- 2 days ago
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MotorTranscript
00:00Okay, take one, pass it on.
00:10What's this?
00:13Hear ye, hear ye?
00:15This is a little excessive.
00:17Well, they only turn one once, and we are doing a whole princess theme.
00:20It's gender neutral, of course.
00:22You have a registry?
00:23Well, you guys know how it is.
00:25I mean, we keep on getting the same gifts.
00:27I mean, how many goodnight moons can one child own?
00:30Well, this way I can let you know exactly what baby Mabel needs.
00:33She's gonna need years of therapy.
00:36Well, I think it's really cute, Alicia.
00:39Thank you, Jenny.
00:41You know, I was sort of hoping that this party could help bridge the gap between all of us.
00:46Beautiful.
00:47I was actually a princess for Halloween a couple years ago.
00:50Of course you were.
00:51Just because I like to femme it up doesn't mean that I'm not strong.
00:54I don't know.
00:54In my line of work, if you dress up girly, you are asking to be treated differently.
00:58So, what's wrong with that?
00:59I like to be treated differently.
01:01No, you don't.
01:01It drives you crazy.
01:02Kate, I feel like you're projecting.
01:04I'm not.
01:05And back me up.
01:06I'm not projecting.
01:06Mmm, you might be projecting.
01:08But she's being super annoying.
01:10No question.
01:11Seriously?
01:11How has playing the card ever helped?
01:13What card?
01:14You know the card.
01:15We've all played the card.
01:16Val's played the card.
01:17Yeah, you know, the helpless girl card.
01:20You ever play Dom to get a guy to do some work for you?
01:21Or pretend that you don't know how to do your taxes.
01:24Or, like, fake an orgasm because you medically can't.
01:27And you're sick of, of explaining it.
01:30So, uh, you know, not everyone can come.
01:39Okay.
01:40So, we have covered a lot of really important topics here today.
01:44I think I'm going to go ahead and call it.
01:46Yep.
01:46Yeah.
01:47All right.
01:47Okay.
01:52Yeah!
01:56Okay, so, Mom, this list covers all contact you'll need in an emergency situation with Charlie.
02:02Really?
02:03Look, there's his pediatrician, his dentist, emergency room, which is a good one, right?
02:08And, uh, fire department.
02:09What circumstance would constitute calling the fire department?
02:13Well, obviously, if he's on fire.
02:14Of course.
02:15Kate, you act like I never raised you and your sister.
02:17You turned out fairly decently.
02:20Mm-hmm.
02:21So, this bad boy covers anything from your standard candle falling over to a full-on grease fire.
02:26Good morning.
02:27Kate, good morning.
02:27Thanks for watching, Charlie.
02:29It's what I live for.
02:31Besides, I didn't like that, Rebecca.
02:32Her face was off.
02:35Anyway, Mom, here is Charlie's schedule.
02:37I also have it printed on his bedroom door.
02:39Just so you can...
02:40And if you miss those, there's about 20 more around the house.
02:42Okay.
02:42Enough.
02:43Both of you go.
02:44I've got this.
02:45Thank you, Eleanor.
02:46And you're okay watching Ollie, right?
02:47Who's Ollie?
02:48My dog mom of 16 years.
02:50Oh, of course.
02:52Him.
02:54He won't bite the baby, will he?
02:56Of course not.
02:56They're brothers.
02:57I just don't think dogs should be around children.
02:59Okay.
03:00We should go.
03:01Uh, thank you again, Eleanor.
03:03You're saving us.
03:05Thanks, Mom.
03:05Bye-bye.
03:06Bye, Charlie.
03:07Bye, buddy.
03:07Yeah, bye, Mom.
03:08Go.
03:08Let's go.
03:09Come on.
03:12Let's go.
03:14What shall we do?
03:16Let's go.
03:18Let's go.
03:18Let's go.
03:30Let's go.
03:42Let's go.
03:48Let's go.
03:53Let's go.
03:57Let's go.
03:59Let's go.
04:20Let's go.
04:23Let's go.
04:24Um.
04:25Why would you joke about that?
04:27This is a tech company, Jenny.
04:28I know.
04:29I was just messing around.
04:32Okay.
04:33Um, I gotta go, but sorry, just to be really clear, there's no virus that I need to worry
04:37about?
04:37No.
04:39No virus.
04:41It's nothing here, but a silly jokester.
04:50It's funny.
04:57What the hell was that?
04:59I don't know.
05:01Have you been out of the game that long?
05:02I thought I was being cute.
05:04That wrote like a drunk stewardess.
05:05That was mortifying.
05:07Not that you're even available, but why don't you just try being yourself?
05:11What if I don't know what that is?
05:13Well, maybe it's time you figure that out.
05:15Or I don't know, you could just focus on your marriage and your new baby.
05:21Jenny, in the future, protocol stipulates you shouldn't open emails for people that you don't recognize.
05:26Fuck off, Gary.
05:28Yeah.
05:29Yeah.
05:37So she said I sent it to her over the holidays.
05:41I would never send her a picture of my penis.
05:43I'm a talk show host, not a politician.
05:46Of course not, James.
05:47I mean, she'd be lucky to see my penis.
05:48She wishes she saw my penis.
05:50We all wish we saw your penis.
05:55Well, we all have seen your penis.
05:57Now, moving on, the good news is your face isn't in the pic, so it could be anyone's dick.
06:02Kate, let me.
06:03What?
06:03It's obviously his dick.
06:04It's a fine dick.
06:05It's an amazing dick.
06:07But what I'm seeing is that this doesn't necessarily read as yours.
06:11I mean, this woman has no proof.
06:12I literally just said that.
06:13No proof that it's your dick.
06:14Kate, if you don't mind, I'd like to know what Mo has to say.
06:17So what you're saying is, if I tell people it's not me, people will buy that one?
06:21Yes.
06:21Now, are there any other images of you two out there that could prove you're romantically linked?
06:25No.
06:25I was very discreet.
06:27Are you sure?
06:27Because you never know.
06:28Someone may have snapped a pic of you guys together somewhere.
06:30Jesus, lady.
06:31I just said I was discreet.
06:32What, have you got tampons in your ears?
06:34Excuse me?
06:35Relax.
06:36It's a joke.
06:38You're going to be fine, James.
06:40We'll put together a statement for you to review.
06:42Good.
06:43Thank you, Mo.
06:44Of course.
06:44May I speak?
06:47Now, I want you to lay low until we make a statement.
06:49Do you understand?
06:50Yes.
06:51I'm not a child.
06:54Could have fooled me with the size of that dick.
06:55Well, take care of it, James.
06:56You just do your thing.
06:59He's gone.
07:00Good job.
07:04I guarantee you, there are pics of that guy and that girl making out in some club somewhere.
07:08Okay, he isn't the easiest client, but he is the client.
07:10And biting your tongue every once in a while empowers them to reveal more.
07:13And also, part of this job is being likable.
07:16I'm sorry.
07:17I am likable.
07:18I'm super fucking likable.
07:19Yeah, you are.
07:20So bring it.
07:21We'll get more work done that way.
07:24You're going to be giving advice to the competition?
07:26How is that advice?
07:34It was my mother's dress.
07:36See?
07:37Slutty is hereditary.
07:39Ann?
07:41Ann?
07:41No way.
07:41You are not slutty.
07:42You were just festive.
07:45Are you kidding me?
07:46My nine-year-old is highly provocative, and my baby is already showing clear signs of sexual
07:51aggression.
07:52At bath time, she pushes her privates towards the running faucet.
07:55Stop it.
07:56Mm-hmm.
07:57Stop it.
07:58She does.
07:59Well, it's a great trick.
07:59She's a sexual prodigy, if you ask me.
08:01No, I'm shutting it down.
08:02I'm turning my house into a nunnery.
08:04Come on.
08:04That's not you.
08:05Don't you remember every wild girl we went to school with?
08:07They all had one thing in common.
08:09Strict parents.
08:11See, you don't get it, because you have a boy.
08:13You're not worried about him being penetrated.
08:15Whoa.
08:15Sure is out on that, okay?
08:16If he wants to be penetrated one day, who am I to get in the way?
08:19More wine?
08:21You're a bad influence.
08:24So how does one raise normal human females?
08:26Well, it's controversial, but you could try talking to them.
08:29I don't want to.
08:30I just want her to feel shame, you know?
08:32Deep shame.
08:34Tell you what.
08:34If you don't have to talk to your daughters about sexuality, nightmare, then I don't have
08:39to wear a princess dress to an infant's birthday party.
08:43I can't eat all this.
08:45No shit.
08:46You ordered an entire rotisserie chicken.
08:52Mummy just had a cold night.
08:57Mummy just had a cold night.
09:00Ah.
09:01Ah.
09:09Frankie!
09:12Frankie, what the hell?
09:14What's happening?
09:15I wasn't asleep.
09:15Really?
09:16I didn't just walk in on our baby, nearly floating as long.
09:19Thank God she sat up.
09:22That's great! She's sitting up on her own!
09:25Don't. Don't try and flip this.
09:27Flip what? She's ahead of the curve, man.
09:30We gotta celebrate.
09:31I'm gonna bust out that fondue pot.
09:35You've been in a real dark place.
09:37No, I've just been really tired.
09:38Honestly, honestly, just the water just felt so good and warm,
09:42and I just... that's all.
09:45I don't know how to help you.
09:46You've been distant and weird, Elle.
09:49This can't happen again.
09:51I want you to call that angry girl from your group.
09:54Angry girl?
09:55The therapist.
09:56Could probably give you a good rate since you're friends.
09:59Anne?
10:00I don't think he likes me.
10:02Besides, it's totally crossing a boundary.
10:03You just passed out with our daughter in the tub.
10:05Boundary crossed.
10:07Besides, it'd be nice if something useful came out of that group.
10:09That group is really useful to me.
10:12Not to mention it's the premium feeder
10:13into the school of your choice.
10:17And I don't have a lot of friends that I connect with outside of the house.
10:23Look, I'm happy that you're working.
10:26I'm happy that you have a group to connect to outside of me and Rhoda.
10:31But you must start therapy.
10:33I can't do all this alone.
10:43Oh, come on, Mom. Come on.
10:47Hi, Mommy.
10:48Oh, hi. Look at you two.
10:50Oh, this is so sweet.
10:52Yes, he finally woke up.
10:54Wait, what do you mean? It's four o'clock.
10:56This little boy was tired.
10:59So you let him sleep for five hours?
11:01Look, I know it's not exactly what you typed up on your itinerary,
11:04but you can't control everything.
11:06He was tired. I was tired.
11:09What is that? Is that Ollie?
11:11I had to put him in the garage.
11:12He was being very aggressive towards me.
11:14So you locked him away in the garage?
11:16If you see, there you go again.
11:18Why do you have to be so bossy?
11:24So?
11:32That's a, uh...
11:34It's a nice painting.
11:38It's supposed to be a...
11:40a leopard.
11:41Yeah.
11:42As much as I'd like to sit here and discuss my daughter's shitty art,
11:46you called me.
11:48So...
11:49what's going on?
11:51Oh, you know how it is.
11:53You know, Giselle wants me to talk to you,
11:54so I don't do anything crazy.
11:57Crazy?
11:58Yeah, like...
11:59hurt myself or the kid or...
12:02you know.
12:02That would be bad.
12:04Do you think about hurting yourself?
12:06Not, like, in an intentional way.
12:08I just...
12:09I don't know.
12:09I just like to...
12:11I just like to check out sometimes, you know?
12:12It feels good.
12:13Yeah. Sure, I get that.
12:14You know, like...
12:15When you're sitting on an airplane, right?
12:17And you just imagine it flying into a mountaintop.
12:20Just like...
12:28Right?
12:30So let's explore that.
12:31A little.
12:32Okay.
12:32I don't know.
12:34You're like kind of a friend and...
12:36I don't know, it just seems a little personal.
12:37Okay.
12:38How about this?
12:40Close your eyes just for a second.
12:43Seriously.
12:44Trust me, just for this session, if it feels good, let go and talk.
12:48And if you hate it, we'll never do it again.
13:01What's it feel like on that plane?
13:03Looking out the window.
13:05White noise blasting all around.
13:08Numbing me.
13:10What's this?
13:11It's an ice-covered mountain range at 11 o'clock.
13:14Captain panics.
13:15Boom.
13:16Drops those oxygen masks.
13:17Let's pause here for a second.
13:20I want you to get into your body.
13:23And speak with your heart, not your head.
13:27What are you feeling?
13:38Something's warm in my hand.
13:41And kind of clammy.
13:45It's my daughter's hand.
13:48Oh.
13:50She's looking at me with so much love.
13:55Keep going.
13:57Oh God, she needs me.
14:00She needs me to be really strong.
14:03Mom, can I go to Tyler's house?
14:05Alice, I am in a session.
14:08But I thought she was your friend.
14:09What are you wearing?
14:11I don't even recognize you right now.
14:12What?
14:13It's a fresh outfit.
14:15Who's Tyler?
14:16He's the guy in my class.
14:17We're just gonna play Xbox together.
14:18And that requires dressing like Ariana Grande?
14:20What is your problem?
14:21What is your problem?
14:22You think you can dress and act like this in front of boys?
14:24You're gonna end up pregnant or dead.
14:26Okay, Anne, I don't know.
14:27That seems a little harsh.
14:29She's just a sweet little girl.
14:30Frankie, this sweet little girl is really a tiny emotional terrorist just waiting to get a rise out of me.
14:35Gotcha.
14:36Well, you're a bad mom.
14:38And I'm going to kill myself if I don't get to go to Tyler's house right now.
14:42Holy shit.
14:42Frank, listen up, Alice.
14:44I am an adult.
14:45I pay taxes and do laundry and watch you do ballet.
14:48You are just a child who doesn't understand how dumb she's being right now.
14:51So take that headband off your chest and go and do your homework.
14:55But mom!
14:55You keep this up, I may never let you go back to school again.
14:58But how would I learn?
14:59I don't know.
14:59Sounds pretty risky, doesn't it?
15:01Now go to your room before I ruin your entire future.
15:12Wowzers.
15:13Some pretty hardcore parenting.
15:16How old's Rhoda?
15:17Uh, nine months.
15:20Yeah, call me in eight years.
15:22Look, I'm gonna have to put a pin in this.
15:25What you're going through?
15:27Totally normal.
15:28I'm gonna go ahead and write you a prescription.
15:31You cool with that?
15:32Yeah.
15:34Let's do this.
15:49Well, I think you're right.
15:50He took down the formula.
15:52I think he actually preferred it to my breast milk.
15:55Not a chance.
15:56Sometimes you only have time for fast food, but it gets the job done.
15:59And look, he's not crying.
16:01Yeah, he seems happy.
16:06Hey, do you think I'm abrasive?
16:09Where'd you get that from?
16:11It's just some feedback I've been getting from work.
16:14Who the hell called you abrasive?
16:16Oh, it doesn't matter.
16:17I know I can be, you know, bullheaded.
16:20Okay.
16:21No, it's all right if you agree.
16:23I can be a drop bossy.
16:26Look, you're always on top of your shit.
16:29And you're amazing at taking care of all of us, but...
16:32Here we go.
16:34There's a side to you that most people don't get to see.
16:37My backside?
16:38Your soft side.
16:40When you're vulnerable, I've seen you achieve great things.
16:43And I'm not talking about weakness.
16:45I'm talking about letting your wall down a little bit.
16:47It's incredibly effective.
16:51And sexy.
16:53Okay.
16:55Okay, so how do you get that going?
16:57You know, like, how do you jump start vulnerability?
17:00Do you just, like, think of something cute?
17:03Like an unlikely animal friendship.
17:06Like a gator and a chick, right?
17:07I mean, that gator wants to eat that chick.
17:11We know that.
17:13But he doesn't.
17:14He practices self-restraint, right?
17:17Because they're friends.
17:19See?
17:20There it is.
17:22He doesn't.
17:24That's working for me.
17:30A princess always gives good cheer
17:34to all the people she, or he, is near.
17:42Curse each world and take your lead
17:47and always sneeze into your sleep.
17:52Evil queen.
17:53Nice.
17:54Where's Alice?
17:56Over there.
17:58What is she supposed to be with a jacket?
18:01On probation?
18:02Yeah.
18:03She got her hands on one of those sexy Halloween costumes.
18:06Took us ten outfit changes.
18:07But here we are.
18:09Man, she is going to kill you.
18:11If I don't kill her first.
18:13Ooh, tiara.
18:15Yeah, I'm trying something out.
18:17I like it.
18:18Thanks.
18:19Hey!
18:21What the hell is this?
18:22What?
18:23I felt like wearing a suit.
18:24You look like you're running for mayor.
18:26In a porn.
18:27Will you shut up?
18:29I've got a lot more to me than you guys think.
18:31What?
18:31You know what?
18:32Good for you.
18:32That's great.
18:33I am trying to instill some of that discipline in my daughter right now.
18:37Right, Alice?
18:38And just like that, somebody is not getting birthday cake.
18:41Come on!
18:44So help me.
18:45I'm going to build the next Maria Shriver out of her.
18:47I believe in you.
18:48The royal cake is served.
18:53Just because we're dressed up as princesses, doesn't mean the darkness isn't closing in.
19:01Whoa.
19:02Okay, okay.
19:02Mommy!
19:03Your friend's going to fall!
19:05Jesus.
19:05Oh, shit.
19:07Oh, my God.
19:09Oh, hey, Kate.
19:10Hey, Frankie, I want you to hold on real tight to that thing, okay?
19:13These bras drive me fucking crazy.
19:15Hey, Frankie.
19:15You know, you don't need to worry about me anymore, okay?
19:17I'm good.
19:19And prescribe me some candies.
19:20Hey, Annie!
19:22Okay, Frankie, I don't want you to move, okay?
19:23Okay!
19:24You sound like my mother.
19:25You're not the boss of me, okay?
19:27I'm in charge.
19:28Yeah!
19:29What the hell?
19:30Frankie?
19:31What's happening?
19:32Listen to me, listen to me.
19:32You have to keep it together, okay?
19:34Okay, Frankie, listen to me, okay?
19:36I know you're scared, alright?
19:37I'm scared.
19:38I don't know what I'm doing half the damn time.
19:40What?
19:40You always got your shit together, man.
19:41You're like a cop.
19:42I know.
19:43It looks like that.
19:44It doesn't feel like that.
19:45I don't know.
19:46It feels like I'm faking it.
19:47I get that.
19:49Frankie, what are you doing, baby?
19:51I just...
19:51Please don't cry, okay?
19:52I just...
19:54Hey!
19:55Hey!
19:55Frankie!
19:57Oh!
19:58Oh, God.
20:00Oh!
20:22Things got pretty real pretty quick.
20:26Sorry about the whole tree thing.
20:29Pretty sensitive to meds.
20:31Yeah, you could have mentioned that.
20:33I put it all together.
20:34I hope that's okay.
20:36I got this.
20:38I'm not paying.
20:40Not a goddamn dime.
20:43No, wait.
20:44Seriously?
20:47Fem card.
20:48Nailed it.
20:50No!
20:52Not the phone card.
20:53Hi!
20:54Yes!
20:54I got it.
20:56Sorry about that.
21:05Oh, hand over hand.
21:11You are my Lord.
21:18Rest based on me.
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