Return of the Mac Season 1 Episode 8: The Joe Must Go On

TUBA TV

Return of the Mac Season 1 Episode 8: The Joe Must Go On   In the first-season finale, premiere day arrives and a series of disastrous events occur, so Joe steps up and tries to save the show.   Director: Henry Chan  Writer: Tim Gibbons  Stars: Joey McIntyreAdam RayJamie Denbo

Transcript

00:02I

00:02I owe the rights to the Jeff Fisher crime novel can't wait to explore that but put a pin in

00:07it a talk show

00:08Yeah, what about being a serious actor?

00:10That's why I wear sometimes with ultra absorbent technology. I quit. No, I'm going back to the show. Yeah

00:17Hey, honey, Jill asked me and Quinn to go on location with them wait till you taste the one in

00:22Argentina Argentina

00:23This guy promised me an amazing first guest Donnie, and then he bails on me

00:27I have a friend in daytime a real powerhouse in daytime things have done a certain way you made a

00:33mess show

00:35Not sure the speedo is necessary you missed a spot

00:41So I take my daughter to this birthday party mind you she's five years old

00:45Okay, as soon as we get there they put her into hair and makeup throw a ball gown on her

00:49and send her out on a runway like she's Kate Moss

00:51This is a kid's party. Yeah, you know what we do in Boston

00:54We throw him in the backyard give him some cake and some lawn dots and hope they don't go to

00:59the EI

01:00Calling dr. McIntyre calling dr. McIntyre. We got the long dot and his kids took us

01:06Talk yes, we had a big treat for you today, especially for the ladies ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my

01:12good friend Jerry O'Connell

01:24I'm sorry. I've never been on TV before okay. We'll work it out Susie

01:29Joe I've got good news and bad news. We couldn't afford the leather jackets you wanted for the crew, so

01:33I got these

01:35Mouse pads who uses mouse pads anymore?

01:37They have plenty of uses oven mitts placemats sponges

01:41Anyway, the bad news is Jerry O'Connell is in New York. Obviously, we can't afford to fly him out

01:46So you have no guest. What's the good news? The mouse pads were the good news

01:53Those mouse pads yeah

01:58For my mom I'm Joey McIntyre, you know the little guy from new kids on the block since then I've

02:04had my ups

02:05And I've had my downs, but I know I can make it with the love of my family hard work

02:10and maybe better management

02:17Wow for a guy wears next to nothing Joe sure needs a lot of clothes

02:20Are you sure you guys are gonna be okay with me going out of town? It's three weeks. Honey, I

02:25think I can handle it

02:26Maybe it's not the best time. Argentina is so far and it's gonna be a great trip for you

02:31We'll be fine and I got fun helping me with the kids

02:39Oh, no becomes a corporate capitalists get a job you freeloaders. I just made a billion dollars

02:49Maybe they are overdue for a little dad time

02:52I can still cancel queen can handle Joe by yourself stop you are going here

03:00Ties that's lovely. That'll work with his eyes. That's gorgeous. His tone is perfect for that. Okay, you're making this

03:06bad boy staying right here though

03:07Okay, yeah, baby. You like that? I kind of like it. It's cute

03:12I love you

03:14No dancing down there, okay

03:17No, just don't dance with him

03:20Mark my words Michael you and the rest of the New York team are going to be blown away by

03:26the Joey Mac show

03:27Yeah, and listen if it all goes well, maybe I'll just find myself in the executive suites with you and

03:36the old team, huh?

03:37Yeah, best of luck at the premiere tomorrow

03:40Thank God for this show page. I mean our entire programming slate has been reduced to the joey mac show

03:47infomercials in the yuletide log

03:49That log accounts for almost a third of our viewership

03:52Here he is the face of daytime

03:57For both of you it's been a long journey getting the show to where it needs to be

04:01But we're clicking like clockwork now

04:05Susie these are for you

04:08Guess she forgot i'm allergic to capers joe we could not be more jazzed with how you've taken the reins

04:15Yeah, you've really strapped it on and ridden it off into the sunset

04:19Well, let's hope the premiere tomorrow goes off without a hitch there's another horse pun for you sam i'm going

04:24to get back to it

04:25Break a leg don't or we'll have to shoot you

04:31You don't eat cheese right now

04:35Joe i hope you're sitting down because i got big news i just got rear-ended by dak pounder

04:41What that founder producer of brass badge brass badge frisco brass badge miami and the short-lived brass badge toronto

04:49i know who he is he's a legend he ran into you yeah

04:52And i'm fine by the way thanks for asking but my car's totaled and i had to leave it in

04:56la river and walk home

04:57But it's going to be all worth it because i told dak about you and now he wants to do

05:01your detective series

05:03Get out of town jeff fisher are you serious put on your big boy pants joe because dak pounder wants

05:08to meet you this afternoon this afternoon

05:11The premiere is tomorrow i'm in the middle of rehearsals joe the pounder calls and you go that's how that

05:16works

05:17And ps you need to pick me up my uber rating sucks

05:26All right mcintyre i can have this series greenlit in two weeks but not unless i can show them you

05:32are jeff fisher

05:33So we're gonna have a little screen test here tomorrow tomorrow catch the red eye tomorrow night

05:38Having ball reduction surgery in the philippines

05:41Anyway you better start getting in that jeff fisher mindset you hunt don't you and i'm not really

05:47You can't play jeff fisher unless you've killed something that weighs more than you do

05:53How much do you weigh a buck 85

05:57You look heavier

06:00Anyway we'll kill an elk or something

06:03Budapest has amazing elk goulash you're gonna love it

06:06Uh budapest jeff fisher's from boston

06:10Well i want authentic dirty gritty 1980s boston and you only get that in budapest

06:21Oh hey dak

06:23How should i go about getting in touch with your insurance company you know for my uh car that you

06:27totaled you don't

06:34Dude that meeting went amazing yeah except for the part about shooting in budapest joe you should be excited he

06:41wants to fast track the jeff fisher series i am excited but

06:45Hello i have a contract with comfy that's what you're worried about joe you don't have a contract

06:50What are you talking about all right i had my uncle gustav look at it and apparently when they switched

06:55the show from nighttime to daytime

06:57That voided the contract

06:59Pretty sure it told you this

07:01No you didn't well i'm telling you now

07:05Nighttime daytime voided congrats buddy contract or no contract you heard pounder the screen test is tomorrow

07:12And my premiere of the talk show is tomorrow yeah that is a

07:16Grade a predicament tough choice dak pounder

07:19Comfy dak pounder but comfy but

07:24Definitely jack pounder but maybe comfy no jack pounder you got this wow thanks i

07:32Really appreciate us figuring that out together

07:37That is great news you've been trying to get that jeff fisher series off the ground forever

07:41i know it's amazing but i believe in comfy and the talk show and the lurch who cares this is

07:47real

07:47Life and in real life we got to make real choices and it's hard it's hard not that it's like

07:53we always say in new kids joe

07:55If you want to be true to your art you gotta follow your heart you'll make the right choice man

07:59whatever it is

08:00We're really proud of you keep up the good work jordan it's joe oh never mind

08:05Anyway look i gotta get back to work joe as always thanks for listening buddy bye joe

08:14You can't do this does joe we're shooting the show tomorrow i'm really sorry i can't turn this down

08:20We've been over this joseph you have a contract actually sam i don't

08:25No you heard about that huh joe contract or no contract we're family here yes and you don't walk out

08:31on family

08:32Unless you have a second family who you find out about because your half-sister contact you on facebook

08:38I feel really bad about this i really do but chances like this don't come around that often i don't

08:43have a choice

08:44You do have a choice joe you can choose to stay and do the talk show if i don't do

08:48jeff fisher now i might never get another chance

08:52I'm sorry you're gonna regret this joseph

08:57What happened in there what happened to you i ate the capers oh susie i think i'll miss you the

09:04most

09:09Joe

09:09When you see my father in hell tell him jeff fisher sent you

09:20Oh man that's right

09:23Joe

09:25Oh yeah dude outside they have the jeff fisher el camino with the jeff fisher motorcycle on the back

09:31It's crazy and i'm just trying to pace myself because it's only a screen test

09:34So just a screen test joe look at your face you have the jeff fisher mustache on your face

09:40It's all happening dude and i'm gonna instagram it this is

09:43They're saying i can be an executive producer or i can cast my co-star it's like too good to

09:47be true

09:47It's night and day from comfy comfy can suck it

09:50I still feel bad that i hung them out to dry though

09:52Don't feel bad about them they already replaced you what it's only been a day who'd they get

09:58What did i tell you about looking me in the eye i didn't i swear you're the side kicker patrick

10:05i'm the lead now you're a monster

10:07This is the real joy for tone everybody take a good look

10:12I'm not sure about this sam right it's probably just pre-show jitters i'm sure they'll work it out

10:26How hard is it to get a cup of lukewarm vodka

10:33Why is it so hard it's not the hard

10:40Okay let's hurry up i want to take a shot of tequila in the lounge

10:43Can we wait for jill oh no he's meeting us in argentina did i already take one of these sleeping

10:48i think you've taken a couple quents

10:51Hey be careful that is venetian suede oh god damn it come on hey hon

10:57How's being jeff fisher oh man it's wild but you know what's wrong well i can't stop thinking about the

11:04talk show

11:05i feel like i should have seen it through honey you've been talking about jeff fisher practically since we met

11:10i know i know it's just oh i gotta go but i love you

11:15All right i love you too okay bye darling darling darling will you help me finish these i just remembered

11:21i can't take them into peru peru queen we're going to buenos aires oh hon i'm so sorry i should

11:26have

11:26told you i never go to south america without first stopping at my favorite skin doctor in lima

11:30he does this thing for my crow's feet with illegal monkey fetuses and it makes me look like six months

11:36down girl oh my god you should totally do it with me come on come on come on okay all

11:43right you're

11:44about to throw your arch nemesis casper brinks into a jet engine let me hear the line

11:50when you see my father in hell tell him fit tell him jeff fisher sent you

11:58what what the hell was that oh man i'm sorry doc i just i got a lot on my mind

12:05okay hey listen if

12:06you're having trouble getting any character i'll have denise go out get some whiskey boxing gloves hey

12:11maybe we let you uh twist the neck off an exotic bird it's not none of that it's i i

12:16can't tell you how

12:17pumped i am about this series but okay hey man hey hey hey all right let's hash it out man

12:25to man

12:27well you know i was thinking can can we can we postpone the series so i can i can do

12:32the talk show

12:33oh a couple of months we could use it for prep i could i could even grow my own stash

12:38right

12:39what do you say what do you what do you think well i'll tell you what i think if you

12:44want to do your

12:45little daytime talk show and make soufflés and give away vacuum cleaners that's fine

12:52but you can kiss dac pounder here goodbye my friend

12:57dac dac dac whoa

13:01it was just a thought i was just thinking about it well i suggest you think long and hard because

13:07if

13:07you walk away from this today i will bury you i will make sure that no one touches jeff fisher

13:14with a

13:14ten-foot pole you get one chance my advice you take it

13:23you too let's go

13:33well i'd watch it every night really let me know if you need a first guest

13:45we need you back at the comfy channel

13:47she can't do what you do please come back i'll be loving you forever

13:53you missed a spot

13:57say it say it say it like it means okay you're a better dancer than lance bass oh yes another

14:02brilliant idea page oh don't pin this on me oh my god oh my god is it really you

14:10uncle joe oh took your back but we still don't have a guest relax i made a call

14:18and we got a show to do

14:20and watch your hand live from the comfy channel studios in beautiful downtown tarzana it's the

14:31joey mack show i'm joey batone and this is chris kapachik but here's the man of the hour joey

14:39joey mack show what an introduction huh am i lucky or what welcome everybody to the joey mack show

14:50you know what i'm so excited i gotta dance when i get excited yeah i got like a twinkle toe

14:57thing

14:57yeah yeah chris cook me up something will you got it i think you need a space i think you

15:01need a

15:01space cool let's get it oh oh i'm feeling it i'm feeling it

15:09ladies and gentlemen here we go thank you chris the new vacuum goes to

15:14joey jose from temecula oh you're gonna die right now congratulations

15:35i am over the moon and super grateful to introduce to you my first guest

15:42ladies and gentlemen please give a warm welcome to the amazing january jones

15:54have a seat my first guest

15:58nice for having me

16:01how old was i when i joined the new kids

16:0712 12. oh nice i didn't think she was gonna get there she got it how old was i when

16:13you were 12.

16:15don't answer that that's well i i should say two

16:20january jones everybody

16:25what a ton of fun we had today can't wait to do it again tomorrow we'll see you next time

16:29hit it

16:42all right everybody first show in the books thank you so much come on in here i just want to

16:47say

16:47that uh i am so grateful you worked so hard i also want to apologize for abandoning chip there for

16:53a

16:53second and uh also malcolm's mousepats actually they were supposed to be show jackets but uh maybe

17:00season two huh malcolm huh oh i think i see a baby i think that was a baby everybody thank

17:06you thank you

17:07thank you let's celebrate

17:10everyone fantastic job but quiet please because the president of the big network is calling to

17:16congratulate us okay patch us through suzy okay hello michael so listen saw the show and everything

17:23looked great guys and you really did a great job and joe is fantastic but i'm on the board today

17:29and

17:29it looks like we've been sold to funworld media so now comfy's being rebranded as the fly fishing

17:36channel effective immediately we're not moving forward with the joey mac show and sam thank you for your

17:42service but you and the rest of your team are being terminated as of today guys am i on speaker

17:50michael page quan joe don't worry i'm gonna take care of this what happened i don't hey we'll get

17:57through this uncle joe we always do it's the boy van code

18:18looks like i missed a great show

18:22barrett

18:25hey what what happened argentina i just couldn't leave you and the kids for six weeks

18:30i thought it was three quinn extended it so she could hit every plastic surgeon in the southern

18:34hemisphere she's having her arms lengthened in rio tough to miss that

18:42which came back for nothing i'm sorry but now you can do jeff fisher

18:47yeah that's not happening either i'll tell you about it in the car

18:52quinn must have been pissed huh no she took a lot of pills

18:59lanyards don't forget to turn in your lanyards lanyard thank you

19:10sam well i wish i could say it's been a pleasure you know this termination is really a blessing in

19:15disguise now i can take suzy on that relaxing sojourn to the mountains she really deserves it

19:20i'm afraid of heights well i guess this is goodbye i'm sure you'll land on your exceptionally large feet

19:27somewhere my normal-sized feet already have good for you where are you off to right here michael made me

19:34president of the fly fishing network

19:38you

19:39bitch oh see ya wouldn't want to be

19:52i said flan's kombucha is off limits we don't know what's in that stuff

19:58thanks for grabbing your things

20:07god bless him

20:13hey alex joe what up do i have something big for you i just got off the phone with alex

20:20i told

20:21you i want to spend some time with my family and get clear about what i really want okay but

20:26just hear me out will you two words country album

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