00:01Oh, what a good boy you are, dear God.
00:05Judy, how much product do you use?
00:07None.
00:08It's like this when I wake up.
00:14I'm gonna give you a physical
00:16that you ain't never gonna forget.
00:19That's naughty.
00:22That's me, Dr. John Dorian.
00:25My friends call me JD.
00:27I'm an intern at a hospital that could use a little therapy.
00:30I'm watching you.
00:32In fact, sometimes things around here are so strange.
00:36I can't believe your head exploded.
00:38They could make a TV show about it.
00:40They could call it Scrub.
00:43Nah, my job is right here.
00:47Saving lives at Sacred Heart.
00:48How's it going?
00:50I'm 37 years old and I'm a janitor.
00:52How do you think it's going?
00:53I wasn't always a great doctor, though.
00:55I mean, when I first got here, I was a basket date.
00:59Did you not realize that you're nothing but a large pair of scrubs to me?
01:04But now I'm at the top of my game
01:06and I have everything under control.
01:09Okay, whose breasts haven't I signed yet?
01:10That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
01:14My best friend at the hospital is Dr. Chris Turk.
01:19Take those out.
01:20He's confident.
01:21Baby, I was being a walrus.
01:22Capable.
01:23Let's do this.
01:25The epitome of Hippocratic professionalism.
01:28What comes before part B?
01:30Party!
01:32Chris Turk is also my roommate.
01:35Turk's always looking out for me.
01:36Turk, you want to go hang out in your room?
01:41And then there's my leading lady at Sacred Heart, Dr. Elliot Reed.
01:45When did you meet Morgan Freeman?
01:47That's my mom.
01:49I like her fruckles.
01:53Jeez!
01:53Elliot and I occasionally have the hots for each other.
01:56And occasionally not.
01:58Am I stupid?
01:59Yeah, a little bit.
02:01Elliot is my dream girl.
02:03Uh, my other dream girl.
02:06Meet my mentor, Dr. Perry Cox.
02:08If I ask you a question that doesn't specifically deal with a medical issue,
02:12you can bet your powdered bottom that I don't want you to answer.
02:15It's like working with a monkey.
02:18Dr. Cox and I, we really connect.
02:20Is that all you got?
02:21What?
02:23Good one.
02:24I'm kind of like his protege.
02:26Oh, good.
02:26Noobie, you found a specialty.
02:28This is my safety net.
02:30Nurse Carla Espinoza.
02:31Dumbest man I ever laid eyes on.
02:33The greatest thing about Carla is I always know I can count on her to be the bad guy.
02:37I'm not the kind of person who likes telling people what to do,
02:40but here's what you should do.
02:41Here's what I think.
02:43Here's what your problem is.
02:44And finally, there's Dr. Bob Kelso.
02:48Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet
02:52and may in fact be Satan himself.
02:56Now on the outside, it might seem like he's a heartless, cynical monster.
02:59Get your ass back down there!
03:01But that's because on the inside...
03:02See you in hell.
03:03...he's a heartless, cynical monster.
03:06Oh, no.
03:07Now I have to go buy flowers to make it right.
03:10There you have it.
03:11My colleagues and patients here at Sacred Heart Hospital.
03:14You seem unhappy.
03:15I like that.
03:16They say laughter is the best medicine.
03:18Ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:19Ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:20Well, do yourself a favor and check into Sacred Heart.
03:24You know people die here.
03:25Thanks for watching.
03:26And now for the obligatory music montage.
03:29Yes!
03:30Yes!
03:33Don't look at me when we're moving so long.
03:36Everybody say, ah, oh, ah.
03:39Help me to help you.
03:41Help me to help you.
03:42Help me to help you.
03:43You're stupid.
03:45That's it?
03:46Give it time.
03:49To the new Razor Dance.
03:51Here, here.
03:51Ha, ha, ha.
03:52Beep.
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