crazy?
23:40Yeah, no, no, no.
23:42You think it's going to look good?
23:43Yeah, it's going to look very good.
23:44Thank you, Adonis.
23:46All right, all right.
23:53After a full-on day of DIY, Stamatis and his wife Olympia have invited Alan and my girls
23:58to the Vaccarola Festival in celebration of St Spiridon.
24:03It's bigger than I thought it was going to be, Adonis.
24:05It's like the old Corfu's come out, isn't it?
24:07Yeah, yeah.
24:08In 1716, the Ottomans tried to invade Corfu, but their attack failed.
24:14It's believed that St Spiridon worsened the weather, stopping the battle.
24:18Stamatis.
24:19Yeah.
24:19Oh!
24:20Hey!
24:21How are you?
24:24This is amazing!
24:25Yeah, yeah.
24:26How many celebrations a year are there to do with Greek gods?
24:29Every second day, they're doing something.
24:31In the summer, in the summer, in the summer.
24:32Yeah, yeah.
24:33Are the fireworks quite loud, because I've got a nervous disposition?
24:37It's just a light, and a little bit bang, bang, bang.
24:40No, no, no, no, no.
24:41I mean, when you have bonfire night at home, there's like a barrier,
24:45and you have a couple of people in high-vis jackets.
24:48The man's over there just standing next to a box of fireworks, having a fag.
24:52I just don't, I don't know, I can't really relax.
24:57Okay, should we do a toast to, how do you call this tradition?
25:00Yes.
25:01Vaccarola.
25:01Vaccarola.
25:02Vaccarola.
25:04Vaccarola.
25:05Vaccarola, vaccarola.
25:07Every year on August the 11th, St Spiridon is honoured with a mock recreation of the battle,
25:12and fireworks galore.
25:15Ah!
25:17Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
25:23ha.
25:35At the house, we're on the home stretch to finish the rooms.
25:41Adonis has been colour matching my bath to the chandelier so I can finally hang it in place.
25:47Ready?
25:48Yeah.
25:50Yay!
25:52And style the space.
25:56And with my bed finally floating, I'm bringing my wall of shelves to life.
26:06Oh.
26:09Is Willy's fallen off?
26:22So, you've got to admit it turned out better than you expected.
26:25It really, really did.
26:29And I'm going to just say, with this renovation, I think I'm falling in love with the colour blue ball.
26:37Thank you, Anna.
26:38You look.
26:40That, to me, does look a little bit cheap.
26:45It wasn't expensive.
26:47It wasn't cheap, but this was A.I. Now it's A.H.
26:53A.H.
26:54I see what you did there.
26:58Yeah, hats off to you because it's brilliant.
27:02Come and have a look at my intellectual space.
27:15It is amazing, I have to say.
27:17Yeah.
27:18You've come in from the beach.
27:20It's not tea time yet.
27:22You're not getting ready.
27:23I'm going to climb all the way up there with my book.
27:25And if I nod off, I nod off.
27:26Who cares?
27:28You've done an incredible job.
27:29Yeah.
27:29And it's allowed us to have another guest.
27:31Yeah.
27:32And if you wanted to, you could have a little put you up there and have more people.
27:36Yeah.
27:37So what do you think of me unit?
27:39I love, I mean, I love a unit and I love how you've styled all the books colour coordinated.
27:44There's Aphrodite.
27:45Aphrodite for me.
27:47Yeah.
27:47And there's Apollon for me.
27:49Apollon?
27:50Apollon is the Greek way of saying Apollo.
27:53Oh.
27:54But sadly, the willy's fallen off.
27:57Did you really lose his willy?
27:59Yeah, the willy snapped off.
28:00Oh my God.
28:01Poor man.
28:02I know, I know.
28:03But he's still smiling.
28:05Right.
28:06Next time.
28:08We hit the dance floor.
28:10That is a calorie burner, that is.
28:12And I finally have some luck.
28:14Amanda put me on a Lonely Hearts app.
28:17You know me now here.
28:18Why you need the app?
28:21As we take on our final space.
28:24I'm proud of you.
28:25I'm proud of you too.
28:26Yabba!
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