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00:00Oh yeah
00:30Hello hello hello hello hello hello hello everyone and welcome back to our virtual essence
00:52wellness house my name is rachel davis and i am the senior editor for live events here
00:59at essence and thank you guys all so much for tuning in today's session that we're going
01:04to be chatting about is all about tackling stress and anxiety in the midst of a global
01:09pandemic and here to do that i have our esteemed expert for the day dr sherry blake and we're
01:15very happy to have you so welcome dr sherry just a little bit about dr sherry just a little
01:22about dr sherry she's one of the most highly sought after media experts in the area of
01:27mental health in the country she's also most known as a therapist for we tv's longest standing
01:32african-american family reality cvs braxton family values which i think we all know a little bit
01:38about the braxton family values she has also appeared as a guest expert on countless other
01:42shows and it is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 30 years and over 100 000 hours of
01:49direct and indirect service so welcome to the live stream and thank you so much for joining
01:55thank you for having me i think this is an excellent idea i want to say something before i get started
02:01it has been storming i'm in the lana area and it has been really storming and i was knocked off
02:07air a few minutes ago offline so if i get knocked off i don't want everybody to think i got stressed
02:13out and ran off i'm not stressed i'm good but i do want to start by asking all of the audience including you
02:22if i had a if i had a stress scale or anxiety scale from one to ten with one been the lowest and ten been
02:31the highest where do you think you would rate yourself today oh okay let me think my stress and anxiety
02:38anxiety level today i'd say i put it at about a six right now you know yesterday was a really nice
02:44day i'm actually in ohio so we had a nice day here yesterday outside got to get out get some air
02:50so i'm gonna say a six or a seven what about you that's good you know mine was about a seven until
02:56i was knocked offline and then it went sky high so mine yeah i'm all over the place but anxiety is one
03:04of those things if you're honest and everybody's honest with themselves my guess is most of us been
03:09running about a 10 with all the things that are happening with all the uncertainty and that's not
03:15that's not to be unexpected because the reality is this is a very stressful high anxiety time it really
03:23is and it's all the unknowns that makes it even worse and just think about the number of people that
03:30may have suffered from anxiety and stress before this happened you can imagine what their rating
03:37is on the scale and there's over 40 million people in this country that suffers from anxiety alone so
03:44you can understand how high that would be yeah no for sure and then you know that kind of i'm glad
03:50you brought that up because it kind of brings me to my first question now as you mentioned you know
03:56it's high time right now we're in the middle of a pandemic a lot of us for the very first time in
04:00our lifetimes um and so whether you're familiar with the signs of anxiety or not what are some
04:08things that we can look for um and identifying the signs of stress or anxiety versus you know signs of
04:15a physical illness right because i think that's part of it as well you know in these days everybody's
04:20like oh you know you cough and you're like okay i got it i'm sick what's going on
04:23and so what are those signs and symptoms of anxiety the first thing is when someone coughs do not run
04:30you know they may have pollen you know there may be allergies maybe a lot of things but one of the
04:36things that that you have to understand within the anxiety anxiety for most people is a constant state
04:42and there are a lot of different anxiety disorders rethink about anxiety we sort of put them in one bucket
04:48but the reality is there are several types including panic disorder uh ocd you know there are
04:54different types of this uh of anxiety but most of all what we're dealing with right now is generalizing
05:01anxiety and that anxiety has us all over the place because it's a what if what if something happens
05:07what's going to happen if i don't have a job what happens if they don't make any more toilet paper what
05:13happens if there's no more paper towels on this and what happens is and i'm going to bring the physical
05:19into it in a second what happens is with anxiety we're dealing with a lot of what ifs we're we're
05:26we're dealing with what happened and what may happen and we haven't we don't live in the present
05:32and then as a result of that we stress ourselves up we get blood high blood pressure where sometimes we
05:38overeat and i wonder how many people out there are overeating the leasing's last two weeks but we do
05:44we overeat we do the wrong things that we don't exercise we don't take care of ourselves so then
05:50the physical becomes in play when people have a panic attack that's a little different a little more
05:56serious than just you know general anxiety because stress and anxiety is a normal part of life we're over
06:03the top right now but when people start having panic attacks it becomes very serious because a lot of
06:09their symptoms mimic mimic a heart attack they mimic other physical symptoms so you have the sweating
06:15you have those sweaty palms you have them breathing can't catch your breath you have all kinds of
06:21physical physical uh symptoms that may you say am i having a heart attack am i having to start what's
06:28going on so we have to rule out the physical that's right we must rule out the physical yeah now
06:34you know for adults um you know those and those are great tips and i know that like i said some
06:40of us may be familiar some of us may not so thank you for that and it's interesting that you said
06:44anxiety can be tied to overeating so um you know i think a lot of us you know being being trapped
06:50in the house and some days there's that's nothing else to do so um it's good to know that you
06:55know you can kind of um identify that as maybe an anxiety versus something else but i did also want
07:01to ask um what about in children so signs of stress and anxiety in children whether you know some a lot
07:07of us um have children others just have children in their home with a lot of families have come together
07:11during this time so what are some signs of stress and anxiety that we can look for in our children a
07:16lot of times children do not verbalize like re-verbalize i'll stress so you'll see it in their behavior
07:22you'll see it in the fear it all um the anxiety is driven by fear and i mean it's like it's out of
07:29control and the same is true for children when they see you stressed out when they see anxiety with you
07:35they tend to take that on so for kids they're they are afraid i had a neighbor recently that was telling
07:42me that her son was afraid to go outside because he thought the coronavirus is out there and says no
07:48we can't open the door the coronavirus is out there and it's like a monster like the big monster is out
07:54there but when you hear the news and you're listening to the news 24 7 and i tell people cut the tv off cut
08:02that news cycle off if you're going to check in check in in the morning check in in the afternoon
08:07because especially with children the more they hear the more they feel helpless you're already feeling
08:13helpless and they don't feel safe because you can't protect them now i think you know what we
08:21all really want to know we've identified what does anxiety look like for you and for adults what does
08:26it look like for children then now that we know what it looks like and even you even touched on some of
08:30the triggers as well um let's talk a little bit about for adults and children some of the things that
08:36you can do maybe things people may not think about or maybe things people know about to kind of calm
08:42that anxiety and keep it under control and let's start with adults tips for adults first okay first
08:47all with adults another thing that's very common with anxiety i didn't mean to mention is that there's
08:53usually a sleep disturbance sometimes you can't get to sleep sometimes you wake up in the middle of
08:59your sleep so for adults one of the things i tell people to do is stop and just breathe you know you
09:06say well i breathe all the time no i'm talking about breathing for relaxation breathe in through
09:12your nose hold it for five seconds breathe out through your mouth as if you're blowing through a
09:18straw you it will calm you down you cannot be stressed and high anxiety and relax at the same time
09:26keep that in mind you can't have both of them at the same time so what you want to do is find ways of
09:30calming yourself down be still we rarely you know we always talk about oh i never have time to stop i
09:36never stop stop and be in the moment you have to understand that one way of getting stress under
09:44control is be in the moment you cannot worry about what happened you cannot worry about what's going to
09:50happen what is happening now reassure yourself reassure your children today i'm safe today it's okay
09:59i'm not going to be concerned about what's going to happen tomorrow or what may happen but what is
10:04happening today that's another big thing and i tell you tell people that being socially isolated does not
10:12mean that you know or being socially distanced doesn't mean you have to be social isolated we have
10:18technology facebook check in with friends check in with things and then you have to have that mind shift
10:26because if you don't shift your mind where you can say you know what i have to think about this
10:32i have to think about this differently you have to shift your mindset a lot of times people get into
10:37that negative oh me oh my you know like oh it's never going to get better we're all going to die
10:41together you know you know yes this is serious but we're not hopefully all going to drink the kool-aid at
10:48the same time and you know pass out so we have to be careful in the mindset and what you're saying
10:55because you become what you are and if you feel like you know i'm sick all the time you're going to
11:00be sick and you're going to find symptoms that may be mimicking the corollary virus and that's not
11:05healthy um i'm sorry i just want to add one more thing establish a routine establish a routine get up
11:16get up it's so easy to sleep all day and i know because i had a few days of that myself and we all
11:23need some sleep but if we get into the habit of not putting on clothes looking like you know whatever
11:30all day long then it becomes comfortable which adds to the anxiety which adds to the stress and
11:37it can become very depressing so try to get up keep your you know do your your shower maybe do something
11:45with your hair try a little bit put some clothes on yeah act like you're going you're leaving them
11:50even if you're not right even if you're not and if you have children system boundaries system limits if
11:56you're working from home and people say well i can't work from home because all the noise
12:00carve out a corner carve out some space for you and let let your children know this is my space you
12:07cannot cross this line and for from 9 to 12 i will be working and i need you to do your work
12:16now now speaking about kids a lot of times you know kids respond really well to different things like
12:21exercises and fun so when you think about tips for what you can do to help calm anxiety in your
12:27and stress in your children once you recognize things like that um what are some things we can
12:31do whether it's a you know a game or a you know something anything absolutely take time with your
12:38children take time to play take time you can go outside yummy no one said you can't go outside you
12:44just can't go out in large groups go outside play with your kids play some board games uh cook do some
12:52fun activities with them and you know teach them how to meditate teach them how to use yoga and i also
12:59tell people don't forget to pray you know take time and carve you know that that moment where you can
13:04just sit in silence you can pray you can get grounded because it's all about getting emotionally grounded
13:10and when you feel that anxiety creeping up take a deep breath can remember you can not be stressed
13:17and relax at the same time and if you concentrate on your breathing that's going to relax you also
13:23don't forget to just take breaks as needed a lot of times we get so busy and a lot of times with
13:29anxiety another thing you see is that nervous energy people can't be still they're running around doing
13:35everything well you know take breaks as you need it do some of those projects you've been talking about
13:41write that book you've been talking about clean outfit closet you've been doing make it a fun
13:46activity you may even may even want to make it a family activity in terms of decluttering and doing
13:51some things like that let the kids throw away their old toys or decide which ones they're going to give
13:57you away but make it a family affair because you're not in this alone trust me and even though you may
14:03feel your house is out of control trust me other people feel the same way but it doesn't have to be
14:09because as long as you're in control the house will be in control
14:12and then one other question now you did mention that overeating can be a sign of anxiety are there
14:19specific foods that are tied to stress and anxiety whether it's foods that help induce stress and
14:25anxiety or foods that can help kind of calm our stress and anxiety is there such a thing as it's are
14:30there foods that work or don't work well we all like comfort food my favorite comfort food is chips
14:36you know you know we like cookies we like oh we like all those things that are called comfort and
14:42if we start cooking you notice you want to go to the heavier foods we want to go to the mac and cheese
14:47we want to those are comfort foods but the reality is too much of anything is not a good thing so you
14:54want to eat healthy you definitely want to get fresh leafy vegetables you want to get uh fruit you want to
15:02eat drink water another thing we tend to do is re drink sugary drinks we drink i don't care if it's
15:09from soda to sweet tea or whatever the case may be put it down walk away slowly drink some water and
15:16exercise in your house you can exercise in your home and now what's really nice about uh it's nice and
15:24you know i guess it's nice we've been quarantined like we there are so many apps you know there were apps
15:30before but i don't think we ever had time to watch them so now we have time to actually do something
15:37about that and yeah and understand you have to just bring it down because you can't worry about what's
15:44happening tomorrow and none of us know what's going to happen tomorrow but we do know what's happening
15:49right now no that's amazing advice um and so i do want to as much as i'm enjoying our conversation here
15:59um i'm going to be i have to be a little less selfish here and can't hog you all to myself so
16:04i have some audience questions um people of course as you might imagine they have a few questions um
16:09they want to know what's going on so i'm going to go ahead and go through some of those and obviously
16:15these are questions i have too so i'm excited to get these answers as well um so one of the questions
16:20our first question um is from an audience member who wants to know what are some of the things that you
16:25can do um as someone to help someone through anxiety or stress we've talked a lot today about
16:32how to manage anxiety and stress in ourselves or maybe even help our children manage it in their
16:37selves so if you are to flip it a little bit if you are what this person wants to know is if you
16:42are in the home with someone and you recognize these signs of anxiety and stress what are some
16:47things that you can do or not do to kind of help that pass well one of the things you should not do is
16:53say you need to just calm down you know we have a tendency to tell people what they need to do
16:59and we don't need to do that sometimes we need to just be present and what that means is if you see
17:05someone in your home and you know they're stressed out sit with them sometimes people need to know
17:10you're just present sit with them listen to them hear what their concerns are share you know with them
17:18that is you know we're going to make it through this together but make sure you avoid preaching to
17:24them and being when i say preaching to them telling them what they should have could have would have
17:28done avoid that just be present and let them know that you're there for them okay that's definitely a
17:36great answer i'm taking some notes over here for sure um so second question um a lot of our users have
17:43been getting into we've been seeing a lot on social media um having daily family meetings um you know
17:50setting some time aside for your family and that's not just you know parents and children that's also
17:55you know if like i said a lot of families are just together right now um so just whoever the family is
18:01in your home um and so the question is do you think family meetings can help to relieve that stress
18:07and anxiety and if so how so and what are some of the maybe things you should practice or things you
18:12should talk about in your family meetings that can help with stress and anxiety absolutely i think
18:17it's a great idea so often with our daily lives before all this we didn't have time to talk we
18:24didn't have time to slow down and to listen to one another uh the meetings didn't have to be a topic
18:30you don't have to have an agenda as if it's going to be a business meeting but find time to talk check
18:36in with people hear about them i think that's an excellent idea yes do that even with the children
18:44allow them to have a voice yeah i love it okay and our next question which is actually a really good
18:52one so we've all seen i think we've seen so time and time again what the symptoms are of the coronavirus
19:00um and things that we should look out for give or take you know they kind of remain constant
19:05um you know chest pain or i'm sorry um shortness of breath um just not generally feeling like a flu
19:11fever some people have had vomiting and different things like that are there symptoms in stress and
19:18anxiety that look similar or different to um that and if so or if not how can we kind of differentiate
19:25between thinking that we're getting physically sick and hey i'm just having an anxiety attack
19:30or hey i'm just really stressed well if you're having a panic attack a lot of times you have the
19:35shortness of breath you have the sweating you have some of the other things but with the coronavirus
19:40you uh usually let me just say this the panic attack is usually triggered by something that has
19:46happened it's something that's happened you have a panic attack this is a virus this is an illness
19:52it comes on and it doesn't come on typically as panic attacks you know does that it's triggered
19:59by an issue and it's all of a sudden so we have to be careful because if you're the type that you worry
20:05a lot and that's what anxiety is excessive worry excessively worried about everything every time you
20:12pick your finger or you thunk your toe you go oh my god something's wrong relax breathe understand that no
20:20it doesn't have to be anything serious but if you're having shortness of breath and you can leave
20:27you do want to check that out and have that checked out medically it may have nothing to do with the virus
20:35are there any triggers this is a this is one more question are there any triggers um you know i think
20:41that there are always triggers for stress and anxiety just in our day-to-day lives but typically when
20:47we're you know in the midst of something like this where it's a global pandemic and we're seeing the
20:51news and um what are some are there triggers and if so what are some common triggers maybe that you've
20:57been noticing um that have been triggering stress and anxiety for you know people around you people in
21:02your family or just things you've been seeing on the internet well one thing is a trigger being locked
21:07up in the house that's a trigger hey guess what you can't go out not that you need to go anywhere you
21:13want to go anywhere it's the idea that you need to be here you have to be here so the stress is going
21:18to increase because i don't care how large your home is the house sort of starts closing in closing in
21:25and closing in that's why you go outside get a breath of fresh air do something different and realize
21:31you're not alone you're not alone in this so that's a trigger relationships become sometimes can become
21:38very difficult because guess what when one person gets angry they can't just storm off like they used
21:44to you have to learn to communicate you have to learn to deal so that's that's uh anxiety provoking
21:51and the fact that you're separated from your loved ones you may be separated from your parents and other
21:56people that you care about those things really trigger a lot of anxiety because you worry about if
22:02they're going to worrying innings and stress are normal way of life it is not that we worry it's
22:09how do you cope with it it's not that you get presented with these issues how are you choosing
22:15to deal with those issues and so if you take it to the next level and just sort of spin out of control
22:21it's not healthy but if you say okay let me intellectually let me just really think this through
22:27there's nothing i can do i can facetime them i can check them but the reality is this is what we're
22:33in we have to deal with it and so a lot of people don't have a hard real great coping skills one of
22:40the things i do a lot of virtual couples you know i do a lot of um couples on the line and one of the
22:47things i hear more and more is you know how long is this going to last because she smothered me or he's
22:54smothering me and give people space i tell people give them space go to your corner even if you you
23:01know if you have a one room go to your corner and breathe you know just allow the other person to be
23:08that's so important that's so because otherwise you're gonna have a lot of conflict and i tell
23:14people meditate pray take time do some find what you're good at maybe you have been wanting to draw
23:21maybe you've been wanting to write do those things that you can do and leave the carbs alone because
23:27again we'll do those things and then we'll start eating all the wrong foods like the carbs so
23:31leave so long as you do that so it sounds like it's all connected is what you're saying so our
23:37triggers can be connected sometimes yeah the triggers are connected and then of course if things are
23:43bothering you and you don't have great communication skills this is not the time to bring up the you know
23:50the argument that hasn't been settled in 10 years you know some people want to well i remember back
23:56now this is not the time i understand that you got to work together you're going to get together
24:02stress anxiety is part of life but it is you don't want it to become out of control sometimes the
24:09stress is good it pushes us to get things done it pushes us you know to a little anxiety and get things
24:15but let's not keep in mind though with this stress and anxiety we have a lot of grieving and we forget
24:21that we're this is a new norm for us we're grieving a lot which adds to the anxiety it adds to the stress
24:29we're grieving the laws and let's look at children for a minute we're uh we're grieving they have they're
24:35out of school they're no longer with their friends they're not going to prom they're not having a
24:40graduation there many people are not having a wedding they're not having family reunion these
24:46are things that are real and those things have to be grieved you know and it doesn't mean you can't
24:53have a you can't get married or it doesn't mean you won't graduate it's not going to be like you had
24:59hoped and dreamed all your life so with that we have to keep in mind those type things also creates a lot
25:06of stress a lot of anxiety but remember to live in the here and now you can't worry about what happened
25:14what's going to happen what can we do today so if you want to get married today get married today you
25:20know maybe you have to do a virtual wedding maybe you have to do a virtual birthday party maybe you have
25:25to do over like the uh the all night party of the week with uh with the dj be nice yes yeah it was
25:32fantastic or you look at all the other people that are contributing their times in terms of concerts
25:39look at different ways of doing things and yes it is quite different and is very heartbreaking and like
25:45any other grieving process at the end you're going to get through it you are going to get through it we
25:50all will get through it no that's amazing advice and i love i love how you keep reiterating about being
25:57present and kind of taking things one day at a time because i think you know it does get easy to kind of
26:03think about what's going to happen especially for you know people there's no school a lot of the
26:08schools are shut down or you know is this going to be our new way of life forever or you know we're
26:13looking at the newscast and seeing you know this isn't going away for another three to six weeks or
26:18you know a month or two months so um i love that i really love that advice about being present in the
26:23moment and just taking things a day at a time to relieve some of that stress and anxiety well
26:28thanks because we're all grieving we're all looking at a different way of life and i tell people i tell
26:34people when i see them in therapy and i tell people things are serious but it's not hopeless and my other
26:40favorite thing is this too shall pass and you know we we don't think about it because we're all so busy
26:47worried about what if what's going to happen let's look at be grateful for what we have today be grateful
26:54for you know the fact that i am safe and that's what you have to keep reiterating to your children
27:01today you're safe and if someone does happen unfortunately to get it we're going to do the
27:06best we can to make sure they get the best care possible and that's what we have to remind people
27:13and again stay connected stay connected with your loved ones
27:20well we appreciate you connecting yes it makes so much sense and we appreciate you for connecting
27:26with us and keeping us connected um and keep giving us some tips for how to disconnect from
27:31some of this stress and anxiety so before we get out of here what do you what would be your three
27:36key takeaways or key tips that you would want everyone to leave today's session with
27:41among everything that we talked about already of course well number one knowing you're not alone
27:47this is not something that is it's just uh punishment for me you know you're not being punished
27:54uh this too shall pass keep in mind this too shall pass and social isolation does not mean social distance
28:01but most of all also want to make sure people understand that you are in control it's not that
28:09and you're not in control of a lot of things let me repeat that you're not in control a lot of
28:13things but those things that you can control such as your own emotion you have to control them and
28:18you have to stop be still uh do what you need to do breathe pray meditate and find time for self
28:29and understand you can reach out to others help others be there for others check on others because
28:35it's not all about you it is not all about you that's right so i tell people that in terms of tips
28:43and stuff even if like if you want to go to my website you can always find me at at askdrsherry.com
28:51because i tell people you know what if you have questions ask you know if you don't know you'll just
28:58it becomes a story in your own mind and that story will grow and grow and grow and sometimes that
29:04story is not very healthy and what i try to do is help people correct or re rewrite that unhealthy
29:12story that they may be carrying on in their minds and that's so so so important so thank you for that
29:20as well and can you let people know when you're reading my mind but can you let people know one more
29:24time where they can find you if they need more information more of these tips or just to keep
29:28up with what you have going on please do i am first of all thanks again but you can always find me
29:36at at askdrsherry.com and i tell someone i'm everywhere so you can find me on my website instagram facebook
29:48i'm out there so find me and if i can help you because again this is serious it is stressful
29:55some relationships will make it through this some may not i would like to think they're all going to
30:00make it through it but either way you know if you need help don't hesitate to call don't hesitate to
30:07contact me because i'll be there and thank you so much no thank and thank you so much for being with
30:14us today dr sherry it's been such a pleasure speaking with you and i know everyone is probably
30:19wondering where you can find um some of these resources through essence so if you go to our
30:24helpful resources section you can also check out dr sherry's eight tips she gave you three tips and
30:30there's five more there so you can go and check those out um and they'll be ready for you so thank you
30:36so much for joining us today thank you and i'm so glad it didn't storm and i didn't get knocked offline
30:43how about that didn't storm and we made it through we got all this good information thank you so much
30:49and everyone please be sure to stay tuned for our next session bye bye bye bye
31:13oh yeah
31:20oh yeah
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