- 16 hours ago
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00:00:00You
00:00:21So I'm not a big believer in blind date me neither and even though work colleagues swore
00:00:26I'd like her my sister promised. I'd like him still we were skeptical that is until I saw her
00:00:38I'm so attracted to you something just clicked we started talking and we couldn't stop talking the whole night
00:00:45close down the restaurant then we went and got drinks and then he's such a gentleman he walked me home
00:00:49Well almost right because on this dark street these two huge thugs with brass knuckles and nunchucks
00:00:57And really bad skin
00:00:59They grabbed me said that they wanted our money and we're going to rape me. We want your money and we're going to rape you
00:01:04It was horrible. Well, they could have been right if Barry hadn't bowed to protect New York City streets since being orphaned as a boy
00:01:12Yeah, I'm the trust funded Avenger is he ever very learned high stick fighting on the rough streets of princeton
00:01:18He was so calm and strong. I had never seen a throwing star lucky for them. I was with a beautiful lady
00:01:24Otherwise, I wouldn't have been so nice. Yeah
00:01:28And I've seen the almost tender way he vanquished those ruffians. I am quite compassionate
00:01:33I knew right then it was time time for me to take her virginity
00:01:38I thought I would be scared but thankfully prior to me barry had made love to more than 80 women
00:01:4483 which is a lot. I felt like I was made of light a sexual firefly or something hot throbbing
00:01:52That is just a climaxes again and again and again
00:01:57And the next morning after we won 38 million playing nickel slots
00:02:01Started traveling the world and haven't stopped since
00:02:04But Charlie that's us yo, what about you? I haven't seen you since I don't know high school
00:02:11What's going on? Tell us about your lucky lady. You've got one of those, right? Yeah, what's going on with you?
00:02:21Ever notice that when you're not in a relationship everyone else is in a ridiculously happy one
00:02:26Seriously
00:02:29Unbelievable
00:02:32I mean this guy these two
00:02:35It's not like this shit ever works out for me
00:02:40Charlie, I've called you 10 times a day for the past two weeks
00:02:44She doesn't like you dude
00:02:46Now help me find this boom line before your mom makes us do geometry
00:02:50I mean was it my fault? Who puts a heart around no if she doesn't mean yes? Come on
00:02:55And college was even worse
00:02:57All I'm saying is next time don't leave me there by myself while you go talk to frack guys all night, okay?
00:03:02Charlie, you're the one who told me to go flirt for free beer, remember?
00:03:05Yeah, well, you didn't have to like it so much
00:03:07Charlie
00:03:13So that's how to avoid failing the final exam
00:03:17Christ you name the relationship i'll tell you where it went wrong
00:03:27That dog was such a buzzkill let's just say we're both happy it ended like how all my relationships ended happy
00:03:35Well until angela
00:03:37You have got to be kidding me
00:03:39Angela i'm sorry that i woke you up you used to like middle of the night sex
00:03:44I mean you are white hot
00:03:46Basically naked in my bed you practically groped me with my knee while sleeping
00:03:54Shit do you see it anywhere
00:03:58Hey
00:04:00It's gonna be all right, okay?
00:04:02I told you to shut that window blood sucking mosquitoes never gonna let me sleep
00:04:08You're already really nervous for my meeting
00:04:10Hey, honey honey honey
00:04:13Listen
00:04:14You know tomorrow's gonna go great
00:04:17And i promise you
00:04:18Even if i have to stay up all night to do it you you can sleep the entire time
00:04:24That mosquito's teeny tiny little life will end
00:04:28And ever since angela and i broke up i just can't stop thinking don't just kill it torture it pump it for information find out where those
00:04:35Insect sleeper cells live i'm gonna waterboard the shit out of that mosquito good
00:04:40And i don't care what the mainstream liberal media has to say about it
00:04:46Oh
00:04:49Oh fucker deserves it
00:04:55I love you
00:04:56You promise that mosquito dies after
00:05:10A lot mosquitoes are so last year
00:05:12Just in case
00:05:17Just in case
00:05:31And even though angela and i are finished why just doesn't make sense
00:05:36I mean wouldn't it have been simpler for us if we just did the things in our relationship that our grandparents did in theirs
00:05:42They never split up
00:05:43Hell even our parents generation did enough to at least fake out the kids pre-divorce
00:05:48And while i know pretending's no surefire cure-all it sure as shit beats reality
00:06:07I don't know
00:06:08I wish just once i had a clue what to do
00:06:12And i mean i just can't get out of my head that's the thing my brain just keeps playing and replaying and replaying
00:06:18Why did the relationship end how can i get over her and i
00:06:23I don't know so no change then
00:06:26I really really tried to make it work charlie
00:06:31But you just didn't live here you're in another world
00:06:34What about the daydreams and sex fantasies
00:06:39Are you still having no
00:06:41No
00:06:44Look i know you believe that other couples are truly happy but the truth is they are nobody's happy
00:06:51Unless they're single and don't have to make compromises relationship compromises
00:06:56They frankly suck for everyone
00:06:58Well even single people only think they're happy but they really aren't
00:07:04They hate their parents they hate their jobs and their goddamn fantasy football teams
00:07:08Whatever they can come up with to keep themselves miserable
00:07:12Miserable charlie is what people are meant to be
00:07:16Do you mind if i smoke
00:07:16Like that i wish you could hear half of the incessant whining that goes on in this room
00:07:27You people are relentless
00:07:29Although my catskills cabin does say
00:07:34Thank you
00:07:34Well then sign me up for six more years of these sessions right now can we
00:07:38Charlie
00:07:42You pose a very good question very good about our sessions
00:07:49Charlie
00:07:51We need to talk i've wanted to bring this up for a long time
00:07:56But with your birthday and the summer holidays and that layoff situation you've been dealing with
00:08:03I didn't think it was the right time but you know when is it really the right time
00:08:10Charlie what i'm saying is i think it would be good for us to take a little time off
00:08:18It's august right you're probably headed to wherever that massive therapist rave is
00:08:23Wherever you guys go this time of year
00:08:24I'm seeing new dates
00:08:25That's fine
00:08:26No that's that's not it charlie look
00:08:29I need to stop seeing you
00:08:33Because it's time for me to start seeing other people oh is it something i said no it's
00:08:40It's not you charlie it's me
00:08:46You know he's saying that really does bring up a lot of feelings for me
00:08:53Shit i really gotta take this
00:08:55Mm-hmm yeah, i'm gonna need some more of this stuff i don't know where the hell you got this ship but it's spectacular
00:09:25It's
00:09:27It's
00:09:27It's
00:09:29It's
00:09:31It
00:09:33It
00:09:35It
00:09:37It
00:09:39It
00:09:41It
00:09:43Throbbing fetishistic climaxes again and again and again.
00:10:07There's no question Franco made a great play.
00:10:10I mean, just catching the ball at your feet is tough enough.
00:10:13Let alone one, sailing end over end.
00:10:15Then to dance down the sideline, even throwing a little bit of a stiff arm.
00:10:18Yeah, it was incredible.
00:10:20But still, it's not the same thing.
00:10:23Now, baseball, on the other hand.
00:10:26Now that is a game of match-ups.
00:10:28That is a game of intent.
00:10:30You can't get lucky and hit a 98-mile-an-hour fastball.
00:10:33You can't get lucky and throw a sweeping curveball nailing the outside corner of the plate.
00:10:38I mean, what's better than two outs, bottom of the ninth,
00:10:41three-two count, a runner on second and down by a run.
00:10:46The pitch Dennis Eckersley intends to throw,
00:10:48and the swing Kirk Gibson intends to put on the ball.
00:10:51One pitch, one swing, a World Series winner and a World Series loser.
00:10:55I mean, it's insane!
00:10:56But listen to me, rambling on, while talking.
00:11:03Talking is exactly what we don't need me to be doing, do we?
00:11:09You, my friend, need to be watching further examples of baseball's superiority to every other sport in the world,
00:11:15while I... I need to...
00:11:18Well, you'll figure out the rest.
00:11:24That's some kind of athleticism, wouldn't you say, Kenny?
00:11:27An all-star caliber move. No question about it.
00:11:29So smooth.
00:11:30Makes the tough play look easy time and time again.
00:11:32What is that noise?
00:11:44Well, thank you, gentlemen.
00:11:46We are delighted to have you aboard this 45-minute non-stop flight to New York's LaGuardia Airport.
00:11:51Please ensure that your seatbacks are in upright position,
00:11:53your tabletops are stowed,
00:11:55and that you have avoided our $1,000 check bag fee
00:11:58by placing absolutely everything you own in the overhead bins above.
00:12:01If you are seated in the middle seat,
00:12:03this does entitle you the use of both armrests,
00:12:06regardless of whether the stupid fucker sitting next to you
00:12:08has any idea of airplane etiquette whatsoever.
00:12:11After takeoff, you will be permitted to use the iPhone,
00:12:14but prior to that time, even the single use of an iPhone
00:12:16will cause the plane to crash,
00:12:18resulting in your eternal damnation straight to hell.
00:12:21Welcome aboard.
00:12:27Oh, shit.
00:12:29Whoopsies!
00:12:31Wow, may I be of some assistance to you?
00:12:34Yeah, that'd be great.
00:12:35I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
00:12:37I am going to give this to you, little prezzy,
00:12:39and I will take this,
00:12:41and you can pick it up at gate check on your way out when we land in New York.
00:12:45No, no, it's a really small bag.
00:12:47There has to be some room on port for it.
00:12:49Poor, poor, dear.
00:12:53I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you.
00:12:55Come see me as you're exiting the aircraft,
00:12:57and I will credit you with quadruple miles for today's flight
00:13:00that you will never be able to redeem.
00:13:03Buckle up.
00:13:03This is me.
00:13:11You just got totally hosed.
00:13:13I know, right?
00:13:14Uh-huh, yeah.
00:13:15Half the bags on this flight are bigger than that.
00:13:17Seriously?
00:13:17I thought it was bad enough getting the full Monty going through the x-ray search.
00:13:21Oh, that's nothing.
00:13:21You see that old lady over there?
00:13:23She practically begged for the film treatment.
00:13:24She's such a terrorist.
00:13:25Look at her.
00:13:28Don't let that fool you.
00:13:29I'm such a terrorist.
00:13:34Online dating, huh?
00:13:35Oh, you saw that, did you?
00:13:36Hey, I'm not judging.
00:13:37Actually, you know what?
00:13:38You want to give me a hand?
00:13:39Mm-hmm.
00:13:40Yes, I do.
00:13:41Okay.
00:13:42Date or no date?
00:13:43Well, how about...
00:13:44Oh, Sally.
00:13:45She's 28.
00:13:46She enjoys the emasculation of men,
00:13:48throwing up after meals,
00:13:49and long walks on the beach.
00:13:51Date.
00:13:51Yeah?
00:13:52Definitely.
00:13:52Yeah, she had made emasculation.
00:13:54Oh, you're a natural at this.
00:13:55Okay, Gretchen.
00:13:56She's 30.
00:13:56Ooh, Gretchen.
00:13:57She enjoys lying about her age,
00:13:58being sensitive, smart, and funny,
00:14:00and only posting one picture
00:14:02that was taken 12 to 15 years ago.
00:14:03Yeah.
00:14:04Without question,
00:14:05she will look that good in person.
00:14:06Mm-hmm.
00:14:07Without question.
00:14:07Take her out tonight.
00:14:08Tonight?
00:14:09Yeah, don't even wait a minute.
00:14:10Actually, I already have plans tonight,
00:14:11and she's out on work release,
00:14:13so it'll be pretty hard to reschedule.
00:14:15It's too bad.
00:14:16She is really a keeper.
00:14:18Yeah.
00:14:19Yeah.
00:14:20Yeah.
00:14:21So, um, you're from the city?
00:14:24Yeah, uh, just coming back
00:14:26from visiting my sister.
00:14:27You?
00:14:27Yep, New York interview.
00:14:30Oh, nice.
00:14:31Yeah, I, uh,
00:14:33I've been thinking about
00:14:34making a switch
00:14:35to the non-profit sector
00:14:36for a while.
00:14:37Mm-hmm.
00:14:37You know, actually do
00:14:38some good at work.
00:14:39Wish I was doing that.
00:14:40I figure you look for a new job now,
00:14:41or wait till I'm 60
00:14:42and announce my retirement
00:14:43in conference room D,
00:14:45having never surpassed
00:14:46my greatest achievement,
00:14:47which was writing the jingle
00:14:47for the stroller
00:14:48with the built-in ashtray.
00:14:49Don't let motherhood
00:14:51slow you down.
00:14:52Babies take and take,
00:14:53but it's your turn now.
00:14:54So keep on rolling
00:14:55in the smoking stroller.
00:14:57That jingle is pretty catchy.
00:14:59Oh, yeah.
00:14:59It's catchy, like the clap.
00:15:03Wait.
00:15:05Oh, excuse me.
00:15:06Could we get two more
00:15:07aviations and soda, please?
00:15:09Mm.
00:15:10Can I just tell you
00:15:11how happy I am,
00:15:13for once,
00:15:13to be sitting next to the hot chick?
00:15:15Like, I never sit next
00:15:17to the hot chick on the flight.
00:15:18I mean, the elderly, constantly.
00:15:19The extraordinarily sweaty,
00:15:21the really hot guys,
00:15:22all the time.
00:15:23But you?
00:15:24Mm.
00:15:24I win.
00:15:25I won.
00:15:26I won.
00:15:27So forgive me, bud.
00:15:28I need to take this
00:15:29once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
00:15:30and try to, uh,
00:15:31convert this into, say,
00:15:34a date.
00:15:37Maybe.
00:15:40Outside of the pressurized chamber
00:15:41we sit in.
00:15:41I'm Angela,
00:15:45by the way.
00:15:47Charlie.
00:15:48Mm.
00:15:49Really pleased to meet you, Charlie.
00:15:51You too.
00:15:53I don't have the clap.
00:16:01Now, I'm gonna turn over
00:16:02the next car, Tim,
00:16:03and I want you to concentrate
00:16:04and tell me what it is, okay?
00:16:06And remember,
00:16:06there are no wrong answers here,
00:16:08so you just tell me
00:16:08what you think it is
00:16:09as soon as I flip it over, okay?
00:16:11That's a dead puppy doggy.
00:16:12Okay, well, you don't have,
00:16:13you know,
00:16:14you don't have to answer
00:16:14right away, okay?
00:16:16You can take a little time
00:16:16to think and be sure
00:16:17about what you see.
00:16:18Do you understand?
00:16:19Uh-huh.
00:16:21All right now, Tammy,
00:16:22you just give it
00:16:22a little think.
00:16:23That's a dead puppy doggy
00:16:24that could cut open by night.
00:16:27Okay.
00:16:29Well, like we said,
00:16:29there are no wrong answers here,
00:16:31so let's just,
00:16:32let's just try another one.
00:16:33That's Mommy and Daddy.
00:16:35Daddy.
00:16:36Okay, good.
00:16:37Mommy and Daddy,
00:16:38that's great.
00:16:38Tammy?
00:16:40Mommy's cooking for Daddy.
00:16:42All right.
00:16:43See, that's a really nice thing
00:16:44for Mommy.
00:16:44Mommy's putting smashed up glass
00:16:46in Daddy's suit
00:16:48to make him cry.
00:16:51For Mommy to do.
00:16:54Dr. Donovan,
00:16:55Charles Carroll's online, too.
00:16:56Dude,
00:16:57I am having the best day,
00:16:59and I just have to share.
00:16:59Great, man, what's going on?
00:17:00I am the proud owner
00:17:01of a brand-new date
00:17:02next Tuesday night.
00:17:03But a woman?
00:17:03How'd you pull that
00:17:04at 11.30 in the morning
00:17:05you've been drinking?
00:17:05It is never too early
00:17:06for the nectar of love,
00:17:08my friend.
00:17:08And don't get all weird on me,
00:17:11but this Angela chick,
00:17:12she could be the one.
00:17:13Oh, man,
00:17:14you don't know this chick.
00:17:15Oh, come on, man,
00:17:16I'm happy.
00:17:17Leave me alone.
00:17:18No, I'm just saying,
00:17:19you know how you get it.
00:17:19Oh, gee, thanks, Oprah.
00:17:20Hey, can I come on your show
00:17:22because I'm having this problem
00:17:23with my best friend?
00:17:23First of all, my man,
00:17:24you ever watch Oprah?
00:17:25Because maybe you should.
00:17:26Oprah knows her shit, my man.
00:17:27What do you even know
00:17:28about this chick
00:17:28that makes you think
00:17:29she could be the one?
00:17:30I know enough.
00:17:31Really?
00:17:31Tell me, is she a Yankee fan
00:17:32or a mess?
00:17:32She like Belgian beer like yours?
00:17:33She have to keep things gluten-free.
00:17:35Does she actually laugh
00:17:35at Groundhog Day
00:17:36or does she just wonder
00:17:37why the fuck Bill Murray
00:17:37keeps trying to kill himself?
00:17:38It don't make any sense.
00:17:40The most important things to know,
00:17:41they are not but relevant
00:17:43the one assessment material,
00:17:45you might say.
00:17:46I'm just saying,
00:17:47take in a little bit more data
00:17:49before you fucking propose.
00:17:50All right, all right.
00:17:51She could turn out
00:17:52to be a serial killer.
00:17:52Trust me when I say this,
00:17:53they come from places
00:17:54you would never suspect.
00:17:57I have no idea what that means.
00:17:59Well, look, man, it's cool.
00:18:00It's cool about the date
00:18:01and it's cool about
00:18:02teeing her up on a C night.
00:18:03See, man, man.
00:18:03C night?
00:18:04What are you talking about C night?
00:18:05We're going out Tuesday.
00:18:05Exactly, Tuesday night.
00:18:07Nothing too serious.
00:18:07Just want to have a little fun,
00:18:08not wasting an A or B night.
00:18:10Strong work.
00:18:11You know, she did suggest Tuesday.
00:18:13I kind of just went along with it.
00:18:15You still there?
00:18:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:18:16Look, I got to get back
00:18:17to a little Jeffrey Dahmer here,
00:18:18but just try to keep things
00:18:21in perspective, okay?
00:18:22Okay, okay, fine.
00:18:23Be gone with you.
00:18:24Oh, and by the way,
00:18:25she's the one.
00:18:32Ah, well, she's not the one.
00:18:33She's definitely not the one.
00:18:35Angela's ancient history.
00:18:36Do we got to keep talking about it?
00:18:38The incessant one
00:18:39is driving you fucking crazy.
00:18:41Angela, aside for a minute,
00:18:43what kind of therapist
00:18:43drops someone as fucked up as you?
00:18:45Oh, well, it's not all that bad.
00:18:47He said we could still be friends, so...
00:18:49I'll tell you what,
00:18:50take the cash you were given
00:18:50and doctor, don't call me,
00:18:51I'll call you
00:18:52and put it for its full-body massages
00:18:53twice a week.
00:18:54Then you see how many problems
00:18:55you still have.
00:18:56Yeah, I don't really see how
00:18:58this could help me find
00:18:59Mrs. Wright,
00:19:00but, uh, sure.
00:19:02Woo!
00:19:03Dude, come on.
00:19:04You can't do that.
00:19:05What?
00:19:06Because I'm not cute and cuddly,
00:19:08me taking a leak somehow
00:19:09to files and dog-piss-glazed pavement
00:19:10we've been running on
00:19:11since 72nd Street?
00:19:12Yeah.
00:19:13Come on, man.
00:19:13The prostate's the size
00:19:14of a fuckin' honeydew.
00:19:16You see?
00:19:18For crying out loud, laden,
00:19:20you're carrying a bag of shit.
00:19:21Huh?
00:19:24You need to quit your crying.
00:19:26It's not like you couldn't
00:19:27see this coming.
00:19:28What?
00:19:29What?
00:19:30Hey.
00:19:33Oh, come...
00:19:33Don't come here.
00:19:34Okay.
00:19:35Huh?
00:19:36Hmm?
00:19:36All right.
00:19:37Yeah.
00:19:43Pearl Harbor?
00:19:49Is that why we are fighting?
00:19:51Or is it because of...
00:19:54Britain?
00:19:59Kyle!
00:20:01Kyle!
00:20:03Hey, y'all!
00:20:04Hey, y'all!
00:20:05Oh, my God.
00:20:07Hey, there, fly girl.
00:20:09I got your text.
00:20:10Charlie!
00:20:12Oh, my God.
00:20:13Dad, you have to do a shot.
00:20:14These Irish car bombs,
00:20:15they're so good.
00:20:17Actually, you know what?
00:20:18I'm good.
00:20:18Dad!
00:20:19Shuffle around!
00:20:20Yeah, maybe just one more, though,
00:20:22because Ann and I,
00:20:22we're gonna go.
00:20:23You know what I mean?
00:20:25It's sad.
00:20:25Tell me, can you see...
00:20:27Oh, my God.
00:20:28Whoa!
00:20:29It's not in the mouth.
00:20:30Daisy Angel has arrived.
00:20:31It's serious.
00:20:32Come on.
00:20:33It's okay.
00:20:33Come on.
00:20:34Help me out.
00:20:35Are you all right?
00:20:37Hey, maybe we should get her to that, huh?
00:20:39I can.
00:20:41Oh, shit!
00:20:42You guys are a bunch of fucking amateurs.
00:20:47Woo!
00:20:49That was fun!
00:20:51Okay, here we go.
00:20:52Let me just...
00:20:54I am...
00:20:55Okay, you want to split?
00:20:56And then whoever he is,
00:20:58seems to be able to handle it.
00:20:59I bet.
00:21:00To the extent that I,
00:21:01if you were worried,
00:21:02I'll be leaving momentarily.
00:21:03No, Charlie.
00:21:04See?
00:21:05She's fine.
00:21:07So let's go dress up like robots
00:21:10and sniff each other's panties.
00:21:12Woo!
00:21:13Woo!
00:21:14Woo!
00:21:14Woo!
00:21:14Woo!
00:21:15Warning.
00:21:16Warning.
00:21:17Remember that?
00:21:18You're not going to let her sleep
00:21:33in all those clothes, are you?
00:21:34Okay, we can go now.
00:21:41Yeah?
00:21:42I think he's gay.
00:21:43Hey.
00:21:44Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
00:21:48Stop!
00:21:49Okay, your phone is right by your bed here.
00:21:56I pre-dialed 911,
00:21:57so if you get into any trouble during the night,
00:21:59all you have to do is push the green button.
00:22:01Oh.
00:22:02Okay?
00:22:03So as long as you can make it through the night
00:22:05without the use of paramedic care,
00:22:07which if practice makes perfect,
00:22:10I don't think you'll have a problem with.
00:22:12You got a glass of water
00:22:13and some stuff for your head
00:22:14right next to your phone.
00:22:15Beyond that,
00:22:17I gotta go.
00:22:18Oh, shit.
00:22:19I'm sorry.
00:22:21I just, I really like you.
00:22:23I do.
00:22:24You're a good guy.
00:22:27Oh, God.
00:22:29I'm a mess right now.
00:22:30Look at me.
00:22:31Probably hate me.
00:22:32I don't hate you.
00:22:33I would hate me.
00:22:34Oh, fuck.
00:22:34Please, just promise me
00:22:36that you'll go out with me again.
00:22:38Please, no drinking.
00:22:40We'll go see a movie.
00:22:40It'll be so fun.
00:22:42What about Friday?
00:22:43Will you be free?
00:22:44Oh, I was thinking Monday.
00:22:47I'm just kidding.
00:22:48Whenever you want.
00:22:52Whenever.
00:22:53It'll be so fun.
00:22:56Huh?
00:22:58Yay.
00:23:00There's something else,
00:23:01you know that?
00:23:02I know.
00:23:04So why not go out with me?
00:23:07What's the worst that can happen?
00:23:09You know, when Bryce asked me to be his best man,
00:23:16a lot of memories flashed through my mind.
00:23:18In fact, I can vividly remember
00:23:20the first time I ever saw Rebecca and Bryce together.
00:23:23Huh?
00:23:23It was Red Lobster, Bryce's 29th birthday.
00:23:25fucking all-you-can-eat popcorn shrimp.
00:23:28And I knew at that very moment,
00:23:32I could see it in her eyes.
00:23:33Bryce should absolutely,
00:23:34under no circumstances,
00:23:36marry this woman.
00:23:38But of course I said nothing,
00:23:39and now,
00:23:40two and a half years later,
00:23:41here we are.
00:23:42To the happy uncouple.
00:23:46A man.
00:23:53Thank you, Vic.
00:23:54And thanks to all of you
00:23:55for being here
00:23:56to help celebrate this truly special day.
00:23:58It really does mean the world.
00:23:59You guys know Bryce is an asshole, right?
00:24:01Maybe you may have noticed
00:24:01that my wife Rebecca
00:24:02won't be joining us tonight.
00:24:04Yeah,
00:24:05but at least he's our asshole.
00:24:06Because I have divorced
00:24:08that cheating bitch
00:24:09effective today!
00:24:12She does send her regards
00:24:14from the throes of hell.
00:24:15What, some of the shit
00:24:16this asshole speaks?
00:24:17It's kind of,
00:24:18it's fun to watch.
00:24:19Officially official,
00:24:19so let me go ahead
00:24:20and set a couple things straight.
00:24:21First,
00:24:22yes,
00:24:23these are real.
00:24:25And second,
00:24:26yes,
00:24:28sexy ladies of New York City.
00:24:30Hey,
00:24:31all of you,
00:24:32not you,
00:24:34it's fucked up
00:24:35and she's my cousin.
00:24:36She's my cousin.
00:24:37I fucking was here.
00:24:38But sexy ladies
00:24:39of New York City,
00:24:40I am totally
00:24:42fucking available
00:24:43to crush ass
00:24:45and or pussy
00:24:46any time you want.
00:24:52Take these
00:24:53motherfucker
00:24:54divorce papers.
00:24:55Come on,
00:24:56take these divorce papers
00:24:57from my buttermeg dick.
00:24:58Take them from my dick.
00:24:59Yeah!
00:25:00Yeah!
00:25:01Yeah!
00:25:01Yeah!
00:25:01Yeah!
00:25:02Yeah!
00:25:02Yeah!
00:25:02Yeah!
00:25:02Yeah!
00:25:03Yeah!
00:25:03Yeah!
00:25:03Yeah!
00:25:04Yeah!
00:25:04Yeah!
00:25:05Yeah!
00:25:05Yeah!
00:25:05Yeah!
00:25:06All right.
00:25:10Oh,
00:25:11that hurts good.
00:25:12All right,
00:25:12I'm gonna go.
00:25:13No!
00:25:14Seriously,
00:25:15though,
00:25:15I kind of,
00:25:16I don't know what it is,
00:25:18I just kind of don't even know
00:25:18where to start with all this.
00:25:20That's the thing.
00:25:21Well,
00:25:21I bet you don't,
00:25:22Charlie,
00:25:22all right?
00:25:22And that's natural.
00:25:23I didn't know how good I had
00:25:24at single until I got married.
00:25:26Never do that again.
00:25:27Right.
00:25:27No offense,
00:25:28buddy.
00:25:28No,
00:25:28you can't do that.
00:25:28You can't do that.
00:25:28You can't do that.
00:25:29No,
00:25:30listen,
00:25:30I understand that
00:25:30that sounds good,
00:25:32but I think it,
00:25:33I think it's too good
00:25:33to be true.
00:25:34Am I right?
00:25:36Way more sex single
00:25:37than I ever had married.
00:25:38Come on,
00:25:39really?
00:25:39Yes,
00:25:40and what's better
00:25:40than a fucking one-night stand?
00:25:42There's no commitment.
00:25:43There's no,
00:25:44there's no annoying neediness
00:25:45or feelings,
00:25:46and when she spreads her legs
00:25:48free of obligation,
00:25:50of commitment,
00:25:51of the need
00:25:51to give her half
00:25:52of what you want,
00:25:53you can't have fucking half of this,
00:25:54not without one of these,
00:25:55my friends.
00:25:56That free market pussy
00:25:57is gold.
00:25:59Gold, huh?
00:26:00A coveted commodity
00:26:01that appreciates
00:26:02in a down economy,
00:26:03you bet it's fucking gold,
00:26:05and you need to hoard
00:26:06as much of that gold
00:26:08as you can
00:26:08while the single man's
00:26:09liquidity proposition
00:26:10still exists,
00:26:11my friend.
00:26:12Jesus Christ.
00:26:12Forget about Angela.
00:26:14You realize
00:26:14the next time
00:26:15you're in a relationship,
00:26:16ain't no more upticks
00:26:17in the old portfolio
00:26:18and cheap,
00:26:19it is not.
00:26:20Trading out of the position,
00:26:21boom,
00:26:22crush ass.
00:26:23Wow,
00:26:24I understand
00:26:24that your business school
00:26:26outlook on getting pussy
00:26:27may be,
00:26:28I bet you need,
00:26:29but I don't know,
00:26:32I'm just fucked,
00:26:33man,
00:26:33after Angela.
00:26:34You're not fucked.
00:26:35I'm fucked.
00:26:36I don't even think
00:26:36I can crush anything right now.
00:26:38I don't even know
00:26:38where to start.
00:26:39Charlie,
00:26:39it's like candy
00:26:40from a baby.
00:26:42It goes like this.
00:26:46First,
00:26:47you gotta identify
00:26:48the target.
00:26:51No,
00:26:52not her.
00:26:52No,
00:26:57not even close.
00:27:04Boom,
00:27:05her.
00:27:06The one not
00:27:07over at the bar
00:27:07and instead attacking
00:27:08that Blackberry
00:27:09with the same
00:27:10intense precision
00:27:11that'll come in handy
00:27:11for you
00:27:12in just a few short hours.
00:27:14There'll be some
00:27:15competition for her,
00:27:16but nothing you can't handle.
00:27:17And this chick
00:27:18is annoyed
00:27:18that Vanessa
00:27:19from up on the bar
00:27:20is getting all the attention,
00:27:21all right?
00:27:21So you give it to her.
00:27:22All the attention
00:27:24she needs.
00:27:24Okay,
00:27:25I'm buying.
00:27:25Now what?
00:27:26Next,
00:27:26make sure she knows
00:27:27that you're a nice guy,
00:27:28okay?
00:27:29And this is important,
00:27:29so pay attention.
00:27:30You're a nice guy
00:27:31who she will never
00:27:33see again
00:27:34that she'll never
00:27:35see again.
00:27:35I don't get it.
00:27:36Think back to college.
00:27:37Spring break,
00:27:38specifically.
00:27:39Nice girls
00:27:39let their sexual cats
00:27:40out of the bag
00:27:41all spring break long
00:27:42on South Padre Island
00:27:43because they know
00:27:44when they get home,
00:27:45it'll be right back
00:27:46to prim and proper,
00:27:47smart and respectable
00:27:48without anyone around
00:27:49to say otherwise.
00:27:50But this is in my seat,
00:27:51not spring break,
00:27:53right?
00:27:53Exactly.
00:27:54Which is why
00:27:54you're flying back
00:27:55to L.A. in the morning
00:27:56or you're fucking
00:27:57moving to Nepal
00:27:57on Tuesday,
00:27:58whatever.
00:27:59Whatever words go
00:28:00from your lips
00:28:01to her ears,
00:28:02letting her know
00:28:03that she will
00:28:04never see you again.
00:28:07And then just like
00:28:07spring break,
00:28:08the farther away
00:28:08she thinks you'll be
00:28:09next week,
00:28:10the more likely she is
00:28:10to do something
00:28:11really erotic
00:28:12back in the sack tonight.
00:28:13Okay, okay, listen.
00:28:14It's kind of unfair
00:28:15to know this stuff,
00:28:16but what's next?
00:28:18So then you establish
00:28:19touch and get her
00:28:20comfortable,
00:28:20not just with the look
00:28:21of her,
00:28:21but with the feel of her.
00:28:23Stand close to her.
00:28:24Let her start to like it.
00:28:25And remember,
00:28:26part of the beauty
00:28:27of this chick
00:28:27is that she's not out
00:28:28with some fucking
00:28:29cock-blocking protector friend
00:28:30who couldn't get herself laid
00:28:31and now needs to
00:28:32pull a guilt trip
00:28:33on your girl
00:28:34because she's normally
00:28:35the protector friend.
00:28:36Boom, now you're with me.
00:28:37And then fellas
00:28:38close the deal.
00:28:39No hesitation.
00:28:40Don't ask permission.
00:28:40Just go over to the bartender,
00:28:42cash out your bill.
00:28:43Tell her it's time
00:28:43to get her out
00:28:44of all these wet things.
00:28:45Wait for those easy
00:28:46BFFs of hers
00:28:47to pull their Irish goodbyes
00:28:49and go in for the kill.
00:28:50And under no circumstances
00:28:51should you ever,
00:28:52never, ever
00:28:53let her think.
00:28:57You might actually
00:28:58be the devil.
00:29:00We're kind of brilliant
00:29:01in a...
00:29:03if in a Machiavellian
00:29:04sort of way,
00:29:04but thank you.
00:29:07Thank you guys
00:29:08for sharing.
00:29:10It's like Oprah says
00:29:11for every one of us
00:29:13that succeeds
00:29:13it's because
00:29:14there's somebody there
00:29:15to show you
00:29:16the way out.
00:29:31The path to knowledge
00:29:33is never without a price.
00:29:34But look,
00:29:46there's a lot of
00:29:46what I need
00:29:47to eat.
00:29:48I don't know
00:29:49what you see
00:29:49about me.
00:29:50I don't know
00:29:50what you see
00:29:51but I'll be
00:29:51like
00:29:52you
00:29:52and
00:29:52it's
00:29:53a great
00:29:54eye.
00:29:55Be here by now, she does.
00:30:00Look, you know that I would love to be there, but I just...
00:30:16You don't want to come. Got it.
00:30:18No, no, I want to come. I cannot come.
00:30:21Angela's parents hate me as it is.
00:30:22If I blow off another dinner, it'll be World War III.
00:30:24You're being stupid. You love my debate parties.
00:30:26Yeah, I thought you missing a presidential debate
00:30:28was like a Brangelina baby not being adorable.
00:30:31Seriously, you know Vince and I have been planning for weeks.
00:30:34I know.
00:30:35Oh, hey, check it out. It's her.
00:30:36God, I really recognize her.
00:30:38Oh, since you're wearing her glasses.
00:30:39She got LASIK, okay?
00:30:41I don't see what's so hot about her in the first place.
00:30:42Yeah, I gotta go work hot on this one.
00:30:45Guys, she's, like, hot, hot.
00:30:47I admit, I kind of want to touch her hair,
00:30:49but she's no Alyssa from tech support.
00:30:51That's true. I'll do her in a second.
00:30:52Everyone would do Alyssa in tech support.
00:30:54In fact, most of them have.
00:30:56So what?
00:30:57Are you okay?
00:30:57Charlie, is this a sexy librarian thing?
00:30:59Because, really, even putting club clothes on a woman
00:31:01with that little makeup is not going to get hot,
00:31:04that'll work hot.
00:31:05I don't know how many times I have to say this.
00:31:06Club clothes, unattractive.
00:31:08I mean, she has jeans and t-shirt.
00:31:10She doesn't need makeup.
00:31:12She's just as hot out of work as she is in it.
00:31:14Maybe hotter.
00:31:15Plus, she's really nice.
00:31:17She does seem nice.
00:31:17I bet she'd let her boyfriend come to my debate party.
00:31:20Oh, my God.
00:31:21I don't know what Vince has been telling you,
00:31:22but while Angela and I might be in a bit of a rut right now,
00:31:24I don't need it from the peanut gallery.
00:31:26Okay?
00:31:27Oh, what about her?
00:31:34Okay, so then she's fired.
00:31:36Oh, totally.
00:31:37She's gone.
00:31:37Who's next?
00:31:39Okay, only, uh, 17 more to go.
00:31:43Andrew Feldman.
00:31:44Who?
00:31:44Is that that douchey old guy sits next to the copy room?
00:31:47No, you're thinking of Juliana.
00:31:49Andrew's the vomiter from last year's White Castle eating contest.
00:31:51Right, yes.
00:31:53Double stacker.
00:31:54Cool guy.
00:31:56All righty.
00:31:57Is White Castle guy the next one to get laid off?
00:32:00My sources say...
00:32:02No.
00:32:04Oh, man, that dog.
00:32:07Oh, no.
00:32:08I totally could have made that kid cry at his exit interview.
00:32:11All right, next.
00:32:12Oh, speak of the devil.
00:32:13Miss Juliana McCarthy, come on down.
00:32:18This douchey old guy getting the boot.
00:32:21It is decidedly so.
00:32:30Hey, guys, um, in regards to Juliana,
00:32:34I realize from an efficiency perspective the eight ball may be faster,
00:32:38but she's good with clients.
00:32:40And she's got kids.
00:32:42Do you want to do two out of three at some?
00:32:45Look.
00:32:46Charlie.
00:32:47Charlie.
00:32:48Uh, if it's not one douchey old guy with kids, it's gonna be another one.
00:32:53And if we don't fire her today in this economy,
00:32:57we're gonna do it tomorrow or next week.
00:32:59So, I mean, it's not personal.
00:33:03It's just business.
00:33:04Even so, it feels like we're screwing people without considering the facts.
00:33:07Come on, guy.
00:33:08There's a lot of money to be made in screwing people without considering facts.
00:33:11Have you never made a health insurance claim?
00:33:13Look, it's supply and demand.
00:33:16Well, right now, there is an oversupply in the system that needs to get flushed out.
00:33:22But, hey, you know, if you really want to save this sorry sack's job,
00:33:26you can just offer up your own, my man.
00:33:29No reason why the name on top of that severance package can't change just like that.
00:33:34You're serious?
00:33:35Thank you so much for your question.
00:33:36Just a great, great question.
00:33:38And I understand your frustration.
00:33:41You see, my friends, it's this kind of political kowtowing to the special interests
00:33:46that causes good people, like my dear friend, Linda Lafferty,
00:33:50a political pawn from Hawking, Ohio,
00:33:53to hate big spending earmarks with all her heart,
00:33:57especially those, I might add, put forth by non-natural-born American citizens.
00:34:02Bollocks, absolute...
00:34:03Bollocks, an accusation is preposterous, governor, and I for one can't stand for it.
00:34:07Yeah, no shit.
00:34:09Oh, they're at the bar.
00:34:11Yeah.
00:34:12Don't order a drink.
00:34:12Yeah, tell me about it.
00:34:15The boss.
00:34:17Did your folks hit traffic?
00:34:18May I remind you so?
00:34:20We're operating under rules you signed off on.
00:34:22I'm afraid I can't help but point out that I am the only one in this room
00:34:25wearing a flag pin.
00:34:27Come on, guys, enough already.
00:34:29...with my allotted two minutes, so if you're just...
00:34:31...give me that and be a gentleman, I would appreciate it.
00:34:33Charles, Charles, your shirt.
00:34:36Chuck!
00:34:37Jesus, Angela, it's been kind of a tough day.
00:34:40Yeah?
00:34:41So long a day that you forgot to wear the shirt that we talked about this morning
00:34:44that my mom gave you for your birthday?
00:34:46Oh, shit.
00:34:47Yeah, shit.
00:34:48One, two, three.
00:34:50Gentlemen, please.
00:34:52Another vodka tonic, sir?
00:34:55Uh, he will have a vodka soda, and I will have a martini.
00:34:59Right.
00:35:00My opponent has spent two hours...
00:35:02Angela, is this really necessary?
00:35:05I don't want to fight with you, Charles.
00:35:06I don't want to fight with you either.
00:35:07Bring it down.
00:35:08It just probably hasn't been the best day to have your parents talk at me.
00:35:11Hang in there tonight, okay?
00:35:13Great friend.
00:35:14Great patriot.
00:35:14And if you can do me a favor, please don't get them started on politics.
00:35:18You, sir, are a douchebag.
00:35:21No, I'm sorry.
00:35:22That is not happening.
00:35:23It's such a shame, really.
00:35:25I'm a...
00:35:26You limousine liberals with all your regulations.
00:35:29Oh, Dad, you know it's not like that.
00:35:33Please, honey, it is just like that.
00:35:35I mean, first off, I have to hire all these unqualified affirmative action workers,
00:35:39and now, all of a sudden, I got a gay patrol up my ass with their rainbows
00:35:44telling me about getting married.
00:35:46What's that going to cost my insurance rates?
00:35:49I'm already paying for maternity leave, aren't I?
00:35:51Well, never mind the immigrants.
00:35:53Do you know, just the other day, Margot Pendergrath told me that her nanny,
00:35:56Consuela, or was it Alejandro, I don't know, one of those Mexican names you cannot spell.
00:36:02Anyway, she actually asked for Mother's Day as a vacation day.
00:36:06Can you imagine Mother's Day?
00:36:09Sweetheart, this is what I'm talking about.
00:36:10They come to this country, and they want it all.
00:36:12They want the American dream.
00:36:14Why here do they want the American dream, in my question?
00:36:16What are you supposed to do on Mother's Day, two toddlers and no nanny?
00:36:19Increíble.
00:36:21Arriba, arriba.
00:36:23Everybody's against us rich folks nowadays.
00:36:33People like you, Charles, people with a petty little equal rights problem.
00:36:37So she's fired.
00:36:38What the fuck is that nice of you?
00:36:40We are operating under rules that you sign up on.
00:36:44Gentlemen, please.
00:36:45If I ask you again, Charles, it's a long-sensualism.
00:36:47Are there vodka tonics that my sources say?
00:36:50Do they ever?
00:36:51Five, right?
00:36:52Yeah.
00:36:52There's a lot of money made in school.
00:36:54He's all doing here.
00:36:55He's all doing here.
00:36:55He's all doing here.
00:36:56He's all doing here.
00:36:57He's all doing here.
00:36:58He's all doing here.
00:36:58He's all doing here.
00:36:59You need to quit your bitch.
00:37:01It's not like you can't see what's coming on.
00:37:02Do you have a job with a note?
00:37:03Hey, the name's not that severance package can be changed just like that.
00:37:07I quit my job today.
00:37:26We did what?
00:37:27Well, not really quit.
00:37:29They offered me a layoff and I took it.
00:37:32Nope.
00:37:37Seriously.
00:37:38Some sort of joke?
00:37:40No.
00:37:40Well, Charles, why on earth would you do such a foolish thing?
00:37:45Oh, see, I don't think it's that foolish.
00:37:48I just thought, isn't it better to stop whining myself?
00:37:52Hmm.
00:37:53Like, this tastes like shit.
00:37:55Um, ooh, can we please get a bottle of vodka and a bottle of tonic?
00:38:02Just kidding.
00:38:05I mean, this guy.
00:38:06You know, it's kind of like what Oprah says about luck, isn't it?
00:38:09Uh, I gotta say, you're really not making a whole lot of sense.
00:38:12What is he talking about?
00:38:14No, it's perfect.
00:38:15It's when preparation meets opportunity.
00:38:17Right, honey?
00:38:21You know, honey, I always knew there was something wrong with this guy.
00:38:23Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:38:24Wrong with me.
00:38:25Whoa, whoa.
00:38:26There's nothing wrong with me.
00:38:27Oh.
00:38:28Or maybe there is something wrong with me.
00:38:31I have a pretty good idea, Ron.
00:38:33Do you?
00:38:34Charles, stop.
00:38:36Sweetie, I think your parents are more than happy to sit here and smile while I talk at them.
00:38:40Yeah, I'm right back at you, pal.
00:38:42I'm sorry.
00:38:43Converse with them.
00:38:45We could all converse, right?
00:38:47About how, I don't know, Margo's nanny wants to spend Mother's Day with her own kids?
00:38:52You remember the nanny, right?
00:38:53She's the immigrant who pays taxes.
00:38:56Takes a job that Margo clearly doesn't want, namely raising Margo's kids.
00:39:00Oh, Jesus Christ, the balls on this guy.
00:39:02No, sir.
00:39:03Pal, let me tell you something.
00:39:04You got a lot of nerve talking like that when you're a guest at my table.
00:39:07I'm sorry.
00:39:08Your table?
00:39:09Oh, I'm sorry.
00:39:11Charles, are you going to pay for a change?
00:39:14Really, Ron?
00:39:15Really, you'd allow me to do that?
00:39:17Because as of right now, we're currently under the you pay status quo, which is a truly great arrangement, by the way.
00:39:23You pay, and I could just sit here and listen to you talk about how gay people shouldn't have the right to get married.
00:39:28It's truly enlightening.
00:39:30Why stop there?
00:39:31I bet we can all get all the queers to sit in the back of the bus, drink of their own water fountain.
00:39:37Or, hell, I bet we could get them to speak in their own governmentally mandated dialect.
00:39:41Well, okay, Charlie.
00:39:44I sure enough hope size one big ones gets me to be a house homosexual.
00:39:48Because being a field homosexual just ain't no fun.
00:39:50Charles!
00:39:54Mom, Dad, I'm so sorry.
00:39:56I don't know what's gotten into him.
00:39:59My parents brought us to this lovely dinner.
00:40:01This is not the kind of treatment that anyone deserves.
00:40:05You're right.
00:40:07You're absolutely right.
00:40:10No one deserves to be treated this way.
00:40:11Which is why you folks will never have to deal with it again.
00:40:19Mom.
00:40:23There you go, Ron.
00:40:24I don't think that.
00:40:34Thank you, sweetheart.
00:40:36For everything.
00:40:38You know, for a while there, we...
00:40:40we really were something.
00:40:41We really were something.
00:42:37I'm sorry.
00:42:38I shouldn't laugh.
00:42:39That's fine.
00:42:40Oh, God.
00:42:41She's still friending me on Facebook.
00:42:43Oh, good.
00:42:44At least there's that.
00:42:45So you know how to get in touch with her.
00:42:46Yes.
00:42:47Yeah.
00:42:48Oh, God, Charlie.
00:42:49I know that it sucks out there.
00:42:50It does.
00:42:51I just, I know that she's out there for you and I just don't want you to miss her.
00:42:55I mentioned my cataracts.
00:42:56Shh.
00:42:57They're just like full.
00:42:58Hey, babe.
00:42:59Over here.
00:43:00Oh.
00:43:01Hey, babe.
00:43:02Okay.
00:43:03What's her name again?
00:43:04I have no idea.
00:43:05It's a kid who appears.
00:43:06It's a stupid kid name.
00:43:07Yeah.
00:43:08I'm sure her parents forget all the time.
00:43:09Look, if I remember your kid's name is Jonathan, all that means is that before I threw away
00:43:12that stupid, lame-ass birth announcement you sent me, I typed the words Jonathan into
00:43:17the address book of my phone book and I reviewed those notes before I'm hanging out for dinner,
00:43:20which likely is probably only the, what, second dinner we've had in three years due to the
00:43:25fact that you gave birth to little Jonathan in the first place and forgotten all about
00:43:28me and our friendship.
00:43:29Yet, I'm the asshole because I can't remember the name of the person who stole my friend and
00:43:33who doesn't even bother to put down the toy that I gave him to come over and say hi to
00:43:37me when I come over to visit.
00:43:38I don't think so.
00:43:40Have you ever considered therapy?
00:43:42Sure.
00:43:43Oh.
00:43:44Okay.
00:43:45All right there, you beautiful young one.
00:43:51Oh, my God.
00:43:52Is this it?
00:43:53You know it, baby girl.
00:43:54Holy shit.
00:43:55It's the banker habitat.
00:43:56It's amazing.
00:43:57I could have sworn.
00:43:59Aren't bankers in danger?
00:44:00It's really fascinating, actually.
00:44:01Apparently it took years to catch the first few, but once they figured out how to get them
00:44:04to mate in captivity, now all the zoos are starting to feature them.
00:44:07They're kind of scary.
00:44:08Ferocious.
00:44:09You want to know the most incredible part?
00:44:11After zookeepers tried everything, piles of cash for them to play in, bowls of coke,
00:44:15everything, they're totally immune to porn.
00:44:17Turns out all they had to do was start calling the females interns.
00:44:20And the little banker babies started shooting out of those habitat boardrooms faster than
00:44:24Lehman Brothers became synonymous with welfare.
00:44:27Man, that's so crazy.
00:44:28Feels kind of cool in this post, huh?
00:44:30It is cool.
00:44:31It's really cool.
00:44:32But it's good we're not any closer.
00:44:33Word is they like to throw their own shit.
00:44:35Poop.
00:44:36Throw their own poop.
00:44:37Ladies and gentlemen, as I have said many times before, and as I now will say again,
00:44:50your unemployment forms will not be deemed complete by answering the questions with please
00:44:55see resume attached.
00:44:57Do not ignore this warning if you want anyone in this room to ever leave it.
00:45:04Yo, man.
00:45:05Come on.
00:45:13Need one of these?
00:45:14More than I ever thought possible.
00:45:16Well, then you're in luck.
00:45:18Mm-hmm.
00:45:27Tough crowd.
00:45:28Seriously.
00:45:29You'd think you'd at least get a little sympathy for being unemployed.
00:45:32I guess there really is no such thing as a free lunch, huh?
00:45:34You're not kidding.
00:45:35You should see how much I charge for this pen.
00:45:37How much?
00:45:38It's like 50 bucks a day.
00:45:39Wow.
00:45:40Yeah.
00:45:41Steep.
00:45:42A little steep for people unemployed.
00:45:43I think so.
00:45:46Attention, attention.
00:45:48Having watched the Required Jobs Yes slideshow and having filled in your benefit forms,
00:45:55you are nearly finished with today's mandatory session.
00:45:58The first three hours were so much fun.
00:46:00They were, weren't they?
00:46:01Yeah.
00:46:02We have randomly selected from the collected forms the names of 10 people who are to participate
00:46:10with one of our employment specialists in an additional 45-minute session.
00:46:18Who knows?
00:46:20Maybe you'll even find that job today.
00:46:23Any questions?
00:46:25Yeah.
00:46:26What bribe gets you to not call my name?
00:46:28Okay.
00:46:29If you are not one of the 10 names called, you will be free to go.
00:46:34The Almighty tells me he can get me out of this mess.
00:46:36But he's pretty sure you are fucked, Braveheart.
00:46:40Mr. Edward Hart!
00:46:42Fuck!
00:46:43I want you to know whatever happens, we'll always have Paris.
00:46:53Miss Barbara Robbins.
00:46:55Casa Blanca.
00:46:56Nice.
00:47:02Mr. Charles Carroll.
00:47:05You look like a friend of mine.
00:47:06Oh, thanks.
00:47:07It's new.
00:47:08You look like a friend of mine.
00:47:09Oh, thanks.
00:47:10It's new.
00:47:11You look really nice tonight.
00:47:12You look really nice too.
00:47:13You look really familiar.
00:47:14I know.
00:47:15Can I buy you a drink?
00:47:16Ha!
00:47:17Hey.
00:47:18Oh, hey.
00:47:19Hey.
00:47:20Hey.
00:47:21How you doing?
00:47:22To work like.
00:47:23You look like a friend of mine.
00:47:24Oh, thanks.
00:47:25It's new.
00:47:26You look really nice tonight.
00:47:27You look really familiar.
00:47:28I know.
00:47:29Can I buy you a drink?
00:47:30Ha!
00:47:31Hey.
00:47:32Oh, hey.
00:47:33Hey.
00:47:34How you doing?
00:47:35How you doing?
00:47:36It's my first time here too.
00:47:37Hey there.
00:47:38How you doing?
00:47:39I'm pretty good.
00:47:40How are you?
00:47:41Hey.
00:47:42I love this place.
00:47:43I'm sorry.
00:47:44What's your name again?
00:47:45That's funny.
00:47:46I never touch this stuff.
00:47:47Yeah, I don't eat meat.
00:47:48I don't eat meat.
00:47:49Definitely don't eat meat.
00:47:50I don't drink.
00:47:51I'm a street performer.
00:47:52A lawyer.
00:47:53In the safety world.
00:47:54Kafka.
00:47:55Condiments.
00:47:56Hats.
00:47:57No.
00:47:58I don't eat meat.
00:47:59I don't eat meat.
00:48:00Definitely don't eat meat.
00:48:01I don't drink.
00:48:02I'm a street performer.
00:48:03A lawyer.
00:48:04In the safety world.
00:48:05Kafka.
00:48:06Condiments.
00:48:07Hats.
00:48:08Not all drugs.
00:48:09Just some drug.
00:48:10I mean, I get it.
00:48:11That and cocaine.
00:48:12You must be India.
00:48:13Penis and all that.
00:48:14I don't really want to talk to people.
00:48:15Did I say that out loud?
00:48:17I voted for Bush.
00:48:19Twice.
00:48:23What do you mean?
00:48:24You don't have a job.
00:48:25God, you sound just like my boyfriend.
00:48:31Leonie!
00:48:32Party of four!
00:48:33I'm convinced every sane woman in the city is taping.
00:48:36So fucking dramatic.
00:48:37I'm telling you.
00:48:38These women are psycho.
00:48:39Oh my god, they can't all be that bad.
00:48:41I don't know.
00:48:42Maybe I'm the only person in the world who hates small talk.
00:48:44Dude, everyone hates small talk.
00:48:46So what?
00:48:47Really?
00:48:48Then why do I feel like my head is going to explode in a hurricane of generic questions?
00:48:51Where are you from?
00:48:52Where do you work?
00:48:53Where did you go to school?
00:48:54You know, the, um, the am I better than you questions.
00:48:56Oh yeah, well asking those is how you know you're a New Yorker.
00:48:59How much do you pay for your apartment?
00:49:00How many square feet?
00:49:01What was your broker's feet?
00:49:02I think this place is owned by the same guy that owns Balthazar.
00:49:05Do you ever take a date there?
00:49:06It's not that bad.
00:49:07I'm sorry, what?
00:49:08What?
00:49:09I think it is that bad.
00:49:10Oh, shit.
00:49:11Oh yeah.
00:49:12Incomplete parties will not be seated.
00:49:15Okay.
00:49:16Okay, Charlie.
00:49:17You know what?
00:49:18I'm your friend.
00:49:19I love you.
00:49:20We all love you.
00:49:21But do you know what your problem is?
00:49:22You.
00:49:23Excuse me?
00:49:24Excuse you.
00:49:25Look, you're certainly not the first guy to think he's some big deal for getting a lot
00:49:29of dates in this town.
00:49:30That doesn't mean that you have any idea what you're doing when you're out with these
00:49:33women.
00:49:35Look, any guy with an American Express card and a pulse can get a date, there's like
00:49:38half a million more single women than men.
00:49:40It's just that when you're out on these dates, it takes two to tango.
00:49:44That's all I'm saying.
00:49:46I am starving.
00:49:47Should I check with the hostess?
00:49:48This is crazy.
00:49:49Just face it, okay?
00:49:50We're never getting it.
00:49:51And here's a new thought for you.
00:49:52I am not the problem.
00:49:54You know, I don't even know why I try.
00:49:56Way to be introspective.
00:49:57Way to be open-minded.
00:49:58I don't even know why I'd expect anything else.
00:50:00Yeah, you're completely wrong.
00:50:01I cannot even believe you think that.
00:50:03You know what?
00:50:05Whatever.
00:50:06I'm gonna go talk to the hostess.
00:50:08Okay.
00:50:09Beyond that, though, you've got an even bigger bugaboo since you're also not having sex.
00:50:15Yeah.
00:50:16Hey, look, you're the one who said he hates small talk.
00:50:18He's got a point, my man, if you're not having sex and you don't have the proper confidence
00:50:21and without that you're sunk.
00:50:22Oh, so I should just have sex then?
00:50:25Without question.
00:50:26That'll happen easy as pie as soon as you do one simple thing.
00:50:28What's that?
00:50:29I know where you're standing.
00:50:30Unbelievable.
00:50:31Don't look at me like that.
00:50:32It's downright insulting to women if you don't try to have sex with them.
00:50:35I mean, she may say no, but at least she gets the pleasure of having to give you the old pies.
00:50:38Oh, my God.
00:50:39Look, no one knows why this is.
00:50:40Men are fucking disgusting.
00:50:41How a woman can even be with a man is a miracle to us all.
00:50:43Hetero guys, for sure.
00:50:44I mean, but let's face it.
00:50:45All guys lose their sense of mojo without copulation.
00:50:47Stupid, but true.
00:50:48Bingo!
00:50:49And this is not rocket science.
00:50:50A man, woman, part, part, plug, and play.
00:50:52You don't think she's very smart?
00:50:53Fine.
00:50:54But she's attractive?
00:50:55Have sex with her.
00:50:56You don't like her politics, her taste issues, the pronunciation of her name, her inability
00:50:59to read, speak in complete, fully formed sentences, load a dishwasher, pass fucking gas?
00:51:03But you think she's kind of nice?
00:51:05Have sex with her.
00:51:06Have sex with her and a few other chicks just like her.
00:51:08Then, walk into a date with a woman you actually do like carrying a brand new mojo.
00:51:12The confident I have sex all the time, motherfuckers.
00:51:14So get up on this dick mojo.
00:51:16Then, have sex with that chick.
00:51:18Hell, maybe even marry her.
00:51:19I don't know.
00:51:20But what I do know?
00:51:21We will all be a lot happier waiting this line next week talking about something other
00:51:25than your fucking lacking sex life.
00:51:27Look, I know this is hard to hear.
00:51:29I get it.
00:51:30I get it.
00:51:31But that's what I'm telling you.
00:51:32We love you.
00:51:33Alright?
00:51:34We love you, Charlie.
00:51:35So just listen up.
00:51:36Okay, so we're not having brunch, but listen to the advice from this guy.
00:51:42You give the best advice ever.
00:51:45Look, Charlie, just be nice to these women, okay?
00:51:49Embrace them for who they are.
00:51:51Right.
00:51:52Straight out of Sing Sing.
00:51:59Oh!
00:52:00Oh!
00:52:01Found it!
00:52:02And what's vodka without limes, right?
00:52:03Yeah.
00:52:04Whew!
00:52:05Cheers.
00:52:06Vodka tonics in our light.
00:52:08Oh, I only had soda.
00:52:09I hope that's okay.
00:52:10It's fine.
00:52:11It's fine.
00:52:12It's fine.
00:52:13Okay.
00:52:14It's fine.
00:52:16It's fine.
00:52:17It's fine.
00:52:18Okay.
00:52:19You're fine.
00:52:20No, you're fine.
00:52:21No, you're fine.
00:52:22It's fine.
00:52:23It's fine.
00:52:24It's fine.
00:52:25It's fine.
00:52:26But it's fine.
00:52:27Okay.
00:52:28fine. It's fine. It's just fine. Soda's just fine. Your apartment's nice. Thanks. Yeah,
00:52:41sure. Um, I'll bet you get really nice light in here and that you had a low broker's fee.
00:52:48Um, Charlie, you okay? Fine. Fine. You are just fine. You are just motherfucking fine. Don't be
00:53:02conflicted. Don't be weird. You go in there, you drink your vodka goddamn soda, you take
00:53:08that woman's clothes off and you get your mojo back. Oh, hey. Mary, it's kind of dark.
00:53:18I can't really see you. Don't worry, Tagger. I've got you covered.
00:53:26Ha ha.
00:53:37Shake, shake it, make some noise. Boys get your girls and girls get your boys. Take a shot,
00:53:45take a lot. We got more. I'm pouring beads like tequila to keep you moving on the floor.
00:53:53You make me feel like I'm yours tonight. Ooh, you make me feel like I'm yours tonight. Ooh,
00:54:07you make me feel like I'm yours tonight. Ooh, you make me feel even more tonight. Ooh,
00:54:19you make me feel love for everyone. Like we're yours tonight. You make me feel like the only one.
00:54:34Like we're yours tonight. Ooh, you make me feel like I'm yours tonight.
00:54:40Like I'm yours tonight. Ooh, you make me feel like I'm not the only one.
00:54:41I don't even know.
00:54:42I don't know.
00:55:12More personal and intercourse in my ass.
00:55:36What makes you so entitled to make that request anyway?
00:55:39Excuse me, but I am not aroused by triggering my gag reflex.
00:55:42No woman is a fucking sex man.
00:55:43No more crap about semen being good for your hair or your skin.
00:55:47It's not good for anything except for when it comes out your dick.
00:55:50It's good for you.
00:55:51Can you believe the son of a bitch ate asparagus last night?
00:55:54Oh my God.
00:55:55Asparagus.
00:55:56You sick fuck.
00:55:57What?
00:55:58What?
00:55:58Is pineapple juice beneath you?
00:55:59I'm sorry, but I like it.
00:56:00It's delicious and refreshing.
00:56:01Or maybe you just enjoy demeaning women.
00:56:03You can't wax my fucking pussy and you can't wax your fucking dick.
00:56:06No, you can't.
00:56:07You can't wax your dick.
00:56:08Fucking blowjobs and television sports.
00:56:10Yeah, you motherfucker.
00:56:11TV is fucking TV.
00:56:11That's all you care about.
00:56:13Nobody cares about your fucking fantasy team.
00:56:15Turn it off and take off the trash and grab the TV.
00:56:18Take the trash out.
00:56:18Fucking TV.
00:56:19Turn it off and take off the fucking TV.
00:56:22Turn it off.
00:56:23Turn it off.
00:56:24Turn it off.
00:56:24Turn it off.
00:56:25Turn it off.
00:56:25Turn it off.
00:56:25Oh.
00:56:25Oh.
00:56:27Oh Christ.
00:56:28Oh, my God.
00:56:58CHOIR SINGS
00:57:28CHOIR SINGS
00:57:58CHOIR SINGS
00:58:00CHOIR SINGS
00:58:02CHOIR SINGS
00:58:04CHOIR SINGS
00:58:06CHOIR SINGS
00:58:08CHOIR SINGS
00:58:10CHOIR SINGS
00:58:12CHOIR SINGS
00:58:14CHOIR SINGS
00:58:16CHOIR SINGS
00:58:18CHOIR SINGS
00:58:20CHOIR SINGS
00:58:22CHOIR SINGS
00:58:24CHOIR SINGS
00:58:26CHOIR SINGS
00:58:28CHOIR SINGS
00:58:30CHOIR SINGS
00:58:32CHOIR SINGS
00:58:34CHOIR SINGS
00:58:36CHOIR SINGS
00:58:38CHOIR SINGS
00:58:40CHOIR SINGS
00:58:42CHOIR SINGS
00:58:44CHOIR SINGS
00:58:46CHOIR SINGS
00:58:48CHOIR SINGS
00:58:50CHOIR SINGS
00:58:52CHOIR SINGS
00:58:54CHOIR SINGS
00:58:56CHOIR SINGS
00:58:58Oh, look, I get it. I do. Look, I feel for you.
00:59:00I'm really glad that we had this little talk, but, uh, it's okay with you.
00:59:07How about I get married?
00:59:28Oh, it sure has been a long time. Well, congratulations.
00:59:34Oh, thank you. I'm sure they'll have many happy years together.
00:59:36Now, you too. Don't be strangers.
00:59:38Hey, you're not going to get away from us just yet.
00:59:40Not without us first seeing that young lady friend of yours.
00:59:43Oh, yes, we haven't seen her tonight yet. What was her name again, dear?
00:59:46Angela.
00:59:47Angela. That's right. Such nice hair and skin.
00:59:50That's so sweet.
00:59:53Now, where can we find her?
00:59:56I'm sorry. Would you excuse me?
00:59:58Guys, no.
00:59:59You know, you have a resting bitch face, but I have something for you.
01:00:02You arrogant punk. I will throw you out of here on your ear.
01:00:05Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, fellas, fellas, we are at a wedding.
01:00:08A wedding of two people that we love very much,
01:00:11which is why we are going to keep our heads just for one day.
01:00:15We're going to have a very nice time,
01:00:16and we're going to enjoy this wonderfully generous open bar.
01:00:18Okay?
01:00:18I'm sorry, sir.
01:00:20Can we please give Mr. Tuck here another drink?
01:00:23There you go.
01:00:25And we're going to apologize.
01:00:28Now, now that's what I'm talking about right there.
01:00:32That's a wonderfully hospitable gesture, wouldn't you say?
01:00:39Adorable.
01:00:39What is wrong with you, Bryce?
01:00:44What, you don't think he's adorable?
01:00:45You're a member of the wedding party, for Christ's sake.
01:00:47You can't avoid getting into an all-out brawl by, what, your third drink?
01:00:50Fucker sat in my chair. What do you want me to do?
01:00:52He sat in your chair.
01:00:52He's the father of the goddamn bride.
01:00:55All right, well, whatever. He should know better.
01:00:57And just for the record, this is my fourth drink.
01:00:59And you know what? You can just try to be this much less of an asshole.
01:01:02Oh, please.
01:01:03If you want to do this narcissistic shit on your own time, be my guest.
01:01:06But at least try not to do it at your friend's wedding.
01:01:08You don't want to talk?
01:01:10You don't think yourself involved brooding over every chick you've ever dated since birth is getting old?
01:01:13You know what? Fuck you, dude.
01:01:15Oh, shit. Hey, what's with the potty mouth all of a sudden?
01:01:18Yeah, you know what? I do have a potty mouth.
01:01:19And this potty mouth is sick of your shit.
01:01:21My shit?
01:01:21Yeah, because you would never cause a scene at a friend's wedding, would you?
01:01:26You're a dick.
01:01:28Christ, dude.
01:01:29You know, your ex didn't waste any time getting her shit back together. What's your problem?
01:01:32What are you talking about?
01:01:33Give me a break. Like you don't know Angela got engaged.
01:01:39Carrots are shit.
01:01:40You're a nice guy, man.
01:01:42Okay.
01:01:43A little boring, but Vince likes you. She can't be that bad.
01:01:45But you gotta get your shit together here.
01:01:50Do us both a favor.
01:01:51Just look on one of those for a little while, okay?
01:01:53And just keep quiet.
01:01:55We've got a nice long night ahead of us.
01:01:56We're just gonna calm down.
01:01:58Just shake it off.
01:01:59Drink some drinks.
01:02:00Smoke some stokies.
01:02:02And crush.
01:02:03Oh, yeah.
01:02:04A little ass.
01:02:08Good talk.
01:02:11This is yours.
01:02:21I'd like to propose a toast.
01:02:32To my best buddy, Charlie, who, God help us all, is about to give his best man speech.
01:02:37To Charlie Carroll.
01:02:39You know, when I first met Charlie, I thought he was a complete idiot.
01:02:43Then he opened his mouth and proved me right.
01:02:45Come on, Charlie.
01:02:47Come on up here.
01:02:48Charlie.
01:02:56Well, hold on now, Charlie.
01:02:58Where's that young lady friend of yours?
01:03:00Yes, Angela.
01:03:00Such a pretty girl.
01:03:01Did I mention, my new fiancé's got a really big dick.
01:03:04Quite a bit more sizable than yours.
01:03:06I definitely love middle-of-the-night sex with him.
01:03:09Little guy.
01:03:10Sick.
01:03:11America.
01:03:11Shouldn't you be giving a speech?
01:03:13Oh, my God, that'd be the perfect way to hear about every chick you've dated.
01:03:15It's probably better to complain.
01:03:17Where do you hurt?
01:03:18Any man with a pulse in America says he'll get a date.
01:03:20Asparagus!
01:03:21Yeah, I don't eat meat.
01:03:22Where do you go to sleep?
01:03:23Because something's wrong with him.
01:03:24Anybody can see that.
01:03:25Way to be introspective.
01:03:26Right, because you would never cause a scene with a friend to any worse.
01:03:29Yeah.
01:03:29You know what your problem is, Charlie?
01:03:31You.
01:03:39To Cathy and Vince.
01:03:48To Cathy and Vince.
01:03:50Oh, yeah!
01:03:51You always know it when you get it.
01:04:07Hey, uh, that was a really amazing speech you've been.
01:04:17Thank you very much.
01:04:19I wish I could remember it.
01:04:22Wow.
01:04:24Yeah.
01:04:24I mean, I've never seen an entire crowd of people in tears like that.
01:04:29And the way you delivered it, like, almost catatonic at times.
01:04:32It was...
01:04:33It was moving, to say the least.
01:04:36Well, here's to what alcoholics refer to as a moment of clarity.
01:04:51You don't, uh, recognize me, do you?
01:04:56It's okay.
01:04:57It'll come to you.
01:04:58Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
01:05:04Holy shit.
01:05:05I thought we could take it out of you.
01:05:07Yeah, it's okay.
01:05:07You know what?
01:05:08Lorelai, by the way.
01:05:09Charlie, I...
01:05:09I didn't ask for your number that day, and...
01:05:13I've been regretting it ever since.
01:05:15Really?
01:05:16I did not see that coming.
01:05:19I swear to God.
01:05:19True story.
01:05:20You...
01:05:21You were so charming.
01:05:23Infinitely better than the jobs in this video.
01:05:26That was a good one.
01:05:27So, please, um, accept my apology for my non-attempt.
01:05:32It was clearly uncalled for.
01:05:35Well, I mean, now that I've heard the part of your speech where vegetarianism abandoned you.
01:05:41Holy cow, by the way.
01:05:43You know, maybe I can let this one slide.
01:05:46Well, I won't make that mistake twice, so, you know, beware.
01:05:49Well, no.
01:05:53Although, I must say that you're lucky, because a girl not quite as confident as me might worry or wonder why a guy or a gentleman such as yourself didn't ask for her number.
01:06:04She could wonder for a whole ten minutes.
01:06:06Could leave a scar.
01:06:07Oh, scars.
01:06:08Well, that is something that I know a lot about.
01:06:10But, to be honest, there was...
01:06:12There's nothing to wonder.
01:06:14You, I...
01:06:15God, I was thrilled with.
01:06:17Me, on the other hand, then...
01:06:20Not so much.
01:06:22Mr. Damaged Goods.
01:06:23Ah.
01:06:24I should put that on my driver's license.
01:06:26Definitely should.
01:06:27Yeah.
01:06:28The rebound.
01:06:28Yeah.
01:06:29And, of course, compounded by the job situation.
01:06:32I'm still unemployed, by the way.
01:06:34But I'm sure you can understand.
01:06:35No.
01:06:35Actually, I got a job a few months ago.
01:06:37You get it, so, um...
01:06:40I was getting out of this relationship with this girl, Angela, and...
01:06:48I don't know.
01:06:48The thing about Angela...
01:06:49The thing about her is...
01:07:05Is she's in the past.
01:07:07And I live here.
01:07:08In reality.
01:07:10It's great to see you, by the way.
01:07:13It's great to see you, too.
01:07:14I love this song.
01:07:21No, seriously.
01:07:22Do you remember this song?
01:07:24Yeah.
01:07:24Like, from back in the day?
01:07:25How could I forget it?
01:07:26I adore this song.
01:07:27That's good.
01:07:27I used to roller skate to this song.
01:07:30Yeah, totally did.
01:07:31I used to roller skate to this song.
01:07:33Okay.
01:07:33I swear.
01:07:34Yeah.
01:07:35Backward skate.
01:07:35Backward skate only, please.
01:07:37Backward skate.
01:07:38Reverse.
01:07:39Oh, yeah.
01:07:40I remember that.
01:07:41But, you know...
01:07:42I can probably do you one better.
01:07:46Couple skate only, please.
01:07:47Couple skate only.
01:07:48All other skaters, please clear the floor.
01:07:57Now, I know what you're thinking.
01:08:01But the point here isn't Lorelai turning out to be the one.
01:08:06No.
01:08:07For me, that weekend,
01:08:08it was good enough to see some old friends united with their ones.
01:08:12A nice reminder to help get me on my way.
01:08:17Interestingly, however,
01:08:18even though it took some time off relaxing,
01:08:22attaining a finer appreciation for introspection,
01:08:26finding a therapist willing to discard Abyssin philosophies
01:08:30in exchange for more helpful Swedish techniques,
01:08:35and, of course, getting over a well-earned case of the clap,
01:08:38I finally got my act together,
01:08:42created a bit of my own luck,
01:08:44and faced life, at long last, happier.
01:08:50And to me, really, that's the crazy part.
01:08:53Rather than putting on a show to create psychological band-aids,
01:08:57going out of our way to hide our feelings,
01:09:00perhaps we can start by taking comfort in the experiences themselves,
01:09:07both good and bad.
01:09:12The ones that come with loving another person
01:09:14and being lucky enough to be loved in return.
01:09:19Life's Valleys,
01:09:24Life's Valleys,
01:09:26More than an easy feeling
01:09:28She brings joy to me
01:09:32I feel I'll tell you what it means to me
01:09:37Flow like a lazy river
01:09:41For an eternity
01:09:43And especially Life's Peaks
01:09:47Feeling them at their fullest
01:10:06and reminding us why it's so great
01:10:08simply being alive in the first place
01:10:10Living lives filled with love
01:10:22Real love
01:10:24That we get to feel
01:10:27Honoring the rare treasures of those relationships
01:10:40by simply sitting back
01:10:41Being thankful for our lives
01:10:45And enjoying the ride
01:10:52At least, I think that's what Oprah says
01:11:04I think that's what Oprah says
01:11:06Is that what Oprah says
01:11:07Walking about her
01:11:36Will you see me in the sky?
01:11:40Hey, give me a hand, buddy.
01:11:42OK, come on.
01:11:43Hey.
01:12:06All right.
01:12:35Goodbye, Charles.
01:12:37See ya.
01:12:40Let's see what he left in here.
01:12:44That'll cover the drinks.
01:12:54You know, in America, we're gentlemen.
01:12:57Gentlemen give each other time to speak.
01:12:59So if you, just let me finish.
01:13:05Let me kiss you again.
01:13:10My lord, I think it's nice.
01:13:13People are invited.
01:13:14Let us go.
01:13:16Let us go.
01:13:17Let us go.
01:13:18Leonie, party of four.
01:13:20Leonie?
01:13:21Party of four?
01:13:22Leon, Leonie?
01:13:23Leonie, party of four.
01:13:25We're brummen vielleicht in the same booker.
01:13:27Oh, showen Sie mich.
01:13:29Oh, showen Sie mich.
01:13:30Oh, showen Sie mich.
01:13:31Oh, showen Sie mich.
01:13:32Oh, showen Sie mich.
01:13:33Oh, showen Sie mich.
01:13:34Yay!
01:13:35Yeah, it's catchy like the clap, all right.
01:13:36I have the clap.
01:13:41It's like, shh.
01:13:42It's like
01:14:10Maybe inviting another girl into the bedroom
01:14:12Maybe you could watch us
01:14:14Astronomical
01:14:23Yeah, businesswoman
01:14:25Can someone give me a job?
01:14:40I don't know
01:14:45I don't know
01:14:49I don't know
01:14:52Hand me in my hand
01:14:55Outside
01:15:06Like I shouldule
01:15:12Toe dipshit
01:15:14Turn the TV on
01:15:15Turn hisתח蒸
01:15:16Turn that fucking TV up
01:15:17Turn it off
01:15:18Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
01:15:42That's because something's wrong with him.
01:15:43Anybody can see that.
01:15:44It's because something's wrong with him.
01:15:49Anybody can see that.
01:15:53Excuse me.
01:15:54It's because something's wrong with him.
01:15:57Anybody can see that.
01:15:59Ben?
01:16:00Anything else?
01:16:06Right, because on this dark street,
01:16:08these two huge thugs with machetes.
01:16:11And nunchucks.
01:16:12And really bad skin.
01:16:14I'm sorry.
01:16:16I'm so sorry.
01:16:17Ugh.
01:16:27Holy shit.
01:16:29Seriously?
01:16:30Yeah, I know.
01:16:37Compromises.
01:16:38What the fuck?
01:16:40Compromises.
01:16:43Oh, fuck me.
01:16:44Fuck me hard.
01:16:45Fuck me so fucking hard.
01:16:54Peek-a-bale.
01:16:55Peek-a-bale.
01:16:57Peek-a-bale.
01:16:58Woo!
01:16:58Resulting in your eternal damnation straight to hell.
01:17:07Oh, stop it.
01:17:09I...
01:17:10What?
01:17:15And what's back with that line, right?
01:17:18Yeah.
01:17:19Ha-ha.
01:17:20If you're thirsty.
01:17:21Rocky!
01:17:26Margie.
01:17:27Ah!
01:17:33Ha-ha-ha-ha!
01:17:39Oh, I know!
01:17:42which meant he knew how to maximize our animalistic impulses
01:17:50optimally heightening our sexual stimuli five orgasms
01:17:53cinco orgasmos
01:17:55you look like you've done a lot of drugs
01:18:04america okay america not britain i'm wearing the fucking flag pin
01:18:15come on look she's fine i'll let you do that thing to me that you really like i have like
01:18:25a whole lot of lube
01:18:34fuck this don't pay me enough
01:18:40here we go oh my god this is how i do voiceovers in my house
01:18:46five six seven don't let motherhood slow you down babies take and take but it's your turn now
01:18:54so keep on rolling with the smoking stroller so keep on rolling in the smoking stroller
01:18:59available at fine stores near you so keep on what do you do i don't know
01:19:03okay let's just keep doing it
01:19:06don't let motherhood slow you down babies take and take but it's your turn now
01:19:11so keep on rolling in the smoking stroller
01:19:14that was awesome
01:19:17okay
01:19:18don't let motherhood slow you down babies take and take but it's your turn now
01:19:24so keep on rolling in the smoking stroller
01:19:27we're in the pocket now that was the best one
01:19:29want to do another one
01:19:30don't let motherhood slow you down babies take and take but it's your turn now
01:19:36so keep on rolling in the smoking stroller
01:19:39that was a jingle man that was a good one
01:19:41damn
01:19:42did we get it
01:19:43oh my god
01:19:45didn't look for it
01:19:46so keep on rolling in full
01:19:47you know you can get a obligation so fast
01:19:48but when we're in school now we haven't had a feeling about to make a scene
01:19:50that's not doing something that's a good reason
01:19:51like a PKer
01:19:52so I'm not too risky
01:19:54I was not too intimidated
01:19:54this patronage
01:19:55so not as far as being full of human whole
01:19:55so alabya
01:19:56toocasal
01:19:56but if you're kommer in the toxic
01:19:57I know we've been being a little bit
01:20:01a little bit tö lighter
01:20:02so that the natural beauty that you just woah
01:20:04no
01:20:05I know
01:20:05we've got a little bit of dudes
01:20:06which are not going here
01:20:07I've got people now
01:20:08because if you're your turn now
01:20:09you'll see your turn now
01:20:11but they're not bu사
01:20:13I love you.
01:20:43Seven donkeys, take five.
01:20:47How many donkeys?
01:20:48Six and seven.
01:20:50So like here?
01:20:51A little higher?
01:20:53There.
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