- 6 months ago
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00Welcome to our self-care conversation, illuminating the importance of our mind,
00:16body, and soul. Thank you for being here for a dynamic conversation about the often overlooked
00:23or under-discussed priority of the mind, body, and soul. My name is Dr. Williametta Simmons. I am
00:32the owner of Integrative Psychological and Consulting Services. I am the recent past
00:38president of the Pennsylvania Psychological Foundation and a co-founder of the Liberia
00:43Medical Mission. I'm joined today by an amazing group of women. I'm going to begin with Sherry
00:52Riley. Hello. I am so excited about our conversation today. Sherry is an author,
01:00empowerment speaker, high-performance life coach to entrepreneurs, celebs, and pro athletes based
01:08right here in the United States. Next is Aisha DeVore-Branch. Hello there. Hi. She is the
01:18founder of Pretty Girl Sweat from the United States. Next, we have Dr. Stacey J. Johnson.
01:28Hi. Dr. Stacey is the best-selling author, love and dating relationship guru, public speaker,
01:38founder of founder of I Want a Good Man University. Yeah. All right, ladies. So tell me a little bit
01:49about your brand and your initiatives and about what guided you in that direction. Okay. So what is it
01:58about you that allowed you to break the glass ceiling in your particular field? I'll start with you,
02:06Sherry. Well, for me, it all started, I always say I'm a small town girl. I'm literally from a town of
02:13about 30,000 people. And when I was a teenager, I had this dream of living in Atlanta. I had never been
02:21working in the music industry. And at this time, there was no music industry in Atlanta. But I had
02:27this dream. And so after a whole lot of years of no's and hard work and prayers, I became the head
02:34of marketing full of face records, right? Home of Toni Braxton, Outkast, Usher, TLC. I had this amazing
02:41career. I love the artists I worked with. I love the people that I worked with. I bought my mother a
02:48home by the age of 27, six figures in my mid-20s, unlimited expense account. And I was miserable.
02:56I was absolutely miserable. And what I discovered is that I was spending 100% of my time on 10% of who
03:05I was. What I discovered is I was pursuing money and success and relationships and love because I
03:13believed all that would give me freedom and that freedom would give me peace. And what I realized is
03:19myself and others, I had it backwards. I needed to pursue the peace first. And so my mission now
03:26is really to help other high performers like myself to understand how to do that. How do you stop
03:33spending 100% of your time on 10% of who you are? How do you live in the power of peace? And I call
03:39that exponential living. I love it. I love it. I love it. How about you, Aisha? Well, my mission is to
03:48make fitness fun, affordable, and accessible for women. And I got inspired to do so because of our former,
03:54but forever, first lady, Michelle Obama, when she launched the Let's Move campaign in the early,
04:00like in 2010, I was just so passionate about helping her and her mission to end childhood
04:06obesity. And as I started doing so much research, I realized that 80% of healthcare decisions in the
04:12home are made by women, particularly mothers. So I'm like, if I could create some sort of platform
04:17that would inspire young people who are, you know, about to embark on motherhood to get active and to
04:24love themselves, or to inspire mothers who kind of have, you know, fallen away to the wayside when it
04:29comes to their healthy living habits. If I could inspire them to stay healthy and happy, I could then
04:35change these alarming statistics for childhood obesity. So that's how, you know, Pretty Girl Sweat came
04:40about. I am also a former athlete, so I know how important being an athlete was to my life. It gave
04:46me so much confidence. It taught me about leadership and the importance of learning how to lose and,
04:51you know, how to win. So all those principles have been put into Pretty Girl Sweat in our platform
04:57and how we inspire a whole entire community of sweat sisters, as we call them, to stay active and to
05:04show that, you know, fitness is cool and that sweating isn't gross. It also isn't masculine. It could be a
05:09beautiful thing. And if we lead by example, we can, you know, have a community of healthy people
05:14following right along with us. I like that. In fact, sweating can be very sexy.
05:20So I'm about to get started after this conversation. Let's do it. Let's get it.
05:27Let's do it. Thank you. And Dr. Stacy. Yes. Hi, everyone. It's so nice to be here today. I wanted to
05:36make sure I greeted each of you, but wow, my mother was married five times and my grandmother
05:43was married three. So let's take a moment and think, how was I ever going to get it right? Okay.
05:49My mother, God rest her soul. She died at 56 years old, going through her fifth divorce. I was 35 at
05:57the time. And one of the things she shared with me more than anything, she said she wanted to show
06:02my sister and I, that love can work. And that just resonated with me after she passed. How was
06:07she going to do that? She had been married five times. Her mother, my grandmother had been married
06:13three. What I realized was I was so proud. I spent a lot of time being proud that I had never gotten
06:19married like them, but I realized I was a serial monogamous. I would meet a guy. I would go out five
06:24times and I would make myself your girlfriend. And I would stay until something horrible happened.
06:30You either had to cheat on me, lie to me. Gosh, you had to possibly start dating my best friend,
06:35like anything, whatever the worst thing that could have happened, something detrimental to my spirit
06:41and my soul and who I was had to happen for me to leave. So what I decided to do was become a self
06:47study. I said, you know what? No more just dating these guys before they actually do the work to
06:54deserve you. What I then started to do, I started to just dating guys without any intimacy, just dating
07:00multiple guys. And what I found out was I would attach myself before they were deserving of me.
07:06And I became more self discovered, more empowered. And I did not settle anymore. Short story. I remember
07:13one of the biggest, um, um, epiphanies I had, I would meet a guy and I would try to morph myself into
07:20whatever they needed. Right. When I started dating, what I realized was the person I would morph myself
07:26into another guy love. I'm like, wait a minute. But it was because I did not date. So my mission is
07:33to inspire the lives of single women, giving them the tools to attract and keep healthy, romantic love
07:39because my mother had love in her life. Absolutely. The men she dated and married loved her. And I can say
07:45my grandmother too, but none of them have the tools to cultivate, create, manifest, cultivate and
07:50create healthy, romantic love. So that's what my mission is. And, um, hopefully before God gives
07:56me my last breath, I inspire the lives of 1 million single women. Cause I know that when you touch one
08:02woman, she's going to touch her daughter. Then she's going to touch her son. And then for generations
08:07to come, my goal is to, um, instill healthy, romantic relationship tools with my single women.
08:14Yeah. I love that so much. You know, I think that, um, what I heard as it relates to kind of
08:21generational patterns that we internalize, uh, and before you know it, we become that very thing
08:27that we don't want to be. The other thing that stuck out to me was the fact that in our effort to not
08:33be like our moms or our grandparents, we can go in the complete opposite direction. It's a bit of a
08:38continuum, right? And either end may not be great, but trying to find yourself so
08:44somewhere in the middle where you are established, you're confident, you know what you want without
08:48necessarily morphing into something. Uh, you know, you aren't, you know, bringing your best self to
08:54the relationship and how critical that is, you know, to win someone over, you have to be whole.
09:03Yeah. And this conversation we're having, I always say, be the love you want to attract,
09:10be the love you want to attract. Yes. I love that. Yeah. I love that. Now, Sherry,
09:19what exactly are the benefits of having a life coach or a mentor? And at what point in someone's life
09:26may they benefit from having a life coach? Well, as far as, at what point do we benefit? I believe
09:33that, um, our life coaches start with our parents or our grandparents or that auntie or that uncle.
09:41Um, we actually have that early in our lives now formalizing it. Um, you can have work with,
09:48there's clients, colleagues of mine that work with teenagers. There's colleagues that work with
09:53college students. So I don't think it's ever too young, uh, to have that actual coach or mentor
09:59and, and really what a life coach is. And, and a lot of times we confuse that. We think that a teacher
10:05is equivalent to a life coach and it's not a teacher has an experience or a frame of reference,
10:11and they actually give you that understanding so that you can appreciate their perspective and learn
10:17from it. Um, or an advocate, an advocate is someone who supports you, uh, a mentor is someone who can
10:24guide you, but a coach, a coach in its purest form is someone that really generally helps you unlock
10:31what's already within you and then hold you accountable to how you become the best you,
10:37the best version of you through the act of discovery, through questions, and then being able to help you
10:43to hear what I say to my clients, 90% of my clients, I just serve as that confident, uh, confidential
10:50resource that allows them to hear their own thoughts because I don't want to teach you.
10:55And then you got to actually come and get from me what I know. I want you to uncover, discover,
11:01and relearn what you already know and how you apply it. So with a life coach, I also tell people
11:09never work with a life coach that doesn't have a coach because a life coach should always be
11:14growing and stretching and holding themselves accountable. I have a spiritual coach. I have
11:18business coaches. I have, um, life coaches. I have mentors and colleagues that we serve as vision
11:25partners that are part of that coaching circle. So always make sure that a life coach is someone who's
11:31really tapped into how they can help you be better, not how they can just say they're great at what
11:37they do. And that's one of the big keys when it comes to identifying the value of a life coach.
11:43Yeah, absolutely. I love what you said about a life coach, you know, being the person that helps you
11:49identify what's within, you know, because I think a lot of times that's, that's where we need the most
11:56help kind of doing some introspection. What is it that's within me that I haven't yet unlocked? And
12:01most of us have not unlocked what's within. So I definitely can see the need of a life coach.
12:07And additionally, the idea of continuous growth is so critical, right? Because at no point should
12:14we stop growing at no point should we start to stop learning or educating ourselves or getting more
12:19fit or, you know, exercising our minds. So that's just really that that stuck out to me. And I love it.
12:24I think let's grow this. Now I want a life coach ASAP. Yes. Yes. Thank you so much for that. And just
12:33as a follow up, Sherry, if someone can't afford a life coach, a trainer or a guru such as yourself,
12:40how could they take steps in terms of their own self-care? Well, there's so many resources that are
12:48available that you don't have to pay for. There's a wealth of positive, solid information available on
12:54YouTube. There's so many amazing podcasts. I mean, I have a series of podcasts that I listen to that I
13:01get enriched that really help me grow. I recommend podcasts and other resources for other for clients
13:08that may not be in a position yet to pay or to expand what the information that they need. So the key
13:15is the information is available. Now, here's the thing. You got to be intentional about what
13:23information you take in, right? Just because someone calls themselves a coach or an expert,
13:29just because they have a million followers or subscriber, describers doesn't mean that they
13:35are the voice that is intended for you and your journey. Also, there's different voices that you
13:41need at different places and stages in your life. There's voices that you may listen to at one stage in
13:47your life. And as you grow, you expand. And then there's other important voices that you can then be
13:52attracted to and then grow from. So never let money, never let money stop you from starting a
13:59business. Never let money stop you from getting the help and the resources that you need, because it's
14:05always available. What we have to do is change our perspective and say that I can only get what I need
14:11through financial exchange versus being intentional about finding the voices, the resources that are
14:18available to me that are going to help me and inform me. Yeah, definitely. How can relationships and
14:24dating hurt or help someone's development? Oh, wow. I believe that relationships in themselves
14:33can't hurt someone's development. I believe that we choosing to have relationships with certain people
14:42can help or can hurt someone's development. I'm really specific with that because for my own
14:47personal power, it has to start with me, right? So my choice can influence that. So what can I do
14:55about that? Well, I can make another choice. And as simple as that sounds, it's difficult. That's why
15:02I agree with Sherry. A coach is sometimes needed. You do have, you do need that accountability partner
15:09sometimes. I have clients that know the work. They know my methodology, but they still need me along
15:15the way because they sometimes don't have the courage to just make another choice. It's simple
15:21as that. Make another choice. Make another choice. It's simple as that. You just have to know, okay,
15:28self-reflection time. What have I done? What choices have I made that have always ended up in heartbreak,
15:35disappointment? What choice is that? Because universe is going to give you that same lesson
15:40over and over again, that same thing. Look at it and make another choice. It's kind of like me and
15:46this pound cake I got over here sitting to the right. I know I could not eat it, right? But someone gave me
15:52a slice of pound and I love pound cake. When I finish, I got to make another choice. I'm talking to
15:58myself, y'all. It has to go because it's 15 COVID pounds have to go too. So it's-
16:06I hear it. I hear that.
16:08That part.
16:09Make another choice. Just make another choice. Go in, go within. Look at what you come out with
16:15every time and make another choice and be committed and intentional with that choice. It sounds simple,
16:20but make another choice.
16:22Yeah. Yeah. I love that. Now this question is for all of you beautiful panelists. And it's specific to
16:30what we're discussing because ultimately when I think of the conversation as a whole, we're talking
16:34about holistic self-care. We're talking about caring for ourselves from the inside out. And a lot of times
16:42it's much easier for us to focus on say our physical health. And sometimes we even focus on our spiritual
16:48health, but there's still some stigma around our mental health, right? So what are some things that
16:57we can do to improve the shunning and the stigma around mental health in our communities?
17:05Well, I will, I'll jump in first. I think the first thing we have to do is allow our men
17:12to be vulnerable and allow our men to be okay with their emotions, right? Emotions are just
17:21an indicator. When you, when you drive your car, when the brake light comes on, the brake light comes
17:28on as an indicator that there's something going on with your brakes. Now, if you don't acknowledge
17:34the brake light, what could have been $30 and changing some brake pads is going to get worse and
17:40worse and worse. And now you're going to spend 300 to 3000 because you got to replace the whole
17:46brake, the whole brakes, right? What we've done, and especially in the black community is we've made
17:52the emotion, we've made the indicator light, such a negative thing that especially black men,
18:00they ignore the indicator light. And so what could have just been a simple fix, brother, you just tired,
18:06take a nap. Now this man has made decision after decision after decision that has caused him
18:12to now have irreparable damage in some situations. So the first thing we have to do is just allow our
18:19men, which will empower our women to understand that emotions are just an indicator that there's
18:25something that is asking for our attention. And when we pay attention to it immediately, a small thing
18:33can be fixed with a simple answer. So mental health is so critical. Remove the stigma of just the emotion
18:43and especially as black women, encourage our black men, especially our young black men, that it's okay
18:50to have that indicator light, which is just emotions. All right. Asia, what are some things you've done
18:58to adjust as you've become a mother and just really continuing to promote self-care, but while
19:06balancing motherhood? I've had to wake up a lot earlier, number one. The only way I can find time
19:12for myself is to get up before my kids get up. Because I mean, if it's during the daytime, I can't
19:18even use the restroom or the bathroom without them like, mom, hey, I need something. I'm like,
19:22I'm in the bathroom. Like, leave me alone. So I find myself, you know, getting up, whether it's 5.30,
19:276 o'clock, just to get my morning routine out of the way so I can feel like I showed up for myself
19:32that day. There's a few things that I have to do every single day where I feel like, not that I'm a
19:37failure, but I just did not accomplish things for me. So number one, I always, you know, will get up
19:42and drink some like lemon water to hydrate myself because I've found that, you know, the more hydrated I
19:48am, the happier I am, the clearer I can think. Next, I take my vitamins. I find some time to read
19:54and have some tea, which is great. I'll exercise and, you know, burn some calories. And then I
20:02really like to take a time to learn something. So I've been studying Spanish. I'm on a 639 day
20:08streak. I love that. Like every single day, I make sure I get that done. And it's just something that
20:15makes me so happy and learning something for myself that will, you know, help my family in
20:20the future as well. So those are the things that I do. And I always use my calendar religiously to
20:25schedule everything from my workouts to what I have to do for them as a mom and what I have to do for
20:31myself, you know, as a business owner and also scheduling time with my friends, which I think
20:35is really important. You know, the pandemic has been really difficult for many of us. And so I found
20:40that, you know, just even if it's a FaceTime call, or if we can safely get together for brunch
20:47or something like that, those little moments mean the world to me as a mother, because I just need
20:52some adult time. Was representation a factor in your pursuit of wellness?
20:58Yeah, definitely for me, I just felt like there were not enough women of color being represented,
21:05especially in the wellness industry. So I wanted to take it upon myself to change the face of
21:10fitness to show that, you know, wellness could be very diverse. Because if doing that, you know,
21:15in doing that, you can definitely inspire more women to live a healthy lifestyle. If I open up a
21:20magazine, or I go to a website, and I don't see images of women who look like me being healthy,
21:25why would I think that I'm supposed to be healthy? So my goal is to show that, you know, not only in
21:31skin color, there's diversity in the body shape of women who are healthy, fit doesn't look one way.
21:37So I've been using our platform to show that and to inspire women of all sizes and, you know,
21:42all races to get moving and find someone that inspires you that looks like you that you can
21:48relate to, to motivate you. So yes. How can people connect with you? Because we're kind of wrapping
21:54up, we're winding down. I have enjoyed, by the way, this conversation so thoroughly. I am grateful and
22:02just like honored to be in the presence of great women. And I appreciate you all for, you know,
22:07just for your time. So before we wrap up, how can, how can people connect with you? And we'll take it
22:14from there.
22:16I'll go first.
22:18All right. Okay, well, you can keep up with me by joining my email list at prettygirlsled.com. You can
22:25also find me on all social media platforms at prettygirlsled. My personal page is at Aisha
22:31DeVore Branch. If you want to catch up with me there on Instagram, or you can text me at 404-737-3254
22:40for direct contact. So those are all the ways you can reach me.
22:44All right. I love it.
22:46And for me, you can definitely connect on Instagram and my website where you can join
22:54my Exponential Living community, which is at Sherry Riley, S-H-E-R-I-R-I-L-E-Y. And then also
23:02you can purchase autographed copies of Exponential Living. Stop spending 100% of your time on 10%
23:09of who you are at peaceisthenewsuccess.com. Peaceisthenewsuccess.com. It's also available
23:17anywhere that audio books and e-books are sold.
23:21Nice.
23:23And you can locate me. Gosh, my link tree has everything. It's L-I-N-K-T-R.E-E slash Stacey,
23:35S-T-A-C-I-I-J-A-E. And my Instagram is justdategirl, at justdategirl. If you're interested in joining
23:45I Want a Good Man University, please do get information from S-T-A-C-I-I-J-A-E johnson.com
23:56slash Patreon, P-A-T-R-E-O-N. And it was a pleasure meeting you too, Dr. Simmons. And this has been
24:03amazing ladies. Sherry and Aisha. Yeah. It's been great.
24:07Yes. Great conversation.
24:10Yes, absolutely. And for me, you can find me on Instagram. My business is integrative underscore
24:17site. Also, you could catch me. My personal page is swits, S-W-Y-T-S, on Instagram as well. Or
24:27if you want to learn more about my practice is ipcswellness.com, www.ipcswellness.com.
24:37It's been such an honor. I do want to give a quick shout out to my humanitarian community.
24:44Every other year we go to Liberia and sometimes every year to really to West Africa to just give
24:51back mental health, physical health care to everyone. And it's 100% free. We take usually
24:57millions of dollars there and just give it to the community there. So next year we are currently
25:02fundraising and looking for donations and all of that good stuff. So please, you're welcome. If
25:08you're interested in being a part of Liberia Medical Mission or you would like to donate to our cause
25:14of improving people's lives holistically, you can find us at liberiamedicalmission.org. Again,
25:23thank you all for joining us. Thank you, ladies. Again, I'm honored. I'm honored. Stay tuned for more
25:30powerful discussions with all of us. Thank you.
25:44Thank you so much to the ladies for providing more insight, experiences, and tools. Let's continue
25:52to expand our knowledge and dialogue surrounding mental health and self-care. We know what that
25:58means now more than ever.
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