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00:00In 1979, on a school skiing trip, P.E. teacher Tony Mammoth was engulfed by an avalanche.
00:08Perfectly preserved under the snow, he was found and miraculously brought back to life over 40 years later.
00:23Make it sparkle, please, boys.
00:29What are you doing? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:34Fist only. Shake hands afterwards.
00:37Mr Mammoth, glad I caught you.
00:39I just wondered if there was possibly an option for you to cover my lesson later.
00:44I've got a bit of an emergency at home and you're the only one with a free lesson?
00:52No. No.
00:59Cheers.
01:02There's bits in that.
01:06Cheers.
01:08Cheers.
01:08Cheers.
01:09Cheers.
01:09Cheers.
01:10Cheers.
01:12Cheers.
01:44Of course, paddle is a sport, Mammoth, plus the kids like it.
01:47And more importantly, the head of department, me, likes it.
01:51I think we should go to the equipment.
01:53Paddle.
01:53It's just tennis for fatties and old people.
01:56All the department needs is a new sand in the long jump pit.
02:00Hey, where are you going?
02:01Staff meeting?
02:02I've got an arrangement with Cowley.
02:04Everyone else goes to staff meetings, I work on my golf swing.
02:07Yeah, but Cowley's not here.
02:09What?
02:09He's been signed off.
02:11Stress.
02:12Stress?
02:12What's he going to be stressed about?
02:14Certain members of staff.
02:16Well, I'm Mr Evans, isn't it?
02:17I'll kill him.
02:18Yeah, Lee, I've brought in a short-term interim head.
02:21They've got a new bloke filling in.
02:24Good morning, team.
02:26My name's Mr Reynolds, but you can call me Gus.
02:29I've heard great things about the crack squad here at Nolan High School,
02:33and it is an honour to be driving this ship forward
02:36as Mr Cowley takes some much-needed rest time.
02:40Right.
02:41Shall we have a look at your department action plans?
02:43Oh, thank you.
02:44Mammoth?
02:45Sorry, Mr, um...
02:47Mammoth?
02:48Mr Mammoth.
02:49This is an all-staff meeting.
02:51We've got an arrangement with Cowley.
02:52Yeah, and that's great, but I'd really love it to be an all-staff meeting.
02:56Cheers, buddy.
02:58Buddy.
02:59Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say I'm really excited.
03:05I feel like we need a fresh change around here.
03:08The skipper had this place running like a well-oiled machine.
03:11Well, he didn't address any of my concerns about staff in my department.
03:15Now, now, team, I'm sure we're all pulling in the same direction, yes?
03:19Mr Mammoth, maybe you'd like to share the P department's action plan?
03:23Oh, here we go.
03:28The plan is...
03:31excellent P.E.
03:35Could you, uh, elaborate on that?
03:38Excellent physical education.
03:42Yes.
03:42Well, I think you might want to brush up on that a little bit, Mr Mammoth.
03:48Oh, God.
03:49Do you know what?
03:50I'm not putting up with this.
03:52You may think you've won the battle, mate,
03:54but you haven't won the war.
03:56Revolution starts today.
03:58Who's with me?
04:10Surprise!
04:11Oh, Pete, don't do that!
04:13Oh, my baby.
04:15My big, strapping, handsome 18-year-old.
04:18Feels like only yesterday I was kissing that face goodnight
04:20and tucking you in.
04:21You did do that yesterday.
04:22Now, we can't get the photographer today,
04:24but they're going to come tomorrow.
04:26Oh, Mum...
04:27What?
04:27It's tradition!
04:28You love our Mum and Son photo shoots.
04:32Do you open your present from your grandad?
04:35Yep.
04:36Oh.
04:37Well, I'd better go.
04:38I'm going to be late for school.
04:39School?
04:40On your birthday?
04:42Oh, I don't think so, Mr.
04:43I've already phoned him and said you got measles.
04:45High five!
04:46It's for it!
04:51Now, I know you said you didn't want me to arrange anything.
04:53Yeah, because I don't.
04:54But you can't not have a party on your 18th.
04:56What would you like to do more than anything in this world?
04:59Oh, there is actually a new manga exhibition.
05:03That's right.
05:04Hedge maze.
05:05I found this great one at a National Trust house.
05:07What's that?
05:08Has it got a tea room?
05:10Er, let me think.
05:11Only the best bloody tea room on TripAdvisor.
05:12I liked hedge mazes when I was a kid.
05:15I'm not really into them anymore.
05:16Fine, okay.
05:17We'll cancel it if that's what you want.
05:19Yes, please.
05:20I'm lying.
05:21We're going.
05:22It's going to be great.
05:25People.
05:29I don't think that balance springs seen WD-40 since I was in short trousers.
05:34I think you've got your work cut out there, Peter.
05:36Could you have plenty of time on my hands, John?
05:42It's very therapeutic, though.
05:44God, I haven't done anything like this for years.
05:48I just feel a total sense of calm.
05:53Skipper!
05:58Mr. Mammoth, how did you find me?
06:00Mrs. C told me where you were.
06:01Not straight away.
06:03I told an important police matter,
06:04and you were facing some very serious allegations.
06:07What?
06:08I'm in the middle of something.
06:10What, playing with toys?
06:11What is this place?
06:13It's a share and repair group.
06:15People bring in broken things, and we fix them.
06:18This cannot pay you more than a headteacher salary.
06:21I'm not being paid.
06:23Well, they're taking advantage of you.
06:25You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
06:26Running up a sweatshop.
06:28No, it's just relaxing, mindful.
06:33Well, for Christ's sake, Peter.
06:35Meanwhile, some young bucks in your school taking your job.
06:38Great.
06:39They found someone.
06:40Oh, they found someone, right?
06:41Oh, you better believe it.
06:42Yeah, a right piece of work.
06:44The way he spoke to me, like I was shit on his shoes.
06:47I've seen power corrupt, but hoo-hoo, this Reynolds.
06:51He's something else.
06:54Miss Mansford.
06:55Mr Reynolds.
06:57Gus, please.
06:58Is that right for you, Lucy?
07:00I thought you might like a little flat white.
07:05You're a paddle enthusiast.
07:06Me too.
07:08Well, I was actually thinking of getting some paddle equipment for the school,
07:11and it's not in the curriculum.
07:13Curriculums are flexible.
07:15Lucy, I think that's a great idea.
07:16If you're passionate about something, I will back you.
07:19You get that equipment ordered.
07:21Even give you a little game, yeah?
07:24OK.
07:25Bye.
07:26I love you.
07:27I mean, thanks.
07:32We need you back, Skipper.
07:33But I've been signed off.
07:35Doctor says I need a break from work.
07:37Rubbish.
07:38Do you know how many head teachers I've worked under over the years
07:40that have had mental breakdowns?
07:42Hmm?
07:43All of them.
07:44I know a nutter when I see one, and you are not a nutter.
07:47I think people, myself included,
07:51find the word nutter extremely problematic.
07:54I've got no problem with it.
07:55It's very important for men to look after their mental health.
07:58Blokes don't have to talk about that sort of stuff, OK?
08:00Just bottle it up and get on with it.
08:02My dad never talked about his mental health, and he fought in the war.
08:06All right.
08:07He didn't like getting on boats, and didn't like loud noises.
08:11Had to keep him in the house on Guy Fawkes night with the dog.
08:15Sometimes we'd go on a bender for two or three weeks at a time.
08:20Never really spoke to me, mum, or my sister.
08:24Never once slept through a whole night.
08:28But you know what?
08:29He never once complained.
08:31Stiff upper lip.
08:33Now, I know what you need to de-stress.
08:38I'd really rather stay here, Tony.
08:41What's wrong with your wrinkles?
08:44They're antique-clock hands.
08:46Oh.
08:47Oh.
08:49That did it.
08:50Peter, why don't you and your friend finish up now and call it a day?
08:55Yeah, lovely.
08:56Cheers.
09:03Eighteen.
09:04Oh.
09:06Seems like only yesterday you were just little boys.
09:09Yeah.
09:10Might have things change.
09:11Can you believe I'm your boss?
09:13No, auntie, ma'am.
09:14Don't ruin it, Nathan.
09:17Written down a few words to mark the occasion.
09:19Is Mammoth coming?
09:20I'm only here because he said I had to be.
09:23Theo.
09:24Eighteen years ago.
09:27You were just a little tiny acorn.
09:31Look at you now.
09:33You have grown into a mighty oak.
09:37Thanks, Mum.
09:37Please stop.
09:38Yes.
09:40The mighty oak has a point.
09:42Sorry, there's...
09:44There's a lot of emotion going on right now.
09:47Come here, you.
09:49Oh.
09:51Now, we are going to have an amazing time.
09:57Rule for two more.
10:00Hello, sir.
10:02Hello, Theo.
10:03Many happy returns.
10:04Grandad, why have you brought my head teacher?
10:06I'm de-stressing him.
10:08Between us, he's had a massive mental breakdown.
10:11Gone a bit crack as if he didn't skip.
10:13Well, I think you know everyone here, Mr Cowley.
10:16Except Harry.
10:18He's a stripper.
10:19Oh, you found the place.
10:20Good lad.
10:21Why did you hire me a male stripper?
10:23That was all they had left.
10:24It was that or nothing.
10:26Nothing would have been fine.
10:27So, do you want me to strip now, or...?
10:29Oh, no, no.
10:30No stripping today, thank you.
10:32But do you want to join us in the hedge maze?
10:34Oh, sure.
10:35I mean, you paid for the hour.
10:37Might as well.
10:37So do you want me to strip in the maze, or...?
10:39No, keep your clothes on, Harry.
10:40I cannot stress that enough.
10:43It's the worst birthday ever.
10:45No, it's not.
10:47It's the best.
10:50Right, guys.
10:51First one to the middle is the champion!
10:53Come on!
10:57Sorry I didn't get you anything, Theo,
10:58but I didn't know I was going to be here until Mr Mammoth.
11:01Don't even worry about it.
11:02I get it.
11:02You can't smoke that in here.
11:04In where?
11:05Where outside?
11:06If you want my advice...
11:07If I wanted your advice,
11:08it'd be about being a bellend.
11:15Hey.
11:16Thunder out.
11:17Bit of fresh air.
11:19Be raring to get back to work.
11:21Kick that cook out of your nest.
11:22All right.
11:23Try it again.
11:26Hey!
11:27School trip's back on!
11:28Yeah!
11:29Come on!
11:32Let's go!
11:33Come on, kids!
11:38Oh, this is a dead end.
11:40And we got back.
11:41No.
11:42It is good.
11:43I need a break from Mum,
11:44and I see I swear she's getting worse.
11:45Do you want me to say something to her at work?
11:48I can make it official.
11:50Verbal warning.
11:52No, thanks.
11:55Oh, there he is!
11:56The birthday boy.
11:58Hi, Mum.
11:59How'd you find me?
12:00I'm your mum.
12:01I always know where you are.
12:02It's a little thing called Mother's Intuition.
12:04Uh, she put a tracking tile in your back pocket.
12:06Thanks a lot, Harry.
12:07Grass.
12:09OK.
12:10So now that we're all here together,
12:13let's focus on the maze.
12:15Which way, birthday boy?
12:16Don't care.
12:17Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
12:18Please, Mum.
12:18Catch your tiger by its tail.
12:20If we just get to the middle, we can go home.
12:21I can't...
12:22I just can't do this anymore!
12:25What's the matter with you?
12:27Is it drugs?
12:30County lines?
12:31If you're in a gang for you, so help me.
12:33I'm just fed up of you treating me like a child.
12:35Or I'm 18 years old,
12:36and I don't want you fussing over me anymore.
12:38I don't want to do the mother and son photo shoots.
12:40I hate hedge mazes!
12:42I'm going for a coffee.
12:50How am I supposed to get out of this place?
12:59Oh, we made it.
13:01Yay!
13:03Championes!
13:06What the hell is it?
13:15Oh!
13:19Found the middle, Skipper!
13:23I really don't think you should have chainsawed through the maze, Mr. Bammos.
13:26Bit late for that.
13:27What's wrong with you?
13:28Is it him?
13:30I've paid you to take your kit off, Harry.
13:31If she wants them off, they've got to come off.
13:33You can't be shy, pal.
13:35Not on your game.
13:36Come on.
13:47Hey! I made you a coffee and a keep cup to take to school.
13:51Right.
13:52I've got your name on it in case you lose it. I know what you're like.
13:56OK, so shall I see you at pick-up?
13:58Yes, I came home.
14:00What? You can't walk home, not with your shin splints.
14:02The doctor's told you I don't have shin splints.
14:06I think I know my son's body better than any GP.
14:08God, I can look after myself, you know?
14:14Brilliant. Just brilliant.
14:16Don't be down on yourself. Theo's a man now. Doesn't need you any more.
14:22Sooner you leave home, then you've done your job.
14:24You can just sit down there and wait to retire. Maybe get a cat.
14:29I'm allergic to cats.
14:30Well, a dog, then. Something.
14:31You'll need something to deal with the loneliness,
14:33cos you will be lonely when Theo goes.
14:35My friend Paul, when his kids left home, he, er...
14:38bought a pet tiger.
14:40Raised him from a cub.
14:41Went everywhere together.
14:43Absolutely inseparable, they were.
14:45Then in 1976, they changed the law,
14:47and he had to get it destroyed.
14:50Yeah.
14:51So that's that, then.
15:13Skipper in.
15:14Oh, hello again, Mr. Manmoth.
15:16Do you mean Peter?
15:17Everyone calls him, Skipper.
15:19Shouldn't you be teaching? It's Tuesday morning.
15:21Don't worry about it. I've got it covered.
15:23Cash your minds back.
15:24The summer of 1977.
15:26The premier football of his generation,
15:28Mr. George Best,
15:29and the premier PE teacher of his generation,
15:31me,
15:32walk into Soho's famous
15:33Raymond Revue Bar
15:35with a couple
15:36of absolute stunners.
15:39and I mean stunners.
15:41Well, I'm afraid he's gone fishing.
15:43He's been a bit tense since yesterday.
15:45Had a bit of a stressful day.
15:48Really?
15:49Something that's happened after I left.
15:52Just when I started to get him
15:53feeling like himself again,
15:54that's a shame.
15:56But don't you worry.
15:57Tony's going to look after him.
15:59Hell, have you married us
16:00and nutter, eh, Mrs. C?
16:02See you later.
16:35Oh, God.
16:58Ahoy, Skipper!
17:01Oh!
17:04Hey, hey!
17:07Tony?
17:08You're here?
17:09Of course I am.
17:11Hey,
17:11you don't need to thank me.
17:13Whoa!
17:15So, uh,
17:16what are you fishing for?
17:17Mullet, actually.
17:18Look, I don't want to sound ungrateful,
17:19but really I'm here for the solitude.
17:21You and me both.
17:23What can be better, eh?
17:24Two lucky lads out on the open lake
17:26doing a spot of fishing
17:27shouldn't have that brain of yours sorted.
17:29Then you can march back in that school
17:31with your head held high
17:31and kick that pretender
17:33out of your throne.
17:35God only knows what he's up to right now.
17:38Well,
17:39when I, uh,
17:41joined this, uh, school,
17:43I
17:45didn't think I would
17:47really be able to
17:49fit in.
17:54all of you held me
17:56tried to become
17:57the best version of myself.
17:59Oh, God.
18:07We need you back, Skipper.
18:10What use of a bait?
18:12Maggots.
18:13The man in the shop said
18:14they did the best for Mullet.
18:15Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.
18:16He saw you coming.
18:17They are rubbish.
18:19No, I've got just the thing.
18:21Now,
18:22if I remember correctly,
18:24the Mullet
18:24is a very, very easily
18:26distracted fish.
18:27You must get their attention.
18:28That is why
18:29I always bring
18:31one of these.
18:35Hey.
18:36Good sharp blast on that.
18:38Every couple of seconds,
18:38they'll be flying into your net.
18:40Get in the water.
18:49I'm sure it was
18:50catching Mullet.
18:52What a scare in bears.
19:02Oi.
19:03Sad case.
19:04How was your birthday party?
19:06I heard Cowley was there.
19:08Could you be any more tragic?
19:10You need to get a life,
19:11you wanker.
19:12Oi, Darren!
19:13If I wanted advice from you,
19:15it would be about
19:15being a bellend.
19:19What?
19:20Did you just say?
19:22Um.
19:24Oh, God.
19:25It's fine.
19:27Distraction!
19:31One minute,
19:32they're a baby
19:32in your arms.
19:34Next minute,
19:34they don't need you anymore.
19:37Have you got kids, Ashley?
19:39No.
19:40I'm 16.
19:41That's a shame.
19:43Mum!
19:44Help!
19:45No!
19:46Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi!
19:47What the bloody hell
19:48do you think you're doing?
19:49Get out of my way!
19:50I'm going to barter him.
19:51You should be ashamed
19:52of yourself, Darren Malone.
19:53I know who you are.
19:54I know your mum.
19:55She goes to my Zumba class.
19:57I recognise you
19:58from your trip to Disneyland.
20:00What are you talking about?
20:01Your mum shared a picture
20:02on the WhatsApp group.
20:03You were crying your little eyes out
20:05because there was wasps
20:06all over your ice cream.
20:08I mean,
20:09it'd be a shame
20:09if one of those pictures
20:10ended up on another
20:11WhatsApp group,
20:11wouldn't it?
20:13Like a year 13 one.
20:15I'm in your tent.
20:16Whatever.
20:16Ay-yi-yi!
20:18Don't mess with the Taekwondo,
20:20Darren.
20:21I did two weeks straight
20:22in 2022.
20:23I enjoyed it,
20:24but clashed with
20:25Theo's clarinet lessons,
20:26but...
20:28Since I said
20:29I was a natural.
20:31You're weird.
20:32You're weird.
20:34Bzzz!
20:37Oi!
20:38Everyone,
20:38into me!
20:43Thanks, mum.
20:44Oh,
20:45it's no biggie.
20:47So,
20:48do you
20:48want to go get
20:49a coffee together?
20:50No,
20:50can we just
20:51go home?
20:53Maybe then
20:53we can get that
20:54photo done together?
20:56No.
20:59Yes.
21:01I can't believe
21:02we didn't catch
21:03any fish.
21:04I caught a few.
21:05Before you started
21:06getting the mullet's
21:07attention.
21:08That's been on the
21:09lake for what,
21:09six hours?
21:10About that.
21:12Before the police
21:13turned up.
21:14Yeah.
21:14Anyway,
21:15my rope.
21:19It doesn't stop.
21:20There's no off switch.
21:22Roger,
21:22how do you do it?
21:24Roger?
21:27Sorry,
21:28what did you say?
21:29Mr. Mammoth.
21:30It's harder now
21:31than it was
21:32when I was at school.
21:33At least
21:34there he left
21:34at three.
21:35I didn't know
21:36what to do.
21:37How do you
21:37put up with him?
21:38It's harder
21:39in the past,
21:40but these days...
21:42Hearing aids?
21:43That's what
21:44Mammoth thinks,
21:44too.
21:45No,
21:46they're just
21:46faithful.
21:48Absolute
21:48godsend.
21:49I'm currently
21:50listening to a
21:51playlist called
21:53Relaxing Rainforest.
21:54I just want him
21:55to respectfully
21:57go away.
21:59Good luck
22:00with that.
22:01I had a good run.
22:04Forty years
22:05without him.
22:09But then
22:09I always knew
22:10he'd come back.
22:13Godspeed,
22:14Peter.
22:15Right,
22:15here we go.
22:17Now,
22:17Skipper,
22:18I've been thinking
22:19about your old
22:19back in the day,
22:22when me or one of the
22:23boys fell a bit down,
22:24needed to just
22:25perk our spirits up,
22:26maybe unwind,
22:26blow off some steam,
22:27we'd have a big
22:28weekend away.
22:29And I mean
22:29a big weekend away.
22:31We're talking
22:32Magaluf,
22:33Las Vegas,
22:34Tenby.
22:35But whatever it takes,
22:36Skipper.
22:50Whatever it takes,
22:52I'm going to be
22:53there for you.
22:53Tony Mammoth is
22:54going to be by
22:55your side.
22:56Like a shadow.
22:57Like a shadow that's
22:58there all the time,
22:59even in the night time.
23:00Like a moon shadow.
23:02But not the
23:02Cat Stevens.
23:03Oh God,
23:03I can't do this.
23:04Okay,
23:05okay,
23:05I'll come back
23:06to school.
23:07Please,
23:08leave me alone.
23:10Good man.
23:11Well done.
23:12Well done you.
23:12Well done us.
23:14What a team.
23:15What a team.
23:16Cheers.
23:25Now,
23:25I'm sure we're all
23:26grateful for the
23:27wonderful job
23:27Mr Reynolds has done,
23:29but I am returning
23:30full time
23:31as of today.
23:33Three cheers for the
23:34Skipper.
23:35Hip,
23:35hip.
23:38Thank you,
23:39Mr Mammoth.
23:42Now,
23:43there's some good news
23:44and some bad.
23:46I'm afraid I'm going to
23:47have to reverse a number
23:48of the projects
23:49undertaken in my absence,
23:52including returning
23:53the new paddle equipment.
23:54You've got to be kidding me.
23:55The good news,
23:56we have managed to find
23:58the resources
23:58to refresh
23:59the sand
24:01in the long jump
24:02pit.
24:05Any questions?
24:07No?
24:08Great.
24:09Welcome back,
24:10Skipper.
24:11Welcome back.
24:24Should I top up the car,
24:25sir?
24:26Cheers,
24:26babe.
24:26Yes, sir.
24:28Can't I just
24:28practice my long jump,
24:30sir?
24:30Obviously not,
24:32because when the sun's out,
24:33just run about,
24:33remember?
24:35Cheers.
24:36Whatever happened
24:37to the point next door
24:39to some damn crew
24:40cut all American mail
24:42Remember,
24:44remember,
24:44remember,
24:44like,
24:45well,
24:46oh,
24:46Skipper!
24:47Don't want to think
24:48about sports day.
24:49Think we need to bring back
24:50metal javelins.
24:51I'm not going to break
24:52any records
24:53with phone ones.
25:07Great.
25:09Great.
25:09Great.
25:09Beach, baby,
25:10beach, baby,
25:11give me your hand,
25:12give me something
25:13that I can remember
25:16Just like before
25:17we could walk
25:18by the shore
25:19in the moonlight
25:23Beach, baby,
25:24beach, baby,
25:25there on the sand
25:26from July
25:27to the end
25:28of September
25:30It's our most fun
25:31with the island
25:32and the sun
25:33every day
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