- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:13Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the Lawn Bomb,
00:00:23the world's first and only fully automated lawn mowing machine.
00:00:30No longer must man be enslaved to the brutish chore of mowing the lawn.
00:00:38It took my experts five years to bring my creation to life.
00:00:49It will revolutionize modern suburbia.
00:00:54Now, behold, Lawn Bomb!
00:01:02Ah, go ahead and clap, you schmucks.
00:01:05See that old man?
00:01:06That's Pete's Grandpa Barlow.
00:01:09Maybe those people wouldn't be clapping if they knew what his invention was about to do.
00:01:13You see, there's a delicate balance between man and machine.
00:01:17And a wayward kid with a bad attitude and a soccer ball found that out the hard way.
00:01:23Hell hath no fury like the spinning blade of a lawn mower scorned.
00:01:30And good old Barlow probably wouldn't have thought twice about that chopped up little boy.
00:01:35That is, if the lawyers hadn't gotten involved.
00:01:42We're ruined.
00:01:44It's worse than I thought, sir.
00:01:46What do you mean worse?
00:01:47Their lawyer wants to go after your assets.
00:01:49That scoundrel.
00:01:51We don't have a chance in court.
00:01:53Fine.
00:01:54I'll bribe the judge.
00:01:55Simple as that.
00:01:56It won't be that easy this time.
00:01:58I've looked into it.
00:02:00There's only one thing you can do.
00:02:02Do you trust your son?
00:02:04He's dead, and no.
00:02:06If you give the money to a family member, you can't lose it in a lawsuit.
00:02:12There is my grandson, Pete, but he's just a bum kid.
00:02:17I haven't talked to him in years.
00:02:19And you will have to talk to his Uncle Neil.
00:02:23I'll draft the paperwork tonight.
00:02:25Listen closely, Meeks.
00:02:27I want you to do whatever you have to.
00:02:33Whatever it takes.
00:02:36As long as I keep my god damn money.
00:02:58All right.
00:02:59All right.
00:03:02I forget what I beim doing.
00:03:07I need to take myунд thing.
00:03:09You don't love that easy.
00:03:11I don't care about what podcast games is.
00:03:13All right?
00:03:13Oh, my gosh.
00:03:15All right?
00:03:18You don't give me a question.
00:03:19I don't care about how to do my weekend.
00:03:23You don't ask him to hold it.
00:03:25You don't give me a surprise.
00:03:26I'll wrap it up.
00:03:26Once you're in a duel.
00:03:46Hi, Mom and Dad.
00:03:49I miss you guys.
00:03:54I really miss you.
00:04:00What about your favorite flowers?
00:04:09Bye, Mom and Dad.
00:04:13Bye.
00:04:24Hey, guys.
00:04:27Is Vicky still here?
00:04:37Ashley, what are you doing down there?
00:04:40Don't worry about it, Pete.
00:04:41What are you doing here?
00:04:43Tell you the truth, I'm a little on the bored side.
00:04:47I could talk to Larry.
00:04:49See, if you wanted to work here with me, that'd be great.
00:04:51Prick.
00:04:52Do you like your job, Pete?
00:04:54No, I hate it.
00:04:55Exactly.
00:04:56See, Pete, working for the man and doing things you don't really like to do, these things,
00:05:01they're not really for me.
00:05:02But you, why are you doing something that you hate?
00:05:10Don't turn around.
00:05:12Why not?
00:05:13Vicky.
00:05:16Can we talk?
00:05:30You put the fruit smoothie away, Pete.
00:05:32We're going to the bar.
00:05:33No, we're not.
00:05:34I'm staying in.
00:05:35Alright, I don't want to hear it.
00:05:36We're going to the bar.
00:05:37Period.
00:05:37End of story.
00:05:38No, I'm not.
00:05:39But you guys go and have fun.
00:05:40I'll be fine.
00:05:41How do we put this?
00:05:43Alright, your parents.
00:05:48Dead.
00:05:49Why would you bring that up?
00:05:57Okay, enjoy your fruit smoothie.
00:06:00We'll get some girls' numbers for you at the bar.
00:06:02Have a good night.
00:06:04Sorry about your parents, Pete.
00:06:05Dead.
00:06:46Okay, remember, let me tell Pete, it's going to be a big surprise.
00:06:51You're the greatest, Uncle Neal.
00:06:52Thank you, my friend.
00:07:01You know what a bag is, right?
00:07:03They have to go to the bathroom in the bag.
00:07:06She takes off all the clothes, and I see this bag, and I'm like...
00:07:09Do you guys have any idea what time it is?
00:07:11Pete!
00:07:12Uncle Neal?
00:07:15Get over here!
00:07:19What are you doing here?
00:07:22I don't remember!
00:07:26Are you drunk?
00:07:28Yeah!
00:07:30You want some?
00:07:31Does your wife know that you're out here?
00:07:33Hey, wait a minute.
00:07:34You know your dad's father?
00:07:36Your grandfather?
00:07:38Yeah?
00:07:39He's being sued.
00:07:40Barlow?
00:07:41That's awesome.
00:07:42I hate that guy.
00:07:43Who cares, though?
00:07:44Well, you should care.
00:07:46Am I being sued, too?
00:07:47No, you idiot!
00:07:50He had to take all of his money and give it to you so they can't take it in his
00:07:55lawsuit.
00:07:56What?
00:07:58I don't believe you.
00:08:00Check your account tomorrow.
00:08:01He had to go through me because I'm your lawyer.
00:08:04It's all there, Pete.
00:08:0680 million dollars!
00:08:1280 million?
00:08:14That's amazing!
00:08:16Yes!
00:08:17Yes!
00:08:19Thank you!
00:09:02You're coming!
00:09:03Do you want to come back home?
00:09:13You're coming!
00:09:20You're coming!
00:09:22Woo!
00:09:26Guys, guys, he's coming!
00:09:28He's coming!
00:09:29He's coming!
00:09:32Hey dear!
00:09:45V. V. P. P. P.
00:09:48V. P. P. P.
00:10:00Speech!
00:10:02Speech?
00:10:04You're right. Speech?
00:10:06Cheers!
00:10:14That girl's good, man. She's a good girl.
00:10:16She's got plenty of her tail around here.
00:10:19Oh, hey, bro.
00:10:20Dude, she's gotta go.
00:10:22That guy's too cool for us.
00:10:25Oh, man. Hey, baby.
00:10:26Hey, what you doing? Alright.
00:10:28Dude, I'll get her another Friday night.
00:10:31Definitely.
00:10:32Hey, what's up, baby?
00:10:36Hey, um...
00:10:37I wasn't hitting on her.
00:10:40He's friendly.
00:10:47Where you going, Robert?
00:10:49I just don't see how he does it.
00:10:51You see, there's only one real truth.
00:10:55One true truth.
00:10:57Mine's new and new.
00:10:59The Egyptians knew it.
00:10:59The Egyptians knew it.
00:11:01Hell, even the Equestrians knew it.
00:11:03Does anybody want any more of this joint?
00:11:05Can I take some questions?
00:11:07So, are there, like, chips in my boobs, too?
00:11:10There's only one way to find out.
00:11:16Is that Pete?
00:11:18Hey, Pete.
00:11:20I know you like to party.
00:11:24Are you guys smoking marijuana?
00:11:27Why, yes, we are.
00:11:33It has been forever since I've seen you.
00:11:36Yeah, you know, I always kind of thought you hated me.
00:11:39What? Why would you say that?
00:11:41I thought I heard you say that once.
00:11:43Oh, I definitely don't hate you, silly.
00:11:48What's up, buddy?
00:11:52Oh, nice.
00:11:53I'm gonna go find myself a girl.
00:12:13Alright.
00:12:18Alright.
00:12:24Hey, what's going on?
00:12:26What's up, guys?
00:12:28Oh, hey!
00:12:30What are you doing up here?
00:12:31I, like, saw you downstairs and we, like, saw each other.
00:12:35I'm going to the bathroom.
00:12:37Sweet.
00:12:41You like dick?
00:12:50Oh, shit, is that Pete?
00:12:52Pete, I'm going in.
00:12:56So, I heard you had a gigantic dick.
00:12:58Give me money for those, um, I'm planning to make a restaurant.
00:13:02My uncle actually has, um, a doctor's appointment next week and, um...
00:13:08He has bald cancer.
00:13:09So, I heard you have a big dick.
00:13:11Please, Pete.
00:13:13That's his name, right?
00:13:15I think so.
00:13:16Pete.
00:13:17And, um, where Italian people would go, Italian Greek salad or...
00:13:22Yeah.
00:13:40What?
00:13:42Mickey!
00:13:43What are you doing here?
00:13:44Hey, Pete.
00:13:45Can, can we talk?
00:13:47Yes!
00:13:48Whee!
00:13:50Whee!
00:13:54Whee!
00:13:55Oh, good Jesus.
00:13:57What are you doing here?
00:14:00I'm sorry, I did it again.
00:14:03I got drunk.
00:14:06And now I'm just...
00:14:10Freaking wasted.
00:14:13You're my homie.
00:14:15You're my homie.
00:14:17You're my homie.
00:14:19You're my homie.
00:14:27Why'd you leave me in the first place?
00:14:29Oh, that.
00:14:31Um, it doesn't really matter.
00:14:32I mean, things are different.
00:14:34I mean, you've changed, Pete.
00:14:36How?
00:14:37Well, like all that stuff that I hated about you, I can just kinda like tolerate that now
00:14:42because you're rich, so...
00:14:44You hated things about me?
00:14:45Yeah.
00:14:46Pete.
00:14:47You are a disgusting slob.
00:14:50You're a loser who never finished school and you ejaculate in like five seconds.
00:14:54But, like I said, it is tolerable because you're rich.
00:15:00I think you should go.
00:15:03Really?
00:15:04Yeah.
00:15:06Are you sure you want to do that?
00:15:08Yes.
00:15:12Hey, Pete.
00:15:17Problem.
00:15:18What?
00:15:19People.
00:15:19How many?
00:15:21Lots.
00:15:21What do they want?
00:15:23Money.
00:15:23Oh, I'm napping.
00:15:24Take care of it.
00:15:25Oh, and Pete.
00:15:26What?
00:15:27Sorry about Vicki.
00:15:31Thank you all for coming.
00:15:33But, unfortunately, Pete can't see any of you all today.
00:15:37Aww.
00:15:39Oh, yes, yes, I know.
00:15:41But, if you'd like to make an appointment, please see Roger in the adjoining room and I'm
00:15:45sure he'll be happy to take all your requests.
00:15:47Now, I've spoken with Pete today and he sends his warmest regards to each and every one of you.
00:15:57So, with that said, have a wonderful holiday season and please enjoy some of the delicious pizza.
00:16:03Alright!
00:16:05Yes!
00:16:08You know, Pete, it's not really that bad.
00:16:13It is.
00:16:15Alright, whatever, so it is.
00:16:18But, you know what?
00:16:19I'm sick and tired of seeing Mopey Pete.
00:16:22I want to see Happy Pete.
00:16:24What do I have to be happy about?
00:16:26You have 80 million dollars.
00:16:28That other people want to take from me.
00:16:30Why should that make me happy?
00:16:32You have 80 million dollars.
00:16:34How many times do I have to say 80 million dollars, Pete?
00:16:41You can say it 80 million times if you want.
00:16:43It's not going to cheer me up.
00:16:45Look, dude.
00:16:46It pains me to say what I'm about to say, Pete.
00:16:49Just say it.
00:16:51By God, I'm gonna say it, Pete.
00:16:54You need to grow a sack of big, fat, hairy testicles, dude.
00:17:01But how do I do that?
00:17:04Excuse me, guys.
00:17:05I know a lot about big, hairy testicles.
00:17:09And if I had 80 million dollars, I'd buy an island.
00:17:14Thanks, creepy neighbor dude.
00:17:17No problem.
00:17:23Clean.
00:17:33Hey, Roger.
00:17:37You all packed and ready to go, little buddy?
00:17:41I'm not talking to you.
00:17:43What do you mean, an island?
00:17:45I mean, he bought an island.
00:17:48Beer?
00:17:49Check.
00:17:51Bros?
00:17:53Check.
00:17:53How much of my money did he spend?
00:17:57Practically all of it.
00:17:58Oh, yeah, and I, uh, ordered a bunch of things for the island.
00:18:04Awesome.
00:18:05Sweet.
00:18:06That little turd.
00:18:08Tomorrow we are off to our permanent vacation life.
00:18:12But I have some good news as well.
00:18:14How can anything be good now?
00:18:18I think I've got a way for you to win this lawsuit.
00:18:21I propose a toast.
00:18:22Toast.
00:18:23Toast.
00:18:24That poor family.
00:18:26They can't even prove it's their kid.
00:18:29Good.
00:18:31Let's win it.
00:18:33Let's win the lawsuit and then we'll go after my money.
00:18:39And that son of a bitch Pete will pay.
00:18:43Pay.
00:18:44To our new life in paradise.
00:18:46To our new life in paradise.
00:18:47To our new life in paradise.
00:19:12To our new life in paradise.
00:19:21guitar solo
00:20:07Uh, is that it?
00:20:11Boys, we've been had.
00:20:15We're home.
00:20:34Hey Pete, can I tell you something real quick?
00:20:37Yeah, what's up?
00:20:37I just wanted to tell you that this is an awesome island.
00:20:41Great job picking it out.
00:20:43Aw, really?
00:20:44No, it sucks.
00:20:50Yep, I'm bored.
00:20:52What, you want to leave already?
00:20:54Look, all I'm saying is that I have to poop and there's no bathroom, there's no toilet
00:21:00paper.
00:21:00What am I supposed to wipe with?
00:21:01My hands?
00:21:02No, that's gross.
00:21:06Let's do a vote.
00:21:08All right, a vote.
00:21:09If a majority wins, we stay.
00:21:11If not, we go back home.
00:21:12I vote, we stay.
00:21:12We've only been here an hour, we need to at least give it a shot.
00:21:15Well, my vote's known.
00:21:16What about you, Ashley?
00:21:17I want to stay.
00:21:18Ah, Keith?
00:21:20Well, I guess if you and Ashley want to stay, I'll stay too.
00:21:24All right, then it's decided we're staying.
00:21:27Sorry, Roger.
00:21:28Whatever.
00:21:28But, uh, what are we going to do?
00:21:31Uh, well, we voted.
00:21:33What do we do now?
00:21:35Well, um, now we're a democracy.
00:21:39Well, if we're a government, I am the military.
00:21:43Oh, I like where this is going.
00:21:45Nice.
00:21:46What about the females?
00:21:47That would be nice.
00:21:48Let's ship in a bunch of whores.
00:21:49Oh, hey, come on.
00:21:51Tone it down.
00:21:52All right, okay.
00:21:53Strippers.
00:21:54All right.
00:21:55You, uh, you're in charge of recreation.
00:21:58Yeah.
00:21:59What about you, Roger?
00:22:01I guess I'll be the inventor.
00:22:03What are you going to invent?
00:22:05I don't know.
00:22:05I haven't invented it yet.
00:22:07Awesome, guys.
00:22:08What about you, Pete?
00:22:09Oh, he's the president.
00:22:15I'm out, guys.
00:22:16Well, where are you going?
00:22:18To invent in the woods, away from you guys.
00:22:21Oh, good luck, buddy.
00:22:23Oh, Roger.
00:22:24All right.
00:22:33All right.
00:22:35All right.
00:22:38All right.
00:22:43All right.
00:22:44All right.
00:22:46All right.
00:22:47All right.
00:22:48All right.
00:22:49All right.
00:22:50All right.
00:22:50All right.
00:22:51All right.
00:22:52All right.
00:22:53All right.
00:22:53All right.
00:22:54All right.
00:22:54All right.
00:23:36This is so beautiful.
00:23:41Pete.
00:23:43Hey, Ashley.
00:23:44I think somebody's been in our camp.
00:23:46Roger?
00:23:47No, it wasn't Roger.
00:23:50I know Roger's sin.
00:23:53Somebody else is living on this island.
00:23:56What are you doing?
00:23:58Oh, just a little whittling.
00:24:02Where are you going?
00:24:03I'm starting my vacation.
00:24:05Without any pants?
00:24:08I'm the president.
00:24:10The president doesn't need pants, silly.
00:24:13Toodaloo.
00:24:17Yeah.
00:24:20Oh, boy.
00:24:21Oh, boy.
00:24:21Oh, boy.
00:24:22Yes.
00:24:25Oh, shoot.
00:24:32There's a floor.
00:24:33Oh, jeez.
00:24:36How did I...
00:24:41All right.
00:24:44Oh.
00:24:45Oh.
00:24:47Wow.
00:24:50I am the luckiest.
00:24:57What is...
00:24:58What is...
00:25:07Hey.
00:25:08It's great to finally find someone.
00:25:10I have been walking around this island for a while.
00:25:12Oh, yeah.
00:25:13We're over on the other side, actually.
00:25:16Oh, hey.
00:25:16I'm looking for a guy named Pete.
00:25:18Oh, you are the most beautiful stripper I have ever seen.
00:25:26What?
00:25:28Um, I'm Pete.
00:25:30Here's your package, asshole.
00:25:37Wait, no, you can't leave.
00:25:43Um, I have to send a package.
00:25:47Where is it?
00:25:51Um...
00:25:53It's a rock.
00:25:55Yeah.
00:25:56I need, um, this rock back here.
00:26:03You want to send that rock back with me to Utah
00:26:07so it can fly across the country and half the world again
00:26:11just so it can come back here?
00:26:13Please.
00:26:15It'll be two weeks.
00:26:17Great.
00:26:18Seriously?
00:26:20Yes.
00:26:22To tell you the truth,
00:26:24this seems like a pretty shitty attempt
00:26:26of getting me back here.
00:26:29But it's kind of cute.
00:26:33See you in two weeks.
00:26:35Cute.
00:26:36See ya.
00:26:40Hey, wait.
00:26:40What's your name?
00:26:42Hi, Janine.
00:26:44Hi, Janine.
00:26:56I need to wake up.
00:27:15Huh?
00:27:16Airplanes?
00:27:17It's the strippers.
00:27:28Hey guys, I'm Monica.
00:27:30Hi, I'm Monique.
00:27:31Hi, I'm Keith.
00:27:35It is a pleasure to meet both of you.
00:27:40It's a joy.
00:27:46Oh, sorry.
00:27:48Well, this is my buddy Ashley.
00:27:49Hi, Ashley.
00:27:52What's his deal?
00:27:53Don't really trust your kind.
00:27:55What's that supposed to mean?
00:27:57How much to have sex with the both of you in the woods?
00:27:59Ashley.
00:28:00We're strippers, not prostitutes.
00:28:02I'm trained to be a nurse.
00:28:03She's trained to be a nurse.
00:28:05Yeah, that's what they all say.
00:28:09They do.
00:28:12Every time.
00:28:16Let's wander this way.
00:28:19He's so adorable.
00:28:22You guys want some beans?
00:28:25Just wait until you meet Pete.
00:28:27Pete's the best guy.
00:28:28He is the greatest guy ever.
00:28:30You guys are going to love him.
00:28:33Airplane coming in.
00:28:38Janine.
00:28:42Janine.
00:28:44Janine.
00:28:45Janine.
00:28:46Hey, Pete.
00:28:47We have to talk.
00:28:48What's that?
00:28:49Oh, uh, some news station wants to do a story about us.
00:28:52And I just met the cutest girl.
00:28:55Yeah, yeah.
00:28:55Save it.
00:28:56That hut, Keith gave to the strippers.
00:28:59The strippers are here?
00:29:01Yeah.
00:29:01Right over there.
00:29:02You take care of it.
00:29:04Isn't that a good thing?
00:29:04Isn't that a good thing?
00:29:16Hey, you must be Pete.
00:29:18Yeah.
00:29:19Well, I'm Monica, and this is Monique.
00:29:22Hi.
00:29:24Hi.
00:29:25I'm Pete.
00:29:27So, Keith told us all about how you got this island.
00:29:30And how you started a little government.
00:29:32It's so cute.
00:29:35Thanks for coming.
00:29:37Well, what do you want us to do?
00:29:41Uh, dance?
00:29:45We love to dance.
00:29:46Right.
00:29:50Let's do it.
00:29:52Let's do it.
00:29:53Let's do it.
00:30:04Let's do it.
00:30:04Let's do it.
00:30:04Eh, call us.
00:30:32Go ahead and get going.
00:30:33See what happens all the time, seeing a parent, a Fayette
00:30:34I think I'm just going to map out the island.
00:30:37Cool.
00:30:39Want to come?
00:30:41No.
00:30:42Why not?
00:30:44Because I am drinking beer and getting lap dances tomorrow.
00:30:48That's why not.
00:30:50Mapping out the island.
00:30:53Maps.
00:30:54Good lord.
00:30:56By the way, what do you think of my island so far?
00:31:00The island's pretty cool, Pete.
00:31:02It's not his island.
00:31:04Oh, shit.
00:31:07It's nobody's island.
00:31:08Who are you?
00:31:10I don't have a name anymore.
00:31:13What are you doing on our island?
00:31:15Oh, you think you're on this island. She'll soon show you otherwise.
00:31:18How long have you been here?
00:31:20Since I entered that government sweepstakes.
00:31:23When was that?
00:31:24Carter was president.
00:31:27Who's that?
00:31:28A very bad man.
00:31:32So, you've just been surviving off the island.
00:31:35The island's treated me well. She'll do the same for you.
00:31:38Hey, anything that's ours is yours.
00:31:40Likewise. Here, take this.
00:31:42If you ever need anything, just blow.
00:31:45Oh, thanks.
00:31:45All right, I'm off. Off to do her bidding.
00:31:51Oh, hey, we have strippers.
00:31:53I got hungry once and ate my penis. Thanks anyway.
00:31:56I'm off, man.
00:31:56We're gonna go away.
00:31:57We're gonna go away.
00:31:58That's what I'm going to do.
00:31:59Oh, my God.
00:32:03Oh, my God.
00:32:04Oh, my God.
00:32:11Oh, my God.
00:32:14Oh, my God.
00:32:16Oh, my God.
00:32:18Oh, my God.
00:32:40Hey Pete, Ashley, up here, check out this vantage point.
00:32:48Oh, what are you doing up there?
00:32:50Oh, just sort of hanging out in the tree.
00:32:53Cool.
00:32:54Good morning.
00:32:55Hey, Keith.
00:32:56Come here.
00:33:00Why?
00:33:01I got something I want to show you.
00:33:04Okay.
00:33:07What's up?
00:33:08Not too much.
00:33:14Why would you do that?
00:33:18This man needs medical attention.
00:33:22You poor thing.
00:33:25Is he going to be okay?
00:33:27He's hurt bad.
00:33:28He's going to be okay.
00:33:33Ashley, do you know why I'm mad?
00:33:34Because I threw that coconut at Keith?
00:33:36No.
00:33:37I'm mad because you throwing that coconut at Keith took about two hours out of my day.
00:33:41And because of you, I didn't get to have any fun this morning.
00:33:44So from now on, nobody does anything that's going to take away from my fun time.
00:33:51Whoa!
00:33:54Roger!
00:33:55That's right.
00:33:56Roger's back with some cool stuff.
00:34:00What was that thing?
00:34:01Oh, you mean this potato cannon that I invented?
00:34:05Huh.
00:34:07Potato cannon, Roger.
00:34:08Thanks, Rog.
00:34:09Sure.
00:34:11I'll make another one later.
00:34:13Anyways, I also invented this.
00:34:16It's a coconut camera.
00:34:17I know.
00:34:18It looks like a coconut, but it's actually a camera.
00:34:21I don't want it.
00:34:25Roger, those inventions are awesome.
00:34:28Oh, yeah.
00:34:28I know.
00:34:29Did you invent anything for me?
00:34:31No.
00:34:32Oh.
00:34:33Yeah, well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm going to go work on my big project back
00:34:37in my woods.
00:34:37So, uh, later, Pete.
00:34:39Good luck.
00:34:46Hey, girls.
00:34:47Hey, Pete.
00:34:48What are y'all doing?
00:34:49Oh, I'm just braiding your hair.
00:34:52Do you want to help?
00:34:53Oh.
00:34:54What's that?
00:34:55Oh, that's just a coconut that I found for you, too, because you're so special.
00:34:59It's so cute.
00:35:01Oh, thank you.
00:35:02Pete, would you like the help?
00:35:03Can you bring your hair?
00:35:04Sure.
00:35:05Do you know how?
00:35:06No, but I would love to learn.
00:35:08Here.
00:35:08Take this chunk right here.
00:35:10Okay.
00:35:10Let's take this chunk right here and get that.
00:35:15Okay.
00:35:18All right.
00:35:19I know the suit looks okay, but how does my hair look?
00:35:21Does my hair look okay?
00:35:22Do I still have any curl?
00:35:23I can't even swim, for goodness sake.
00:35:25And they have me on a boat.
00:35:26You know I couldn't eat before I came because I'm nauseous.
00:35:29Am I supposed to be talking to you?
00:35:30Can I get a microphone?
00:35:30No, no, no, wait a minute.
00:35:31What's your name?
00:35:32Are you Pete?
00:35:33I'm Pete.
00:35:34You're Pete?
00:35:35I'm Pete.
00:35:36You don't have to do that, okay?
00:35:38I don't have a microphone, though.
00:35:39Folks, I'm here at the Republic of Pete.
00:35:41It's a rags to riches story of a guy who buys his own island.
00:35:46One day a struggling loser, the next day a guy who comes into a lot of money.
00:35:51So why did you decide to buy an island, Pete?
00:35:55Ah.
00:35:57America is waiting.
00:36:02Well, um...
00:36:03Ashley, what are you doing?
00:36:28Hey Pete.
00:36:30I see you came back with my rock.
00:36:32And you got a letter too?
00:36:36So...
00:36:38You didn't tell me this was your island.
00:36:40Oh.
00:36:42This is my island.
00:36:44I saw you and your friends on the news.
00:36:46You're a hit, dude.
00:36:49Thanks.
00:36:50Um, you know, I was thinking, um, maybe...
00:36:58What?
00:37:01Um...
00:37:02Do you want to hang out here with me sometime?
00:37:05Do what?
00:37:07Oh.
00:37:09Um...
00:37:10Go for a swim.
00:37:11You know, just...
00:37:12Like a...
00:37:13Walk?
00:37:14Do we have rocks on the other side?
00:37:15We could just like...
00:37:16Whoa!
00:37:20So are you gonna stay?
00:37:22I'm no easy girl.
00:37:24I didn't say that you were.
00:37:25Oh.
00:37:27Well...
00:37:27If you want to see me again...
00:37:30You know what to do.
00:37:35Uh, you know...
00:37:55...you know.
00:37:56It's okay.
00:37:56Hey, hey.
00:37:56Hey, hey.
00:37:56Hey, hey.
00:38:10Come on, Pete. Who is she?
00:38:14Who? Um...
00:38:15Come on.
00:38:16Her name's Janine.
00:38:19Tell me a little bit about Janine.
00:38:22I don't... What do you mean?
00:38:25Well, what's she going to bring to the island?
00:38:30She brought a letter today.
00:38:31All right, not what I meant, but okay, what's up with the letter?
00:38:35It's from my Uncle Neil.
00:38:38What's it say?
00:38:41Hey, Pete, this is Uncle Neil.
00:38:43Good news, I got my test results back.
00:38:46I'm clean again.
00:38:48Bad news is your grandpa won his lawsuit.
00:38:50Legally, there's nothing he can do to you.
00:38:52But I've got a hunch he's up to no good.
00:38:55Love, your one and only Uncle Neil.
00:39:00So, you still have the money, right?
00:39:04Yeah.
00:39:05Yeah.
00:39:07Fucking...
00:39:08Yeah.
00:39:08Woo!
00:39:10Okay.
00:39:10As difficult as it is for me to admit this, you did good work, Meeks.
00:39:16Thanks, sir.
00:39:17Now, let's go get my money.
00:39:21I'd like to introduce you to a top-notch mercenary.
00:39:25I'll do anything you want, as long as the job pays.
00:39:29My idiot grandson and his friends have wasted all my money on some damn island.
00:39:34You are to go there immediately.
00:39:37I want you to spy on them, find out their weaknesses, and sabotage whatever you can.
00:39:45My kind of job.
00:39:46You will hear from us in a few weeks.
00:39:49I'm throwing something special for my grandson, Pete.
00:40:16Hey, Pete.
00:40:18Looks like we've got a fat guy coming up on the south horizon.
00:40:27Hey, Mr. President, is it time for your midday rubdown?
00:40:33Yes, it is, and today I need the best of you guys.
00:40:39Wait, hold on.
00:40:40I'm sorry, Keith?
00:40:42Yeah?
00:40:43Can I get a little privacy, please?
00:40:46Oh, yeah.
00:40:48Sure, I'm sorry.
00:40:49No, it's okay.
00:40:54It's all good.
00:40:56Okay.
00:41:00Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:41:32Key, what's up, man?
00:41:33Oh, yeah.
00:41:36Pete, wake up, dude.
00:41:39Pete, wake up.
00:41:41Hey, sweetheart.
00:41:42You mind helping me out a little bit?
00:41:44Pete.
00:41:46What?
00:41:46You remember that fat guy I saw out there on the rocks?
00:41:49Mm, what about him?
00:41:50Pretty sure that guy's a spy.
00:41:54Ashley?
00:41:56How can I put this without hurting your feelings?
00:42:00I find that hard to believe.
00:42:03Okay.
00:42:05Whatever, I see where you're coming from, but I saw him with binoculars on ducking behind rocks.
00:42:10I'm pretty sure he's a spy.
00:42:11Ashley, what did I tell you about wasting my time?
00:42:17Fine, Pete.
00:42:20I'll go take care of it alone.
00:42:21Good luck.
00:42:23Good luck.
00:42:53I'll go take care of it.
00:42:53Oh, hello, Roger.
00:42:56Hey, Rogers.
00:42:57Welcome to the ninth dimension.
00:43:00We have so much to show you.
00:43:03You guys just hang on one second.
00:43:04I really have to pee.
00:43:06Goldenrod.
00:43:12Oh, yeah.
00:43:21Oh, fudge.
00:43:24Back to the crying spot.
00:43:28All right.
00:43:30Which one today?
00:43:34Ooh.
00:43:35Oh, that's good.
00:43:38Okay.
00:43:40All right.
00:43:41Perfect.
00:43:42Small to large.
00:43:44Small to...
00:43:45Whoa, that's far.
00:43:47Okay.
00:43:48Got to change.
00:43:50Oh, oh, oh, I see.
00:43:52I see.
00:43:52I see.
00:43:55Yes!
00:43:57Whoa!
00:43:58Wow, that was...
00:43:59Hey, me.
00:44:00Janine!
00:44:01Has it been two weeks already?
00:44:03No, I just thought I'd drop by.
00:44:04Oh.
00:44:05Well, I'm glad you...
00:44:07Whoa.
00:44:07Glad you did.
00:44:08All right.
00:44:12Big one, big one.
00:44:14We're safe.
00:44:16Okay.
00:44:18You smell...
00:44:21Beanie?
00:44:23That is...
00:44:24Well, not...
00:44:25It's not funny.
00:44:26Well, I have beans for lunch, so...
00:44:28Yeah.
00:44:29All right.
00:44:30Hey, Peter, are you drunk?
00:44:32No, I'm not drunk, but...
00:44:33No, okay.
00:44:34No, that's ridiculous.
00:44:36So...
00:44:38What exactly do you guys do here?
00:44:40Oh, uh...
00:44:41Fun stuff.
00:44:44Like...
00:44:44Uh, well, we...
00:44:46Hang out and, uh...
00:44:49Drink beer, of course.
00:44:51Is that all?
00:44:53Oh, we have strippers.
00:44:55Really?
00:44:56Yeah, they're really nice, too.
00:44:58Strippers?
00:44:59Yeah.
00:45:00Well, they're going to school.
00:45:01They're that kind of stripper.
00:45:03Yeah.
00:45:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:45:06Pete, you live here?
00:45:08Yep.
00:45:09Everything on this island is mine.
00:45:12This place is disgusting.
00:45:14Oh.
00:45:16I guess we could pick stuff up, but...
00:45:18Nah, it's great.
00:45:19It's beautiful, huh?
00:45:20It was beautiful, I'm sure, but no.
00:45:24It's...
00:45:25Disgusting.
00:45:26Oh, well.
00:45:28Just...
00:45:28Don't look at it.
00:45:32How do I put this?
00:45:34I made a mistake.
00:45:36What?
00:45:37No!
00:45:38Don't leave!
00:45:39You can quit your job and stay here.
00:45:41I've got tons of money.
00:45:42You think I'm, like, one of those cheap strippers?
00:45:45You get a lot fancy to see.
00:45:46Okay.
00:45:47No, that's...
00:45:48No.
00:45:49It's a joke.
00:45:51I'll pick up the cans.
00:45:53Well, maybe.
00:45:55I might pick up the cans.
00:45:58I'll pick it up.
00:46:01Not bad.
00:46:03I'll pick up the cans.
00:46:04What?
00:46:05I'll pick up the cans.
00:46:10I'll pick up the cans, but...
00:46:25I'll pick up the cans.
00:46:30Don't move, partner.
00:46:36So it was you.
00:46:38Don't talk to the prisoner, Roger.
00:46:41I'm gonna need you to get Keith, Pete, and the strippers.
00:46:44It's gonna be a long night.
00:47:02Oh, I'm dreaming.
00:47:05Pete, this is your brain.
00:47:07You passed out from drinking.
00:47:10Oh.
00:47:11Hey, Pete.
00:47:13Hey, Vicki.
00:47:14You don't miss me.
00:47:16I know.
00:47:17Why are you in my dream?
00:47:18I don't know, because it's your head.
00:47:21Speak in a head.
00:47:23You ready for sexy time?
00:47:26Back off, bitch.
00:47:28It's not gonna be that kind of dream.
00:47:30Hey, Janine.
00:47:31Could you take care of that?
00:47:33Pete, don't listen to Pete.
00:47:34Yes.
00:47:36Pete!
00:47:36Pete, no!
00:47:38Pete, no!
00:47:39Thanks.
00:47:41Hey, aren't you supposed to be mad at me?
00:47:43Why would I be mad at you?
00:47:45Pete, I put her there.
00:47:47She doesn't know.
00:47:48Know what?
00:47:49Just that I trash the island and get drunk all the time.
00:47:52You trashed the island?
00:47:54See?
00:47:55And now you're mad at me.
00:47:57I can't even do my own dreams right.
00:48:00I...
00:48:00I'm gonna let the ocean end it.
00:48:03Or you could...
00:48:05Clean up the beach.
00:48:07Stop drinking.
00:48:08Problem solved.
00:48:09Why can't I think of something like that?
00:48:12You did.
00:48:14Pete.
00:48:15Huh?
00:48:16Wake up, bro.
00:48:47You did butter.
00:48:48I know that I'm supposed to be in the kitchen.
00:48:50You better tell him.
00:48:52All right, Monica, that's enough.
00:48:54Who sent you?
00:48:55I can't tell you.
00:48:56Tell us, or else.
00:48:58Please.
00:49:00No more lap dances?
00:49:02All right, Monique.
00:49:03Show me your dance.
00:49:04Wait.
00:49:05Maybe we should try something else.
00:49:10Who sent you?
00:49:12Oh, God, please.
00:49:14I'll talk.
00:49:16Keith, get up.
00:49:18Dad, you good?
00:49:19You're all right.
00:49:20Awesome.
00:49:21Who sent you?
00:49:21An old guy.
00:49:23Nate Barlow.
00:49:25My grandpa sent you here?
00:49:27Can I go now?
00:49:28Why'd he send you?
00:49:29Sabotage you guys.
00:49:31What, is it some half-baked plan to get his money back?
00:49:33Yeah, he said something like that.
00:49:35Oh, but I don't know anything about the party he's got planned for you guys.
00:49:38Oh, Jesus.
00:49:40What party?
00:49:42Nothing.
00:49:42I just said stuff because of the torture.
00:49:45You know, it's not true.
00:49:47All right, Ashley.
00:49:48Do whatever you have to do to this guy.
00:49:50Just find out what is up with that party.
00:50:05Those papers, right?
00:50:06Everything's in order, sir.
00:50:07Well, when he signs those papers, that island is mine.
00:50:11Yes, sir.
00:50:12Well, you've got to go undercover.
00:50:13I want you to pick up some hip clothes and sneakers for the party.
00:50:19I'll do it when I put out the flyers.
00:50:21Well, we might as well make them while we're here.
00:50:24I'll make them right now.
00:50:25Great.
00:50:26And when you trick his drunk party ass into signing for that package, you get out of there as quickly
00:50:33as possible.
00:50:34I won't fail you, sir.
00:50:35All right, we've got to go rally up some kids for the party.
00:50:39And my widow grandson, Pete, won't even see it coming.
00:51:06Typically, I don't really like doing this kind of stuff.
00:51:12Okay, maybe I do.
00:51:14You're a good person.
00:51:15I'm a good person.
00:51:16I live at home with my mom.
00:51:18I play a lot of video...
00:51:23I'm going to need some information from you.
00:51:26I will tell you anything you want to hear.
00:51:30I'm going to open your book.
00:51:32Anything.
00:51:33Tell me about the party.
00:51:36Anything but that.
00:51:43Very sorry to hear that.
00:51:49All right.
00:51:50Come on, guys.
00:51:50Come on.
00:51:57Well, I think we've reached the tip.
00:52:00Yeah.
00:52:01Yeah.
00:52:02So we can just kind of throw it, right?
00:52:04Yeah, it's the ocean.
00:52:05It dissolves it.
00:52:06Perfect.
00:52:08Nature's trash can.
00:52:10Can I just...
00:52:11Can you get the other thing?
00:52:12All right.
00:52:13Ready?
00:52:16Yeah.
00:52:17Perfect.
00:52:18Trash can.
00:52:19Let's go.
00:52:27Do you know what this is?
00:52:29It's a fish.
00:52:30It's a fish.
00:52:31It's a fish.
00:52:33Where do fish like to go?
00:52:36Fish like to go in the ocean.
00:52:39Uh-huh.
00:52:41Not this fish.
00:52:42No.
00:52:44This fish likes deep, dark caves.
00:52:49Nice.
00:52:53Might as well call it an eel.
00:52:56Bad fish.
00:52:58Yeah.
00:53:02Woo!
00:53:04Awesome.
00:53:05All right.
00:53:07Good job, guys.
00:53:11To the voice.
00:53:13Let's do it.
00:53:16Roger do this and Roger do that.
00:53:23Do you know where the party is?
00:53:26Uh, what?
00:53:28All right.
00:53:33What is going on?
00:53:39We're ready to party.
00:53:41We're not having a party.
00:53:44Hi.
00:53:45You must be Pete.
00:53:47Where did you people come from?
00:53:50I've got a letter for you.
00:53:52Did Janine not want to deliver my mail anymore?
00:53:55She's sick.
00:53:56She must be sick.
00:53:57Nice jorts, buddy.
00:53:58You like that?
00:53:59Cool, huh?
00:54:02But just sign here.
00:54:05And here.
00:54:07And here.
00:54:08And here.
00:54:08Oh, my God.
00:54:08And here.
00:54:09Nice.
00:54:12Thanks.
00:54:13No.
00:54:19All right, everybody.
00:54:21Come on.
00:54:21Party's over.
00:54:22What is this?
00:54:22A geriatrics convention?
00:54:24Come on.
00:54:24Get out of here.
00:54:25You in the green shirt.
00:54:25Party killer.
00:54:26Party killer?
00:54:27Yeah.
00:54:29You want a potato plug?
00:54:30Beat it.
00:54:31You don't want to ask any questions.
00:54:33Pete, please tell me you didn't sign anything.
00:54:37I can't tell you that.
00:54:39All right, listen.
00:54:40You never saw a letter.
00:54:41You never signed anything.
00:54:42Well, now I have to read it, so.
00:54:47Let's see.
00:54:48Pete, you drunk idiot.
00:54:51If you are reading this, my master plan has succeeded.
00:54:56The guy in the rad clothes who gave you this letter was my lawyer, Meeks.
00:55:03And you've just signed your precious island over to me.
00:55:09I win.
00:55:11I win.
00:55:11You have 24 hours to leave my island.
00:55:16If not, I'll take it by force.
00:55:23Well, what's it say?
00:55:26Pete.
00:55:36Hey, Raj.
00:55:38Hey, what's up?
00:55:39Hey, uh, Ashley, your fat guy's not in the tent anymore.
00:55:47Friends.
00:55:49And strippers.
00:55:51I've gathered you here to tell you that Pete has forsaken us.
00:55:54And I'm taking over now.
00:55:57Grandpa's evicting us from this island.
00:55:59We have to come up with a plan to stop him.
00:56:01Who's got a plan?
00:56:04Why am I the only person that's not retarded here?
00:56:07I've got a plan.
00:56:09Let's destroy this place.
00:56:11Ruin Grandpa by sacrificing the island.
00:56:14Hey, FedEx girl.
00:56:15Hey.
00:56:16Uh, I think some old guy is trying to screw Pete out of the island.
00:56:20If you'd have gotten here five minutes before him, we'd all be drinking pina coladas.
00:56:24Damn.
00:56:25Got caught in traffic.
00:56:27All right.
00:56:27Let's rig this place up with explosives.
00:56:30We have explosives?
00:56:31What are you planning on doing?
00:56:33Destroying the island so Grandpa doesn't get his money back.
00:56:36You can't make that call without Pete.
00:56:38It's his island.
00:56:39I agree.
00:56:40Where'd he go?
00:56:41Into the woods.
00:56:42We have to find him.
00:56:44That's a good plan.
00:56:45Thanks.
00:56:47Pete.
00:56:48Pete.
00:56:50Pete.
00:56:51I'm out of the woods, dude.
00:56:53Pete.
00:56:54Pete.
00:56:54Pete.
00:56:55Pete.
00:56:56Pete.
00:57:00Where are you?
00:57:01Who?
00:57:03Mr. President?
00:57:04Maybe he swam home?
00:57:06Uh, he doesn't know how to swim.
00:57:08Actually, do you even know where we're going?
00:57:10Roger, I know this island like the back of my hand.
00:57:13And if the back of my hand were Pete's hand, I'd be in the spot where he touches his penis
00:57:17twice a day.
00:57:18Sometimes three.
00:57:20Ugh.
00:57:21Gross.
00:57:22Follow me.
00:57:27Pete.
00:57:28Hey.
00:57:28Pete.
00:57:29Pete.
00:57:30Pete.
00:57:30Pete.
00:57:30Pete.
00:57:31Pete.
00:57:38Pete.
00:57:38Pete.
00:57:39Pete.
00:57:43Pete.
00:57:45Pete.
00:57:46Oh, what's the use?
00:57:49What's the use of what?
00:57:51Where'd you come from?
00:57:52A tree party.
00:57:53It was really kinda boring.
00:57:55I'm glad you rang.
00:57:55What's up?
00:57:56I signed the island away.
00:57:58So?
00:57:59So it's not my island anymore.
00:58:01It's my grandpa's now.
00:58:03I let my friends down.
00:58:04I mess things up with my girl.
00:58:06I've lost everything.
00:58:08I'll tell you what. I'm still here.
00:58:10You can stay with me as long as you want.
00:58:13No, I can't. I just told you I signed the island away.
00:58:15It's my grandpa's now.
00:58:17Aha, what's he gonna do?
00:58:18Go down to the American Legion
00:58:19and get his cribbage buddies and run you off?
00:58:21He said he was gonna do something like that.
00:58:23With their canes, I suppose.
00:58:25No, you're right.
00:58:27What did you come here for in the first place, Pete?
00:58:30I just wanted the perfect vacation life.
00:58:33Well, life isn't a vacation.
00:58:35Think of the spider.
00:58:38He weaves his web.
00:58:41He weaves and he weaves.
00:58:44He goes up.
00:58:45Then he comes down.
00:58:49And...
00:58:50Well, anyway, it's not all it's cracked up to be.
00:58:52But it's great here.
00:58:53Yeah, if you want to sit around on your ass and get drunk.
00:58:56What kind of life is that?
00:58:57That's what Janine said.
00:58:59Oh, you guys are right.
00:59:01Listen.
00:59:02Being a lazy piece of shit is no way to live your life.
00:59:05I had to teach that lesson to myself before the...
00:59:08Before the government put me here against my will.
00:59:11What did they do?
00:59:12Touchy subject.
00:59:15Well, you think we should fight grandpa off?
00:59:17If you're gonna sit around, no.
00:59:19If you're gonna do something, yes.
00:59:20You should get your friends and go kick grandpa's ass.
00:59:23You even think my friends will take me back?
00:59:25Of course they'll take you back.
00:59:26They're looking all over the island for you right now.
00:59:29Really?
00:59:31Do you want to help us out?
00:59:34I'd love to help you out.
00:59:35But it's not my battle.
00:59:37I got a big fight with a wild boar tomorrow.
00:59:40Gonna take most of the day.
00:59:41Wow.
00:59:42Huh.
00:59:43Well, thanks for everything.
00:59:45Good luck to you, Pete.
00:59:47I hope you're real.
00:59:48Not just another figment of my imagination.
00:59:52I'll take this.
00:59:55My work is done here.
01:00:00Bye.
01:00:06Pete!
01:00:11Janine?
01:00:13Pete?
01:00:15Pete!
01:00:16Janine!
01:00:20Where have you been?
01:00:22Oh, don't worry about it.
01:00:24I missed you.
01:00:25I missed you too.
01:00:27Where's everyone else?
01:00:29Oh, uh, they went back to camp like an hour ago.
01:00:36Hey, I heard about the island.
01:00:38I am so sorry.
01:00:40Yeah, thanks.
01:00:41Yeah.
01:00:42You know, I might have a plan.
01:00:45Yeah?
01:00:47Maybe.
01:00:48Can I tell you before I tell everyone else?
01:00:51Yeah.
01:00:58Well, I hate to say it, everybody.
01:01:00Let's pack our bags.
01:01:01I think we need to leave.
01:01:02We don't want to go.
01:01:04You, uh, you don't have to go.
01:01:08Pete!
01:01:09Pete!
01:01:10Great.
01:01:10Where have you been?
01:01:11We've been worried sick.
01:01:12He's been in the woods like a little coward.
01:01:15Yeah, I'm sorry, but I'm back.
01:01:21Look, guys, I may have signed away the island like an idiot.
01:01:25You are an idiot.
01:01:26But I'm not going to give up.
01:01:28Why did we come here in the first place?
01:01:30I don't know, so you could live out your stupid, childish, escapist fantasy.
01:01:38We came for a vacation.
01:01:40But what was the first thing we did when we got here?
01:01:43Order the strippers.
01:01:47Before that.
01:01:48We formed the Republic.
01:01:50Yeah, and what exactly is the Republic?
01:01:52A form of government?
01:01:55Okay, well, yeah.
01:01:57Okay, you don't seem to be following me.
01:02:02Um, the Republic is us.
01:02:05But only when we all work together.
01:02:07When we work together as one, we become something better than just us.
01:02:11Well, we definitely haven't done anything like that yet.
01:02:14No, but now's our chance.
01:02:17Ashley, what's our best defense strategy?
01:02:19Let's burn it.
01:02:22Um, that could be a backup, maybe.
01:02:25But can we beat Grandpa and save the island?
01:02:30We've got some firepower.
01:02:32That's great.
01:02:33Anything else we can do?
01:02:35We can make an electric fence, you know, like the ones they have for dogs, but for people.
01:02:39Oh, perfect.
01:02:41Monique and I have the power of dance.
01:02:43And I could dance, too.
01:02:45Even better.
01:02:47We still have no idea what your grandpa's going to try.
01:02:50What's he going to do?
01:02:51Get his cribbage buddies from the American Legion to kick us off?
01:02:58What are they going to use?
01:02:59They're canes?
01:03:04Oh, man.
01:03:06Alright, alright, okay.
01:03:08So we've all got something to do.
01:03:10Well, what about you, Pete?
01:03:12Pete and I will command from the fort.
01:03:15Mission starts at dawn, everybody.
01:03:17So get a good night's rest.
01:03:22Any man that's willing to sit through torture for me deserves another shot at a reduced wage, of course.
01:03:31Thank you, Mr. Barlow.
01:03:33But no thank you.
01:03:34This encounter has got me thinking about things.
01:03:38Things?
01:03:39I want to lead a new life.
01:03:41An honest life.
01:03:43You don't have a choice.
01:03:45Okay, I'm back in.
01:03:46Everything set with the boat, Meeks?
01:03:48Yes, sir.
01:03:49We leave tomorrow morning at nine.
01:03:51That's almost the afternoon.
01:03:54Well, at least we get to sleep in.
01:03:56But I just can't wait to see my babies in action.
01:04:01An army of steel-toothed lombas taking on a bunch of bluesers.
01:04:09The victory will be ours.
01:04:12We'll cut those boys into pieces.
01:04:42And you can't wait to see my babies in a bit.
01:04:46Alright, I'm back in a little while.
01:04:57Let's go.
01:05:21Ashley, you ready?
01:05:22Yes, yes, Pete.
01:05:24I'm ready to give old Grandpa a taste of this spud gun.
01:05:28Roger?
01:05:29Yeah, everything's great. The electric fence is up.
01:05:31Keith, what about you and the strippers?
01:05:33Pssst!
01:05:34Roger!
01:05:35Yeah?
01:05:36Oh, we're good. Roger.
01:05:38You playing a practical joke on me?
01:05:39Good luck, Mr. President. We'll dance the hell out of him.
01:05:43All right, guys. Then let's fight for the Republic.
01:05:48By the way, sir, we could only fit one lawnmah on the boat.
01:05:52Oh, well, one indestructible killer is as good as an army.
01:05:59Sir, maybe we should speed up a little bit.
01:06:04Well, then you do it for me. You know I don't do those kind of things for myself.
01:06:07I feel such a rebel.
01:06:08Yes, enjoy yourself.
01:06:13Oh, boy.
01:06:16God, faster means faster.
01:06:18Yeah, yeah, that's it. Faster.
01:06:22I can't believe we're going to pull this off.
01:06:27I know, it's crazy, right?
01:06:29Okay.
01:06:30Anyone see anything?
01:06:44Hey, Pete!
01:06:45It's your Uncle Neil!
01:06:47Did you just say my Uncle Neil?
01:06:49Uncle Neil, what's he doing here?
01:06:52Uncle Neil?
01:06:55God, I hate that guy.
01:07:04Oh, my God!
01:07:05It's some type of robotic lawnmower.
01:07:08A robotic lawnmower?
01:07:10Like a lawnmower?
01:07:12It's my grandpa's invention.
01:07:14Why did those things kill the kid?
01:07:19What is that thing?
01:07:24Ashley, what's going on?
01:07:28It's heading towards your Uncle Neil!
01:07:37Let's do this.
01:07:43All right, you godless robot.
01:07:45Taste the sale.
01:07:50Damn it!
01:07:51I missed!
01:07:52I missed!
01:08:00Damn it!
01:08:01I got it!
01:08:04Damn it!
01:08:05Still rolling!
01:08:46You're leaving me?
01:08:48You'll be fine.
01:08:49Pete!
01:08:57Ashley, what's going on?
01:08:58The lawnmower?
01:08:59Diversion.
01:09:00I'm taking care of Grandpa.
01:09:02Alright, I'll get Uncle Neil.
01:09:03But it just happened to be that way.
01:09:06And, you know, I had to live with it.
01:09:09Gray hair.
01:09:11Old guy.
01:09:12Pete's grandpa.
01:09:14Let's dance.
01:09:17Meeks.
01:09:18Are those people dancing?
01:09:22I believe so, sir.
01:09:24Let's get him.
01:09:26He's going for the trap.
01:09:28Careful, sir.
01:09:29What?
01:09:30This must be some sort of a trap.
01:09:32Oh.
01:09:34Help me, Meeks.
01:09:35I don't want to...
01:09:36I've got you.
01:09:37Good, sir.
01:09:38That's good.
01:09:39Now, let's get him.
01:09:42Oh, my God.
01:09:43It didn't work.
01:09:45Handsome back.
01:09:51Uncle Neil, are you okay?
01:09:55What?
01:09:56What are you doing here?
01:09:57I came for the party.
01:09:59That was yesterday.
01:10:01Grandpa's trying to kick us off the island.
01:10:02Come on.
01:10:03Get up.
01:10:03We've got to go get him.
01:10:04No, I can't go.
01:10:05I'm too hurt.
01:10:06Okay.
01:10:08I'll be back when I can.
01:10:12Oh, hey, Pete.
01:10:14Roger.
01:10:15What's going on?
01:10:16Oh, you know, I'm tied up.
01:10:19Wow.
01:10:19You want to untie me?
01:10:21There's no time.
01:10:22I've got to go.
01:10:22I'll be back.
01:10:23When?
01:10:24Can I get a time frame?
01:10:33Where's our man?
01:10:35There he is.
01:10:40Hey, give it back.
01:10:41Good job, mercenary.
01:10:43With this one, Barlow.
01:10:45It's my pleasure.
01:10:46Will you take the hostage?
01:10:48We'll go for the camp.
01:10:59Keith.
01:11:01Strippers?
01:11:02Oh, my God.
01:11:03Pete.
01:11:03It's Pete.
01:11:04Pete.
01:11:04We got trapped.
01:11:06What happened?
01:11:06Please help us.
01:11:08Why didn't you guys just stand up?
01:11:12Where's my grandpa?
01:11:13He's back at the camp.
01:11:14Let's go!
01:11:21Pete?
01:11:23Is that you?
01:11:24Janine, quick.
01:11:25Grab a weapon.
01:11:27Uh-uh-uh.
01:11:35Hello, darling.
01:11:37And who are you?
01:11:40I'm Pete's girlfriend.
01:11:42I saw you at the coffee shop.
01:11:45Meeks, go find Pete.
01:11:47Tell him I have his girlfriend hostage.
01:11:52What do you want me to do about him?
01:11:55You do whatever you want with him.
01:11:57Let's see if I can keep this young lady entertained.
01:12:03Come on, guys.
01:12:04Hurry up.
01:12:05Hurry up.
01:12:07Hey, gang.
01:12:09FedEx girl's inside.
01:12:11Pete!
01:12:12What?
01:12:13Your girlfriend's inside.
01:12:15Your grandpa has her hostage.
01:12:17And he wants to have a word with you.
01:12:19He goes away, dear.
01:12:30Well, if it isn't my pathetic grandson, Pete.
01:12:36It's been a while, hasn't it?
01:12:39Why don't you need to go?
01:12:40Last time I saw you, it was your parents' funeral.
01:12:44You cried like a little baby.
01:12:48Are you going to cry now?
01:12:51I said let her go.
01:12:57Sit!
01:12:58Will you sit?
01:13:00What do you want from us?
01:13:01My money, you idiot.
01:13:04When I gave you my savings, you weren't supposed to spend it.
01:13:08But you gave it to me.
01:13:10It's mine.
01:13:10It was before I tricked you in giving it back to me.
01:13:15And now, this sorry excuse of defending your, I mean, my island.
01:13:21I'd expect nothing less from you.
01:13:24Your lanba killed a kid.
01:13:27Child killer?
01:13:28I've killed a lot of people.
01:13:32And I intend on killing a lot more.
01:13:37I have scammed people out of money.
01:13:41I have bribed judges.
01:13:44And once again, it's all paid off.
01:13:49You, Grandpa.
01:13:51What's your language?
01:13:53You greedy bastard.
01:13:54We were going to use this island to do something great.
01:13:57Now, you're just going to sell it off for more money?
01:13:59That isn't fair.
01:14:00Life isn't fair, Pete.
01:14:02You should know that.
01:14:04Now, I want you to get off my island before I kill you for trespassing.
01:14:13You can't do this.
01:14:14I just did.
01:14:16Now, get out.
01:14:28Oh, well, I thought that was pretty well done.
01:14:31Meeks, yes, actually.
01:14:39How'd it go, Mr. President?
01:14:43I'd rather not talk about it.
01:14:45What do you mean, Pete?
01:14:46Let's make one last go of it.
01:14:48Let's go get Grandpa.
01:14:50It's over.
01:14:51I'm going to go get Uncle Neil.
01:15:06Hey, dude.
01:15:08I'm really sorry about putting that fish up your ass.
01:15:12But you've got to look at it like this.
01:15:16You are always going to remember the fish for the rest of your life.
01:15:24Strippers?
01:15:35So, in the woods, I have some things planned for the three of us.
01:15:40Now, did any of you take gymnastics?
01:15:44You did?
01:15:45Great.
01:15:47So, you're probably the most flexible.
01:15:48And would you consider yourself flexible?
01:15:52At least we put up one hell of a fight.
01:15:55Yeah, I guess you're right.
01:15:57I know I didn't deserve this place.
01:15:59I just wish my Grandpa didn't get it.
01:16:02It's okay.
01:16:04I think so.
01:16:05I know.
01:16:07Ashley stole the strippers from me.
01:16:10Why didn't you get him?
01:16:11No, no.
01:16:13Just get my Uncle Neil.
01:16:19Hey, Uncle Neil.
01:16:21How's your head?
01:16:22A little better, Pete.
01:16:24So, what's up with the island?
01:16:27Grandpa tricked me into signing it over to him?
01:16:29Is that legal?
01:16:31I'm afraid so.
01:16:33But he admitted to killing that kid.
01:16:36He said a bunch of other incriminating things, too.
01:16:40What an asshole.
01:16:43Well, unless you've got some hard evidence,
01:16:45I don't know what to tell you.
01:16:48Ugh.
01:16:53Ugh.
01:17:07Hey, guys.
01:17:10Who are you?
01:17:11I'm Keith.
01:17:11I just, uh, forgot my wallet.
01:17:14Here.
01:17:15It's one of Pete's friends.
01:17:18I like the little arranging thing you've done.
01:17:21Well, thank you so much.
01:17:34It's one of Pete's friends.
01:17:37Preposterous!
01:17:37This is preposterous, Judge!
01:17:40I'm inclined to agree with you there,
01:17:41but nevertheless, you're out of order.
01:17:44So, shut up!
01:17:45Preposterous!
01:17:47Of all my years in family court,
01:17:49this is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
01:17:54I've killed a lot of people,
01:17:57and I intend on killing a lot more.
01:18:02I have scammed people out of money.
01:18:06I have bribed judges,
01:18:09and once again,
01:18:11it's all paid off.
01:18:14I've heard many confessions in my day,
01:18:16but never one that came out of a coconut.
01:18:20Enough.
01:18:21You're the winner.
01:18:23Impossible!
01:18:26And you, sir, may go to jail.
01:18:29I'll put in jail, Grandpa.
01:18:33You potts.
01:18:34Get him out of here.
01:18:35Take him away.
01:18:36Enough of this.
01:18:40And you are going to pay, sweetie.
01:18:43Hey, Pete, you're not completely incompetent.
01:18:47I'm not incontinent.
01:18:52Your Honor?
01:18:53Yes.
01:18:54I have something to say.
01:18:56Make it quick.
01:19:01To the Republic!
01:19:03To the Republic!
01:19:12And so ends the story of Pete and his friends.
01:19:16The island bears.
01:19:17Grandpa in jail.
01:19:19Thus begins the story of Roger and me, the island god.
01:19:24And as our boat sinks slowly in the west,
01:19:27there's nothing on this earth
01:19:29to be more treasured than true friendship.
01:20:01Peace.
01:20:03Peace.
01:20:12Peace.
01:20:18Peace.
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