- 20 hours ago
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😹
FunTranscript
00:00:09You're always saying that there's something wrong
00:00:11Well, maybe it's just that there's nothing right
00:00:14You're far gone and it looks like you're someone else
00:00:17You're far alone and out of sight
00:00:21Bonesome, you're never so quite alone
00:00:23Love times, you've got a new eyes
00:00:26A good soul with nobody's name
00:00:28A good soul with nobody I feel walkin' for me
00:00:39I can't believe this is actually happening, Zach
00:00:41I know, I know, I keep feeling it, we're gonna wake up from a dream
00:00:43Do you want me to pinch you?
00:00:44Yes
00:00:45Ow!
00:00:46You said pinch!
00:00:47I'm sorry
00:00:48Do me
00:00:49Oh!
00:00:51Shit!
00:00:51This is actually happening!
00:00:54Dude, we need to chill out
00:00:55We can't look like dorks when our first day is out
00:00:57Okay
00:00:58Alright
00:01:01Oh
00:01:02My
00:01:04God
00:01:08Angelina, where'd you go?
00:01:11When you've known us so much I don't know
00:01:13When you've known us so much I don't know
00:01:13Angelina, where'd you go?
00:01:17There we go!
00:01:21Nice!
00:01:24Yeah, dick face!
00:01:45It's beautiful man!
00:01:48It's just beautiful!
00:01:50Good evening gentlemen!
00:01:51It's daytime!
00:01:53Oh!
00:01:54Oh!
00:01:55Mr. President!
00:01:57So it is
00:01:58You boys ready to be inducted?
00:02:01Yes, Mr. President!
00:02:03See, as new elf as these boys start to call him Mr. President or else they'll get punched in the
00:02:08dick
00:02:09Boys, this is Charity, this is Faith, girls this is uh, Zach, and uh, what is it? Christian?
00:02:16Cameron!
00:02:18Oh!
00:02:19Oh!
00:02:20Boys, welcome to the 24-hour party machine man!
00:02:23Woo!
00:02:24Someone get these boys a beer and a hand job please?
00:02:28You alright man?
00:02:30I'm just so happy
00:02:32I love this place
00:02:47Alright girls, put your shirts back on, we're going downstairs to the induction ceremony!
00:02:53Not you!
00:02:54You meet me in my room
00:02:55Yes, Mr. President
00:02:59See fellas, that right there, never gets old
00:03:03Alright fellas, get fucking around, we have some cherries to pop and some serious party to do!
00:03:07Wow!
00:03:08Holy shit, did you hear what he just said?
00:03:10Oh my god!
00:03:11We're not even at the serious partying yet!
00:03:14It's even better than I imagined!
00:03:18The average male graduate makes 125,000 per year
00:03:22Meanwhile, the average female graduate makes 41,500 per year
00:03:27Das is 30,056 Euro
00:03:30Das is bullshit!
00:03:31Yes, it is bullshit Misty
00:03:34And why would these women put up with such inequitable, inexcusable disparity?
00:03:40Somehow the women of Sterling College got it in their heads
00:03:42That being married to one of these successful men is just as good as being successful themselves
00:03:46Which is a bunch of hoey!
00:03:50Yes?
00:03:51Is the astronaut single?
00:03:54What?
00:03:55That's not the point!
00:03:57That's not the point!
00:03:58The point is we all worked so hard to get into this college
00:04:00We're not just here for the parties, the sex, and a lansom rich husband
00:04:04Right?
00:04:05I don't know about yourself
00:04:06Hi, I'm here
00:04:08Then what are you doing here, Ms. Kramer?
00:04:11It is Ms. Kramer, isn't it?
00:04:13Kelly Kramer
00:04:14Associate Dean Marshall
00:04:16Yes, I know who I am
00:04:17So, this is Delta Pi Sorority
00:04:22I'd heard you were meeting, even though you don't have a house
00:04:26I'd say it shows resolve
00:04:28I'd say it shows resolve
00:04:29It's pathetic!
00:04:32And not only that, it's unfair
00:04:35Especially when you consider how many houses the fraternities have
00:04:38Am I right, ladies?
00:04:39Yeah
00:04:40Yeah
00:04:40Yeah
00:04:41Sterling College has always offered more opportunities to its male students
00:04:45You really think that you and your quote-unquote sorority can overturn 50 years of history?
00:04:55Yes, I do
00:04:58I was hoping you'd say that
00:05:03Gentlemen
00:05:05Today, you enter an elite brotherhood established by our founders in 1963
00:05:12Just as Sterling College is known as the cradle of awesome
00:05:16Alpha House is known as the place where awesome goes to get its freak on
00:05:21Now, are you ready to uphold the tradition of this fraternity?
00:05:25If yes, let me hear you say yeah
00:05:27Yeah!
00:05:28Good
00:05:29Do you swear to never speak ill of her?
00:05:33Let me hear you say yeah
00:05:34Yeah!
00:05:35To never let her hollowed halls fall silent
00:05:38To never let her kegs run empty
00:05:41And to never, ever, let the party die?
00:05:45Fuck yeah!
00:05:49Now, suck the guy's dick on your immediate left
00:05:51What?
00:05:56Really?
00:05:56No, just messing with you. I just want to see if you really do it
00:05:59I have nobody to my left
00:06:01Gentlemen!
00:06:03Welcome to Alpha House
00:06:06What the fuck?
00:06:07What the fuck?
00:06:07Who turned out the lights?
00:06:12I'm sorry Mr. Kroger
00:06:14Am I interrupting something?
00:06:16Of course not
00:06:18Always an honor to be visited by our associate dean
00:06:21I see you are inducting a fresh batch of perverts, drunks, and future felons
00:06:27How fortuitous that I've found you on a very accepting frame of mind
00:06:31You thinking about pledging?
00:06:33It's really flattering, but unfortunately we're about at capacity for the year
00:06:37Though the peace offering with the strippers was not a bad move
00:06:40I see they went for the naughty bookworm look
00:06:43What, you couldn't throw in at least one sexy cop?
00:06:45You see, this is why I'm here
00:06:47For too long Alpha House has been a bastion for sex drugs
00:06:52Stop it, stop it!
00:06:53Stop it!
00:06:54It's not a good thing!
00:06:55It's everything that's wrong with Sterling College!
00:06:59But we are going to transform it
00:07:01Into a shining example of everything that Sterling College has to offer
00:07:07Opportunity, diversity, equality
00:07:09Yeah, can you get to the point? I'm sobering up over here
00:07:14Gentlemen, meet your new brothers
00:07:16Hello boys
00:07:19As of tonight, I am making Alpha House officially co-ed
00:07:25No, you can't
00:07:26I can, and I do
00:07:28Dean Bunglin would never approve of this
00:07:30Oh, I doubt Dean Bunglin would give approval to such a dramatic change to his old fraternity
00:07:37But luckily, fraternity matters fall under the purview of the associate Dean
00:07:44Which is me
00:07:45This is bullshit!
00:07:53What's your name, Potty Mouth?
00:07:55Cameron
00:07:55Is there something on your feeble mind, Cameron?
00:07:58You can't just change a frat like this, this isn't fair
00:08:01And having a sorority without a house is
00:08:04Excellent return
00:08:05Renee
00:08:06It's not fair to the girls
00:08:08It's still a frat
00:08:09You can bring a bunch of girls in here, but they're gonna have to live with a bunch of guys
00:08:12Yeah
00:08:12Fair to make them live in that kind of environment?
00:08:16Hm
00:08:18Excellent point, Cameron's friend
00:08:20Zach
00:08:20Don't care
00:08:21With Alpha House being co-ed
00:08:24It is governed by state and federal laws which forbid anyone from making a member of the opposite sex feel
00:08:31harassed, disenfranchised, or otherwise uncomfortable
00:08:38It means you horndogs will dial down the debauchery significantly
00:08:44How significantly?
00:08:47This place is going to make the Mormon tabernacle look like Mardi Gras
00:08:52Everybody will be on their best behavior
00:08:55Or else
00:08:56You're out
00:08:57Out of Alpha House?
00:08:59Out of Alpha House
00:09:01Out of Sterling College
00:09:03Poop! Out of luck
00:09:07Ladies
00:09:10Why don't you go make yourselves at home
00:09:14Girls?
00:09:16Can someone please buy some air freshener?
00:09:25This is a disaster
00:09:29I'm out of here
00:09:31W-where are you going?
00:09:32Sorry dudes
00:09:33I was only ever in the stupid frat for the booze and the coos
00:09:36Dude, what about brotherhood?
00:09:37What about never letting the party die?
00:09:39Dude, look around
00:09:41The party's dead
00:09:42I should be elbows deep in co-ed trim right now
00:09:45Instead of watching these Delta Pi lesbos turn our front door into a chastity belt
00:09:51Adios losers
00:09:53Oh
00:09:54Enjoy your castration
00:09:57Come on seriously guys
00:09:58Wait what?
00:10:02Bye bye
00:10:03Oh
00:10:05Well
00:10:07Looks like you're the de facto president potty mouth
00:10:11Congrats
00:10:12Alright listen up
00:10:13This is how it's going to work
00:10:14You two are going to divide up the house equally
00:10:16I'm putting this on both your shoulders
00:10:19Got it?
00:10:20Got it
00:10:21Good
00:10:23So this is how it's going to work
00:10:25You guys are going to get the rooms in the back
00:10:26And we'll get the rooms in the front
00:10:28Woah woah woah woah
00:10:29You're talking to the acting alpha house president here
00:10:32Okay?
00:10:33If anybody decides who gets what rooms, it's me
00:10:37Okay, so what do you suggest?
00:10:40Girls in the front, guys in the back
00:10:42And you can share your room with me
00:10:44I'll pass
00:10:45How many bathrooms are in this hellhole?
00:10:47Two upstairs, one down here
00:10:49We each get one upstairs
00:10:50The one downstairs is for guests
00:10:52And the living room and the kitchen are common areas
00:10:55Does that work for you?
00:10:56Yes
00:10:57Make it so
00:10:58Right
00:11:02Who's that?
00:11:03I am not sure but I think she wants to fuck me
00:11:08That's not going to happen
00:11:09Oh yeah, we'll see about that, sweetie
00:11:15Oh
00:11:16Melanie?
00:11:17Zach
00:11:19Oh my god
00:11:20What are you doing here?
00:11:22I just transferred
00:11:23I was over at State last semester
00:11:25Well, hello there, Melanie
00:11:27Cameron
00:11:29Wow, didn't miss that
00:11:31Melanie!
00:11:32Upstairs now
00:11:33We're having a meeting
00:11:34Okay
00:11:36Well, I guess I'll be seeing you around the house then?
00:11:40Yeah, I guess so
00:11:46This place is repulsive
00:11:48Is that a used condom?
00:11:51Oh
00:11:52Oh
00:11:55Ladies, please
00:11:56I know these aren't the best of arrangements
00:11:59And no matter what those cavemen downstairs think
00:12:01This place is just as much ours as it is theirs
00:12:04The road is going to be rough
00:12:06It's going to be dirty
00:12:07And occasionally we'll have a used condom in it
00:12:10But we can do this
00:12:13Sisters on three
00:12:17One, two, three
00:12:18This is bullshit
00:12:20We can't have chicks living here
00:12:23Yeah, I totally agree
00:12:24You know that brunette?
00:12:27Yo, I'd love to get her Canadian swirl
00:12:29And avoid bronco on four flat tires
00:12:32Dude, what?
00:12:33Makes zero sense, dude
00:12:35Look, guys, this is our house
00:12:37Those girls were invaders in our territory
00:12:39Cameron and I, we've wanted to be Elvis for as long as I can remember
00:12:42And I'm not throwing that dream down the shitter because of some chicks
00:12:45Yeah, me too, dude, but my dream did not include a pussy embargo
00:12:49You guys are missing the bigger picture here
00:12:51Did you see the talent that just walked into this house?
00:12:54At this moment, the rooms directly above our heads are being stocked with some pretty decent great inventory
00:13:01This house is basically just a Costco full of vag, right?
00:13:05And if we play our cards right, we might be getting some free samples
00:13:09Besides, how bad can it be living with girls?
00:13:11Huh
00:13:20What's going on?
00:13:21They're cleaning
00:13:23Nice work, ladies
00:13:27What the fuck do you think you're doing?
00:13:29Just because you're comfortable living like pigs doesn't mean we have to be here
00:14:02Okay because we've never passed away
00:14:02You guys are looking for concrete
00:14:02Talking about boys and girls
00:14:08Look, one of the things dawning
00:14:08Say a lot of Billy!
00:14:14There's a lot of therapeutics
00:14:15In this moment, people그리고
00:14:26Beak!
00:14:39Beak!
00:14:41What the hell?
00:14:48What's going on?
00:14:50You're painting this room.
00:14:51So?
00:14:52You're painting this room pink.
00:14:59Fucking hate pink.
00:15:04I didn't get used to the view, though.
00:15:13Yo, I definitely get both in on my cherry twizzle.
00:15:36That's next to my bicycle.
00:15:42This breeze could carry me away.
00:15:51And leave my fickle feet astray.
00:15:58Enjoying the view?
00:16:00Oh, ho, ho, ho.
00:16:02Um, uh...
00:16:05Yeah.
00:16:06What do you say?
00:16:09We were just...
00:16:10Right.
00:16:14You know, these paint fumes are making me kind of dizzy.
00:16:16Oh, yeah, me too.
00:16:20You want to...
00:16:22get out of here?
00:16:24Definitely.
00:16:25Okay.
00:16:46You're a big one for me.
00:16:49Take a look.
00:16:54Take a look.
00:16:58Take a look.
00:17:00Take a look.
00:17:02I can't forget you, can't forget you.
00:17:08Perf!
00:17:08Oh!
00:17:09Oh!
00:17:10I'm gonna kill you!
00:17:12I like that!
00:17:13I like that!
00:17:14Help me!
00:17:15What happened?
00:17:16I caught Jersey Shore here staring at me through my bedroom door!
00:17:19Whoa!
00:17:19Kiss my taint, all right?
00:17:20I am way cooler than those Jersey Shore douchebags!
00:17:23I'm taking this to Marshall!
00:17:24Whoa!
00:17:25Whoa-kay!
00:17:26Pause right there, all right?
00:17:27Nobody has to take anything to Dean Marshall.
00:17:29How about you promise to stay in your part of the house,
00:17:33and Will promise to stay in ours?
00:17:35But-but we get the basement, okay?
00:17:36You guys got to go all fucking Martha Stewart on the rest of the house.
00:17:39We get one place that's just ours, just like we like it.
00:17:42Deal?
00:17:44If I catch you looking at me again,
00:17:47I'm turning your balls into a keychain.
00:17:49Is that a promise?
00:17:51No!
00:17:52Ooh!
00:17:52Ooh!
00:17:53I love her.
00:17:55I love her.
00:17:56Dude, I-what?
00:18:01I'm taking this place over.
00:18:03Then what the fuck are we doing about it?!
00:18:05Because I am one ass hair away from leaving.
00:18:12We do what we do best.
00:18:14And that would be?
00:18:15We be guys.
00:18:17We do everything we can to run the Deltas out of this place
00:18:19and back into the lecture hall they came from,
00:18:20and then we take Alba House back for ourselves.
00:18:23What about Marshall's big plan?
00:18:24What's he gonna do about it if they leave voluntarily?
00:18:27But what about the bitchy one?
00:18:29Leave her to me.
00:18:31You boys ready for this?
00:18:33Oh yeah.
00:18:35Good.
00:18:36We start at sunup.
00:18:43Let's go!
00:18:44Let's go!
00:18:45Let's go!
00:18:46Let's go!
00:18:46Let's go!
00:18:48Let's go!
00:18:49Get out!
00:18:49No shirts!
00:18:50No!
00:18:50I'm out!
00:18:52I'm out!
00:18:53Wait!
00:18:56Wake up!
00:18:58Keep going!
00:19:05Listen up recruits!
00:19:07As acting president of Alfa House,
00:19:08It is my responsibility, strike that,
00:19:11My pleasure to ensure that you have the proper induction in this most honorable institution.
00:19:18Being an Alpha is a goddamn privilege!
00:19:20It's a goddamn privilege!
00:19:22Yeah!
00:19:22And like any privilege, it's earned through hard work.
00:19:25Isn't that right, gentlemen?
00:19:27Hoorah!
00:19:28Give me a break.
00:19:29New recruits will ask for permission before speaking to the president!
00:19:32Speak to this!
00:19:35What is your name, recruit?
00:19:38Kelly Kramer.
00:19:39Do you have a middle name?
00:19:41Fuck off.
00:19:43Pretty.
00:19:44People call you K2?
00:19:45Nobody calls me K2.
00:19:46Here's the deal, K2.
00:19:48Just as generations of Alphas before you,
00:19:52you and your little fembots here are going to have to endure some minor inconveniences
00:19:58to demonstrate you are worthy for a spot in this house.
00:20:04If any of you can't handle it, you are welcome to leave.
00:20:10Bring it, shit weasel.
00:20:12Play your little games.
00:20:14Get that frat bullshit out of your system.
00:20:16But guess what?
00:20:17We're still going to be here.
00:20:19Are we done?
00:20:20You are dismissed.
00:20:23Whatever.
00:20:24Girls.
00:20:26That didn't go as planned.
00:20:28No, it did not.
00:20:30They have to leave?
00:20:32Oh, they will.
00:20:34I have a plan.
00:20:48Excuse me, Lee.
00:20:49Hey!
00:20:50I'm so sorry.
00:20:51We good?
00:20:51You're watching that.
00:20:52We're watching this now.
00:20:54Oh, go ahead.
00:20:57And this is how they pay for college.
00:20:59Oh.
00:21:01Alright, K2.
00:21:02You got the choice between every hole filled with cock, Brazilian whores in Vegas,
00:21:05looks like that won an award, or white men can hop.
00:21:09Oh, sorry.
00:21:10Don't have a TV in my room.
00:21:11Oh.
00:21:11No problem.
00:21:12Boys!
00:21:14Good to go, boss.
00:21:15Good.
00:21:16Alright.
00:21:17White men can hop it is.
00:21:20Alright, let's get those TV's bouncing.
00:21:21Nice.
00:21:26Home movie?
00:21:27Uh, sorry.
00:21:28It's...
00:21:28It's part of, you know...
00:21:32It's alright.
00:21:33Hey, I might even learn a thing or two.
00:21:36I...
00:21:38Uh...
00:21:38Gotta go.
00:21:45This is not why I joined your stupid sorority.
00:21:49Change is never easy, Renee.
00:21:50But we're not about to let some...
00:21:52Smutty videos break us.
00:21:54We will persevere.
00:21:56Hello, ladies.
00:21:59Hi.
00:21:59We got a treat for you.
00:22:01And other shirts.
00:22:01What is this?
00:22:03Oh, well, we thought that the house could use a little more solidarity.
00:22:06So, what each and every one of you is going to do is think of the sluttiest thing you've ever
00:22:10done on a first date, write it on the shirt, and wear it to dinner.
00:22:13What?
00:22:14No.
00:22:15Why not?
00:22:16Come on.
00:22:16We're doing it, too.
00:22:18See?
00:22:19Solidarity.
00:22:21Besides, President's orders.
00:22:22Right, Cam?
00:22:22Don't get in!
00:22:24See you all at dinner.
00:22:25Bye.
00:22:28I'm not doing this.
00:22:30Yes, you are.
00:22:31We all are.
00:22:32Think of all the women who have stood up for what they believe is right.
00:22:35Elizabeth Blackwell.
00:22:37Susan B. Anthony.
00:22:38Sneaky!
00:22:41If those women could endure all they had to go through, surely we can endure this.
00:22:48Right, ladies?
00:22:50All of you, start writing.
00:22:53And be truthful.
00:22:55We wouldn't want to compromise our integrity.
00:23:03Jessica, I said be truthful.
00:23:22I made these for you.
00:23:25I made these for you.
00:23:35Oh, my God.
00:23:37Oh, my God.
00:23:42God, dude!
00:23:43I don't know what the fuck this is!
00:23:44No, relax.
00:23:46I am on it.
00:23:54It's working!
00:23:56All right, titty cam number one.
00:23:58It's ready for its broadcast day.
00:24:00Sweet.
00:24:01Let's roll!
00:24:06I've already kept a pair of pants.
00:24:27Perfection!
00:24:42I get a sense of your attraction.
00:24:48But you might want to play a different course of action.
00:24:54Cause I'm trash, yeah I'm trash.
00:24:57Somebody help me cause I'm flat on my ass.
00:25:00I'm trash, yeah I'm trash.
00:25:03Can somebody help me cause I'm ready to crash.
00:25:07I'm all out of luck and I'm all out of cash now.
00:25:13No, no, no, no, hold it!
00:25:20Still another one.
00:25:21Alright.
00:25:29Jackpot.
00:25:30I still don't want to go to flight class today.
00:25:33Hey, how was history yesterday?
00:25:35Fuck.
00:25:35The feminist movement.
00:25:37Turn around.
00:25:38Turn around.
00:25:40They make the Disney princesses seem like they're bad.
00:25:44I mean, hello!
00:25:45They get everything they wanted.
00:25:47What the fuck is that?
00:25:49Hey, did you see that?
00:25:51Asshole!
00:25:57Zack, Zack.
00:25:58You gotta check out this footage.
00:26:00It's totally epic.
00:26:01Maybe later guys.
00:26:03Titties!
00:26:09Hey there!
00:26:10Spot!
00:26:11Can a guy get some...
00:26:12Oh.
00:26:15Hi.
00:26:16Studying, huh?
00:26:18Trying to.
00:26:19Just like old times.
00:26:21You remember our first date?
00:26:24Seventh grade.
00:26:26After school you asked me to meet you.
00:26:28In the library.
00:26:30Right.
00:26:31You said you wanted me to help you with your history assignment.
00:26:34But I seem to remember what you really wanted was to feel my boots.
00:26:38Under the sweater, over the bra if I remember correctly.
00:26:40Oh, you remember.
00:26:43So, what are you studying now?
00:26:47History.
00:26:48You don't say.
00:26:52I'll let you get to it.
00:27:01We should shower again from our office.
00:27:03Yeah, it's so much fun.
00:27:05It's good for the environment.
00:27:06It is.
00:27:07I know, we're sleeping together.
00:27:08Helping bunny.
00:27:09Yeah.
00:27:12You're a bitch!
00:27:14Oh.
00:27:15Hey!
00:27:16Hey!
00:27:20Hey!
00:27:21Hey!
00:27:23Do you have to be such an asshole?
00:27:25I think you mean president asshole.
00:27:31I'm taking this to the dean.
00:27:33Y'all would love to get her Alabama Hot Pocket.
00:27:36I have no idea what that means.
00:27:37I'll tell you about it later.
00:27:39Stop.
00:27:39Stop.
00:27:40Stop me.
00:27:41Stop that.
00:27:45You're serious.
00:27:47Well, now you're just flirting with me academically, aren't you?
00:27:49No, seriously.
00:27:50Those, those are impressive numbers.
00:27:53I'm on the phone!
00:27:54I'm going to lunch.
00:27:55Be back by one!
00:27:57By three.
00:28:00Yes!
00:28:00Yes!
00:28:01Well, I look forward to speaking about Virgin Mary much more as well.
00:28:07Yes, yes, Alpha House Project is moving forward.
00:28:10Students are getting along.
00:28:12No, no, no, no, no complaints.
00:28:14And, uh, if there are, there's always provision 13.
00:28:23Listen, if we have to use it, we most definitely will.
00:28:26No.
00:28:28Listen up, ladies.
00:28:29The game has changed.
00:28:30Before you know it, we're going to have this house all to ourselves.
00:28:33How?
00:28:34Like this.
00:28:37What are you doing?
00:28:39What we have to do to take this house.
00:28:41Saddle up, girls.
00:28:43It's time to blow some minds.
00:28:54Hey, Cameron.
00:28:55Hey.
00:28:56Hey, what's up, K2?
00:28:58Um, I just really wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting lately.
00:29:02Really?
00:29:03Yeah.
00:29:03You know, I know it must be weird being forced to live with a bunch of women.
00:29:07It's a lot to take in all at once.
00:29:09Yeah, it's cool.
00:29:10We've been having fun.
00:29:11Yeah, totally.
00:29:13Us too.
00:29:14Anyways, the girls and I wanted to offer you a kind of peace offering.
00:29:18Oh, a peace offering?
00:29:20Yeah.
00:29:21You know, for all the trouble we've caused you, it's the least we can do.
00:29:26So, dinner tonight at the house?
00:29:29On us?
00:29:30Sure, sounds good.
00:29:32Perfect.
00:29:33I'll see you then.
00:29:34And remember to dress nice.
00:29:36We've got something really special planned.
00:29:38Alright.
00:29:39See ya.
00:29:40Okay, bye.
00:30:03Good evening, gentlemen.
00:30:05We, your Alpha sisters, would like to thank you for welcoming us so warmly into your home.
00:30:09As a token of our gratitude, we prepared a very special meal for you tonight.
00:30:14One I think you'll remember for a long time.
00:30:22Please, take a seat.
00:30:45Enjoy your dinner, boys.
00:30:47I'll take you down.
00:30:51I'll take you down.
00:30:57I don't know about y'all fellas, but I am famished.
00:31:11Time for stage two.
00:31:12Please.
00:31:17Yes.
00:31:18Associate Dean Marshall, please.
00:31:24Don't you like what you see?
00:31:26I'm great.
00:31:27It looks delicious.
00:31:29Then helps yourself.
00:31:39Oh!
00:31:40Oh, oh! Do it! Do it!
00:31:42No! No! No! No!
00:31:44No! No! No!
00:31:45Damn it!
00:31:46Too much money!
00:32:00Do you have any wasabi?
00:32:03Of course.
00:32:06Huh.
00:32:10Is it good?
00:32:27Bangorang!
00:32:31Oh my God.
00:32:37Dude, they're just booze, man.
00:32:40No, no, no, no. He's choking.
00:32:42Oh my God!
00:32:43Does anybody know the Heimlich?
00:32:44I'm here, but I'm a lab guard.
00:32:49I'm a lab guard.
00:32:54Are you okay?
00:32:55Are you okay? Look at my face, asshole.
00:32:57What is going on?
00:33:02Oh my God.
00:33:05Oh my God.
00:33:09Oh my God.
00:33:23Oh my God.
00:33:23They say I was disappointed, but doesn't quite cover it.
00:33:27Oh, aghast.
00:33:28Crest falling.
00:33:29Disgrace.
00:33:29Irate.
00:33:30Melancholy.
00:33:30Pissed off.
00:33:32That's a good one.
00:33:34Because of your antics and heinous treatment of sushi, I've been forced to expel members of your fraternity for indecency
00:33:42and fraternization.
00:33:43And I particularly expected more from you, Miss Kramer.
00:33:45Me too.
00:33:46Shut up, potty mouth.
00:33:48I'm so sorry, sir.
00:33:49It won't happen again.
00:33:51Good.
00:33:52Because I will not hesitate to put each and every one of you out on the street if you cannot
00:33:59follow the rules.
00:34:06That is all.
00:34:12Baker's gone.
00:34:13Damn.
00:34:14So what?
00:34:15Are we done?
00:34:16We're just getting started.
00:34:18We dial it up a notch.
00:34:19We just can't get caught in the process.
00:34:24One man eliminated, but now we've lost two of our own.
00:34:29That was sloppy.
00:34:31From now on, we play smarter.
00:34:33We play harder.
00:34:35We can't afford to have any more casualties.
00:34:49Buddy, you sure it's going to work?
00:34:51Dude, please.
00:34:52I switched to do these this morning.
00:34:56Well, this is going to be educational.
00:35:06Good afternoon.
00:35:08My presentation is on Pompeii.
00:35:13In 79 AD, the Italian city of Pompeii was destroyed by the sudden and devastating eruption of Mount Vesuvius.
00:35:23For centuries before its ruin, however, Pompeii was a thriving metropolis.
00:35:28A place of wealth and abundance.
00:35:31In fact, its citizens produced works of art, dance and music still admirable today.
00:35:37You don't say.
00:35:40Thanks.
00:35:42Little did the people know that danger is lurking in the peaks and mountains nearby.
00:35:53Oh, my God!
00:35:55Oh, my God!
00:35:57Oh, my God!
00:35:59Oh, my God!
00:36:00Stop!
00:36:03That's the other thing, dude!
00:36:04I love it!
00:36:08Don!
00:36:13You did it.
00:36:14Kill your children and your children's children.
00:36:19Come on!
00:36:34So, Abby seems to think you guys had something to do with her presentation.
00:36:39Uh, I assure you, we had nothing to do with the destruction of Pompeii.
00:36:45Whatever.
00:36:48I'm sorry that Edgar got kicked out last night.
00:36:51Yeah.
00:36:52Same about Jessica and Katie.
00:36:56Who would have thought that Associate Dean Douchebag was actually a man of his word?
00:37:00Still not sure why he showed up at that exact moment, though.
00:37:05Just bad luck, I guess.
00:37:08Hey, do you remember that night in high school when we were in Johnny Peterson's basement
00:37:13and you threw up all over his coffee table?
00:37:16Oh, yes.
00:37:18I told his mom I was sick with the flu.
00:37:20Did not have the heart to tell her that we got into his dad's liquor.
00:37:23Yeah, I drank you under the table that night.
00:37:25What?
00:37:26I'm just saying, you are kind of a lightweight.
00:37:29Oh, really?
00:37:30Really.
00:37:31Really.
00:37:32Really.
00:37:35Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Sip or Strip.
00:37:39The rules are simple.
00:37:40You flip this coin and call it in the air.
00:37:42Get it right, you take a shot.
00:37:43Get it wrong, you remove an article of clothing and take a shot.
00:37:48If you pass out or end up naked, you're out.
00:37:51The last man or woman standing wins the game.
00:37:58There are no prizes.
00:37:59This is simply a challenge to determine the better sex.
00:38:03Are you ready?
00:38:04Yeah!
00:38:15I'm ready.
00:38:16I'm ready.
00:38:34I'm working solid.
00:38:41So long, so long, so long
00:38:46I've been thinking it's about to not be working for myself
00:38:51We sweat and sleep and tell a tree
00:38:55Our lives the way, our lives are paid
00:38:59The rent, the car, the food, the bar
00:39:02The rainy days till the next day we get paid
00:39:06The rent, the rent, the rent, the rent
00:39:15The rent, the rent, the rent, the rent
00:39:16Do it, take it off, do it
00:39:21Do it, come on
00:39:25I'm looking so alone, so long for someone else
00:39:31I've been thinking it's about time I'll be working for myself
00:39:37We sweat and sleep and sell and trade
00:39:41Our lives away, our lives to pay
00:39:45The rent, the car, the food, the bar
00:39:48The rainy days till the next day we get paid
00:40:12I'm so beating you right now
00:40:14Alright then, let's finish this
00:40:19Ed's
00:40:39Easy now
00:40:42I want a rematch
00:40:43Okay, lie back
00:40:44Because you're very, very drunk right now
00:40:57We can't do this
00:40:58All my secrets
00:41:00I thought you were the one
00:41:04The promises, the promises
00:41:07I swear they last for a lifetime
00:41:12The things I said, the things I said
00:41:15I always had to keep you hanging
00:41:20I am
00:41:21I'm what I want to be
00:41:24You are
00:41:25You're just a fantasy
00:41:28We are
00:41:29Zach
00:41:34Hey
00:41:39Lightweight
00:41:40This time around
00:41:43The truth of us will be our head
00:41:58What am I doing here?
00:42:09How did I get here?
00:42:10You pay?
00:42:19What the hell is going on here?
00:42:22Exactly what I said would happen when one of your boys crossed the line
00:42:25What?
00:42:25Nobody
00:42:25I found them with a few of my girls in their rooms
00:42:28Huh, sounds pretty consensual to me
00:42:30No
00:42:31It sounds like you can aspire to get them drunk so you can take advantage of them
00:42:34Oh, horse shit
00:42:36You were there
00:42:37I suggest you boys begin adhering to the rules
00:42:42Otherwise, you'll all be looking for a new home
00:42:48Kelly's going to wipe us out if we don't get some help
00:42:51I think I know just the person
00:43:17Yo, who is that?
00:43:20That, my boys
00:43:21Is my cousin Natalie
00:43:23She's our inside man
00:43:25Cameron
00:43:27Boys
00:43:29I heard you need some help
00:43:30Yeah, you have no idea
00:43:31Fucking tongue back in your face, dude
00:43:35Come on, baby
00:43:35What about that?
00:43:43Oh, God
00:43:48I'm busy, Stephanie
00:43:50He's busy
00:43:51I don't give a rat's ass
00:43:53Marshall
00:43:54What the devil are you up to?
00:43:56Dean Bungalon
00:43:58I'm not quite sure what you're referring to
00:44:00Alpha House?
00:44:01You're trying to launch some kind of co-ed program?
00:44:05Yes, yes
00:44:06The first of its kind in the state, in fact
00:44:09Very progressive
00:44:10And certainly within my remit as associate dean
00:44:14But I hear that it has resulted in the ejection of some students from the fraternity
00:44:18Yes, it's unfortunate but necessary
00:44:20My ass
00:44:22I cannot for the life of me figure out why you would think it's a good idea
00:44:26To put a bunch of sexed up young adults under one roof
00:44:29What did you think was going to happen?
00:44:31The benefits of the program far outweigh the risks
00:44:34Making the Greek system co-ed fosters unity between the genders
00:44:38And offers for a more cohesive living situation
00:44:42But no fraternization with the opposite sex?
00:44:45You're suppressing their natural urges
00:44:47Hell, when I was an Alpha
00:44:49Yes, yes, we all know about the old days when you went Greek, sir
00:44:54The point is
00:44:56Students come to Sterling College
00:44:57To learn and to have fun
00:44:59Not to be put into some social experiment
00:45:01I appreciate your concern, sir
00:45:04I don't know what your endgame is, Marshal
00:45:07But if I get a call that says that this little plant of yours went tits up
00:45:12It's your ass
00:45:13Not mine
00:45:14Tits up my ass
00:45:16Got it
00:45:18Will there be anything else, sir?
00:45:21No
00:45:22Carry on with, um
00:45:24Whatever it is you're doing here
00:45:33Ladies, this is Natalie
00:45:35She just transferred to Sterling
00:45:37So please make her feel at home
00:45:38Hi, Natalie
00:45:40Hey
00:45:41I'm Emily
00:45:42I'm Allison
00:45:43Hi
00:45:46Here comes a modern man
00:45:48Perfect hair and spray on tan cuff links
00:45:51It's bridling
00:45:53He's better realizing
00:45:55And bottom runs like you
00:45:56I sanctify
00:45:59Don't you wanna be wise enough
00:46:02Don't you wanna be rich and tough
00:46:05But from small
00:46:07You're cooler than I do
00:46:16He's better than you are
00:46:18A bigger dick
00:46:18A faster toss
00:46:19Yeah, I'm tight
00:46:21Smooth lies
00:46:22He works it wireless
00:46:24But there's the entire
00:46:25Super size
00:46:28Don't you wanna be wise enough
00:46:31Don't you wanna be rich and tough
00:46:34Buffin's my
00:46:36Cooler than I do
00:46:39Congratulations
00:46:41You're the top of the heat
00:46:45You get results that we can save
00:46:51Here's some flotation
00:46:53Cause you're drowning in it
00:46:56Take a big whiff
00:46:59You'll see
00:47:01You suck worse than me
00:47:09Well he's a five-year planter
00:47:10Skyloft and a warmer rider
00:47:12Take this
00:47:13He's here
00:47:15He hates his fellow man
00:47:16He's been to Ever Dance twice
00:47:21Don't you wanna be wise
00:47:23Don't you wanna be with some time
00:47:27But there's not yellow in him say
00:47:32Congratulations
00:47:33You're the top of the heaps
00:47:37You get results that we can save
00:47:43Here's some flotation
00:47:45Cause you're drowning in it
00:47:48Take a big whiff
00:48:04You're the king of douchebags and disease
00:48:11Yeah
00:48:13You suck worse than God
00:48:16Five or three
00:48:21Any progress with Kelly?
00:48:22No progress there
00:48:23That girl is rab-tider than a condom on P.O. Nord's dick
00:48:26Just keep trying to break that hymen
00:48:28Okay
00:48:28If you see any opportunity to take some leverage
00:48:30Take it
00:48:31Roger that
00:48:33Love you cousin
00:48:40I need you to do some research for me
00:48:42I think we have a double agent in our midst
00:48:44Find out everything you can about that new girl, Natalie
00:48:47I'm on it
00:48:49Time to turn up the heat
00:48:58Oh no, no, no, no, no, no
00:48:59Okay, not in here
00:49:02This is our basement
00:49:03Okay, this is our territory
00:49:06Haven't you ever heard of burlesque or size?
00:49:16Okay, but
00:49:18Like, like five minutes
00:49:21Don't distress
00:49:21But S.O.S. on a quest
00:49:22We manifest at the quest
00:49:24Nevertheless, S.O.S. I'm feeling helpless
00:49:26Keep it true on a quest
00:49:27To lose you will be a mess
00:49:28So I'm paying for the best
00:49:29And I guess
00:49:30We gotta do something right
00:49:32Better do it tonight
00:49:33Otherwise
00:49:33I love when we shine it bright
00:49:35We're keeping our life tight
00:49:36You shine like a neon light
00:49:37So tell me what we're doing tonight
00:49:53Um, we can make a ten
00:49:56We can make a ten
00:50:09To lose you will Melanie
00:50:11Not in here
00:50:12Fall you will Miami
00:50:20Tell me what you're doing tonight
00:50:29Like, have you behind me
00:50:29Em лайming u deal
00:50:33So tell me what you're doing tonight
00:50:37And Jimmy, today
00:50:44Now that I've been hiding from love
00:50:47Go on
00:50:49Now that I've been hiding from love
00:50:57Go on
00:50:58It's just so hard, so hard
00:51:00Just as I would've gone
00:51:01Don't stop, don't stop
00:51:02I, I, I
00:51:06I, I, I
00:51:30I, I, I
00:52:02I think I want more.
00:52:04Right.
00:52:06Yeah, baby.
00:52:08There we go.
00:52:09That's me.
00:52:17Oh, shit.
00:52:18Ouch.
00:52:21What is going on in here?
00:52:41I'm so close.
00:52:46dude we should all just leave the house okay we're dropping like flies
00:52:51y'all wish i could get alice in a drop her pants
00:52:53y'all better cool this like fine china dude now you're just being creepy
00:52:57guys we can do this and we're alphas for christ's sake
00:53:03all right we'll wear them down you'll see
00:53:17um you okay we're not going to make it not with you girls walking around the house
00:53:21flunting your goods flunting our goods we're not built to defend against this
00:53:25it's it's like you're actually trying to get us tossed out
00:53:32all i ever wanted was to be an alpha
00:53:45what are you doing it's flaunting my goods
00:53:55oh
00:53:55oh
00:53:58let it burn your eyes
00:54:01oh
00:54:02oh
00:54:03oh
00:54:04oh
00:54:19feeling better
00:54:21uh yeah
00:54:26i need to tell you something
00:54:29you're right about us
00:54:32kelly is trying to take over alpha house and turn it into a sorority
00:54:35what
00:54:37how
00:54:39it's something called provision 13
00:54:42it states that if the ratio of either gender falls below 40 percent the gender that has the majority
00:54:47has control
00:54:49that's why you guys have been getting kicked out so that we have the majority
00:54:54we've been playing you the entire time
00:54:59i'm sorry
00:55:00i'm sorry
00:55:01i'm sorry
00:55:11oh you asshole
00:55:13you cross enemy lines
00:55:15i can't believe you're fucking her
00:55:17smell any of all of them
00:55:18it was just one
00:55:19oh
00:55:20and a half
00:55:23okay
00:55:24look
00:55:26i am sorry
00:55:26that i punched you
00:55:28but you fucking deserved it you know that
00:55:30i know
00:55:31shit
00:55:33shit
00:55:34so what do we do now huh big guy
00:55:39why
00:55:39i have an idea
00:55:46i have an idea
00:55:48all right we're sneaking to dean marshall's office we try whatever we can about this provision 13 bullshit and we
00:55:51use it against the girls
00:55:52okay
00:55:52shit security
00:55:53go go go
00:55:54what are you doing
00:56:11okay let's do this quick in quick out
00:56:13thank you mom
00:56:13dick
00:56:15okay
00:56:20you finding anything
00:56:21ah no
00:56:24do do do do do do check it out
00:56:28what
00:56:32got it
00:56:32all right
00:56:33now let's rub our balls all over his office
00:56:35dibs on his phone
00:56:36okay
00:56:39shit
00:56:41shit
00:56:41come on
00:56:42come on
00:56:45i want to fuck me on my freak boss's desk
00:56:52treat me like a fat girl
00:56:53oh you're such a freak when we did in marshall's office
00:56:59enjoy it while it's your baby
00:57:02marshall's got his eye on the dean position at virgin mary college
00:57:07prestigious expensive and all girls
00:57:10what do you think he came up with that freak idea to co-ed all the fraternities
00:57:15he had to show his commitment to women's issues in order to seal the deal
00:57:19oh
00:57:20marshall's such a fucking freak
00:57:21he only wants that job so that he can flirt with college girls
00:57:26flip
00:57:33gentlemen
00:57:34we are not going to sit idly by and watch our beloved fraternity be stolen from beneath our feet
00:57:39from this night forward we do everything in our powers to stop the advancement of kelly
00:57:43and the muggy dick lover we know as associate dean douchebag
00:57:46how
00:57:46well
00:57:47uh
00:57:49enough
00:57:49with the drawings just tell them the plan
00:57:52well first we vow not to touch the poon
00:57:55so keep it in your pants
00:57:57then
00:57:57we beat those lying
00:58:00disingenuous
00:58:02fraudulent
00:58:02mendacious
00:58:03perfidious
00:58:05whores
00:58:06at their own game
00:58:08who's with us
00:58:14ladies and gentlemen
00:58:16welcome to brief charity days
00:58:18where all proceeds earned by students
00:58:20are donated to the charity of every fraternity and sororities choice
00:58:28hmm
00:58:30yeah
00:58:30not exactly the turnout i was expecting
00:58:33but it's not pretty shitty
00:58:36yeah
00:58:37actually
00:58:37yeah
00:58:40the uh
00:58:41girls seem to be doing pretty well
00:58:44suspiciously well
00:58:45come get your kisses
00:58:56dude give me ten dollars
00:58:58get you to stop it
00:58:59alright
00:59:00hey everyone
00:59:00woah look
00:59:02give money to charity day
00:59:07oh are you gonna squirt me with your big gun
00:59:12that'll be 75 dollars
00:59:15thanks
00:59:17think you can squirt?
00:59:26we are in trouble man
00:59:27big trouble
00:59:30Zach
00:59:30uh Zach?
00:59:32Zach who?
00:59:32oh come on Cameron
00:59:35oh Zach
00:59:37he's not here did you see it?
00:59:40really?
00:59:41you're that pissed at me?
00:59:44uh he says that you liked him and that he was bad at the sex
00:59:47oh
00:59:48what did you expect me to do?
00:59:49i'm trying to fit in
00:59:50be a part of the group
00:59:51just like you
00:59:52you would have done the same thing
00:59:54probably already have
00:59:57he says he has nothing else to say to you
00:59:58well i have nothing else to say to him either
01:00:00dude she is cute
01:00:02we need to figure something out
01:00:03we need to figure this
01:00:03decent body too
01:00:04we need to get serious
01:00:05hey i have a question
01:00:05if you're ever done with her do you think i could like
01:00:07yes
01:00:07Cam?
01:00:09you like her
01:00:10shut up
01:00:11you likes Melanie i fucking knew it
01:00:18hey guys
01:00:19Zach likes Melanie
01:00:20okay you get one more of those and i swear to christ i'm gonna punch you right in the gooch
01:00:26what you got?
01:00:28almost finished
01:00:28check it out
01:00:30nice
01:00:30and the website?
01:00:32ready to roll
01:00:36five bucks a day?
01:00:37keeps the blue balls away
01:00:39make it ten
01:00:41we're getting creamed out there
01:00:43ten it is
01:00:44come back time
01:00:52i know that kelly is into this whole empowerment thing but i kind of just want to rage and get
01:01:01some dick you know?
01:01:01i mean that's what her car is supposed to be all about right?
01:01:04i totally agree
01:01:09hey Renee can you move to the right a bit?
01:01:14why?
01:01:15i wanted to get a better look at your bra it's really nice
01:01:20you think so?
01:01:21yeah can i see it?
01:01:22yeah
01:01:22i finally splurged and got myself some new ones
01:01:27here you go
01:01:28oh perfecto
01:01:31it is nice
01:01:32mhm
01:01:33i love your cousin
01:01:34touch her and i'll kill you man
01:01:36literally
01:01:38it's cute
01:01:39it would get me dick
01:01:40oh it definitely would
01:01:44nice job boys
01:01:46we have a problem
01:01:47camera seven's offline
01:01:48which one is that?
01:01:50it's the one in k2's room
01:01:51oh shit
01:01:52you think she found it?
01:01:53i don't know
01:01:54if she did she'd be in here cutting her dicks off right? wouldn't she?
01:01:58oh fuck
01:02:12shhh
01:02:18dude so how much have you made so far?
01:02:19twelve thousand dollars
01:02:20what?
01:02:21yeah and that's just the first day dude i'm telling you zach if we keep going like this we're gonna
01:02:24be able to buy our own fraternity
01:02:26hey february
01:02:27hey february
01:02:27dude that's like the third time that's happened to me today
01:02:29what?
01:02:30called you february?
01:02:31yeah weird right?
01:02:32yeah
01:02:33hello boys
01:02:35ladies would you like your copies autographed?
01:02:39hey ladies it's plenty of me to go around
01:02:42now exactly what am i autographing?
01:02:43this
01:02:45oh shit
01:02:47what happened to my dick?
01:02:48i know i'm so sorry
01:02:50this is not what i look like this is not what i look like
01:02:52i have a friend who's really good at photo editing
01:02:54give me that
01:02:59mine's crooked
01:03:00actually it's a perfect right angle
01:03:01my dick does not look like this
01:03:04dude calm down
01:03:05no no i will not calm down
01:03:07i need the world to know that i do not have a god damn 90 degree penis
01:03:10in fact i am gonna show everybody
01:03:13dude keep your pants on
01:03:14nope i'm gonna prove it right now to everybody
01:03:15this is not over
01:03:16not yet
01:03:17come on
01:03:17i wanna show up
01:03:19kelly
01:03:20what's wrong?
01:03:20i've got that research you asked for on natalie
01:03:23cousins?
01:03:50are you there?
01:03:52are you there?
01:03:52are you bad?
01:03:53bad?
01:03:54girl
01:04:00what are you guys doing here?
01:04:02we got the note from kelly says she want the party
01:04:05shit
01:04:06we've been set up
01:04:07come on we have to get out of here
01:04:08oh my god
01:04:11what are you doing in my room?
01:04:13with drugs
01:04:14and fetish wear
01:04:16i told you they were out of control
01:04:18oh
01:04:20well dean bungalon
01:04:21i think you'll agree there really is no choice here
01:04:29i agree
01:04:32gentlemen
01:04:34madame
01:04:36you're out
01:04:38dude
01:04:39well that's it then
01:04:41without these two the guys have less than forty percent
01:04:43and even without miss lady payne here
01:04:45we've still got the majority
01:04:46alpha house is ours
01:04:54you know it didn't have to be this way
01:04:58we could have changed sterling college for the better
01:05:01we could have found a way to live together as equals
01:05:07but instead
01:05:08you had to sow the seeds of discontent
01:05:10and you know what happened?
01:05:13you raked the fucking world wind
01:05:15that's what happened
01:05:17oh
01:05:21you're sexy when you're megalomaniacal
01:05:23laugh it up frodo
01:05:25but tonight i'll be sleeping in my nice warm bed
01:05:29in this very house
01:05:31where will you be sleeping?
01:05:33oh well it's tuesday so that would be with your mom
01:05:37ahhh
01:05:39oh
01:05:44later losers
01:05:46come on lady folks out
01:05:50i'm really sorry boys
01:05:53i wish there was something i could do
01:05:54yeah yeah me too
01:05:55but um unfortunately my hands are tied
01:05:58yeah i'm sure
01:06:01come on guys
01:06:19i brought all the paperwork to officially turn alpha house into the delta pi sorority
01:06:23all you have to do is sign right here
01:06:29is there something wrong?
01:06:31i'm afraid we are going in a different direction
01:06:35you see the coed fraternity project was meant to showcase how sterling college fosters productive interaction between the genders
01:06:43i'm sure you'll agree it was an unmitigated disaster
01:06:46i don't understand what about provision 13?
01:06:50give you the fraternity
01:06:52oh i don't know
01:06:53why don't i also open up a brothel?
01:06:58after what you girls did?
01:07:00oh i don't think so
01:07:02i did what you told me to do
01:07:04hmm?
01:07:06can you prove that?
01:07:08oh i don't think so
01:07:10you have 24 hours to vacate alpha house
01:07:18that is all
01:07:32girls
01:07:36we need to talk
01:07:39alpha is no longer a fraternity
01:07:41yeah no shit
01:07:42you made sure of that corella de vil
01:07:44we were just following marshall's orders
01:07:46he told me he wanted to show how he was this big supporter of female empowerment by turning the most
01:07:50sexist fraternity on campus into a sorority
01:07:52but in the end he just wanted to shut it down
01:07:54and he used us to do it
01:07:56wait shut it down?
01:07:57completely
01:07:57abandoned
01:07:58boarded up
01:07:59we're just as homeless as you are now
01:08:00i know that i don't deserve this
01:08:02that we don't deserve this after what we did but
01:08:05we can't just sit back and watch alpha house disappear
01:08:07wait we?
01:08:09yes we
01:08:10that dick we needs to get what's coming to him
01:08:12nobody crosses kelly dorothy kramer
01:08:14what are you?
01:08:16that's dorothy
01:08:17shut up
01:08:18now are you gonna help us get alpha house back or what?
01:08:20mmmm i don't know
01:08:22you did already break our trust once
01:08:25please
01:08:26we'll do anything
01:08:28anything?
01:08:43looking good ladies
01:08:45we're in
01:08:46admin building 2pm
01:08:48and don't feel the need to change on a counter bus ok?
01:08:57i'm sorry but there's absolutely nothing i can do to overturn associate dean marshall's decisions
01:09:01what about the alpha creed?
01:09:02yeah once an alpha always an alpha
01:09:05i really wish i could help you
01:09:08thank you sir we really appreciate your time
01:09:12of course
01:09:14if marshall was to lose his position with the administration
01:09:17all of his policies would be reviewed
01:09:20wait a minute are you saying that if we get dean marshall kicked out of the college that we might
01:09:24be able to get alpha house back?
01:09:25well the reason for his dismissal would have to be something pretty effing dishonorable
01:09:30something so scandalous that the college would disown all of his decisions just to distance itself from him
01:09:38dishonorable
01:09:39scandalous
01:09:41we'll do it
01:09:41of course
01:09:43this conversation
01:09:45never happened
01:09:46of course
01:09:47thank you dean
01:09:51once an alpha always an alpha
01:09:55Cameron you take a team into marshall's office place cameras here, here, and here
01:10:00roger that
01:10:01once you're in be fast
01:10:02in and out
01:10:03but make sure the cameras are invisible
01:10:05undetectable
01:10:06we need full coverage
01:10:09go go
01:10:10go go go go go go
01:10:11come on let's go
01:10:13whatever he does in that office we need to see it
01:10:15what do you think we'll find
01:10:16i don't know but based on what his assistant said probably some freaky ass shit
01:10:32did he just ask to get fucked in the ass by a chick wearing a squirrel costume?
01:10:35yeah i think so
01:10:37i think i just kicked in my mouth a little
01:10:39what are we gonna do with all this intel after we gather it?
01:10:41we bait the trap
01:10:42we bait the trap
01:10:46good morning stephanie nice to see you working
01:10:52what is this?
01:10:59oh my
01:11:06i'm going to watch it
01:11:09whatever
01:11:28hello
01:11:29what's the password?
01:11:31acorn!
01:11:32acorn!
01:11:41acorn!
01:11:44um
01:11:44um
01:11:45miss
01:11:46furry double stuff
01:11:47hold on
01:11:48make yourself at home
01:11:54wow
01:11:55i uh
01:11:56i knew you had a lot of stuff but um
01:11:59oh
01:12:05this is so disgusting
01:12:08i think you mean this is so awesome
01:12:14isn't this what you wanted?
01:12:16mr rosenbush?
01:12:29sweet name of jesus weeps
01:12:32um
01:12:32please uh
01:12:34call me tiger
01:12:36his porn name is tiger rosenbush
01:12:40that's better than mine
01:12:42mokey mckinley
01:12:43ck2 what you do
01:12:44i know how it works
01:12:47and no
01:12:48i'm not gonna tell you my name
01:12:51okay
01:12:53tiger
01:13:02take your pants off
01:13:04okay
01:13:04right away
01:13:05miss dolla stuff
01:13:09okay
01:13:10okay
01:13:11okay
01:13:11okay
01:13:11okay
01:13:12almost there
01:13:12okay
01:13:12uh
01:13:17uh
01:13:17boxer briefs
01:13:18oh
01:13:19uh
01:13:20i can never make up my mind
01:13:21lose em
01:13:29where is it?
01:13:31that's it
01:13:32isn't it?
01:13:32no no no no that's a smudge
01:13:34oh
01:13:35mama squirrel loves nuts
01:13:40god
01:13:41oh you do
01:13:41oh
01:13:42bark like a dog
01:13:43what?
01:13:44bark
01:13:45ruff ruff
01:13:47louder
01:13:47Rawr! Rawr! Rawr!
01:13:52Meow like a pussycat.
01:13:53Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
01:13:55And what does the cow say?
01:13:56The cow says moo! Oh, the cow says moo!
01:13:59Are you ready, tiger?
01:14:03It's great!
01:14:05Oh, my God!
01:14:07Is she going to...
01:14:10Yes, she is!
01:14:23I am honored to be speaking in front of you today.
01:14:25I am particularly grateful to Provost Elias
01:14:29and the other Virgin Mary administrators
01:14:31for making time in the very busy schedules to be here today.
01:14:35Throughout my tenure at Stirling College,
01:14:37I'm most proud of how I fought for equal gender rights,
01:14:42although I did not achieve the level of success
01:14:45I had hoped with my most recent project,
01:14:48the rehabilitation of Stirling College's
01:14:51most notorious and disrespected fraternity.
01:14:55I swear to you, on my nanny's graves,
01:14:59I will continue the gender fight
01:15:01until I have serviced the needs of every female student.
01:15:05That is so gross.
01:15:07That is so gross.
01:15:08That I proffer my resignation
01:15:09as Associate Dean of Stirling College.
01:15:12You guys ready?
01:15:13And accept the position of Dean of Virgin Mary University.
01:15:19Drop it!
01:15:20Like it's hot.
01:15:22Roll it!
01:15:28Provost Elias, I so look forward to bringing my personal stock
01:15:31into Virgin Mary.
01:15:32As well as inserting my rigid ethics into the lives of your most...
01:15:37That's it, right?
01:15:37Yeah.
01:15:38Well, that's it.
01:15:39Now, ah, time for questions and photography.
01:15:42What is...
01:15:43I'm sorry.
01:15:43Hello.
01:15:45No, no, this is...
01:15:46That is not me.
01:15:47That is...
01:15:48It's Photoshop, people.
01:15:50Hello, Mommy.
01:15:51Thanks for coming.
01:15:52Can we turn this off, please?
01:15:54Oh...
01:15:55Please, somebody, tell me!
01:15:57Which one does it?
01:15:58Where am I coming?
01:15:59Turn it off!
01:16:00You can't move!
01:16:02Wait, no!
01:16:02Wait, no, please!
01:16:03No, no, no, no!
01:16:04Please!
01:16:06It's not...
01:16:06Oh!
01:16:08Say, you're awful.
01:16:09I don't understand that we thought you were.
01:16:11There's no place for you at Virgin Mary College after all.
01:16:14Sorry, sorry.
01:16:14Wait a minute.
01:16:15You can't.
01:16:17Tiger Rosenbush?
01:16:19I...
01:16:21Hey, get a good copy of that.
01:16:22Great job.
01:16:24Oh!
01:16:26Oh, oh.
01:16:27Oh!
01:16:29House!
01:16:33Today, we re-enter an elite Brotherhood.
01:16:38and Sisterhood.
01:16:39Are we ready to uphold the traditions of this fraternity?
01:16:43I mean...
01:16:45Fraterna Sorority.
01:16:48If you are, let me hear you say, yeah!
01:16:51Yeah!
01:16:52And do we pledge, no matter what, to never let her hallowed halls fall silent, to never
01:16:59let the kegs go dry, and to never, ever, let the party die?
01:17:07If you're with me, let me hear you say, fuck yeah!
01:17:17Welcome back to the 24-hour party machine!
01:17:32We're not back in five minutes, I'm putting my clothes back on.
01:17:38I have to say, when I told you guys to find some dirt, I wasn't expecting this.
01:17:45Well sir, it was a full team effort.
01:17:47Without everybody involved, never would have happened.
01:17:54I have some fond memories of this place.
01:17:57Throwing back brews, bang and tang.
01:18:01Hell, I was the alpha male.
01:18:03Three years running.
01:18:05Sometimes wish I could come back.
01:18:08Sir, you're always welcome back.
01:18:10Once an alpha, always an alpha.
01:18:13I may just take you up on that.
01:18:16Marty, get over here.
01:18:18Tracy is showing us what she learned in Mexico while standing, dude.
01:18:22Come on!
01:18:22Excuse us!
01:18:23Okay!
01:18:27Have a great party.
01:18:28Thank you, sir.
01:18:32You know, I was thinking...
01:18:34Were you?
01:18:35Yeah, I was thinking we could, uh, you know, again.
01:18:41Unless, you know, you're still mad at me.
01:18:43Let's go.
01:18:43Okay.
01:18:44Woo!
01:18:44Excuse me, girl!
01:18:54Don't slam the door in my face.
01:18:55Why shouldn't I?
01:18:56Uh, because I...
01:18:58I brought you these.
01:19:03You wanna come in?
01:19:06Sure.
01:19:13So, what do you want?
01:19:16Uh...
01:19:16I just...
01:19:18I know you don't like me very much, but since we're officially now roommates...
01:19:22Housemates.
01:19:22Right.
01:19:24Uh, I figured that we should start fresh.
01:19:28K2, look, I know I can be a bit of an asshole, but...
01:19:31Cameron!
01:19:32I think that if you got to know me a little more that we might be able to...
01:19:35Yeah?
01:19:36Turn around.
01:19:44Bangorang.
01:19:46You're an asshole.
01:19:47President asshole.
01:19:49But I don't hate you.
01:19:51Oh, apparently not.
01:19:54Sadie Salter.
01:19:56Uh, what?
01:19:57My porn name.
01:19:59And that's what I want you to call me for the rest of the night.
01:20:03Sadie Salter.
01:20:05Anything you say, Miss Salter.
01:20:15Bangorang.
01:20:23Hey, little squirrel.
01:20:27You want a nut, little guy?
01:20:34Dude!
01:20:36Not cool.
01:20:37You scared him.
01:20:39You want a nut?
01:20:40Hmm?
01:20:41You want a nut?
01:20:42You patchouli-drenched Birkenstock piece of poop!
01:20:45I'll get you a nut.
01:20:47Oh, hey!
01:20:48Here's a nut.
01:20:48It is.
01:20:49Have a nut!
01:20:50Whoa, whoa!
01:20:51Would you like another nut?
01:20:52Here's a nut.
01:20:53Here's another nut.
01:20:54Here!
01:20:55What the fuck?
01:20:56What's wrong?
01:20:57Don't you like my nuts?
01:20:58Here!
01:20:59You can't handle my nuts!
01:21:01Take my nuts!
01:21:02Take my nuts!
01:21:04Where's the fuckin' squirrel?
01:21:07Ahhhh!
01:21:08God!
01:21:08Get over here!
01:21:10God damn you!
01:21:12You're a fucker!
01:21:13Come here!
01:21:14I see you!
01:21:16Can I?
01:21:18I want that!
01:21:19I want you!
01:21:21I want you!
01:21:21What?
01:21:21Just enough to get through
01:21:27But that's not fair
01:21:29I guess it's cause we're from 1989
01:21:40We can go on and on and on
01:21:44Just pretend it's not true
01:21:47You know
01:21:50And if we fall, we fall
01:21:53Will I get to see what we do?
01:21:58You know
01:21:59I got no hope, no, no
01:22:01I don't think she'll dance with me
01:22:10That's okay
01:22:11Cause I had red lipstick
01:22:16It's just ugly
01:22:22I've been so trying for you
01:22:29It's okay
01:22:30We're never wanting it all
01:22:33Just enough to get through
01:22:38But that's not fair
01:22:40I guess it's cause we're from 1989
01:22:47You know
01:22:51Tick it up
01:22:55I think it's not fair
01:22:59You know
01:23:08Like a country
01:23:09You know
01:23:09I mean
01:23:10You know
01:23:10I've been so sorry
01:23:11I mean
01:23:12You know
01:23:13You know
01:23:13You know
01:23:16I mean
01:23:17That's not fair
01:23:17We can go on and on and on, just pretend it's not true.
01:23:25Oh no, I'll take it back, you're the only one who can do what you do.
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