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Hark at Barker is a 1969 British programme combining elements of sitcom and sketch show, which starred Ronnie Barker. It was made for the ITV network by LWT.

Each show began with a spoof news item read by Barker as a continuity announcer. He would then introduce the main part of the programme, a lecture to be given by Lord Rustless on a different topic each week from his stately home, Chrome Hall. Helped and hindered by Rustless' secretary Bates, his Butler Badger, his bad-tempered Cook, his incoherent gardener Dithers and his buxom, near-mute maid Effie, these lectures invariably degenerated into farce, and were frequently interrupted by comic sketches on film or videotape which also starred Barker in various roles.

Barker reprised the role of Lord Rustless in the BBC series His Lordship Entertains, and played very similar characters in Futtock's End and the Two Ronnies specials The Picnic and By the Sea.
Transcript
00:16Good morning.
00:17Oh, good morning.
00:20Isn't it a lovely day?
00:22Oh, it's beautiful, beautiful.
00:24I just love the south of France.
00:26There's no place like it.
00:27Have you been here before?
00:29No, no, no, no.
00:30This is my first time.
00:31I must say it's done wonders for me.
00:33When I came here ten days ago, I was in a shocking state.
00:37Nervous exhaustion, you know.
00:39Oh, now that is dreadful.
00:41Yes, I'd been working far too hard at the office,
00:43and I was in just a terrible condition.
00:46You should have seen a doctor.
00:48Oh, I did.
00:49Someone gave me the name of a nervous specialist over in England,
00:53Dr. Hector Dexter Proctor at 25 The Drives and Ives.
00:56Yes, and that's what started my breakdown, really.
01:01Well, what do you mean?
01:02Well, as soon as I heard the name, I sort of snapped.
01:05I just kept saying it over and over to myself, you know,
01:09Dr. Hector Dexter Proctor, 25 The Drives and Ives.
01:12And after I said it about 700 times,
01:14I just leapt up onto my desk and started crowing like a cock.
01:17Oh, poor man.
01:20Well, how long were you in that state?
01:23Oh, a month, a month.
01:24But when I came here, I mean, after ten days of good food and rest and sunshine,
01:29I'm just my old self again.
01:32I feel wonderful, just wonderful, you know.
01:36Oh, I'm so glad, Mr.
01:38Oh, excuse me.
01:39My name is Fernley, Fred Fernley.
01:40Oh, how do you do?
01:41How do you do?
01:43And your name?
01:44Bebe.
01:45Oh, Bebe.
01:46Is that your first name?
01:48No, that is my last name.
01:49My first name is Bebe.
01:57Phoebe Bebe?
01:58Well, really, that is my married name.
02:02Oh, what was your maiden name?
02:05McCreeby.
02:06Yeah.
02:07So, in other words, your full name is...
02:09Phoebe McCreeby Bebe.
02:11Phoebe McCreeby Bebe.
02:13Phoebe, Phoebe McCreeby Bebe.
02:15Phoebe McCreeby Bebe.
02:17Good Hebe, is that the TV?
02:19I mean, good heavens, is that the TV?
02:23Good heavens, is that the time?
02:25Oh, well, I have so enjoyed meeting you, Mr. Ferdinand.
02:30If ever you are in Carnarvonshire, do come to our canal.
02:35Oh, you got a canal in Carnarvonshire?
02:38Yes, we just bought it.
02:40It's for canoes.
02:42Oh.
02:43In other words, it's a new canoe canal, huh?
02:46It's right.
02:47Oh, I just love you to come here.
02:49I just love you to meet my hubby and baby.
02:52What are they called?
02:53Well, there's hubby Bobby and tubby chubby baby Debbie.
02:58Oh, hubby Bobby and tubby chubby baby Debbie.
03:02Oh, how lovely.
03:03Well, I must be moving.
03:05Yes?
03:05I'm meeting mommy for a round of rummy.
03:08Oh, you're meeting mommy for a round of rummy.
03:10Oh, how chummy.
03:11Well, well, goodbye Phoebe McCreeby Bebe.
03:13Give my best to hubby Bobby and tubby chubby baby Debbie on your new canoe canal in Carnarvonshire.
03:17Now, let me see.
03:18There's Phoebe McCreeby Bebe, hubby Bobby Bebe, and tubby chubby baby Debbie Bebe on the new canoe canal in Carnarvonshire.
03:24Hello, could you put me through to Dr. Hector Dexter Proctor of 25 that drives for knives?
03:28We've got Phoebe McCreeby Bebe cubby, and we've got hubby Bobby chubby.
03:31We've got canabi, canooty, and now can now can...
03:33Hello?
03:34Is that 25 that drives for knives?
03:35Oh, oh, it's moved to Lou.
03:37Well, well, well, well, well, could you put me through to do?
03:40Hey, thank you to do, do to do, do to do.
03:43Go, go, go, doodle do!
03:44Go, go, go, go, go, go!
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