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  • 11 hours ago
The stars of "The Muppet Show" take Vanity Fair's infamous lie detector test.

The Muppet Show premieres February 4 on Disney+ and ABC
Transcript
00:00so I'm just I'm supposed to just stand here okay you look very nice Biggie
00:06thank you you're welcome is he telling the truth I'm telling the truth all
00:11right yes I am ready Kermit miss Biggie hmm we've brought you here today to take
00:22a lie detector test this is Stephanie our polygraph operator there Stephanie
00:26hello hello one of you will be hooked up to the machine while the other will ask the questions
00:32and then you'll switch who wants to be in the hot seat first um well uh you know what I'll go first
00:39I have nothing to hide oh neither do I uh and why are you wearing those sunglasses
00:44hmm oh I wondered why it was so dark in here
00:49hello have you ever uh given a lie detector test to an amphibian before I have not it's the first
01:00time oh good well don't don't make it too tight and I breathe through my skin got it Stephanie if
01:06he lies does it shock him it does not no can we make that happen no we cannot thank you Stephanie
01:13Kermit to calibrate the machine I'm going to ask you some straightforward questions please answer
01:18honestly okay is your full name Kermit the frog yes yes it is is the your middle name or is your
01:27last name the frog well actually it's neither it's what I am you know kind of like uh Chance the
01:33rapper or Bill Nye the science guy or uh Henry VIII are you about to take a lie detector test uh
01:40yes Stephanie are we good the machine has been calibrated all right then let's go okay
01:48we've been working together since the Muppet show debuted many years ago Kermit would you consider
01:57me the greatest performer you've ever worked with uh well uh I know better than to answer no
02:06so uh yes oh I agree moving on this person Sabrina Carpenter is in our new special mm-hmm didn't you
02:19think I had enough star power to carry the whole thing on my own piggy it's not that you know I we
02:23had to have a special guest so we asked Sabrina do you think Sabrina is a better singer than me yeah
02:28uh would uh maybe you rather ask some softball questions like uh I don't know what's my favorite
02:34color why would I ask that obviously it's lavender because that's my favorite color good grief back
02:42to my questions Sabrina arrested me at one of her shows for being too iconic did you think I should
02:49have been arrested well I'd rather you not be arrested for anything but uh in that case it was
02:55okay would you bail me out of jail if I ever got arrested for real yes of course eh wait uh you're
03:03not planning on doing anything illegal right no why are you oh no honestly you're attached to a lie
03:11detector no of course not I am not gonna do anything illegal okay good cuz I don't know who'd bail you
03:17out if you ever got arrested how's he doing Stephanie he's telling the truth all right time to ramp things
03:24up a bit what do you think I'm a triple threat sure sure yes you you uh you have many talents and uh
03:34one of them's being a threat oh that's so sweet of you to notice truthful there's a little stress there
03:43but yes oh okay so kermit you've worked on a number of tv shows and films that have been recognized at
03:52various award shows why haven't I won an academy award um I'm sorry was that question about me yes
04:00as it relates to me right uh well uh you know first I think maybe you'd need to be nominated
04:04let's not get into logistics speaking of rainbow connection what kermit do you think someday we'll
04:12find it um yes yes I definitely think so what would you say I am a lover or a dreamer um
04:20maybe more of a dreamer Stephanie put him down as a yes for both of those got it this is a picture of
04:29someone or something called animal yeah I know who that is animal is known for having wild
04:38outbursts on set and off yes I know yes would you say you have a habit of working with difficult
04:44performers yes yes that's the biggest yes of the day yes so animals just won who are the others
04:53right Stephanie can I pass sure I'll let Gonzo know final question did you lie at any point during
05:06this lie detector test and we did not catch you oh I think we all would have known if you caught me
05:11it's true part of them would be over there another part would be over there good thing you didn't lie
05:19tell me um if I were to look I mean if someone were to lie what what would the machine do the
05:32readings would would look different than they looked previously different okay that was kind of a cagey
05:39answer there was it miss piggy to calibrate the machine I'm going to ask you some straightforward
05:45questions uh please answer honestly moi embellish the truth oh never right um is your full name miss
05:55piggy well it's what I go by but my full name would be miss Pigathea Lee uh-huh yes um um now I did not
06:07write this question but it's asking uh how old are you okay I think we're ready yeah I think we're ready
06:14yeah we're ready we should just go on yeah yeah okay Miss Piggy you got your start on the Muppet
06:22show as a chorus pig uh does having such humble beginnings keep you grounded well naturally okay
06:30so uh so fame hasn't gone to your head heavens no just ask any of my millions of fans who worship and
06:37adore me okay so um would you explain something to me if uh if fame hasn't gone to your head why do
06:44you have such an extensive writer oh I wouldn't say it's any more extensive than say Mariah Carey's
06:51who is my peer obviously obviously um can you remind me of what's in your writer oh sure it's not much
06:57just some warm lemon water for my vocal exercises two dozen pink roses 23 calico kittens in a wicker
07:05basket a 60-piece orchestra to play while I sit in hair and makeup and all the overhead lights must be
07:12removed and changed to 20 watt bulbs and soft white simple uh-huh have you ever refused to do a gig because
07:19an item was missing from your writer never though the kittens are a non-negotiable you've been in the
07:27business for a long time have you ever felt intimidated by another actress don't be silly
07:33uh Stephanie deceptive what oh come on yeah piggy it's okay you can tell us who is it no nobody
07:41I'm telling you in fact Kate Blanchett just called me the other day to say she was intimidated by moi
07:47not true oh so uh it's Kate Blanchett huh you know what then it's okay she's not a bad person to be
07:54intimidated by she is pretty good yes okay Stephanie how is Miss Piggy doing so far she's doing great
08:01and she looks beautiful oh thank you you don't have to hook her up to a lie detector we know she's
08:09telling the truth okay speaking of careers Miss Piggy are you the nine to five type what is that a blood
08:16type I think I'm O negative no I think they mean it as a work schedule ah yes yes well as an actress
08:23my schedule varies but if the call time is before noon or after 7 p.m that's a hard pass that's what
08:30I thought next question did you feel like you had to make any compromises on our show well I mean I
08:37did have to share the stage with people far less talented than moi so uh other than that you're happy
08:44with the rest of the decisions we made absolutely I wouldn't change a thing that was very untrue
08:52what all right I do have a couple of notes if you have an hour or two later that's what I thought
09:01am I your favorite collaborator always unless Spielberg's available but otherwise always do you
09:11uh you know do you have any feedback for me we can address that in our two hour notes meeting
09:17later great um oh are there any secrets you've been keeping from me secrets yeah what do you mean
09:25secrets secrets you know secrets of course not I would never keep anything from you why what have you
09:32heard nothing let's see here do you think that you could be a better host than me no never no one
09:43does it better than good old Kermit the Frog uh hmm it's um okay uh there is some speculation that
09:53this person Chapel Roan's style is heavily inspired by you uh would you say that she's ever upstaged
10:01you absolutely not I love it when people steal my look uh really just keep the questions coming for
10:08um uh do you think you deserve a lifetime achievement award well I think I'm a little young for one but
10:14sure I think I'd look great next to my peabody you have a peabody what's your next question um okay
10:19our new Muppet show special is executive produced by this person Seth Rogan have you ever tried to
10:26leverage that to work on one of his other projects I didn't have to he asked me to star in all his
10:30projects moving forward and some in the past too how does that even work oh I'm loving all this
10:35honesty ask me about the time I drove your car into a ditch and whether I actually did that or not
10:39what I got it no I didn't wasn't me or oh the time I sank your credit score because I
10:45chartered that private plane to New York City for a bagel and a schmear no no no no no no no no no
10:49stop stop stop stop stop one final question did you disconnect the lie detector no what does it
10:58say see I'm being truthful anyway this has been lovely but time to go Stephanie did she disconnect
11:03answer that I can't confirm or deny she did mm-hmm mm-hmm you know what I don't need this get me out of
11:14this thing look not trust me you're gonna want to unstrap her before she does it herself Stephanie
11:18all right is this velcro biggie don't pull on that is that a buckle what is this you're gonna break it
11:23stephanie please help her get me out of this thing it's like a torture device you know what I'm just
11:37gonna take it home Stephanie is she allowed to take that no she's not
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