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Film World
#The Worst Film Festival Ever #web Series #Movie #HD #Film #TV Series
Recently dumped Alan, dreams of producing his own movies, but when his father suffers a heart attack, Alan is forced into running the Bargain basement Film Festival that Gabriel uses as a cynical money maker.
Released: 2025-04-28
Genre: Comedy
Casts: Baz Black, Richard Hawley, Mark Wingett, Melly Myers, Darren Tassell
Duration: 94 min
Country: United Kingdom
Production: Empire Productions
Transcript
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00:04:10Hello Giggles. Didn't know we were going to be a threesome tonight.
00:04:13What's the point in having a phone if you don't read your messages?
00:04:17Oh shit, sorry. No, I've been avoiding my dad all day, so... phone.
00:04:23I'm breaking up with you.
00:04:26Okay.
00:04:26It's not you. It's your dad.
00:04:32Eh?
00:04:32Not in that way. Just the way he controls everything you do.
00:04:39I'm waiting for the punchline here, but I'm sensing it's not coming.
00:04:44Look, my dad is just my dad. Like, I'm my own boss.
00:04:52Okay, but that is five unread messages, which I'm not going to read.
00:04:57I'm with Giggles.
00:05:00Caroline, I thought we were going to make a movie together.
00:05:04I think we're both done with that.
00:05:06You know, you know what? I think I'm just gonna...
00:05:25Oh God, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:05:27I'm good.
00:05:28I'm just gonna break one.
00:05:46I think we have to look down my back and down the road.
00:05:46I'm like...
00:05:46I don't think you're having a movie together.
00:05:47I can't wait to report that I've had a movie together.
00:05:48I might be the elevator, but I can't wait to see you in the back of my side.
00:05:48I don't know if you look back up, but I don't know.
00:05:56I'm wearing a moviego.
00:05:57Have you been? He's having a heart attack.
00:05:59Will the farmer?
00:06:01And a cow jumped over the moon.
00:06:03No, Dad!
00:06:04Gabriel, everything's gonna be okay. Alan's here now.
00:06:08Listen to me, son.
00:06:11Do you wanna make it in this business or fold shirts at the Chinese laundromat?
00:06:15Pledge.
00:06:16Um, how sure are we that this was a heart attack?
00:06:20Shit, no, the film festival.
00:06:22The film festival goes ahead.
00:06:26You're in charge.
00:06:27Gabriel, talk about this at the hospital. Where is this ambulance?
00:06:30Ambulance is on the way.
00:06:31No, Dad, Dad, cancel the film festival.
00:06:34Alan.
00:06:36I am not willing to donate a kidney, but I am willing to watch you die slowly if you're looking
00:06:41for that kind of thing.
00:06:42Huh.
00:06:45Any idea what you're gonna do?
00:06:47Uh, no, no, Will, I don't.
00:06:49Well, good luck with everything.
00:06:50Um, Will the farmer to present best picture?
00:06:54Oh.
00:06:55Oh.
00:06:56Oh.
00:07:04Oh.
00:07:05Oh, fun.
00:07:10Hey.
00:07:10Oh, oh.
00:07:13Somebody.
00:07:14I'm not.
00:07:15I don't wanna be somebody.
00:07:18I'm not.
00:07:20Standing in these shoes.
00:07:22Someone I'm not.
00:07:24I don't wanna be somebody.
00:07:27I'm not.
00:07:30Standing in my shoes
00:07:32I got this feeling that I'm always gonna lose
00:07:36I guess I know someday I'm gonna have to choose
00:07:41Cause I don't wanna hide away
00:07:44Yeah, yeah
00:07:46Somebody I'm not
00:07:49I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:07:54Standing in my shoes
00:07:56Someone I'm not
00:07:58Cause I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:08:04Standing in the line
00:08:06I never know when it's gonna be my time
00:08:10I got some merchants I don't really wanna shine
00:08:15Cause I don't wanna hide away
00:08:18Yeah, yeah
00:08:21Somebody I'm not
00:08:23I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:08:28Standing in my shoes
00:08:30Someone I'm not
00:08:32Cause I don't wanna be somebody I'm not
00:08:37So it goes
00:08:42Seems like I'm running blind
00:08:47But oh, you know
00:08:52It's like I'm stuck
00:08:55It's like I'm stuck
00:09:29You know, I think I'm gonna faint if we don't eat soon
00:09:33There's a Costa Starbucks back at the station
00:09:36I can get those anywhere
00:09:38There, I need authentic Edinburghan food
00:09:42I don't know if it's an actual word
00:09:44But it is now anyway
00:09:47Um, there's a greasy spoon three blocks from here
00:09:52Authentic Scottish cafe it says
00:09:54Perfect word
00:09:55I'm gonna use it in a sentence
00:09:58I just did
00:10:05Where all these Scottish fruits have been told about
00:10:09You're gonna cop a flower pot if you don't move them trotters
00:10:15At her butt
00:10:16Oh my god
00:10:25Are you sure?
00:10:27Of course
00:10:28He's got no reason to lie, I sure
00:10:31Can we go home then?
00:10:33Alan's sorting it out
00:10:35That can't be good
00:10:42Come on
00:10:43Come on
00:10:53How's it going?
00:10:55A few technical issues
00:10:56But then again, it's an old laptop
00:10:58So I probably need some replacing
00:10:59She means your dad, Alan
00:11:01Oh god
00:11:02Um
00:11:03Yeah, better, I think
00:11:06He left me a three-page text message this morning
00:11:08That he signed off with
00:11:09And don't mess this up
00:11:11So it's safe to say he's back at the farm on this festival
00:11:16That'll be fine
00:11:18See, he's working
00:11:21And gone again
00:11:22Mm-hmm
00:11:23Yep
00:11:27He's fucked
00:11:33Will!
00:11:35Gabriel's on the mend
00:11:36That's good
00:11:36Will, I still need a key speaker
00:11:38Please check out time for me
00:11:40No, Will, please
00:11:41I'll give you anything, okay?
00:11:42I have a kidney you can have
00:11:44It's barely been used
00:11:45When you get chased by a pack of taxidermists
00:11:48Don't play dead
00:12:06Er, is there no one here to meet us?
00:12:08It's fine, we'll just grab a taxi
00:12:11Did you not order car service?
00:12:13Oh, I'm sorry
00:12:14I'll just bung it on my credit card, shall I?
00:12:17There's no budget for this trip
00:12:22Seriously
00:12:31Good news or bad?
00:12:32My father would say this is a challenge
00:12:35So bad then?
00:12:36Yeah, it's not good
00:12:36One of my key speakers has pulled out
00:12:38He's got the flu
00:12:39One of the criteria for qualifying for an Academy Award
00:12:42Is you must provide at least two key speakers to tell you movies are good
00:12:49Alright, okay, it's fine, just breathe
00:12:53That's it
00:12:55Not the first guy to have a panic attack on us
00:12:57Look, if my dad doesn't kill me, Tug Speedman will
00:13:00Gods was a good movie, the ending was much so
00:13:03No, his father is paying for the festival
00:13:06You know this isn't your fault, right?
00:13:08Yes, but my dad can make it my fault
00:13:10Right, first things last
00:13:13What's a key speaker?
00:13:14Oh, I don't know
00:13:15It's got to be an actor or a celebrity
00:13:17Someone who can talk about their experience making movies with the other filmmakers
00:13:27Rachel
00:13:28Rachel
00:13:28Oh shit, yeah, Rachel Warren
00:13:30Who is Rachel Warren?
00:13:33Rachel
00:13:35She did that stupid werewolf movie with Jess
00:13:38It's in the festival
00:13:39Can you get her?
00:13:41Yeah, I know her well
00:13:42She'd love to come and be your celebrity
00:13:49You have no idea where we're going
00:13:52Yes, I do
00:13:58You
00:13:59It's this way, come on
00:14:02We made a movie about Chinese families in the 18th century
00:14:06Stories about mothers and daughters
00:14:12This country makes no sense
00:14:20Let's
00:14:21You can't sit here
00:14:22This person
00:14:22You're not supposed to talk to me
00:14:23You're not supposed to talk to me
00:14:24What?
00:14:26I want you
00:14:31The people of these families must understand
00:14:33Our lives are Arsenal
00:14:48Hey, remember what we spoke about?
00:14:51Yeah, yeah, Dad, no day joking.
00:14:55Hi, we're Ashraf and...
00:14:58Millie.
00:14:59I thought we was going with Millicent.
00:15:01We made Milicious Incent.
00:15:10Do I think we can win?
00:15:12Fuck yeah.
00:15:13Right, babe?
00:15:15Well, forget winning.
00:15:16I mean, I'm just here for the fit guys with their sexy Scottish brogue.
00:15:21I mean, I haven't met any just yet, but I did spot this guy.
00:15:24He looked a little bit like Chris Hemsworth on the plane.
00:15:26You know, the guy from Thor.
00:15:28I mean, given the chance, I didn't.
00:15:29I was Thor.
00:15:32You do know I'm not one of your pals, don't you?
00:15:34You know I can't just un-hear this stuff.
00:15:38Oh well.
00:15:41I'm not really hungry.
00:15:44Nominations for Best Actress are...
00:15:47Fran Whittaker for Hey, Mr. DJ.
00:15:49Where are you?
00:16:00I can explain.
00:16:01I want you to leave.
00:16:04Out of my house.
00:16:13What's black pudding?
00:16:15It's pork of beef blood mixed with oatmeal and fried.
00:16:18Are we in the same country?
00:16:21No.
00:16:21We're in Scotland.
00:16:24Esme Presley, poor gods of Shoreditch.
00:16:26Your sword skills do you a disservice, sir.
00:16:29The seal calls to you.
00:16:32But it is lying.
00:16:33That may be so.
00:16:35The seal is our portal to the future.
00:16:37It is the devil's work.
00:16:40Then the devil does fine work.
00:16:41How are the nominations?
00:16:43Oh yeah.
00:16:44It's in the back.
00:16:58Hi guys.
00:17:00We're the Kidnap Gang and we do kidnap pranks.
00:17:03This is my partner Darren.
00:17:05Hello, hello.
00:17:07Now, obviously we've entered two films into the festivals,
00:17:10which doubles our chances of winning something.
00:17:14But look, I've got to warn you.
00:17:15When we're about, there's always some fuckery afoot.
00:17:19Idiots.
00:17:20Both my dad and my uncle.
00:17:22Well, Gabriel, the guy who runs the festival,
00:17:24he invited us along.
00:17:26He thought we'd be some good entertainment.
00:17:42Joking, we got her.
00:17:43You didn't.
00:17:44She said she'd do it.
00:17:45Thanks, little madam.
00:17:46Oh, thank you.
00:17:47Thank you so much.
00:17:49Sorry, I'm not really a hugger, but you know what I mean.
00:17:51She said she'd like working with me.
00:17:53And the movie's nominated in the festival.
00:17:55You'll cover travel and bar bill.
00:17:57Yeah, bar bill?
00:17:58Yeah, but don't worry about that now.
00:18:00You have a speaker.
00:18:02Hey, is this an exclusive party or can anybody join in?
00:18:05Doug, you're here!
00:18:07Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:08That's good, that's good these dudes.
00:18:10No, seriously.
00:18:11Alert the paparazzi.
00:18:12Your dad has press at the awards.
00:18:16How are you?
00:18:17Jade.
00:18:18And what movie are you with?
00:18:19Sex.
00:18:20Hmm.
00:18:22Well, your film sounds interesting and equally your name.
00:18:26Both subjects I'd love to learn more about.
00:18:30Tug Speedman.
00:18:32Actor.
00:18:33Writer.
00:18:33Filmmaker.
00:18:35Triple Tread.
00:18:36Pow!
00:18:36Tug, have you checked in yet?
00:18:38It's actually just this way.
00:18:39I'll just show you where it is.
00:18:40I want that review.
00:18:49Listen, man.
00:18:51I didn't want to say anything in there.
00:18:53I didn't want to embarrass you.
00:18:55There was no one there to meet us at the airport.
00:18:57Oh, I didn't know we were...
00:19:00You know what?
00:19:01Technical issues.
00:19:03Get it together, man.
00:19:05You do realise what a big deal this is.
00:19:07To have me and my movie playing exclusively at your festival.
00:19:12Of course.
00:19:14I thought I played in Ireland.
00:19:17That wasn't a film festival.
00:19:19That was a tent with a projector.
00:19:21Right.
00:19:22No, this...
00:19:23This is the one we've been waiting for.
00:19:27Academy qualifying.
00:19:29You do realise this is going to be huge for my movie.
00:19:32And for your festival.
00:19:36Yes, I'll get it together.
00:19:37Yes, I'll get it together.
00:19:44We're in room 175.
00:19:47Esme Presley.
00:19:49That's my name.
00:19:50Don't wear it out.
00:19:55Don't mess this up.
00:19:57Right.
00:20:01Please let me help you with your bag.
00:20:03I'd be much obliged.
00:20:05He likes people to think I'm his assistant.
00:20:07Yeah, he's certainly a character with a small c.
00:20:11No, he's definitely something with a small c.
00:20:22We're going to need to separate these.
00:20:25Oh, like a twin room?
00:20:28Don't get me started.
00:20:30Tud likes his space to sleep.
00:20:32Proper diva.
00:20:36You can put that down.
00:20:38Oh, God, yeah, sorry.
00:20:41Is there a turndown service or do I tip?
00:20:45Hell no, no, I'm just helping.
00:20:48Just a thanks then.
00:20:51Instant coffee.
00:20:52I liked your movie.
00:20:55Well, no, I liked your role in it.
00:21:00It's okay, you can say it's crap, it is.
00:21:02No, no, it's not crap.
00:21:03It's just...
00:21:04It's unusual.
00:21:05It's time-travelling gangsters, so...
00:21:09But it's up for best picture and it's probably going to get the Oscar qualifying spot, so what do I
00:21:12know?
00:21:14Alan.
00:21:15That's your name, right?
00:21:16The festival director's son.
00:21:19Tug Speedman's a hack.
00:21:20And worse, a hack with a father with money.
00:21:23The writer's inspiration for Gods of Shoreditch was a story with strong female characters who brought about the end of
00:21:29the world of men.
00:21:30Instead, Tug turned a brilliant script into a wannabe gangster action movie.
00:21:36With so much nudity it could have been set in ancient Rome.
00:21:40Oh, I mean, I thought that it was...
00:21:42Sorry, darling. Body doubles for those scenes.
00:21:44Oh, no, no, I wasn't being weird, I was just...
00:21:46Alan, it's fine.
00:21:47I limit who sees me naked, including Tug.
00:21:52Oh, you thought...
00:21:54Alan, no.
00:21:55Hasn't been like that for a very long time.
00:21:57Tug, I imagine, is currently down in the bar, flirting with any tart, unlucky enough to be with an earshot.
00:22:10I know his father paid for the movie to win, and I'm fine with it.
00:22:14Oh.
00:22:16Alan?
00:22:17Yes?
00:22:20Do you want a coffee?
00:22:25That... that's... that's my dad. Um, I should...
00:22:28I didn't see him outside something okay?
00:22:31Uh... complicated, uh, but...
00:22:34Yeah.
00:23:00Hello, Alan.
00:23:03You all right?
00:23:04Um, yeah, all good. Um, the abjudice kit is here.
00:23:08Okay.
00:23:14Yes, we made a movie called Sex.
00:23:27At first, there was nothing.
00:23:31Then...
00:23:31There was woman.
00:23:44So, the role of the woman is the sole provider.
00:23:47The one given the pain is the only one that can take it away.
00:23:51My role is to assist of clients, but I'm also an actress.
00:23:55Oh...
00:23:56Not again with that stupid werewolf movie with...
00:23:58Rachel.
00:24:00Rachel was amazing to work with.
00:24:03And you too.
00:24:04Yeah.
00:24:05But...
00:24:06Both equally.
00:24:07Yeah, of course.
00:24:09Do you know what? Whatever, I don't care.
00:24:10Anyway.
00:24:11Can somebody take this off, please?
00:24:24You have 12 finalists in your festival this year?
00:24:28Uh, yes, they are the final 12.
00:24:31The opening ceremony is tonight, and there will be a party.
00:24:36Not quite a party person.
00:24:40Each film has been individually assessed and announced within the required time period?
00:24:47Yes.
00:24:47Uh, no formal queries from the other candidates.
00:24:50Uh, and my father has done all of the, uh, assessments.
00:24:54Your father?
00:24:56Yes.
00:24:57Spoke to him many times.
00:24:59On the phone.
00:25:00Never met.
00:25:02Where is he?
00:25:05Currently sorting out, um, something or other.
00:25:08You know what these crazy filmmakers are like.
00:25:13No!
00:25:14No!
00:25:21I'm absolutely mortified.
00:25:23I didn't mind, really.
00:25:25It was kind of fun.
00:25:26A bunch of kids, them too, honestly.
00:25:35Very amusing.
00:25:38My preference is to sit near the back and on the aisle for each showing.
00:25:45Yes, we can accommodate that.
00:25:47Your father is the signatory for the festival.
00:25:51Have him speak to me at his earliest convenience.
00:25:54Of course.
00:25:55No, no problem.
00:25:57Would you excuse me?
00:25:58I need to go and sort out a thing.
00:26:02I need to go and sort out a thing.
00:26:04I need to go and sort out a thing.
00:26:46No, no, no, no, no.
00:26:48You have certainly got the look.
00:26:50As if.
00:26:51He's like some old guy.
00:26:54you play your cards right i might just let you audition for me sometime so obviously networking
00:27:01is the best part of these events before tug realizes i'm a tease his next movie will already
00:27:07be out starring me i thought you might be hungry thank you for the breakfast cements beef for the
00:27:17film contestants but yeah they're not gonna miss it are they the adjudicator by your story
00:27:26jade ah how is your father doing still in the hospital and i think i think tug speedman might
00:27:33just kill me when he finds out so have you i always wanted to be an actress then come on
00:27:38move along
00:27:39romeo there's a cure here i'll talk to you later you seem to be doing okay so far just a
00:27:49few more
00:27:50days tug will be happy once he gets his coveted academy place do you like working with him you
00:27:56don't work with tug you experience the carnage he leaves in his wake you get used to the crazy
00:28:01after a few years yeah i was gonna pitch my film to him the god particle yeah i optioned the
00:28:07third
00:28:07book but i tell you what an award-nominated actress would look great on the cast list
00:28:12this is a shit business alan you can do your best performance and some hack director fumbles the ball
00:28:17in the edit hey no your character joe marsh and gods of shortage was amazing
00:28:22tets and ass don't make a movie at least my body double had a good bum
00:28:30the god particle is a black ops super soldier who seeks vengeance after they have been betrayed
00:28:38on a mission gone terribly wrong good pitch yeah but without esme presley in it it's just another
00:28:43silly spy adventure
00:28:48actually can you just give me a full second please
00:28:53alan my man how are we right we all set for my screening yes of course um emmets yes yes
00:29:00no
00:29:01it's only because i heard there was some like technical issues who told you that
00:29:04no never mind uh no everything's fine we're good to go perfect so yeah we made a horror movie
00:29:09yes i play a maid don't you play a maid in jade's movie too typecasting is a good thing
00:29:15do you actually watch the movies have you seen mine it's got rachel on it uh no my dad watches
00:29:20the film that's more his thing oh hi hey um the breakfasts are actually just for the film
00:29:27candidates so uh i appreciate it yeah yeah no so that that that means sorry but what if i was
00:29:35a film
00:29:39contestant okay okay look if you want to go like just like wait in the lobby and wait till they're
00:29:43all gone i'll come give you a shout and how'd they print the application form from the library
00:29:47that was a nightmare well i think so like sorry i ain't taking a blame for that yeah hang on
00:29:53you've
00:29:53made a movie sure just like all the cats up in this gef it's a personal story a flick about
00:29:59loving on the streets mike in your face that's that's actually really impressive i'm not sure
00:30:06how you do that check it shot on a phone edited at a library the equipment was 90s but it's
00:30:14all good
00:30:15uh well that that is all good but um the applications closed uh two months ago now so
00:30:22understands completely but listen here i ain't interested in what you're selling for me this is
00:30:28a golden opportunity of honest food and a bed for the night please i i really don't know how else
00:30:34to
00:30:35say this but all of the final films have been announced we can't add this that's how it is
00:30:44sorry what's your name mike iron mike wow intimidating name it's because we're i'm bedding down
00:30:50i have like three iron baths tied together so iron mike makes perfect sense listen alan's gonna take
00:30:58your application because he's good at problem solving and he very much wants to impress me
00:31:03i don't know i was thinking what was that simple you did a very kind thing for a homeless man
00:31:09and it
00:31:09did impress me okay yeah that is very nice but all the films have already been announced esme
00:31:14i don't think he cares morning oh shit i mean morning your father down for breakfast uh you know
00:31:24he was but he's an early riser so you know how it is we're just going to meet him now
00:31:29the signatory
00:31:30is a very important part of the process of course
00:31:41i played lord harrington of mortar
00:31:48beast must die
00:31:52whatever you think's best
00:31:58i'm now unarmed
00:32:01not prevent you from doing your duty
00:32:06maybe she should kill us both
00:32:10you've been bitten mistress
00:32:15the wolf
00:32:19courses
00:32:20through my veins
00:32:23run
00:32:27so yeah it's a movie with a werewolf in it his sister hates that we're together
00:32:34in the movie look i spent a lot of time and energy into this ending and trust me once people
00:32:42see
00:32:42what we've done here it's best film winners might ours and everyone that was in the movie
00:33:01the movie
00:33:02what do you think we try this year
00:33:02i hate you
00:33:03i hate you
00:33:13i hate you
00:33:19i hate you
00:33:29Agnes, I just...
00:33:31I'm sorry for frightening you, Lady Harrington.
00:33:38Callum, go back to the house.
00:33:41Elizabeth.
00:33:45Now.
00:34:09No, no, not now!
00:34:12Everyone look into the...
00:34:19God damn it!
00:34:21What? No one saw the ending!
00:34:33I'm here.
00:34:38It was just an utter shit show.
00:34:41I was pretty awesome as the maid.
00:34:53Are you okay?
00:35:05Are you fucking kidding me?!
00:35:08Did you just leave and come back so you could do that?
00:35:11Take some water.
00:35:13Fuck water! I want some fucking cocaine!
00:35:17Oh, fuck. Just call my fucking sponsor.
00:35:23You.
00:35:25Is your pathetic father gonna make it or not?
00:35:28Tell me.
00:35:29Uh...
00:35:29I don't know, but I'm obviously hoping.
00:35:32It's not his fault.
00:35:36Of course you knew!
00:35:38Everybody knows except poor old Tug!
00:35:41It wasn't like that.
00:35:43Look, as long as the adjudicator doesn't find out, we're fine.
00:35:46We're fine.
00:35:49We're fine.
00:35:50Yeah, we're fine.
00:35:50Yeah, we're fine.
00:35:51Until he visits your poor little feeble dad on his fucking deathbed!
00:35:56Tug, his father's still alive. Take that back.
00:35:59I'll tell you one thing, boyo.
00:36:01He's not gonna be alive when my dad gets his hands on him.
00:36:04Or if you make this go catch up!
00:36:10Yeah.
00:36:13I'm going to the bar.
00:36:15Fuck my sponsor.
00:36:17AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
00:36:37Really? I thought you had to call your sponsor.
00:36:42You didn't drink it.
00:36:44Right, you thought about it. And you promised.
00:36:49Go away, Esme.
00:36:51I'm not cleaning up after you again.
00:36:55Well, do you know what, Mum?
00:36:57Do you know what I'm going to get you for Christmas?
00:36:59A nice big wooden cross.
00:37:02So next time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices,
00:37:07you can climb on up there and nail yourself to it.
00:37:22Look, it's...
00:37:26What are you? What are you doing?
00:37:34Yes, the movie did well. We are very proud.
00:37:46The Adjudicator, of course, he picks the winner.
00:37:50You are a good one, right?
00:37:52Yes, you are. That is not correct.
00:37:55He's just an official. Gabriel chose the winner.
00:37:58I know, Alan, and I hope we have made a big impression on him and his father Gabriel.
00:38:04We do rap movie next.
00:38:07The Adjudicator, of course, is the 1997Maybe Monster's Moodle!
00:38:10What would you do the whole process?
00:38:12The Adjudicator is organic.
00:38:13I would like to say, how did you handle him that you would love a good one?
00:38:15I would like to say, darling!
00:38:25I would like to say, darling!
00:38:33shortage but some were more comfortable than others. I think sometimes nudity is
00:38:42considered controversial in some cultures because it challenges the
00:38:46standards of modesty. Yes exactly nudity it's a state of mind I'll happily wander
00:38:54around the house all day with no clothes on just let it all hang out feel that
00:38:58breeze it's it's quite liberating would I be shallow if I said size doesn't
00:39:06matter it's perfectly adequate is it true that it's all a force I don't really
00:39:22know well you seem very close with Ellen you must have told you something this is
00:39:28starting to feel like an intervention or maybe an interrogation it's because
00:39:33everyone is hiding something. Esme we're just curious this festival is really
00:39:40important to us we have vested interest look I don't want to speak out of turn
00:39:47and I understand that you guys are anxious but really you have to speak to Alan
00:39:51about this. We will don't you worry about that. The mountain has arrived you know we
00:40:02all know that you're here. Can you help with this please? They know Alan you might
00:40:07as well just tell me the truth. The truth will set you free. Okay I've spoken to my
00:40:12dad in the hospital he is getting better. It is a question of whether he can do the
00:40:16sign-off though. No he can't not while he's in hospital. What's the sign-off? The
00:40:22festival director has to sign off on the adjudicator's paperwork. Can't Alan do
00:40:27that? Are you the festival director Alan? No I'm the... Yeah not the festival
00:40:33director then. What's that smell? Listen monkey boy I swear to God and the sunny
00:40:42Jesus if you don't find a solution I'm gonna drop kick your head. And I've done
00:40:47seven days intensive stage combat. You watch yourself.
00:41:03Forget the gold particle this is producing. Oh yeah just without the money or the
00:41:08credit. You'll cut out for greater things. Yeah well you clearly haven't met my dad
00:41:12he's gonna kill my movie. Still living in his shadow just like Tug. Be though I know
00:41:19himself be true. Yeah well that's really easy for you so you're an award-winning
00:41:22actress with a string of movie titles behind you and I'm just... And you're
00:41:26currently a festival director. Ah yeah I see trying to sway influence with the
00:41:31festival director to try and win an award. It's not gonna work. Oh my what's a girl
00:41:36got to do? Mate, borrow your shaver? Yeah sure whatever you need. Keep that towel on and I'll cut your
00:41:46hair.
00:41:47Hotel cleaning service? For sure. Mike can we grab a look at your movie? Sure. It's your funeral.
00:42:04Well this is it. This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight. Because I did have three
00:42:12iron bathtubs. They were all tied together. It was really really really good. Always
00:42:18gonna be checking the buns because you just don't know what's on these buns. Mike this is good.
00:42:26And phone boxes. Always keep your eye out filling in. A lot of people must them. It's really good.
00:42:34good.
00:43:12You, uh, you calm down, yeah?
00:43:17Can I sit?
00:43:18Help yourself, you usually do.
00:43:21I wake up this morning and you're gone.
00:43:23Didn't think you'd notice they're intensely snoring.
00:43:28I'm at a loss here, Esme.
00:43:30What's going on?
00:43:32Do you remember the little talk me and you had?
00:43:35I support you, you support me.
00:43:39That's all I ever do, is support you.
00:43:42Yeah, well, you've been missing an action all weekend.
00:43:46I've been here all this time.
00:43:48The question is, where have you been?
00:43:51Clever.
00:43:53How's that working out for you?
00:43:57That's the thing about relationships.
00:43:59They give you reason to live.
00:44:02Revenge.
00:44:04Hey, hey, do you remember this?
00:44:07I've heard there was a secret chord.
00:44:10No.
00:44:10That David played, it pleased the Lord.
00:44:14But you don't really care for movies, do you?
00:44:19It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth.
00:44:23Sit down.
00:44:24The major falls, the minor lifts, the baffled king composing, hallelujah.
00:44:34No?
00:44:36Those old cheap moves aren't going to work on me anymore.
00:44:39I've got plenty of new cheap moves for you.
00:44:41How are you going to face all these people when they find out you paid for the award?
00:44:45The question is, babe, do you feel paid for?
00:45:01Esme!
00:45:06That's bad, Gigi, mate.
00:45:07You need to let her take a moment.
00:45:08But she's upset.
00:45:11Having your bridges burned is never going to be easy.
00:45:13But she's strong.
00:45:27I think it's better from an older person.
00:45:31But this is your fault, Jess.
00:45:33You were in a fucking movie.
00:45:35She was very giving as an actress.
00:45:37Okay, can one of you please just tell me what's going on?
00:45:43Rachel can't do it.
00:45:44Oh!
00:45:45We forgot Jade posted on Rachel's socials that she was so bitchy she's probably playing the werewolf.
00:45:51Why?
00:45:52Because it was my role!
00:45:54Oh!
00:46:01Wow.
00:46:02What a transformation.
00:46:04Hey, got myself some new threads.
00:46:09It's going to be a long night.
00:46:24I mean, this is getting ridiculous.
00:46:29Sorry.
00:46:30Caroline!
00:46:31Hi!
00:46:32Um...
00:46:33Hey, Alan.
00:46:35Can I be the most beautiful girl in the world?
00:46:38Uh...
00:46:39Uh...
00:46:39Caroline, wow.
00:46:41Um...
00:46:41What are you doing here?
00:46:42I mean, I'm glad that you are, but...
00:46:45Why?
00:46:47Seems most men take advantage.
00:46:50Except you, of course.
00:46:52Giggles was a mistake.
00:46:54Ha ha.
00:46:55I'll still do your announcements.
00:46:57If you want me.
00:46:59Really?
00:47:00Oh, Caroline, absolutely.
00:47:01That'd be amazing.
00:47:02Yes, yes, thank you.
00:47:03Thank you so much.
00:47:05Wow, slaying it, Mike.
00:47:07Nobody even seen a man on a suit?
00:47:10Uh, she's just getting a bit excited.
00:47:12Our film's showing today.
00:47:14Malicious intent.
00:47:15Gangster comedy.
00:47:16Has malicious intent even got a chance?
00:47:19Well, it's a lower budget than Tug's film, but...
00:47:21Hopefully we spent the money where it really mattered.
00:47:25We got the secret ingredient.
00:47:27Me?
00:47:28I'm the secret ingredient.
00:47:30Well, look, when Millie was ten, we'd done a short film together called Daddy's Girl.
00:47:37Those clips are a springboard for malicious intent.
00:47:41It's like the story picks up from that point.
00:47:45She was much cuter then.
00:47:47Not such a pain in the arse.
00:47:52Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know who's going to grow up to be famous,
00:47:57so just make yourself available.
00:47:59Oh, don't be a top.
00:48:00Well, I wish it was Beyonce.
00:48:06I've been looking for you.
00:48:08I found me.
00:48:09Well, I thought maybe you wanted some space.
00:48:11Good choice.
00:48:13Or you could just kill all the girls prettier than me.
00:48:15Or maybe just Tug, so.
00:48:20Where are all the good guys, Dad?
00:48:22In the heart or in the head?
00:48:24You think I'm a good guy?
00:48:27Well, when your instinct tells you to do something, you don't do it.
00:48:31So maybe when it tells you not to, that's when you should.
00:48:35Oh.
00:48:38Read the room, Alan.
00:48:39This is the consensual kissing part.
00:48:44Caroline's back.
00:48:50Your ex that caught with your best friend, Caroline?
00:48:53Yeah.
00:48:54She wants to present the awards.
00:48:57That's good, I guess.
00:48:58Great for you.
00:48:59Well, the whole thing with giggles was a mistake.
00:49:01I mean, I always thought so, but I guess she's realised it too, so...
00:49:05Yeah, no, great.
00:49:06So pleased for you.
00:49:09Are you okay?
00:49:10Yeah, just peachy.
00:49:12Learning lessons all the time.
00:49:14Right, um, um, sorry, just one second.
00:49:30Ladies and gentlemen, I would be happy to present our next film, Malicious Intent.
00:49:36No, no, no, no.
00:49:38Wait, wait, wait!
00:49:43Um, my apologies.
00:49:49There will now be a short interval as I need a word with the festival director.
00:49:55Young man, this is totally irregular.
00:50:01My paperwork should have been signed and she mailed off this morning.
00:50:07Look, I understand.
00:50:08He's just busy.
00:50:10He's fobbed me off with that before.
00:50:12Where is your father?
00:50:14He is festival director.
00:50:15Fully understand.
00:50:16Uh, end of the next movie.
00:50:18He'll be here.
00:50:18Yeah, listen, young man.
00:50:20This might seem like a game to you, but it's also my job.
00:50:24And I don't like explaining to my line managers that I can't manage a simple task such as getting a...
00:50:31Signature!
00:50:33Stand on me.
00:50:34I will sort it.
00:50:37It's our big day.
00:50:40Uh, yeah.
00:50:42It is.
00:51:03I curse them to hell as her boat fought the swell.
00:51:08Our ship danced like a moth in the firelight.
00:51:13Wild horses rode high as the devil passed by.
00:51:17Taking souls into Hades by twilight.
00:51:23Five weeks out to sea, we were now 43.
00:51:27We buried our comrades each morning.
00:51:31In our own slime, we were lost in the time.
00:51:37Endless night, we were dawning.
00:51:44Oh, I wish I was back home in Derry.
00:51:49Oh, I wish I was...
00:51:54So essentially, it's like a black ops agent.
00:51:57Oh, oh, Caroline, you have to meet our president movie star, Esme Presley.
00:52:02Today, everyone's a star.
00:52:04They're all billed as star angle, also starring without earning that recognition.
00:52:09Caroline, you're back from outer space.
00:52:12I notice you cry a lot in your films.
00:52:15Your tear ducts must be very close to your bladder.
00:52:18Has Alan talked you into the presenting?
00:52:20Oh, these best actress nominees, and I'm just thinking, shut up and get a salad.
00:52:25Uh, so, um, Caroline thinks that we should just come clean with your adjudicator.
00:52:30Not the best idea.
00:52:32Is that your own thought, or do you need a screenwriter?
00:52:37Caroline, we should be friends.
00:52:40Yes, I agree. Best friends.
00:52:46I think that ending needs work.
00:52:47How about less silly questions and a bit more shut the hell up?
00:52:51How did you make her look younger in the film? Was that computer stuff?
00:52:56This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep.
00:53:00I ain't saying anything.
00:53:01So then, your, uh, your style's clearly more...
00:53:05...gangster than it is horror?
00:53:07Hey, that character played Dudley in your movie?
00:53:10He was awesome.
00:53:14Joy.
00:53:16All right, ladies and gentlemen, our next film is...
00:53:22Sex.
00:53:24Have fun.
00:54:06Turn around and bend over.
00:54:14I think it's time to leave.
00:54:17I'm young. I'm all dressed up.
00:54:19I'm on my way to marry the asexual awakening.
00:54:22And there's 290 years separating me from the films of Kevin Smith.
00:54:26But that doesn't mean it's true.
00:54:42Tough love.
00:54:43Tough love.
00:54:44Tough love.
00:54:47It's complete love.
00:54:50It's complete love.
00:55:02Didn't fancy sex then?
00:55:04It was beauty that killed the beast.
00:55:07Malicious intent should be good competition for Tug.
00:55:10It might blindside him.
00:55:13We can hope so.
00:55:14But look, I'm probably the most non-competitive person here,
00:55:17so I win.
00:55:20Secrets and lies.
00:55:23Come with me.
00:55:28This is bang out of order.
00:55:30Have you any idea how much shit I went through to get the day off today?
00:55:33This ain't my day job, you know.
00:55:35It's not Alan's fault.
00:55:37Well, this does land squarely on Alan's door.
00:55:40I was thinking, since no one saw the ending of my film,
00:55:44can we screen it again, maybe?
00:55:48Look at you, all of you.
00:55:50No problem is too big, we can't fix it if we work together.
00:55:55Esme, you're beautiful on the inside,
00:55:57but it's important you understand your limitations.
00:56:01Alan, what I'm saying is, if anyone actually saw the ending of the film,
00:56:05then people would know that my character disguises itself as older.
00:56:08I will play your dad and I will sign off this whole festival.
00:56:16What?
00:56:17Go on.
00:56:18Good range.
00:56:21Hit him.
00:56:23I can't play Gabriel.
00:56:25That accent's incredibly tricky.
00:56:27If you don't do it, then all of this is over for everyone.
00:56:32Hello, son. How are you?
00:56:35God, this has disaster written all over it.
00:56:39Something is missing.
00:56:40Could be range.
00:56:42The meanness.
00:56:44Yeah, Gabriel is an arsehole.
00:56:47Oi, I'm not happy and I don't like it.
00:56:50Oh my God.
00:56:53Esme.
00:56:55Is my foot scrub in there?
00:56:58Yes, it's gonna be brilliant.
00:57:03And bring me a razor as well, will you?
00:57:04Yeah.
00:57:22You've been blowing hot and cold me all day.
00:57:25Everything's fine in my world.
00:57:28You might want to tell your face that.
00:57:31This is a big day for us.
00:57:33You bought the award, Tug. Hardly meritable.
00:57:37I read a book about this once.
00:57:38You sure it was a book?
00:57:40You sure it wasn't nothing?
00:57:42This is show business.
00:57:43Not care business.
00:57:46You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.
00:57:49And do you not want to meet a producer?
00:57:52And just for that, when the movie comes out, I'm gonna get Matt Damon to play you.
00:57:57Oh.
00:57:58Well maybe I'll get Jade to play you then.
00:58:01Jade?
00:58:02Yeah.
00:58:03Your new producing partner.
00:58:05A little girl on girl action.
00:58:10I'm joking.
00:58:12Unless, unless you'd be up for it.
00:58:22Jesus, I was only joking.
00:58:24It's not a joke. I'm feeling lost.
00:58:27Hey.
00:58:28I've heard there was a secret chord.
00:58:30Stop.
00:58:31That Michael played to please the Lord.
00:58:33Stop!
00:58:33Stop her.
00:58:36If I explained it I think I'd only confuse you.
00:58:41Do you know what?
00:58:43I think it's times like this.
00:58:44If I wasn't a multi-award win and talented filmmaker and you were just an ordinary girl, then we wouldn't
00:58:50have these problems.
00:58:53On Gods of Shoreditch, I was supposed to be an associate producer, but in reality I was more of a
00:58:59dog's body.
00:59:00Seriously, this again.
00:59:02I told you.
00:59:04It's whatever it takes to get this shot.
00:59:09Look, you can produce the next one in full.
00:59:13Yeah, my dad's already on board.
00:59:15Take that back and I'll kill you.
00:59:19You're the producer.
00:59:22Game face on.
00:59:24Hooray for Hollywood.
00:59:37When did you hold the bloody lift?
00:59:39Oh, didn't I?
00:59:43Come on.
00:59:44Come on.
00:59:48Yes.
00:59:49Oh, God.
01:00:06Come on.
01:00:09Are you not going to change for the paparazzi shorts?
01:00:12It's not really my thing.
01:00:13Besides, Gabriel would wear something like this, right?
01:00:16No, I've got a bad feeling about this.
01:00:18Listen, son, I've got this old routine work there.
01:00:21No routine, okay? This isn't an audition.
01:00:23Just say hello and then sign the pissing document.
01:00:26Where's your wife?
01:00:27I think we should just come clean.
01:00:29Hello.
01:00:31You must be the adjudicator.
01:00:34My son Alan's been telling me all about you.
01:00:38Sorry for being a bit busy.
01:00:40This film festival malarkey kept me on me toes.
01:00:42Yes.
01:00:43Seems to have ramped up a notch with the screening of Gods of Shoreditch.
01:00:48One of my personal favorites?
01:00:51Um, now that you're here, my paperwork needs a signature.
01:00:58Absolutely.
01:01:00Happy to.
01:01:06Oh, sorry.
01:01:08Forgot who I was there for a second.
01:01:12Is that a what?
01:01:13Yeah.
01:01:14I'll need a final signing off when the winners are announced.
01:01:20Your accent seems off.
01:01:25Oh, it's...
01:01:27It's posh voice.
01:01:30A posh telephone voice.
01:01:33Yeah.
01:01:33I should use it all the time, really.
01:01:36Right.
01:01:36Your Honor.
01:01:37May I show you to the next screening?
01:01:43Oh.
01:01:46You know, my movies are inherently amazing.
01:01:50It's all about the big screen.
01:01:53And it's not easy being an action star.
01:02:02Shouldn't you be up there now that you're here?
01:02:06Yes.
01:02:07Uh, absolutely.
01:02:09He is such a star when it comes to these things.
01:02:17Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce to you Gods of Shoreditch.
01:02:25And its stars, big round of applause for its stars, Esme Presley and Tugs Beatman.
01:02:46Good entrance.
01:02:48You want to see the one I'm going to make when I, uh, win my award?
01:02:54What?
01:02:55No!
01:02:55Get out!
01:02:58Crazy filmmakers trying to draw attention to their film.
01:03:02I thought they were quite fun.
01:03:08You know, they do say I'm the new Robert Rodriguez.
01:03:10Except I star in my own movies as well.
01:03:13Maybe Robert was smarter.
01:03:21You fought well, despite the twisted ankle.
01:03:25You will live to fight another day.
01:03:28And I assure you, it is not serious.
01:03:30I took the liberty of feeling the bone.
01:03:33And it is perfectly sound.
01:03:36Oh, sir, how will I ever thank you?
01:03:39Please, do not think of it.
01:03:42It is my honor to serve you.
01:03:45Will you not be seated?
01:03:47Pray excuse me.
01:03:49I do not wish to leave a watermark.
01:03:54Permit me to call tomorrow afternoon,
01:03:57so that I may inquire after you.
01:04:04Fight hard.
01:04:06Fight for me.
01:04:14Alan's, uh, pitching me some shitty book movie.
01:04:18The Gold Particle's the third book in a series.
01:04:22That guy!
01:04:24The Irish Connection.
01:04:25Masaka and fucking Chips.
01:04:28Shit!
01:04:29That director is the worst.
01:04:32He couldn't even direct traffic.
01:04:34You know, they should have come to me,
01:04:36Tug Speedman.
01:04:39You know I'm right, babe.
01:04:54You know what?
01:04:55Fun and happiness in short supply.
01:04:57Out of the frying pan and into the fire.
01:05:00It's always difficult when one person moves on.
01:05:02Hmm.
01:05:04I spoke to Dad this morning.
01:05:06He's recovering, but no mention of my movie, so...
01:05:10Nice guys doing finish last.
01:05:12Yeah.
01:05:15You're planning something that's going to get me in trouble, aren't you?
01:05:18Oh, most definitely.
01:05:42You best move out of the way and let me be.
01:05:44This is not how it works.
01:05:47Last time on the stunt, boy!
01:05:49Last time on the stunt, boy!
01:05:49Oh!
01:05:49Maybe you're a stunk?
01:05:50Ack!
01:05:57Ack?!
01:05:58Ack!
01:06:00Ack!
01:06:02Ack!
01:06:03Oh!
01:06:03Stop!
01:06:18Alan?
01:06:23Thank you everyone for your kind words and praise.
01:06:26The buffet has been provided by yours truly.
01:06:29Fill your guts.
01:06:33You really don't have to do this.
01:06:35You know they have a meal before their wards.
01:06:37These ain't for me.
01:06:54That went well.
01:06:55Thanks for that.
01:06:56What happened to the group?
01:06:58This is the best fun I've had all year.
01:07:06What's this?
01:07:08Naughty movies?
01:07:09Or my ransom demands?
01:07:13We have a late entry to the film festival.
01:07:17And I wanted you to experience it in my lovely company.
01:07:26Late entries are highly irregular.
01:07:36But this could be a lot of fun.
01:07:40Well, this is it.
01:07:42This is where Iron Mike is staying tonight.
01:07:47Because I did have three iron bathtubs.
01:07:49They were all tied together.
01:07:51And it was really, really, really good.
01:07:55I don't know what you want me to say.
01:07:57Mike's was the best film.
01:07:59I have no patience with best.
01:08:01I have no patience with fairness.
01:08:04Life is not fair.
01:08:05Love is not fair.
01:08:07And as long as we still breathe the air of a free capitalist society.
01:08:13Business will never be fair.
01:08:18Sacrifice, Alan.
01:08:20Like the kamikaze pilots used to do.
01:08:23Yeah, that's a discomforting stay, isn't it?
01:08:25Hemorrhoids cause discomfort.
01:08:28This is open heart surgery.
01:08:36Fuck the phone, Alan.
01:08:38You said I could produce.
01:08:40I will knock you the fuck out right here, right now.
01:08:44We did the right thing.
01:08:47Are you okay?
01:08:51Movie stars do not have opinions.
01:08:56Sorry, I know you're his dad.
01:08:58But Alan worked damn hard throughout this festival.
01:09:00And I suppose the bros code is over now, you fucking tugs wife.
01:09:05I think I'm done here.
01:09:09We're bloody ruins.
01:09:22Oh, Alan.
01:09:24You know what I'm gonna say.
01:09:25Yes, I know.
01:09:25You're ending.
01:09:26But I'm not being funny.
01:09:27The only thing I care about ending is this festival.
01:09:29Eyes front.
01:09:31God, does making movies have to be all this difficult?
01:09:34I'm looking forward to this.
01:09:35Who's doing your presentation?
01:09:37Hope is a surprise.
01:09:38Oh, me too.
01:09:39If she shows up.
01:09:41Hmm?
01:09:42Hmm?
01:09:42Hmm.
01:09:43I do love surprises.
01:09:57Ladies and gentlemen, please put your hands together for our wonderful guest speaker, Caroline Doherty.
01:10:08So very glad to be here this evening amongst all the wonderful filmmakers and stars.
01:10:15To be a filmmaker, you have to be psychotic in your desire to do something.
01:10:21For the first category, Best Actress in a Feature Film, Millie Ward.
01:10:28Malicious Attempt.
01:10:33Esme Presley in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:10:39And Fran Walsh in Hey Mr. DJ.
01:10:45And the winner is...
01:10:47This is just a start.
01:10:49Esme Presley.
01:10:55So very well done.
01:10:56I would like to show my immense gratitude to all of the team involved in Gods.
01:11:09And for our first Best Picture nominee, we have Hey Mr. DJ.
01:11:15You didn't think to tank me, the man who made it all happen.
01:11:18A film about a time in the 90s where DJs were gods and gangsters ruled the streets.
01:11:25Your ego will be strict enough tonight.
01:11:27Let's have a look.
01:11:34What'd you throw up there?
01:11:36Just some bags I was storing stuff in.
01:11:41Right, get yourself freshened up.
01:11:42Got a great place for us to go to.
01:11:44Oscar, I'm not feeling up to it.
01:11:45Hey!
01:11:46You're single now remember?
01:11:47Half an hour off.
01:11:50And the next category is Best Newcomer nominees.
01:11:55Lin Chang for Opera in The Evening Garden.
01:11:59Millie Ward for Malicious Intent.
01:12:02And Jess Bronski in Mysterious.
01:12:07And the winner is Millie Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:12:17Oh my God, I don't even know what to say.
01:12:19Thank you so much to the festival.
01:12:22Thank you so much to everyone that I've met.
01:12:25And if you would like to come for drinks afterwards, then meet me at 7th.
01:12:31She knows how proud I am of her, doesn't ya?
01:12:34Hey, I was nervous and I got one.
01:12:37I mean, it looks like roughly the right shape.
01:12:40I mean, it's gonna save me a ton of berries.
01:12:43And our next Best Film nominee is for Malicious Intent.
01:13:05And the next category is Best Editing nominees.
01:13:10We have Emmett Bronski in Mysterious.
01:13:13Target Speedman for Gods of Shoreditch.
01:13:17George Chang for Opera in the Evening Garden.
01:13:21And the winner is...
01:13:24Well, this is a vindication considering no one saw the ending.
01:13:27And our third Best Film nominee is Gods of Shoreditch, a story about time-travelling gangsters.
01:13:36By night one way, by day another, this shall be the norm.
01:13:40Until you take true love's first kiss, and love takes its true form.
01:13:50And a rather exciting category, Best Actor nominees.
01:13:59We have George Chang in Opera in Evening Garden.
01:14:04And Ashraf Ward in Malicious Intent.
01:14:09Tug Speedman in Gods of Shoreditch.
01:14:13And the winner is...
01:14:17Tug Speedman.
01:14:21Gutted, mate.
01:14:22Proper gutted.
01:14:24I honestly thought I was in movie chat.
01:14:27Me too.
01:14:29I was the best actor.
01:14:31And our fourth Best Film nominee...
01:14:34I didn't know nothing about no, for nomination.
01:14:37It's a work of modern day art versus immense need.
01:14:41Now let's have a look at To Homelessness and the Man by Mike Reed.
01:14:46So there's certain things that you would do, well certain things you look for,
01:14:49like shopping centre, pounds on the traleys.
01:14:52That's a pound, like, pounds, like, 200 pound.
01:14:58And we're down to the final award of the evening.
01:15:01Best overall film of the festival.
01:15:05And the winner is...
01:15:07Hardly a win if you paid for it.
01:15:11Mike Reed.
01:15:24Well, it looks like Mike just won Best Film Tag.
01:15:28You're fucking...
01:15:30Thanks and everything.
01:15:32The beds are really comfortable.
01:15:38This isn't right.
01:15:40That fucking film wasn't even in the program.
01:15:43What the hell even is this fucking shit film?
01:15:45My daddy paid for all of this.
01:15:48What are you talking about?
01:15:50This was all paid for.
01:15:52No, not him.
01:15:53That's just a shit actor.
01:15:55This is outrageous.
01:15:57I knew something was wrong.
01:16:01Okay.
01:16:02I thought he was pretty convincing.
01:16:05You've falsified records.
01:16:07There may well be charges.
01:16:09What charges?
01:16:11No, no, no, please.
01:16:11All right, look, I'm sorry.
01:16:12This whole thing was my fault.
01:16:14Don't punish or charge anyone else.
01:16:16My dad, Gabriel, guy from the phone, had a massive heart attack.
01:16:21And he had so much money invested in this festival.
01:16:24And is Tug Speedman telling the truth?
01:16:27Technically, yes.
01:16:28Most of it was his money.
01:16:30His father's money.
01:16:31Yes, but we went with our hearts.
01:16:33And that's why Mike won Best Film.
01:16:35I don't judge the films.
01:16:38Merely here to make sure that the festival is run properly.
01:16:41From what you're telling me, this has been an absolute farce.
01:16:53Mr. Audjudicator, excuse me for interrupting.
01:16:56I have known Esme a long time.
01:16:59And, well, if my word has any bearing.
01:17:02Ms. Warren, I am a huge fan of your movies.
01:17:22And your words do carry significant weight.
01:17:27But this is an official matter.
01:17:30Mm, I fully understand that.
01:17:35But if Esme says that Homeless Man is the best film,
01:17:42I would not disagree.
01:17:44Thank you, Rachel.
01:17:47You're welcome.
01:18:13Producers, um, is this jacket okay?
01:18:16It feels a bit big.
01:18:21Sometimes he's got to take the chances.
01:18:23Do you regret taking a chance on me?
01:18:25Who am I to argue with the producer?
01:18:32Do you miss Tuck?
01:18:35Wherever he is and whatever he's doing,
01:18:37let's just hope he's not missing us.
01:18:51Total submission, bitches.
01:18:54Is this going to hurt?
01:18:56True love is pain.
01:18:59This has been a hard time.
01:20:02I'm not playing a streetwalker.
01:20:05It's a tart with a heart.
01:20:07What? A second rate streetwalker wearing an outfit like this?
01:20:09I'm first class, one best newcomer.
01:20:11Just do it, Harry's written, please, babe.
01:20:16Idiot.
01:20:19So you know the saying, never work with children or animals.
01:20:24Not me really.
01:20:26I'm not playing a streetwalker.
01:20:27You know what?
01:20:32I'm not playing a streetwalker.
01:20:33You know what?
01:20:33You know what?
01:21:02In yaya haitya mi amiju
01:21:44Some beautiful paths can't be discovered without getting lost.
01:21:50I never did thank you, did I?
01:22:00I've got something for you.
01:22:02Oh God, please do not kidnap me now.
01:22:05You'll like this.
01:22:10Oh please, he did it to himself when we went back on his word.
01:22:15You're welcome.
01:22:18Why did you just not leave us alone?
01:22:21We told you time and time again, but you still don't listen to you, sister.
01:22:30Oh, okay.
01:22:31All right?
01:22:32Oh.
01:22:33Oh.
01:22:34Oh.
01:22:34Oh.
01:22:37Oh.
01:22:37Oh.
01:22:47Oh.
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