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00:00:15Well, this ain't no Whoville, but it'll do.
00:00:21I got me enough vials to last me 12 days of Christmas.
00:00:26See this? It ain't no log. This is a human arm. Specifically, a fat man's. It burns nice, doesn't it?
00:00:39Surprising, huh?
00:00:41I keep a few of these arms dry aging throughout the year just because it's so nice during the winter.
00:00:47Stay armed, stay warm. That's what I always say.
00:00:55Well, I'd give you the season's greetings, but we don't have much, by the way, of seasons out here anymore.
00:01:02And we damn sure don't have any Santa Claus.
00:01:08My jaw hurts from talking, so why don't y'all stare at this fire for a little while?
00:01:15Now, if I fall asleep, make sure you tilt my head away from it.
00:01:22Yes, indeed. This is Mr. New Vegas coming to you live from my namesake, bringing you all your holiday favorites
00:01:32this Christmas season.
00:01:33Now, I hope it's warm and cozy where you are, and not because you're losing consciousness, unless, of course, that's
00:01:41what you want to do.
00:01:42We all cope with the horrors of life in our own chemical way.
00:01:48I'm taking your dedications all night and reading your Christmas greetings and heartwarming stories live on the air.
00:01:58Here's one from Bob in the former Arizona.
00:02:02He writes,
00:02:03My dog ran off on Christmas Eve, and I tell you, it was a repeat of the exact story of
00:02:10Christmas.
00:02:11Strangers came out of nowhere to help us look for him, just like the three kings from Orientar.
00:02:18I was working with them as one of the kings, and then God is the king of all kings, so
00:02:25we had five kings.
00:02:27But there were seven people total, two women and five men, so five kings.
00:02:34Two queens plus me plus God, that's nine kings total, including queens.
00:02:40And none of us knew where the heck this dog was.
00:02:44So I'm thinking, that's like the original Jesus from the story.
00:02:49The dog is the lost baby Jesus.
00:02:51So I'm starting to get very stressed out, because not only did I lose the dog, but the dog would
00:02:58tell me when somebody was coming.
00:03:00These people appear.
00:03:01They don't find him.
00:03:03Plus, they keep asking me if I have kings.
00:03:08And I do, but I'm not sharing.
00:03:10And I'm mad, and that's making me feel guilty.
00:03:14Yes, I have rage issues, but that explains why I can't part with the kings.
00:03:20They're medical.
00:03:21Anyways, it turns out the dog hadn't gone far.
00:03:24He heard me executing some people earlier, got scared, and hit on the panels.
00:03:30He eventually came back out when I started roasting one of the people I killed.
00:03:35Now, I wish I'd have figured that out before I executed all the other kings.
00:03:40But I did my best with the information I had at the time.
00:03:44Long story long, I didn't know I needed a dog to celebrate Christmas before I tried doing it without one.
00:03:53Isn't that pathetic?
00:03:55I hate myself.
00:03:58Thanks, Bob.
00:04:00Now, here's a holiday tune that'll soothe you faster than a blood-brain barrier full of gaseous skims.
00:04:08Happy New Year Люphique.
00:04:12Happy New Year!
00:04:15Happy New Year!
00:04:39We wish you a Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year.
00:04:45We all want some biggie food.
00:04:49We all want some biggie food.
00:04:52We all want some biggie food.
00:04:55Summer brings some summer heat.
00:04:57We all have names we bring to you and your king.
00:05:04We wish you a Merry Christmas a Happy New Year.
00:05:10We won't go until we get to you and your king.
00:05:14We won't go until we get to you and your king.
00:05:28We wish you a man for the rest of us are happy
00:05:35Have, have, have, haven't we?
00:05:39Have, have, have, haven't we?
00:05:42Have, have, have, haven't we?
00:06:20Have, have, have, haven't we?
00:06:46Have, have, have, haven't we?
00:06:58Have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have,
00:07:02have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have,
00:07:06have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have,
00:07:08have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have,
00:07:11have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have,
00:07:14have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have, have
00:07:25How I love the scent of pine
00:07:31And snowy Christmas postcards
00:07:37How they decorate my mind
00:07:43Yes, I'm like a kid at Christmas
00:07:47Cause it still gives me a thrill
00:07:54When I feel the spirit of goodwill
00:08:06Oh, I'm like a kid at Christmas
00:08:12How I love the call of choirs
00:08:19And kiss unwrapped by a loved one girl
00:08:26By a blazing fire
00:08:31Yes, I'm like a kid at Christmas
00:08:37Cause it still gives me a thrill
00:08:43When I feel the spirit of goodwill
00:08:56Have yourself a holiday
00:09:02Have yourself a happy day
00:09:06Yes, I love the Christmas feel
00:09:12Of goodwill
00:09:19Now I know that you love Christmas
00:09:26Oh, white with falling snow
00:09:32A tree with all the trimmings
00:09:37A touch of mistletoe
00:09:44And like a kid at Christmas
00:09:50How I gotta wish it's true
00:09:55Oh, how I love to spend my Christmas
00:10:02With you
00:10:09Have yourself a holiday
00:10:15Have yourself a happy day
00:10:22Have yourself a holiday
00:10:27Have yourself a happy day
00:10:33Have yourself a holiday
00:10:39Have yourself a holiday
00:10:52Have yourself a happy day
00:11:01Hi, I'm DJ Mr. New Vegas
00:11:05And picturing you sit there
00:11:07Listening, lounging in your lingerie
00:11:10Sets my imagination to spinning 45 RPM
00:11:14Here's a tune
00:11:15On
00:11:17On
00:14:20Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry Merry
00:14:46Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, children playing in the snow, Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas,
00:14:58Christmas coming soon, Merry, Merry Christmas, everywhere there's so much joy, Merry, Merry,
00:15:16Merry, Merry Christmas, Santa's coming soon, Santa's coming, oh, oh, oh, Santa's coming soon, Santa's coming, oh, oh, oh.
00:15:30You know, I love listening to these old sides, but not as much as I love listening to your stories.
00:15:37I want to hear from you.
00:15:39Here's a little holiday yarn from Sluggish Rex, who writes in from the Siltlands with this reminiscence.
00:15:48People might complain about Christmas in the wastelands, but it's better than in the vaults.
00:15:55Trust me, I celebrated Christmas in a vault last year, and it sucked.
00:16:00They were doing this whole Christmas in Hawaii thing, and it was tacky and pathetic.
00:16:06They were like, hey there, try this Kulao pork, and then they gave me a cocktail weenie.
00:16:12That's pretty disappointing.
00:16:15Even though I hadn't been around people in years, I could still tell this is lame.
00:16:20I guess that's kind of a gift at Christmas, knowing that you're a more interesting person than 100% of
00:16:28the vaulties.
00:16:29That does make me feel like I've got the ear of Santa.
00:16:32So Santa, if you're listening, bring back the real Kulao pork.
00:16:38We've all seen these giant pig creatures roaming the wasteland.
00:16:42I'm pretty sure I have, or at least the dust clouds they kick up.
00:16:46What say us, all listeners, band together, having a hunting party, half of us can dig huge holes, fill it
00:16:55with these kinds of hot rocks that they have now that never cool off, and see if we can't get
00:17:01that sucker tasting like some Kulao.
00:17:04I'll test it, I promise.
00:17:07You can watch and see if my face sprouts tumors instantly, like when they started growing corn again.
00:17:14Sounds good to me, sluggins.
00:17:16I'll be first in line to join your hunting party.
00:17:20Now, who recognizes this classic holiday tune?
00:17:35Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
00:17:39Oh, what fun it is to ride in one more soap and sleigh.
00:17:44Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
00:17:48Oh, what fun it is to ride in one more soap and sleigh.
00:17:53Dashing through the snow, in one more soap and sleigh.
00:17:57O'er the fields we go, laughing all the way.
00:18:02Bells on bobtails ring, making spirits bright.
00:18:07What fun it is to ride in one more soap and sleigh.
00:18:11Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
00:18:16Oh, what fun it is to ride in one more soap and sleigh.
00:18:20Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
00:18:25Oh, what fun it is to ride in one more soap and sleigh.
00:18:29A day or two ago, I thought I took a ride.
00:18:34And soon Miss Fanny bright, seated by my side.
00:18:39The horse was lean in length, misfortune seemed his lot.
00:18:43He got into a drifted bank and wing, he got a spot.
00:18:48Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
00:18:52Oh, what fun it is to ride in one more soap and sleigh.
00:18:57Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.
00:19:01Oh, what fun it is to ride in one more soap and sleigh.
00:19:06Oh, what fun it is to ride in one more soap and sleigh.
00:19:33Oh, little town of Bethlehem.
00:19:40How still he sees me lie.
00:19:47Off of thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go from.
00:20:00Yet in thy dark streets shineth the everlasting light.
00:20:14The hopes and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:20:37The hope and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:20:56The hope and fears of all things are meant to be today.
00:21:10The hope and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:21:26The hope and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:21:38The hope and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:21:56The hope and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:22:18The hope and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:22:31The hope and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:22:53The hope and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:23:26The hope and fears of all things are meant to be tonight.
00:23:44It's a rockin' holiday, it's a rockin' holiday, a rockin' holiday.
00:23:53It's a rockin' holiday, a rockin' holiday.
00:24:00Let's make another snowman.
00:24:04We use a carry for his nose.
00:24:08All his cringles on his way and cells are covered with snow.
00:24:13It's a rockin' holiday, a rockin' holiday.
00:24:20It's a rockin' holiday, a rockin' holiday.
00:24:27It's a rockin' holiday, yeah, a rockin' holiday.
00:24:34It's a rockin' holiday, a rockin' holiday.
00:24:41It's a rockin' holiday.
00:24:43Have a good day!
00:25:37Thank you very much.
00:25:48Thank you very much.
00:26:25Thank you very much.
00:26:53Thank you very much.
00:27:35Thank you very much.
00:28:08Thank you very much.
00:28:29Thank you very much.
00:28:46Thank you very much.
00:29:45Thank you very much.
00:30:04Thank you very much.
00:36:17So here's a letter from Angry Ron.
00:36:20Ron says, I'm angry because it's the same Christmas songs every year.
00:36:26They don't do anything for me anymore.
00:36:29How do Christmas songs about some baby 5,000 miles away pertain to my life?
00:36:35I respond to art that speaks to my experience.
00:36:40Please play some contemporary rap made in the wasteland.
00:36:45I'm sorry, Ron.
00:36:47You may be angry, but these songs are the only ones we have here in the station.
00:36:52The rest all perished in fires that were pillaged by bandits.
00:36:56And so now for the fifth time tonight, God rest ye merry gentlemen.
00:37:31We're welcome.
00:52:56Silent night, holy night
00:53:03All is calm, all is bright
00:53:11Round yon virgin, mother and child
00:53:21Holy infant, so tender and mild
00:53:27Sleep in heavenly peace
00:53:37Sleep in heavenly peace
00:53:50Silent night, holy night
00:53:58Shepherds quake at the sight
00:54:06Glories stream from heaven afar
00:54:14Heavenly hosts sing hallelujah
00:54:19Christ the Savior is born
00:54:30Christ the Savior is born
00:54:42Silent night, holy night
00:54:49Son of God, love's pure light
00:54:57Radiant beams from thy holy face
00:55:04With the dawn of redeeming grace
00:55:12Jesus, Lord, at thy birth
00:55:23Jesus, Lord, at thy birth
00:55:29Jesus, Lord, at thy birth
00:55:39Jesus, Lord, at thy birth
00:55:56George Washington Thizz from Sandy Gultz writes
00:56:00War never changes, neither does Christmas
00:56:03Same songs every year, you ever notice that?
00:56:07I happen to like it, George
00:56:09You know, living in a place where you never really know where you are
00:56:14Because you're surrounded by shifting sand dunes
00:56:18I find Christmas songs are like wayfinding stars to guide my year by
00:56:24If I hear them, I know Christmas can't be far away
00:56:41Angels we have heard on high
00:56:44Sweetly singing all the plains
00:56:47And the mountains in reply
00:56:50Echo back the joyous strains
00:56:53Glory in excelsis Deo
00:57:01Glory in excelsis Deo
00:57:18Glory in excelsis Deo
00:57:36Gloria in excelsis Deo
00:57:41Gloria in excelsis Deo
00:57:49In excelsis Deo
00:57:53Gloria
00:58:11In excelsis Deo
00:58:19Gloria
00:58:20In excelsis Deo
00:58:23In excelsis Deo
00:58:26In excelsis Deo
00:58:30In excelsis Deo
00:58:50In excelsis Deo
00:58:51Santa Claus, don't be late
00:58:53On Christmas Eve
00:58:55What thing that old Rudolph finds his way
00:59:00Santa, I can hardly wait for Christmas Eve
00:59:04So you better bring lots of presents in your smile
00:59:09Please
00:59:10Santa Claus, I've been waiting so long for you
00:59:15Come and visit me on Christmas Eve
00:59:20So I hope you'll drop on by as you ride across the sky
00:59:25And I'll pretend to be fast asleep
00:59:31Santa Claus, don't be late
00:59:33On Christmas Eve
00:59:35Hoping that old Rudolph finds his way
00:59:41Santa, I can hardly wait for Christmas Eve
00:59:45You better bring lots of presents in your smile
00:59:50Please
01:00:12Santa Claus, don't be late on Christmas Eve
01:00:17Hoping that old Rudolph finds his way
01:00:22Santa, I can hardly wait for Christmas Eve
01:00:25Santa, I can hardly wait for Christmas Eve
01:00:27So you better bring lots of presents in your smile
01:00:30Please
01:00:32Hope you'll drop on by as you ride across the sky
01:00:37And I'll pretend to be fast asleep
01:00:57This is DJ Mr. New Vegas
01:01:00I love your style
01:01:02I'm attracted to you
01:01:04Understand?
01:01:15Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
01:01:20Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:01:25Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
01:01:29Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:01:36Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells
01:01:38Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:01:47Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way
01:01:56Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:02:01Hey, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way
01:02:05Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:02:11Oh, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way
01:02:21Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:02:31Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way
01:02:39Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:03:09Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:03:13Oh, the fields he grows, laughing all the way
01:03:18Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:03:32Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:03:36Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:03:50Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:03:58Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:04:01Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh
01:04:28Until the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even
01:04:33Brightly shone the moon that night, though the thrust was cruel
01:04:37When a poor man came inside
01:04:40Gathering with a fuel
01:04:53Bring me flesh and bring me wine
01:04:56Bring me pine locks hither
01:04:58Thou and I will see him die
01:05:01When we bear them hither
01:05:03Page and monarch forth they went
01:05:06For they went together
01:05:08Through the ruins, wild lament
01:05:10And the bitter weather
01:05:42actory music plays
01:05:43On thelishedmäßes recordedrocity
01:05:50Sound change
01:05:51Sound change
01:05:56Sound change
01:05:56TVs with
01:05:57floorarks sliders
01:05:57Sound change Sound
01:06:04change heard
01:06:20Good King, Wednesdays, last week's time, on the feast of Stephen, when the snow lay round about, deep and crisp
01:06:28and even, bright and shone the moon that night, though the thrust was cooler.
01:06:34When a poor man came in sight, gathering winter fuel.
01:06:56And here's a letter from a long-time listener, P, from D.E.
01:07:00He says, every year I listen to your show, thank you, Pete, and I reflect on the people I spent
01:07:08prior Christmases with, killing or eating.
01:07:12Like Jimmy Kane, who went caroling with me in order to distract our marks while we robbed him.
01:07:20He got a little handsy with his half of the take.
01:07:23So I had to put a bullet in his brain.
01:07:27Or Melissa, who used to deck the halls in a major way, filling our collapsed shipping container with all manner
01:07:36of radioactive glowing bugs in a Christmas-spirited style.
01:07:40She got bad tumors, had to put her out of her misery.
01:07:46And how could I forget Big Sarah, who captained the merry sleigh when we hitched our gear to some angry
01:07:55Brahmins and made it more than a hundred miles across the wasteland together.
01:08:00She didn't say thank you enough, so I had to put a bullet in her brain also.
01:08:06But I think about her often because of just how long I spent drying and eventually devouring all of her
01:08:15copious leg meat.
01:08:17She had huge, great legs.
01:08:20Now, I don't mean that in a sexy way, just in a hungry way.
01:08:23I found a large cyst on one of her legs, and there was a full tooth growing in it.
01:08:30Please play Angels We Have Heard on High for me.
01:08:42Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches.
01:08:55Your boughs are green in summertime, and through the snows of wintertime.
01:09:01Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches.
01:09:14Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, what happiness you're bringing.
01:09:21Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, what happiness you're bringing.
01:09:33Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, your beauty tree will teach me.
01:09:55Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, what happiness you're bringing.
01:10:05Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas
01:10:15tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh,
01:10:17Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree,
01:10:17oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas
01:10:17tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh,
01:10:18Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree,
01:10:20oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh
01:17:58crawl space. I wish I could see snow that wasn't just radioactive metal flaking off some burning
01:18:05husk. I remember the snow when it used to come out of the, uh, what's it called? Cloud. I was
01:18:13trying to remember what sledding it was like, but for some reason, all I can think of when I
01:18:19think of sleds is just skin slothing off charred corpses and broken bones. Like last year, I thought
01:18:26I saw snow, but it was actually a whole ton of termites all flying out of some barn. Whatever
01:18:34was in that barn must have been even worse than a plague of termites. I find myself thinking this
01:18:42way now. We all do, Ted. Merry Christmas. Suck down some chems and see if you can't forget all about
01:18:51your circumstances.
01:19:01Let's share a special gift this Christmas. Love that we'll share from this day on. Then
01:19:16seal our gift of love with kisses while being wrapped up in each other's arms. Let's exchange
01:19:31kisses this Christmas. Your kiss will be a gift to top them all. Hey, let's exchange kisses.
01:19:46kisses this Christmas. This Christmas. Our love will keep us warm till Santa Claus. This is the friendliest of seasons.
01:20:05For one and all a festive time. Love's all around and that's
01:20:16kisses the reason. Our love is all about to celebrate. ersten to fill out the
01:20:23season. The 10-year-oldest of steroids with chips and hundreds of Ninieriieni's
01:20:38driver and a violent children's driver as well. First of all, if you?'
01:20:43This Christmas
01:20:46Our love will keep us warm
01:20:50Till Santa Claus
01:20:54We just might wait
01:20:58Near the mistletoe
01:21:01To be face to face
01:21:04For the best thrill we know
01:21:09Let's exchange kisses
01:21:12This Christmas
01:21:15Your kiss will be the gift
01:21:19To top them all
01:21:23Let's exchange kisses
01:21:26This Christmas
01:21:29Our love will keep us warm
01:21:33Till Santa Claus
01:21:37This love we feel today
01:21:40Would never go away
01:21:44If we share Christmas kisses
01:21:48Every day
01:21:49Every day
01:22:17Zoe
01:22:19And we don't understand
01:22:21It will never go away
01:22:30Everything
01:22:31I shocked
01:22:32And we'll be having itẳng
01:22:32A hospital To
01:22:32Well Of
01:29:11And that's it for me, kids.
01:29:14Stay alive out there.
01:29:16I'm technically not.
01:29:19It's Mr. New Vegas signing off.
01:29:22A Merry Christmas.
01:29:24A Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
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