00:10Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. A lot of times, especially with men, we put up this facade and
00:17this gated feeling of like not wanting to let someone into who we are, you know what I mean?
00:26So, I would tell myself, definitely don't fall for that. Don't think being vulnerable is a sign of weakness.
00:51Ironically, it was during the time after I graduated from college and I came back onto
00:57the campus to do some work as I was transitioning from being a college student to being a radio
01:03personality in the area and we kind of met organically that way. We kind of saw each other throughout
01:10the years on campus but never really had any sort of like conversation per se, but it wasn't
01:14until after I left and came back onto campus that things kind of fell into place that way.
01:19I enjoyed just her, man. Her authenticity, you know, her willingness to be patient with
01:28me and allow me to more or less understand the benefits and the ups and the downs of being
01:37in a relationship and the fact that she taught me a lot, you know what I mean? Because I think
01:44a lot of times when we get into these relationships as men, we always want to feel like we know
01:48it
01:48all and that we're going to be in control of everything and not necessarily nine times out
01:53of ten that's not true, you know what I mean? So, it's like I was just enamored with the fact
01:58that she was a teacher and not only just a teacher but she was, like I said, she was patient
02:03with me and she allowed me to, you know, come along at my pace and to be honest with you,
02:10she was probably the most fruitful and beneficial relationship that I've ever had.
02:19What went wrong? Well, I mean, you're looking at them. I was the end-all be-all of the issues,
02:28you know. I think for the most part it was just the fact that I was young and not understanding
02:33the benefits and the values of being in love and, you know, a lot of times we always say
02:40you don't realize that you're in love until the situation is over and that's how it was
02:45for me. I was so focused on all these other things related to my career and I kind of just
02:52wanted to put everything on the back burner and unfortunately I was the reason for the relationship
02:59at the end. Well, what happened was actually it was, I had just got my first full-time
03:05radio gig so I moved and I was living in a different state and we tried to do the long
03:10distance thing. But in my mind, you know, being young at that time, 20-something years
03:15old, I'm thinking, okay, here I am, my first full-time radio job, my first apartment, my first
03:21time being away. Man, all these great things are going to happen to me because I'm, you know,
03:26doing radio in this new city, I'm going to be in these clubs, yada, yada, yada. Basically
03:31what I was doing was just, you know, self-sabotaging and making excuses for something because I think
03:36in my heart of heart I thought, I really thought, or I really did think that I wasn't ready per
03:41se, especially for that challenge of being away. Now, if we were in the same situation,
03:47in the same area, I think everything would have been, you know, copacetic, but it just didn't
03:51work out that way. And the irony of things, and I'll show you how, you know, things work
03:56out, seven months later I found myself back in the city after I left that radio station
04:04and I tried my hardest to make things work, but I think at that point in time I had already
04:10just screwed everything up. Funny thing is, it's like, I kind of set that relationship as
04:17a bar for all the other relationships that I tried to, you know, venture into, but I
04:23also beat myself up for years based off of that, you know what I'm saying? Because I
04:27just thought, like, I just had something perfect and I screwed it up. And then I didn't know
04:32if that perfection in my mind, a perfection of a relationship, whatever, you know,
04:38reared its head again. And so I just spent the years, honestly, you know, chasing something
04:44I couldn't catch. Lessons that I definitely learned from this experience is the fact that,
04:52one, be open-minded, you know, never just say no to certain situations, you know, be mindful
05:01of other people's feelings. Definitely be a listener and not a talker. And, you know, don't
05:10lead by your, you know, well, let me take that back. Some people always say, you know, don't
05:15lead by your heart, lead by this. But sometimes it's vice versa. You got to let this, you know,
05:21lead you to certain places because it will, this feeds this, you know? So if your heart's
05:27feeding your mind, then you're going to realize certain things that are meant for you, certain
05:31things that aren't meant for you and, you know, so forth and so on. And that kind of like,
05:37going through that experience and other, you know, relationships throughout my, you know,
05:42life kind of created where I was able to write my book, Last Request, because it's a story
05:48loosely based off of me about a man who's going through a journey of finding love and understanding,
05:57you know, what love is all about. Not even from the love that he's receiving from the main
06:03female interest or faint main female character in the book, but that lost in love that he
06:10wasn't receiving from other particular people in his life, you know? So that, you know, that,
06:17those lessons was the birth of Last Request, which is available now everywhere books are sold.
06:24So if I was to talk to younger 22 year old Stretch, first thing I would tell him is to
06:33shut up.
06:34That's the first thing. Just, you know, don't think that you know everything. Be able to sit
06:40down and again, be receptive and have an open ear and let the person who's talking talk. You just
06:48listen and then you respond. Um, I think I would tell my younger self too, is, you know, don't be
06:56afraid to be vulnerable. Um, a lot of times, especially with men, we put up this facade and this,
07:03and this, this, this, this, this, this gate gated feeling of like not wanting to let someone into,
07:10into who we are. You know what I mean? So, um, I would tell myself definitely don't fall for that.
07:16Don't be, don't, don't, don't think being vulnerable is a sign of weakness.
07:20Um, I think I would say to myself is definitely just be you, just be you. Um, because if you
07:28try to create all these different sort of, you know, entities of who you think you are, instead
07:34of just being your authentic self, then you're truly definitely not going to be able to, you
07:38know, flourish in any sort of relationship because that person is, they're not going to know who
07:43they're really, what, what they're really getting. Um, fourth thing I would tell my,
07:48tell my younger self is to, um, uh, be able to communicate effectively. You know, I think
07:58a lot of times, especially when we're younger, we, we think that it's better to kind of just
08:03like hold things in and just, and wait till things start to build up and boil over. Then
08:07that's when we want to have, have conversations. And by that time, things are just all over
08:11the place. So if you feel that you need to have this conversation and, and have it with
08:16a person, have it and, but also be ready to accept what comes out of that conversation.
08:22Um, and the fifth thing I would tell myself is, you know, plain and simple, just don't be
08:28a dummy. You know, don't be a dummy because dummies never win. That's it.
08:39It's a big deal.
Comments