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The Last Leg - Season 34 Episode 6
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00:02One more song, thank you for letting us be ourselves
00:06So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:08These simple rhymes be good for your health
00:11Keep them crime rhymes getting sharp
00:13Live my life like you just don't care
00:15Life that I believe is never scared
00:18Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:20Get up, sit up here for my dead
00:22Get up, throw your hands in my hand
00:25Get up, you should be right there
00:27Get up, get up, get up
00:38Grab your ration book, find the nearest shelter, and hope it's got TV reception.
00:42It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for the last leg.
00:47Tonight on the show, we'll pull apart the situation in the Middle East,
00:50decorate our winter Paralympians,
00:52and build up some disability representation.
00:56Plus, we'll be joined by former conservative politician Penny Mordant,
01:00and comedians Vittorio Angeloni and Jamali Maddox,
01:04on the show that does it best to plaster over the cracks.
01:21G'day! Hi, everyone. I'm Adam Hills.
01:24Welcome to The Last Leg, the show that heard that World War III is approaching
01:27and thought, thank God, not one of us is physically able to fight.
01:33Ricky is always in the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittacombe,
01:36and the man who heard, Iran has limited arms, and thought, I know how you feel,
01:41Alex Broca!
01:50What a start, eh? You won't hear two better jokes about a world war in your life.
01:56Look, we are going to cover everything that's going on in the world,
01:59or at least we'll try to.
02:00But before we get there, big news for Alex this week, big personal news.
02:03He's been on a journey of disability self-discovery, haven't you?
02:06Yeah, so... Yeah. I've got myself a shower stool.
02:12Ooh.
02:14Yay for mobility aids, but...
02:16As I told you, the show has already peaked with those opening jokes.
02:20It's not mine. It's not mine.
02:22I nicked it off an old lady next door and I didn't.
02:24Basically, so my wife done her Achilles.
02:26She's done her Achilles, and she, like, straight away, gosh...
02:28Oh, bloody hell, it never rains, but it pours in your ass, does it?
02:30It's quite romantic having matching limps.
02:34The kids don't know who's quickest now.
02:37But, so she went straight away.
02:39She told her Achilles, literally, like, a couple of days later,
02:41she goes and gets this shower stool, and I'm like,
02:43what have you got that for?
02:44And she went, well, I'm not going to suddenly start showering on one leg,
02:47am I? That would be ridiculous.
02:51And I was like, in 41 years, I'd never thought about that.
02:56Like, I think it must be, like, disabled logic.
03:00Like, we wake up in the morning and choose inspiration.
03:04From the minute we wake up, we're like, why would I do it easy?
03:07I'm going to balance on one leg like a flamingo.
03:11I'm trying to get through around the Britain's Got Talent every morning
03:13in the shower.
03:14But all of a sudden, she's got this shower stool,
03:16and it's mint.
03:18It is, like, it's so much easier showering,
03:20sat down, than standing on one leg.
03:23And, like, the best thing is, the other day,
03:24I was like, just loving it, sat there, just, this is amazing.
03:27And, like, all the soap was there.
03:28And it, like, I looked down at my bits,
03:30and it looked like they were in their own little jacuzzi.
03:34And it looked like,
03:36it looked like there was like an arm around.
03:39All right, you having a good time?
03:42Like, it's the best, it's the best thing.
03:46Do you know what?
03:47I'm fucking done with this.
03:48No, you're not.
03:54Who's the best?
03:56I'm...
03:56If...
03:58If Alex talking about his meat and two veg having a jacuzzi,
04:02it's the Paralympic legacy, count me out.
04:05Well, you're not going to like this.
04:07We've got a photo.
04:08Oh, no.
04:12Just to let you know,
04:14that's, that's my hand in the picture, so...
04:17I forgot that your disability is that you're pixelated from the waist down.
04:24It nearly worked.
04:25It's so happy it was.
04:25And how much do I have to pay on OnlyFans to see the full photo?
04:29I don't know, with the new season of heated rivalries looking a bit shit.
04:34So, who took that?
04:35Me, look.
04:36I'll say, no, no, so you can see I've got my arm out.
04:39Yeah, it is.
04:40I've got the good arm on it.
04:41So, look, Josh and I...
04:42The good arm.
04:43Josh and I think you need more than just your average shower chair.
04:47Yeah.
04:47So, we've had a special arsenal chair, mate.
04:50Oh, my gosh.
04:51Just for showers.
04:52Oh, wow.
04:55Go on, go on.
04:57And do you know what?
05:00After what Alex told me, that is the first and last time I'm touching that seat.
05:05Do you want to come and have a sit on it?
05:06Yeah, of course, yeah.
05:07So, it's got your arsenal drink, so you can have a drink in the shower,
05:10and then you can listen to your stuff, and then you put that on.
05:14Like that.
05:15Look at that.
05:15Yeah, you can listen to Parent in Hell or...
05:17Well, you do look like...
05:20Yeah, and so...
05:24I'm going to turn it round, because the most exciting thing is...
05:26Go on.
05:27Right.
05:27On the back, it says...
05:30Wash your face and your arsenal.
05:31Oh!
05:32What a present!
05:34Arsenal.
05:36Oh.
05:36Arsenal.
05:40That's awesome.
05:42Now, I'm going to be honest with you that...
05:44Here we go.
05:44Oh, this is good.
05:45That is not the chair we used in rehearsal.
05:49Because...
05:49The chair...
05:50This is what happened to the chair we used in rehearsal.
05:53Because...
05:56Imagine if this broke.
05:57Yeah.
05:58There you go.
05:59And if we scoot it round...
06:00Oh!
06:02Whoa!
06:04LAUGHTER
06:07I can't believe the stool's missing one leg.
06:10LAUGHTER
06:20Can I just say, though...
06:21Yeah.
06:22Not one person came to help me.
06:24I asked if you were OK.
06:26Yeah, you did.
06:26Thank you, mate.
06:27I didn't realise at the time you said imagine if this broke...
06:30Literally seven seconds before it broke.
06:32LAUGHTER
06:33Now, we are live, of course.
06:34Which means you can send us any questions you want to ask us about the news.
06:37Message us on Instagram.
06:38The hashtag's IsItOK?
06:39On WhatsApp, the number is 07956175908.
06:43You can scan the QR code on your screen.
06:46Do you know what? Tonight, we are going straight to the big story.
06:48Abdul Muhammad said,
06:49Is it OK that we might be going to World War III right now?
06:52So, I'm sure you know what I'm about to say, because you've seen the news.
06:57But, last Saturday, America and Israel launched airstrikes on Iran,
07:00hitting thousands of targets and killing the country's leader,
07:03Ayatollah Ali Khamenei.
07:05Iran then fired hundreds of missiles and drones at nearby Arab states,
07:09hitting Dubai Airport, as well as an RAF base in Cyprus.
07:13Israel are now bombing sites in Lebanon,
07:15while a US submarine sank an Iranian Navy ship off the coast of Sri Lanka.
07:19In short, there's a war in the Middle East.
07:21And it feels like it's happened really quickly.
07:23Do you know what I mean?
07:24Like, last Friday, we had no inkling...
07:26It's like it...
07:27None of us saw this coming, including the Ayatollah.
07:30It's like...
07:31Well, particularly the Ayatollah.
07:32Yeah.
07:33You say it's moving too quickly, like a criticism of a relationship.
07:38Yeah, well, last Friday, we were talking...
07:40I mean, this gives a perspective.
07:41Seven days ago, in this room,
07:42we were talking about how important the Gorton and Denton biolet...
07:46You know what?
07:47When people said the Greens were dangerous,
07:49it turns out they were, doesn't it?
07:51The thing is, like, obviously,
07:52we're all worried about World War Three kicking off,
07:54and all week I've been going, like,
07:55if China get involved in this,
07:57then it's really going to boot off.
07:59And obviously, you know,
08:00Iran were looking to China to support them.
08:02But China have told Iran, basically,
08:04they're not going to send them any troops.
08:06Instead, they're essentially going to offer them moral support.
08:10And Iran must be going, whoa, hang on a second.
08:13You've got the biggest army in the world.
08:15We want that.
08:15We don't want a fucking shoulder to cry on.
08:18Look, and it's kind of hard to know who to cheer for.
08:20Because on the one hand,
08:21America and Israel may have broken international law
08:24by bombing a country unprovoked.
08:26But on the other hand, the Iranian regime were,
08:28and I think this is the politically correct term,
08:31absolute assholes.
08:32They came to power in the Islamic Revolution in 1979
08:35and introduced strict religious laws
08:37and brutal morality police
08:39that made Iran go from looking like this
08:41to looking like this.
08:44Like, it's like flicking over from Austin Powers
08:46to The Handmaid's Tale.
08:47The Iranian regime has threatened the existence of Israel,
08:50it's funded terrorism worldwide,
08:51and this year alone,
08:52it's killed tens of thousands of protesters.
08:54These are not nice dudes.
08:56But you know you're the bad guy
08:57when Trump and Netanyahu criticise you
09:00and the rest of the world go,
09:01actually, they've got a point.
09:02On Sunday, millions of Iranians worldwide
09:04celebrated the possible downfall of the regime,
09:06despite the fact that their country was being bombed.
09:09Jeremy Vine showed footage of the celebrations
09:11but misunderstood where it was coming from
09:13and created a perfect moment of accidental partridge.
09:17We've got to show you some footage here, by the way,
09:19from Iran of people dancing like Trump.
09:26So, I gather that's in Iran
09:27and they're doing the Trump dance,
09:28which is just basically a very slight move of the hips
09:30and...
09:31Oh, where is it? Where is it?
09:33It's not Iran.
09:35Ah.
09:36It's crucially not Iran
09:38and that's very important
09:39because if it was in Iran,
09:40they might all be killed.
09:42LAUGHTER
09:48So, look, on the one hand,
09:50hooray, a bad guy's been removed,
09:51but on the other hand,
09:52America doesn't have a great record
09:53of removing bad guys in the Middle East
09:55and leaving it better than they found it.
09:56Just to reassure you, though,
09:58that the adults are in control,
09:59the American government are calling this...
10:02Operation Epic Fury.
10:03I mean, it's giving men naming their own penises.
10:07LAUGHTER
10:07I'll tell you what gives men naming their own penises energy.
10:10Yeah.
10:10Alex in the shower.
10:12LAUGHTER
10:12Yeah, that was...
10:13That was Operation Epic Furry.
10:16LAUGHTER
10:26I'm surprised that Trump didn't want to call it
10:28Operation Forget I'm in the Epstein Files.
10:34Yeah, we'll get to that in a minute.
10:38It's been kind of bonkers the way...
10:39watching the way America have just broadcast this to the world.
10:43Wow.
10:43Especially on social media,
10:44they released this really aggressive video
10:46that shows how they've pretty much turned the war into a meme.
10:51We're going to annihilate their navy.
10:55We're going to ensure that the region's terrorist proxies
10:59can no longer destabilise the region or the world.
11:04We will ensure that Iran does not obtain a nuclear weapon.
11:10We will do this as long as it takes
11:12to achieve those objectives,
11:13and we will achieve those objectives.
11:14The world will be a safer place
11:16when we're done with this operation.
11:22It looks like it's come out of South Park.
11:24LAUGHTER
11:25It's a wonder they didn't end with,
11:26oh, my God, they killed Kemeni.
11:29LAUGHTER
11:32APPLAUSE
11:36And if you think America's tweet was tasteless,
11:38check out this unbelievable post.
11:40This was genuinely put out by the Israeli Defence Force.
11:45Nothing beats it
11:46Jet
11:47Jet
11:47Jet
11:48Jet
11:48Jet
11:56Do you think
11:57I was just gonna say do you think that Jess Glynn would be more upset that her best song was
12:03hijacked by Jet 2 or World War 3?
12:09What is going on? It's World War 3 and they're making shit outdated memes
12:14That's my issue, if you're gonna meme about a war, make it topical
12:18Exactly, what's next? How many schools did you bomb? 6-7
12:29You know what, that's the first time a man in his 50s has done 6-7 and I've liked it
12:3860s, 50s, sorry
12:41So why has this happened now? The truth is we don't know and neither does America
12:45Okay, first the Secretary of State Marco Rubio said Israel were gonna strike Iran
12:49So America got in first to stop Iran hitting back
12:52Then Trump said he had heard Iran was getting ready to strike Israel with a nuclear weapon
12:56So he hit them first
12:58But he also said last year he had completely destroyed Iran's nuclear capabilities
13:03But the thing is so, the White House Press Secretary Karen Leavitt generally said that the war had started because
13:09Trump had a feeling
13:10Right
13:12That's not a feeling to have, to start a war
13:16You can have a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night
13:20Yeah, that's fine
13:21You know, if you've got the feeling jump up to the ceiling, are you getting down tonight? That's a
13:27Some experts are saying the US basically received word that the Ayatollah was meeting his senior advisors at a compound
13:33And they just thought, this is a window of opportunity, let's take him out
13:37So it wasn't even planned, they just went, oh we've got a shot, let's go
13:40Very much like when Alan Carr took out Paloma Faith during Celebrity
13:43With less of a dramatic fallout
13:47Further to what you said before though
13:49Earlier today, a new document from the Epstein Files was released
13:52That contains unsubstantiated claims that Donald Trump abused a minor
13:56I mean, I'm sure that's not why he attacked Iran and sent the whole region into war
14:03Is it?
14:04I mean, remember when people thought a female president would be too emotional?
14:09Meanwhile, Israel have said they will take out whoever's chosen to replace the Ayatollah
14:13They're gonna take him out
14:14What a tough job to advertise for
14:16Wanted, interim Ayatollah
14:18Must have ability to work under pressure
14:19Start date ASAP
14:22It's a tough gig, that
14:23Interim Ayatollah does sound like a great reality show though, doesn't it?
14:27And the people that brought you MILF Manor, interim Ayatollah
14:31I've heard Igor Tudor's applied for it because it's easier to be in Spursman
14:37Don't know what that means
14:44But you know what, we all enjoyed it
14:47We all enjoyed it
14:48A whole bunch of words
14:50But imagine that job interview
14:52Like, interviewing someone to be the next Ayatollah
14:55How do you?
14:56So what's your biggest weakness?
14:57Oh, I don't know
14:59Sometimes I love Allah just too much
15:01Look, the most likely leader at the moment is the old Ayatollah's son apparently
15:05Bloody Nepo babies getting old Ayatollah
15:08Donald Trump said last night he wants to choose the next leader of Iran
15:12What, like going back to The Apprentice?
15:16Apparently when the bombs went off he went, you're fired, you're fired
15:20Trump also said today he wants to make Iran great again
15:24He wants to make Iran great again
15:27I don't think that hat's going to sell as well
15:31The thing is, Donald Trump doesn't want Iran to be led by a despotic religious fanatic
15:36Who uses his faith as an excuse to do whatever the hell he wants
15:38And is fawned over by everyone around him
15:40And yet, this afternoon in the White House, this happened
15:44That is Donald Trump being prayed for by evangelical pastors who are laying hands on him
15:52I mean, at least the Ayatollah believed in his religion
15:56It looks like the last one to let go wins a truck
16:08It's all well and good, like praying with him
16:11And like, maybe Jesus or God are listening
16:14But if they are, I'd like to think they wouldn't start intervening with someone in the Epstein files
16:20Fauna Beulah said, is it okay that Keir Starmer got our air bases involved?
16:24So the Prime Minister refused to let the US use British air bases to launch their initial attacks on Iran
16:28But when Iran started firing missiles willy-nilly, he let the US use our bases for defensive strikes
16:33Basically, when America tried to go all the way, Keir Starmer wouldn't let them get to first base
16:37But when things got heated, he said, sure, but only over the shirt
16:41Did he do the right thing?
16:43I mean, I don't know
16:44Who knows with Keir Starmer?
16:46Because I just assume every option he picks is a sort of geezer
16:49Where it's always the wrong option
16:51You know, if he was in Tesco, he always goes to the queue
16:54Like, he thinks it's always going to be the longest
16:56Rebels
16:57You know, if Keir Starmer goes into the Rebels, he gets a coffee one every time
17:02It is... I don't know is the answer because it's so...
17:06Sometimes you do go, do you know what?
17:08Being Prime Minister is a fucking nightmare
17:11Like, he can't... he makes the wrong decision, then he switches, and that's the wrong decision
17:16And then he's pissed off Donald Trump, but then he's also pissed off the left
17:19And you're like, do you know what, mate?
17:22Just have a fucking break
17:23Like, it must be a nightmare
17:26I... I quite like the decision that he made
17:28I like that he didn't go in straight away
17:30Because it was... he basically went, this is against the rule of law
17:33And we're not going to do this
17:34And also, I mean, he's not one to talk about regime change
17:38I'm sure that's the last thing he wants as well
17:40He said, we don't want regime change from the skies
17:43Or from Manchester, apparently
17:46I think, I don't know, I've got a feeling he might have actually come out of this looking better than
17:50if he'd gone in gung-ho
17:52But...
17:52You've got to remember, he's got an incredibly low bar on what people think of him
17:56He also didn't want to miss out, though, on the war-related social media hype
17:59Last night he posted this uninspiring clip
18:06Our number one priority is protecting our people
18:09And that's why, long before the US and Israeli action last week came
18:14We had already deployed additional military capabilities to the region
18:18To defend our injuries
18:25Do you know what, though?
18:27It's cooler when you remember that that's Wes Streeting on guitar
18:31I reckon Keir Starmer's voice could underwhelm any song
18:38Also, you don't want people thinking of Dire Straits
18:41But it's like, that's a banger, that song
18:43He could, he could be on, like, Free For Desire
18:46And it would be shit
18:47And nobody even spoke in the lyrics of it
18:50That ain't working, that's the way you do it
18:54Money for nothing and your cheques for free
18:56Oh, my God!
18:57It's like I've got an echo between you two
19:00It's such a shame that Hilsey's finally nailed his Keir Starmer impression
19:03Just as he's about to leave
19:05Look, that clip wasn't enough to win over Donald Trump
19:08No way!
19:09Trump criticised Starmer this week and said he's no Winston Churchill
19:12Which is weird, because Winston Churchill stood his ground
19:14Against an authoritarian with stupid hair
19:16Who tried to change the world order
19:17Trump went on to criticise the UK's wind farms
19:20The UK's immigration policy
19:22He said, quote, London is a very different place
19:24A terrible mayor and terrible people
19:27But it's a very different place
19:29What does he mean by different?
19:31Do you know what I mean?
19:33That sounds a lot like racism
19:34And as an Australian, I know racism
19:38That is the weirdest brag I've ever heard
19:42In fact, the more Donald Trump ran down London this week
19:46The more defensive I got
19:47And we've talked about this during the week
19:49So more defensive than these guys
19:51Josh and Alex
19:51You were worried about your visa though
20:02I did though
20:03Like he kept talking down London
20:04And I got, you know, I've been living here for nearly 20 years
20:07This place feels like my home
20:08I think I've lived in London more than I've lived in any other city in my life
20:11I got really, really defensive
20:12So, don't tell us, tell the officers
20:17So look, I made a little video message for Donald Trump to show him just how great London can be
20:23G'day, I'm Adam Hills
20:24You know, Donald Trump says London is a terrible place full of terrible people
20:28But since moving here, I've found Londoners to be some of the friendliest people on the planet
20:32Fuck off mate
20:35There's so much to celebrate
20:37From problematic tourist attractions
20:40To eating out
20:41London's the home of international cuisine
20:44With every dish you can imagine right on your doorstep
20:46Oh, cheers
20:47That's 20 quid mate
20:4920 pounds
20:50For a glorified cheese toastie
20:53Listen you Aussie c-
20:54And for a great way of getting around London
20:56They'll take you literally anywhere you need to go
20:59Oh hey
21:01G'day mate, just go into Ballum please
21:03Ballum?
21:03Sorry mate, don't go south of the river
21:14London's full of famous faces
21:15Who knows, you might even end up having a coffee with my celebrity mate, Self Esteem
21:23Hey, Selfie, it's Adam
21:24Yeah, just wondering where you are
21:25Look, I've told you, I don't want to meet for a coffee
21:28I also don't know who you are
21:31I mean it's a great city for people watching
21:36Cheers, thanks
21:3820 pounds?
21:41Donald Trump might have a problem with green energy
21:43But in London, lime bikes are everywhere
21:48So there you have it
21:49London, a safe place for everyone
21:54Even kids feel safe being out and about
21:57You can't
22:00So listen up Donald Trump
22:01Sure London might be a smelly, grimy, rainy, overpriced shithole
22:05But it's our smelly, grimy, rainy, overpriced shithole
22:08And we love it
22:10Maybe it's because I'm Australian
22:14That I love London, tat
22:19Oh, it's on my shoes
22:27Oh, it's on the j-
22:28Oh, man
22:30Fucking city
22:33Great, VT
22:34Great, VT
22:37All behind the spot, no?
22:40Alright
22:42Let's bring out tonight's guests
22:43An Englishman, an Irishman
22:45And a politician
22:45Walked into a studio
22:46Please welcome comedians
22:47Jamali Maddox
22:48And Vittorio Angeloni
22:49And former Cabinet Minister
22:51Penny Mordance
23:10So, my first question to you
23:12I was told you were injured
23:14I have actually broken my leg
23:16Not my leg, my foot
23:17My foot
23:18Okay, but you've
23:19You've taken the cast off for the show?
23:21I have, yeah
23:21Is that safe?
23:23Well, it was
23:24It was more that I knew
23:25What your producers had planned
23:26Later on in the show
23:27Right
23:28So I'm going to sit that bit out
23:29So
23:30Okay, but you're alright
23:31I'm alright
23:32Okay, cool
23:33Okay, good
23:34I like the fact that you didn't want to come here
23:35And moan about your leg
23:39Also, so let's talk about what's going on this week
23:42I'm going to get to you in a safe, Penny
23:43But Vittorio
23:45You know
23:45Everything that's gone on in the Middle East this week
23:47How do you feel about it all?
23:49Yeah, slow news week
23:50To be making my debut on the show
23:53I mean, look
23:53I think we can all agree
23:54It's been grim
23:55Nobody's enjoyed seeing the news this week
23:58Apart from Prince Andrew
23:59He's probably buzzing
24:06Yeah, just to be out of the news cycle for a day
24:13But it's important to remember there's a reason for the war and for the attack
24:17You know, like the media has said
24:18Like it's to remove a misogynist dictator, you know
24:22And help support the rights of Iranian women
24:25And Trump and Netanyahu have done that in the only way they know how
24:29Bombing a girl's primary school
24:33Wow
24:37Allegedly
24:41Do you have to say that or do I have to say that?
24:44Either way, it's been said
24:45Jamali?
24:47Jamali?
24:48Yeah, I'm just looking
24:49I'm eyeing up the Ayatollah job
24:53I'm laughing
24:54I'm going to give you a good crack, bro
24:56You know
24:57Because I know like Israel is saying
24:58We're going to kill the next one
24:59They won't kill me
25:00I'm too cheeky
25:03We're looking at this scam
25:08Alright
25:09And so Penny, look
25:10Obviously
25:10I would vote for that
25:11You would vote for that
25:12I think my
25:13It's hard to peck
25:14But I think my favourite moment of the war so far
25:16Yep
25:17Was when
25:21The IDF posted one of these mad TikTok compilations
25:24And in it they were celebrating the fact that they'd
25:26They'd destroyed an Iranian military helicopter
25:28But it turns out it was just a painting of the helicopter on tarmac
25:33Like who's in charge of the IDF? Wile E. Coyote?
25:37The Iranian military have given a statement
25:39They came out and said
25:40So Penny, before we ask your opinions
25:45We had a segment made up
25:47We had a segment made up
25:47In which we've contacted you before
25:49And got your opinions on certain stuff
25:50So we're going to run with it
25:51It's a little segment we like to call
25:55A mordant for your thoughts
25:57So
25:59What do you make of everything that's gone on this one?
26:02Well look, I think that you were very kind to the White House
26:05About the social media that you showed
26:07There is worse
26:08Yes
26:08Out there
26:10I think the President, if he just said to his allies
26:14I'm sorry we've come to the conclusion we can't stop this nation
26:18Getting the bomb
26:19Without taking out the leadership of the regime
26:23And denuding their capabilities
26:25We don't need your support to do it
26:27But we'll be there for you
26:28If you have to take defensive action as a consequence
26:32And in the process we will stop a lot of terrorism
26:36Illicit oil flows, organise crime
26:38And give the Iranian people a chance at a brighter future
26:40It would have gone down better
26:42But that sounds like a mature thing to say
26:45From a grown-up
26:47There is, I think, a strategy behind this
26:50But you can be forgiven for not knowing what that is
26:53Oh, you think there is a strategy behind this?
26:55I do
26:56And I think there's implications for China and Russia in this as well
27:00But the most important thing
27:02There have been people that have war-gamed this
27:04And see where this goes
27:05And the critical thing is, now he's started this
27:09He's got to end it
27:10Because the worst outcome for this
27:12I'm sorry, this is a light entertainment show
27:14No, no, no, go on
27:14This is important stuff
27:15Is if you leave part of the regime in place
27:18That's less experienced, more fanatical
27:21At a time when the population is rising up against it
27:25It will be very bad indeed
27:26So basically...
27:28There was an episode where Hilsey was away
27:29And we were left in charge
27:30It was very similar
27:32So what you're saying is this will all be fine
27:34As long as Donald Trump is focused
27:36And doesn't get bored easily
27:38He's on this course
27:39And he has to...
27:40He has to have a good outcome
27:42He has to see it through
27:43At least he famously sticks to one task
27:46And look, you've now
27:47You've famously carried a ceremonial sword
27:48At King Charles' coronation
27:50Which we want to show
27:51Because Alex has a very quick question
27:52Yeah, like, obviously that was a big role
27:54Did you get to go to the evening do?
27:57I was wondering what it was like
27:59No, afterwards I drove home and fed the cat
28:04What?!
28:05You held the sword?
28:06You didn't even get to go to the...
28:07No, well I knew there were a lot of people in the same boat
28:09So I actually bust a load of booze into the House of Commons
28:13And anyone who was part of the ceremony that didn't get to go somewhere nice
28:17I stood them a drink
28:18And then I went home and fed the cat
28:20And we all paid for it
28:30I paid for it, I paid for it
28:32Look, one thing that people might not know about you is that
28:34We have mentioned it on the show though
28:36You used to be a magician's assistant
28:37I did
28:38Such a good fact
28:39Now we talked about this during the week
28:40And Josh got very excited
28:41Because Josh knows three magic tricks
28:45And look, since the news has been very...
28:46I haven't done them since I was a kid, I should say that
28:49Since the news has been very gloom and doom this week
28:51We thought maybe we could end this part with a little bit of magic
28:55Why is Alex not doing the magic trick?
28:58Sleight of hand type stuff?
29:09I was genuinely so tempted to look really sad but I love that
29:13Oh, yeah
29:15Yeah
29:16Um, alright, er, let's... let's do itДа
29:31Yes! Here we go! Paul Daniels is back on TV! Let's have it! Right, I'd like to welcome
29:40up my wonderful assistant, the Magical Mordant. Let's straighten those up. Now, Penny, we're
29:51going to need a volunteer. Can we have some volunteers? Anyone? This guy! Yes! Yes! Okay, I've got three magic
30:02tricks.
30:03There we go. Penny, can I have my cards, please? It's weird how much that hat suits you as well.
30:09Thank you very much. Like a Victorian pimp. Okay, this is my first magic trick. It's a normal
30:13pack of cards. You know how many kids dress as Magical Mickey at Disney? Normal pack of cards,
30:20take the top two cards. How long have you got? Here we go. Show them to the audience. It looks
30:26like you got into Hogwarts through clearing. There we go. Put them back in the pack any way
30:36you want. Remember your cards. Yep, I'll remember them. Okay, ready? I'll straighten the pack. There they are!
30:44Number cards! There you go. Next, Penny could have two matchsticks. This one I don't think is going to transfer
30:56to television as well as it did to the playground. There we go. Thank you, Penny. Can you check the
31:01normal matchsticks? Yes. Oh, there we go. She wouldn't lie. Not allowed to use normal on this show.
31:07Right, I'm going to make these jump. Can you concentrate? Think positive jump thoughts. Okay, you ready? Whoa!
31:16Whoa! She's not genuine. She's not genuine. Whoa. Third trick now. Third trick. This is incredible. And do not try
31:26this at home.
31:26This is a bit much for some people. You all right with gory, Penny? Okay, right. Five. Well, let's not
31:33go
31:33through that, Alex. Now, um, that's my thumb. You ready? Ooh. Ooh. Whoa!
31:44And you just... Pretty good. Pretty good. Well, I'll attach it back on. There it is. Oh, that's amazing. Now,
31:49let's try it with a bigger,
31:50bigger thing. Give me your leg. Not that one, not that one. Okay, you ready?
31:56Whoa! Whoa!
32:03There you go. Can I have that?
32:07Penny, would you like to read us in for the break?
32:11Happy to. Just don't ask me to make your tea. We'll have more Last Leg for you after the break
32:17when we kick off with the Winter Paralympics. See you soon.
32:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:47The Winter Paralympics turns 50 this week, which means it's about to leave its wife and start doing triathlons.
32:54Wheelchair curling has already started. GB beat the USA, despite America posting this edgy hype clip of rapper Snoop Dogg
33:01as the ultimate Paralympic hype man.
33:06Coach Snoop here. And you already know what time it is. You are the athletes who redefine stronger. And your
33:13greatness is beyond comparison. And it's not just me. All of America is proud of each and every last one
33:19of you. All around the world, your family and friends, we love you from the D-O-double-G. And
33:24everybody is cheering you on. Tonight is the official start of your games. So let's do this. USA. USA. USA.
33:33Go.
33:38APPLAUSE
33:38We'll take it. I love it.
33:42APPLAUSE
33:44He should take over the White House's social media account. Absolutely. What won't Snoop do at this point?
33:50LAUGHTER
33:51Who is he in debt with? LAUGHTER
33:53Has he got a Wong alone?
33:57I wonder how high he thinks he is when he watches some of the Paralympic sports as well.
34:02LAUGHTER
34:04You can watch the events over the next week on Channel 4. The opening ceremony took place earlier. Look, it
34:10was kind of weird because a whole bunch of countries pulled out because Russia was allowed to compete under their
34:15own flag.
34:15Which meant you had moments like this weird kind of bit where Chechia came in but Chechia didn't come in.
34:24Chechia are the First Nation boycotting. So the flag and the name of the nation carried by two volunteers.
34:32So they're protesting these eight countries who aren't sending athletes to the ceremony by not showing up rather than making
34:40a protest on the stage itself.
34:43Oh, I just thought they were really, really, really short statues.
34:47LAUGHTER
34:49We're going to have our own alternative opening ceremony at the end of tonight's show.
34:53To kind of make up for that, we want to give it a bit of voom. A bit of voom?
34:56A bit of voom.
34:57A bit of voom.
35:09A bit of voom.
35:10A bit of voom.
35:11A bit of voom.
35:13A bit of voom.
35:19A bit of voom.
35:22A bit of voom.
35:25A bit of voom.
35:25A bit of voom.
35:30A bit of voom.
35:31A bit of voom.
35:31A bit of voom.
35:32A bit of voom.
35:34A bit of voom.
35:36A bit of voom.
35:37A bit of voom.
35:37A bit of voom.
35:37A bit of voom.
35:37A bit of voom.
35:39A bit of voom.
35:39A bit of voom.
35:41The Paralympics is unreal. It's like nothing else.
35:45It's a range of every emotion you could possibly think of.
35:49You know, the pressures, the excitement, the nerves, everything.
35:53But, you know, to be honest, the real medals are...
35:56It's about the pin collections.
35:58Yes.
35:59You know, how many pins can you collect from different countries?
36:02That's really what it's about.
36:04And look, obviously, getting along with other countries is a big thing,
36:06but you were pipped for gold by someone by the name of Henrietta Farkasova.
36:14Name we loved, cos she Farked us over.
36:18Do you have a grudge with Farkasova?
36:22Absolutely not, no.
36:24She's an absolutely amazing athlete.
36:27She's far more experienced than me.
36:30So, very, very well-deserved.
36:32And is it true the reason you're not competing
36:34is because you've taken up karate
36:35and you're now, like, a world champion in karate?
36:39Uh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know.
36:40Yeah, that's amazing.
36:50So, look out, Farkasova.
36:52She's coming for you.
36:54Millie, so lovely to have you here.
36:55Good luck with the karate.
36:57Look, like I said,
36:59Paralympics running over the next couple of weeks.
37:01I'm going to run you through some of the highlights
37:03of what to look out for at the Games tomorrow.
37:05But I'm going to do it,
37:07as we did in Paris,
37:08I'm going to do it on a snowboard.
37:14I think, yes.
37:15Have you said no?
37:22Not...
37:23Okay.
37:25I'm going to be honest.
37:27These aren't really the shoes to be doing this on.
37:30This is the most Australian you've ever looked.
37:33All right, let's give this a crack.
37:35Okay, so,
37:36the visually impaired skiing gets underway tomorrow morning.
37:38Oh, no!
37:39With Fred Warburton and guides James Hannan,
37:42while Neil Simpson and his brother Andrew
37:43make a start to their program in the Women's Downhill.
37:46No, in the Women's Downhill,
37:47Menna Fitzpatrick starts a campaign
37:49with guide Katie Guest.
37:50The Paris snowboarding also kicks off tomorrow
37:52with James Barnes-Miller and Ollie Hill
37:54hoping to qualify as well as Davey Shiv.
37:56Scott Mina also competes on day one
37:58of the Paraply Athlete events,
37:59while GB are in action in the wheelchair curling.
38:02I got to the end!
38:03We'll have more last thanks for you.
38:05That was great.
38:06As we find out how Peppa Pig
38:07is increasing disability awareness,
38:09see you in a little bit!
38:25Welcome back to Last Leg.
38:27We're joined by Penny Morden,
38:27Vittorio Angeloni and Jamali Maddox.
38:30In disability news this week,
38:31Peppa Pig's younger brother George
38:34will be diagnosed as moderately deaf
38:36and is going to be fitted with a hearing aid
38:37in a storyline to air on Monday.
38:39How do we feel about that?
38:41Well, I mean, I think it's a lovely thing
38:43for the show to have done,
38:45considering they've kind of promoted
38:46Peppa Pig all this time.
38:48She's essentially, she's an arsehole.
38:51This whole time, she's always made it about her.
38:53She's always been a dick to George.
38:54But it is good that they're doing it.
38:56I think it's good for kids to see that.
38:58Yeah.
38:59Like, you know, there's like little children
39:00like six or seven that will see that
39:01and they'll see that, you know,
39:02someone with a hearing impairment
39:04and it's kind of completely desensitises them to it.
39:07Like when you compare it to like when I was at school,
39:10like when I was six,
39:11like my classmates,
39:13they used to see me get taken out for a nap
39:15in the middle of the day
39:17and I always thought everyone was going for a sleep.
39:19And then I found out about five years ago
39:21that it was just me and the other disabled kid
39:23in the school
39:24because the school believed some outdated research
39:27that disabled people needed more sleep.
39:30Wow, it's wild.
39:32Which is insane because there was less of one.
39:34Whoa, whoa, whoa.
39:34You have a nap every day at work.
39:36Yeah, yeah.
39:37You're still pushing it.
39:40That is wild.
39:41Thoughts on Peppa Pig?
39:42Yeah, I'm with him.
39:43I think she's smug.
39:46She's not cheeky, is she?
39:47Yeah, but always on an adventure.
39:51But Daddy Pig did teach me
39:53you can drive your trotters, so...
39:56But George's audiologist
39:58is going to be voiced by Jodie Oounsley
40:00who's been on this show.
40:01Is that right?
40:01The Deaf Gladiator
40:03and she was saying the same thing,
40:04you know, like,
40:04it's brilliant for deaf children
40:06or hearing impaired children
40:07to be able to watch that
40:08and see themselves represented.
40:09I do just think it's a difficult show to do that
40:12because what do you say as a deaf
40:14or the parent of a deaf child?
40:15Like, that's you, you're a pig.
40:19Well, and I know disability representation
40:21is a big thing for you, Penny,
40:23because you are an ambassador
40:24for something called
40:25The Music Man Project,
40:26who we had on the show last year.
40:28Yeah.
40:29A whole bunch of people
40:30with learning disabilities,
40:32singing, a choir, it's beautiful.
40:34They're an amazing organisation
40:36and they've actually set up
40:37an alliance for disabled musicians.
40:41It was always their dream.
40:42They used to be David Amos' charity,
40:44the MP that was murdered,
40:46and when he was killed,
40:47I stepped in and helped them.
40:49But it was always his dream
40:50and theirs to play Broadway
40:52and we're taking them to Broadway this autumn.
40:54They're going to play a show on Broadway.
40:56But what we're hoping
40:57is that the day after,
40:59we're going to take them to the UN
41:01and we're going to have
41:02the General Assembly room there,
41:03which will be the most useful thing
41:05that room has been used for
41:06for a very long time.
41:07And we're going to put it this way,
41:08the scenes you've seen in Parliament
41:10this week with Angela Rippon
41:12will be nothing compared
41:13to what we're going to do at the UN.
41:15But there's an important message behind it,
41:17which is that we've got to provide
41:19the educational opportunities
41:21for people to get involved in the arts.
41:23Penny's always been such a supporter
41:25of disabled people.
41:26You're very supportive
41:27of the prosthetics industry.
41:29You were promoting on Twitter
41:30an arms fair in Saudi Arabia recently.
41:32No, I think it's honestly,
41:40I think, I'm so happy
41:43I'm sitting here for a minute.
41:46You've got to let me respond to that.
41:48I would say that investing in our defence
41:51in this particular week
41:52I'm on your side.
41:54I don't think you are, sweetheart.
41:57I genuinely have to get to the mystery guest.
42:02Just as a positive thing,
42:04I think it's brilliant.
42:05Warmongering has always been
42:06a male-dominated industry.
42:08And you've really smashed the glass ceiling.
42:11I'm very glad.
42:12Well, I would...
42:14I'd like to take the opportunity
42:16to introduce you to some other women
42:18that put their lives on the line
42:20to defend people like you
42:22being able to do what you want to do
42:24in your life
42:24and make jokes about the government
42:26and all sorts of things
42:27and enjoy the freedoms
42:28that we do in this country.
42:30So, tonight's mystery guest...
42:32LAUGHTER
42:35It's a top sailor guy from Belfast.
42:38LAUGHTER
42:39We're going to bring out the mystery guest,
42:40Penny Vittorio and Jamali.
42:42Have to try and work out
42:43why they are in the news.
42:44Can we have the mystery guest, please?
42:47LAUGHTER
42:49LAUGHTER
42:50LAUGHTER
42:51LAUGHTER
42:54APPLAUSE
42:54LAUGHTER
42:58APPLAUSE
42:59I hope she hasn't been listening backstage.
43:00LAUGHTER
43:02This is Laura.
43:03She has been in the news this week.
43:04Described in the news as a genius.
43:07But why was she in the news?
43:09Alex, can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
43:14We needed that a few minutes ago.
43:16LAUGHTER
43:17What's she in the news?
43:18I was going to say,
43:19she avoided paying for luggage on a flight
43:21because she sent clothes to herself in the post?
43:23Was it because she has bought
43:24and wrapped Christmas presents
43:26for every member of her family
43:27all the way until 2056?
43:29Or is it because she conducted surgery
43:32on a patient in Gibraltar
43:33while still in...
43:34Still in the UK herself?
43:38Er...
43:38Mystery guest?
43:39Do you know what?
43:39Have a think about it over the break.
43:40We are so short for time.
43:42Er...
43:43And possibly a fight's going to break out.
43:46Um...
43:46We'll be back in a sec.
43:47We'll reveal the mystery guest.
43:48We'll stage our own alternative
43:49Winter Paralympics opening ceremony.
43:50We'll see you in a little bit.
43:52APPLAUSE
44:07Welcome back to Last Leg.
44:08We're joined by Penny Mordaunt,
44:09Vittoria Angelone and Jamali Maddox.
44:11Now, before the break,
44:12we challenged our guest to work out
44:13how this person was connected to the news.
44:15Can we have the options again, please?
44:18So, was Laura in the news
44:19because she avoided paying for luggage on a flight
44:21by sending clothes to herself in the post?
44:23Was it because she had bought
44:24and wrapped her Christmas presents
44:26for every member of her family
44:27all the way to 2056?
44:29Or is it because she conducted surgery
44:31on a patient in Gibraltar
44:32while still in the UK herself?
44:35Which one?
44:36Which one do you think?
44:36I'm thinking with...
44:37It's one or two.
44:38I'm in...
44:39One or three.
44:40I'm in deep admiration.
44:41I think the surgery...
44:43I think you don't seem cheap enough
44:46to do the luggage one.
44:48And 2056, you don't seem mad enough
44:50to do Christmas presents for 2056.
44:53Jamali?
44:53I'll say number three.
44:54I think one.
44:56I think one.
44:57I think that's a smart thing.
44:58You think one?
44:58Alright, so what is the correct answer then?
45:00I posted my luggage to myself
45:03instead of paying luggage fees.
45:05Wow.
45:09How much did you say?
45:12Um, well it would have cost me £30
45:15to take a bag on as hand luggage with me
45:18and I spent £2.59 posting it to my destination instead.
45:23And have you other money-making schemes
45:26that have worked in the past?
45:27Um, well I've sold money before.
45:30What?
45:30You've sold money?
45:31I've sold money for more than what it's worth.
45:33Like what?
45:34I'm a genius.
45:34So, you know like a 50p?
45:36Yeah.
45:36Sometimes you get special 50ps.
45:38Yeah.
45:38Some of them are really common
45:39and you can sell 150p for like £9.
45:42I've done that many times.
45:43What?
45:44I mean now I'm used to collect them for...
45:45You're like Martin Lewis!
45:47LAUGHTER
45:49Laura, thanks so much for being on the show.
45:51Thank you, Laura.
45:53APPLAUSE
45:57We are about to win the show with our alternative version
45:59of the Winter Paralympics opening ceremony
46:01but before we do, would you please thank our guests
46:03Penny Mordent!
46:05APPLAUSE
46:05Vittorio Ancelone!
46:07And Jamali Maddox!
46:10And my co-host Josh Whittakam!
46:12And Alex Brooker!
46:14APPLAUSE
46:15We'll be back next week with guests Richard Ayoade
46:17and Michelle Wolf
46:18but right now it's time to unveil our alternative version
46:21of the Winter Paralympics opening ceremony.
46:24Take it away Vittorio!
46:32Welcome to the Last Legs Winter Paralympic opening ceremony!
46:37The Olympics had Snoop Dogg
46:39but we've gone one better!
46:41Put your hands together for our own legendary rap goddess
46:46Introducing...
46:47Honey G!
46:56You should know, you should know that
46:58Honey G's not having anything today
47:01As we stand here totally crossed out
47:04We commence to make ya
47:06The Last Leg will make ya
47:08GB will make ya
47:10These skis will make ya
47:41Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
47:43Honey G will make ya
47:44Honey G will make ya
47:45The Last Leg will make ya
47:47The Last Leg will make ya
47:48GB will make ya
47:53The Last Leg
47:54Thanks for watching The Last Leg
47:54My name's Adam Hill
47:55See you next week for The Next Leg!
47:57One, two, three!
48:01Two, three!
48:10Two, three!
48:13Two, three!
48:15Two, three!iso!
48:15Yeah!MaMaMaMa
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