- 18 minutes ago
A countryside girl discovers her true identity as a powerful aristocratic heiress.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:35Oh, Dad.
00:00:41Hello?
00:00:42Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:45I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:50So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip, too.
00:00:54Sue, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:00:59I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.
00:01:03I'm going to lose my virginity to him.
00:01:05You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:07What?
00:01:08But you can't.
00:01:09I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:13Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:15You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:19This is bad.
00:01:20You know, I'm going to tell Lexi.
00:01:22She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:32Come on, Lexi.
00:01:47So, girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:52Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:56But this is the big one-eight.
00:01:59I mean, every year since our mom's met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:02:03But this has to be newer and more special.
00:02:07So, what's something we've never done before?
00:02:10Mushrooms?
00:02:11No, not like that.
00:02:12Like something nice.
00:02:15Like maybe a trip.
00:02:16Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:18No.
00:02:22Sorry, Sue.
00:02:22I have a date.
00:02:23Oh, so do I.
00:02:26Sorry, Sue.
00:02:27Don't worry, Sue.
00:02:29We'll figure it out.
00:02:42Oh, flowers.
00:02:43Are these from you?
00:02:44Yeah, sure.
00:02:47Here you go.
00:02:49No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:51I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:55I guess, um, you still make me nervous.
00:03:01Oh, Jake.
00:03:06Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:03:09Uh, no, Jake, not yet.
00:03:11When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:03:14The best night of my life.
00:03:16It will be, I promise.
00:03:18It will always be amazing with you and me together.
00:03:31Jake, no, I have to go.
00:03:33I have to work on my art project.
00:03:35You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:38but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:42Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:45This Saturday?
00:03:47Of course.
00:03:52Thanks.
00:03:54Okay, bye.
00:04:07Oh, baby.
00:04:09You're so hot.
00:04:10I'm going to do you so good.
00:04:11Oh, yeah, baby.
00:04:13Yeah.
00:04:13What was your name again?
00:04:14Rod.
00:04:16Sex guy.
00:04:21Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:04:26You're right, I bet.
00:04:34Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:38Oh, no.
00:04:39Does not compute.
00:04:41Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:47Oh, huh.
00:04:48Hi.
00:04:51When did you get home?
00:04:52So, is it true?
00:04:54Yes, it is.
00:04:56It's just, it's the right time, and Jake's the right man.
00:05:00I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy,
00:05:06and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:05:08So, I just think it's the right time.
00:05:12Lexi, tell her.
00:05:13Losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:05:17On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:05:19Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday, or maybe even, like, our 28th, maybe.
00:05:29Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:36I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:46But Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:49We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:52Oh, does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:56It's not Jake.
00:05:58It's the male ideal.
00:06:00Like, a Greek god, or Sue's dad.
00:06:05Right.
00:06:07Oh, yeah, I guess you're right.
00:06:09Being it kind of sucks.
00:06:10I'm not really an artist.
00:06:12Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:06:14The point is, we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.
00:06:18And I'm just not ready yet.
00:06:21I'm waiting for a sign.
00:06:22And then I'll know it's right.
00:06:24Look, I can go either way.
00:06:26I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:06:32I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:06:35Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:06:39But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:44You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:52Where are you going?
00:06:53It's 6.30 in the morning.
00:06:55To church.
00:06:56To pray for you.
00:06:57I want to be first in line, Mom.
00:07:00I'm getting Mrs.
00:07:02Yeah, me too.
00:07:12Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:07:15It has been four days since my last confession.
00:07:17I accused myself of the following sins.
00:07:19Mm-hmm.
00:07:22Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...
00:07:26It's about sex.
00:07:28Mm-hmm.
00:07:31I mean, not me.
00:07:32I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:07:35Oh.
00:07:37I've never even seen a guy as...
00:07:39Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.
00:07:42But I was dressing him up as Jesus, and I wanted to see his thing.
00:07:47But there was nothing there.
00:07:51Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:53My best friends.
00:07:56They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:58Okay.
00:08:00Third base.
00:08:02What?
00:08:03No.
00:08:04Like, sex.
00:08:05Like, intercourse.
00:08:07With boys, they barely even know.
00:08:09I mean, they really need us intervention.
00:08:11If you know what I mean.
00:08:12All the way.
00:08:13Go all the way.
00:08:16What?
00:08:17What?
00:08:21How could you do this?
00:08:23You're a bad, bad person.
00:08:28What?
00:08:29What?
00:08:35Yes.
00:08:36Yes.
00:08:37Run.
00:08:38Run.
00:08:39Home route.
00:08:41Ah.
00:08:42Damn it.
00:08:45Fuck you Yankees.
00:08:49Sorry.
00:09:13Sue.
00:09:14It is 1 p.m.
00:09:16What do you have a little consideration?
00:09:18I'm trying to sleep.
00:09:21Jeez.
00:09:21Can you guys please keep it down?
00:09:25I have an announcement to make.
00:09:26I want to do it.
00:09:29Do you hear me?
00:09:30I want to do it.
00:09:32This weekend.
00:09:34On our birthday.
00:09:35Do what?
00:09:38It.
00:09:39Screw.
00:09:40Screwing.
00:09:41Boning.
00:09:42Making beasts with two backs.
00:09:44You know.
00:09:44Shagging.
00:09:45Fucking.
00:09:48You do.
00:09:50But what about all your religious stuff?
00:09:53And what about your sign from heaven?
00:09:56Oh, I got a sign.
00:09:57At church.
00:09:58Really?
00:10:00Well.
00:10:01Okay, great.
00:10:03We're all in then.
00:10:05So we'll have a big pool party and we'll do it there.
00:10:08Right?
00:10:10Right.
00:10:13I'll start making the shopping list.
00:10:23Hey, Frank.
00:10:26Hi, Sue.
00:10:28Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:10:31I don't know.
00:10:31Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:10:33Yeah.
00:10:33He's blind.
00:10:35Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:10:42Wait, wait, right?
00:10:44Hey, um, I was wondering, we're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:10:49It's for our birthday.
00:10:51Do you want to come?
00:10:52Do you think he can see at my shore?
00:11:07Well, the house looks done.
00:11:10Tomorrow's the big day.
00:11:12We finally turn 18.
00:11:13And finally lose our virginity.
00:11:16Well, we better get our baby sleep because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:11:19So, okay, we know who Cheryl's going to do it with, Jake, and I'll probably do that guy Rod.
00:11:26But Sue, who are you going to pick?
00:11:28It's a poppy chair.
00:11:29It's easy.
00:11:30I've known for the past six years, ever since catty kissing.
00:11:36What the fuck is catty kissing?
00:11:38I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:11:40Yeah.
00:11:50My soulmate.
00:11:53Chris?
00:11:55Sue, you, um, might want to think about picking a backup.
00:12:00I mean...
00:12:01What?
00:12:01No, Chris is perfect.
00:12:03He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:12:06Plus, his name's Chris.
00:12:08It's a sign.
00:12:09Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:12:15What?
00:12:16He does not.
00:12:17Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:12:19He looks just like Justin Bieber.
00:12:22With a little bit of Zac Efron and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:12:26Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:12:29Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:12:32Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:12:35See you in the morning.
00:12:43I knew it would happen someday.
00:12:45I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:12:50I knew it would happen.
00:13:20You're so perfect.
00:13:22I knew it would happen someday.
00:13:23Oh.
00:13:35Oh.
00:13:35Oh.
00:13:38Oh.
00:13:39Oh.
00:13:40Oh.
00:13:43Oh.
00:13:49Oh.
00:13:51Oh, oh.
00:13:52Oh, oh.
00:13:52Oh, oh.
00:13:58I knew that's what I look like.
00:14:18Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:14:35I knew that tomorrow's the day.
00:15:01Oh, my gosh.
00:15:02They're coming.
00:15:04Lexi, Cheryl, hurry.
00:15:09Ew, why?
00:15:11It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:15:13It's going to be really sexy.
00:15:15I'm going to surprise you.
00:15:16You're going to die of asphyxiation.
00:15:18It's going to be really sexy.
00:15:20It's stupid.
00:15:21Just screw him.
00:15:23That's what he wants.
00:15:23Look what all guys want.
00:15:25Who hurt you as a child?
00:15:27Oh, Christ.
00:15:28I'm going to have your mouth, too.
00:15:31Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:15:34not someone they can just have sex with.
00:15:36You're an idiot.
00:15:37A very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.
00:15:42Guys, seriously, come on, hurry up.
00:15:49Oh, what a cool...
00:15:51Bracelet.
00:15:52I love it.
00:15:55You should put that down, though,
00:15:56because it's like...
00:15:57It's very fragile.
00:15:58Yeah.
00:16:00Set it down.
00:16:01Hurry up.
00:16:05Those are your anal beads, right?
00:16:06Yeah.
00:16:07All right.
00:16:07Let's go.
00:16:35All right.
00:16:36Let's go.
00:16:37It's nice!
00:16:48Happy birthday, Lex!
00:16:51No, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:16:54That is lip poison to plump your lips,
00:16:57but be careful, it stings.
00:16:59And the other one is edible massage oil.
00:17:02Oh, how did you know?
00:17:04I'm gonna use both of these tonight.
00:17:12I'm gonna use both of these.
00:17:15I'm gonna use both of these.
00:17:15Please don't touch my service time.
00:17:18All right, sorry.
00:17:19Are you okay now?
00:17:20Yeah, I'm fine.
00:17:21Okay.
00:17:22We'll see you later.
00:17:26I can't believe you haven't heard of it.
00:17:28This is crazy.
00:17:29Jake!
00:17:30Hi!
00:17:31Hey, Ben.
00:17:33Happy birthday.
00:17:36Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:17:39What?
00:17:40You want a beer?
00:17:44No.
00:17:48Oh, hon.
00:17:50Come here.
00:17:54I have your present here.
00:17:55I'll give it to you later.
00:17:57I'll give it to you later.
00:17:57The time's right.
00:17:59Oh.
00:17:59You didn't have to give me anything.
00:18:02And I have a present for you that I want you to wrap later.
00:18:09Hey, Rob.
00:18:10We need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:18:13We'll bet.
00:18:17All right.
00:18:18This is my man right here.
00:18:20Hey.
00:18:20Hey.
00:18:21How you doing?
00:18:22Hey.
00:18:32Check it out.
00:18:35Dare me.
00:18:53Oh, dude.
00:18:54Look at those.
00:18:55Are those real?
00:18:56I don't know.
00:18:57Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:18:58Hey.
00:18:59I do.
00:18:59Move.
00:19:00Come on.
00:19:00Lame.
00:19:01Oh.
00:19:02All right.
00:19:03Okay.
00:19:03I'll see you guys later.
00:19:04Go do some push-ups or something.
00:19:06Oh.
00:19:06All the moves.
00:19:06Twenty bucks says, by the end of the day, I will be motorboating those kitties.
00:19:11Yeah.
00:19:13They're fake anyways.
00:19:15Who cares?
00:19:16Okay.
00:19:19Okay.
00:19:21Oh.
00:19:21Oh, dude.
00:19:22Dude.
00:19:22I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:19:28Sue, no.
00:19:29It's your birthday.
00:19:30Here, let me.
00:19:30Joanna, no.
00:19:31Just go enjoy the party.
00:19:34What?
00:19:36Open.
00:19:39Hey.
00:19:40Do my lips look any plumper?
00:19:41I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:19:46Have you guys seen Jake?
00:19:47I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:19:48It just, like, disappeared.
00:20:03Are these real?
00:20:04Of course they are.
00:20:07How come I could have met you before?
00:20:10I don't know.
00:20:10Maybe he's gonna be around.
00:20:12Ryan, have you seen Jake?
00:20:13Um, I think he's around or something.
00:20:17Maybe upstairs.
00:20:18I don't know.
00:20:20Maybe he wants to go get my birthday present.
00:20:22That's probably where he went.
00:20:25Oh.
00:20:28Liquid courage?
00:20:30Yeah.
00:20:31Atta girl.
00:20:35Vodka cranberry?
00:20:37Surely simple.
00:20:40Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:20:42I gotta go meet a ride.
00:20:44Sue?
00:20:45Are you okay?
00:20:46Sue?
00:20:47Relax.
00:20:50They're just guys.
00:20:52Okay.
00:20:52Nothing to be scared of.
00:20:53Seriously.
00:20:54You're gonna be fine.
00:20:55Is Chris here?
00:21:02Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:21:05No.
00:21:05He does not have gay face.
00:21:08I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:21:09I'm gonna do it.
00:21:15I'm gonna do it.
00:21:16Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:21:19No.
00:21:20He does not have gay face.
00:21:22I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:21:24I'm gonna do it.
00:21:25I'm gonna do this.
00:21:27Good luck.
00:21:28Good luck.
00:21:30Okay, you can do this.
00:21:33Just act like a slut.
00:21:37Just pretend.
00:21:40Relax.
00:21:48Yeah, my favorite chapter song in Gmore.
00:21:51Chris.
00:21:53Hi.
00:21:54Can I talk to you?
00:21:56Huh?
00:21:58In private?
00:21:59No.
00:22:14Hey, Lexi.
00:22:15Hey, Lexi.
00:22:16What?
00:22:18Chris.
00:22:19You're so sexy.
00:22:23Ever since you played Jesus at camp, I've just...
00:22:26I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:22:30I really want to...
00:22:33Oh!
00:22:33What are you doing?
00:22:35Is that wrong?
00:22:36Sue!
00:22:37What's gotten into you?
00:22:38Nothing.
00:22:39I'm sorry.
00:22:40I don't know how to do this.
00:22:42Sue.
00:22:44Sue.
00:22:45Sue.
00:22:48I understand these urges.
00:22:52And, you know, I like you too.
00:22:56Really?
00:22:57You do?
00:22:58I do.
00:22:59I really do.
00:23:01I like you too.
00:23:03Really?
00:23:04You do?
00:23:05I do.
00:23:05I really do.
00:23:07It's just...
00:23:10I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man.
00:23:15Right.
00:23:16Lexi said you were...
00:23:17Jesus.
00:23:18Oh.
00:23:20Batman.
00:23:20Of course.
00:23:22Of course.
00:23:22What did you think?
00:23:23Oh, nothing.
00:23:25So we can still do this then?
00:23:28Oh, Sue.
00:23:31You know, for me, when I think about that man who died for our sins, when I think about him
00:23:41up there on that cross, so helpless, yet so... muscular.
00:23:48With his strong thighs crossed over each other so delicately beneath that ragged loincloth, growing so hot, so sweaty under
00:24:06that hot, hot sun. I just feel such compassion.
00:24:13I think about those things too.
00:24:15So you understand why I can't do this?
00:24:19Not really.
00:24:21I just find it too hard.
00:24:23It is to give in to carnal pleasure when he sacrificed so much for us.
00:24:31I just...
00:24:35So...
00:24:43I'm gonna go out there, right?
00:24:45Andy, we're gonna tell you three months.
00:24:47Hey, Ty.
00:24:48Whoa!
00:24:50Have you seen Jake?
00:24:52Uh, no.
00:24:53No.
00:24:54Alright.
00:24:58Okay.
00:24:58Alright, focus, focus, focus.
00:25:07Oh, there he is.
00:25:11Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:25:28How could he?
00:25:33Sue?
00:25:34What happened?
00:25:35Did you guys do it?
00:25:36Sue?
00:25:38He doesn't want me.
00:25:40Because he's gay.
00:25:42No, he's not.
00:25:43He just really loves Jesus.
00:25:45Oh, come on, Sue.
00:25:47The only reason we even liked him is because you knew he was never a real possibility for you.
00:25:53Look, the only way you are gonna find out what kind of man you really want is to know what
00:25:58kind of woman you really are.
00:26:01Deep inside.
00:26:03What?
00:26:04Come with me.
00:26:06Where?
00:26:06To meet your dark side.
00:26:15Out!
00:26:17Everyone out!
00:26:27Sue, it's time for you and your vagina to meet face to face.
00:26:44I really can't.
00:26:46I really don't think I can do this.
00:26:49I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:26:55I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:27:00Sue?
00:27:02Can you see it?
00:27:04Sue.
00:27:09I'm almost...
00:27:11I'm almost there.
00:27:17What?
00:27:20What?
00:27:20Sue, what happened?
00:27:22What did you see?
00:27:23A raccoon?
00:27:25What?
00:27:27You overshot it.
00:27:28Aim the mirror further up.
00:27:37I can't.
00:27:38Please don't make me do that again.
00:27:40Okay.
00:27:40Fine.
00:27:41Fine.
00:27:42I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice.
00:27:46What?
00:27:47You really need an orgasm.
00:27:50Honestly, I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else when you've never even had it
00:27:55with yourself.
00:27:56This really has to be your first step.
00:27:58What?
00:27:59I'm waiting.
00:28:00I'm waiting.
00:28:01Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:28:04Just find it and use it.
00:28:06Wait.
00:28:07What does the black vibrator look like?
00:28:09It's black.
00:28:10It vibrates.
00:28:11Yes.
00:28:13Come on, Rod.
00:28:15Let's go to Sue's room.
00:28:18And don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.
00:28:32Hey, cutie!
00:28:34Cutie!
00:28:38Oh!
00:28:40Oh!
00:28:40Boozai!
00:28:41Oh, yeah!
00:28:46Bang. Bang. Bang.
00:28:51Good boy. Straighten up.
00:28:53Good boy. Good boy.
00:28:56He knows over a hundred commands.
00:29:00I'm sorry. I can't see anything.
00:29:02That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:29:05What a bitch.
00:29:06Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:29:28Oh, my God!
00:29:39Oh, shit.
00:29:45What's wrong with this thing?
00:29:49Nice shot.
00:29:52Direct hit.
00:30:06Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:30:09Lexi, it's Jake.
00:30:11He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl.
00:30:15For sure?
00:30:17I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him,
00:30:20so maybe it's my fault.
00:30:21That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag. How dare he?
00:30:25No, it's awful.
00:30:27I mean, I thought I was gonna marry him.
00:30:35It's a text. It's from him. I can't bear myself to read it.
00:30:39Okay.
00:30:41He's looking for you. He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:30:45Oh, I can't face him.
00:30:46Um, I have to go. I'm going.
00:30:49No, you can't just leave.
00:30:51Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:30:54I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:30:57He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:31:00Either way, it's bullshit.
00:31:02I see only one option.
00:31:05I'm leaving.
00:31:06Revenge sex.
00:31:08Re... I mean, what? What does that even mean?
00:31:10It means you find a guy.
00:31:11You screw his brains out and you let Jake catch you.
00:31:17Revenge sex.
00:31:19Re... I mean, what? What does that even mean?
00:31:21It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out, and you let Jake catch you.
00:31:27But he... I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:31:29He doesn't even care about me. I mean, why would...
00:31:31He's just in other girls.
00:31:33Trust me, he'll care.
00:31:35Seriously, this is the worst thing you can do to him.
00:31:38To his ego.
00:31:40To screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him.
00:31:44Especially if it's with someone smarter, better looking, and with a bigger dick.
00:31:50No, I... I couldn't.
00:31:52Plus, I mean, there's... there's no one smarter and better looking.
00:31:57Eric! He's perfect!
00:31:58Eric Hall? Are you kidding?
00:32:01I mean, he wouldn't even be into me. He likes your type.
00:32:05Really? And what type is that?
00:32:07Slutty.
00:32:09Yeah.
00:32:10Trust me, he's amazing.
00:32:12I fooled around with him once. He has this great tongue ring.
00:32:15Oh, no. I could never fool around with somebody you fooled around with.
00:32:19Okay, then. Fine. We will find someone else. Someone that I haven't... fooled around with.
00:32:30Okay, what does it matter that I fooled around with him? I mean, it's like you're not gonna marry the
00:32:34guy.
00:32:35No, I just couldn't do it.
00:32:37Fine. If you want to live the rest of your life knowing that you had one chance to do the
00:32:42right thing, to make your boyfriend feel like a total worthless piece of garbage and possibly even scar him with
00:32:47the rest of his existence, and you chose not to do it, go ahead.
00:32:51Okay. But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:32:56I don't know.
00:33:00But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:33:04I don't know.
00:33:06Trust me. It's going to work.
00:33:14I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:33:18Hi, Cheryl.
00:33:19Are you okay enough to chat with your parents?
00:33:22Oh, no!
00:33:34Hey.
00:33:36Happy birthday.
00:33:40Thanks.
00:34:03Have you guys seen Jake?
00:34:10So...
00:34:12Happy birthday.
00:34:16Do you know that most people think that the happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:34:20But it's actually from us.
00:34:22U.S.
00:34:24America?
00:34:26United States?
00:34:28I know where we live.
00:34:30Right.
00:34:31Of course.
00:34:35I know where we live.
00:34:37Right.
00:34:38Of course.
00:34:44Hey, Jesus, Eric.
00:34:45Are you going to make your move or not?
00:34:47Oh, you want me to move?
00:34:48Yeah, no. I can totally move. I just...
00:34:50No.
00:34:51You're fine.
00:35:04Jake!
00:35:08So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:35:10Oh.
00:35:11You...
00:35:12I'm sorry.
00:35:12It?
00:35:13What, um...
00:35:15It.
00:35:16Like...
00:35:17Monkey boning and, like, pigs in a blanket.
00:35:20Get real nasty.
00:35:22Oh!
00:35:23Oh!
00:35:24You mean, like...
00:35:26Uh...
00:35:27Right now?
00:35:28I mean, well...
00:35:30Yeah.
00:35:31You know, the sooner the better.
00:35:34Yeah.
00:35:34Sure.
00:35:35I mean, well...
00:35:35Yeah.
00:35:35Of course.
00:35:36Um...
00:35:37I just never realized that you...
00:35:39I mean...
00:35:42Whew.
00:35:43Uh...
00:35:45It's just...
00:35:48You're so...
00:35:51You're so beautiful.
00:35:52Okay. Um...
00:35:53Hmm?
00:35:54Uh, no kissing.
00:35:57Right. Um...
00:35:58Of course.
00:36:00Sorry.
00:36:04So, um...
00:36:06Do you wanna unwrap me?
00:36:09Oh, wow.
00:36:10Uh...
00:36:10You're wrapped up like a Hot Pocket.
00:36:12Or...
00:36:12Leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:36:15Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:36:17Uh...
00:36:18You're fresh.
00:36:21Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:36:23Yeah.
00:36:24Uh...
00:36:25You're fresh.
00:36:26Organic.
00:36:28Yep.
00:36:31So, the wrap.
00:36:32Right.
00:36:35Um...
00:36:36Where's the, uh...
00:36:37It's, uh...
00:36:38The end is...
00:36:39It's just, like, right over here.
00:36:40Oh, oh, yeah. Here it is.
00:36:41Yeah.
00:36:41I see it.
00:36:42Um...
00:36:42Let me just, uh...
00:36:46Ow, ow, ow.
00:36:46Oh, sorry.
00:36:47Sorry, sorry.
00:36:48It's...
00:36:49It's okay.
00:36:50Here.
00:36:51Do it again.
00:36:53Sorry, I, uh...
00:36:55I, uh...
00:36:55I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:36:57You know what?
00:36:57Let me just...
00:36:58Lay on the bed.
00:37:01Okay.
00:37:07Uh...
00:37:07Let me just...
00:37:09See.
00:37:10Oh, here it is.
00:37:11I got it.
00:37:12All right.
00:37:13Just, um...
00:37:13Pull it.
00:37:14Let me just...
00:37:16Ah!
00:37:17Oh!
00:37:19Uh...
00:37:19Oh, jeez.
00:37:20Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:37:21You okay?
00:37:23Help!
00:37:26Uh...
00:37:27Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:37:29Oh, jeez.
00:37:32Oh, jeez.
00:37:37Well, that was stupid.
00:37:42Yeah.
00:37:42Ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:37:48How are you doing tonight?
00:37:49I'm good.
00:37:50You having a good time?
00:37:51Yeah?
00:37:52You good?
00:37:52Jake!
00:37:53I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:37:56What?
00:37:57I can't hear you.
00:38:00I didn't have a beer.
00:38:02Chips are so damn salty.
00:38:03Jake!
00:38:04Sorry, we're...
00:38:05Up...stairs.
00:38:06Yeah.
00:38:07Hold on.
00:38:08I'll take the piss.
00:38:10How much beer?
00:38:25Oh, ha, ha...
00:38:28Oh, ha, ha.
00:38:28Oh, ha, ha.
00:38:43Finally, I, uh, I'm going to just get the blinds.
00:38:47Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, um, don't, don't worry about it.
00:38:51What?
00:38:52I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:38:57Oh.
00:38:59Well, okay.
00:39:00Okay.
00:39:09Okay.
00:39:09Okay.
00:39:16Okay.
00:39:17I, uh, I'm going to just get the blinds.
00:39:20Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:39:22Um, don't, don't worry about it.
00:39:25What?
00:39:26I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:39:31Uh-oh.
00:39:33Well, okay.
00:39:34Okay.
00:39:34Okay.
00:39:35Um.
00:40:24What are you doing?
00:40:25Uh.
00:40:27I think it's time.
00:40:30You know.
00:40:32Do it.
00:40:34Um, not yet.
00:40:36More foreplay.
00:40:36Huh?
00:40:37Oh.
00:40:38Uh-oh.
00:40:40Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
00:40:44Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh!
00:40:44Uh, uh, uh-uh.
00:40:45It's so good.
00:40:47Oh.
00:40:49Yup.
00:40:50Oh.
00:40:51Oh, my God.
00:40:52Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:40:54What, what, what?
00:40:56Ah, ah, oh.
00:40:58Ah, yeah.
00:40:59Lock jaw, lock jaw.
00:41:01Is that even a thing?
00:41:03I don't know.
00:41:06Ah.
00:41:07Are you okay?
00:41:11No, no, no, no, it's, uh, it's fine.
00:41:14I'm just, uh, embarrassed.
00:41:16I, it's probably TMJ or fracture, swollen.
00:41:24You sure you're okay?
00:41:26Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
00:41:28Okay, great. Have fun.
00:41:29Oh.
00:41:36Now, now, let's do it now.
00:41:38No, not yet, not yet.
00:41:42All right, I'm gonna come.
00:41:43I'm gonna come.
00:41:44No, not yet, not yet.
00:41:44No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:41:47No, no, no, not yet.
00:41:49Lexi!
00:41:49Lexi!
00:41:50Oh!
00:41:51Shh!
00:41:51No, no, no, not yet.
00:41:57Lexi!
00:41:57Lexi!
00:41:58Oh!
00:42:01No means no.
00:42:02Huh? Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:42:04I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:42:05It's been a really long time, and I just, I haven't masturbated for anything.
00:42:09I'm just going to hang out.
00:42:13I'm just going to hang out.
00:42:13Oh, hey, Jake.
00:42:19How are you doing?
00:42:22How's it going?
00:42:23Good.
00:42:24Eric?
00:42:26Eric, help me.
00:42:27I'm glad I can't see anything.
00:42:30Excuse me.
00:42:35Cheryl's in here.
00:42:41What's up, brother?
00:42:42What the fuck is...
00:42:46Hey, wait!
00:42:48Lex.
00:42:49Hey, I'm still waiting.
00:42:57Oh, I'm sorry.
00:42:58I can't see.
00:42:59I'm blind.
00:43:02Damn it.
00:43:03I'm going to say something to that bitch.
00:43:06Hey, you.
00:43:09You better stop making fun of the blind,
00:43:11or I'm going to teach you a lesson.
00:43:13Help!
00:43:15I'm so sorry.
00:43:17I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:43:20Ah!
00:43:23What the do is go around.
00:43:45Oh, man.
00:43:46No more water balloons.
00:43:48This party's ass.
00:43:52Yeah!
00:43:57This just isn't working.
00:44:00Nothing.
00:44:01What's the big deal about these vibrators, anyway?
00:44:15Oh, man.
00:44:17Oh, man.
00:44:17I love this game.
00:44:18Oh, man.
00:44:18I love the controllers.
00:44:19We gotta play.
00:44:20Here.
00:44:20Here.
00:44:20Okay.
00:44:21Let me find another one.
00:44:22All right.
00:44:22Watch out.
00:44:27Oh, man.
00:44:29Oh, man.
00:44:31Oh, man.
00:44:33Get that thing away.
00:44:34Jesus.
00:44:36Oh, man.
00:44:36Oh, man.
00:44:39Oh.
00:44:42Hey, dude.
00:44:44Nice shot.
00:44:44Wow.
00:44:46Wasn't me.
00:44:51Whoa.
00:44:52Whoa.
00:44:53Nice.
00:44:55Are you sitting there or something?
00:44:59Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:45:00Nice.
00:45:01Thanks.
00:45:14Do you have the extra controller?
00:45:27Whoa!
00:45:30You are the controller.
00:45:32No, I just...
00:45:34I didn't, I swear, I...
00:45:47All right, all right.
00:45:49Hey, hey, Sue.
00:45:50Where are you going, man?
00:45:54It's okay, um... Hey, Sue.
00:46:05Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:46:10Yeah, I just needed to...
00:46:12Um...
00:46:13Oh, sure.
00:46:16Listen, Sue, I...
00:46:18I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:46:21You were?
00:46:23You mean...
00:46:25Y-yeah.
00:46:29So you think we should give it a try?
00:46:33Can we go get a drink?
00:46:38Wow, um, your toilet's really clogged.
00:46:42You...
00:46:43You know what?
00:46:44I-I gotta go.
00:46:45Um, happy birthday.
00:46:46Uh, no, Chris.
00:46:47No, there wasn't...
00:46:48I didn't...
00:46:49Oh, God, never mind.
00:47:04This is the worst idea ever.
00:47:07Never going to have sex.
00:47:09Ow.
00:47:31Hello?
00:47:32A little attention here.
00:47:34Oh, yeah.
00:47:35Sorry.
00:47:41Lex.
00:47:42Don't be selfish.
00:47:44All right.
00:47:45Sorry.
00:47:58Oh, jeez.
00:48:01Who invented this stupid position anyway?
00:48:05Too much fucking multitasking.
00:48:06Screw it.
00:48:17Aaaw.
00:48:19Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:48:24Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:48:28Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:48:31Ha-ha-ha-ha.
00:48:52Oh, no, that was bad, that was so bad.
00:49:12Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?
00:49:17I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:49:23Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:49:27Yes, it does.
00:49:29So, you're JJ?
00:49:30Uh-uh.
00:49:56Hello.
00:49:56Welcome to 1-900 Confess.
00:49:59Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:50:02A nun.
00:50:03Please punch in your credit card number.
00:50:10Please hold.
00:50:12Oh, my goodness.
00:50:161-900 Confession, how may I be of service?
00:50:19It's been one day since my last confession.
00:50:22I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:50:25One day?
00:50:28Ow!
00:50:34Is that too long?
00:50:35I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:50:38Go on.
00:50:39Um, okay, well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:50:44Well, actually, I didn't know a washing machine did.
00:50:46What's your problem?
00:50:48A washing machine touched her.
00:50:52Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:50:56All right, freak.
00:50:57Time's up.
00:50:58What?
00:50:58But what do I do?
00:50:59Just unplug the thing.
00:51:01No, but...
00:51:02But I think I might have had an...
00:51:05Orgasm.
00:51:05Well, then be happy.
00:51:08You found the perfect man.
00:51:09I'm serious.
00:51:10Look, honey.
00:51:11You seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:51:15I'll tell you this.
00:51:17Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:51:20No contritions?
00:51:22You broke no covenant with God.
00:51:24It's not in the Bible.
00:51:26So the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:51:30Like morning, afternoon, night?
00:51:33Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:51:36Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:51:39Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:51:42Huh.
00:51:44God's pretty cool that way.
00:51:46He sure is.
00:51:47Now run along.
00:51:51Wow.
00:51:53How do you know all that?
00:51:55Because I'm a nun.
00:51:57Now eat my pussy, bitch.
00:52:00Huh.
00:52:01Accidental masturbation.
00:52:02Who'd it think?
00:52:13Revenge sex with a stupid fucking idiot.
00:52:17God, I'm getting out of here.
00:52:21Yeah, I admit it.
00:52:22I've got no game.
00:52:24I guess I can scare everybody.
00:52:26I guess I'm a beautiful man.
00:52:31Fucking douchebag.
00:52:34Damn it.
00:52:35Now I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:52:38You go, girl.
00:52:41What?
00:52:43What are you doing here?
00:52:45We needed some place private.
00:52:47But hey, listen.
00:52:49If you're serious about getting laid.
00:52:51Yeah?
00:52:52If you want someone great.
00:52:53I mean, really.
00:52:55The best ever.
00:52:58No offense.
00:52:59Frank, the blind guy?
00:53:02Really?
00:53:03I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:53:07I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:53:09It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:53:13It was like we used all our senses.
00:53:16Everything.
00:53:19If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:53:23All right.
00:53:30What about him?
00:53:32Jeremy.
00:53:33Yeah, I know Jeremy.
00:53:35Hey, I think I fooled around with him once.
00:53:38I didn't know his last name though.
00:53:41It's Jones.
00:53:43Jeremy Jones.
00:53:44This all makes sense.
00:53:46Excuse me.
00:53:48Jeremy.
00:53:50Hi.
00:53:50Hey.
00:53:52Who's on the phone?
00:53:53Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:53:56You'll meet her.
00:53:57Could be here in like an hour.
00:53:58Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:54:14Oh.
00:54:16Hey, Frank.
00:54:17Sit.
00:54:22Oh, you meant...
00:54:24You meant the dog.
00:54:27Relax.
00:54:30You need to relax and calm down.
00:54:42Oh, I'm... I'm relaxed. I'm fine.
00:54:45Why are you biting your nail?
00:54:46No.
00:54:47I'm not.
00:54:51How did you know that?
00:54:55Corner.
00:54:59Sit.
00:55:02Roll over.
00:55:06Oh, you mean me.
00:55:10Roll over.
00:55:14Oh, you mean me.
00:55:16Oh, how do you...
00:55:18How do you want me to...
00:55:20Just lay down.
00:55:21Oh, you mean me.
00:55:33Oh, how do you...
00:55:34How do you want me to...
00:55:36Just lay down.
00:55:36I'm considering it a teachable moment.
00:55:39Okay.
00:55:43Oh.
00:55:46See me with your hands.
00:55:52All right.
00:55:55Uh...
00:56:01You know, I should really...
00:56:02I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:56:05Really.
00:56:08Oh.
00:56:19Mmm, peanut butter.
00:56:27There.
00:56:36Frank.
00:56:38Frank.
00:56:38Oh.
00:56:42Oh, Frank.
00:56:51That's right.
00:56:54This is going to be...
00:56:57This is your...
00:57:07A new way.
00:57:08It's going to be good.
00:57:08This is going to be a character.
00:57:09It's going to be some...
00:57:10You know, I'll be fine.
00:57:11Give me a chip.
00:57:13My chips, old boy.
00:57:14Oh, give me a chip, man.
00:57:16My chips.
00:57:17Oh.
00:57:17My chips.
00:57:18Give me a chip.
00:57:21My chips?
00:57:23Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:57:26Sorry.
00:57:35It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:57:38That's all.
00:57:43No, let me do this.
00:57:44Go away.
00:57:45I got it.
00:57:46I got it.
00:57:46No, really, please.
00:57:47I want to help.
00:57:48I want to help.
00:57:51Okay, everybody out.
00:57:54Leave.
00:57:55I have to back.
00:58:10You're not even getting the chips.
00:58:12They're over here.
00:58:14I see some dust over here, so...
00:58:19Oh, it's just so much dust on this floor.
00:58:24This is a dirty floor.
00:58:26Such a dirty, dirty floor.
00:58:54I think I got all that.
00:58:56I think I got all that.
00:59:09Frankie.
00:59:10Frankie.
00:59:11Oh, my...
00:59:12Oh.
00:59:12What was that?
00:59:13What?
00:59:15Oh, fucking shit.
00:59:17Oh, man, we got a...
00:59:17Oh, look at the smoking heat.
00:59:21Stop.
00:59:22Frank.
00:59:23Stop teasing Frank.
00:59:25Oh, shit.
00:59:27Sorry, man.
00:59:28We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
00:59:30Oh, I heard something.
00:59:31You want to join us?
00:59:32Uh, no, I might...
00:59:34Come on!
00:59:35You gotta do it!
00:59:36Come on!
00:59:36Seriously, guys.
00:59:37I need to...
00:59:38What's your dog, man?
00:59:39Dude, what's it like being blinded?
00:59:40It's creepy.
00:59:45Frank?
00:59:47Frank, are we gonna do something soon?
00:59:52Bro, you are...
00:59:54Too funny.
00:59:56Thanks, man.
00:59:58Oh, this is some good stuff.
01:00:00I haven't smoked since junior high.
01:00:01Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high.
01:00:05Wait, wait, wait.
01:00:06I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
01:00:11Damn, I really can't remember.
01:00:12This is some good shit.
01:00:33Oh, no.
01:00:35You're the devil.
01:00:37No more.
01:00:41JJ, I'm...
01:00:42Jeremy, you have to remember that amazing time we had together, don't you?
01:00:48Please.
01:00:49Lex, I can't.
01:00:52I mean, I got a girlfriend.
01:00:54I really like this girl.
01:00:55Fine.
01:00:57It's just so sad
01:00:58because I'm wearing this
01:01:01coupless bra
01:01:02and I also have on crotchless panties
01:01:05with just a little string of pearl in front
01:01:09for extra stimulation.
01:01:12Oh.
01:01:17We've got, like, 30 minutes before she gets here.
01:01:19Perfect.
01:01:24Before she gets here.
01:01:26Perfect.
01:01:32Oh, yeah.
01:01:38Do it.
01:01:39Let's do it.
01:01:40Fuck me.
01:01:41Fuck me now.
01:01:47What?
01:01:48What's wrong?
01:01:49I can't...
01:01:50I can't get it in.
01:01:52Just try down there.
01:01:54It's like desert down there.
01:01:55It's sandpaper.
01:01:57Just...
01:01:58Okay, I get the picture.
01:02:00Just try it again.
01:02:03No.
01:02:04Why is this happening?
01:02:07We've fooled around before.
01:02:08I...
01:02:09I was dripping wet.
01:02:10I came, like, four times, remember?
01:02:12Just do what you did then.
01:02:13Go on.
01:02:14I already did my thing.
01:02:15I already tried.
01:02:18What?
01:02:19What?
01:02:19What is different this time?
01:02:21I don't know.
01:02:24Last time...
01:02:27I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.
01:02:30What?
01:02:32You're not JJ?
01:02:34But your name is Jeremy Jones.
01:02:37How can you not be JJ?
01:02:39Who the hell is this JJ?
01:02:42Where are you going?
01:02:44We're not done here.
01:02:45I can still do this.
01:02:46I just need a little bit of work.
01:02:47I can do this.
01:02:48I don't need JJ.
01:02:50I don't need anyone else.
01:02:52We can do this.
01:02:55Go team.
01:02:59What?
01:03:00Just keep going.
01:03:05Jeremy?
01:03:07I'm going to...
01:03:07Shit.
01:03:19Where's Jeremy?
01:03:22We were just, you know, from here.
01:03:25Hey, babe.
01:03:26Just working out.
01:03:32How could you, you bastard?
01:03:37You might want to...
01:03:39What?
01:03:41What?
01:03:46Mariela!
01:03:48Mariela!
01:03:49You know, those aren't mine.
01:03:51At least not all of them.
01:03:54What is wrong with you?
01:04:00What is wrong with you?
01:04:03You used to be so pure.
01:04:05Well, no more.
01:04:07That's it.
01:04:08Really, that's the last one.
01:04:13Okay.
01:04:22Oh, my God.
01:04:42Cheryl.
01:04:47What is it?
01:04:49What are you doing down here?
01:04:51I'm waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.
01:04:56What?
01:04:57Why?
01:04:58Nothing.
01:04:59Just this blind guy and his dog and...
01:05:02Oh, honey.
01:05:04It's going to be okay.
01:05:06No, it's not okay.
01:05:09God.
01:05:10And you know whose fault it is?
01:05:12I'm sorry.
01:05:13It's Jake's.
01:05:14Jake's fault.
01:05:15That blind, cheating bastard.
01:05:18Yes.
01:05:19He is such a dickwad.
01:05:20You need to confront him.
01:05:22Yeah.
01:05:23Yeah, I need to confront him.
01:05:25I mean, it's my birthday, and where is he anyway?
01:05:29Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
01:05:30You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.
01:05:34Yeah, big piece.
01:05:35A big old chunk of my mind.
01:05:38A big piece of it.
01:05:39Yeah.
01:05:40You know, you might want to...
01:05:43You need to look hot while you break up with him.
01:05:46Yeah, you're right.
01:05:47Why am I wearing a sheet?
01:05:49I know.
01:05:56I'm sorry.
01:05:58I'm so...
01:06:00I get shy around beautiful women like you.
01:06:04I got no game.
01:06:13It's not important.
01:06:28Hey, um...
01:06:29Eric, I can't talk right now.
01:06:30No, no, no.
01:06:31I really need to talk to you.
01:06:33Really, Eric, I can't right now.
01:06:35No, no, no, no.
01:06:36I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier,
01:06:39and I'm just embarrassed,
01:06:41and I want to make it up to you.
01:06:43Eric, really?
01:06:44I don't care.
01:06:45It's fine.
01:06:46No, but I do.
01:06:47I mean, I do.
01:06:48I care.
01:06:51I haven't known how to tell you.
01:06:53Maybe because, uh, I don't know, I'm a little shy.
01:06:57But I was wondering, or hoping,
01:07:01that we could go out sometime.
01:07:03Soon.
01:07:04Because I'm going to be leaving for a little while,
01:07:06and it would be nice to go out.
01:07:08Really?
01:07:09Eric, you're shy.
01:07:11You have no game.
01:07:13No, not really.
01:07:17Yeah, no, I can't do this.
01:07:18Sorry.
01:07:23Okay.
01:07:23All right.
01:07:25I, uh...
01:07:28Happy birthday, then.
01:07:41I'm sorry.
01:07:42I was trying to kiss you.
01:08:05Here I come, baby.
01:08:08Get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:08:14Oh, Eric, stop.
01:08:15Um, we can't do this.
01:08:17Oh, God, not again.
01:08:18Oh, no, um...
01:08:19Honey, happy...
01:08:23What the fuck is this?
01:08:24Who the hell are you, dude?
01:08:26Okay, guys, don't.
01:08:31Cheryl, baby, what is this?
01:08:36Oh, gee, Cheryl.
01:08:39You're...
01:08:39I've been looking for you all night,
01:08:41and you've been...
01:08:42Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:08:45You couldn't find me?
01:08:47What about all those girls' vaginas you were in,
01:08:50or your penis getting sucked?
01:08:52Cheryl, honey.
01:08:54No, how?
01:08:56Baby, I love you.
01:08:58Jake, no, you have to go.
01:08:59Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please.
01:09:01I promise.
01:09:02No, Jake, I can't do this.
01:09:04I'm sorry.
01:09:05Cheryl, come on.
01:09:06No, Jake, please.
01:09:07Please, please, come on.
01:09:08Just go, just go.
01:09:09I'm sorry.
01:09:10You're a harmless bitch!
01:09:12How did you do...
01:09:14Yay!
01:09:15You did it.
01:09:16I'm so proud of you.
01:09:17You got your revenge sex.
01:09:19You left him a mere shell of a man.
01:09:21Oh, my God.
01:09:24It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:09:27Right.
01:09:29It all makes sense now.
01:09:32Wow, I feel really stupid.
01:09:35Eric, I'm really...
01:09:37I'm really sorry.
01:09:39Cheryl, I really liked you.
01:09:42And you used me.
01:09:44Eric, please don't go.
01:09:46Please, Eric!
01:09:47Eric, aren't you happy?
01:09:52Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.
01:09:55You mean the sex?
01:09:57Was it...
01:09:58Yeah?
01:09:58No, we didn't quite do it.
01:10:01Oh.
01:10:01You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:10:04Really?
01:10:04I just never found the right guy.
01:10:06Or guys.
01:10:09Anyway, we better get downstairs.
01:10:11People are starting to leave.
01:10:12I wonder how Sue did.
01:10:25I can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:10:28This is bullshit.
01:10:31Oh!
01:10:32Oh!
01:10:33Dude, suck it!
01:10:36God, I'm out of here.
01:10:38Yeah!
01:10:39He has good hair, though.
01:10:41Yeah.
01:10:42Yeah.
01:10:45Don't be confused on me.
01:10:47Don't keep it in my car, either.
01:11:03Oh, Sue, are you all right?
01:11:06Was it from sex?
01:11:08Did you pop your cork?
01:11:09I don't think so.
01:11:10I'm out with the guy, anyway.
01:11:12Oh, don't ask.
01:11:14Every possible object.
01:11:16It's like every mechanical thing.
01:11:18It was like...
01:11:20Transformers.
01:11:21They just all became vibrators.
01:11:23I told you.
01:11:25It's indicting.
01:11:28So what about Chris?
01:11:30Well, last time I saw him, he was running away for dear life.
01:11:32I told you he was gay.
01:11:34Oh.
01:11:34Well, I think I'm just...
01:11:36Oh.
01:11:37Cramp.
01:11:39Oh.
01:11:40Oh.
01:11:41I think it's broken.
01:11:42So wait.
01:11:44None of us cashed an RV card.
01:11:48Heh.
01:11:51Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:11:54So let's go grab some food.
01:11:56Wanna go?
01:11:57No.
01:11:59I think I should finish up here.
01:12:02Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:12:04No.
01:12:06I don't know.
01:12:07For some reason, I just realized...
01:12:09He needs to be my first.
01:12:12Or something.
01:12:13Why?
01:12:14Do you know him?
01:12:15Sort of.
01:12:16Oh.
01:12:17Well, hey, if you happen to run into him, just tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:12:29Love him.
01:12:29Shut it.
01:12:30You want to do it?
01:12:30I don't want to hear it from you.
01:12:31You want to get married?
01:12:32You want to do it?
01:12:33Diff it.
01:12:33Ever.
01:12:34Ever.
01:12:34Ever.
01:13:01I'm sorry.
01:13:04No. No way.
01:13:23Oh well. There's always next year.
01:13:48It's you. I've been waiting for you, JJ.
01:13:57Joanna.
01:14:04You just heard that.
01:14:08Yeah, that's it.
01:14:11Yeah.
01:14:29You just heard that.
01:14:32I've been waiting for you, JJ.
01:14:32You're doing it.
01:14:32You're doing it.
01:14:33Why are you doing it?
01:14:33Yeah.
01:14:34You're going to go.
01:14:34I'm going to play.
01:15:04Wow. That's amazing.
01:15:08Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:15:12I guess something inspired me.
01:15:15You really captured his expression and his eyes.
01:15:19Yeah, even that little callic he has in his hair.
01:15:25Who's?
01:15:26Eric's. That's him, right?
01:15:31Oh.
01:15:33Yeah.
01:15:35I have to go see him.
01:15:42Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:15:551-900-confess.
01:15:59Sister Terese?
01:16:01Yeah, hon. There was a problem with your credit card. I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:16:06Oh, sure.
01:16:10It's 271.
01:16:11Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession, but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:16:17Do you think if you do something bad that God will forgive you?
01:16:21I take you back?
01:16:24Sure, hon. Why not? As long as you're on the right path.
01:16:30Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:16:32Sister, I always look for some kind of sign from the universe. Something to let me know that it's all
01:16:39gonna be okay.
01:16:42Sister, can I get up now? I really gotta pee.
01:16:46No! Hush your trap!
01:16:50Okay, honey. I really need to get back to work, but call back anytime.
01:16:55I will.
01:16:57Thanks.
01:17:01Sister?
01:17:02Shut up, or I'll punish you hard, you sheep fucker!
01:17:22Eric, wait.
01:17:27Cheryl?
01:17:31Eric, um...
01:17:32Look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:17:35I was trying to have revenge sex with you.
01:17:38At the beginning, but then at the end, I wasn't.
01:17:42I just didn't want to do that with you.
01:17:45The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:17:49Um...
01:17:50I...
01:17:51I do want to go out with you.
01:17:54And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:17:58I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is, and he's all over these...
01:18:02Eric!
01:18:02I don't care.
01:18:04Come on, I gotta get going.
01:18:06Oh.
01:18:08Wow.
01:18:09Um, Cheryl, this is my sister Tina.
01:18:12Tina, Cheryl.
01:18:14Hi!
01:18:15Nice to meet you.
01:18:20Uh...
01:18:21So, um...
01:18:22Do you mind if I call you in a few days?
01:18:25When I get back?
01:18:26Yeah, sure.
01:18:33Oh.
01:18:35Sorry.
01:18:36No kissing, right?
01:18:37No, kissing.
01:18:38Oh.
01:18:39Mm.
01:18:56Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:19:02I don't even care that you hooked up a plexi.
01:19:05Wait, what? I never did that.
01:19:08I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:19:10She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:19:18She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:19:21I wonder who it was.
01:19:43At least this birthday's over.
01:19:58Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:20:02I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like, send me a sign.
01:20:27Let's go.
01:20:40Excuse me, excuse me.
01:20:42Do you know where the church is?
01:20:44It's on Bouncing Street.
01:20:46Um, yeah, that's the church I go to.
01:20:49Or used to go to.
01:20:50Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:20:55Um, you're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:21:00Oh, well, I don't know.
01:21:10Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:21:13Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:21:18Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:21:23I don't think so.
01:21:24But thanks.
01:21:26What's your name?
01:21:27Sue.
01:21:28What's yours?
01:21:30Jesus.
01:21:32Really?
01:21:33Si.
01:21:36Maybe I could use the ride.
01:21:38Oh, my God.
01:21:55Oh, my God.
01:21:59Well, that's perfect.
01:22:00Oh, my God.
01:22:03Oh, my God.
01:22:05Oh, my God.
01:22:07Oh, my God.
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