His Wife Tried To End Him!

Unfiltered Stories

Today on Unfiltered Stories, we share the courageous story of Michael Neely, who endured many years of physical, emotional, and mental challenges within his marriage. Facing extreme situations, including life-threatening injuries, Michael's journey is one of profound strength and survival. Despite these harrowing experiences, he has worked towards recovery and rebuilding his life.   #survivorstories #lifestory #trauma   Follow Michael here:  FB: www.facebook.com/pastor.neely  Website: www.nmcctampa.org  IG: www.instagram.com/preacher5673  Book: Black Eyes And Sweet Talk: A Biblical Perspective On Domestic Violence: Neely, Michael: 9781729140246   Thank you for watching Unfiltered Stories! We offer a platform for our guests to speak openly about their life stories and journeys, shedding light on the challenges they faced and the resilience they've shown.  Our mission is to raise awareness about survivors by delving into their stories, exploring the impact of their experiences, and how they've managed to heal and rebuild their lives.  By sharing these stories, we aim to break the silence surrounding those challenging memories and create a compassionate environment.   🌅 FOLLOW US 🌅  Facebook ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredFB  Tiktok ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredTT  Snapchat ➮ https://tinyurl.com/UnfilteredSN

Transcript

00:00Hello, my name is Pastor Michael Neely, and today you're going to hear my personal journey

00:07as a male survivor through a 15-year emotional, verbal, mental, spiritual, and physical domestic

00:15violence marriage. I grew up in a two-parent home, and I remember distinctly one day my father's

00:22brother, my uncle, was having dinner with us along with his girlfriend, and my uncle's girlfriend

00:28passed him to ketchup, and the top was loose, and so when she passed it to him, she squeezed it,

00:35and ketchup dropped all over his tie, and he hit her in the mouth at the dinner table,

00:41and I'll never forget it. My father got up and asked him to leave, and my mother took his

00:48girlfriend in the bedroom because he drew blood, and so my mother took her back and helped her

00:54clean up, and my father sat my oldest brother down, my second oldest brother down, me, and

01:01my baby brother, and my sister, and he had us all lining up in a row, and he looked at

01:06each

01:06boy and said, don't ever hit a woman, and when he got to my sister, he said, don't ever let

01:15a man hit you, and I'll never forget that. The problem was, my father never hit my mother,

01:22but he was very abusive to me and my two brothers. I dated a lot, you know, I was fairly

01:30popular

01:30in high school, and I had a lot of girlfriends, different girlfriends, there was never any kind

01:37of abuse. Now, I met my first wife, and she was a very nice lady, very nice lady, and she

01:47had a

01:47two and a half year old girl at the time, who I absolutely fell in love with, and who was

01:53estranged from her father. I've always had a warm spot in my heart for a little girl. I decided that

01:59I wanted to get married, and my mother was a Christian at the time, and my oldest brother

02:03was a Christian, and they were obviously trying to convince me to become a Christian, and I did

02:08not want to become a Christian. I remember six months before I got married, my mother, God rest

02:14her soul, came to me, and she said, Michael, that's a nice young lady you're going to marry, but when

02:21you become a Christian, your life is going to be a living hell, and I said, why do you say

02:26that? She

02:26said, because she was raised as a Jehovah's Witness, and it's going to be very difficult for you. I looked

02:32at my mother. I said, well, mama, two things. I'm never going to become a Jehovah's Witness. I'm

02:38never going to become a Christian, so you don't have to worry about it. It's all good, and so I

02:44got

02:44married. I should have known it was destined for a disaster because my mother missed the way because

02:52we got married on a boat, and she couldn't fit the wrong directions, and we waited an hour and a

02:58half,

02:58and we had to take off. So flash forward, six months later, I become a Christian. I give my life

03:04to Jesus, and everything my mother said came true. My then wife thought that I was crazy and under the

03:11force of the devil and the enemy, and she started going back to the Kingdom Hall. So that caused a

03:16lot of conflict in the house. So I think it was about maybe six months after she decided to go

03:23back to

03:23the Kingdom Hall. We finally came to a decision that my daughter would go to church with me one Sunday,

03:28go to the Kingdom Hall with her another Sunday, not realizing the kind of damage we were doing to her

03:34because for my daughter, it was never a choice of choosing what she thought was true. It was choosing

03:39between mommy and dad, and of course, there was a strong connection because her mother was her

03:45biological mother. There was one Sunday morning that it was my turn to go to church with her,

03:50and I could still picture the living room, the wood floor. We were having a discussion that got a

03:57little argumentative about a passage of scripture, and so she got so angry with me, and she said,

04:03I'm not going to allow you to take her to church with you this morning, and I'm thinking, I said,

04:08yeah, okay, try and stop me. So I went to the back room, I got dressed, I put my suit

04:13on,

04:13and when I came out into the living room, she was standing by the front door, and right next to

04:20her,

04:20was my daughter. She was holding my daughter's hand with her left hand. I grabbed my daughter's

04:27right hand, reached for the doorknob, and I saw her right hand behind her back, but I just thought

04:32she was just holding her hand behind her back. She had a butcher knife, and she came out and sliced

04:37me across my wrist. I felt like I was in a twilight zone, but this, that what happened just didn't

04:43happen. So even though I saw blood flowing, I did not react, you know, the way you would think I

04:48would. I now realized I was in shock, so I continued to turn the doorknob to open the door,

04:54and she came back and smacked me two more times. Thank God she didn't burst an artery,

04:59but now the blood is flowing pretty good, and so she grabbed Monique. They went out the front door,

05:04and I went and got patched up, and I went to the church that I was attending at the time,

05:09and I'm in Chicago at this time. I go to the church, and I talk to the leaders of the

05:12church,

05:13and explain to them what happened, and this was the first time that it was ingrained in my thinking

05:19that God hates the Lord, and physical abuse is not a biblical reason for the Lord, and I was new

05:27to

05:27the Christian faith, and I respected their knowledge, and I said, okay, well then I'm going to man up,

05:35and me and God will fight this battle. That was my mentality. So it's interesting that the abuse

05:43always occurred over our religious belief. It's kind of weird. Now I'm up against her entire family.

05:50Everybody but her mother was in the kingdom home. The reason her father did not come for the wedding

05:54is because I was not a husband, and because he lived separately from his wife. They were still legally

06:02married, but he moved out because she was physically abusing him. So I now look back and realize it was

06:09a

06:09learned behavior. See, I didn't get any premarital counseling. I feel like I didn't need any of that

06:14stuff. I didn't know enough. Well, I soon found out that I did know enough. So flash forward to 1987,

06:20and I'm working for Time Magazine, and they offered me a promotion, and I took the promotion and relocation

06:28because I felt like if I could get my wife out of Chicago away from my family, and things would

06:34calm

06:35down, and we would end up being on the same faith. So we moved to Florida, and it only got

06:42worse. We

06:43were arguing one night about something, and it was late. I said, well, you know what? I'm not going to

06:48argue with you. I'm going to bed. And so I went to bed, and about 20 minutes later, the bedroom

06:54door

06:54open, and she has my daughter with her. She's about maybe five now, and she has a big picture of

07:01ice

07:02water, and said, you are no good, and just douses me with the ice water. So I'm thinking, you've lost

07:09your mind. Like, what are you doing? It's interesting, though, that as a man, and because I was not in

07:17fear

07:18of my life, per se, because physically, I could deal with her. I convinced myself that I was not

07:24being abused, that this was just spiritual warfare. It never dawned on me that I was in an abusive

07:31marriage. Honestly, I'm in a different church now in Florida, under different leadership. Abuse is still

07:37going on. I went and talked to them. Same advice. Stay and pray. And there were always what you call

07:43these honeymoon periods, you know, where things are pretty good, you know, that kind of thing.

07:50She would slap me often. I remember when my daughter was pregnant at the age of 15, and we went

07:58to the

07:58hospital, and you fill out the form. She was signing Jehovah's Witness on there, and I knew what that

08:03meant, that if there were some complications, they would not give her a blood transfusion. So I tore the

08:09document up, and then when it got time for her to have birth, I left the room. I didn't know

08:14that

08:15the nurse was a Jehovah's Witness. So they tore up my document, and we did it, and put her down

08:20as a Jehovah's Witness.

08:21Thank God she didn't have any complications. But later that evening, she told me what she did. I got angry

08:27with her, and she hit me in the jaw with a punch bowl. Big punch bowl. Wow. Right. So I

08:35just walked

08:36away, really angry, asking God to help me not hit her. Then again, I could always hear my father's voice.

08:44Don't you ever hit a woman. The physical abuse at that point always consisted of throwing things at me,

08:53slapping me, hitting me, punching me, moving along to after my daughter has the baby. My daughter and I

09:01got into a discussion, and it got heated, and she slapped me. My mother came running into the room,

09:06what's going on? I said, she slapped me. So she starts berating her for doing that. And my daughter

09:12screams at the top of her love, I've been watching you slapping for years. I'm thinking, oh my God,

09:19what have I been teaching my daughter? I've been teaching her that this is what love looks like.

09:23Flash forward about year 12. We're in the kitchen, and again, we're discussing a passage of scripture.

09:31She got to talking so loud, I gave her the old Jamie Foxx hand, and walked away. As I'm walking

09:38away,

09:39in my mind, I hear the Spirit of God telling me, turn around now. So as I'm turning around,

09:49and out of my peripheral vision, I see her arm going back, and in her hand is a pair of

09:57those

09:58steel scissors, and she is throwing them at the back of my head. So as I'm turning, I see them

10:05coming, right? And I'm like, oh, and I did like this, and they went by me about an inch. They

10:11missed

10:11me by about an inch. They stuck about that deep in the kitchen wall. She stood there and I just

10:18stood

10:18there and looked at them. But in my mind, this is what I said. I'm done. I don't care what

10:23happens.

10:24I'm done. I'm out. But I think that day, I left emotionally. I left mentally. But I didn't leave

10:31physically for about another two and a half years. But I left that day because I was still struggling

10:39with the bad theology that I had been given. God hates divorce. Abuse is not a biblical reason for

10:45divorce. I also was told on several occasions that if I divorced her, I could not preach again. My

10:52ministry, my pastoral career would come to a close. It would be over. And I even had what I would

10:58consider close friends literally tell me that if you leave, the glory of God is going to leave your

11:03life. I had people tell me this. So, and then there's something what I call praise and encouragement

11:10with good intentions, but ends up causing discouragement. And this is what I mean. Some

11:17of my married friends would tell me, you have no idea how you encourage her. The fact that you're

11:21staying in such a horrible marriage helps me deal with my little stuff. And I would hear this from so

11:27many people. And so now I'm thinking, okay, if I get a divorce, I'm letting these people down because

11:33they think I'm this great warrior. And I want to say to them so bad, I wish you would stop

11:37telling me that.

11:38You have no idea how I truly feel. So I finally decided that no matter what happened, I'm leaving.

11:48I'm done. I started studying on my own and realized that I had been taught wrong. No, this is not,

11:55this is not all, this is not at all what the scripture teaches. No, no, no, no, no. God hates

12:01the

12:02sin and the abuse that causes the divorce. You see, God hates the violence that brings it by the

12:08divorce. I remember I called a particular counseling hotline and I told this, I was so depressed and I

12:15told this lady my story. After I finished telling her my story, she says, why are you still in a

12:19dead

12:20marriage? It's dead already. Her violence broke that covenant a long time ago. You just need to go

12:25and get her and make the divorce legal. And when she said divorce, I said, I'm sorry. I appreciate

12:33your time, but I obviously called the wrong people because the voice was still, you know, that, that,

12:40that, that, that word, that anathema word can't, can't do that. So I finally make my mind and I,

12:46and, and I was not the senior pastor. I'm an assistant pastor. And I go to the pastor and I

12:52tell him, I said, listen, I'm filing for the vote. So if you want to take me down, take me

12:57down right

12:58now. Let me know where I stand because I can't do this anymore. I'm not doing it. I don't believe

13:03God wants me to do it. So thank God he didn't take me down. So I remember going downtown, filing

13:11the

13:11piece of paper. And I'm, and at that particular time, I'm about the 10th person in line. And

13:16there's a big sign on the wall up front that says divorce filing's here. Now there are other lines

13:21because you're in city hall and I'm, I'm sitting there and I'm thinking, wow, I'm in the failure

13:27line. We all feel, you know, and nobody can describe to you the feeling when you finally decide to get

13:35a

13:35divorce. It's like a death because I didn't get married to get a divorce. And I was so overwhelmed.

13:42And I felt like everybody was looking at me, look at the failure, look at the failure. They weren't,

13:47but your mind's playing tricks on me. But, but God helped me get through and I filed a piece of

13:51paper.

13:52I moved into the guest room until I could find another place to stay, get myself together. And my

13:59oldest brother, he said, Michael, you better put a padlock on that door because I, I now know

14:05that the abuse gets worse when you try and leave. I know that now because I'm an domestic violence

14:10advocate for over 20 something years. I didn't know that then. So I didn't heed his advice. That

14:15Sunday, when I woke up to go to church, my suits were missing out of my closet. So I'm like,

14:23this

14:23woman stole my suits. She swears up and down. She had not done anything with my suit. How about three

14:29days later, I find out that she buried my suits in the backyard. So from that day

14:34forward, I put a padlock on my door every night, I lock it up because I'm thinking she might want

14:40to

14:40come in here one night and do me bodily harm. So I signed a quick claim deed, gave her the

14:46house,

14:47gave her the good car, gave her everything. And I moved into an eight by 18 room in one of

14:53the worst

14:54parts of Florida, worst parts of e-boys. And I came home one night just depressed and discouraged.

15:02And the screen on the window had torn. My room was full of flies. So I'm up for about an

15:08hour fly swatting.

15:10I became a fly swatting expert. It's dark. It's about 11 o'clock at night. And I'm sitting on my

15:14bed

15:15and I'm thinking, Lord, this ain't, this ain't going to work. Well, look at me. How is this

15:20helping me? Look at me. I'm looking in the eight by 18 room here, struggling financially,

15:25mostly I'm struggling. And for the first time, I actually thought about going back. And I now

15:30understand, you see, I don't know if you notice it now, most people, they leave seven times before

15:36they finally leave for good. And there are different reasons why they go back. I'm living in this room,

15:41and I'm thinking, man, I left a nice house, nice car, you know, plenty of food. What am I doing?

15:46I thought about going back. I said, but Lord, I don't want to go back. And God said, this is

15:51the

15:51price you're going to have to pay. You'll get through it. But peace and joy, mental, emotional,

15:58spiritual health, there's no price tag. This is what it's going to cost you to gain all of that. The

16:03domestic violence was like a tanker worm and a locust. They had eaten at my emotional, mental,

16:08spiritual health. And God says, I'm not going to give you a do-over, but I will make your future

16:14of such quality. And when you look back on your back, it'll fail in comparison. And I am a witness

16:20to that restoration process. I have a wonderful wife now. Matter of fact, we're celebrating 22 years

16:26this year. So a wonderful home, you know, wonderful church, wonderful friends. And as a result of my

16:34own experience, I am associated now with almost every domestic violence organization in Florida,

16:42in some shape, form, or fashion. I probably counseled, I counseled hundreds of women,

16:48more women than men. I counseled hundreds of them. And one of the reasons I think I've been able to

16:53help

16:54them is because I understand the psychology, the brainwashing, all of that stuff, you know,

17:01manipulation, the gaslighting, all of those things. But I do think there was one particular situation

17:08that catapulted me into becoming an advocate. It happened one night in Bible study. About 150 people

17:15in this Bible study. And this lady asked a question about abuse, divorce. And I walked her through the

17:22process, how God wants you to be free. And I challenged her, I said, what does that say about

17:26the character of God? Send you back to be abused. The next day, I come into my office. I got

17:3218 phone

17:33calls. 18 women who were in that Bible study that night. 14 of them had their abusers sitting next to

17:43them. Blew my mind. Now I'm realizing, okay, this is an issue in the faith community that I didn't even

17:49realize it existed. I thought I was just an isolated story. But I'm finding I don't know this is

17:54prevalent. So there was one lady in particular. She said, when we got in the car, my husband took

18:00you an outline. He ripped it into pieces, tore it up. Then went and got high, came back home,

18:06and she said, Pastor, he did horrible things. And I said, how long has this been going on?

18:12She said, for 12 long years. She said, I've been in four different churches. She said, you are the

18:20first pastor that I ever heard say, God wants me free. I said to her, I said, if I can

18:27help you,

18:27if I can help you, let me know. She said, okay. The next day, she called me. She said,

18:32can you be at my house? I'm leaving my husband. I said, okay. So I put on my jeans and

18:39shoes and

18:39stuff. But he said, I'm going to move most of my stuff. I'm not going to take everything.

18:44So I'm thinking she wanted me to come and literally help her physically move.

18:47So when I got there, she had a couple of her nephews and some other

18:51guys who were friends of hers and her daughter with a cell phone just in case because he delivered

18:57stuff just in case he left. And so I started helping the guys move. And she came to me and

19:01she

19:02said, pastor, I don't want you to physically do anything. You don't want me to help her move.

19:07I said, what do you want me to do? She said, did you bring your Bible? I said, yeah,

19:11could you go get it? I went to my car and had my Bible. And she says to me, I

19:15want you to stand on

19:16this front porch like Moses at the Red Sea when he held up his staff. She said, the only way

19:22I'm going

19:23to feel safe is that if you stand on this porch, hold that Bible up. And I'm thinking this is

19:29an

19:29orthodontist. But you know what? I learned something. Victims need different things

19:34to feel safe. And so as long as they're not asking me to break the law and do anything crazy,

19:39I abide. I've learned to allow them to set the agenda. So for about an hour, every 10 minutes,

19:44I'm switching my arms. It took us an hour to get everything out. We said goodbye. We're driving

19:50slowly down the street. Then they stopped. And she's on the passenger side of the second car that I'm

19:55behind. And she gets out. And I get out. And I said, what's wrong? She has tears rolling down her

20:03face. And she looks at me. I'll never forget that. She said, please tell me one more time

20:09that God wants me free. I hugged her, reassured her God wants her free. She got back in the car.

20:16She got the window rolled down. I still hear her voice screaming from the top of her lungs,

20:23I'm free. And of course, it got fainter as she drove further off. I never saw her again.

20:30But that is the day I decided that I'm going to do something in the very community

20:37about domestic violence and see if I can be a change agent. And that's when I hooked up with

20:43some of the domestic violence shelters and became a champion and a counselor. To this day,

20:48I'm still counseling and helping people be free. But I'm a firm believer that the way you can redeem

20:57your story is by not burying it, by telling your story. There's healing in the telling of the story.

21:06And when you tell your story, you find out that you're not alone. That there are others that are going

21:10for the same stuff. We're headed in that direction. And by telling your story, you never know who you

21:15can help. I do have a book called Black Eyes and Sweet Talk. It is a proper biblical perspective on

21:23domestic violence. And at the bottom of the book, it clearly says, till death do us part. It's not

21:29made until my spouse kills me. It's a mixed book because it has my story woven into theology. So it's

21:37a

21:37good read. You can find it on amazon.com.

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