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  • 1 day ago
In his stand-up bit “The Vatican Is Stealing,” Trey Knowles delivers a bold and humorous warning to his audience to “watch out for the Vatican,” playfully calling it the ultimate thief. With sharp satire, Trey jokes that if they could steal from Jesus, they could steal from anyone. He quips that they “took” Peter the Apostle and claimed the keys of heaven for themselves.

Keeping his tongue firmly in cheek, Trey pushes the exaggeration even further, teasing that you can’t trust your little boys—or even your real estate—around them. Through over-the-top humor, he uses satire to question power, tradition, and institutional authority.

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Anybody own a house?
00:01Y'all own houses?
00:02Anybody own a house?
00:03See, times is getting so bad, man.
00:07You're going to have three nuns knocking at your door.
00:09Three nuns knocking at your door.
00:11Come on.
00:11This land is my land.
00:14Like, what you talking about?
00:15You're like, well, you own that house, but that land is mine.
00:19You're like, these nuns, you got to be scared of nuns.
00:21You got to be scared of nuns.
00:22Nuns.
00:23Nuns.
00:24Nuns have been stealing, stealing, stealing from a long time.
00:29Nuns, they trick you.
00:31They come in, act all nice.
00:32I be scared of nuns, man.
00:34They come in with their big old hat.
00:37Got their hat on, have their head covered.
00:39You know, got their head covered in this big old black dress and nursing shoes.
00:45Nursing shoes, you know.
00:47They're walking.
00:49And they're really, really, really, really, really, really nice, but they like cats.
00:54They're sneaky.
00:55They're sneaky.
00:56So they have three nuns knocking at your door.
00:58They're talking about this land that's theirs, you know.
01:01And they give you a piece of paper.
01:03Give you a piece of paper.
01:05All right.
01:06And it says, citizens, you are now citizens of the Vatican.
01:12The Vatican.
01:13Where's the Vatican at?
01:14I live in America.
01:15This is America.
01:17Yeah, the Vatican took your money.
01:19The Vatican took your money.
01:22They took your money.
01:24They're stealing land.
01:25They're taking everything from the Vatican.
01:28The papacy.
01:31The papacy.
01:32The papacy.
01:34The papacy.
01:37The vaticans, man.
01:39The vaticans.
01:39The vaticans of Rome, man.
01:40They just steal.
01:42They steal, steal, steal, steal.
01:43So you got to watch out for the Vatican, man.
01:45I mean, they taking little boys.
01:47They taking little boys.
01:48They taking little boys' manhood, you know.
01:49Every time I see a Catholic priest, I got to wear a double set of pants.
01:53It's just, it's crazy, man.
01:54I mean, and you can't trust them.
01:56If they steal it from Jesus, they'll steal it from you.
02:00They stole Peter, the apostle.
02:03They stole Peter, the apostle.
02:05Jesus told Peter, he says, who do you say I am?
02:08And Peter said, you are Christ the Lord.
02:10You're the son of God.
02:11And Jesus says, on that rock, I'll build my church.
02:17Which means, he's trying to say that because your faith, your faith.
02:22We both have the same faith as Peter.
02:25I'll build my church.
02:26So that's telling us the faith.
02:28We have to have the same faith as Peter.
02:31Now, I'm going to show you how the vaticans stole it from Peter.
02:34So as Jesus tells that to Peter, he says, on that, on this rock, I'll build my church.
02:40On your faith, the vatican, they got it twisted around, right?
02:46They're like, okay, we steal apostle Peter.
02:48We steal apostle Peter and make him be the first pope.
02:53I don't think Peter had anything to do with you, right?
02:57That would make me to have the keys, have the keys, because Peter was the first pope.
03:05No, he was not.
03:06No, he was not.
03:08No, he was not.
03:08They're trying to steal.
03:09They stole the apostle Peter.
03:11They're going to steal from you, man.
03:13If they did all that, they're going to steal from you, right?
03:16One day, you have three nuns knocking at your door, talking about, give me back my land.
03:20Give me back my land.
03:21You are a citizen.
03:22You are now a citizen of the Vatican.
03:24And if you don't want to comply, we take everything from you.
03:28Everything.
03:30Everything.
03:31Everything.
03:31You're going to have a lot of Christopher Columbus is running around here that work for the Vatican.
03:40Work for the Vatican City.
03:42It's crazy, man.
03:43It's crazy.
03:44Crazy.
03:45Crazy.
03:46So you've worried about, you know, y'all worried about a lot of different things.
03:50But the sneakiest, the sneakiest people out there you cannot trust are those nuns.
03:59Those nuns and those, those, those, those nuns and those Catholic priests.
04:07Those Catholic priests, man.
04:08Don't put your money.
04:09Don't trust the bank.
04:10I'm not talking about all banks.
04:12I'm talking about Bank of America.
04:13Don't trust it.
04:14Don't trust it.
04:16I mean, don't, don't, don't trust, don't trust your little, don't trust your boys around them.
04:26Don't tell, I'm telling you, if you're grown men, right, right, right, if they took your manhood, don't go to
04:31Bank of America because, you know, they took your manhood, they take your whole life.
04:37They take your whole life.
04:38They take your whole life.
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