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Short filmTranscript
00:00It's not igniting Mary. Turn it off, turn it on again. Turn the machine off at the wall,
00:11wait a few seconds, turn it back on again. What a time to run for the boiler to get on
00:17the blink Mary. In the middle of winter with snow forecast.
00:34Oh, here we go. What is that? Oh shut up. This doesn't look real. I don't think it is. A
00:40framboisier? What's the framboisier?
00:43Oh, I knew it! No! This looks dodgy, doesn't it? Why is it dodgy? This is going to go down
00:49so badly. None of us learn, do we?
00:53I hate you. Must remember that bellend. This is what everyone came for. The alarm bells are ringing with me,
01:01Mary.
01:02Lisa nipples are covered. Yeah, it's half the battle. In the week we said a fond farewell to snooker legend
01:08John Virgo, we enjoyed lots of great telly. They were wheeling out the big brains on Channel 4.
01:16Please welcome, Susie Dent!
01:22Susie! Lovely to see you!
01:24Of course the woman from Countdown's in this. She is really smart to be fair, but although,
01:30at the same time, doesn't she just look up dictionary like...
01:36That's right, all she does is flip through the dictionary!
01:38And she goes, right, yeah, that is a real word.
01:43We can do that. I can do that, yeah!
01:46Will Smith found himself in a hole on Disney Plus.
01:50The goal of the expedition is to find new species, not just for the sake of finding new species.
01:56You know, we're not collecting stamps here.
01:58His name's Prof. That means he's a professor. There's a joke at my work that I'm a professor.
02:06Because one time I filled out a form and I put Prof instead of Miss.
02:15And Olivia Atwood was showing us how to get filthy rich on ITV2.
02:20It's in the millions. Wow. I don't know why you don't do any of this. You'd make a fortune.
02:26You've always said that. You could do a chat line.
02:29I'd be good at it. I know, you said...
02:31Hey, Lee, look, I've already got... I'll show you. Ready?
02:35What?
02:37Taking your clothes off? What?
02:40Hello, sir. Yes.
02:42What would you like to do?
02:44Oh, you'd like me to take my dress off?
02:46Yes, OK.
02:50Oh, the zip's got a bit stuck.
02:53Hold on a moment.
02:56Right, the dress is coming off now, sir.
03:01Isn't it good?
03:03Oh, I've got my finger stuck.
03:15In Leeds.
03:16Where did it all go wrong for you on Saturday night?
03:18Because you seemed all right at the brunch.
03:19I think it was when I had them two spicy margaritas back to back.
03:22One spicy margarita after the other. I just love a spicy margs.
03:28Well, you went absolutely mad with me. I bought you a pink gin and tonic and you were going,
03:32no, you know I wanted spicy margarita. I wanted spicy margarita. Why have you bought me pink gin?
03:37Yeah, and so I necked that gin that you bought me and then trotted off to the bar and bought
03:41myself two spicy margaritas.
03:43Not one, but two spicy margaritas.
03:45Yeah.
03:45And then I drank one spicy margarita after the other, necked them.
03:53And I actually think that after that point of necking those spicy margaritas, that's when the night becomes blurry.
03:59That's when it spiralled. That's when it spiralled, yeah.
04:02You rang me at two in the morning and I thought, peace off.
04:06On Thursday night, the latest bunch of business hopefuls were suited and booted and back in the firing line on
04:13BBC One.
04:14I tell you what, I watched episode one last week, shit show.
04:17I wish I was actually clever enough or had the brain to invent something that they would love,
04:24but that would just never happen.
04:26You're fired.
04:29We had to do a business plan when we took the pub.
04:32Oh, did you?
04:32Yeah, well, I never did it. I didn't.
04:36I wouldn't know how to start a business plan. Where would you start? How would you start a business plan?
04:39You write it down.
04:41I know that, you silly bastard.
04:44In the programme, Large Sugar had a playful way of introducing the next task.
04:50Are you sitting comfortably?
04:52We should begin.
04:55Oh, it's Tony. Not a Large Sugar Tony.
04:58For your next task, I want you to create a story for four to six-year-olds.
05:04Oh, that is such a fun task.
05:07You need to produce a book and an audio version to go with it.
05:11Okay, an audio version, I think, would be tricky because there's no visual aid there.
05:15No, no, that's the audio bit.
05:18This is a good one. Surely there can't go far wrong with this, writing a kid's book and recording it.
05:23Exactly.
05:23I've got a story I do, I think.
05:25Next for the boys.
05:27I say mine is Geno Giraffe. He's on a spaceship and his whole end goal is basically to have a
05:31poo.
05:32Oh, great.
05:33To have a poo?
05:34Correct.
05:34No, get him out. Nobody wants to talk about excrement.
05:37There's a boy called Astro, five years old, goes into space and essentially he's trying to find the perfect toilet.
05:42Why is he all based around toilets? He's trying to find the perfect toilet in space.
05:48Which mum and dad's going to enjoy reading that story today, child?
05:52One, two, three, poo.
05:57Oh my God, this is only going to go one way.
06:00Down the toilet.
06:01Yeah.
06:02Next chapter for Marcus's boys.
06:04Please Ru, can I do a poo in your loo?
06:07Oh my days.
06:08Do you want to do for Doo-Doo Land?
06:12No.
06:14Don't do that.
06:15You're taking a mix.
06:17Is this for real?
06:18Yeah.
06:18Let's go.
06:19OK.
06:26Is this seriously what The Apprentice has come to?
06:30Central London.
06:32Are we excited?
06:33Yeah!
06:35No.
06:35Oh my God, what are the kids going to say?
06:37Oh, dearie me.
06:38Right, this is your audience, isn't it?
06:39If the kids like it, you've got some testimonials.
06:41He is not scared of any planet in the universe, except for one.
06:48Oh, Jane.
06:49Look at the faces.
06:51Oh, the bud.
06:52Doo-Doo Land.
06:54Dun-dun.
06:59Ah!
07:00Not a one is laughing.
07:02But what did people think of the adventure that Astro went on?
07:04Shut it, it isn't that funny.
07:06Oh!
07:07LAUGHTER
07:09It isn't that funny!
07:11Do you know what, kids are brutal?
07:13They are.
07:14Do you want to hear it one more time?
07:16No.
07:17All right.
07:17No?!
07:21I
07:21Prefer the humor of a P.G. Woodhouse
07:265 p.m.
07:29Arriving some of Britain's biggest booksellers. Oh
07:33This is a bit this will be so we are here to present to you astro and the three aliens
07:50Oh my god, that's exactly how it's gone down
07:56They've actually narrated how their books got there
08:01In home are you glad to be back does it look as though I'm glad to be back did you
08:06enjoy it?
08:07Yes, I did good. I enjoyed my my break. Where did I go?
08:11Best friends Jenny and Lee candy. No, not candy. What is it?
08:18Eh
08:20India
08:21Yeah
08:24Go oh
08:26Go away. Oh, yeah, go away. Yeah
08:29Go away. I'm surprised. I'm surprised what asked me. Where did I get it from? Where'd you get it from
08:34fucking India?
08:35Where do you think Manchester? Oh, yeah
08:39On Sunday night we settled in for a light-hearted game of tactics and trivia on ITV the floor
08:48We can't have an alcoholic drink on a Sunday
08:50It's only one
08:53You better drink it. Famous last words
08:55I'm Rob Brydon and this is the floor. Hello Rob
08:59He looks like a koala. Let's bring it up players
09:04Oh
09:04Oh, they're all happy to be there. Oh my lord
09:09Oh, I think I quite like this already. Have they all got a box? They've all got their own box
09:13So you choose your subject depending on your specialism
09:17So like you might choose I don't know Aston Villa
09:20Okay, or pop music
09:22Yes
09:22And what would your specialist subject be? Food
09:25Absolutely
09:27Hello everybody
09:2949 of you remain
09:3149
09:33And you're all still in with a chance of winning that huge jackpot of 50,000 pounds
09:40Oh
09:41It's not bad for a Sunday afternoon, Mike
09:43No
09:44Let's light up the floor
09:47What a strapline
09:49Here we go any second
09:51Now, oh
09:53Slay
09:55Slay
09:56Clacky
09:57What does that mean? Slay bells
09:59It must mean S-L-A-Y
10:02He's going to kill the contestants
10:04His rivals
10:06Slay them
10:06Now then, George
10:07Your category is
10:09US states
10:10Oh
10:12I've been in a few states
10:13But not in many US states
10:15So there's four
10:16Four states
10:18I think there's at least 60
10:20America
10:21New York
10:22You're going to be duelling on a category belonging to one of your neighbours
10:25America
10:26New York
10:27And then there's another two
10:28What is on
10:29You're lying to me
10:30I'm not
10:31But George wasn't playing his own category
10:33He was about to play Aisha's category
10:36The category is famous hair
10:39I don't think Dad would get very far with this one
10:41No
10:41No
10:42No
10:47Claudia Winkleman
10:48Claudia Winkleman
10:49Long black and shiny
10:51No dandruff
10:54Mr T
10:55BA Barakas
10:56I ain't getting no playing fool
10:57Mr T
10:59I've woke up like Mr T
11:00And all my hair shrinks
11:01We've all woken up like Mr T
11:02Well not all of us
11:03But us people of colour
11:06Harry Winkleman
11:07No
11:08No
11:09Harry Winkleman
11:10Ha ha ha ha ha
11:12Prince Harry
11:13Prince Harry
11:14I mean they've done him wonders there
11:17Because they've clearly used an old picture
11:19Yeah
11:20It's like orange smoke on top now
11:23Oh
11:25Bob Rob
11:25Get out of my pub
11:27Get out of my pub
11:27His cinders
11:28Dolly Parton
11:30Oh Dolly Parton
11:32I thought it was Peggy
11:34From his cinders
11:37Oh I know
11:38What's her name
11:39Er
11:39What's her name
11:40Have you seen the beard
11:41Oh no
11:43Jason Momoa
11:45No I didn't know that one
11:46I was gonna be like
11:46Jesus
11:47Ha ha ha ha ha
11:48No I was gonna say the one that
11:50Say
11:50The one that's the best
11:53Posh Spice
11:54No that's not Posh Spice
11:56It's Baby Spice
11:58Mel B
11:59Nope
12:00Diana Ross
12:01Mel B
12:02Mel B
12:03Mel B
12:03Oh
12:04Oh
12:05I told you
12:07I'm sorry they're exaggerating her hair a little bit there
12:09Come on
12:10No she doesn't look like that
12:13Prince
12:14Prince
12:15Prince
12:15That's a woman
12:16I was gonna say Prince William's woman
12:22Prince William's woman
12:24In this day and age I'm on you
12:27In this day and age she's only his woman
12:31No I forgot her name
12:32She's only his woman
12:33This is what I like to call an ironing show
12:36You know if you're doing a bit of ironing you bang this on don't you
12:39Yeah it used to be the EastEnders omnibus
12:41Yeah
12:42But now you can just bang the floor on
12:44Yeah
12:44Get the kids uniforms washed out
12:46Yeah
12:46Done
12:47It's not gonna put you off
12:49No
12:49But it's nice to have on in the background
12:59In Manchester
13:00Me mate's getting married on Friday and I'm really looking forward to it
13:04But me mate's a vegetarian so that means vegetarian food at the wedding
13:09No
13:09Surely you'll do some normal options
13:12It's veggie food
13:14The Malones
13:15The thing is I like vegetables and that
13:17No issue with vegetables
13:20But I do like a good like bit of chicken or something
13:25Hey Sean you never know you might go
13:27The food might be that good you might become a vegetarian
13:32Ah lad can't see that
13:34Well yeah sure you can be the one that turns up
13:35Who's the guest that's turned up with a like with a wedding present at a packet of pork pies and
13:39sausage rolls
13:39They are
13:40They're all gonna be around it aren't they
13:42Don't give him ideas
13:44This week Disney Plus was pushing a Hollywood A-lister to the limit on an epic new adventure series
13:51Pole to pole with Will Smith Shirl
13:53He's going from the North Pole right down to the South Pole
13:56He's walking is he?
13:58Walking?
14:01Where is the North Pole?
14:03I don't think you can live there
14:03You can
14:04I can't
14:05Santa lives there
14:06Yeah just Santa
14:08No one else
14:12I don't think I'd want to go pole to pole with Will Smith or toe to toe
14:16You know Chris Rock found that out didn't he?
14:18Did you ever have one of those friends
14:20Why is he that close to the camera like that?
14:23That like gets you in trouble all the time
14:26Oh I was that friend
14:27Yeah
14:30How does he know?
14:31I remember my very first snake bite
14:33You never forget your first
14:35What do you mean how many snake bites have you had in your life?
14:38Did you mean a shot?
14:39No darling
14:40Over the last 25 years I've had 27 snake bites
14:4427?
14:4424 broken bones
14:45400 stitches
14:47Oh my god
14:48Two stingray stings and one near fatal scorpion sting in the Amazon
14:52Bloody hell that's like my summer holidays
14:55Have a doll then
14:56I hope you've got good health insurance
14:58Brian has us in the middle of the Amazon
15:03And you want to go there?
15:05Yeah, not necessarily with Brian
15:07No
15:08Now Brian thinks there are creatures here that could hold the secret to saving millions of lives
15:15That's worth looking for
15:16Oh wow
15:17Okay, let them stay there
15:18Stay there with your secret
15:20We are arriving
15:21The main goal of our expedition is just there
15:24What's the main?
15:25But today we are not going up
15:27We are going down
15:28We're going up
15:29No, I couldn't be going down
15:30I'm terrible
15:31When I got stuck behind that woman in the Great Pyramids that year
15:34I'll never forget it
15:42Whatever the lost tiles
15:44Aka where people don't come back out
15:47You know what that means in Spanish?
15:49What?
15:50The ball
15:51We are going down
15:52About 20 story building
15:5520 story building?
15:57Isn't there a lift?
15:58See you on the bottom
15:59You go first
16:00Set some lights up
16:02And a little fire
16:04Imagine if down there there's a cure for cancer, he's shooting for the stars fair play to him. Oh
16:10There's a cure for cancer
16:13I'll call my help. It wasn't long before Brian and Wills poking about would unearth some creepy crawlies
16:34I'm gonna need a bigger jug. Here we go. Thank you
16:42I'll tell you what that's got area legs than me. Yeah, that thing is insane looking. Oh my gosh. Could
16:49you imagine that in your bedroom?
16:51So what do they do now? They've got the animals
16:53So how do they extract the venom because the them animals aren't gonna give it freely are they?
16:59So we're going to milk the biggest of the tarantulas milking tarantulas
17:04Come on
17:06How long does the spider stay knocked out I try to do as minimal as possible so it's usually out
17:11for about
17:11Five minutes ten minutes at most so you should hurry up spider sedation
17:16Well, I never it takes three of us just to wrangle the animal
17:24It's just so big all right, so first Amalia is going to pop open one of the fangs
17:30Mm-hmm
17:32Whoa
17:34Fucking hell
17:35Stay to that
17:37Jesus
17:38Getting any venom?
17:40Oh nice big drop. Look at that
17:41Oh, there it comes! Look at that!
17:43It's milking
17:45There we go. Oh, that was a good amount
17:47Oh my god, look at that
17:49The spider's waking up rapidly
17:50Oh, oh, it's waking up now Lee
17:53Oh shit, rapidly fucking hell, knock him out man!
17:57Get some gas on him!
17:58Your first venom extraction
18:00Look at all that
18:02Will drinks it
18:04We're gonna do some shots down here, I know what!
18:08In Durham
18:09When I go food shopping, because I go food shopping now
18:12Only done it twice
18:13You must be starving
18:15In the whole six months I've lived there
18:17Best friends Abby and Georgia
18:20Well, that's when I done that week of Hello Fresh, didn't I?
18:23Ahhhh
18:24Never do that again
18:26Hated it
18:27It was the worst week of my life
18:30There was tomato puree up me walls
18:32I hated every second
18:36I'm being serious, I put a complaint in
18:38Did you?
18:40Please send a chef with this next time
18:44On Sunday night, ITV2 was showing us new ways to make a living
18:48Right, get your notepad out
18:50What?
18:51A living awkward
18:52How to get filthy rich
18:53Oh, I'd love to be filthy rich, wouldn't you?
18:55It's alright, I would
18:57Oh
19:00This gives you an insight into how people are making money in questionable ways
19:04Yeah
19:05It's people that make money out of like OnlyFans and stuff
19:08Oh
19:09Ooh
19:10Hey, I don't want Nat watching this getting ideas
19:12Seeing what else there is available on the internet for money
19:16No, well, do you know what? I actually did once buy some saucy underwear
19:20And he got an eye to me and says, what have you bought that for?
19:25Oh
19:25Visibility on social media of the foot fetish has spiked in recent years
19:29Oh, foot fetish!
19:32I don't want to look at my own, let alone someone else's dusty crusty feet
19:35Does that turn you on?
19:36No, not really
19:38Is it supposed to?
19:40With Pornhub reporting a 58% increase of interest from the under 35s
19:46Don't include me in that
19:47Yep, it's your generation, look, it's your splat bang in the middle
19:51My generation, we need to be doing better
19:53I think everyone's got a foot fetish on a slide
19:56No
19:57No
19:58One guy I found online stumbled upon the earning power of his feet
20:02While serving in the armed forces
20:03What?
20:05You're joking
20:05Surely you can't do that in the armed forces?
20:08What is so attractive about this size 11 stinky foot?
20:11Oh Lord, move that foot away!
20:14He has been the only person thus far to be kicked out of the Navy for creating adult content
20:20Why can't he do that and serve the nation?
20:25I like men in uniform though, Lee
20:27Oh
20:28I do, honestly
20:31Is that why you used to see the lollipop man?
20:33Yeah
20:34What he's told me, which I don't really understand, but he's doing a sock drop
20:39A what?
20:40Sock drop
20:41Now this isn't the first time I've heard about this
20:44There's a post that says Millennium Bridge 10.30am today
20:48I am leaving a pair of dirty socks to come and get them
20:51This is insane
20:53I've missed my calling
20:54The world has gone mad
20:57I mean, my sock drop needs a good sorting out, to be fair
21:00If I could make a bit of money from selling my old socks
21:03I've been my holy socks, maybe I should be selling them
21:06We're in central London today and as requested, so many of you
21:10Want me to leave a sock on Millennium Bridge
21:13Guys, you might see me on this bridge because I was in London the other day
21:16If I turn up, it's just coincidence
21:18Yeah, right like that
21:19So I've actually got this pair that I've been wearing for four days straight
21:22Oh, four days?
21:24Christ, they'll be walking around on their own
21:26He suffers for his art, doesn't he?
21:28Clearly
21:30He's tying them on
21:31Right, there you go
21:33Are we supposed to get a pair?
21:35Posted
21:37Well, he's learnt something in the navy nut
21:39He's learnt how to tie a knot
21:41Go
21:41So what do the people that have picked up the socks in the past look like?
21:45I want to see who's getting those socks
21:46Yeah, I want to see
21:47That's what I want to know
21:48Name and shame
21:50As we're leaving the bridge, Zach spots someone he recognises
21:54No!
21:56He recognises somebody
21:57That's one of my fans
21:59Where?
22:00Running for the sock now
22:04That's one of his fans, Mary
22:06How long's that been?
22:07What? 30 seconds? Minute?
22:08Gross, he's on his street, are we?
22:10Shall we meet him?
22:11Well, I mean, I would, obviously, but he's your fan, not mine
22:14This is crazy
22:15This is actually crazy
22:18Where are they gone?
22:19Someone got him before him
22:21Somebody's already got him!
22:27Oh, look, it's gutted
22:29So, where's the socks?
22:31Is he coming?
22:32Where are they?
22:33Now we're actually meeting a foot fetishist, don't we?
22:37I think I've gone into a sort of nightmare or something
22:39Well, better luck next time
22:42Nice to meet you, thanks for talking to me
22:44I'll let you say your goodbyes
22:47I'll give you a hug
22:48Wait, really?
22:48I'll be nice
22:49Oh, are they hugging?
22:50They're hugging Daniella
22:51Right
22:54That'll be better than the socks
22:55Yeah
22:56What could I show people?
23:00What's the matter?
23:03Well, I don't want to play
23:04Because I'm thinking
23:05Oh
23:05It's going to be stinky underwear
23:07That's what I want, Shane
23:08I could do a bra, couldn't I?
23:11Yeah, way too much already
23:14I am so in
23:15To sell socks
23:17It's not happening, darling
23:21And I'm going and checking every sock in the drawer upstairs
23:24Before we go to bed tonight
23:26There's going to be a sock register
23:27And there's going to be a sock register upstairs
23:30And if any socks have gone next week, I'll know where they are
23:42In the Cotswolds
23:43I almost did dry January
23:45What do you mean you almost did?
23:47Well, I did, I did that week
23:49The week where you did three days
23:51I did four
23:51Andrew and his husband Alfie
23:53I quite liked it for my ten days
23:57There's probably 30 non-alcoholic beers still left in the fridge
24:00Yeah, I drank four
24:01OK, so it wasn't that
24:02It was more of a damn January
24:04It was a total damn January
24:05OK
24:06On Monday night, there were more police in pursuit on Channel 5
24:10Can I just change?
24:11Oh, I couldn't possibly
24:12Thank you so much
24:15Come on, off your cob
24:16Good girl
24:17Yay
24:17What are we?
24:18Watch this for me
24:19Right, we're going to watch this
24:20So that you know what not to do on the motorway
24:23Now that you're learning to drive
24:24It's fine, Jay, go so slowly
24:26Cheers, you're fine
24:27Cheers, Captain Obvious
24:29When it comes to bad driving
24:31Dash camp never lies
24:33There are some shite drivers out there, aren't there?
24:36Shite
24:36Shite
24:37Locking up the most dangerous people on our roads
24:41Are the motorway cops
24:43I'd love to see them catch a few
24:45I haven't been on the motorway for ages
24:47Since my mother died
24:48There's no reason to go anywhere
24:49Mum would make a good motorway cop
24:51She can make a one-point-full turbo mocker
24:54Do things that the Stig could only dream of
24:57Yeah
25:00I like driving on the motorway
25:02But I hate the lane hoggers, man
25:03Move out the way
25:04Shae doesn't like the lane hoggers, Andre
25:07She is a lane hogger
25:08She's the number one lane hogger
25:10Oh, my days, Shae
25:12Dad's worse than me
25:13Dad is worse than me
25:15No, your dad just
25:15Your dad goes all over the place
25:17You're like, Andre, just stay in one lane, man
25:19I move over
25:19Shae sits there
25:20In his little mini
25:25Oombside police, what's the emergency?
25:27Oombside, that's us
25:28It's the refinery service station
25:30I've got a theft of fuel
25:31Just literally left the site now
25:32A theft of fuel?
25:33You know what that means, don't you, Soph?
25:35They've nicked some fuel
25:36That's right
25:37I've done that, have you driven away?
25:38Yeah
25:38Without paying?
25:39Yeah
25:40Accidentally, mine was paid
25:41Of course
25:42Mark, stop it
25:43He looks stoned on the site
25:45Oh, he's stoned
25:46On the drugs
25:47He's on drugs, does he love?
25:49Oh, that's even worse, isn't it?
25:50Mill's made off of fuel
25:52The Bentley Continental
25:54In black
25:54A Bentley Continental?
25:57Oh, what?
25:58Oh, no, what's that?
25:59It's a Bentley
25:59And you can't pay for your fuel?
26:01The last reliable site
26:02Was it?
26:02In England Dock
26:03Tango November 1-1
26:05We're blue lighting across there now
26:06We're blue lighting
26:07We're blue lighting
26:08We're blue lighting
26:10Is that a hallucination?
26:11Believe he's the second coming of Jesus
26:13Who believes he's the second coming of Jesus?
26:16Oh, Jesus
26:17He's off his trolley then
26:19To be fair, I would imagine
26:20That the second coming of Jesus
26:22Would drive round in a Bentley Continental
26:24Yeah
26:27He's got a couple of pals in car and all
26:30So it's Jesus and the disciples
26:33It is failing to stop
26:36Well in excess of 7-0 in a 3-0
26:39Oh, I see 17 or 30
26:41Yeah, that's way worse than I was
26:43This is marvellous, this programme
26:45Yeah
26:48There's the car
26:49The wagons have got him
26:50Eight CVs have got him
26:51Bucks him in
26:52Bucks him in
26:56Stop, stop
26:57Yeah, stop you silly bastard
27:00Contact made with subject vehicle
27:01Contact made
27:02Vehicle is continuing
27:05No, he's gone away
27:06The lorries
27:07The lorries
27:07Oh my days
27:09You stupid wagons
27:11Fucking wagon drivers
27:15He's gonna go straight through
27:16He's gonna go straight through
27:16Oh
27:17Oh
27:18He just went through the barrier
27:21It's done
27:22Right, right, right
27:23Right, right, right
27:25Oh
27:25Oh my God
27:26This is absolutely wild
27:28This is crazy
27:29It's like a James Bond film
27:31Yeah
27:32Tango November 1-1
27:33Other units are now on site
27:35You've got back up
27:36Okay
27:37Good, good
27:37Finally
27:38Where's the helicopter man?
27:43Shit, a break
27:44This is fast
27:45This is so cool
27:48Head free
27:48For all the wrong reasons
27:50This must be the best car chase ever
27:52They're fantastic, isn't it?
27:56They got him
27:56They got him
27:57They got him
27:57That's it, they got him
27:58Hotel Zulu
27:591-0
28:00Subject detained
28:01He's been dogged
28:02He's been dogged?
28:05He's been dogged?
28:06He's been dogged!
28:06He's been dogged!
28:07Get him dogged!
28:09Lay on your front
28:09Lay on your front
28:10Lay on your front
28:10Do me now
28:11Do not move
28:12I don't think he can move, can he?
28:14There's not a child's been moving
28:15Where's he off to?
28:17Right, mate
28:17You're under arrest
28:18On suspicion
28:19Of failing to stop the police
28:20Dangerous driving
28:22And abduced slash kidnap
28:23Suspicion of failing to stop for the police
28:25There's no suspicion in that
28:27Yeah
28:27He's gone for 40 miles
28:29At 100 miles an hour
28:30Charge him for that one now
28:32Do you understand?
28:33Who's scared?
28:34Sorry?
28:34Who's scared?
28:36I do not speak to no one
28:37Oh, I can that
28:38Fucking hell
28:40He's wrecked that car
28:41I mean, your mum has come back with some dents and scratches
28:44But never like that
28:51In Leeds
28:52Izzy, is that my jaw or have I got jowls?
28:55Jowls, definitely
28:56Sisters Ellie and Izzy
28:59I'm getting jowls
29:00Yeah
29:01Seriously
29:02Like, you being mean or being honest
29:05Let me feel
29:09It's jowls
29:11Fuck's sake
29:15Gobble gobble
29:17On Friday
29:18On Friday
29:19An exciting expose
29:20Was making the headlines on the BBC
29:22As soon as we put the news on
29:24Any chance we could watch it?
29:25Because it would be nice
29:26I know I do love looking at doggies
29:28Well thanks for the kiss
29:38You have to keep fucking slapping
29:40Well get me some bread then
29:42Complaints about rogue locksmiths have risen by two thirds over the last four years
29:47Good heavens
29:49Good heavens
29:49I had no idea that was a thing
29:51No one needed to die
29:52Oh dear
29:52What are they doing?
29:54Using a tactic known as bait and switch
29:56Where companies offer an affordable call out fee
30:00But hike up the price when they get there
30:02Oh that's when you hear the whip
30:04Oh
30:05Yeah
30:05Oh that's a mortis
30:06Five lever
30:08Yeah
30:09Five lever
30:09Basically every plumber and locksmith
30:13And builder and roofer in London is a crook
30:16No
30:17No not all crooks
30:19Emergency call out fee
30:2045 pounds
30:21Finn and Maria were locked inside when they called 24-7 Locksmiths UK
30:26How do you lock inside?
30:27You got locked between two doors one time
30:29As a kid I got locked in the book
30:31She was there all day until I got back from work
30:33They say they were quoted 45 pounds over the phone
30:36Well that's where they get you
30:38Cheap call out fee
30:39Expensive repair bills
30:41Yes
30:41Just making stuff up
30:43We're going to have to replace the door here lock
30:44Yeah
30:45Yeah really we're going to have to knock down this house really to get you in
30:48I stopped my head out the window and said do not break the lock
30:50We can you know we can definitely fix this without doing that
30:53We're not going to have to replace it
30:54She don't need to do that
30:55And he said no I need to do it
30:56Snap
30:57Lock was broken he was in
30:58I love how she's laughing at the situation
31:00Yeah cos she's thinking that's definitely not how it panned out
31:02Yeah that's not how it panned out at all
31:04You know you've said to me it doesn't need doing
31:06He said it needs doing
31:07And I've said let's do it
31:09One thousand two hundred and fifty pounds altogether
31:12What?
31:12Oh
31:14How much?
31:15How'd you get to that much?
31:17The call out fee was 45
31:1845
31:19Thieving robbing bastards
31:21We wanted to investigate
31:23Yeah
31:23Come on let's set him up
31:25So we secured a property and rigged it with secret cameras
31:28Oh I love this
31:29A sting
31:30Is this the news?
31:32Yes
31:32It's quite a long news isn't it?
31:35Yeah
31:35But first we wanted to prove that this lock didn't need to be drilled
31:39We should be able to bypass this lock in seconds
31:43No damage
31:44By bypassing means break in
31:46Yeah
31:46And they're not going to show us how to do that because that would be a bad idea
31:52Is that how quick it is?
31:54Then we made the call
31:56We charge 40 pounds for a simple door opening
31:58Well then you'd snap their hand off at that wouldn't you?
32:0040 quid
32:01Sounds quite reasonable
32:02Yeah
32:02So to open it I'm going to have to drill the lock
32:04Oh
32:05Here we go
32:06You barely even examined it mate
32:08The price of drilling is 125 plus VAT
32:10He's just throwing prices at him
32:12No that's naughty
32:14But at this point when he's there going price of this 125 I'd say put your tool back in your
32:19van tiger
32:19Yeah
32:20And fuck off
32:22Butchery as villainous
32:2412
32:25There you go
32:26So there you go that's the lock ruined now
32:28314 plus the VAT
32:30376
32:31376
32:32Oh my god 376 pounds
32:34Where's Dominic Littlewood when you need him?
32:37You know he needs to be out there on the beat
32:39Yeah
32:39Do we go now?
32:40Yeah
32:42Oh
32:43Yeah
32:44I love wrongan's being caught
32:46Hello we're the BBC
32:49Why are you charging so much for this job?
32:51Why is it costing so much?
32:52Because they're my corn man
32:54I know
32:55Next question
32:57We email the company for further comment
32:59They've yet to respond and their website has been taken down
33:02Oh there's a surprise
33:03Yeah but it's probably been set up under another name
33:06Yeah yeah yeah
33:07You know at least Dominic Littlewood would get stuck in
33:09Oh he'd have booted
33:10He'd have fucking kicked the wing wearer off or something
33:12At least
33:22In Blackpool
33:23Hey Soph
33:24Treat myself to a new suit
33:25Oh very nice
33:27Hi
33:27Yeah
33:27It was awkward actually
33:30Because we were just chatting to the lads that were there
33:32Who you know whose shop it is
33:34Chris's shop
33:35Pete and his little sister Sophie
33:38Because we were chatting and that
33:39I didn't want to get changed in the dressing room
33:41Because I thought it were rude
33:42So I just got changed in the shop
33:46And next thing this dude's walked in
33:48And all I've got on is my undies and a smile
33:51I don't think that's right
33:52Well nobody seemed to mind
33:54That was the thing
33:55But it just felt a bit awkward
33:57Are you sure those men even work there?
33:59Well I would hope so
34:03You know
34:05Isn't it a curtain as well
34:06So even if you were chatting
34:07You could just chat through the curtain
34:09I know but I like to make eye contact
34:11When I'm speaking to people
34:12I bet the people that worked in the shop
34:15When you dropped your trousers
34:16They were thinking
34:17What a lad
34:18What is happening?
34:20What?
34:21This week it was the return of the raciest Regency drama on Netflix
34:26Oh I'm buzzing Bridgerton's back on
34:28I've been listening to mucky books lately
34:31Haven't you you dirty bitch?
34:36See if we get some naughty bits
34:38Is that what you're watching it for?
34:40No it's educational
34:44Is everything well mum?
34:46Oh everything is perfect
34:47It should be perfect
34:49It would be perfect
34:50Where is Benedict?
34:51Who's Benedict?
34:52That's her other son
34:54If he guesses where he is
34:55Probably shagging
34:56Liar
34:56Yeah
35:00Oh
35:01Oh
35:01That butler knows exactly where Benedict is
35:04Exactly
35:05Yeah
35:07Please fetch my carriage
35:09Uh oh
35:10Is she gonna go and find him?
35:16That is a mother with purpose
35:17Oh she's on a mission there isn't she?
35:19Oh
35:20I've seen that walk before
35:21From your mother?
35:22Yeah
35:23Move
35:25Here we go
35:26What's she gonna find?
35:29Oh my gosh
35:31What she walked in on?
35:33I don't know
35:34It's a shittle
35:35It's a shittle
35:37Benedict Bridgerton
35:38Oh my word
35:40Woo
35:42It was best she just stayed out of the room
35:44Yeah what was she expecting?
35:45Draw back the curtains
35:46It is time for my son to wake up
35:47No no no please please do not
35:49Oh
35:50Oh
35:52Oh there's another one
35:53Oh there's another one
35:55He's had an orgy in there she'll
35:56Fancy being caught by your mother like that
35:58There's always a black sheep in the family isn't there?
36:07Oh
36:07Who's that James?
36:08I don't know
36:08I've not seen this one before
36:10Who is she?
36:11What are you asking me for?
36:12Like I know
36:13I can do this
36:14I can do this
36:15She looks as if she's nervous
36:17I don't think she's used to this sort of thing
36:19She's not giving swanky Bridgerton do is she?
36:21There is a large group arriving
36:23Just conceal yourself behind her
36:26You'll just be out by midnight
36:28Oh
36:28Cinderella
36:29Look at Cinderella
36:30Look at Cinderella
36:31Oh God
36:32Out by midnight
36:33Was she going to leave her gloss slipper?
36:36Good evening ladies
36:39Here he is
36:40The man of the hour
36:41Old Benedict
36:42Oh he's such a ladies man
36:44Mr Bridgerton
36:45Mr Bridgerton
36:46Over here
36:50Hello
36:51Oh look who he's spotted
36:53The unknown
36:54That glance across a crowded room, Michelle
36:56I know
36:57Pardon me young lady
36:59Could I trouble you for the next dance?
37:01Oh no
37:02Mr Chance Benedict
37:04Oh
37:05That is
37:06Unlucky
37:07Oh he's in
37:08Like Flynn
37:09Never seen him move so quick in my life
37:11Forgive me for interrupting
37:12Forgive me for interrupting
37:12I have just found this young lady's dance card
37:14But unfortunately my name is next
37:17Nooo
37:20Nooo
37:20Bingo
37:21Smooth movie
37:22Oh I am not looking for a husband
37:25You are not
37:26Oh no she's talking his language
37:28That's going to change his world
37:30Yeah
37:31He's like
37:32She's the woman for me
37:35Excuse me
37:36I meant to be somewhere
37:37Where is she going?
37:38Is it midnight already?
37:40I can't
37:40She just got there
37:41Have you lost your chakra?
37:42No
37:42Is it that we've met?
37:43No I cannot dance
37:45She can't dance
37:46Because she's not a lady
37:47Oh she's common as muck Jenny
37:49She's common as muck
37:50A lady who cannot dance
37:55Huh
37:56He's mind blown
37:57Yeah he's like
37:58Tick
37:59She's unladylike
38:01Tick
38:02She don't want a husband
38:03That's her own marriage
38:03Tick
38:04Later in the garden
38:06We saw Benedict showing the mystery woman a few moves
38:10Two
38:10Three
38:11One
38:12Two
38:13How gorgeous
38:14It's been really sweet and romantic with her
38:21What's he doing?
38:24He was taking her glove off
38:26What for?
38:31What's happening?
38:32Why is he smelling her?
38:36He's infatuated
38:37My guy said I want to
38:38I want to get a good smell of this
38:44Oh she's got to go
38:46Is it 12 o'clock yet?
38:47Oh the charms
38:50Oh
38:51Oh here we go
38:52Oh
38:53That's very forward isn't it Natty?
38:58Wait
38:59She said you ain't gonna forget me boy
39:02Mm-hmm
39:03Who is this mystery woman?
39:04I'm dying to know
39:10Oh come and take it off
39:11Tell us who you are
39:12We're gonna get to see her face now
39:17Oh
39:18She's one of the maids
39:19She's a frickin maid
39:24Oh Jane
39:25Mmm
39:27This is forbidden love
39:28That were quite tame for Bridgerton
39:30That's just getting us warmed up that
39:33It's not even started yet
39:34Just getting the juices flowing yeah
39:38Yeah
39:39In home
39:39Hey do you know
39:40The listening you know
39:42On these phones
39:42I know they don't
39:44Do you know something yesterday
39:45I was talking about potato waffles
39:48Oh yeah
39:48Then I went on
39:50And potato waffles started coming on my phone
39:52You're joking
39:53No I swear
39:54Best friends Jenny and Lee
39:57I did that with the barbecue
39:58What?
40:00Because we were talking about getting a barbecue
40:01And then the next minute
40:03I was sat
40:04It come up on my phone
40:05So they hear what you're saying
40:09The next time I was sat there I said
40:11I want a six foot man
40:12Unk
40:13Like that
40:13Send me some of them
40:16And it's not arrived
40:18No I'm still waiting for it
40:23I need to talk to them more often don't I
40:25Yeah
40:26Six foot two
40:26Six foot two
40:27Yeah six foot two
40:28Dark hair
40:29Don't want blonde
40:30Dark hair
40:32See what pops up
40:34It'll be race done on his chair
40:39On Monday night
40:41Alan Carr was on the hunt for closet clever clogs on channel 4
40:45I've done like you just
40:46Yeah
40:47I did pretty well
40:48I got like 120 or something
40:50I got 121 I think
40:52You're a liar
40:53No I'm not a liar
40:54You just picked one higher than me
40:55No
40:55I didn't do it
40:57I swear
40:59I'm sure it was 121
41:01Across the UK
41:02There are estimated to be a million undiscovered geniuses
41:07Oh
41:07I wonder if I'm one of them
41:09You could be a genius and not realise
41:11Yeah
41:13That's probably me
41:15That's me all over
41:18When I were a kid
41:19I used to know
41:20Everybody's ready to play on a state where I lived
41:22Oh Michelle knows that
41:23She's a coppe
41:24Each week
41:2512 people
41:27From different corners of the UK
41:29Complete the number sequence
41:32Have been invited to genius HQ
41:35Okay
41:36Genius HQ
41:37I'd love to go to genius HQ
41:39Yeah we're going to send you in darling
41:41We're going to sign you up for this
41:42Get me in there
41:43Here they'll compete in a series of mind stretching games
41:47Where do we begin?
41:48Designed with Mensa
41:49Oh
41:50Mensa
41:51I've heard of Mensa
41:52The Society for the World's Smartest People
41:55I was told I wouldn't go far in life
41:57That's nasty
41:59And I
41:59Who are these horrible people that taught you please?
42:02Honestly
42:02Horrible bastards
42:03Fuck yous all
42:04This is what I was told
42:06And you know what actually I wish I could say to them now
42:09Hello I work in the cheese factory
42:15I'm proper smart me
42:16I would be intrigued to know what my IQ was
42:21But would I?
42:23Because if it's really low
42:25I don't want to know
42:26Better off not knowing
42:27Better off not knowing
42:28Better off burying your head in the sand
42:3027 year old Jess is the first player to face the final round
42:34Come on Jess
42:35Oh Jess is a real smart cookie
42:38Yeah
42:38Let's see how she does with this one
42:40Okay
42:40Right
42:43Memorize the details of this stack of Turkish delight
42:46Oh I love Turkish delight
42:48Turkish dish yites more like
42:49I want to eat that
42:50When you are ready you must move on to the next room
42:52Your first question can be found on the jar
42:57I think I'll be looking at the colours
42:59You know
43:00How they run the sequence
43:01I just want to eat the Turkish delight
43:03Select the jar that displays the number of cubes in the Turkish delight tower
43:07How would you know that?
43:08How would you count them all then?
43:09This is about spatial reasoning
43:11Right no
43:11Lost me
43:12How the bloody hell would you know that?
43:14I'll tell you what it's quite half this self
43:16It is
43:17It is
43:18I got a general vibe that it was definitely over a hundred
43:21What?
43:22I'm going to go one six two
43:24Like twelve times twelve
43:25Yeah but there's no reasoning behind it
43:27Well
43:28I got so far and I'm thinking yeah there's a lot of Turkish delight there
43:34I didn't think that would make sense for how the hell
43:36I should go this way
43:39Correct
43:39No way
43:41Bloody hell
43:42Damn she's quick
43:44Well I won far out
43:45One hundred and sixty two
43:47So that's not bad
43:48Containers choices of jam elderflower
43:51Right let's try the next one
43:52J-j-jelly
43:54Ooh jelly
43:55Very good
43:56We're looking for a verbal secret
43:58Jelly what?
43:59Jelly beans
43:59Jelly
44:00Jelly
44:01What?
44:02Jelly
44:03Jelly
44:04Ooh
44:06Warm
44:07Jelly
44:08Jelly
44:08Jelly
44:08The seven
44:11What's that?
44:12Seven becomes an L?
44:15Oh that's L
44:16It's like an L
44:21Oh L
44:22Lemon
44:23Lemon
44:24Lemon plop
44:26It is lemon plop
44:28Is it?
44:30Lemon drop isn't it?
44:31Drop
44:32Lemon drop
44:32Lemon drop
44:33I like that
44:35Huh?
44:36Lemon drop
44:37Not lemon plop
44:38It's lemon drop
44:39What am I?
44:41What am I?
44:42What am I?
44:43Squirrel
44:43Squirrel minus question
44:45Okay
44:47Have you got it?
44:48No
44:48Is it word word and then you have to add the O I C to make a new word?
44:54That is the trickiest question
44:56Oh look at the sweets
44:57How can there be an answer out of this?
44:59Is it licorice?
45:04It's not licorice there's no
45:06There's no H
45:07There's no H
45:08There's no H in licorice you dickhead
45:10Yeah licorice
45:13LIQUORISH
45:14LIQUORISH
45:14Jess
45:15Wow
45:17LIQUORISH
45:18Well what's licorice got to do with Squirrel?
45:21Well done
45:22Well done
45:23That was amazing for that whole reasoning
45:24Well done Jess
45:25She was amazing
45:26I can't believe it
45:28I actually can't believe I've done it
45:30That's I'm impressed there
45:32I'll give you that
45:33I'm smart
45:35I'm not
45:36Listen
45:36Remember the paddling pool?
45:42Do you remember the paddling pool?
45:43Yeah
45:44And it said fill it with water
45:48Yeah?
45:49You filled the bit you brought with air with water
45:55And then we couldn't get it up because the other inflatable bit was full of water
45:59Do you remember that Sean?
46:02Yeah
46:02And you're telling us you're a fucking secret genius
46:18Well if you want to see more of secret genius and maybe find out if you are one too
46:23Alan and Susie will be here Sunday at 9
46:25Well next up tonight the last leg is looking sharp
46:28Although there is probably more to do with guests Grayson Perry and Judy Love than Adam, Alex and Josh to
46:34be fair
46:35Stay with us
46:38Just a perfect world
46:40Perfect world