- 8 anni fa
Well, here's an absolute travesty of a movie, from start to finish. Suicide Squad has so many sins, I considered quitting. This movie is just... bad. And her...
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00:27Sous-titrage ST' 501
00:30Sous-titrage ST' 501
01:00This sounds like something a person would say who hadn't seen Man of Steel in Batman v Superman,
01:03at least if our values include not murdering thousands of innocent civilians.
01:07You're not gonna pitch us that Task Force X project of yours again, are you?
01:11You guys didn't discuss this before you set up this meeting at the swanky restaurant?
01:14Floyd Lawton, aka Deadshot.
01:17We saw Deadpool and decided it wanted some of that sweet, sweet graphic credits love,
01:20only in the process it forgot to be funny,
01:22so we're left with stylized character introductions without soul.
01:25This movie introduced us to both Deadshot and Harley Quinn in the first minute,
01:28but now we're getting second introductions of them before we've even gotten to the new characters yet.
01:32Seems like this movie could have started with Viola Davis and cut out all the creepy guard bulls**t.
01:35Is Deadshot great with guns because he naturally has amazing hand-eye coordination,
01:39or is it because he has this incredible scope that lines everything up for him?
01:42I just gave an anonymous tip to the right guy in Gotham City.
01:45An anonymous tip about f***ing what?
01:46If you followed his daughter to get him, why didn't you arrest him on your own?
01:49This just seems like a spot where you wanted to introduce Batman into the movie.
01:52Where'd you put him?
01:53Let's just say I put him in a hole and threw away the hole.
01:56Well, no, he's in a regular-ass maximum security cell.
01:59That line makes it sound like you parallaxed him.
02:00First off, the murder of Robin is played like some trifling thing that we get a blip of text about.
02:04Second off, this is the second movie in the DCU this year to hint at a Robin dies story
02:09that would have been way better than the two movies we actually got.
02:11She thought she was curing him, but she was falling in love.
02:15But why?
02:15Because he's so handsome?
02:16Or because she never should have been certified to treat asylum patients in the first place
02:20due to her own insanity.
02:21I need a machine gun.
02:22Even though she fell for him, it's still kind of hard to believe she got him a machine gun.
02:25I'm just gonna hurt you.
02:28Really, really bad.
02:31Badly.
02:32Badly.
02:32Jesus, it's like playing cards with my sister's kids.
02:34Joker has his girlfriend strip dancing in this club.
02:37Seemingly only to invite fools to covet her too much or call her a bad b***h so Joker can kill
02:41them.
02:42At the risk of sounding doubly sexist, if you're this jealous, why let your lady strip dance in the club,
02:46yo?
02:46Wow, for a major metropolitan city, Gotham's river has some clean-ass water.
02:50Also, Joker flat-out abandoned his woman to save his own skin.
02:53That may be in character for him, but it's still a dick move worthy of sinning.
02:56Also, somehow Joker managed to crash this car into the water, find a way out of the car,
03:00and swim out of the view of f***ing Batman before Batman jumped into the water.
03:03Which, if you recall, was right after they crashed.
03:05I don't care how crazy you are, there is no way you can somehow crash into the water,
03:08then have the wherewithal to pull out your knife and fake unconsciousness for future Batman killing.
03:12After being threatened by a tiny knife from a woman that's trapped in a drowned car,
03:15Batman decides the best course of action is to treat her like the producers of this movie treat the audience.
03:20And then there's the Aussie.
03:21Hugh Jackman?
03:22Mel Gibson?
03:22Crocodile Dundee?
03:23Digger Hartness.
03:24The problem with doing a comic book movie where the general public only knows, like, one of your major characters
03:28is that you end up wasting the first third of your film doing stupid introduction montages.
03:32Aw, they dragged Tom Hardy into this, didn't they?
03:34No, wait, they hired Jai Courtney into this, didn't they?
03:37The Flash shows up to thwart this one burglar.
03:39I'm sure there was better use of his time, and I have no idea how he knew this place was
03:42being robbed,
03:43but franchise gotta franchise, yo.
03:44Movie contains approximately 32 gratuitous shots of steak eating.
03:47This is but one of them.
03:49These constant close-ups of eating are symptomatic of a fetish at this point.
03:52Archaeologist Dr. June Moon.
03:54June Moon?
03:55June Moon?
03:56Why not Mary Glary, or Pam Sham, or Lucy Goosey?
03:59She opened something she shouldn't have.
04:01Something evil that, like Parallax, had been buried slightly in the Earth,
04:04but not really all that hidden so as to keep anyone from ever finding it.
04:07Also, is everyone with a PhD in this movie unprofessional?
04:10We've got psychologist Harley Quinn falling in love with the Joker, of all people,
04:13and now we have Dr. June Moon deciding to crack open a statue she finds during some sort of solo
04:17archaeological dig.
04:18Also, this witch character is almost exactly the same thing as Apocalypse in the X-Men movie that came out
04:22this year.
04:23Some say the witch has a secret buried heart, and whoever finds it can control the witch.
04:27Which she conveniently left behind after being released from her statue for some reason.
04:31Also, this whole thing brings up more questions than it answers.
04:34Like, how did you first run into Enchantress?
04:36What was she doing that alerted you to her presence?
04:38And if so, how did she not already take over the world with her powers yet?
04:41How did you know she came from this remote jungle since Dr. Moon explored this cave by herself?
04:45Every character in this movie has a backstory that lets you in on what they were doing at the time
04:48they were caught.
04:49On this one, we have to take it on blind faith.
04:51You want to put our national security in the hands of witches, gangbangers, and crocodiles.
04:57This guy would be excellent at CinemaSins.
04:59Colonel Rick Flag.
05:00Almost 20 minutes in, still introducing characters.
05:02I assigned him to watch Dr. Moon, and just as I hoped, it got personal.
05:07I left everything to chance, see? And it worked brilliantly.
05:09I have the witch's heart. And Dr. Moon has his. Now he'll follow my orders as Holy Writ.
05:16Yeah, so that's how you got him to follow your orders. But that doesn't mean you can get all these
05:19other people to follow them.
05:20Are you going to find a few more love witches to control Deadshot, Diablo, and Jai Courtney?
05:24Flying men and monsters. This is the only way to protect our country.
05:27I have heard your proposal, and it still sounds pretty stupid to me.
05:30Let's get a whole bunch of untrustworthy people, some of which have minor powers and others who simply have tremendous
05:34human skill,
05:35to try and fight something like Colossus. Sure, that'll work.
05:38Also, patently false.
05:40You've already seen the Batman bring in, like, half these metahuman villains anyway, right?
05:43And Superman still exists. Pretend dead as he may be for now.
05:46The only way? The only way?
05:48In case you confused it for the Pentagon Cleveland.
05:50What if Superman had decided to fly down, rip off the roof of the White House?
05:56Who would have stopped him?
05:57A bunch of psychotic supervillains turned government heroes, of course.
06:00I want to build a team of some very bad people who I think can do some good.
06:04No. The end.
06:05The next war will be fought with these metahumans.
06:07Some of these villains aren't metahumans, though, right?
06:09Am I missing something?
06:10Got a guy on this team who robbed banks.
06:12Two guys who are good with weapons.
06:14Then there's a guy who can set fires with his hands,
06:16but that only makes him marginally better than a nine-year-old Drew Barrymore.
06:19Even though we can't control these people.
06:21Amanda will now demonstrate how she can control this one person who was possessed by a witch
06:24and translate that into controlling everybody.
06:26As we see Dr. Moon turn into Enchantress,
06:28I will once again ask how she was possessed by this witch in the first place,
06:31but was able to control it enough to get back to the States,
06:33blab about it, and be compromised.
06:35Enchantress has the power to instantly teleport to Iran and steal plans from a vault,
06:39but not to steal her heart back so that Amanda can't control her.
06:41And sure, later they show the case has some sort of sensor on it,
06:44but that seems to be where the case is closed and otherwise unguarded.
06:47Not that this should matter to a witch who can transport instantly to wherever she wants.
06:50I move to, uh, authorize Amanda Warren to establish task force acts.
06:55Maybe just the witch.
06:56All we really need is the witch, I think.
06:58Yo, SA! Hola, amigo!
07:00Put that burrito down, you-
07:01That's triple racist.
07:02Movie repeats itself down to the stupid close-up of Diablo
07:05they showed just before the wide shot of all his destruction.
07:07They say you never missed a shot.
07:09Prove it.
07:10Because whoever they are, I definitely don't trust them.
07:12Deadshot is definitely awesome at shooting,
07:13and no one should doubt he'd be great in a gun battle.
07:16But are you telling me there's nobody on this earth who isn't a criminal
07:18who can get at least close to what he's doing here?
07:22Psychotic, antisocial freaks.
07:23It makes no sense.
07:24Rick Flagg would also be excellent at CinemaSense.
07:26This movie is full of people who should be working for us.
07:28But without you minding her, your lady friend stays hand-strapped to a board in a drug-induced coma.
07:33This movie literally has no good guess.
07:35While I do believe Joker is OCD enough to create this circle of knives,
07:38this is clearly a case of someone thought of a cool-looking shot,
07:40so they put it in the movie even if it didn't make sense.
07:42This is worse than V for Vendetta's dominoes.
07:44In the previous scene, Joker's henchmen only knew that people were being taken to a black site,
07:47and that's all he knew,
07:48to finding the main guy who guards there and compromising him.
07:51Patriot Suites Hotel is totally-
07:53Holy God, lightning over the Washington Monument is lightning!
07:55Hogging the bed.
07:56I can hear the director on set.
07:58Okay, walk to the window.
07:59Look out pensively.
08:00Now nosh on that chicken leg like it's your last meal.
08:03And cut!
08:04Perfect!
08:04Rick Flagg is calling, but her phone is on silent for some reason,
08:07even though she's worried enough to keep her gun nearby.
08:10Who's my...
08:10Oh.
08:11Amanda brings Enchantress's brother statue with her wherever she goes, apparently.
08:14I'm the first.
08:16I'm the first.
08:16I'm the first.
08:17I'm the first.
08:18I'm the first.
08:19I'm the first.
08:19I'm the first.
08:20Wait, what?
08:21Since they worship something, that something has to destroy them?
08:24Couldn't she destroy the world in a million other ways that aren't nearly as fallible?
08:28I still don't know how this witch possession works.
08:30These subway cars are being incinerated,
08:32yet random people are running past all this on the subway platform without being affected by it whatsoever.
08:36The first non-human entity ever attacks Midway City.
08:39And instead of calling Batman, who we apparently hate because he's a vigilante,
08:42we call the Suicide Squad, entirely made up of law-breaking dickholes.
08:45Makes sense.
08:46Also, this is exactly what we created Task Force X for.
08:49To protect us against the witch, we put on Task Force X.
08:51Joker found the facility where they make the nanite explosives that are shot into the Suicide Squad's necks.
08:56Also, he can save his girlfriend.
08:57He got that information from Griggs, the sleazy security guard at the prison facility.
09:00But how the f*** did he know where they made that s***?
09:02That's like asking an employee at McDonald's,
09:04where's the cattle for these burgers raised?
09:06And then them telling you the exact ranch where they're kept.
09:08A few things here.
09:09Sure, they broke into the lab,
09:10but why would they be able to hack into the government's stuff just because they did that?
09:14And wouldn't this lab, which is a company owned by Wayne Enterprises,
09:17report they got robbed?
09:18Or Batman would find out they got robbed,
09:19and he'd tell the government about the security breach?
09:21So, having Enchantress's heart really doesn't mean s***
09:23when her brother can just do this, right?
09:25But now you are,
09:27if there's a Suvius,
09:28am near.
09:29We won't define how much power that is,
09:31or if you sharing it makes you any weaker,
09:32but just roll with it.
09:33And lo, the unexplained goddess did thusly begin her equally unexplained plan
09:37to build an unexplained machine to wipe out someone.
09:40And lo, and such.
09:41I saw this movie before.
09:43It was called Man of Steel in Independence Day 2,
09:45with a sprinkle of Spider-Man 2.
09:46I saw it at the Museum of Modern Bulls***.
09:50So, we're sending in the fire guy,
09:51the crocodile guy,
09:52the crazy chick,
09:53and the guy who shoots lots of bullets.
09:54We're pretty sure this will work somehow.
09:57What on earth would make you think that?
09:59This event happened a few minutes ago,
10:00and everything you've tried so far has been hilariously inept.
10:02The voices.
10:05I'm kidding.
10:06Jeez.
10:08That's not what they really said.
10:09The voices really said to abandon the Brooklyn accent
10:11she'd previously had for a few scenes.
10:13Military dude uses a knife to cut open this sack
10:15when there's a perfectly good zipper right there.
10:17Here comes Slipknot,
10:18the man who can climb anything.
10:20That is literally all the character development
10:22this movie will give this asshole
10:23before killing him suddenly.
10:24But even if that hadn't been the case,
10:25I'd ascend the fact that the great climber guy
10:27was named like he's an unkeepable prisoner.
10:28What do climbing walls and slipping knots
10:30have to do with one another?
10:31Also, I got a guy who can climb.
10:33That's his power?
10:34Superman, heat your heart out.
10:35Your next injection you got
10:38is a nanite explosive.
10:39It seems to me that Amanda could have simply told
10:41the powers that be
10:42that she would stick a nanite explosive
10:44in their necks to control this task force
10:45rather than going with the
10:47I've got enchantress's heart
10:48so their method of convincing the government
10:49about her power.
10:50If they didn't understand the nanite explosive thing,
10:52she could have simply said
10:53I'm basically ripping off Escape from New York
10:54and that would have been the end of it.
10:58Apparently John Williams was unavailable
10:59to score this movie
11:00so instead they let a 10th grader
11:01that was high on Mushrooms
11:02randomly pick the soundtrack.
11:04What, we some kind of suicide squad?
11:06This is the most role-creditsing role-credits
11:08that has ever creditsed.
11:09You're late.
11:10Yo got that.
11:11This last-minute chick gets a rushed flashback backstory
11:13and movie thinks I'm gonna give a shit about her
11:15and movie is wrong.
11:16This is Katana.
11:17Of course that's her name.
11:18Any relation to the Mortal Kombat Katana?
11:20Her sword traps the souls of its victims.
11:23Sounds like we should have recruited her
11:24for this task force
11:25rather than a bunch of criminals.
11:27It's great the Joker is coming for her
11:28but where did she hide this phone during this?
11:30And how the hell did Flag allow these prisoner soldiers
11:33to go on search
11:33between the prison and the start of their mission?
11:35That's bad soldiering right there, it tells ya.
11:37Relax, this is only the third least believable
11:39survivable helicopter crash in this movie.
11:42Slipknot introduced a mere eight minutes ago
11:44is already did.
11:45Movie offers a new entry
11:46into the most useless and forgettable villains
11:48for the good guys to mow down contest.
11:50Instantly challenging the Kree from the Avengers
11:52and the zombies from I Am Legend.
11:53These faceless creatures are dragging Flag somewhere
11:55instead of just killing him
11:56because they know they need to give Deadshot
11:58or somebody time to save him.
11:59No doubt Deadshot is badass
12:00but I don't see why a bunch of trained soldiers
12:02can't do this very same thing.
12:03These random monsters that just appeared out of nowhere
12:05and have never been explained in the movie
12:07are proof they need Deadshot
12:08but I'm not buying it.
12:09She kisses him and he becomes a black bubbly soldier.
12:11My question is
12:12did she kiss every one of the dozens of black bubble heads
12:14we just saw Deadshot kill in the previous scene?
12:16Cause that's a lot of kissing.
12:17These mannequins perfectly represent
12:18the relationship I have with my daughter.
12:20Joker texts without internal punctuation
12:22and is basically my Aunt Tilly.
12:23How did this alien dickhead know Harley was in the elevator
12:25then jump down into the elevator with her to fight?
12:28You realize this thing would have to manually open
12:30an elevator door to access one of the work panels
12:32to get into the elevator shaft, right?
12:33So these f***ers were just stored in the ceiling?
12:36Okay, I'm sorry.
12:37I'm always thinking of the process
12:38by which they turned these guys evil
12:39then pulled out a bunch of ladders
12:41told them to go through the ceiling tiles
12:43and told them to wait for the Suicide Squad to show up.
12:45Then, like always,
12:46movies aren't concerned with your perspective of this battle.
12:48They all know you like loud noises
12:49and the illusion of something exciting.
12:50And that's what they call an action scene these days.
12:52This asshole does nothing
12:53for most of the second battle in a row.
12:55And yes, I know he eventually saves the day.
12:57But is there nothing he can offer
12:58between zero and saves the day?
13:00This guy apparently needs to be goaded
13:01into using his powers.
13:02Now we realize why Diablo
13:03was conscientiously objecting to using his powers.
13:06It didn't have anything to do with killing his girlfriend.
13:08It's because he's one of the most powerful characters in this movie
13:10and he could have made the last 15 minutes go by in five.
13:12Does chemically altering your appearance
13:14require this mega dive from super high up in a building?
13:16I'll take scenes we only included
13:18because we hired an A-lister to play Joker
13:20and felt obligated for 800, Alex.
13:22Seriously, everybody is gone after that flashback
13:24except for Deadshot
13:25who has been the leader of this thing for the entire mission.
13:27You'd think Flagg or somebody would be concerned about them
13:29not being with the group
13:30but you'd be wrong.
13:31So the mission was to save Amanda all along.
13:33And I guess Enchantress sent her army here
13:35because she needs them to get her heart
13:37but I don't really know why.
13:38It feels like she could have zipped in and out of this place herself
13:40if she wanted to
13:41even if she was building some sort of machine.
13:42And I'm not sure how her army would have been able to find
13:44a secret stairway
13:45and punch the secret code to access this room anyway.
13:48And I guess Amanda didn't tell them
13:49they were coming to save her
13:49because of something something proved their loyalty.
13:51This movie doesn't lay clear
13:52any of the motivations for the characters
13:54so we have to take stabs at what the plot is about.
13:56She takes an average person
13:57and she turns him into a soldier
13:58who can take a headshot and still fight.
14:00Not really.
14:01They're pretty awful army-wise.
14:02They might do well at one of those haunted houses
14:04where the employees can touch you though.
14:08What the f***ing f***?
14:10These people all knowingly worked for a clandestine agency
14:12and presumably had some level of clearance or basic trust.
14:15There is no reason to shoot them all over this s***.
14:17Hell, you got permission from your bosses
14:19to run this suicide squad, right?
14:20That is just a mean lady.
14:24Yeah, movie, this is the time for one-liner jokes.
14:26Just after the unnecessary murder of several innocents.
14:28Murder, then one-liner.
14:30That's the comedy formula laid forth by Jerry Lewis, I think.
14:32I'm birthed and jacked.
14:33It's not important for you to know
14:34how the Joker hijacked this military helicopter.
14:36Just know that he did
14:37and be content that he's Joker and can do anything.
14:39How did Joker and his men ensure
14:41they don't hit any good guys by firing this way?
14:43Even if Joker did all these things to save Harley,
14:45what a terrible plan this is.
14:46She could easily be killed.
14:47Of course, that might not be a consideration for him,
14:50but considering everything he's done so far,
14:52it's ridiculous he didn't wait for a better opportunity.
14:54The military bombs the s*** out of this helicopter
14:55and they all survive.
14:57And goddammit, the s*** I have to put up with
14:58to make Sins videos.
14:59And then Harley survives this fall.
15:01Jesus Christ, I'm starting to think
15:03the safest location in this movie
15:04is in a crashing helicopter.
15:05Why even have a helicopter crash
15:07if everybody's gonna survive all of them?
15:08This movie is a series of helicopter crashes
15:10and people eating large pieces of meat.
15:12Also, you survive a helicopter crash
15:13and you survive a helicopter crash.
15:15And after watching what she thinks
15:16is Joker dying in a chopper crash,
15:18Harley understandably goes down to street level
15:20and pouts on the roof of a car in the rain.
15:21Because that's just what you do in these situations.
15:24Okay, Harley has had her bomb disconnected,
15:25is presumed dead,
15:26and could go wherever the f*** she wants.
15:28Why is she sticking around
15:29to eventually go back to torture prison?
15:30With my heart returned,
15:32I can finish my weapon.
15:34Yeah, because before,
15:35you couldn't get that s*** done for some reason.
15:37I get the feeling someone on the set was like,
15:39isn't she super powerful?
15:40Why hasn't she finished her weapon
15:41if she clearly has the power to do it?
15:43And then somebody said,
15:44let's make it seem like she needed her heart
15:45all along to do it.
15:46And that'll shut them the f*** up.
15:48When does this end, Flack?
15:49Character inside the movie says out loud
15:51what everyone watching it is thinking.
15:53What?
15:53We almost pulled it off.
15:54No, you f***ing didn't.
15:55You killed a bunch of bubbly monsters
15:57and briefly rescued a psychopath
15:58that is going to put you right back in prison.
16:00That's not pulling at all.
16:01That's participating in a s***y LARP.
16:03You put that back where you found it.
16:04I'm taking my kids to mom's.
16:06I thought I married a nice man
16:07with demon tattoos all over his head,
16:09face, and 75% of his body.
16:10Yes, this guy's backstory
16:11is that he got mad at his wife
16:12for scolding him for criminal activity
16:14and then he burned his family.
16:15That's the backstory.
16:17And this character deserves no second chances,
16:18even though the movie gives him one.
16:20You're free to go.
16:24Wasn't she already free
16:25of the nanite explosives anyway?
16:27Your daughter writes you every day.
16:29And I hand-selected seven of those daily letters
16:31to include in this small bundle.
16:33Also, emotional moment, yes,
16:34but Flagg was traveling
16:35and doing combat this whole movie
16:37with these letters stuffed in his chest
16:38just in case.
16:39My daughter is going to know
16:41that her daddy is not a piece of s***.
16:44Except for all those people I killed for money.
16:46I can't take that back.
16:47But killing a witch gets me points, though.
16:49Captain Boomerang throws a boomerang,
16:50which apparently doesn't boomerang at all,
16:52but flies like a drone into Enchantress's lair
16:54and has a camera on it
16:55that broadcasts through his phone.
16:57There's a flooded tunnel.
16:58Leads right underneath that building.
17:00Because Killer Croc has been worthless up to this point.
17:02So there's a flooded tunnel now
17:03so his character can actually do something.
17:08Man, who killed her husband,
17:09used that sword.
17:10Yeah, but who the f*** cares, man?
17:12You gonna fight with us?
17:13What if I lose control?
17:14Are we still debating about this?
17:15Did Diablo do something good earlier?
17:17Shouldn't he be over this by now?
17:18I mean, not the killing his wife and kids part,
17:21but the using fire for good part.
17:22So that's your old lady, huh?
17:24Well, you need to handle this s***.
17:26Get up there, smack on her ass,
17:28tell her to knock this s*** off.
17:30This movie is so aggressively misogynistic
17:31that it briefly hosted Access Hollywood.
17:33I've been waiting for you all night.
17:36Did Enchantress just now realize
17:37the Suicide Squad was here?
17:39What exactly are her detecting powers?
17:40Did this take some time,
17:41or was she just letting them think they were hiding?
17:43And I know what you want.
17:45Movie will now waste time showing us
17:47what a few characters really want,
17:49and won't pay any attention to what I want,
17:51which is for the movie to end.
17:52This dude suddenly has horrible aim
17:53with his tentacle things,
17:54after wiping out most of the human race
17:56he interacted with before this.
17:58Also, why did Enchantress bother with all that
17:59what-everybody-really-wants bulls***,
18:01and not just send this guy in behind them
18:03to destroy them in the first place?
18:04Katana ex machina.
18:05I lost one family!
18:06I ain't gonna lose another one!
18:07There is no way you've bonded to these a**holes
18:09in a few days' time enough to consider them family.
18:12F*** you, Jay Hernandez's character
18:13whose name I forgot.
18:14Let me show you what I really am.
18:16Hola si, cabrón!
18:17Would it have been nice to know
18:18this character could Voltron
18:19into a super tall fire god before now?
18:21Yes.
18:22Yes, it would have.
18:22But that would have spoiled the ex machina.
18:24I'll be honest,
18:25Killer Croc is underwater fighting bad guys.
18:26I've forgotten why, or who, or how.
18:28But I understand Killer Croc
18:30to be a water-based bad guy,
18:31and therefore I accept the existence of this scene,
18:33even as I sin its forgettableness.
18:35Yeah, do it!
18:36This fight would really be interesting
18:37if we had any clue about their powers,
18:39or the stakes, or the rules,
18:40or anything resembling a plot.
18:42My spell is complete.
18:44Took you long enough.
18:45You got your heart back a couple hours ago.
18:47Feels like this stupid machine
18:48should be killing fools by now.
18:50Well, f***.
18:50There goes HBO again.
18:52How does this witch even know how to target this thing?
18:54It's a secret facility!
18:59Oh!
19:00Fight against all-powerful witch
19:02devolves into hand-to-hand combat,
19:04because of course it does.
19:05Damn, I thought we were gonna run out of time,
19:07but the movie managed to find one more way
19:08to have a dude punch a woman in the face.
19:10Oh look, Killer Croc finally made it to the battle,
19:12after so many minutes of whatever the f*** he's been doing.
19:14That is indeed a vagina kick,
19:15and I'd be just as offended as a moviegoer
19:17if Harley was a dude and this was a kick to the balls.
19:19Actually, this movie is basically a kick in the balls
19:21and a Rob Schneider cameo
19:22away from being an Adam Sandler movie.
19:24Enough!
19:25She could have done this like five minutes ago, right?
19:27I like what you're selling, lady.
19:30That enchantress can't tell Harley is bullsh***ing
19:32and doesn't notice the sword right next to her.
19:33Hey, Croc!
19:34Here's something to do
19:35after the entire movie of you being worthless.
19:37Thanks for being nearby.
19:38This entire scene is done in slow motion
19:40for a whopping 90 seconds
19:41so that the agony can be greater during watching it.
19:43All in all, this chick was pretty worthless during this movie.
19:45Name one thing she did.
19:46You know one person who could end this mess right now?
19:48Harley, whose neck thing doesn't work anymore.
19:50But did this movie forget about that?
19:52I guess it did.
19:52Or Harley just doesn't want to help or something.
19:54In this one movie alone,
19:55the Joker has been a red herring,
19:57a MacGuffin, and an Ex Machina.
19:58This is Crown Jewels here, Mr. Wayne.
20:01End credit sequence is so much like
20:02the Nick Fury Avengers bullsh***
20:04that you might as well copy and paste the Marvel sh***
20:05into this DC product.
20:12You can do it!
20:14The Matrix is telling my brain
20:16that it is juicy and delicious.
20:19Ignorance is bliss.
20:20Whoa, did I frighten you?
20:22Didn't mean to.
20:23Sorry, howdy.
20:24My name is Woody.
20:26I got brought in Atlanta.
20:28It's confusing.
20:29Is it sexist to hit you?
20:30Is it more sexist to not hit you?
20:32I mean, the line gets real blurry.
20:35Are you a god?
20:42Well, first I was going to pop this guy
20:44hanging from the street light,
20:45and then I realized, you know,
20:46he's just working out.
20:48You disobey me.
20:50And they duck you!
20:52I am Groot.
20:53The Matrix Life.
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