- 2 days ago
On a travel tip from Ray Bradbury, Bugs ends up in King Arthur's time and is mistaken for a "dwagon" by the always astute Sir Elmer of Fudde.
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Short filmTranscript
00:00Shhh. Be very, very quiet. I'm hunting dragons.
00:19Dragon tracks.
00:30Dragon tracks.
00:49Dragon tracks.
00:58My bunny lies over the ocean, and my bunny lies over the sea.
01:16My bunny lies over the ocean.
01:20Oh, bring back my bunny to me.
01:23Bring back.
01:25Bring back.
01:26Oh, bring back my bunny to me, to me.
01:30Bring back.
01:31Bring back.
01:33Oh, bring back my bunny to me.
01:37Well, here I am.
01:40The Georgia Peanut Festival.
01:42And for once, all the peanuts I can eat.
01:49Hey, just a peanut-plucking minute.
01:52This don't look like plain old Georgia to me.
01:56This looks more like Pittsburgh.
02:06I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque.
02:10Well, I'd better ask around.
02:13I wonder if they speak English in Pittsburgh.
02:16Yep, it's Pittsburgh all right.
02:22Good old Smokey.
02:24Something wicked this way went.
02:33See?
02:34Well, I've got peace here.
02:36Something wicked this way went.
02:50Never again, never, never again do I take travel hints from Ray Bradbury.
02:56Him and his shortcuts.
02:59The last time I took Bradbury's advice, I ended up in the 25th century as a Martian monocle.
03:06On Mars yet?
03:08This time I end up in some kind of lizard factory.
03:22What's up, Duke?
03:25What's up, forsooth?
03:28Thou art the prisoner of my wance.
03:31Wance? Did you say wance?
03:33Yes, wance.
03:35My spear.
03:37My javelin.
03:39Oh, that wance.
03:42Yes, that wance, thou fire-eating dragon.
03:46Fire-eating dragon?
03:48Hey, look, Doc, I'm not a fire-eating dragon.
03:51I'm a carrot-eating rabbit.
03:55See?
03:55Listen, dragon, don't try to fool me.
04:00I followed thy tracks for woe these many moons, and now I'm taking you to King Arthur's Court.
04:07King Arthur's Court?
04:09Is that where I am?
04:10That Bradbury, what a jokester.
04:18Oh, well, as they say, when you can't fight it, lie back and enjoy it.
04:23In Scarlet Town, where I was born, there was a fair maid dwellin'.
04:30Made every lad cry well-a-day.
04:33Her name was Barbara Allen.
04:38Pittsburgh?
04:39Camelot.
04:40And having searched for this terrible dragon a thousand weeks or more, saving hundreds of maidens in distress from distress,
04:57having killed platoons of knights in chivalrous combat, I found a trail and tracks of this brimstone-swiggin' dragon,
05:07this dreadful, sky-towering monster.
05:11But this trail went through strange and fearsome woods, and I must need whopped the heads off seven giants at one sweep.
05:20Then I fought a pitched, frightening battle with 18 Wessler dragons, swaying them all.
05:28It's funny, I somehow never thought of King Arthur as being a duck.
05:33Then, after my coffee break...
05:38Barbecued dragon makes a mighty tasty dish, Your Majesty.
05:43Finally, Your Majesty, I traced this terrible dragon to his ware.
05:49Ware? I didn't even know I had a ware.
05:53Do you perchance mean a burrow?
05:55A... A hoe in the ground?
05:58How about just for laughs, we draw and quarter him first?
06:03Whatever turns you on.
06:05Draw and quarter the varmint!
06:07How do you like those apples, dragon? You're gonna be drawn and quartered.
06:13Dwan? Dwan? Oh, you mean drawn, like an animated cartoonist, Dwan.
06:20Well, naturally, I know all about that.
06:23I've been in the business for years, and I won't even be born until 1940.
06:27As for quarters, well, any old place. Nice view, private bath.
06:33Will you shut up, you loud-mouthed dragon?
06:36Oh, as to that, well, I can shut up, all right. Anytime anybody asks me to shut up, I always shut up.
06:42Shutting up is one of my virtues. I'm considered very shutty-uppy in my crowd.
06:46Shut up, shuttin' up!
06:48Now you've hurt my feelings. Other dragons get to shut up. I never get to do anything.
06:58Well, gosh, Norman, I didn't mean to make you cry. After all, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
07:06Why, you... Take him out and roast him at the steak!
07:10Steak? Roast?
07:12Me? Roast me at the steak? That stings. He wouldn't dare.
07:22Eat there.
07:31Well, one thing's for sure. Either I'm Joan of Arc, which I'm not, or according to Mr. Mark Twain,
07:38I'm a Connecticut Yankee Rabbit in King Arthur's Court. If so, then there's going to be an eclipse of the sun about now.
07:46Better check, though.
07:47I beg your pardon, Sir Lina Pork, but would you happen to have the date?
07:52Well, yes, certainly, fair sir. It's January... June... July... September... June...
08:03One week of the year of... No, week of the year of... 528.
08:11528! 528! It's the right date!
08:15Yes, sir, fair sir. It's two minutes past the hour of... Noon.
08:24At the right time, too.
08:26All right, varlet! Start the dragon roast!
08:30I'm sorry, but we varlets have to roast dragons if we're told to.
08:39I'd be aware of them!
08:45Release me or I shall blot out the sun.
08:49And I will, too.
08:53I will smutter the whole oit with darkness!
08:57Lucas, now. It happens in now.
09:09Why, that dirty Twixta, he is abut-a-witting the sun.
09:14The sun. It's vanishing. It's vanishing, all right.
09:17What'll I do? It's the only sun I have.
09:20Everybody knows the king has to have a sun.
09:23Sun Shmun, roast that dragon.
09:25Listen, Buster, curb thy fat lip or hide thee to the unemployment office.
09:31I hate rabbit dragons.
09:36Release that noble creature and give him half my kingdom.
09:40And other valuable emoluments.
09:41I still think that was some sort of sleight of hand.
09:45Just you wait, Henry Dragon. Just you wait. I'll get you yet.
09:50Thanks loads, Doc. That eucalyptus overcoat was getting a little itchy.
09:55And now, sir, restore the sun, please. Pretty please.
09:58Half my kingdom. Emoluments.
10:01Sure, Doc. Any little ting.
10:03You can come out of hiding now, baby.
10:09Nice trick.
10:12Hmm, I don't suppose you'd settle for a quarter of my kingdom, would you?
10:17Or an eighth?
10:18A sixteenths are nice, too.
10:21Thirty seconds?
10:22I'll throw in a secondhand court magician.
10:24After all, a thirty-second of England is easily equal to two blocks in downtown Dallas.
10:31Look, Doc, I don't dig kingdoms, but if thou wouldst grant me a boon,
10:36I would like to rent one of your fire-breeding dragons for a while.
10:40Well, what's for hay?
10:42That doesn't seem unreasonable.
10:44Probably misses his own people.
10:46Thy boon is granted, sir.
10:48Actually, I picked it up for a song.
11:17Oh, somebody's country shack.
11:20But what I really needed was a source of cheap, clean power.
11:24That's where the dragon came in.
11:32With dragon power, for each ton of brimstone,
11:36you get about three million horsepower.
11:40Dragon power?
11:43Steam power?
11:44Electric power.
11:49Simplicity itself.
11:51But aren't dragons terribly dangerous to work with?
11:56No, they're like cats.
11:58Feed them and they sleep most of the time.
12:00It's quite remarkable, remarkable, astonishing, astonishing, wonderful, but how can you make a living selling armor to knights
12:13who already have their armor tin suits?
12:17Knights?
12:17Why, heck, Doc, I wouldn't make anything for them two-legged tanks.
12:22I make armor for endangered species.
12:24Yeah, you see, when knights aren't out being chivalrous and stabbing helpless dragons with those 20-foot toothpicks of theirs,
12:38they like to get together and kill ferocious foxes and squirrels and deer.
12:44And in here, we have our display room where we show our floor models.
12:51For instance, this is our basic fox model guaranteed to frustrate fox hunters and to send foxhounds to the dentist.
13:01This is our deer model, 113A, absolutely spear-proof, lance-proof, arrow-proof, fight-o-moor, can be easily tailored to fit moose, elk, antelope, and other members of the ferocious deer family.
13:20We call this our Tweety Boyd model.
13:23It's unconditionally guaranteed for 10 years against cats.
13:28Now, over here, we also have mouse armor.
13:32It, too, is designed to frustrate cats.
13:35But, uh, we try to be fair.
13:38We have cat armor guaranteed to frustrate dogs.
13:41And this is our latest, fly armor to frustrate fly swatters.
13:47But, uh, that's absurdly, uh, absolutely, uh, silly.
13:52How can he fly with all that heavy eye-ART armor on?
13:57Details, details.
13:58Now, here we have our Acme little giant rooster suit.
14:02Guaranteed against hatchets.
14:04Uh, roosters are allergic to hatchets.
14:07I, uh, didn't know that.
14:09Rattlesnakes don't need much protection, but, uh, they get irritable if they're left out.
14:14So, uh, we made this up.
14:16Now, here is my masterpiece.
14:19It's a porcupine.
14:25Thanks. Uh-oh.
14:28Uh-oh.
14:29Look who's tracked this down.
14:31Old Sir Elmer of Fudd himself.
14:34All decked out in his steel tuxedo.
14:37Aha! Caught up with you at last, didn't I, you scoundry rabbit dragon?
14:42We'll see now how you like a taste of my lance.
15:04All right, what's the big idea of sticking that toad stabber into my...
15:08Oh-ho! Turning thyself into a rabbit again, eh, Mr. Wise Dragon?
15:14Well, it's not gonna save you this time.
15:20We will meet on the Field of Honor.
15:23Field of Honor it is, Donk.
15:25But my turnsies with the glove trick first.
15:29Choose your weapons.
15:32Uh, Camelotti will be, uh, uh, battle cry of freedom in-in advertiser.
15:38...September the, uh, uh, uh, 21st, 5--t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-th-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t.
15:47edition. Duel to the death, main event. It's Sir Elmer of Fudd versus Bugus Bunny of Carrot
15:58Patchville, U, S, and A. It's two falls out of three, two falls out of three, two falls
16:08out of two. Catch Kent, Merlin of the Monroe, and Porky of the Pig seconds. It makes you
16:19humble, and sort of proud.
16:21This is the part I really dig about being a king. All those idiots down there hacking away
16:39at each other. And me, safely up here, out of it. Being hacked is not only stupid, it
16:46hurts. And remember, I want you to make dragon cutlets out of that rabbit. And remember
16:53too, he's a patsy for a left hook to the upper epiglottis. Don't worry, I'll give him a left
17:00hook white in the epiglottis. Are you ready to enter the list, Sir Bugs? Well, I'm certainly
17:08not ready to enter the list of best dressed knights. This iron underwear is rather stiff.
17:16Let the tournament of the slaughter begin.
17:46Cheer up, Sir Osus of the liver. A mousse is as good as a mule. Right, mule? But so, what
18:01light from yonder window breaks? Well, it certainly isn't Juliet, unless she's grown a mustache.
18:07Not like me, please. Stop it, you crazy idiot. Can't you see
18:21You're tanglin' up my whiskers?
18:36Chivalry. Big deal.
18:38It's ridiculous.
18:43Ah, hates rabbit dragons.
18:51Oh, it is the laugh.
18:55Ever see a knight in a knight's shirt?
18:58Oh, I'm dyin'.
18:59Bras-a-fretcher brad-a-sack.
19:01Frad-a-bras-a-brad.
19:03Oh!
19:04It is the laugh.
19:06Ever see a knight in a knight's shirt?
19:08Oh, I'm dyin'.
19:08Bras-a-fretcher brad-a-sack.
19:10Frad-,a-bras-a-fret-a-fret-a-oing.
19:11Ooh!
19:12Ooh!
19:13Oh!
19:15A- keinbah-a-fro-fro-fro-fro-fro-fro-fro-fro.
19:18Oig!
19:20Stop it, you crazy idiot!
19:48Okay, Dragon.
19:49Why am I gonna blow this perch Pread for a while in a while?
19:55Come on, el, el, el, el.
19:56El é, el, el, el.
19:59El, el, el, el.
20:01El, el, el, el, el.
20:08El, el... El.
20:09El, el.
20:09El, el, el, el.
20:11El, el, el, elud.
20:16Y.
20:17I-I-I mustn't look anymore. I'll-I'll die.
20:34Persistent little devils, aren't they?
20:45Rabbit dragon at three o'clock.
20:47Ready, aim, fire!
21:17Okay, rabbit dragon. Prepare to meet your maker.
21:24Just a cotton-picking minute. You can't use that. Gunpowder hasn't been invented yet.
21:32Has it?
21:33No, it hasn't. And with any luck, maybe it never will be.
21:39I could be wrong, you know. Oh, well. Live in line.
21:47God dang caniglion lappin' dragon. Rampin' frappin' cameo lizard.
21:54Well, I guess we have time to take a coffee break before the next episode in this gripping drama.
22:01Hey, look at that neat carrot slicer.
22:03Pity to leave it out in the open this way.
22:08Uh, carrot slicers rust easy, you know.
22:11Okay, sweetie. Come on out. Don't be shy.
22:15That's it, Nile.
22:16Whosoever shall draw the sword from the stone shall rightful king of England be.
22:23And anyone who does not like it shall be boiled in baby oil.
22:28Me? King? Oh, you've gotta be kidding.
22:46Oh, you've got to be kidding.
22:49I pledge my allegiance and my loyalty.
22:53Oh, mighty monarch, mighty monarch, king.
22:57Me too, almighty king.
23:00I pledge my allegiance too.
23:03We are thy servants.
23:05You know, maybe he wasn't kidding.
23:10I am thy loyal subject, your majesty.
23:12Well, after all, it is sort of ridiculous for King Arthur to be a duck.
23:29This may call for some rewriting of history books,
23:32but it proves one thing.
23:35The pun is mightier than the sword.
23:42Oh, my God.
24:11¶¶