- 11 hours ago
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:04So I'm flying the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:08Alright, it's about that time.
00:00:10So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:19Yeah, him.
00:00:21Hi!
00:00:22Just play along.
00:00:24Six, five, four, three, two, one!
00:00:30Hey!
00:00:52You have a cute scar.
00:00:55It's just my birthmark.
00:00:57If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:02I don't want you to stop.
00:01:05Mm-hmm.
00:01:07Mm-hmm.
00:01:11Mm-hmm.
00:01:14Mm-hmm.
00:01:34I was so drunk last night.
00:01:37I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:42I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:50Happy New Year.
00:01:51Sam, it's me.
00:01:52Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:55I don't care how.
00:01:56Just do it.
00:01:58I will find you.
00:02:04Maximus, can you get married already?
00:02:07Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:10I need grandkids.
00:02:12I need you to...
00:02:12Message received, Mom.
00:02:14I need to go now.
00:02:15I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:25Seven years.
00:02:27Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:29And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:38Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:40Boss, it's been years.
00:02:45I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:47Your vest, sir.
00:02:49But first, we found her fake Christmas wife.
00:02:51She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:53Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:55And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:02:57We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:03:01Good.
00:03:02Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:06Hi.
00:03:07One iced vanilla latte, please.
00:03:09And one hot chocolate.
00:03:12I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:15Now, Auntie Deborah and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:21Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:23It's just for Christmas.
00:03:24But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:27Where's my real one?
00:03:36I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:37Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:47Daddy!
00:03:48No!
00:03:49What?
00:03:55Daddy!
00:03:56No!
00:03:57I'm sorry.
00:03:59I'm not your dad.
00:04:01No, I know you're my daddy.
00:04:02Just as handsome as I've had.
00:04:04Oh.
00:04:05Mommy, hurry!
00:04:06Your fake Christmas husband has arrived.
00:04:16I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:19He's gorgeous.
00:04:26Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:29She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:31Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:32You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:35So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:37See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:40Hi, my name's Hyper.
00:04:42What's your name?
00:04:43Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:46Max, Aurelius.
00:04:47Eva.
00:04:48I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:53I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:55I guess Mom gets her grandkid, too.
00:04:59So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:05:05$1,000 an hour?
00:05:06Well, yeah.
00:05:08It's $500 a day.
00:05:10Is that enough?
00:05:12That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:13Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:15That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:17You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:19Look, my requirements are simple.
00:05:21Okay, play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown, and we all pretend to be one
00:05:25big happy family.
00:05:26And then my family will get off my back, so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:33So she's getting pressure from her folks, too.
00:05:36Fine.
00:05:37But you have to help me get my mom off my case, too.
00:05:42Okay.
00:05:43Deal.
00:05:46Ready to go get married?
00:05:47Ready to go get married?
00:06:00Wow.
00:06:02Clean up nice.
00:06:03It's my wedding day, after all.
00:06:05Pictures.
00:06:14Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:36I think we got it.
00:06:41Oh, I need some photos of us together, too, to prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:06:48and have a happy family.
00:06:49Yeah.
00:06:50Of course.
00:07:00Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:02From my family to you.
00:07:12Bad news, boss.
00:07:13The agency said that the girl that they recruited to be your fake wife, failed last minute.
00:07:18Wait, she bailed?
00:07:19Then who is...
00:07:23Who is she?
00:07:25Whatever.
00:07:26It doesn't matter.
00:07:28I've got what I need.
00:07:31Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:33I already found someone.
00:07:39Okay, well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:42Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:44Christmas shopping?
00:07:46I should come.
00:07:47Look, if you want me to be the husband in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:51I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:54It'll make it more believable.
00:07:58Fine.
00:07:59Yeah, fine.
00:08:00Okay.
00:08:00You can come.
00:08:08Let's go.
00:08:09Which mall are we going to?
00:08:11Um, let's go to that one.
00:08:13Oh, let's go to the bank.
00:08:18Oh!
00:08:19What the actual fuck?
00:08:25Sam, is Maximus pulling another one of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:30Sam, get me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:37She does kind of look like him.
00:08:42So when we give these gifts to my parents, we will say they're from you.
00:08:47Here, let me get this.
00:08:49I'm going to love you, Max.
00:08:52Oh, so I was, uh, thinking that since we're married, we should probably kiss once or twice.
00:09:02In front of them.
00:09:03Okay.
00:09:05Should we use our tongues or?
00:09:07No, no, definitely not.
00:09:09And absolutely no...
00:09:10Sex?
00:09:11Yes.
00:09:12This is strictly business.
00:09:15Anything physical outside of that is not happening.
00:09:18What?
00:09:19Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:23I just don't want Piper to have messy complications getting in the way of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:29Let's go.
00:09:36Here.
00:09:37What are you doing?
00:09:38I'd never let my woman pick up the tab.
00:09:41Well, I'm not your woman, and this isn't a real relationship, and I don't want your money.
00:09:48Attention shoppers, all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:5150% off pies?
00:09:52Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:54Twelve pumpkin pies, did I hear this right?
00:09:56They're the best kind.
00:09:58Hurry up and go.
00:09:59Go.
00:09:59What are you standing here for?
00:10:02Hello there.
00:10:03Hi.
00:10:04You ready?
00:10:04Yes, yeah, just these things.
00:10:05Okay, great.
00:10:07We have a holiday special today.
00:10:09Spend $500, get 10% off, and you are just short $15 if you want to take advantage of the
00:10:14deal.
00:10:14Oh, great.
00:10:15Yeah, what do you have that's just $15?
00:10:18Well, can you get a move on?
00:10:20I just got here.
00:10:22Relax.
00:10:23Yeah, yeah.
00:10:26Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:28Okay, thank you.
00:10:31Hurry up and pay.
00:10:35I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:37You can wait your turn.
00:10:43Damn, my fake wife has some fire in her.
00:10:51Oh, wait, wait, wait, not the pies, not the pies.
00:10:53You can just set those on top.
00:10:59Hi, guys.
00:11:01I'm going to hand you all these pies.
00:11:07Of course.
00:11:08Thank you so much.
00:11:10Of course.
00:11:10I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:13She bought all 12 pies.
00:11:14Don't worry, I have enough for everybody.
00:11:16Just to give it away.
00:11:19Merry Christmas.
00:11:20Bye.
00:11:20Merry Christmas.
00:11:25What?
00:11:26You do that often?
00:11:28As often as I can.
00:11:34We should go.
00:11:35We got to pick up paper.
00:11:39Watch out.
00:11:59You done feeling me up?
00:12:02Shut up.
00:12:02Sorry, I was just in character, wifey.
00:12:05Well, stay out of character until Christmas.
00:12:12And don't be late.
00:12:25Harrison Group?
00:12:26Do you do construction for them or something?
00:12:29Sort of.
00:12:30Not that I'm judging.
00:12:31I just need to get my story straight or my mom will eat both of us alive.
00:12:37Why don't we say that you do mid-level management for Harrison Group?
00:12:40I think that's respectable.
00:12:42Can we pick another company?
00:12:44No.
00:12:45Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:47And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:48My cousin's husband works for them, too.
00:12:50So, it's perfect.
00:12:55Oh, and, uh, wear something nice for Christmas dinner.
00:12:59Don't worry.
00:13:00Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:13:02I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:05Too much.
00:13:26Let's go, Sam.
00:13:28It's time to check out the new HQ site.
00:13:30Well, Don, you're covered in water and you have a hair on your shoulder and it's not yours.
00:13:35It's my daughter's.
00:13:37Daughters?
00:13:39Give me a DNA test for that little girl that he's with.
00:13:56Hey, there they are!
00:13:58Hey!
00:13:59Nice to meet you!
00:14:00Aw.
00:14:01Dad.
00:14:02Aren't you native?
00:14:03Aw.
00:14:04Missed you.
00:14:05So, where's this mysterious husband we heard all about?
00:14:09He's coming.
00:14:10Please don't tell me Maximus bailed.
00:14:13Good, good, good.
00:14:15So, heard you got a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:18When's he arriving?
00:14:20Oh, it's probably just some story she cooked up to stop people talking.
00:14:25Poor thing.
00:14:25Not surprising.
00:14:27I mean, she's 30.
00:14:28Once a woman hits that age, you become undateable.
00:14:31Oh, plus a kid looks so bad on dating apps.
00:14:37This is exactly why I refuse to come home single this Christmas.
00:14:41Auntie Pamela, Debbie, my dating life, quite frankly, is none of your concern.
00:14:46We're only worried about you.
00:14:48All these years without a husband.
00:14:51Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:53You know, you always spoiled her rotten.
00:14:56And look what happened.
00:14:57She got knocked up out of wedlock, raising a kid all alone.
00:15:01I'm not alone.
00:15:02Mm-hmm.
00:15:03And what does this mysterious husband do?
00:15:09He's a manager.
00:15:11Manager?
00:15:11Of what?
00:15:13Trash?
00:15:15Probably a cover for criminal activity.
00:15:19You don't have to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:24Actually, he's right here.
00:15:27Oh, wow.
00:15:30Wow.
00:15:31He is really good looking.
00:15:34Ah, must be AI.
00:15:36Mm-hmm.
00:15:37Congratulations, Eva, on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:40Fake.
00:15:40That's enough.
00:15:41She's our daughter and your niece.
00:15:44Show some respect.
00:15:45Remember last year when I introduced you to my husband's nephew, William, and you turned
00:15:51him down?
00:15:52Well, guess what?
00:15:53William works for the Harrison Group now.
00:15:56Makes 500 grand a year.
00:15:59That's half a million.
00:16:01Half a million.
00:16:03Girls are lining up for him all the way to New York.
00:16:06And speak of the devil.
00:16:11Willie, you made it.
00:16:23There you are.
00:16:25Oh, look at you now.
00:16:28Living the dream.
00:16:29Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:31Well, you could be driving around in a car like that had you not married that criminal
00:16:35waste manager.
00:16:37So married, huh?
00:16:39Is it serious?
00:16:41That's what marriage is.
00:16:43It's pretty serious.
00:16:45Wow.
00:16:45You must have rushed to tie the knot, huh?
00:16:48Makes sense, though.
00:16:49You not being a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:52Dragging that kid around with no daddy.
00:16:55A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:16:58Meanwhile, you're climbing the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:01That's right.
00:17:03Just bought this brand new suit with my Christmas bonus.
00:17:06Women love a man in red.
00:17:09Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:12When I sit on my lap.
00:17:14Don't touch me.
00:17:15Oh, so entitled.
00:17:18Williams, a successful man of taste, not waste.
00:17:21And yet, for some reason, he's willing to overlook your baggage.
00:17:25I mean, look at that car.
00:17:28Could your husband afford anything even close to that?
00:17:31Think of the life I can give you and Piper with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:34Ditch your nobody husband and marry me instead.
00:17:39I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:46My mom would never marry.
00:17:48She already has a husband.
00:17:49He's going to kick your butt.
00:17:54Is that so?
00:17:56Well, then, where is he?
00:17:58Because I don't see him.
00:18:00Does anyone see him?
00:18:04No.
00:18:05Just like I thought.
00:18:07Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:18:09That puts you on the naughty list.
00:18:12And let me show you what happens to naughty children.
00:18:17Hey.
00:18:18Mommy.
00:18:19Hey, are you okay?
00:18:21I see your hands.
00:18:22Oh, my God.
00:18:23I'm going to take her in and get her packed up, okay?
00:18:25Come on, then.
00:18:26Let's go.
00:18:28What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:31How dare you put your filthy hands on my daughter?
00:18:35Let me go.
00:18:36Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:41Let me go!
00:18:43Let me go!
00:18:44Let me go!
00:18:56Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
00:19:03Max, you came.
00:19:05Don't worry, sweetie.
00:19:09Where's Piper?
00:19:10William Hitter.
00:19:12Mom, I'm dead.
00:19:13I'll take her inside.
00:19:14Well, it looks like we have a real Grinch to dispose of.
00:19:17Well, well, well.
00:19:18If it isn't the Waste Manager I've been hearing so much about.
00:19:22That's right.
00:19:24Now, I'm about to take out the trash.
00:19:28Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
00:19:30It's an honor to meet you.
00:19:32I'm Max.
00:19:33Eva told us all about you.
00:19:35From New York.
00:19:36Polite.
00:19:36Handsome.
00:19:37Just like she said.
00:19:39Wow.
00:19:41He was an AI.
00:19:42See?
00:19:43He's real.
00:19:44And he's more of a man here than William would ever dream to be.
00:19:48Son of a bitch!
00:19:49You just ruined my suit!
00:19:50And watch the way that you drive that pristine automobile.
00:19:55That car?
00:19:56Oh, my God.
00:19:57That's worth more than a house.
00:20:00That car?
00:20:01It was all over the news when the CEO of the Harrison Group bought it.
00:20:05Wait.
00:20:07Are you?
00:20:12Like I said, I'm just Eva's husband.
00:20:15And that's all he needs to know.
00:20:17I'm not here to put on a show for anyone.
00:20:19You really are a criminal, aren't you?
00:20:21You stole it!
00:20:22That car belongs to the CEO of my company.
00:20:25Jesus!
00:20:26How did he get away with it?
00:20:27That's what I want to know.
00:20:29Enough!
00:20:30Please!
00:20:32I trust my daughter.
00:20:34She would never marry a criminal.
00:20:37Max, be honest with me.
00:20:40Where did that car come from?
00:20:42How much did you want for it?
00:20:44I'll pay you more money than you'd make in three lifetimes.
00:20:48So?
00:20:49You need a breath, man.
00:20:53All right, that's it!
00:20:54I'm calling the cops!
00:20:55Oh, way ahead of you.
00:20:57Wait.
00:20:57What?
00:20:59Are you feeling nervous, Eva?
00:21:02Oh, well.
00:21:03Too late.
00:21:10Listen, hon.
00:21:11I believe you.
00:21:12But how could Max afford a car like that?
00:21:17Mr. Smith, don't worry.
00:21:18It's my car.
00:21:19Okay?
00:21:19It's not stolen.
00:21:20Yeah?
00:21:21If it's yours, then prove it.
00:21:24Cops will be here in 15 minutes.
00:21:27Enjoy Christmas behind bars.
00:21:28Okay, I'll prove that it's mine.
00:21:31But then you have to get lost.
00:21:32And never show your face around my wife or child again.
00:21:35Oh, so you're a tough guy, huh?
00:21:38Well, I hope they serve eggnog in prison.
00:21:40Loser!
00:21:41Say one more word, and I'll give him a real reason to take me in.
00:21:46Jesus, maybe he is a crime boss.
00:21:49It's kind of sexy, though.
00:21:52Here.
00:21:54Title and proof of ownership.
00:22:03Mr. Harrison?
00:22:07Mr. Harrison?
00:22:10Mr. Harrison?
00:22:12Just play alone.
00:22:15Merry Christmas, Willie.
00:22:16Now get the fuck out of here
00:22:18before I kick your ass all the way up to the North Pole.
00:22:20Yes, sir!
00:22:21I'm so sorry, sir.
00:22:24Please, accept my serious apologies.
00:22:35Oh, that William, what a jerk, huh?
00:22:40He fooled me.
00:22:41What can I say?
00:22:42Let's not let this little misunderstanding ruin the holidays.
00:22:46Oh, now you don't want to ruin Christmas?
00:22:48Oh, come on, Eva.
00:22:49We were just looking out for you.
00:22:52Please forgive us, Mr. Harrison.
00:22:54You know my youngest son is graduating.
00:22:56Soon.
00:22:56Do you think that you could help him get his foot in the door?
00:23:00A job at the Harrison Group, even in the mailroom, would open doors.
00:23:05We are family, aren't we?
00:23:07Family takes care of each other.
00:23:10If you guys want a job at the Harrison Group, you can put in an application like everyone else.
00:23:14Abigail, come on, talk to her for us.
00:23:18Didn't you just say that my daughter was undateable?
00:23:21Yeah.
00:23:22I think you need to take care of your own issues first.
00:23:24My daughter is just far too busy.
00:23:27You're your best life.
00:23:28My new son-in-law.
00:23:30Come on, guys.
00:23:31Let's go in.
00:23:32Welcome to the family.
00:23:36Welcome.
00:23:37Come on in.
00:23:38Come on in.
00:23:41This is your fault, Pam.
00:23:43You can't tell the difference between AI and reality.
00:23:47My fault.
00:23:48You were the one who was pushing her onto that worm, William.
00:24:01Hey, how do you have that car?
00:24:03And how do you know the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:24:05And how do you...
00:24:06I told you.
00:24:06I work for Harrison Group, remember?
00:24:09I have a friend in high places.
00:24:11A friend who just hands you keys to million-dollar, one-of-a-kind luxury cars?
00:24:15Yes.
00:24:17It's the season of giving.
00:24:18He knows people.
00:24:20Has connections.
00:24:21He's a big deal kind of guy.
00:24:23You're a crime boss, aren't you?
00:24:25And you best not forget it.
00:24:27Capisce?
00:24:27Oh, my God.
00:24:28Just don't blow your cover.
00:24:31Dad!
00:24:32Mom!
00:24:33Thank you so much for letting Max and I stay in your home.
00:24:36Oh, honey.
00:24:37We're just so happy that you found such a handsome, strong, good-looking.
00:24:43I think they get it, hon.
00:24:47How's Piper?
00:24:48Oh, she's fine.
00:24:49One of you guys just get settled in, and we will go check on her.
00:24:53And after your mom takes a cold shower, we'll come back and finish decorating the tree.
00:24:58Great.
00:24:59See you in a bit.
00:25:00Joey?
00:25:01What are you doing?
00:25:04Okay.
00:25:06Hey, was that not a, uh, breach of contract?
00:25:11Relax.
00:25:12It was just a hug.
00:25:14Ugh.
00:25:16We just got here, and I'm already exhausted.
00:25:19You'll be okay.
00:25:20It's just one week.
00:25:21Kill me now.
00:25:22Well, they would, but I need to get paid.
00:25:29What are you doing?
00:25:32It was weird.
00:25:33They were so lovey-dovey just a second ago, and...
00:25:36I don't know.
00:25:36Something just falls off.
00:25:38That's ridiculous.
00:25:40I mean, what do you want them to do?
00:25:42Make out progress to prove it?
00:25:43I don't want this.
00:25:45Mmm.
00:25:46Later.
00:25:49Let's go.
00:25:53Here we go.
00:25:56Piper is all tucked in, honey.
00:25:58Everything looks amazing, and happy holidays.
00:26:01To the newest member of our family, Max.
00:26:04Aw.
00:26:05Welcome.
00:26:06Cheers.
00:26:07Thank you, Miss Smith.
00:26:08Looks great.
00:26:09Aw, just call me mom, honey.
00:26:11I had no idea what you liked, so I just whipped up a little bit of everything.
00:26:16But we all know what Eva's favorite Christmas dish is, right?
00:26:20Mmm.
00:26:21Oh, no.
00:26:21Mom's testing him.
00:26:22She's trying to see if he's legit.
00:26:24You mean to tell me you two are married, and you don't even know my baby girl's favorite food?
00:26:31Ow.
00:26:32Eva, sweetie.
00:26:34Kicking my foot.
00:26:35Oh, sorry, mom.
00:26:37Oh, jeez.
00:26:39It's okay.
00:26:40I, look, mom, of course he knows it.
00:26:42I would like to hear Max say it.
00:26:50Um.
00:26:57Twelve pumpkin pies.
00:26:58Did I hear this right?
00:26:59They're the best kind.
00:27:02Well, of course.
00:27:03It's, it's, it's pumpkin pie.
00:27:05See?
00:27:06Are you happy now?
00:27:07That's good, but something still falls off.
00:27:10Mom, don't make it weird, okay?
00:27:13We had a whirlwind romance, and we eloped before we got to know everything about each other.
00:27:19But our marriage is real.
00:27:21I guess your mom's just watching too many of those real short shows.
00:27:25Ah, now those are quality.
00:27:29Okay, well, then answer this.
00:27:32Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:35Where's your wedding ring, Eva?
00:27:39I knew it was a good idea to pick this up.
00:27:42Well, um, it's...
00:27:44Silly face, dropped it outside on the sidewalk.
00:27:48Luckily, I was there to pick it up for her.
00:27:50Silly face, I am not paying extra for this.
00:27:55Consider it a Christmas gift.
00:27:57Those are blousers.
00:27:59That's nice.
00:28:01You can afford this on a waste manager's salary?
00:28:03Well, believe it or not, Miss Smith, there is a lot of garbage out there.
00:28:07And I'm not just talking about William.
00:28:09I'll drink to that.
00:28:11I agree with you there.
00:28:13So, come on, guys, let's eat.
00:28:15Come on.
00:28:16Come on.
00:28:18Come on.
00:28:27And this is where y'all will be staying.
00:28:30I have another room set up for Piper.
00:28:33Nice and festive for you.
00:28:36No complications, right?
00:28:37Sorry, honey.
00:28:39Uh, mom, you know what?
00:28:40I should stay with Piper tonight.
00:28:42Oh, honey, newlyweds shouldn't sleep apart.
00:28:46Oh, I just remembered.
00:28:48The city's turning the water off at 10.
00:28:50Something about water conservation.
00:28:52That means you have 15 minutes to shower.
00:28:5415 minutes?
00:28:56Honey, it's no big deal.
00:28:58Just shower together.
00:29:00Shower together?
00:29:04Just shower together.
00:29:05Okay, you guys, have a good night, okay?
00:29:11You heard her.
00:29:34Why are you stripping?
00:29:37Well, I can't take a shower with my clothes on.
00:29:40Come on, we're wasting time.
00:29:41You have 15 minutes.
00:29:42Nice try.
00:29:43I am not showering with you.
00:29:45All right, sleep yourself.
00:29:46More room for me in there.
00:29:48Not if I meet you there first.
00:30:06Come on, Max.
00:30:08Get out of the way.
00:30:09We agreed, nothing physical.
00:30:11You're the one with the dirty thoughts, wifey.
00:30:13Relax.
00:30:14I won't touch you, unless you say you want me to.
00:30:20But that'll cost extra.
00:30:30In your dreams.
00:30:33Free to join me.
00:30:53You know, if you keep staring at my ass, you're not going to have me shower while you're left.
00:30:57You wish.
00:30:58Why aren't you getting in?
00:31:00Pray you'll fall for me.
00:31:02It's you who has to worry about resisting me.
00:31:05Oh, yeah?
00:31:06True.
00:31:19Holy shit.
00:31:23Um, this is, I'm, this is going to be harder than I thought.
00:31:28I'll say.
00:31:28What happened to all that cool guy confidence?
00:31:32Still think you can lose this?
00:31:35Maybe.
00:31:36I don't think I want you.
00:31:43Max, I shut it up.
00:31:47Or maybe we should.
00:31:49God, he's such a good kisser.
00:31:51Why does this feel so familiar?
00:32:00Mom, we're so sexy.
00:32:10Max, we cannot do this.
00:32:13What?
00:32:14I didn't mean to cross anything.
00:32:16It's not you, Max.
00:32:17It's us.
00:32:17It's this.
00:32:18This is all an act.
00:32:19Let's not make it more complicated than it is.
00:32:22You're right.
00:32:24I'm sorry.
00:32:26I just don't mean to be sorry.
00:32:29Just...
00:32:36That birthmark.
00:32:42What is that?
00:32:44It's him.
00:32:45The man from New Year's.
00:32:47Is he Piper's father?
00:32:51Why are you acting?
00:32:55Oh my God.
00:32:56Max is Piper's father.
00:32:59Are you okay?
00:33:00Yeah.
00:33:01I just...
00:33:02I just got lightheaded.
00:33:05I think I just need a few more minutes.
00:33:07Alone.
00:33:09Of course.
00:33:13We have a daughter together.
00:33:15Oh my God.
00:33:16What do I do?
00:33:23I'm gonna sleep on the floor.
00:33:25You can take the bed.
00:33:27Thanks.
00:33:29Hey.
00:33:31Are you sure you're okay?
00:33:33Look, fake marriage aside,
00:33:35I'm your husband for the next few days.
00:33:37So if there's something you need,
00:33:38I can help.
00:33:40I want to help.
00:33:42He's Piper's father.
00:33:43He has a right to know.
00:33:45Um, Max.
00:33:48How would you feel
00:33:50if you found out you had a kid?
00:33:55A child?
00:33:56No, no, no.
00:33:57That's impossible.
00:33:59I'm very careful.
00:34:02Mostly.
00:34:04I just mean I'm not the type of guy to sleep around.
00:34:07Family to me is a big commitment.
00:34:09And I don't want any loose ends.
00:34:12You know?
00:34:13Right.
00:34:14He wouldn't want a kid tying him down.
00:34:17I shouldn't tell him about Piper.
00:34:19Why do you ask?
00:34:21No reason.
00:34:22Just curious.
00:34:24No, I feel like you're going somewhere with this.
00:34:28What?
00:34:29No.
00:34:30Well, then can I ask you a question?
00:34:34Shoot.
00:34:39Where did you get these?
00:34:41And how did you know my exact size?
00:34:43I did not get those.
00:34:46I don't know where those came from.
00:34:47Are you sure you're just not trying to break the contract?
00:34:52Give me that place.
00:34:54Give me the...
00:34:55Give me the...
00:34:56Give me those...
00:34:56Woo!
00:35:06Oh, Elon.
00:35:08The truth is...
00:35:10Is that I...
00:35:13Go, go, go, go, go.
00:35:15Just a second.
00:35:17Come in.
00:35:18Hey, hon.
00:35:19Oh!
00:35:21Sorry for interrupting, but Piper is asking for a bedtime story before I tuck her in.
00:35:26Think you could take this one, Dad?
00:35:28We're kind of in the middle of something.
00:35:30I can see that.
00:35:32Well, why don't I read it to her?
00:35:34I mean, if you don't...
00:35:35If you don't mind.
00:35:36Well, atta boy.
00:35:38You know what?
00:35:38Just put a shirt on.
00:35:39I'm going to go get her.
00:35:41Piper!
00:35:42Here comes Grandpa!
00:35:46He sprang to his sleigh.
00:35:47To his team gave a whistle.
00:35:49And away they all flew.
00:35:51Like the down of a thistle.
00:35:53But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight.
00:35:57Merry Christmas to all.
00:35:59And to all...
00:36:00A good night.
00:36:04If Piper knew he was her real dad, she'd be over the moon.
00:36:08Good night, Piper.
00:36:13Is her dad still around?
00:36:15Yeah, but he doesn't know it.
00:36:17Because you're her dad.
00:36:19Uh, no.
00:36:21That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:36:29Do you really think so?
00:36:31From the bottom of my heart.
00:36:33Maybe I should tell him.
00:36:35He deserves to know.
00:36:42Max.
00:36:47You're Piper's father.
00:36:55I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:18I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:21Where's Piper?
00:37:23She must have snuck off while we were asleep.
00:37:41God, he's such a good kisser.
00:37:51Just gonna kiss and run?
00:37:54Not on my watch.
00:37:58Yeah.
00:38:00This.
00:38:01I remember this.
00:38:12Good morning, you two lovebugs.
00:38:14How was your stay at Chateau Smith?
00:38:18Good morning, Miss Smith.
00:38:19It was, uh, it was great.
00:38:21Wonderful.
00:38:22Well, it's about to get even better.
00:38:26Oh, no.
00:38:27What is that?
00:38:28Sardines and Saltines.
00:38:29It's a Smith family classic.
00:38:31It was my gram-grams favorite during wartime.
00:38:34Don't be shy.
00:38:35Go ahead and grab a handful.
00:38:38Max, you don't have to.
00:38:39No, no.
00:38:40It's okay.
00:38:41It's a Smith family staple.
00:38:53Yeah.
00:39:02Good?
00:39:03Mmm.
00:39:04Good?
00:39:06Scrunches.
00:39:07Well, you two better get dressed.
00:39:09You gotta go see Aunt Miranda.
00:39:12Could I, um, could I have some water, please?
00:39:15That means there's no escaping Aunt Miranda in her brood this year.
00:39:19What's the deal with them?
00:39:21Every year, Aunt Miranda bullies Piper and I.
00:39:23Says Piper's a fatherless brat and I'm...
00:39:28Hey, don't worry.
00:39:29I'll protect you and Piper.
00:39:33Better have Sam on standby tonight, just in case.
00:39:38Well, looks like it's time to get dressed up then.
00:39:51Wait, that earring.
00:39:53Wait.
00:39:54That earring.
00:39:56You like it?
00:39:57I was so bummed when I lost the matching one years ago.
00:40:00Did you lose it seven years ago?
00:40:03I don't really remember the details, but luckily I was able to find a new pair.
00:40:09Right.
00:40:10And it's just a common earring.
00:40:12Anyone can have it.
00:40:13Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
00:40:14She can't be the woman from seven years ago.
00:40:19So Ava and Piper still aren't here.
00:40:23But Derek said that Ava got married.
00:40:26What kind of man could she possibly have landed?
00:40:30An aging single mom.
00:40:32Slim pickings.
00:40:34I heard he's in waste management.
00:40:36That explains it.
00:40:38She's probably too embarrassed to show up.
00:40:41Oh, please, Miranda.
00:40:42Look.
00:40:43Ava is your niece.
00:40:44Oh, come on, Grandpa.
00:40:46Everyone knows Ava had a kid with a random one-night stand.
00:40:49Her track record speaks for itself.
00:40:51Exactly.
00:40:52Not like my Sierra, married to a legal advisor for Harrison Group.
00:40:59Oh, they're here.
00:41:01Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:07Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:09Merry Christmas.
00:41:11You must be Grandpa Harold.
00:41:13I am.
00:41:14I'm Ava's husband, Max.
00:41:16Pleasure to meet you.
00:41:17Welcome.
00:41:17You're Ava's husband.
00:41:20But you're gorgeous.
00:41:24But what is handsome as you?
00:41:26Look at you two.
00:41:27You look like you just stepped out of a movie.
00:41:29Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:41:31Merry Christmas.
00:41:32This is from Max and I.
00:41:34Oh, my goodness.
00:41:35Thank you, Ava.
00:41:36Let me grab that for you, Daddy.
00:41:39Oops.
00:41:39Oh, my bad.
00:41:41Oh, a homemade gift.
00:41:43How thrifty.
00:41:45Not all gifts are about the price tag.
00:41:47Mommy's right.
00:41:48You mean, I'll hack.
00:41:50You little.
00:41:52You will not lay a hand on my daughter, or you will lose yours.
00:41:57Oh, I think you broke my wrist.
00:42:00Look what you just did to my mother.
00:42:02My husband is Harrison Group's top legal advisor.
00:42:05He could ruin your life.
00:42:19Honey, are you okay?
00:42:21I'm fine.
00:42:22I'm just wet, honey.
00:42:23Yeah.
00:42:23It's okay.
00:42:24It's okay.
00:42:25It's okay.
00:42:27What are you?
00:42:29Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:42:32Did you just slap me?
00:42:34Next time, it'll be a closed fist.
00:42:36You're a fucking psycho.
00:42:37You know what, Sierra?
00:42:38I can take your little insults, but leave my family out of this.
00:42:43Her family.
00:42:45She means me.
00:42:50You okay, honey?
00:42:52Do I look okay to you, dumbass?
00:42:54Do something.
00:42:55You don't know who you're messing with.
00:42:57I've got the full weight of the Harrison Group behind me.
00:43:00Oh, wow.
00:43:01I'm sure the CEO would love to hear that you're using his company's name to bully people.
00:43:06Like you'd have any idea how a CEO thinks.
00:43:09Let's call him.
00:43:10I'm sure he'd be more than happy to be on my side.
00:43:13Please.
00:43:14Who do you think you are?
00:43:16Enough!
00:43:19There will be no arguing during Christmas.
00:43:22Fine, Dad.
00:43:23Let it go, Nathan.
00:43:25They're just jealous.
00:43:28For Grandpa's sake, I'll let you off easy.
00:43:31I think you owe Nathan a thank you.
00:43:34I think you owe me a thank you for slapping some sense into you.
00:43:38Do you want me to get the other cheek?
00:43:39All right, that's enough.
00:43:41Everyone come inside and sit down.
00:44:03Is this a joke?
00:44:06Can you please pass me some food?
00:44:08Hold it.
00:44:08Who said you could eat anything else?
00:44:11My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:16My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:20King crab, fresh from Alaska, and grass-fed wagyu.
00:44:25Three times the price, 50 times the flavor.
00:44:28And you don't get a single bite.
00:44:31It's just petty.
00:44:32Maybe so.
00:44:33But gourmet food isn't meant for bottom feeders.
00:44:37Fine.
00:44:38Then we won't stay and eat with you.
00:44:41Come on, let's go.
00:44:42No, no.
00:44:43Don't you dare leave our family dinner.
00:44:46Grandpa, I'm sorry, but they're treating us like...
00:44:49I know, dear.
00:44:50I just want to have our family together.
00:44:53Fine.
00:44:53We'll let the strays sit and eat with us.
00:44:56Better a stray than a bitch.
00:44:58What was that?
00:45:02I just want to have our family together.
00:45:05Fine.
00:45:06We'll stay.
00:45:08Can I have a little napole?
00:45:09It's okay, sweetie.
00:45:10We'll get something right after.
00:45:13Like drive-thru?
00:45:14I hope you enjoy food poisoning.
00:45:17That will be a particularly memorable Christmas present.
00:45:22No strays.
00:45:23Ow.
00:45:24Stacey, are you okay?
00:45:25Yes, please.
00:45:27You hit my child.
00:45:28You're fucking crazy!
00:45:29Well, if you'd teach her some manners, maybe I wouldn't have to.
00:45:37Don't worry, baby.
00:45:38I'll handle it.
00:45:41Don't worry, baby.
00:45:42I'll handle it.
00:45:47Piper.
00:45:48Piper.
00:45:48Sweetie.
00:45:48Are you ready to try the best food you've ever had in your life?
00:45:54Okay, sweetheart.
00:45:55Give me two minutes and one phone call.
00:45:57As if you have a chef on speed dial.
00:46:00Actually, I do.
00:46:03He's such a liar.
00:46:04This ought to be hilarious.
00:46:06Oh, it will be.
00:46:09Sam.
00:46:11Yeah, send the troops and bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:15I'm already on my way.
00:46:19Bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:22I'm already on my way.
00:46:25You hear this guy?
00:46:26He wants the best king crab in the world.
00:46:29From Antarctica.
00:46:31Now I get why you married him, Eva.
00:46:33His silly delusions are just adorable.
00:46:37Max, what are you doing?
00:46:38Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
00:46:40Santa's already on his way.
00:46:42Actually, five, four, three, two, one.
00:46:51A helicopter?
00:46:59There's no way.
00:47:05How did you pull this off?
00:47:06Sam is like family.
00:47:07I thought I'd introduce you to.
00:47:09Thanks, boss.
00:47:11Boss?
00:47:12Eva's always been genuine with me.
00:47:14Maybe it's time she knew who I really am.
00:47:17Eva, I think it's time you actually know the truth.
00:47:21I'm Maximus Harrison.
00:47:24You're the CEO of Harrison Krupp?
00:47:27Mm-hmm.
00:47:30Come on.
00:47:32You can stop kidding around.
00:47:34If you were the CEO, why would you be here pretending to be my husband?
00:47:38No, I actually am the CEO.
00:47:40Come on.
00:47:41You can stop the charade.
00:47:42Okay?
00:47:43This is just another favor from that bigwig friend, isn't it?
00:47:45Eva, I'm not pretending.
00:47:48Mr. Harrison, the Antarctic king crab as you requested.
00:48:01How is this possible?
00:48:03This loser brings Antarctic king crab and has his own personal chef?
00:48:10Who are you?
00:48:11I told you, I'm Eva's husband.
00:48:14That chef called him Mr. Harrison.
00:48:17Wait.
00:48:17No.
00:48:18Hold on.
00:48:20You're the actual CEO of the Harrison Group?
00:48:24You're worth more than some whole countries.
00:48:27Hmm.
00:48:28Some of the small ones.
00:48:29I mean, you know that.
00:48:31You work for me.
00:48:33Oh, God.
00:48:34I insulted my own boss.
00:48:36I'm finished.
00:48:41Oh, God.
00:48:42I insulted my own boss.
00:48:44I'm finished.
00:48:46Didn't think Max would commit this hard.
00:48:48Pretending to be CEO is a hell of a move.
00:48:50Worth every penny I'm paying him.
00:48:52For tonight, your feast ends.
00:48:54And with that, your career.
00:48:57You're fired.
00:48:58Fired?
00:48:59Sam.
00:49:04You're fired?
00:49:05Oh, God.
00:49:06I can't be fired.
00:49:08What?
00:49:10Mr. Harrison, please.
00:49:11You can have as much crab as you want.
00:49:13Please, Mr. Harrison.
00:49:14I'll do anything.
00:49:16Guys, take out the trash.
00:49:23And you.
00:49:25Oh, me?
00:49:27Mr. Harrison, come on.
00:49:29That was a Christmas joke.
00:49:30A family tradition.
00:49:31Yeah, well, there's a new family tradition.
00:49:34Sam.
00:49:39Will you do me the honors?
00:49:42Gladly.
00:49:46Merry Christmas, Aunt Maria.
00:49:51Father, do something.
00:49:53Well, you kind of deserve that.
00:49:55I'm leaving.
00:49:56Merry Christmas, Aunt Maria.
00:49:57Mmm, pumpkin, my favorite.
00:50:04Come on, sweetie.
00:50:06Daddy had this crab line just for you.
00:50:08Eat as much as you want.
00:50:09Thanks, Daddy.
00:50:13I am so sorry I ruined your Christmas.
00:50:16I just couldn't take them treating you like that.
00:50:18Honestly?
00:50:20This is the best Christmas I've ever had.
00:50:22Well, if you want, we can have many more.
00:50:24Just like this.
00:50:26Does he really mean that?
00:50:27Or is he just playing the part?
00:50:29I can't tell.
00:50:31And that terrifies me.
00:50:36Merry Christmas, Mrs. Harrison.
00:50:38I brought you a gift.
00:50:39Here's the paternity test between the boss and that little girl.
00:50:47Oh, this is wonderful.
00:50:50Sam, I have a granddaughter.
00:50:53Tell me everything.
00:50:55Miss Eva Smith, single mother, small town gal, didn't finish high school, currently works in retail.
00:51:00Oh, Maximus, I thought I raised you better.
00:51:04A high school dropout?
00:51:06In the Harrison family?
00:51:09What a chance.
00:51:13She is clearly unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:51:17Maximus seems to like her.
00:51:18Silence!
00:51:19Get me the address where she works.
00:51:21It's Happy Heels on Broadway.
00:51:23That's nice.
00:51:24We own that one.
00:51:26Good work.
00:51:27But take off that stupid hat.
00:51:39Thanks.
00:51:39So your dad insisted that I try this wine that he's been saving for 20 years.
00:51:46Sounds like he's happy with his new son-in-law.
00:51:48And how about you?
00:51:53Me?
00:51:54Yeah.
00:51:56Are you happy with your new husband?
00:52:01Eva?
00:52:12That birthmark.
00:52:13Family to me is a big commitment, and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:52:20Maximus, there's so much we don't know.
00:52:22So much we're not telling each other.
00:52:23Uh, no feelings, no complications.
00:52:27That's what we agreed upon.
00:52:29Yeah, I didn't sign a contract.
00:52:31Max.
00:52:32Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:52:35Well, it's cold.
00:52:37Maybe I'll go grab some more firewood.
00:52:41Max.
00:52:43I need to tell you something.
00:52:46It's something important.
00:52:48What's gotten into her?
00:52:50Is she hiding something?
00:52:52Is this the part where you tell me there's no Santa?
00:52:55I haven't been completely honest with you.
00:53:01Piper is...
00:53:03Piper is...
00:53:04Mommy, Daddy, my hand hurts.
00:53:07Sweetie.
00:53:08Oh, my gosh.
00:53:09It's all swollen.
00:53:10Must have been when that witch smacked her with the fork earlier.
00:53:12Listen, you stay here with Daddy.
00:53:14Mommy's gonna go get a first date kid, okay?
00:53:18Come on, Piper.
00:53:22Okay, let me see.
00:53:26I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or Mommy again.
00:53:30But that's not true.
00:53:31You're leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:53:35Uh...
00:53:36Daddy!
00:53:37No!
00:53:39Well...
00:53:44Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:53:50Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:53:53Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:53:54Really?
00:53:55Please stay, Daddy.
00:54:00You think it was Scar?
00:54:03Hmm.
00:54:06I wouldn't worry about it.
00:54:07Scars make you look like a badass.
00:54:09I have one, too.
00:54:11Dad.
00:54:13I got that when I was about your age.
00:54:15Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:54:18Really?
00:54:19No way.
00:54:20No.
00:54:20It was actually a cactus.
00:54:22But it's still cool.
00:54:25I have something like that on the back of my neck.
00:54:31Piper, how long have you had that?
00:54:33My mom said I had that when I was born.
00:54:41And how old are you?
00:54:42Six.
00:54:43Six?
00:54:44That one night stand was about seven years ago.
00:54:47Okay, I found the first aid kit.
00:54:49Ivar, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:54:53What do I even say?
00:54:54And how do I explain it to Piper?
00:54:57Sorry, honey.
00:54:58This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:55:01Um, yeah.
00:55:05Can I see your hand, sweetie?
00:55:08Ivar.
00:55:12Okay, look.
00:55:16Piper is...
00:55:22Go on.
00:55:29That must be an emergency.
00:55:31Excuse me.
00:55:33Sorry, I'm gonna take this.
00:55:41Mommy, are you okay?
00:55:42Yeah.
00:55:45Mommy's just realizing she's a coward.
00:55:47I don't even have the guts to tell the truth.
00:55:52Why haven't you picked up my calls?
00:55:54I'm telling you, Max, that woman is manipulating you.
00:55:58She's a high school dropout.
00:56:00Doesn't even have a decent job.
00:56:02And she's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:56:05I'm Eva's husband.
00:56:06Max.
00:56:06That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:56:15I'm sorry, Max.
00:56:16You can't know Piper's your daughter.
00:56:18Your mother would take her away.
00:56:20After Christmas, it's over.
00:56:24Eva?
00:56:26Maximus?
00:56:26Are you even listening to me?
00:56:29No, Mom, Mom, listen.
00:56:30I'm sorry, okay?
00:56:31Eva's my wife, and I've made up my mind.
00:56:34I'm not leaving her.
00:56:36Eva?
00:56:46Oh, thank you, Mom.
00:56:48This is for you, Grandma.
00:56:54Oh, wow.
00:56:56That's so cool.
00:56:57What did you make?
00:56:58Uh, Derek, this is from Eva and I.
00:57:01Oh, thank you so much.
00:57:03Just glad you're here.
00:57:07Oh!
00:57:09Wow!
00:57:10Damn, these are nice.
00:57:11Thanks.
00:57:12Grandpa, language.
00:57:14Little ears.
00:57:20Piper, do you want to go see your present?
00:57:22It's in the other room by the train set.
00:57:23Here, I'll go with you.
00:57:24Remember the song that we sang?
00:57:26Ready?
00:57:27Ready?
00:57:27Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
00:57:29What do we got, guys?
00:57:30Billy.
00:57:30Walking home from our house, Christmas Eve.
00:57:36You never told me, have we met before?
00:57:45Have we met before?
00:57:47She's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:57:53I don't know what you're getting at.
00:57:56Eva, I have the same birthmark as Piper.
00:58:07I don't know what you're talking about.
00:58:08Lots of people have birthmarks.
00:58:09They're very common.
00:58:10I feel so awful, but I can't lose my child,
00:58:14no matter how I feel about him.
00:58:18Maybe.
00:58:21Are you okay?
00:58:24Are the clogs a bad idea?
00:58:27No.
00:58:28I'm fine.
00:58:30Um.
00:58:32Oh, I almost forgot.
00:58:36I got you this.
00:58:37You got me a gift, too?
00:58:39Tis the season.
00:58:41Open it.
00:58:54Gloves.
00:58:56Did you make these?
00:58:58Yeah.
00:58:59I know this is a fake marriage, but that's Christmas.
00:59:03You've already done so much for me.
00:59:04I just wanted to do a little something for you.
00:59:08How did I feel?
00:59:10Well, warm, right?
00:59:12Yeah.
00:59:13Warm.
00:59:15Soft.
00:59:18Perfect.
00:59:23Thank you, Eva.
00:59:25I've never gotten anything this meaningful before.
00:59:29Really?
00:59:30Yeah, my mom.
00:59:32She partied all the time.
00:59:33And I got gifts.
00:59:35Plenty of them, but I don't think she ever bought one herself.
00:59:41Nothing personal.
00:59:43Well, you deserve it.
00:59:45You're a good guy.
00:59:46And someday you'll find someone special to spend all your Christmases with.
00:59:55What if that day's today?
00:59:59What if I already found someone special?
01:00:03Right here.
01:00:28Max, we can't.
01:00:31If you want me to stop, you better tell me right now.
01:00:47No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:01:03It's true.
01:01:05I don't want you.
01:01:06I don't want you.
01:01:14Oh, God.
01:01:15You are driving me.
01:01:19Piper.
01:01:21Piper!
01:01:30Piper?
01:01:33She can't see us.
01:01:51Eva?
01:01:55Grandma, I'm up here!
01:02:09That was way too close.
01:02:11Yeah.
01:02:12We would have gotten on the naughty list.
01:02:17Sometimes it's fun to be naughty.
01:02:22Can I still unwrap my present?
01:02:26You still haven't given me mine.
01:02:33Let me give it to you.
01:02:44Let me give it to you.
01:03:11Who is calling me this morning?
01:03:17Hello?
01:03:17Hello, Eva Smith.
01:03:19I'm Max's mother.
01:03:21Name your price.
01:03:22What will it take for you to leave my son alone?
01:03:25What?
01:03:26We both know my son is way out of your league.
01:03:30Take the money, leave my granddaughter with us, and go.
01:03:34My son will find a better wife and a better mother for his child.
01:03:38Piper is my daughter.
01:03:39And no amount of money you offer could ever make me give her up.
01:03:42So you keep your money, and I'll leave on my own.
01:03:45But I am not handing Piper over to you.
01:03:50There's my beautiful wife.
01:03:56You okay?
01:04:00Look, we made it through Christmas.
01:04:04So I think it's best we go our separate ways.
01:04:07What are you talking about?
01:04:09It's over.
01:04:11It's not that hard to understand.
01:04:16Eva, wait!
01:04:20So last night meant nothing to you?
01:04:26Max?
01:04:27It's not real.
01:04:29None of it was real.
01:04:30So this is just a goodbye.
01:04:34I didn't realize I was so disposable for you.
01:04:37Look.
01:04:40Last night, I let my guard down.
01:04:44But I'm a mother, and my choices affect Piper.
01:04:47And being with you can mess up everything between us.
01:04:49Just tell me what you need.
01:04:52I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:04:56Just say the word.
01:05:03You don't get it.
01:05:05You don't get it.
01:05:13I think it's time Piper and I go back to New York.
01:05:20I won't give up on us.
01:05:36Are we here?
01:05:38Yes.
01:05:39As much as I don't want us to be, we're back.
01:05:46Piper.
01:05:47Sweetie, wake up.
01:05:48We're home.
01:05:53How can she just walk away?
01:06:02Don't forget you have to meet my mom.
01:06:04It's part of the agreement, too.
01:06:06Can I just pay you a little extra and skip it?
01:06:09You promised.
01:06:11Eva, I haven't asked you for much.
01:06:13Can you do this for me, please?
01:06:17All right, fine.
01:06:18When?
01:06:20Two days.
01:06:21I'll come pick you up.
01:06:23No need.
01:06:24Just send me the address and I'll meet you there.
01:06:31I know you and mommy thought, but she still really likes you.
01:06:36So don't give up.
01:06:38Okay, daddy?
01:06:39Thank you, sweetie.
01:06:40If there's one thing you should know about your daddy,
01:06:42I always fight for the ones I love.
01:06:58If you find a church in the end, that church in the south is the church.
01:07:01Just do it ten times.
01:07:04Eva's meeting my mother today.
01:07:06Time to finally tell her the truth.
01:07:09Boss? Boss?
01:07:14Lady and gentlemen, I am so sorry.
01:07:17I need to go win back my family.
01:07:20Family? Boss, you okay?
01:07:23Never better.
01:07:25Go get her, Max.
01:07:30Give it your best smile.
01:07:32Ah, there he is.
01:07:35Maximus, darling.
01:07:36I have some prospects for you.
01:07:39Nice high society girls from the city.
01:07:46Oh, I told you.
01:07:47I already found the woman I love.
01:07:55Maximus, stop this.
01:07:57That evil woman is scamming you, son.
01:08:01Tell me what kind of woman you want
01:08:03and I'll find you another.
01:08:04Sir, you are heir to the Harrison dynasty.
01:08:08No, I'm not.
01:08:10Oh?
01:08:11I work in waste management
01:08:13and I'm a secret crime boss.
01:08:16I'm Eva's husband and I'm a father.
01:08:20What?
01:08:33Oh, that's her.
01:08:35The woman who got my son head over heels.
01:08:40Hi, welcome in.
01:08:42Can I help you find something?
01:08:44I want to try those.
01:08:48Awesome, I'll get them for you right away.
01:08:51Are you sure you wouldn't want something more sensible?
01:08:57No, no, no.
01:08:58I know what I want.
01:09:00Size seven.
01:09:03Oh, little bitty can't even walk, but she wants $3,000 heels.
01:09:07Come on.
01:09:07She wants the white shoes.
01:09:14Ignore her.
01:09:15She's just grumpy over the holidays.
01:09:17Here, let me help you.
01:09:18Come on.
01:09:23She seems kind.
01:09:29I shouldn't be that impressed.
01:09:31She's just doing her job.
01:09:34How do they feel?
01:09:36Well, I love the style, but it's too small.
01:09:39I think I need a size up.
01:09:41Maybe my feet are still growing.
01:09:46Right away.
01:09:47I'll be right back.
01:09:49She's not only kind, she's patient.
01:09:52Was I wrong about her?
01:10:08Are you gluing the heel back on?
01:10:11Well, who gives a shit?
01:10:13She can't walk.
01:10:17That's just pure evil.
01:10:21Oh, come on, St. Eva.
01:10:24She's in a wheelchair.
01:10:26Who cares?
01:10:27It's the last pair.
01:10:28I get paid commission.
01:10:35I'm not doing that, Vanessa.
01:10:38See?
01:10:40This is your whole problem.
01:10:43This is why you'll always be broke.
01:10:47I don't care if she can walk or not.
01:10:49I'm not selling her junk.
01:10:52She has to deal with people like this?
01:10:55People who insult her all day?
01:10:58I'm your manager.
01:11:03Sell the old bitty the shoes or you're fired.
01:11:12Did I stutter?
01:11:17You don't have to fire me.
01:11:20I quit.
01:11:27I don't work here anymore.
01:11:29Listen.
01:11:30Don't buy the shoes.
01:11:32They're broken.
01:11:33Spend your hard-earned money elsewhere, okay?
01:11:35You're a good person after all.
01:11:39Looks like I misjudged you.
01:11:41I'm sorry?
01:11:44Why are you still here, Eva?
01:11:47Get out!
01:11:53You're not disabled?
01:11:54Selling a broken heel to someone you thought was handicapped?
01:11:59Absolutely shameful.
01:12:01Who are you?
01:12:02I am the chairwoman of the Harrison Group.
01:12:07And the owner of this store.
01:12:09You're Eleanor Harrison?
01:12:11Mother of the CEO?
01:12:13I am.
01:12:14And you, my dear, are fired!
01:12:18What did I do?
01:12:22You are a good person.
01:12:24From now on, this store is yours to run.
01:12:30Are you serious?
01:12:33Are you serious?
01:12:34That's right.
01:12:35Don't be nervous, child.
01:12:37You are professional.
01:12:39Responsible.
01:12:41Far better than that two-bit manager.
01:12:46You.
01:12:47Out!
01:12:49I'll leave.
01:12:52I'm leaving.
01:12:56I...
01:12:56I...
01:12:57I feel like I'm dreaming.
01:12:59No.
01:13:00Don't worry.
01:13:02You're getting a promotion.
01:13:04You deserve it, my dear.
01:13:08First assignment?
01:13:10I want that row, and that row, and the entire display case.
01:13:16Pack it all up and bring it to my house.
01:13:20Okay.
01:13:20Yeah.
01:13:23Once we're home, I'll tell her I'm her mother-in-law.
01:13:27I can't wait to finally meet my granddaughter.
01:13:36She's the mother of a CEO.
01:13:38Of course she lives like this.
01:13:49Mrs. Harrison?
01:13:51I'm here with your delivery.
01:13:55Max?
01:13:56Eva?
01:13:57What are you doing here?
01:14:00I, uh...
01:14:01There you are, Eva!
01:14:04Wonderful we can finally meet each other properly.
01:14:06My new daughter-in-law.
01:14:10What are you talking...
01:14:14That means you really are the CEO of Harrison Group.
01:14:19Well, I tried to tell you, but...
01:14:21Stop!
01:14:22And you?
01:14:23You lied to me at the store!
01:14:26Y...
01:14:26You were both just testing me?
01:14:28Is this some sick game rich people play?
01:14:30I'm sorry, Eva.
01:14:32I thought you might be using my son just after his money.
01:14:36But I was wrong.
01:14:37Eva, please.
01:14:38I don't deserve to be treated like this.
01:14:41Not every working-class girl is after your money.
01:14:44How could you think that of me?
01:14:45It's not like that, dear.
01:14:48Eva, what are you talking about?
01:14:51Mom, what did you do?
01:14:52I-I was just trying to get the two of you back together.
01:14:55We're not together.
01:14:57And I can't love something that was never real.
01:15:03I made a horrible mistake.
01:15:07What are you waiting for, son? Go after her!
01:15:12Eva...
01:15:13Let me go!
01:15:14I swear, it's not what you think!
01:15:16Look, we come from two completely different worlds.
01:15:18Stop pretending like you care!
01:15:19I'm not pretending!
01:15:20Okay, I can't fake what we have.
01:15:22And everything I've done for you, and Piper, this is real.
01:15:30Touch my wife again and I will snap every finger that you've got.
01:15:34Max, you came.
01:15:36God, you weren't driving me fucking insane.
01:15:40I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:15:44Just say the word.
01:15:48See?
01:15:51Stop fighting.
01:15:54We belong together.
01:15:57You're wrong.
01:15:58Wrong about what?
01:16:00That you care?
01:16:02Or we belong together?
01:16:03Look, I already told you.
01:16:05We're from two completely different worlds.
01:16:07Now I held up my end of the deal, and I met your mother, like we discussed.
01:16:11Now I want a fake divorce from my fake husband.
01:16:16Eva!
01:16:20Eva!
01:16:22I'm sorry, Maximus.
01:16:24Walking away is the only choice I have.
01:16:32Ow!
01:16:34Are you okay, Mommy?
01:16:36Yeah, sweetie, I'm fine.
01:16:38Come here.
01:16:47No, you're not fine. You're sad.
01:16:51I'm okay, sweetie.
01:16:55I miss Daddy, too.
01:17:00I want Max to be my real daddy.
01:17:04Don't you want to be with him?
01:17:08Lovebug.
01:17:09Lovebug.
01:17:10You're right.
01:17:11What am I doing? Running like a coward?
01:17:15I've always taught you to be brave.
01:17:18Now it's time for Mommy to be brave, too.
01:17:21I believe in you. What are you gonna do, Mommy?
01:17:25I know exactly what to say to him.
01:17:30Maximus deserves to know Piper is his daughter.
01:17:39Enough sulking.
01:17:41Go get your wife and my grandbaby back.
01:17:44Don't you think I want to?
01:17:47She doesn't want me.
01:17:49I didn't raise you to give up.
01:17:51Your daughter is still out there.
01:17:52You can't abandon her.
01:17:54Mom, you don't get it.
01:17:56I made a deal with Eva to play my wife.
01:17:58And Piper, she was an added bonus.
01:18:03What are you talking about?
01:18:04I already ran a DNA test.
01:18:08Piper is your daughter.
01:18:10What?
01:18:11See for yourself.
01:18:18I was right.
01:18:20Seven years ago.
01:18:22New Years, that woman was Eva.
01:18:33Eva!
01:18:35Hey!
01:18:37Daddy!
01:18:39Daddy!
01:18:40Piper!
01:18:44I missed you so much, sweetheart.
01:18:51You came back.
01:18:56I, uh...
01:18:58Don't forget to be brave, Mommy.
01:19:06I, uh...
01:19:08I was scared.
01:19:09But I don't want to be scared anymore.
01:19:12Because what we have is real and it's worth fighting for.
01:19:17Sweetheart, I have something to tell you.
01:19:20I have something to tell you, too.
01:19:24Piper is your daughter.
01:19:26You knew.
01:19:27My sweet granddaughter.
01:19:30Mama!
01:19:34Well, I just found out for sure a few minutes ago, but you've known this whole time?
01:19:38I was scared.
01:19:39Okay?
01:19:40I didn't know if you were gonna take her from me.
01:19:42I didn't know how you were feeling.
01:19:45How could you not know how I felt?
01:19:57I love you, Eva.
01:20:01I love you, too.
01:20:03I promise.
01:20:04For the rest of my life, I'm going to make it up to you.
01:20:08As long as we're together, it doesn't matter where we are.
01:20:21Will you marry me, Eva?
01:20:24For real this time?
01:20:26Yes!
01:20:26Yes!
01:20:27Yes, of course!
01:20:28I'll marry you!
01:20:33Yes!
01:20:34Hi!
01:20:42Looks like you're stuck with me the next Christmas.
01:20:44And the Christmas after that.
01:20:45And forever!
01:20:49I wouldn't have it any other way.
01:20:55Who's that?
01:20:58Eva!
01:21:00Take me back!
01:21:03I'm sorry!
01:21:05I struck your tire!
01:21:09Looks like I have to take out the trash.
01:21:11Again.
01:21:14No?
01:21:15Not funny?
01:21:20I haven't seen it yet.
01:21:22No, but I don't have enough battery.
01:21:24You hear what?
01:21:25I you just say come to me.
01:21:28This is almost the vibe.
Comments