- 16 hours ago
Watch The Lovebirds (2020) full movie online! Starring Kumail Nanjiani and Issa Rae, this hilarious romantic comedy follows a couple on the brink of breaking up who suddenly get caught in a wild murder mystery. Wrongly accused and on the run, they must solve the case while rediscovering their love. Packed with laughs, action, and heart, this Netflix comedy adventure is perfect for fans of fast-paced romantic thrillers. Stream the full movie now and join Jibran and Leilani on their unforgettable misadventures!
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00:12:46I don't think he's a cop.
00:13:16Hello?
00:13:19I think he's fucking dead.
00:13:21Oh, shit.
00:13:22What the fuck?
00:13:28Oh, my God. What did you do?
00:13:32Oh, oh, oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:13:35This isn't what I was like. No, no, no, no.
00:13:35We didn't kill him. You hit him with your car, man.
00:13:38Oh, I mean, yes, I did, but...
00:13:40No, that was, that's hard. That was a while ago.
00:13:42Oh, my God, oh, my God. I mean, after I hit him,
00:13:44he was alive and, like, great. Not great.
00:13:47He wasn't having the best day, but he's been breathing since then.
00:13:50He's fucking dead.
00:13:50See, we know he's dead, but we didn't, we didn't kill him.
00:13:53Well, he just said he killed him.
00:13:54No, I said I hit him with my car.
00:13:56You clearly worked. You killed a guy with your car, man.
00:13:59I was driving, and we broke up, and I got distracted,
00:14:02and I ran through a red light just when a mustache came in,
00:14:05and he was like, I helped him a little bit with my map,
00:14:08which I made was definitely a mistake.
00:14:10He took our car, he ran over him, back in the car.
00:14:12And then back in four, ten times,
00:14:15and now I'm gonna take his blood off the end
00:14:16because of the fucking murder weapon!
00:14:18What are you doing?
00:14:19I'm calling 911.
00:14:19Please don't do that. We would never hurt anyone.
00:14:21He'd like to report a murder or whatever.
00:14:23We didn't murder anybody!
00:14:25Stop!
00:14:25You stop!
00:14:27Oh, my God, the police aren't gonna believe us either.
00:14:29Do you know how stupid we sound?
00:14:30It's the citizens arrest.
00:14:32Okay.
00:14:33What is that?
00:14:33It's an arrest for the citizens.
00:14:34Did you do that?
00:14:35Did you do that?
00:14:36On the count of three, okay?
00:14:38On the count of three, what?
00:14:42One, two, three, go!
00:14:45The guy just ran for it.
00:14:46Jabron!
00:14:47Okay, the guy's name is Jabron.
00:14:49Run, Leilani!
00:14:50And the girl's name's actually Leilani.
00:14:52Shit!
00:14:53Okay, she's running two now.
00:14:55She just happens to be African-American,
00:14:57and he just happens to be a person of color as well,
00:14:59but I don't, like, think they're murderers
00:15:01because they're minorities.
00:15:01I think they're murderers
00:15:02because they literally just killed the guy
00:15:04and he's playing here.
00:15:05Oh, fuck.
00:15:16Hey.
00:15:19Are you okay?
00:15:23No, she leaves.
00:15:25We were painting the kitchen blood colors.
00:15:33What can I get for you guys?
00:15:35Do you have alcohol?
00:15:37Two, please.
00:15:38Two.
00:15:39Two.
00:15:40Two what?
00:15:40Two alcohols, please.
00:15:42Thank you so much.
00:15:44We don't serve alcohol.
00:15:50We have to go to the police.
00:15:52Us.
00:15:54You and me.
00:15:56How do you think that's gonna go?
00:15:58It's the best bad idea.
00:16:00No, it's not.
00:16:01They're gonna arrest us in two seconds.
00:16:03Maybe we just tell them the truth.
00:16:04Do you think the police care about the truth?
00:16:06Do you think they're gonna give us the benefit of the doubt?
00:16:09But what else?
00:16:10Gibran, the truth sounds crazy.
00:16:13What are you gonna say to them?
00:16:16Hello, officer.
00:16:17We are turning ourselves in for now
00:16:20because we have nothing to hide.
00:16:23And why did you run from the scene of the crime?
00:16:25Good question, officer.
00:16:26That's why you're good at your job.
00:16:29It's because we looked guilty.
00:16:31Which was scary for us because we are not guilty.
00:16:35So in a way, us running only proves that we are...
00:16:37That's me covering up my body cam so I can beat your ass.
00:16:41You fucking liar.
00:16:42Okay, okay.
00:16:44Hold on.
00:16:44No.
00:16:47That was me throwing the book at you.
00:16:50You know there's no real actual book, right?
00:16:52So you left a man dead in the street.
00:16:54We did not leave him dead.
00:16:55And didn't call the police.
00:16:57Because there was no time because we had to go to the...
00:17:00Brown man, you sound crazy.
00:17:01Don't say that.
00:17:02You look like a murderer to me.
00:17:03Don't say that.
00:17:04Look at your murderous beard and your murderous brow.
00:17:07You said you like the beard.
00:17:08Your beard looks like murder.
00:17:17Don't.
00:17:18Hello?
00:17:19LaLani.
00:17:19Where the fuck are you guys?
00:17:20I'm so sorry.
00:17:21We bumped into an old friend and...
00:17:24Still at home.
00:17:25Going back and forth with him several times.
00:17:27Can you tell him to grab some wine?
00:17:29We don't have any white for Yvonne.
00:17:30Hey, can you pick up a bottle of Pinot?
00:17:32Grigio, not Noir.
00:17:33Sure, we'll bring a bottle of her.
00:17:35Great.
00:17:35See you in a bit.
00:17:37What's going on?
00:17:39They're acting weird.
00:17:41How do you know it's nice to meet me?
00:17:42What if I'm an asshole?
00:17:44You're hilarious.
00:17:58This silver milkshake container is such a thing, you know?
00:18:02They're always like, we made too much so here's the extra in the container that we made it in.
00:18:06They can't just measure it out.
00:18:10They don't do that with other stuff.
00:18:12They're not like, well here's spaghetti and here's some more spaghetti on the side.
00:18:16We made too much for the spaghetti plate.
00:18:19Here's soup.
00:18:20We didn't want to measure it out early on and here we are.
00:18:23Yeah.
00:18:25Like what the fuck?
00:18:26It's crazy.
00:18:27It's so crazy.
00:18:28They're not the extra milkshake container.
00:18:40Is this Leilani Brooks?
00:18:43Who's this?
00:18:44This is Detective Mary Martin of the New Orleans PD.
00:18:48Hi Detective.
00:18:49Ma'am, have you driven your vehicle at any time today?
00:18:52No, not today.
00:18:55Mm-mm.
00:18:56Can I ask where you are right now?
00:18:57Just asking where I am right now.
00:18:58Hang up.
00:18:59Home.
00:19:00I'm home.
00:19:01Just chilling.
00:19:01Are you saying that your vehicle is at home as well?
00:19:04Yes.
00:19:06If I just go to my window right now, I should see.
00:19:10Oh my God.
00:19:11Honey, wasn't our car parked outside?
00:19:13This is crazy, Detective.
00:19:15I must have left the keys in the ignition.
00:19:17Can I get you to anything else?
00:19:19Is that a waitress?
00:19:21Ma'am, where are you right now?
00:19:24We'll get the check.
00:19:27We're so fucked.
00:19:29No, we're not.
00:19:31We just have to lay low and keep a low profile until this blows over.
00:19:37I don't think...
00:19:39Murders don't blow overly.
00:19:41Yes, they do.
00:19:42If the police find the guy that they're looking for.
00:19:45You and me are the guy they're looking for.
00:19:47You know that song, Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gonna Do?
00:19:49Where are the bad boys?
00:19:51What are we gonna do?
00:19:52Yeah, I know that song, Who Let the Dogs Out.
00:19:54And I'm always like, who did let the dogs out?
00:19:56Are we just talking about songs that we remember?
00:19:58Who started it?
00:20:01Bicycle guy's phone bing-bong.
00:20:02It just made a bing-bong sound.
00:20:04Oh, don't touch it.
00:20:05Don't touch it.
00:20:06I've been touching it the whole time.
00:20:10It's his calendar.
00:20:11Idiot Dragon's Den.
00:20:13Wait, this 80 person obviously knows Bicycle, right?
00:20:17What?
00:20:18So what if she knows who wanted to kill Bicycle?
00:20:22Oh.
00:20:23Okay, so you're suggesting we actually go out there and solve a murder?
00:20:26That's what you're suggesting?
00:20:28Kinda.
00:20:30Who the fuck do you think we are?
00:20:31Hobbs and Shaw?
00:20:32We're not even a couple.
00:20:34We couldn't figure out our relationship.
00:20:35You could think we're gonna figure out who killed Bicycle.
00:20:41We did break up, right?
00:20:45Yeah.
00:20:46Okay.
00:20:49Gibran, all we need is a name.
00:20:50We get Mustache's name, we take it to the police, and then we're in the clear.
00:20:55We have ten minutes to get there.
00:20:57I don't think this is a good idea at all.
00:21:00Look, I know you're scared, Chi, and I'm scared too, but...
00:21:06What a sweet baby.
00:21:08Woof, woof.
00:21:09Can we try, Edie?
00:21:12See if she can help us?
00:21:14Okay.
00:21:15But if you're wrong and we spend the rest of our lives on death row, I'm gonna be so pissed
00:21:19at you.
00:21:20That's fair.
00:21:25Oh, my God.
00:21:27It's the police.
00:21:28Don't answer it.
00:21:29Ignore it.
00:21:29Wait, wait, wait.
00:21:31Wait, wait.
00:21:34Why do they still have the cigarette lighter?
00:21:36Like, just make it a power outlet at this point, you know?
00:21:39Like, who's like, I'm operating a vehicle.
00:21:41I want to introduce fire into this...
00:21:43Juman, please, no more milkshake monologues, okay?
00:21:46All right.
00:21:47Excuse me, sir, this is our destination.
00:21:53Are you Leon?
00:21:55Yes, sir.
00:21:56Dope.
00:22:01You ordered a lift share.
00:22:03I just have it set on that option by default.
00:22:08You're amazing.
00:22:10Oh, you're amazing.
00:22:11But you're, like, amazing, amazing.
00:22:13No.
00:22:14I don't know.
00:22:14I miss you when we're together.
00:22:16Like, right this second.
00:22:17I'm gonna sit next to you, and I miss you.
00:22:22So, I'm gonna go to this spot.
00:22:24Find this Edy person.
00:22:26Help!
00:22:27Help!
00:22:28Help!
00:22:28You can throw totally to know who Edy is.
00:22:32Baby, where'd you get that tattoo?
00:22:34I love you.
00:22:36I love you more than I love my mom!
00:22:39Shut the fuck up!
00:22:40Okay?
00:22:41It's all kissy and huggy now, but it all comes crashing down.
00:22:44Okay?
00:22:50All right.
00:22:51Are we going to the dragon's den?
00:22:53It'll be fine.
00:22:54We got this.
00:22:59It's not that bad.
00:23:00You just gotta find her.
00:23:02Okay.
00:23:03Yup.
00:23:05And just, just act super normal, okay?
00:23:07Yeah.
00:23:09We're normal.
00:23:10Normal.
00:23:10Just normal people.
00:23:13Coming to a bar.
00:23:20We should not have come here.
00:23:22You say that anytime we go anywhere with people.
00:23:25I was talking about the sense of impending doom that's growing in the pit of my stomach right now.
00:23:30I'm just saying, if I never made plans, we would never go anywhere.
00:23:34Congratulations.
00:23:34You made plans and this happened.
00:23:36You guys are going anywhere.
00:23:38Yeah?
00:23:42You're working here.
00:23:48You're working here for me.
00:23:50I've always been working here.
00:23:51You've been working here.
00:23:52Yeah, act normal.
00:23:53I love dancing.
00:23:54Normal people shit.
00:24:06that has to be her okay what do we do we should go over there right
00:24:33stop talking come with me who are you he sent you yeah um japan why don't you explain um
00:24:48there's sort of not a good starting he wants to be unprofessional and send two strangers instead
00:24:52of coming himself that's fine let's just do this and be done with it we just we just had a
00:24:57question
00:24:57and we wanted to know if you got no a guy with a mustache no a guy with a mustache
00:25:01okay drop the
00:25:02act it's unbecoming there's a way to do this that's respectable and this this is not that
00:25:22hand him over and this can all end the pictures give me the envelope what you guys think you're
00:25:31the only ones who can dig up a little dirt i know who your boss is we don't we don't
00:25:38have a boss we
00:25:39don't work together you don't know what pictures you're talking about i'm a documentary filmmaker
00:25:42she works at an ad agency you remember that commercial with the guys a nerd and then he uses
00:25:46his body wash and all the girls like want to him that was her idea that was my idea it
00:25:50was based on
00:25:50a true story this guy was really nerdy in my college and he would smell good and then i was
00:25:54like i like
00:25:54him now she didn't like the way a guy lived in college and then he smelled better and then she
00:25:58fucked him but it's fine and we don't know anything oh yeah right you showed up at the designated time
00:26:04place of the exchange let's take the guesswork out here you said that this gentleman's not your boss
00:26:24and you don't even know him no no why don't we just call him and see what he has to
00:26:29say okay great
00:26:37oh no it's not what you think don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining why would we
00:26:43do that
00:26:44we would never do that if she pees down your back she's gonna say it's me you think you can
00:26:48fuck with the congressman and get away with it you got another thing coming oh no oh no did you
00:26:58just
00:26:58tell them i'm a congressman real quick i'll be right back
00:27:08what's happening get out this is insane you can take that damn mask off brit are you okay
00:27:16i still didn't see my good idea my husband he was just about to get me my pan right hon
00:27:22i thought
00:27:23we agreed we weren't really gonna do the pain you go get me my goddamn pan hey just to clarify
00:27:28we're
00:27:28not blackmailing anybody excuse me what is the pan you tried to fuck us now you're gonna get
00:27:34fucked yeah okay your premise is wrong because we didn't try to fuck you and we don't want to get
00:27:38no i just love the smell of sizzling bacon don't you the only problem is the grease y'all ever
00:27:49see a
00:27:50bad grease burn it is remarkable the damage a little hot oil can do i'm gonna give you both a
00:27:56choice okay
00:27:57all the grease in this pan or what's behind this door what i said bacon grease or door it's up
00:28:10to you
00:28:11and you're first mr bing bong take the grease are you serious it's boiling hot grease you can pour the
00:28:19grease on my face edie may i ask a question do i get to know prior to making my decision
00:28:24where you'll
00:28:24be pouring the grease um yeah it'll probably most definitely be your face thank you she's that
00:28:30probably my bias she's obviously trying to scare you into choosing something worse we're single
00:28:35now i have to go out into the dating world how do you think i'm gonna do a bumble scars
00:28:38are super
00:28:39sexy oh you like burn scars after this i'm gonna seek out a guy with a burnt face you promise
00:28:44i'm gonna stalk your facebook so hard and if you're not with the fucking burn victim i'm gonna be so
00:28:48very upset well thanks for inviting me to block you i'm blocking you right after let's make a decision
00:28:52you're all right my husband and i have plans tonight i'll go with not the grease
00:28:56i'll go with the door japan door it is tell them what they've won
00:29:01no no no no water is that's gonna play on my feet stop it leave them alone open the door
00:29:14Is it going to shit on me?
00:29:25Take the grease
00:29:26It's your turn little missy
00:29:28The grease, the grease, I take the grease
00:29:29A lady who knows what she wants
00:29:33No, no, no, no, no, no
00:29:36No, no, no
00:29:39No
00:29:42Okay, let's see
00:29:47Come on, come on, come on, come on
00:29:51Honey, are you all right?
00:29:52No, no, no
00:29:56Stay back
00:29:56No
00:30:05Stay back
00:30:06Stay back
00:30:07Ready?
00:30:08Yeah
00:30:08One, two, three
00:30:33What the fuck just happened?
00:30:35Then I said one, two, three and you like ran
00:30:38Yeah, cause that's what you did in an alley
00:30:39You kind of set a precedent
00:30:41That's what I was going off of
00:30:42Yeah, but I assume you assume this time it would be like
00:30:44One, two, three attack
00:30:46Why would I assume that?
00:30:47Cause we had weapons?
00:30:48I don't know
00:30:50I never want to see a horse again in my life
00:30:58Thank you
00:30:59Thank you
00:31:07Don't I look stupid?
00:31:09I look like a unicorn throat
00:31:11No, you look the opposite
00:31:16Unstupid
00:31:23Okay
00:31:23Are you okay?
00:31:25Yeah, I'm fine
00:31:27It just hurts a lot right when the horse kicked me
00:31:32No, no, no, no, no, no, come with me
00:31:36It looks okay
00:31:37Ow, oh, Sticky, sorry
00:31:39Stop tapping right where the horn is
00:31:41Just trying to help
00:31:43Okay
00:31:44Come on, let's do this
00:31:46Okay, okay, okay, okay
00:31:52I can't
00:31:53I'm just going to wear this shirt for the rest of my life
00:31:55No, you're not, stand up
00:32:00Uh, raise your arms
00:32:05Okay, one, two, three
00:32:08Oh
00:32:17Can I just say this is the most bad shit crazy night ever
00:32:20You've never been framed for murder and tortured the bacon grease?
00:32:24Ah
00:32:25Ah
00:32:26It just
00:32:28Just be so gentle
00:32:29Okay, I'm sorry
00:32:30Just
00:32:32Oh, I didn't even tell you
00:32:47I ordered us a lift
00:32:49I hope you changed your settings
00:33:02You probably don't remember this, but
00:33:06Our first date
00:33:07That restaurant
00:33:08There was this couple
00:33:10Sitting next to me
00:33:12And they didn't talk the whole
00:33:13I remember them
00:33:15You do?
00:33:16Yeah
00:33:17They didn't say anything to each other the entire time
00:33:19You know, I think about them all the time
00:33:22Because I was looking at them like I never want to be that couple
00:33:25You know, that runs out of stuff to talk about
00:33:28But then the more I think about them
00:33:29The more I'm like
00:33:32Maybe they weren't miserable
00:33:34You know, maybe they were just
00:33:37Comfortable with each other
00:33:45So my theory about Edie obviously didn't pan out
00:33:50Maybe you were right
00:33:51Maybe we should just go to the cops
00:33:54I found something
00:33:56What?
00:33:59The piece of paper that Edie had with Bicycle's number
00:34:02It has an address on it too
00:34:03What?
00:34:04When did you get this?
00:34:05I was thinking
00:34:06Maybe Moustache killed Bicycle because of those pictures that Edie was talking about
00:34:09So if we can find those pictures
00:34:11Figure out what they are
00:34:12Maybe we can exonerate ourselves
00:34:14Moustache was clearly looking for something
00:34:16And Edie was very upset about those pictures
00:34:18It's a clue, right?
00:34:19Yeah!
00:34:20I did a clue!
00:34:24Should we go to that address?
00:34:27You know this is actually illegal, right?
00:34:30Breaking into Bicycle's house?
00:34:32Are you sure?
00:34:34Are you?
00:34:36Yeah
00:34:38Oh!
00:34:38That's our guy!
00:34:45Oh shit!
00:34:51Shit!
00:34:53He knows us us!
00:34:54He totally knows us us!
00:34:55Oh shit!
00:34:56Oh shit!
00:34:56Shit!
00:34:57He's on to us!
00:34:58He's on to us!
00:34:58He's on to us!
00:35:03Oh he's just a regular racist
00:35:05Thank God!
00:35:06Go!
00:35:21Shit!
00:35:23What?
00:35:24How are we gonna get up there?
00:35:26What?
00:35:26You just...
00:35:28Did you think it was one of those men only doors?
00:35:30Sorry!
00:35:33Maybe...
00:35:34Maybe there's one of those like catwalk things around the side...
00:35:37A catwalk?
00:35:37You mean like for fashion shows?
00:35:39Do you mean a fire escape?
00:35:42Why are you making jokes right now? This is serious!
00:35:44Okay!
00:35:44Okay!
00:35:45Here!
00:35:46Break the glass!
00:35:47You go!
00:35:48Me go!
00:35:49You're wearing heels!
00:35:50Right!
00:35:51The ice pick part will stab the...
00:35:52The ice pick part?
00:35:53You mean...
00:35:54The heel?
00:35:55Yes!
00:35:55The pointy heel part of the shoe will break the glass!
00:35:57It'll go right through it!
00:35:58No!
00:35:59No!
00:35:59Use your shoulders?
00:36:01Break the glass!
00:36:02I just got kicked by a horse!
00:36:04Can I take five minutes off from like bashing myself?
00:36:07Sorry!
00:36:11I'm just concerned!
00:36:12The heel's just gonna snap off!
00:36:14Not if you do it exactly perpendicular because there's a small surface area pressure!
00:36:17Okay!
00:36:17How do you know that?
00:36:19Mythbusters!
00:36:21So you do like reality shows?
00:36:23It's more of a docu-series!
00:36:31No!
00:36:32No!
00:36:33No!
00:36:34I remember now!
00:36:35That myth got busted!
00:36:43Reportedly ran over the cyclist multiple times!
00:36:45Two witnesses at the scene are currently being treated for emotional distress!
00:37:01What if there's someone in there?
00:37:03Looks empty!
00:37:05Right!
00:37:06Cause it's probably empty cause it's Bicycle's apartment and he's...
00:37:09Yeah!
00:37:10Dead!
00:37:10Yeah!
00:37:11I was there, Gibran!
00:37:12Just try the window!
00:37:17It's locked!
00:37:18Okay!
00:37:19Your turn to kick it!
00:37:20My shoes aren't made from kicking!
00:37:22Yeah!
00:37:22Neither were mine!
00:37:25In my defense!
00:37:26The heel on the kicking shoe didn't break up is the heel on the static!
00:37:29I won't throw you down this cap!
00:37:29You shouldn't have said that!
00:37:30Sorry you broke your shoes!
00:37:32Thank you!
00:37:32They were my date shoes!
00:37:34I didn't know you had date shoes!
00:37:36I got them for you!
00:37:41Can you kick this in quietly please since I'm barefoot?
00:37:44Okay!
00:37:45Okay!
00:37:46Okay!
00:37:48Okay!
00:37:48Okay!
00:37:49Okay!
00:37:53What?
00:37:54What are you doing?
00:37:55Why?
00:37:55Are you knocking?
00:37:56No!
00:37:57I just wanna pull back so I don't cut up my head!
00:37:59I make my living with these hands!
00:38:14All right, looks good!
00:38:15Witcher 3
00:38:15I'm sick!
00:38:18The problem brings you to your house for the last one!
00:38:25Go on!
00:38:25Shhh!
00:38:27Shhh!
00:38:27Shh.
00:38:29Shh.
00:38:32Shh.
00:38:36Shh.
00:38:37Shh.
00:38:39Shh.
00:38:39You okay?
00:38:39Yes, I'm okay.
00:38:41Shh.
00:38:46Shh.
00:38:49Wait.
00:38:51You hear that?
00:38:52Yeah, what?
00:38:53That?
00:38:55There's like music happening.
00:38:58We should go in there.
00:38:59What?
00:39:01No.
00:39:01What else are we gonna do?
00:39:02Go back outside.
00:39:03Okay, okay, okay.
00:39:05We're just gonna take a peek.
00:39:09Okay.
00:39:20No, dude.
00:39:21Shut the fuck up, okay?
00:39:22I remember this shit.
00:39:24And he was like, you're the one that was fucking passed out.
00:39:26You know?
00:39:28No, it was me.
00:39:29It was boy Ashley.
00:39:30Ashley.
00:39:31And I ate that day because I was in a bulky face.
00:39:35Where are all these red dudes?
00:39:37It's like a roofie laboratory in there.
00:39:39Those must be the photos that Edie was talking about.
00:39:42Hey, man.
00:39:43Leave us alone.
00:39:44He left one of the envelopes right there.
00:39:47Gotta go get it, dude.
00:39:49All those fuckboys are in there.
00:39:51I don't exactly know what that means.
00:39:53Did I use it right?
00:39:54I don't use it right.
00:39:54What are fuckboys?
00:39:56We're not having this conversation right now.
00:39:58No, no, no, no, no.
00:40:00That's why they can't hear us.
00:40:01The music's too loud.
00:40:02Watch.
00:40:04Caca!
00:40:08We need to go in there, grab one of those awful hoops and figure out what the fuck is going
00:40:12on.
00:40:12But all the Abercrombie and Fitch people will see us.
00:40:15Okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:40:17We gotta, um...
00:40:19We gotta come up with a plan to distract them, pull them out of there.
00:40:23I got it.
00:40:24You stay here.
00:40:25I'm gonna go out, ring the doorbell.
00:40:26I'm gonna say pizza during the break.
00:40:30Oh, hey, what's up?
00:40:32Hey, man.
00:40:33It's been a minute.
00:40:34Yes.
00:40:34Who the fuck are you?
00:40:36It's her and me!
00:40:37And him!
00:40:38Yes!
00:40:39From, uh...
00:40:44Oh, no!
00:40:46Get out of your mind!
00:40:47Fuck out of your mind!
00:40:49Fuck him up!
00:40:50Fuck him up!
00:40:50Fuck him up!
00:40:51Fuck him up!
00:40:55Tell me when you want me to jump in.
00:40:57You want me to jump in?
00:40:59This isn't ultimate fighting, Gibran.
00:41:00You can't tap out.
00:41:07I got you!
00:41:09You're hitting me!
00:41:10Get in the way!
00:41:12Oh, you're off!
00:41:21You're off!
00:41:22I'm off!
00:41:24Ah!
00:41:29Fuck!
00:41:30Ugh!
00:41:33Who the fuck are you?
00:41:37Who the fuck are we?
00:41:39We're the people who want some answers.
00:41:42Bitch!
00:41:43The bigger question is, who the fuck are you?
00:41:46What are you doing in my fucking room?
00:41:49Oh, we're here.
00:41:53Ow! Why would you do that?
00:41:58Yeah, why would we do that?
00:42:00That's what you want to know.
00:42:02We're asking the questions.
00:42:04And the answers to our questions better be answers.
00:42:07But the answers to your questions are going to be my fists.
00:42:11What? Ow!
00:42:13First of all, motherfucker, who do you work for?
00:42:15Yeah, motherfucker. I don't know what you're talking about.
00:42:17Don't be down my back and tell me it's raining.
00:42:19Don't do it.
00:42:20Don't do it.
00:42:21We don't like it.
00:42:22Nope.
00:42:22Because we know you're lying.
00:42:24And then we have piss on our backs.
00:42:26I would never do that.
00:42:28So tell us what we want to know.
00:42:29Yeah.
00:42:29Do you know bicycle?
00:42:31Do I know bicycle?
00:42:33What does that mean?
00:42:34Bicycle.
00:42:34Two wheels.
00:42:35Panda bars.
00:42:36Sometimes there's a basket.
00:42:37Sometimes there's spokes.
00:42:39Yeah.
00:42:40E.D. rode one and flew in it, bitch.
00:42:42I know what a bicycle is.
00:42:43Do you mean Tom?
00:42:44I don't know.
00:42:45Do we look like a bitch?
00:42:46Fine.
00:42:47I work for Tom.
00:42:48Tom rides a bicycle.
00:42:49He's like a weird environmentalist.
00:42:51Is environmentalism weird?
00:42:52Or is it absolutely necessary?
00:42:55I recycle everything.
00:42:57Yeah.
00:42:57Sometimes you'll try and recycle eggshells and banana peels
00:42:59and I'll be like, that's more compost.
00:43:01Okay.
00:43:02Focus back on me, little Brett Kavanaugh.
00:43:04What do you do for Tom?
00:43:06I'm not supposed to say.
00:43:07Shut the fuck up and talk, Chugga-Lug Chuck.
00:43:10I'm not supposed to shut the fuck up and talk at the same time?
00:43:12That's impossible.
00:43:13Figure that shit out.
00:43:14Figure it out.
00:43:15Please.
00:43:15All we do is we stuff these envelopes, okay?
00:43:17And then we have to deliver them to these, like, rich people.
00:43:20What rich people?
00:43:22I don't know, okay?
00:43:23He works at this, like, club.
00:43:26And these people are...
00:43:27These people are dangerous, okay?
00:43:28You don't want to fuck with these people, okay?
00:43:30I just...
00:43:31Ow!
00:43:32I have been a hundred percent cooperating.
00:43:35I don't like your tone.
00:43:35Date break, McGee.
00:43:41So tell us where the fuck this club is.
00:43:44I don't know.
00:43:45Because they don't tell us.
00:43:46They said the less that we know, the better, okay?
00:43:48They only contacted him on his phone.
00:43:54Oh, my Jesus!
00:43:55Help!
00:43:57Intruders!
00:43:58Intruders!
00:43:58Help!
00:43:59Oh!
00:43:59I did.
00:44:00I gotta get out of here.
00:44:04Come on.
00:44:05This way.
00:44:05How the hell are you supposed to be here?
00:44:35Shit.
00:44:41Hello?
00:44:43Yeah, I took care of the problem.
00:44:50Yeah, he's cold and mortal.
00:44:53Mm-hmm.
00:44:56I understand.
00:44:59Yeah.
00:45:02Yeah, I'll make sure it goes smoothly today.
00:45:04You have nothing to worry about, okay?
00:45:07Hang on a second.
00:45:22I can hear you better now.
00:45:24Go ahead.
00:45:47I just saw two people get murdered.
00:45:50Until yesterday, I had seen zero people get murdered.
00:45:54That could've easily been us.
00:45:56Oh my god, there's blood on my knuckles and left my DNA at the crime scene.
00:46:00Shit, I left my fingerprints on date rape's face.
00:46:03And now I feel really bad for calling him date rape.
00:46:06The police are gonna think we killed him too.
00:46:08They're gonna think we're like serial killers.
00:46:11We gotta figure this shit out.
00:46:22What is this?
00:46:28What is this?
00:46:31Dear Mrs. Burrows, there are many. We know you are one.
00:46:34What else? What else?
00:46:40That's it.
00:46:41This is like The Amazing Race, but with dead people.
00:46:45Wait.
00:46:47We have to get into Bicycle's phone. He said this is how they contact him.
00:46:49I'm gonna start guessing passwords. Important dates.
00:46:521-4-9-2. Nope.
00:46:541-7-7-6. Nope.
00:46:57What, are you gonna guess every impressive date in history? Stop.
00:46:59Right. He was a bicycle fan.
00:47:01What was the year that Lance Armstrong won his first tour to France?
00:47:041-9-
00:47:05Stop. Stop. Stop.
00:47:07Okay? You're gonna lock us out of the phone and then we're literally gonna have nothing else.
00:47:10Okay.
00:47:13I know who can get us into the phone.
00:47:16Who?
00:47:17Key.
00:47:19Key.
00:47:19He's our IT guy, okay?
00:47:21Oh, really?
00:47:22And he's a genius at this type of stuff.
00:47:24Oh, he's a genius. Wow.
00:47:26You guys are so lucky to have a genius working at your office as the IT guy.
00:47:30I'm not trying to hype him up, but if anybody can do it, he can do it.
00:47:33Errol Morris is a genius. Jackie Rowling is a genius. You can even say that like Lil Wayne is a
00:47:38genius.
00:47:38But Keyes, fucking Keyes.
00:47:39What is your deal with him? Why are you so-
00:47:42I don't like the way he looks at you.
00:47:43He doesn't look at me like anything.
00:47:46All that.
00:47:49I don't like the way you look at him.
00:47:57Look, do you wanna get into this phone or not? Because this could be our only chance.
00:48:11All right, we're gonna go in for five minutes, get the phone unlocked, and we are leaving.
00:48:14No, wait. We can't just go in there and ask Keyes to hack into a random phone, because he's really
00:48:19ethical about this kind of stuff.
00:48:20Oh, he's really ethical, but he's okay stealing comedy? This guy's a real question mark.
00:48:25Help me come up with something believable.
00:48:28I don't know.
00:48:30Everyone, look who finally showed up.
00:48:34About fucking time.
00:48:36Hey.
00:48:37Sorry we're so late.
00:48:38Hi.
00:48:39Oh, hey, Keith is here.
00:48:40Hi.
00:48:42Oh, my God, this all looks so good.
00:48:45Oh, Rhea, you have outdone yourself.
00:48:48Oh, my God.
00:48:49Did you try this guy?
00:48:50Mm-hmm.
00:48:51Oh, my God.
00:48:53That is to die for.
00:48:55These are some of the best things we've had.
00:48:57Whoa, it's so fresh.
00:48:58These are red.
00:48:59These green ones.
00:49:00What are the puppet colors they got?
00:49:01There's also yellow.
00:49:02I wasn't asking you, Keith.
00:49:03I was asking Rhea.
00:49:04Are you guys okay?
00:49:06Huh?
00:49:06Okay.
00:49:07We're fucking green.
00:49:08Hey, okay.
00:49:08One hundred.
00:49:09And what the fuck are you wearing?
00:49:10What the fuck am I wearing?
00:49:12What the fuck are you wearing, dude?
00:49:14Turtleneck.
00:49:15Is that blood on your face?
00:49:17And it's a big disgrace.
00:49:20We actually do have some news.
00:49:23Um, Gibran, tell him.
00:49:25We box now.
00:49:28Boxing?
00:49:29We actually just took a class before we came here,
00:49:32and Gibran boxed outside of his weight class.
00:49:36It was incredible.
00:49:37I'm what they call a bleeder in the boxing biz.
00:49:41They actually said I could never be a professional boxer
00:49:43because of how much I bleed.
00:49:45So the reason you were late was because you were boxing?
00:49:49Yeah.
00:49:52Oh my God, I have such a good idea.
00:49:54Do you guys want to see a video of Gibran getting knocked out?
00:49:58Yeah, definitely.
00:50:00Pull out your phone, honey.
00:50:01Yeah.
00:50:05Okay.
00:50:07What?
00:50:08I can't remember my passcode to my phone.
00:50:13Oh my God.
00:50:14Do you think that it's all of the hip sticks you took to your head while boxing?
00:50:20Is it a new passcode?
00:50:21No, Keith. It's not a new passcode.
00:50:23Good question, though.
00:50:25Oh my God. Do I have a brain... brain... brain injury?
00:50:30Call your doctor.
00:50:32Yeah.
00:50:33I'll call doctor.
00:50:34You don't remember his name.
00:50:36His name is in the phone, but I can't get into the phone, so I can't even Google it.
00:50:40How did... if only we could unlock the phone. Oh no!
00:50:43It's okay.
00:50:44Huh?
00:50:45I can get into your phone.
00:50:46Oh, you don't have to do that.
00:50:48I want to help.
00:50:48Okay, let's do it right now.
00:50:55Those things are wrecked. You need a new phone, man.
00:50:57You need a new phone.
00:50:59What?
00:51:00What?
00:51:01You okay?
00:51:01Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm good.
00:51:04Just running the rainbow tables here about halfway through.
00:51:07I was actually gonna run a brute force algorithm, but this will be a lot faster.
00:51:10It'll be faster, yeah. Good call.
00:51:12Oh, you know about it?
00:51:13Yeah.
00:51:14I know all about it.
00:51:15Awesome.
00:51:15Because a brute force algorithm would brutally force the rhythm of Al Gore, while rainbow tables
00:51:23are sort of more the spectrum of Roy G. Biff and all that, so...
00:51:28Roy G. Biff?
00:51:30Roy Greg Biff.
00:51:31He's got rainbows.
00:51:34And now he takes up boxing.
00:51:36Yeah, Jabron and I broke up.
00:51:39Oh my God, are you serious?
00:51:41How is that even possible?
00:51:42You're like the best couple ever.
00:51:44Us?
00:51:45You and Bobby are the perfect couple. Are you kidding?
00:51:47Oh no, Bobby and I fight all the time.
00:51:50Yeah, because you guys have sex constantly.
00:51:53Like, doing all kinds of freaky shit.
00:51:55Oh no.
00:51:56What made you think that?
00:51:57Because you post those hot pictures of you and Bobby in bed.
00:52:00Oh, two of my exes follow me. I'm just trying to make them jealous.
00:52:05It's, yeah, it's hot.
00:52:07So why'd you learn this stuff? Like MIT or something?
00:52:10Me?
00:52:11Yeah, right.
00:52:12Nothing like that.
00:52:13You're the fancy one here.
00:52:15What?
00:52:17Yeah, Leilani's told me all about you.
00:52:19You sound like a very impressive guy.
00:52:23She talks about me?
00:52:24Yeah.
00:52:25She brags about you all the time.
00:52:38Look at that.
00:52:40We're in.
00:52:53Can you do me a favor?
00:52:54Yeah, anything.
00:52:56Ever since G and I broke up I've been super emotional and have all these dick pics.
00:53:00And I just need someone to hold onto them for me until I'm emotionally ready.
00:53:06You printed them out?
00:53:07I did.
00:53:08Just put them in a plate.
00:53:09Don't open them.
00:53:10Just put them in a safe place, okay?
00:53:13Senator Burroughs?
00:53:14Mm-hmm.
00:53:15That's what I call it.
00:53:16Cause he be blowing all up in it.
00:53:20Okay.
00:53:20And you said I get freaking shit.
00:53:23Hey.
00:53:24So Keith unlocked my phone.
00:53:26Great.
00:53:27Yeah, my doctor's at a party.
00:53:29He'll see me, but we have to go right now.
00:53:31Okay, let's go.
00:53:32But we can't go dressed like this though.
00:53:34Why not?
00:53:36Oh, he's at a fancy benefit, so.
00:53:39Can we borrow some nice notes from you, Roy?
00:53:41Um, yeah.
00:53:42Right this way.
00:53:48Oh, yeah.
00:53:50What are you doing?
00:53:51Turning around so you can change.
00:53:53It's not like you haven't seen this a million times.
00:53:56Okay.
00:54:00Actually, you know what?
00:54:01Turn around.
00:54:01Little weird.
00:54:01Yeah.
00:54:04Are you ready for this?
00:54:05No.
00:54:06But I'm glad we're together.
00:54:08Me too.
00:54:09Listen.
00:54:10If I don't make it, you could do a lot worse than Keith.
00:54:13I would never date anyone who steals comedy.
00:54:25You know what?
00:54:26I'm gonna finish getting dressed outside so you can get dressed in here.
00:54:28Yeah.
00:54:29Dang.
00:54:30Jeez.
00:54:31Guess I don't need these.
00:54:33Trade you.
00:54:33Thanks.
00:54:35See you later, crocodile.
00:54:36Okay.
00:54:52You look great.
00:54:57Ready?
00:54:58Yeah, ready.
00:55:00For our doctors.
00:55:01Yeah, my doctors.
00:55:02Yeah.
00:55:03Yeah.
00:55:03Have a great night.
00:55:04For concussions.
00:55:09Oh, no.
00:55:10It's the cops again.
00:55:18Ma'am, it's a little quiet in here.
00:55:20Can you mind turning on some music or something?
00:55:22Yeah.
00:55:22Thank yous.
00:55:30What?
00:55:31This used to be our jam.
00:55:32This has never once been our jam.
00:55:34Do not act like you don't like this song like the rest of the world.
00:55:36I do not like this song like the rest of the world.
00:55:39Do you ever feel?
00:55:42It's a paper thing.
00:55:43Like a puff of guns.
00:55:45No way.
00:55:45I know what you're doing.
00:55:46Whenever I'm stressed out, you're trying to get me to sing along to songs and it never
00:55:49works.
00:55:49It always works.
00:55:50You just gotta be open to it.
00:55:52And you're trying to get me to sing along to songs and it never works.
00:55:56Can you see that?
00:55:57Can you see that?
00:55:57I'm just not in the mood.
00:55:59Can you see that?
00:56:00Can you just sing in your head, just to the back?
00:56:02Try the light and let them shine
00:56:09Just on the night like the fire burn to lie
00:56:16Cause baby you're a firework
00:56:20You're a firework
00:56:24Make them go oh, oh, oh
00:56:27As you shoot them from the sky
00:56:29Just on the night like the fire
00:56:32Baby you're a firework
00:56:36Come on let your colors burn
00:56:39Make them go oh, oh, oh
00:56:43You're gonna leave them going oh, oh, oh
00:56:48Phone, phone, phone
00:56:51Even brighter than the moon
00:56:53Phone?
00:56:56Okay.
00:56:58Go ahead
00:57:00Go ahead
00:57:01Yeah
00:57:01Thank you
00:57:14Thank you so much
00:57:33What is this place?
00:57:36I don't know but it's fucking creepy
00:57:40Thank you
00:57:42Thank you
00:57:43Thank you
00:57:43Thank you
00:57:44Thank you
00:57:45Thank you
00:57:45Thank you
00:57:46She recognizes us
00:57:47Oh
00:58:08Oh shit
00:58:13Why is it so quiet?
00:58:19Hi
00:58:20Hi
00:58:20Give me a
00:58:21Sorry
00:58:24Sorry
00:58:25Thank you
00:58:27Excuse me
00:58:28Hi
00:58:29Oh it's so sharp
00:58:30Excuse me
00:58:33Sorry
00:58:35Sorry
00:58:50We are one
00:58:52We are one
00:58:55We are many
00:58:56We are superior
00:58:58We are one
00:59:00We are one
00:59:03We are one
00:59:04We are one
00:59:04We are one
00:59:16Welcome
00:59:17Membra
00:59:19Altum Sacrarium
00:59:21From the time of Hermes Trismegistus
00:59:25Hermes the thrice blessed
00:59:27This is some amenity bullshit
00:59:29To build the pyramids to the hermetic order of the golden dawn
00:59:34Where is the beast?
00:59:38This unbroken chain of wisdom shall be handed down to ten initiates
00:59:45We are one
00:59:48We are one
00:59:48We are one
01:00:04Fifty one
01:00:08Is this bingo?
01:00:10I like bingo
01:00:13Seventeen
01:00:18Six
01:00:20Twenty
01:00:20Twenty
01:00:21Three
01:00:22Did they win?
01:00:25Forty
01:00:26I don't think we are supposed to do that
01:00:29Seventy two
01:00:33Forty four
01:00:34Where are they going?
01:00:37Thirty four
01:00:39Do we want our names to be called?
01:00:41I don't know
01:00:41I don't think so
01:00:42And the final
01:00:43Number
01:00:44Is
01:00:47I'm behind
01:00:51Let the ceremony begin
01:00:57Oh no, that's not the fact
01:01:01What
01:01:02What is happening?
01:01:12What is happening?
01:01:17I think they're gonna, um
01:01:20Yeah, that's what I thought
01:01:21I was gonna have a bed
01:01:26No they didn't
01:01:27No they didn't
01:01:27Uh, yes they did
01:01:29Yes they did
01:01:30Yes they did
01:01:32You know I'm actually not hating this
01:01:34Yeah, you've made your thoughts and orgies quite clear
01:01:37Do you think they're gonna call more numbers?
01:01:41This is spontaneous
01:01:43This is not smart
01:01:44This is
01:01:44I bet all these people had her on their Google account
01:01:46Shhh
01:01:53Stop!
01:01:56Go away
01:02:04I love that they actually respect the word, stop
01:02:12There is a traitor amongst us
01:02:17A worker has violated the most sacred code of Sacrarium
01:02:23And for this, he has paid a hefty price
01:02:27He is, quote, mortem
01:02:30Javron
01:02:31Oh my god, they hired Mustache to kill by Isakul
01:02:34Oh, David
01:02:36Silence
01:02:37We should get out of here
01:02:38I have just learned that this man's bar code has been used to enter Sacrarium tonight
01:02:47We have impostors in our ranks
01:02:52Oh no, impostors, that sucks
01:02:55We must all reveal our true faces so that this impostor may be rooted out and dare weird
01:03:04On my count of three
01:03:07Unmask yourselves
01:03:10One
01:03:10Okay, okay
01:03:12Fuck, fuck, okay
01:03:13Everyone's gonna take their mask off
01:03:14Two
01:03:14Okay, fuck, fuck, okay
01:03:16We have to do it
01:03:17Can I do this?
01:03:18Three
01:03:23Oh, fuck
01:03:24A true member knows you never take off your mask
01:03:30Oh my god, that's him
01:03:32Go, go
01:03:33Go, go
01:03:33Okay
01:03:36Your burnt offering shall be made to the gods and it shall...
01:03:42Oh, no
01:03:42Stop
01:03:42I'm a pleader
01:03:46Evacuate
01:03:49Evacuate
01:03:52Evacuate
01:03:52What the fuck?
01:04:01What the fuck?
01:04:03All the fuck people left
01:04:04Were you having the same dream?
01:04:09Um...
01:04:09Let's go
01:04:10Go, go, go, go, go, go
01:04:12Oh my god
01:04:12Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go
01:04:14Freeze!
01:04:15Oh, move
01:04:16Hands in the air!
01:04:17Higher!
01:04:18Higher!
01:04:19This is as high as they go
01:04:23Dispatch us at 1095, they're in custody, we're on our way back
01:04:27Oh my god
01:04:44Detective Martin will be here shortly
01:04:52It's over
01:04:52We're done
01:04:56I know
01:04:58I need to tell you something
01:05:02Yeah?
01:05:05You remember when you went out of town for Ben's bachelor party?
01:05:10You ate all my peanut bro
01:05:12No
01:05:14Yeah
01:05:17I snuck into your office and I watched your documentary
01:05:20You did what?
01:05:21I know, I'm sorry
01:05:24But can I just say that
01:05:26It was really good
01:05:33Why didn't you say something?
01:05:34Gibran, honestly, sometimes
01:05:37I feel like you don't care what I think
01:05:43I care so much about what you think
01:05:45That's why I didn't want to show it to you
01:05:47I was afraid you wouldn't like it
01:05:49You know, you've had your life figured out
01:05:51Since the moment we met
01:05:53And I always felt like you could do so much better than me
01:06:00You know, honestly, I...
01:06:02I felt like I don't have anything figured out
01:06:04Like, zero
01:06:08But I was so obsessed with what everybody else thought
01:06:11Except the one person that I care about the most
01:06:18I just want you to be happy
01:06:22I just want you to be happy
01:06:22I want you to be happy too
01:06:29Also be friends
01:06:31Lying out at the trial
01:06:33Oh no, I took the deal
01:06:34What?
01:06:35Nobody told you
01:06:37Wait, but I thought we'd have to see the lawyer
01:06:39I'm gonna rat all day
01:06:41It's done?
01:06:42Yeah, it's done
01:06:43I like them
01:06:45I don't think they should break up
01:06:47The relationship's a motherfucker
01:06:49Yeah
01:07:13We've been looking for you all over this city
01:07:18You guys are key witnesses in a homicide and the suspect is throwing the loose
01:07:24What?
01:07:25We've been trying to track you down all night to make sure you were safe
01:07:28We tried calling your phone seven times
01:07:30Wait, I'm sorry
01:07:30You don't think we're the murderers?
01:07:33No
01:07:34There were traffic cameras that caught the entire pursuit
01:07:37I can't believe it
01:07:38We're trying to ID the individual who carjacked your vehicle
01:07:41We know that he's responsible for this incident as well as multiple homicides at the St. Charles Apartments
01:07:46A bunch of dead frat guys
01:07:50Just to be clear
01:07:52We are not suspects in a murder, homicide
01:07:57You know we didn't do this
01:07:58We didn't do it
01:07:59Of course you didn't do it
01:08:00Why would two civilians violently murder a man they've never even met?
01:08:05Why?
01:08:06It doesn't make sense
01:08:09Oh my god
01:08:11That's right
01:08:12I promise I've never killed anyone
01:08:14And I promise to never kill anyone
01:08:17Never
01:08:18Never kill anyone
01:08:19Never kill
01:08:19Have I thought about killing people like Gibran?
01:08:22All the time
01:08:22But I never
01:08:23But in a normal way
01:08:24No, just in a way
01:08:25He would never act on her
01:08:27In a way to where I'm like, I will kill you
01:08:29I will wring your neck
01:08:30But I will never
01:08:30But not in a real murder way
01:08:32Not physically
01:08:32I mean, I have rolled through stop signs almost every day of my life
01:08:35But not in a dangerous way
01:08:37I used to sell my uncle's edibles
01:08:41He was always like, it's legal in Amsterdam
01:08:43He could not point at Amsterdam
01:08:44She did not sell them in Amsterdam
01:08:46She did sell them here
01:08:47I don't know where Amsterdam is
01:08:48But to help people
01:08:50Get high
01:08:51Glaucoma
01:08:52Things like that
01:08:53She did make some money at a time when we did need some money
01:08:57We needed to pay some business
01:08:58Wait, I'm sorry
01:08:59So, did you guys catch the cult people?
01:09:03The cult in the theater with the people with the masks
01:09:05The masks
01:09:05And everybody was sex
01:09:07The lucky people had sex
01:09:08They would go and there was a round bed
01:09:09It was crazy
01:09:10People, yeah, they were having sex
01:09:11Very public place
01:09:12Some people were putting in work
01:09:13Big round bed
01:09:15Some people got right to it
01:09:16They were
01:09:16Something about right to it
01:09:17I will agree they were putting in work
01:09:18Yeah
01:09:19We saw all of that
01:09:20And let me tell you sis
01:09:22It was a sight
01:09:23That's super helpful
01:09:25But we know all about Secrarium
01:09:27We've been tracking them for months
01:09:29And the raid tonight was supposed to shut them down for good
01:09:31But
01:09:31Somebody tipped them off that we were coming
01:09:34Look
01:09:36You guys
01:09:37Witnessed some horrific things
01:09:39Eventually we're gonna need your statements
01:09:41But I really think that you too
01:09:42Would benefit from some sleep
01:09:45So
01:09:46Why don't you come back first thing in the morning
01:09:47And we'll get your statements then
01:09:49One of our guys out back will take you home
01:09:51And we'll keep an eye on your place to make sure you're safe
01:09:54Until the suspect is apprehended
01:09:56Thank you so much
01:09:57This has been a good experience
01:09:59Thank you
01:09:59For everything
01:10:00Is there a comment card?
01:10:01Cause I'm doing five
01:10:02Yeah I would love to just
01:10:03Five down the line
01:10:15So that's it?
01:10:17We just
01:10:18Go back to our normal lives
01:10:20Like nothing happened?
01:10:23I guess so
01:10:29Um
01:10:34I can sleep on the couch tonight
01:10:36Oh no
01:10:37We can
01:10:37We can trade off
01:10:39No
01:10:40You should have the bed
01:10:49It's crazy
01:10:50I know we didn't like solve the crime or whatever but we got really close
01:10:55I'm proud of us
01:10:58And not bad for a couple rookies
01:11:01You know the one thing I can't figure out is
01:11:04Who called the cops?
01:11:06I did
01:11:10Remember me?
01:11:12How did you get in this car?
01:11:14I told you I was a cop
01:11:15I've been on the force for about 13 years
01:11:18I'm actually kind of a big deal over there
01:11:21And you were a member of the sex cult too?
01:11:23Nah they paid me to keep them safe from the police
01:11:26Wait so you were protecting the sex cult and also blackmailing its members?
01:11:32As a matter of fact I was
01:11:34Do you know how much this fucking city pays me?
01:11:36I put my life on the line every single day and the government tosses pennies at me
01:11:41But you know what is fucked up?
01:11:44That guy on the bicycle?
01:11:46The one I ran over several times with your car?
01:11:48I remember you remember and we remember
01:11:51That was my friend
01:11:53Me and him we come up with the blackmail the cult scheme
01:11:57But he got too greedy
01:11:59Stopped giving me my full cut
01:12:01And then against my better judgment he brought those ignorant frat boys on board
01:12:05Sir if I may we don't know anything and we have terrible memories
01:12:09So please just let us go you can trust us
01:12:12Lady I don't trust anyone
01:12:13Here's a little tip
01:12:14The world is out to get you
01:12:17The only one who's got your back is you
01:12:22You're wrong
01:12:23That's not true
01:12:25I trusted someone
01:12:26One person
01:12:29Siobhan
01:12:30I will never trust anyone again
01:12:34Never
01:12:35You come into this world alone
01:12:37And you leave this world alone
01:12:40Which is what you two are about to find out
01:12:54Look
01:12:55I'm sorry I have to kill you guys
01:12:57You seem like a nice though somewhat annoying couple
01:13:00But if it makes you feel any better I will get over it
01:13:03You don't have to do this okay
01:13:05You're not a killer you're a good person
01:13:07I can see it in your eyes
01:13:09Yes they're so kind
01:13:10They're luminous
01:13:11Do you know how many people I have killed today?
01:13:15I would say you've killed like exactly the right number of people
01:13:18I wouldn't add to it
01:13:19Because right now the number of people you've killed is impressive but not like worrying
01:13:23Also you killed a guy on a bicycle and a bunch of frat boys
01:13:26Who's kidding who?
01:13:27You're practically a folk hero
01:13:28That was a rhetorical question
01:13:31Never too late to change
01:13:32Maybe if you do you can find a new Siobhan
01:13:35Did I say that you could talk about Siobhan?
01:13:37I thought you were Siri and I thought it was not my invitation
01:13:40But I'm-
01:13:40Listen Siobhan is clearly a-
01:13:42You two!
01:13:43Take that name out of your mouth!
01:13:45I'll never say the name Siobhan again
01:13:48She's dead to me I don't even-
01:13:49She sucks
01:13:50Shut up
01:13:54It clearly isn't over Siobhan
01:13:58Turn around and put your hands behind your back
01:14:02You lay a hand on her and I'll kick your ass dude
01:14:06Turn around
01:14:07Yes sir
01:14:10They have traffic cam footage of you man
01:14:12You're so fucked
01:14:14Nah it's not-
01:14:15It's very grainy
01:14:16It's like uh-
01:14:17Bigfoot footage
01:14:21Siobhan we can't just sit here waiting to be killed okay?
01:14:23We need to do something
01:14:24Okay okay
01:14:24Help me figure something out
01:14:26Okay okay
01:14:26Um
01:14:27Here
01:14:28I'll loosen my ties
01:14:29Okay
01:14:30Shhh
01:14:30Can you do it?
01:14:31I can barely reach out
01:14:32Okay you're just getting tighter
01:14:33Ow
01:14:33Okay I'm sorry okay try me
01:14:35Is it working?
01:14:36No
01:14:36Oh fuck
01:14:37I'm gonna try taking this
01:14:38Ah
01:14:41Shit
01:14:42I wish I was wearing your date shoes
01:14:44Siobhan the lighter!
01:14:45The cigarette lighter!
01:14:46That's what it's there for!
01:14:47Go!
01:14:49Yeah you can do it
01:14:54Okay that's kinda hot
01:14:58You can do it
01:14:59You can do it
01:14:59Oh my god
01:14:59He's laying on plastic
01:15:00Oh shit shit shit shit
01:15:02Has it popped out yet?
01:15:03No
01:15:03What about now?
01:15:04Okay
01:15:05Okay
01:15:06Come on
01:15:07Hurry up
01:15:08Get it, get it, get it
01:15:09Get it, get it, get it
01:15:10Get it, get it, get it
01:15:10Oh shit
01:15:13Ah
01:15:13Get the plastic down my hand
01:15:18Ahhhh
01:15:20Drop it, drop it
01:15:21Ow!
01:15:22I had it in my mouth okay?
01:15:23Okay
01:15:23Yeah but you're gonna have a hot pan on your-
01:15:25Hurry up!
01:15:27Hold up, hold up
01:15:27He's looking at us
01:15:28He's looking at us
01:15:29Hold on
01:15:30Okay put it in
01:15:31Put it in
01:15:33Put it in
01:15:34Out of the car
01:15:38They're gonna get you
01:15:40They know you drove us
01:15:41No they're not gonna suspect me
01:15:43When I drove you guys to your apartment
01:15:45The real killer jumped out of the bushes and hit me over the head
01:15:50When I woke up there I was tied up in the back of my own squad car with you guys
01:15:54here at the marina
01:15:57Watch his step
01:16:00And then the killer made us get on the boat
01:16:04That's right, all three of us
01:16:06And you remember what happened next
01:16:08He made us all kneel down
01:16:10Go ahead
01:16:12I jumped up and tried to save you guys
01:16:15And in the scuffle
01:16:16I was shot
01:16:17I wasn't mortally wounded
01:16:18But I had to watch in horror
01:16:20As the masked killer
01:16:22Executed you both with my gun
01:16:24Anyway
01:16:25Let's get this over with
01:16:28Eenie
01:16:29No
01:16:30Eenie
01:16:33Meenie
01:16:33Meenie
01:16:35No
01:16:43It doesn't matter
01:16:47No
01:16:49I'm going to die
01:16:53I'm going to die
01:16:59You're going to die
01:17:01But you never know
01:17:02No
01:17:02No
01:17:02No
01:17:02No
01:17:03No
01:17:03No
01:17:03No
01:17:03No
01:17:04Go ahead. Shoot me.
01:17:07Right here on the shoulder would be good.
01:17:09That way I don't have to shoot myself.
01:17:11Drop the gun or I'll break his neck.
01:17:13You can't break his neck. It's too thick.
01:17:16I'll just twist until something bad happens.
01:17:20From where I'm sitting, he's super convincing.
01:17:23I bet he can do it quite easily.
01:17:26Drop it.
01:17:27Len, honey, listen to him. Put the gun down.
01:17:29You don't have a shot, just put it down.
01:17:31I do have a shot.
01:17:32Why are you arguing with me about this?
01:17:34Because you think you're always right and you're wrong about this, okay?
01:17:36I'm supposed to listen to you, someone who's never held a gun before, and I'm the know at all.
01:17:40You refuse to take risks. This is a prime example.
01:17:42You're the reason we're here. This is your fault.
01:17:44Guys.
01:17:45Do you really want to do this right now?
01:17:46Oh, my God. I wanted to go to the police.
01:17:48You were driving the car.
01:17:50I got kicked by a horse for you.
01:17:51You just ran from a dead body.
01:17:53You guys are so annoying.
01:17:54I am alone in this relationship.
01:17:56You watched my movie without asking me.
01:17:58Nobody cares about you.
01:17:59You sound like my parents.
01:18:00I understand what I'm doing for once.
01:18:01Be with me on something.
01:18:03One, two, three.
01:18:03Go.
01:18:09Javon, are you okay?
01:18:10Yeah.
01:18:15Oh, my God.
01:18:17Oh, my God.
01:18:49Thanks to you guys, we have the suspect in custody.
01:18:51You're safe now.
01:19:00You sure you're okay?
01:19:02Yeah, I'm okay. Are you?
01:19:03Yeah.
01:19:05You know, I knew you were going to do that one, two, three thing, even though it didn't work any
01:19:09other time.
01:19:11You did everything.
01:19:12You did?
01:19:12No, it was equal.
01:19:12You did?
01:19:13It was equal.
01:19:13You shot him.
01:19:14I know, don't.
01:19:15That was amazing.
01:19:16I'd rather forget that.
01:19:17Don't ever shoot anyone ever again.
01:19:18I will never shoot anyone ever again.
01:19:23What?
01:19:24I didn't say anything.
01:19:25I know that face.
01:19:27What face?
01:19:28It's the I want to kiss you face.
01:19:29No, no.
01:19:30Yes, it is.
01:19:31I don't want to kiss you.
01:19:32Oh.
01:19:33I don't.
01:19:34So, you very arrogant.
01:19:36Oh, gross.
01:19:37Wow, you want to kiss me so bad, like with tongue and everything.
01:19:41I can tell.
01:19:41You are projecting.
01:19:43Oh, okay.
01:19:43I think you want to kiss me.
01:19:44I want to kiss you.
01:19:45You want to kiss me, and you're like doing this now.
01:19:48Doing what?
01:19:48What am I doing?
01:19:52Nothing.
01:19:53Nothing by the way that you talk to me.
01:19:56Even when you're not around, I feel you calling it.
01:20:01Don't interrupt, lovebirds.
01:20:03I'm going to take you to the hospital.
01:20:04I'm going to check you out.
01:20:05Just protocol.
01:20:10The back of the ambulance sex is pretty freaky, right?
01:20:13I am so down.
01:20:15All right.
01:20:15Let's go.
01:20:17Are you going to try that move we saw in the orgy?
01:20:19Oh, I'm going to put in some work.
01:20:21You don't sound right. That's my thing.
01:20:32Run, everybody!
01:20:33Javon, I'm running!
01:20:34Holy shit, holy shit!
01:20:35They're right behind us!
01:20:36Let me leave. Let me get in front. Slow down!
01:20:38Run, run, run!
01:20:39Javon, I'm running!
01:20:39Don't tell me to run when I'm already running!
01:20:41Oh, my God! They're right down!
01:20:43Who's running? Who's running?
01:20:45This is London, England.
01:20:47Javon and Lelani lost valuable time
01:20:49after a heated argument about the metric system.
01:20:52With only two legs remaining,
01:20:54do they have what it takes to win the $1 million prize?
01:20:58We're actually doing it, Javon!
01:20:59I told you we could win the amazing race.
01:21:04Okay, for over 50 years,
01:21:06enthusiasts have gathered at Hyde Park to commemorate...
01:21:10Uh-uh.
01:21:10What?
01:21:16Oh, my God!
01:21:18Oh, my God!
01:21:21Paradise!
01:21:21They should feel like riding nice
01:21:25They should make me feel alive
01:21:29Feel like we in paradise
01:21:32Paradise
01:21:34Paradise
01:21:35Paradise
01:21:36Don't know if it's a drink or pour
01:21:40But I swear I've never loved you more
01:21:44With you right here, I come alive
01:21:47I'm all in it, we can fly
01:21:49That shit feel like
01:21:50I'm gonna die
01:21:51I'm feelin' it
01:21:53My head's wet
01:21:53This sealin' it
01:21:55Oh, yeah
01:21:55This energy
01:21:56Turns ice in the memory
01:21:58Got like the bands
01:21:59He been workin' all summer
01:22:00My ex didn't know what he had
01:22:02With a bummer
01:22:02Insecure people
01:22:03Turned to insecure lovers
01:22:04My drink is always out
01:22:05And I'm about to pour another
01:22:06Just let it out
01:22:08The night has just begun
01:22:10We on alert
01:22:11Oh, now
01:22:12If I get too fucked up
01:22:14Promise you'll hold
01:22:15Me down
01:22:16Yeah, this that shit you can't deny
01:22:18This that shit you feel inside
01:22:20It's our life, our time
01:22:22We livin' well
01:22:24Late nights in this city
01:22:26Caught in hell
01:22:28Burn this bitch into the ground
01:22:30Oh, well
01:22:31If all we got tonight
01:22:33Let's do this right
01:22:34Let's do this right
01:22:36Let's go to
01:22:37Paradise
01:22:40This shit feel like riding nice
01:22:44This shit make me feel alive
01:22:46I feel like we in paradise
01:22:51Paradise
01:22:53Paradise
01:22:53Paradise
01:22:55Don't know if it's a drink or porn
01:22:59But I swear I've never loved you more
01:23:03When you're right here, I come alive
01:23:06I'm all here than we can fly
01:23:07This shit feel like
01:23:09Paradise
01:23:25I see your body
01:23:26I'm grabbing your ass
01:23:27Enjoying the moment
01:23:28Cause life move too fast
01:23:29I'm looking forward
01:23:30Ignoring the past
01:23:31These are the times
01:23:32I will laugh looking back
01:23:33I'm getting lucky
01:23:34Like coins in the world
01:23:35The bottom of my haters
01:23:36I'm wishing you well
01:23:37This is my amen
01:23:38If you couldn't tell
01:23:39This is our life
01:23:40This is our life
01:23:40And we living it
01:23:41Well
01:23:43Late nights in this city
01:23:44Causing hell
01:23:47Burn this bitch into the ground
01:23:49Oh, well
01:23:50If all we got tonight
01:23:52Let's do this right
01:23:53Let's do this right
01:24:00Take care of me
01:24:00Bye
01:24:02Bye
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