00:01Sting on?
00:04Do you know what you guys are?
00:08You're alchemists.
00:10You create pleasure from pain.
00:13And that is a virtuous gift, my friend.
00:15Mexicans clean the inside of the house.
00:17We clean the outside of the house.
00:19We build the house.
00:20That's why we're always saying mi casa e su casa.
00:23We're being ironic.
00:27If you want to make it in comedy,
00:28there's only one place to do that in L.A.,
00:30and that's Goldie's.
00:31I feel like animals have it the best.
00:32Two dogs meet, sniff here, sniff there,
00:34they get to have sex,
00:35and then it's right back to chasing squirrels.
00:38They got mommy issues, they got daddy issues.
00:41I nurse these kids.
00:43They latch on and don't let go
00:44till I tell them when.
00:49How did you get Carson?
00:50Well, Bill, unlike you, I'm really fucking funny.
00:56You seen this crowd?
00:57If you can't handle it, I'll warm them up for you.
00:59Can't you ever try to be just a little bit better
01:01than you were the day before once?
01:04So we need jobs.
01:06We're gonna keep enjoying this extravagant lifestyle
01:08of living in a closet and eating stolen snack food.
01:12Now you know that should be you up there, right?
01:14Goldie says all the greats take the steps,
01:16not the fucking elevator.
01:17In this business, you wait too long.
01:20You wait tables.
01:21Money is your enemy.
01:24That hunger, that desire,
01:27that's what gives you fuckers awake.
01:30All that excitement, blood, tears,
01:34and excruciating pain,
01:36all of it for measly 15 minutes.
01:39Some nights you kill, some nights you bomb.
01:41My parents died in a car crash when I was 10.
01:45That was the Hiroshima of bombing.
01:49There's some reason you keep coming back.
01:52The connections I've nurtured,
01:54the careers I've made,
01:55I own this motherfucking strength.
02:00Do you believe in me?
02:02Most leaps of faith are often preceded by a shove.
02:08It's about money, fame,
02:11and getting laid by women way out of our league.
02:14So wake up, be funny.
02:18All right, thank you folks.
02:19You've been a slightly above average threat.
02:22That's it, the end.
02:27I say.
02:45I say.
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