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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00So I'm fighting the space shuttle for the second time, and this guy passes out.
00:00:10All right, it's about that time.
00:00:12So, are you kissing anybody at midnight?
00:00:14Uh, yeah, him.
00:00:23Hi!
00:00:24Just pay him out.
00:00:25Six, five, four, three, two, one.
00:00:31Hey!
00:00:55You have a cute scar.
00:00:57It's just my birthmark.
00:01:00If you want me to stop, tell me now.
00:01:04I don't want you to stop.
00:01:05I don't want you to stop.
00:01:11I don't want you to stop, tell me now.
00:01:17I was so drunk last night.
00:01:39I can't remember who I was with.
00:01:44I must return this to her so I can see her again.
00:01:47Happy New Year.
00:01:53Sam, it's me.
00:01:55Hey, find me the girl from last night.
00:01:57I don't care how.
00:01:58Just do it.
00:01:59I will find you.
00:02:06Maximus, can you get married already?
00:02:09Bring home a wife or at least a girlfriend.
00:02:12I need grandkids.
00:02:14I need you to...
00:02:14Message received, Mom.
00:02:16I need to go now.
00:02:17I have to inspect the new headquarters.
00:02:27Seven years.
00:02:29Why can't I ever find you?
00:02:31And why do you still haunt me?
00:02:32Still thinking about that girl?
00:02:42Boss, it's been years.
00:02:44I'm ready to go to the inspection now.
00:02:49Your vest, sir.
00:02:51But first, we found your fake Christmas wife.
00:02:54She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:02:55Blonde hair, red top.
00:02:57And, sir, make sure you use an alias.
00:02:59We can't have her know you're the Harrison Group CEO or she'll jack up the price.
00:03:03Good.
00:03:04Finally, I can get my mother off my back.
00:03:06Hi.
00:03:06I can't wait to finally meet my new daddy.
00:03:17Now, Auntie Debra and Pamela can't say I have no daddy anymore.
00:03:23Sweetie, remember, it's just pretend.
00:03:25It's just for Christmas.
00:03:27But, Mommy, why do we have to rent a daddy?
00:03:29Where's my real one?
00:03:30Uh, I'll tell you when you're older.
00:03:39Sweetie, why don't you go find us a table?
00:03:49Daddy!
00:03:50Yo!
00:03:51What?
00:03:58Daddy!
00:03:59Yo!
00:03:59I'm sorry.
00:04:01I'm not your dad.
00:04:03No, I know you're my daddy just as handsome as I've had.
00:04:06Oh.
00:04:07Mommy, hurry!
00:04:08Your fake Christmas husband has arrived!
00:04:18I asked the agency for an average-looking guy.
00:04:21He's gorgeous.
00:04:22Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:29Why does she feel so familiar?
00:04:31She's waiting in the coffee shop.
00:04:33Blonde hair, red top.
00:04:35You must be my new Christmas husband.
00:04:37So, you're my new Christmas wife?
00:04:40See, I knew you were the new daddy we had, right?
00:04:43Hi, my name's Cybert.
00:04:44What's your name?
00:04:44Sam didn't say anything about a kid.
00:04:48Max, Aurelius.
00:04:49Eva.
00:04:50I think we should probably sit and discuss the details of this fake marriage.
00:04:55I just need a wife for the holidays.
00:04:58I guess mom gets her grandkid too.
00:05:00So, per our agreement, the rate is $1,000 per hour, and...
00:05:07$1,000 an hour?
00:05:09Well, yeah.
00:05:11It's $500 a day.
00:05:13Is that enough?
00:05:14That's the most that I can pay you.
00:05:15Wait, you're paying me $500 a day?
00:05:17That's what I agreed with the agency.
00:05:19You'll make your thousands over the week.
00:05:22Look, my requirements are simple, okay?
00:05:24Play my pretend husband, come with me to my hometown,
00:05:26and we all pretend to be one big happy family.
00:05:28And then my family will get off my back,
00:05:31so Piper can have a good Christmas for once.
00:05:35So she's getting pressure from her folks too.
00:05:38Fine.
00:05:39But you have to help me get my mom off my case too.
00:05:44Okay.
00:05:45Deal.
00:05:48Ready to go get married?
00:05:58Wow.
00:06:04Clean up nice.
00:06:06This is my wedding day, after all.
00:06:08Pictures.
00:06:08Pictures.
00:06:17Y'all guys are supposed to look like you're in love.
00:06:20I think we got it.
00:06:44Oh, I need some photos of us together too,
00:06:47to prove to my parents that I'm actually married
00:06:50and have a happy family.
00:06:52Yeah.
00:06:52Of course.
00:07:03Happy holidays, Mom.
00:07:05From my family to you.
00:07:06Bad news, boss.
00:07:16The agency said that the girl that they recruited
00:07:18to be your fake wife bailed last minute.
00:07:20Wait, she bailed?
00:07:22Then who is...
00:07:23Who is she?
00:07:28Whatever.
00:07:29It doesn't matter.
00:07:30I've got what I need.
00:07:32Sam, don't worry about it.
00:07:36I already found someone.
00:07:42Okay.
00:07:42Well, I think it's time for us to go.
00:07:45Christmas shopping waits for no one.
00:07:47Christmas shopping?
00:07:48I should come.
00:07:50Look, if you want me to be the husband
00:07:52in this fake-it-to-your-family plan,
00:07:54I think I should have some say in the gifts.
00:07:56It'll make it more believable.
00:08:01Fine.
00:08:02Yeah, fine.
00:08:02Okay.
00:08:03You can come.
00:08:11Let's go.
00:08:12Which mall are we going to?
00:08:14Um, let's go to that one.
00:08:16No, let's go to the bank.
00:08:21Oh!
00:08:22What the actual fuck?
00:08:28Sam,
00:08:28is Maximus pulling another one
00:08:31of his goddamn elaborate pranks again?
00:08:33Get me a DNA test
00:08:35for that little girl that he's with.
00:08:40She does kind of look like him.
00:08:42So when we give these gifts to my parents,
00:08:47we will say they're from you.
00:08:50Here, let me get this.
00:08:52I'm going to love you, Max.
00:08:55Oh, so I was, uh, thinking
00:08:58that since we're married,
00:09:01we should probably kiss once or twice
00:09:05in front of them.
00:09:07Okay.
00:09:08Should we use our tongues or?
00:09:10No, no, definitely not.
00:09:12And absolutely no...
00:09:13Sex?
00:09:14Yes.
00:09:15It's strictly business.
00:09:18Anything physical outside of that
00:09:19does not have any.
00:09:21What?
00:09:23Afraid you'll fall for me?
00:09:24I just don't want Piper
00:09:27to have messy complications
00:09:28getting in the way
00:09:29of her having a good Christmas.
00:09:32Let's go.
00:09:38Here.
00:09:40What are you doing?
00:09:41I'd never let my woman
00:09:42pick up the tab.
00:09:45Well, I'm not your woman,
00:09:46and this isn't a real relationship,
00:09:48and I don't want your money.
00:09:51Attention shoppers,
00:09:52all bakery items are now 50% off.
00:09:5450% off pies?
00:09:56Quick, go grab a dozen pumpkin pies.
00:09:5812 pumpkin pies.
00:09:59Did I hear this right?
00:09:59They're the best kind.
00:10:01Hurry up and go.
00:10:02Go.
00:10:02What are you standing here for?
00:10:05Hello there.
00:10:06Hi.
00:10:07You ready?
00:10:07Yes, yeah.
00:10:08Just these things.
00:10:08Okay, great.
00:10:10We have a holiday special today.
00:10:12Spend $500, get 10% off,
00:10:14and you are just short $15
00:10:16if you want to take advantage
00:10:17of the deal.
00:10:18Oh, great.
00:10:19Yeah.
00:10:19What do you have
00:10:20that's just $15?
00:10:21Will you get a move on?
00:10:23I just got here.
00:10:25Relax.
00:10:26Yeah, yeah.
00:10:29Here, this will do the trick.
00:10:31Okay, thank you.
00:10:34Hurry up and pay.
00:10:38I will pay when I'm ready.
00:10:40You can wait your turn.
00:10:46Damn, my fake wife
00:10:47has some fire in her.
00:10:51Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:10:55Not the pies.
00:10:55Not the pies.
00:10:56You can just set those on top.
00:11:02Hi, guys.
00:11:04I'm going to hand you
00:11:05all these pies.
00:11:10Of course.
00:11:12Thank you so much.
00:11:13Of course.
00:11:13I hope you like pumpkin.
00:11:16She bought all 12 pies.
00:11:17Don't worry,
00:11:18I have enough for everybody.
00:11:19Just to give it away.
00:11:22Merry Christmas.
00:11:23Merry Christmas.
00:11:29What?
00:11:30You do that often?
00:11:32As often as I can.
00:11:37We should go.
00:11:38We got to pick up paper.
00:11:43Watch out.
00:11:43You done feeling me up?
00:12:05Shut up.
00:12:06Oh, sorry.
00:12:06I was just in character, wifey.
00:12:08Well, stay out of character
00:12:10until Christmas.
00:12:10Christmas.
00:12:11And don't be late.
00:12:28Harrison Group?
00:12:30Do you do construction
00:12:31for them or something?
00:12:32Sort of.
00:12:34Not that I'm judging.
00:12:35I just need to get
00:12:37my story straight
00:12:37or my mom will eat
00:12:38both of us alive.
00:12:39Why don't we say
00:12:41that you do
00:12:42mid-level management
00:12:43for Harrison Group?
00:12:44I think that's respectful.
00:12:46Can we pick another company?
00:12:48No.
00:12:49Harrison Group is perfect.
00:12:51And they'll find it impressive.
00:12:52My cousin's husband
00:12:53works for them, too.
00:12:54So, it's perfect.
00:12:59Oh, and, uh,
00:13:01wear something nice
00:13:02for Christmas dinner?
00:13:03Don't worry.
00:13:04Okay, I clean up nicely.
00:13:05I wouldn't embarrass you.
00:13:07Too much.
00:13:30Let's go, Sam.
00:13:31It's time to check out
00:13:32the new HQ site.
00:13:34Hold on, you're covered
00:13:35in water and you have
00:13:35a hair on your shoulder
00:13:37and it's not yours.
00:13:39It's my daughter's.
00:13:41Daughter's?
00:13:43Give me a DNA test
00:13:44for that little girl
00:13:45that he's with.
00:13:46Hey, there they are!
00:14:02Hey!
00:14:03Nice to meet you!
00:14:05Aw, Dad.
00:14:06So much you made it.
00:14:08Aw.
00:14:09We missed you.
00:14:10So, where's this mysterious
00:14:12husband we heard all about?
00:14:14He's coming.
00:14:15Please don't tell me
00:14:16Maximus bailed.
00:14:17Good, good, good.
00:14:20So, heard you got
00:14:21a new hubby, sweetie.
00:14:23When's he arriving?
00:14:25Oh, it's probably
00:14:26just some story
00:14:27she cooked up
00:14:28to stop people talking.
00:14:29Poor thing.
00:14:30Not surprising.
00:14:31I mean, she's 30.
00:14:33Once a woman hits that age,
00:14:35you become undateable.
00:14:36Oh, plus a kid
00:14:38looks so bad
00:14:39on dating apps.
00:14:40This is exactly why
00:14:44I refuse to come home
00:14:45single this Christmas.
00:14:46Auntie Pamela?
00:14:47Debbie?
00:14:48My dating life,
00:14:49quite frankly,
00:14:50is none of your concern.
00:14:51We're only worried
00:14:52about you.
00:14:53All these years
00:14:54without a husband.
00:14:56Zip it, Pamela.
00:14:58You know,
00:14:58you always spoiled
00:15:00her rotten.
00:15:01And look what happened.
00:15:02She got knocked up
00:15:03out of wedlock
00:15:04raising a kid
00:15:05all alone.
00:15:06I'm not alone.
00:15:07Mm-hmm.
00:15:08And what does
00:15:09this mysterious
00:15:10husband do?
00:15:14He's a manager.
00:15:15Manager?
00:15:17Of what?
00:15:18Trash.
00:15:20Probably a cover
00:15:21for criminal activity.
00:15:24You don't have
00:15:25to lie to us, Eva.
00:15:27Actually,
00:15:28he's right here.
00:15:32Oh, wow.
00:15:35Wow.
00:15:35He is really
00:15:37good looking.
00:15:39Oh, must be AI.
00:15:41Mm-hmm.
00:15:41Congratulations, Eva,
00:15:43on your Photoshop skills.
00:15:45Fake.
00:15:45That's enough.
00:15:46She's our daughter
00:15:47and your niece.
00:15:48Show some respect.
00:15:50Remember last year
00:15:51when I introduced you
00:15:53to my husband's nephew,
00:15:54William,
00:15:55and you turned him down?
00:15:57Well, guess what?
00:15:58William works
00:15:59for the Harrison Group now.
00:16:01Makes 500 grand a year.
00:16:04That's half a million.
00:16:06Half a million.
00:16:08Girls are lining up
00:16:09for him all the way
00:16:10to New York.
00:16:11And speak of the devil.
00:16:16Willie, you made it.
00:16:19There you are.
00:16:30Oh, look at you now.
00:16:33Living the dream.
00:16:34Oh, just think, Eva.
00:16:36Well, you could be
00:16:37driving around
00:16:38in a car like that
00:16:39had you not married
00:16:40that criminal waste manager.
00:16:42So married, huh?
00:16:44Is it serious?
00:16:47That's what marriage is.
00:16:48It's pretty serious.
00:16:50Wow.
00:16:51You must have rushed
00:16:52the time they're not, huh?
00:16:53Makes sense, though.
00:16:55You not being
00:16:56a hot young thing anymore.
00:16:58Dragging that kid around
00:16:59with no daddy.
00:17:00A bullet dodged, Willie.
00:17:03Meanwhile, you're climbing
00:17:04the Harrison Group ladder.
00:17:07That's right.
00:17:08Just bought this brand new suit
00:17:10with my Christmas bonus.
00:17:12Women love a man in red.
00:17:14Sexy, like Santa Claus.
00:17:17When I sit on my lap...
00:17:19Don't touch me.
00:17:20Oh, so entitled.
00:17:23Williams, a successful man
00:17:25of taste, not waste.
00:17:27And yet, for some reason,
00:17:28he's willing to overlook
00:17:29your baggage.
00:17:31I mean, look at that car.
00:17:33Could your husband afford
00:17:34anything even close to that?
00:17:36Think of the life
00:17:37I can give you and Piper
00:17:38with all my Harrison Group money.
00:17:40Ditch your nobody husband
00:17:41and marry me instead.
00:17:44I wouldn't marry you
00:17:45if you were the last man on Earth.
00:17:47My mom would never marry.
00:17:54She already has a husband.
00:17:55He's gonna kick your butt.
00:18:00Is that so?
00:18:02Well, then,
00:18:02where is he?
00:18:04Because I don't see him.
00:18:06Does anyone see him?
00:18:09No.
00:18:10Just like I thought.
00:18:12Telling lies just like Mommy.
00:18:14That puts you on the naughty list.
00:18:18And let me show you
00:18:19what happens to naughty children.
00:18:23Hey.
00:18:24Sorry.
00:18:25Hey, are you okay?
00:18:26I see your hands.
00:18:27Oh, my God.
00:18:29I'm gonna take her in
00:18:29and get her packed stuff, okay?
00:18:31Come on, honey.
00:18:32Let's go.
00:18:34What the hell's the matter with you?
00:18:36How dare you put your filthy hands
00:18:38on my daughter?
00:18:40Let me go.
00:18:41Now, why would I go
00:18:43and do a thing like that
00:18:44when I'm having such a good time?
00:18:47Let me go!
00:19:02Touch my wife again
00:19:03and I will snap every finger
00:19:05that you've got.
00:19:09Max, you came.
00:19:11Don't worry, sweetie.
00:19:11Where's Piper?
00:19:16William Hitter?
00:19:18Mom, Dad, I'll take her inside.
00:19:20Well, it looks like
00:19:20we have a real Grinch
00:19:21to dispose of.
00:19:23Well, well, well.
00:19:24If it isn't the Waste Manager
00:19:26I've been hearing so much about.
00:19:28That's right.
00:19:30Now, I'm about to take out the trash.
00:19:34Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
00:19:36It's an honor to meet you.
00:19:38I'm Max.
00:19:39Eva told us all about you
00:19:40from New York.
00:19:41Polite, handsome.
00:19:43Just like she said.
00:19:45Wow.
00:19:46He was an AI.
00:19:48See?
00:19:49He's real.
00:19:50And he's more of a man here
00:19:52than William would ever dream to be.
00:19:53Son of a bitch!
00:19:55You just ruined my suit!
00:19:56And watch the way that you drive that...
00:19:58that pristine automobile.
00:20:00That car?
00:20:02Oh, my God.
00:20:03That's worth more than a house.
00:20:06That car?
00:20:07It was all over the news
00:20:08when the CEO of the Harrison Group bought it.
00:20:11Wait.
00:20:13Are you?
00:20:17Like I said,
00:20:19I'm just Eva's husband.
00:20:21And that's all he needs to know.
00:20:23I'm not here to put on a show for anyone.
00:20:25You really are a criminal, aren't you?
00:20:27You stole it!
00:20:28That car belongs to the CEO of my company!
00:20:30Jesus!
00:20:31How did he get away with it?
00:20:33That's what I want to know.
00:20:35Enough!
00:20:36Please!
00:20:38I trust my daughter.
00:20:40She would never marry a criminal.
00:20:43Max, be honest with me.
00:20:46Where did that car come from?
00:20:48How much did you want for it?
00:20:50I'll pay you more money than you'd make
00:20:52in three lifetimes.
00:20:54So?
00:20:55You need a breath, man.
00:20:56All right, that's it!
00:21:00I'm calling the cops!
00:21:00Oh, way ahead of you.
00:21:02Wait.
00:21:03What?
00:21:05Are you feeling nervous, Eva?
00:21:08Oh, well.
00:21:09Too late.
00:21:10Listen, hon.
00:21:17I believe you.
00:21:19But how could Max afford a car like that?
00:21:23Mr. Smith, don't worry.
00:21:24It's my car, okay?
00:21:25It's not stolen.
00:21:27Yeah?
00:21:28If it's yours, then prove it.
00:21:30Cops will be here in 15 minutes.
00:21:33Enjoy Christmas behind bars.
00:21:35Okay.
00:21:35I'll prove that it's mine.
00:21:37But then you have to get lost.
00:21:38And never show your face around my wife or child again.
00:21:42Oh, so you're a tough guy, huh?
00:21:44Well, I hope they serve eggnog in prison.
00:21:46Loser!
00:21:47Say one more word, and I'll give him a real reason to take me in.
00:21:52Jesus.
00:21:53Maybe he is a crime boss.
00:21:55It's kind of sexy, though.
00:21:59Here.
00:22:00Title and proof of ownership.
00:22:08Mr. Harrison?
00:22:14Mr. Harrison?
00:22:17Mr. Harrison?
00:22:19Just play along.
00:22:21Merry Christmas, Willie.
00:22:23Now get the fuck out of here
00:22:24before I kick your ass all the way up to the North Pole.
00:22:27Yes, sir!
00:22:28I'm so sorry, sir.
00:22:30Please, please, please.
00:22:31Please, please.
00:22:31Please, please.
00:22:31Please, please, please.
00:22:32I'm so sorry, sir.
00:22:33Please.
00:22:34Please.
00:22:34Please, please.
00:22:35Please.
00:22:36Please.
00:22:36Please.
00:22:37Please.
00:22:37Please.
00:22:38oh that william what a jerk huh he fooled me what can i say let's not let this little
00:22:50misunderstanding ruin the holidays oh now you don't want to ruin christmas oh come on even
00:22:55we were just looking out for you please forgive us mr harrison you know my youngest son is
00:23:02graduating soon do you think that uh you could help him get his foot in the door a job at the
00:23:08harrison group even in the mail room would open doors we are family aren't we family takes care
00:23:15of each other if you guys want a job at the harrison group you can put in an application
00:23:20like everyone else abigail come on talk to her for us didn't you just say that my daughter was
00:23:26undateable yeah i think you need to take care of your own issues first my daughter is just
00:23:32far too busy for your best life my new son-in-law come on guys let's go in welcome to the family
00:23:40welcome
00:23:43this is your fault pam you can't tell the difference between ai and reality
00:23:54my fault you were the one who was pushing her onto that worm william oh
00:23:59hey how do you have that car and how do you know the ceo of harrison group and how i told you
00:24:13i work for harrison group remember i have a friend in high places a friend who just hands you keys to
00:24:20a million dollar one-of-a-kind luxury cars yes it's the season of giving he knows people
00:24:27has connections he's a big deal kind of guy you're a crime boss aren't you yeah you best not forget it
00:24:33capiche oh my god just don't blow your cover dad mom thank you so much for letting max and i stay in
00:24:42your home oh honey we're just so happy that you found such a handsome strong good looking i think
00:24:51they get it um uh how's piper oh she's fine one of you guys just get settled in and uh we will go
00:24:59check on her and if your mom takes a cold shower we'll come back and finish decorating the tree great
00:25:05hey see you in a bit joey what are you doing okay hey was that not a uh breach of contract
00:25:18relax it was just a hug oh we just got here and i'm already exhausted you'll be okay
00:25:27it's just one week kill me now well i would but i need to get paid
00:25:37what are you doing that's weird they were so lovey-dovey just a second ago
00:25:43i don't know something just falls off that's ridiculous i mean what do you want to do
00:25:49make out progress to prove it later let's go here we go piper is all tucked in honey everything
00:26:05looks amazing and happy holidays to the newest member of our family max oh welcome cheers thank
00:26:14you miss smith looks great oh just call me mom honey i had no idea what you liked so i just whipped
00:26:21up a little bit of everything but we all know what eva's favorite christmas dish is right oh no mom's
00:26:29testing him she's trying to see if he's legit you mean to tell me you two are married and you don't
00:26:33even know my baby girl's favorite food oh eva sweetie kicking my foot oh sorry mom i oh jeez
00:26:47it's okay look mom of course he knows it's i would like to hear max say it
00:27:0312 pumpkin pies i hear this right they're the best kind well of course it's it's it's pumpkin pie
00:27:13see are you happy now that's good but something still falls off mom don't make it weird okay we had
00:27:21a whirlwind romance and we eloped before we got to know everything about each other but our marriage
00:27:27is real i guess your mom's just watching too many of those real short shows uh now those are quality
00:27:36okay well then answer this where's your wedding ring eva where's your wedding ring eva
00:27:46i knew it was a good idea to pick this up well um it's silly face dropped it outside
00:27:53on the sidewalk luckily i was there to pick it up for her silly face and i am not paying extra for
00:28:02this consider it a christmas gift it's lousers nice you can afford this on a waste manager's salary
00:28:11well believe it or not miss smith there is a lot of garbage out there and i'm not just talking about
00:28:15william i'll drink to that i agree with you there so come on guys let's eat
00:28:29and this is where y'all will be staying i have another room set up for piper nice and festive for
00:28:42you no complications sorry honey uh mom you know what i should stay with piper tonight oh honey
00:28:50newlyweds shouldn't sleep apart
00:28:52oh i just remembered the city's turning the water off at 10 something about water conservation that
00:28:59means you have 15 minutes to shower 15 minutes honey it's no big deal just shower together shower together
00:29:11just shower together okay you guys have a good night okay
00:29:15you heard that
00:29:41oh whoa why are you stripping
00:29:45Well, I can't take a shower when you're closed on.
00:29:47Come on, we're wasting time. You have 15 minutes.
00:29:50Nice try. I am not showering with you.
00:29:53All right, suit yourself.
00:29:54More room for me in there.
00:29:56Not if I meet you there first.
00:30:14Come on, Max.
00:30:15Get out of the way.
00:30:17We agreed, nothing physical.
00:30:19You're the one with the dirty thoughts, wifey.
00:30:21Relax.
00:30:22I won't touch you.
00:30:24Unless you say you want me to.
00:30:27But that'll cost extra.
00:30:38And your dreams.
00:30:41Free to join me.
00:30:42You know, if you keep staring at my ass, you're not going to have any shower water left.
00:31:05You wish.
00:31:06Why aren't you getting in?
00:31:08Pray you'll fall for me.
00:31:10It's you who has to worry about resisting me.
00:31:13Oh, yeah?
00:31:13True.
00:31:14Holy shit.
00:31:26Holy shit.
00:31:28This is going to be harder than I thought.
00:31:36I'll say.
00:31:37What happened to all that cool guy confidence?
00:31:40Still think you can lose us?
00:31:42Baby.
00:31:44Baby.
00:31:44I don't think I'll want you.
00:31:51Max, I shouldn't.
00:31:52Or maybe we should.
00:31:57God, he's such a good kisser.
00:32:00Why does this feel so...
00:32:02familiar?
00:32:08Mom, we're so sexy.
00:32:11Max, we cannot do this.
00:32:21What?
00:32:22I didn't mean to cross any...
00:32:24It's not you, Max.
00:32:25It's us.
00:32:26It's this.
00:32:26This is all an act.
00:32:27Let's not make it more complicated than it is.
00:32:30You're right.
00:32:33I'm sorry.
00:32:34I just don't need to be sorry.
00:32:35That birthmark.
00:32:50What is that?
00:32:53It's him.
00:32:54The man from New Year's.
00:32:55Is he Piper's father?
00:33:00Why are you acting?
00:33:04Oh, my God.
00:33:04Max is Piper's father.
00:33:08Are you okay?
00:33:09Yeah.
00:33:10I just, um...
00:33:12I just got lightheaded.
00:33:13I think I just need a few more minutes.
00:33:15Alone.
00:33:18Of course.
00:33:21We have a daughter together.
00:33:23Oh, my God.
00:33:24What do I do?
00:33:31I'm gonna sleep on the floor.
00:33:33You can take the bed.
00:33:35Thanks.
00:33:38Hey.
00:33:39Are you sure you're okay?
00:33:42Look, fake marriage aside, I'm your husband for the next few days.
00:33:45So if there's something you need, I can help.
00:33:48I want to help.
00:33:50He's Piper's father.
00:33:52He has a right to know.
00:33:54Um, Max.
00:33:56Max.
00:33:57How would you feel if you found out you had a kid?
00:34:01A child?
00:34:04No, no, no.
00:34:06That's impossible.
00:34:07I'm very careful.
00:34:10Mostly.
00:34:13I just mean I'm not the type of guy to sleep around.
00:34:15Family to me is a big commitment.
00:34:17And I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:34:22Right.
00:34:23He wouldn't want a kid tying him down.
00:34:26I shouldn't tell him about Piper.
00:34:28Why do you ask?
00:34:30No reason.
00:34:31Just curious.
00:34:33No, I feel like you're going somewhere with this.
00:34:36What?
00:34:38No.
00:34:39Well, then, can I ask you a question?
00:34:43Shoot.
00:34:43Where did you get these?
00:34:50And how did you know my exact size?
00:34:52I did not get those.
00:34:54I don't know where those came from.
00:34:56Are you sure you're just not trying to break the contract?
00:35:01No.
00:35:02Stop.
00:35:02No.
00:35:04Stop.
00:35:04Whoa!
00:35:05Whoa!
00:35:13Elon, the truth is, is that I...
00:35:21Go, go, go, go, go.
00:35:24Just a second.
00:35:25Come in.
00:35:27Hey, hon.
00:35:28Oh!
00:35:29Sorry for interrupting, but Piper is asking for a bedtime story before I tuck around.
00:35:35Think you could take this one, Dad?
00:35:36We're kind of in the middle of something.
00:35:39I can see that.
00:35:41Well, why don't I read it to her?
00:35:42I mean, if you don't mind.
00:35:45Well, that a boy.
00:35:47You know what?
00:35:47Just put his shirt on.
00:35:48I'm going to go get her.
00:35:50Piper!
00:35:51Here comes Grandpa!
00:35:54He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle, and away they all flew, like the
00:36:00down of a thistle.
00:36:01But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight, Merry Christmas to all, and to all,
00:36:09a good night.
00:36:12If Piper knew he was her real dad, she'd be over the moon.
00:36:17Good night, Piper.
00:36:22Is her dad still around?
00:36:24Yeah, but he doesn't know it, because you're her dad.
00:36:28Uh, no.
00:36:29That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:36:38Do you really think so?
00:36:40From the bottom of my heart.
00:36:42Maybe I should tell him.
00:36:44He deserves to know.
00:36:45Max, you're Piper's father.
00:37:04I'll tell you when the time's right.
00:37:05Where's Piper?
00:37:31She must have snuck off while we were asleep.
00:37:34God, he's such a good kisser.
00:37:52Just gonna kiss and run?
00:38:03Not on my watch.
00:38:08Yeah, this.
00:38:10I remember this.
00:38:11Good morning, you two lovebugs.
00:38:24How was your stay at Chateau Smith?
00:38:27Good morning, Miss Smith.
00:38:28It was, uh, it was great.
00:38:30Wonderful.
00:38:31Well, it's about to get even better.
00:38:32Oh, no.
00:38:36What is that?
00:38:37Sardines and Saltines.
00:38:39It's a Smith family classic.
00:38:41It was my gram-grams favorite during wartime.
00:38:44Don't be shy.
00:38:44Go ahead, grab a handful.
00:38:47Max, you don't have to.
00:38:48No, no, it's okay.
00:38:50It's a Smith family staple.
00:38:52All right.
00:39:02Yeah.
00:39:03Yeah.
00:39:11Good?
00:39:12Mmm.
00:39:13Good?
00:39:15It's grumpy.
00:39:17Well, you two better get dressed.
00:39:18You gotta go see Aunt Miranda.
00:39:22Could I, um, could I have some water, please?
00:39:25That means there's no escaping Aunt Miranda and her brood this year.
00:39:29What's the deal with them?
00:39:30Every year, Aunt Miranda bullies Piper and I.
00:39:33Says Piper's a fatherless brat, and I'm...
00:39:37Hey, don't worry.
00:39:39I'll protect you and Piper.
00:39:43Better have Sam on standby tonight, just in case.
00:39:46Well, looks like it's time to get dressed up, then.
00:39:50Wait, that earring.
00:40:03Wait, that earring.
00:40:05You like it?
00:40:07I was so bummed when I lost the matching one years ago.
00:40:10Did you lose it seven years ago?
00:40:12I don't really remember the details, but luckily I was able to find a new pair.
00:40:18Right.
00:40:19Yeah, it's just a common earring.
00:40:21Anyone can have it.
00:40:22Maybe I'm reading too much into it.
00:40:24She can't be the woman from seven years ago.
00:40:29So, Ava and Piper still aren't here.
00:40:33But Derek said that Ava got married.
00:40:35Oof.
00:40:36What kind of man could she possibly have landed?
00:40:40An aging single mom.
00:40:42Slim pickings.
00:40:43I heard he's in waste management.
00:40:46That explains it.
00:40:47She's probably too embarrassed to show up.
00:40:50Oh, please, Miranda.
00:40:52Look, Ava is your niece.
00:40:54Oh, come on, Grandpa.
00:40:56Everyone knows Ava had a kid with a random one-night stand.
00:40:59Her track record speaks for itself.
00:41:01Exactly.
00:41:02Not like my Sierra.
00:41:03Married to a legal advisor for Harrison Group.
00:41:08Oh, they're here.
00:41:11Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:12Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:41:19Merry Christmas.
00:41:21You must be Grandpa Harold.
00:41:23I am.
00:41:24I'm Ava's husband, Max.
00:41:26Pleasure to meet you.
00:41:27Welcome.
00:41:27You're Ava's husband.
00:41:29But you're gorgeous.
00:41:33But what as handsome is you.
00:41:36Look at you two.
00:41:37You look like you just stepped out of a movie.
00:41:39Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
00:41:41Merry Christmas.
00:41:42This is for Max and I.
00:41:44Oh, my goodness.
00:41:45Thank you, Ava.
00:41:46Let me grab that for you, Daddy.
00:41:49Oops.
00:41:49Oh, my bad.
00:41:51Oh, a homemade gift.
00:41:53How thrifty.
00:41:54Andy, not all gifts are about the price tag.
00:41:57Mommy's right, you mean a little hack.
00:42:00You little.
00:42:02You will not lay a hand on my daughter, or you will lose yours.
00:42:07Oh, I think you broke my wrist.
00:42:10Look what you just did to my mother.
00:42:12My husband is Harrison Group's top legal advisor.
00:42:15He could ruin your life.
00:42:17Honey, are you okay?
00:42:31I'm fine.
00:42:31I'm just wet, huh?
00:42:33Yeah.
00:42:33It's okay.
00:42:33It's okay.
00:42:34It's okay.
00:42:36What are you?
00:42:39Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:42:42Did you just slap me?
00:42:44Next time, it'll be a closed fist.
00:42:46You're a fucking psycho.
00:42:47You know what, Ciara?
00:42:48I can take your little insults, but leave my family out of this.
00:42:54Her family.
00:42:55She needs me.
00:43:01You okay, honey?
00:43:02Do I look okay to you, dumbass?
00:43:04Do something.
00:43:06You don't know who you're messing with.
00:43:07I've got the full weight of the Harrison Group behind me.
00:43:10Oh, wow.
00:43:11I'm sure the CEO would love to hear that you're using his company's name to bully people.
00:43:16Like you'd have any idea how a CEO thinks.
00:43:19Let's call him.
00:43:20I'm sure he'd be more than happy to be on my side.
00:43:23Please.
00:43:24Who do you think you are?
00:43:26Enough!
00:43:29There will be no arguing during Christmas.
00:43:32Fine, Dad.
00:43:33Let it go, Nathan.
00:43:35They're just jealous.
00:43:38For Grandpa's sake, I'll let you off easy.
00:43:41I think you owe Nathan a thank you.
00:43:44I think you owe me a thank you for slapping some sense into you.
00:43:48Do you want me to get the other cheek?
00:43:49All right, that's enough.
00:43:51Everyone come inside and sit down.
00:43:53Is this a joke?
00:44:16Can you please pass me some food?
00:44:18Hold it.
00:44:18Who said you could eat anything else?
00:44:21My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:26My husband and I paid for this feast.
00:44:30King crab, fresh from Alaska, and grass-fed wagyu.
00:44:35Three times the price, 50 times the flavor.
00:44:39And you don't get a single bite.
00:44:41It's just petty.
00:44:42Maybe so.
00:44:43But gourmet food isn't meant for bottom feeders.
00:44:48Fine.
00:44:49Then we won't stay and eat with you.
00:44:51Come on, let's go.
00:44:52No, no.
00:44:53Don't you dare leave our family dinner.
00:44:57Grandpa, I'm sorry, but they're treating us like...
00:45:00I know, dear.
00:45:01I just want to have our family together.
00:45:03Fine.
00:45:04We'll let the strays sit and eat with us.
00:45:07Better a stray than a bitch.
00:45:08What was that?
00:45:09I just want to have our family together.
00:45:15Fine.
00:45:16We'll stay.
00:45:18Can I have a little napole?
00:45:20It's okay, sweetie.
00:45:21We'll get something right after.
00:45:23Like drive-thru?
00:45:25I hope you enjoy food poisoning.
00:45:28That will be a particularly memorable Christmas present.
00:45:32No strays.
00:45:34Ow.
00:45:34Sweetie, sweetie, are you okay?
00:45:36Yes, please.
00:45:37You hit my child.
00:45:39You're fucking crazy.
00:45:40Well, if you'd teach her some manners, maybe I wouldn't have to.
00:45:47Don't worry, baby.
00:45:49I'll handle it.
00:45:52Don't worry, baby.
00:45:53I'll handle it.
00:45:57Piper.
00:45:59Sweetie, are you ready to try the best food you've ever had in your life?
00:46:02Okay, sweetheart.
00:46:06Give me two minutes and one phone call.
00:46:08As if you have a chef on speed dial.
00:46:11Actually, I do.
00:46:14He's such a liar.
00:46:15This ought to be hilarious.
00:46:17Oh, it will be.
00:46:20Sam.
00:46:22Yeah, send the troops and bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:25I'm already on my way.
00:46:30Bring that king crab from Antarctica.
00:46:33I'm already on my way.
00:46:36You hear this guy?
00:46:37He wants the best king crab in the world from Antarctica.
00:46:42Now I get why you married him, Eva.
00:46:44His silly delusions are just adorable.
00:46:48Max, what are you doing?
00:46:49Don't worry about it, sweetheart.
00:46:51Santa's already on his way.
00:46:52Actually, five, four, three, two, one.
00:47:02A helicopter?
00:47:09There's no way.
00:47:16How did you pull this off?
00:47:18Sam is like family.
00:47:19I thought I'd introduce you to.
00:47:20Thanks, boss.
00:47:22Boss?
00:47:23Eva's always been genuine with me.
00:47:26Maybe it's time she knew who I really am.
00:47:28Eva, I think it's time you actually know the truth.
00:47:32I'm Maximus Harrison.
00:47:35You're the CEO of Harrison Group?
00:47:38Mm-hmm.
00:47:41Come on.
00:47:44You can stop kidding around.
00:47:45If you were the CEO, why would you be here pretending to be my husband?
00:47:50No, I actually am the CEO.
00:47:52Come on.
00:47:52You can stop the charade.
00:47:54Okay, this is just another favor from that bigwig friend, isn't it?
00:47:56Eva, I'm not pretending.
00:48:00Mr. Harrison, the Antarctic king crab as you requested.
00:48:03How is this possible?
00:48:15This loser brings Antarctic king crab and has his own personal chef?
00:48:21Who are you?
00:48:23I told you, I'm Eva's husband.
00:48:26That chef called him Mr. Harrison.
00:48:28Wait, no.
00:48:29Hold on.
00:48:31You're the actual CEO of the Harrison Group?
00:48:36You're worth more than some whole countries.
00:48:38Hmm.
00:48:39Some of the small ones.
00:48:41I mean, you know that.
00:48:43You work for me.
00:48:44Oh, God.
00:48:45I insulted my own boss.
00:48:48I'm finished.
00:48:48I'm finished.
00:48:53I didn't think Max would commit this hard.
00:49:00Pretending to be CEO is a hell of a move.
00:49:02Worth every penny I'm paying him.
00:49:04For tonight, your feast ends.
00:49:06And with that, your career.
00:49:09You're fired.
00:49:10Fired?
00:49:11Sam.
00:49:16Fired?
00:49:17God.
00:49:18I can't be fired.
00:49:20Yes!
00:49:21Mr. Harrison, please.
00:49:23You can have as much crab as you want.
00:49:25Please, Mr. Harrison, I'll do anything.
00:49:28Guys, take out the trash.
00:49:33And you.
00:49:36Oh, me?
00:49:38Mr. Harrison, come on.
00:49:40That was a Christmas joke, a family tradition.
00:49:44Yeah, well, there's a new family tradition.
00:49:46Sam?
00:49:47Sam?
00:49:48Hmm.
00:49:51Will you do me the honors?
00:49:54Gladly.
00:49:58Merry Christmas, Aunt Ryan.
00:50:02Father, do something!
00:50:05Well, you kind of deserve that.
00:50:07I'm leaving!
00:50:09Mmm, pumpkin, my favorite.
00:50:10Come on, sweetie.
00:50:18Daddy had this crab flying just for you.
00:50:20Eat as much as you want.
00:50:21Thanks, Daddy.
00:50:25I am so sorry I ruined your Christmas.
00:50:28I just couldn't take them treating you like that.
00:50:30Honestly?
00:50:30This is the best Christmas I've ever had.
00:50:34Well, if you want, we can have many more.
00:50:36Just like this.
00:50:38Does he really mean that?
00:50:39Or is he just playing the part?
00:50:41I can't tell.
00:50:43And that terrifies me.
00:50:49Merry Christmas, Miss Harrison.
00:50:51I brought you a gift.
00:50:52Here's the paternity test between the boss and that little girl.
00:50:54Oh, this is wonderful.
00:51:03Sam, I have a granddaughter.
00:51:06Tell me everything.
00:51:07Miss Eva Smith, single mother, small town gal, didn't finish high school, currently works in retail.
00:51:13Oh, Maximus, I thought I raised you better.
00:51:17A high school dropout?
00:51:18In the Harrison family?
00:51:20Not a chance.
00:51:25She is clearly unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:51:29Maximus seems to like her.
00:51:30Silence.
00:51:31Get me the address where she works.
00:51:33It's Happy Heels on Broadway.
00:51:35That's nice.
00:51:37We own that one.
00:51:38Good work.
00:51:40But take off that stupid hat.
00:51:41Thanks.
00:51:52So your dad insisted that I try this wine that he's been saving for 20 years.
00:51:58Sounds like he's happy with his new son-in-law.
00:52:01And how about you?
00:52:05Me?
00:52:06Yeah.
00:52:08Are you happy with your new husband?
00:52:10Eva.
00:52:25That birthmark.
00:52:26Family to me is a big commitment, and I don't want any loose ends, you know?
00:52:33Maximus, there's so much we don't know.
00:52:34So much we're not telling each other.
00:52:36Uh, no feelings, no complications.
00:52:40That's what we agreed upon.
00:52:41Yeah, I didn't sign a contract.
00:52:44Max.
00:52:45Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:52:48It's cold.
00:52:50Maybe I'll go grab some more firewood.
00:52:53Max.
00:52:54I need to tell you something.
00:52:59It's something important.
00:53:01What's gotten into her?
00:53:03Is she hiding something?
00:53:05Is this the part where you tell me there's no Santa?
00:53:08I haven't been completely honest with you.
00:53:10Piper is...
00:53:15Piper is...
00:53:16Piper is...
00:53:17Mommy, Daddy, my hand hurts.
00:53:20Sweetie.
00:53:21Oh, my gosh.
00:53:22It's all swollen.
00:53:23Must have been when that witch smacked her with the fork earlier.
00:53:25Listen, you stay here with Daddy.
00:53:26Mommy's gonna go get a first aid kit, okay?
00:53:31Come on, Piper.
00:53:31Okay, let me see.
00:53:39I promise I won't let anyone hurt you or Mommy again.
00:53:43But that's not true.
00:53:44You were leaving after Christmas, aren't you?
00:53:48Uh...
00:53:49Daddy!
00:53:50No!
00:53:51What?
00:53:57Don't you dare disrespect my husband.
00:54:01Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:06Well, maybe I don't have to leave.
00:54:08Really?
00:54:08Please stay, Daddy.
00:54:13You think you will scar?
00:54:17Hmm.
00:54:19I wouldn't worry about it.
00:54:21Scars make you look like a badass.
00:54:23I have one, too.
00:54:24Dad.
00:54:26I got that when I was about your age.
00:54:28Some punk came at me with a switchblade.
00:54:31Really?
00:54:32No way.
00:54:33No.
00:54:34It was actually a cactus.
00:54:35But it's still cool.
00:54:38I have something like that on the back of my neck.
00:54:44Piper, how long have you had that?
00:54:46My mom said I had that when I was born.
00:54:48And how old are you?
00:54:55Six.
00:54:57Six?
00:54:57That one night stand was about seven years ago.
00:55:00Okay, I found the first aid kit.
00:55:02Ivor, are you sure we haven't met before?
00:55:06What do I even say?
00:55:08And how do I explain it to Piper?
00:55:10Sorry, honey.
00:55:11This man's your dad, and he didn't know you existed until now.
00:55:14Um, yeah.
00:55:19Can I see your hand, sweetie?
00:55:21Eva.
00:55:26Okay, look.
00:55:29Piper is...
00:55:31Go on.
00:55:42It must be an emergency.
00:55:45Excuse me.
00:55:46Sorry.
00:55:47I'll take this.
00:55:54Mommy, are you okay?
00:55:56Yeah.
00:55:56Mommy's just realizing she's a coward.
00:56:01I don't even have the guts to tell the truth.
00:56:05Why haven't you picked up my calls?
00:56:08I'm telling you, Max, that woman is manipulating you.
00:56:12She's a high school dropout.
00:56:14Doesn't even have a decent job.
00:56:16And she's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:56:18I'm Eva's husband.
00:56:20Max.
00:56:20That man has no idea what a treasure he's missing out on.
00:56:26I'm sorry, Max.
00:56:30You can't know Piper's your daughter.
00:56:32Your mother would take her away.
00:56:34After Christmas, it's over.
00:56:38Eva?
00:56:39Maximus?
00:56:40Are you even listening to me?
00:56:43No, Mom, Mom, listen.
00:56:44I'm sorry, okay?
00:56:45Eva's my wife, and I've made up my mind.
00:56:47I'm not leaving her.
00:56:50Eva?
00:56:51Eva?
00:56:51Oh, thank you so much.
00:57:17Thanks, guys.
00:57:18I'm glad you're here.
00:57:21God!
00:57:22Oh!
00:57:23Wow!
00:57:24Damn, these are nice.
00:57:25Grandpa, language, little ears.
00:57:29I'm glad you're here.
00:57:33Piper, do you want to go see your present?
00:57:35It's in the other room by the train set.
00:57:37Here, I'll go with you.
00:57:38Remember the song that we sang?
00:57:40Ready, ready?
00:57:41Grandma got run over by a reindeer.
00:57:43What have we got, guys?
00:57:43Walking home from our house, Christmas Eve.
00:57:50You never told me.
00:57:54Have we met before?
00:57:59Have we met before?
00:58:01She's unfit to raise my granddaughter.
00:58:07I don't know what you're getting at.
00:58:10Eva, I have the same birthmark as Piper.
00:58:13I don't know what you're talking about.
00:58:22Lots of people have birthmarks.
00:58:23They're very common.
00:58:24I feel so awful, but I can't lose my child.
00:58:28No matter how I feel about him.
00:58:32Maybe.
00:58:35Are you okay?
00:58:38Are the clogs a bad idea?
00:58:40I know.
00:58:42I'm fine.
00:58:46Oh, I almost forgot.
00:58:50I got you this.
00:58:51You got me a gift, too?
00:58:53Tis the season.
00:58:55Open it.
00:58:55Gloves.
00:59:10Did you make these?
00:59:12Yeah.
00:59:13I know this is a fake marriage, but it's Christmas.
00:59:17You've already done so much for me.
00:59:18I just wanted to do a little something for you.
00:59:23How did I feel?
00:59:24Warm, right?
00:59:26Yeah.
00:59:27Warm.
00:59:29Soft.
00:59:33Perfect.
00:59:33Thank you, Eva.
00:59:39I've never gotten anything this meaningful before.
00:59:43Really?
00:59:45Yeah, my mom.
00:59:46She partied all the time.
00:59:47And I got gifts.
00:59:49Plenty of them, but...
00:59:51I don't think she ever bought one herself.
00:59:55Nothing personal.
00:59:57Well, you deserve it.
00:59:59You're a good guy.
01:00:02And someday you'll find someone special to spend all your Christmases with.
01:00:09What if that day's today?
01:00:14What if I already found someone special?
01:00:16Right here.
01:00:43Max, we can't...
01:00:45If you want me to stop, you better tell me right now.
01:00:53Come on.
01:00:55I don't want you to stop.
01:00:57Come on.
01:01:02No matter how many years pass, I still can't resist him.
01:01:05God, you were trying to be fucking insane.
01:01:32Piper!
01:01:44Piper?
01:01:46She can't see me.
01:02:02Eva?
01:02:10Grandma, I'm up here!
01:02:24That was way too close.
01:02:26Yeah. We would have gotten on the naughty list.
01:02:32Sometimes it's fun to be naughty.
01:02:36Can I still unwrap my present?
01:02:40You still haven't given me mine.
01:02:48Let me give it to you.
01:03:02Why are you calling me?
01:03:04Sorry.
01:03:06Hello?
01:03:08Hello, Eva Smith.
01:03:10I'm Max's mother.
01:03:22Name your price.
01:03:24What will it take for you to leave my son alone?
01:03:26What?
01:03:28We both know my son is way out of your league.
01:03:30Take the money, leave my granddaughter with us, and go.
01:03:32My son will find a better wife and a better mother for his child.
01:03:34Piper is my daughter.
01:03:36And no amount of money you offer could ever make me give her up.
01:03:38So you keep your money, and I'll leave on my own.
01:03:40But I am not handing Piper over to you.
01:03:42Piper is my daughter.
01:03:44And no amount of money you offer could ever make me give her up.
01:03:46So you keep your money, and I'll leave on my own.
01:03:48But I am not handing Piper over to you.
01:03:52Well, there's my beautiful wife.
01:03:56You okay?
01:03:58Look, we made it through Christmas.
01:04:00And I have to hold you.
01:04:02Why are you doing that?
01:04:04I don't know how to do it.
01:04:05Why are you doing that?
01:04:06I'm not doing that.
01:04:07I'm not doing that.
01:04:08I'm not doing that.
01:04:09Oh, I'm doing that.
01:04:10I'm doing that.
01:04:11I'm doing that.
01:04:12I'm doing that.
01:04:13I'm doing that.
01:04:15I'm doing that.
01:04:16I'm doing that.
01:04:17So I think it's best we go our separate ways.
01:04:22What are you talking about?
01:04:24It's over.
01:04:26It's not that hard to understand.
01:04:31Eva, wait.
01:04:35So last night meant nothing to you?
01:04:42Max, it's not real.
01:04:44None of it was real.
01:04:45So, this is just a goodbye.
01:04:49Didn't realize I was so disposable for you.
01:04:52Look.
01:04:55Last night, I let my guard down.
01:04:59But I'm a mother and my choices affect Piper.
01:05:02And being with you can mess up everything between us.
01:05:04Just tell me what you need.
01:05:07I'll do whatever it takes to be a good husband, a good father.
01:05:11Just say the word.
01:05:12You don't get it.
01:05:20You don't get it.
01:05:28I think it's time Piper and I go back to New York.
01:05:30I won't give up on us.
01:05:36Are we here?
01:05:53Yes.
01:05:55As much as I don't want us to be, we're back.
01:05:58Piper, sweetie, wake up.
01:06:03We're home.
01:06:08How can she just walk away?
01:06:10Don't forget you have to meet my mom.
01:06:19It's part of the agreement, too.
01:06:21Can I just pay you a little extra and skip it?
01:06:25You promised.
01:06:26Eva, I haven't asked you for much.
01:06:28Can you do this for me, please?
01:06:30All right, fine.
01:06:33When?
01:06:35Two days.
01:06:37I'll come pick you up.
01:06:38No need.
01:06:39Just send me the address and I'll meet you there.
01:06:41I know you and Mommy thought, but she still really likes you.
01:06:52So don't give up, okay, Daddy?
01:06:54Thank you, sweetie.
01:06:56If there's one thing you should know about your Daddy, I always fight for the ones I love.
01:07:00If you find me, I'm going to turn this up.
01:07:15It's the truth.
01:07:16Just take ten times.
01:07:20Eva's meeting my mother today.
01:07:21Time to finally tell her the truth.
01:07:24Boss?
01:07:26Boss?
01:07:26Lady and gentlemen, I am so sorry.
01:07:33I need to go win back my family.
01:07:35Family?
01:07:37Boss, you okay?
01:07:38Never better.
01:07:41Go get her, Max.
01:07:45Give it your best smile.
01:07:48Ah, there he is.
01:07:50Maximus, darling.
01:07:52I have some prospects for you.
01:07:54Nice high society girls.
01:07:56Miss from the city.
01:08:00Oh.
01:08:02I told you.
01:08:03I already found the woman I love.
01:08:11Maximus, stop this.
01:08:13That evil woman is scamming you, son.
01:08:17Tell me what kind of woman you want and I'll find you another.
01:08:21You are heir to the Harrison dynasty.
01:08:24No, I'm not.
01:08:25Oh.
01:08:27I work in waste management and I'm a secret crime boss.
01:08:32I'm Eva's husband and I'm a father.
01:08:36What?
01:08:37Oh, that's her, the woman who got my son head over heels.
01:08:56Hi, welcome in.
01:08:58Can I help you find something?
01:08:59I want to try those.
01:09:01Awesome, I'll get him for you right away.
01:09:07Are you sure you wouldn't want something more sensible?
01:09:13No, no, no.
01:09:14I know what I want.
01:09:16Size seven.
01:09:17Oh, baby can't even walk, but she wants $3,000 heels.
01:09:22Come on, she wants the white shoes.
01:09:30Ignore her.
01:09:31She's just grumpy over the holidays.
01:09:32Here, let me help you.
01:09:34Come on.
01:09:34She seems kind.
01:09:45I shouldn't be that impressed.
01:09:47She's just doing her job.
01:09:50How do they feel?
01:09:52Well, I love the style, but it's too small.
01:09:55I think I need a size up.
01:09:58Maybe my feet are still growing.
01:10:02Right away.
01:10:03I'll be right back.
01:10:05She's not only kind, she's patient.
01:10:08Was I wrong about her?
01:10:09Are you gluing the heel back on?
01:10:28Well, who gives a shit?
01:10:29She can't walk.
01:10:33That's just pure evil.
01:10:36Oh, come on, St. Eva.
01:10:40She's in a wheelchair.
01:10:42Who cares?
01:10:43It's the last pair.
01:10:44I get paid commission.
01:10:51I'm not doing that, Vanessa.
01:10:54See?
01:10:56This is your whole problem.
01:10:59This is why you'll always be broke.
01:11:02I don't care if she can walk or not.
01:11:05I'm not selling her junk.
01:11:08She has to deal with people like this?
01:11:11People who insult her all day?
01:11:14I'm your manager.
01:11:19Sell the old bitty the shoes,
01:11:22or you're fired.
01:11:28Did I stutter?
01:11:29You don't have to fire me.
01:11:37I quit.
01:11:43I don't work here anymore.
01:11:46Listen, don't buy the shoes.
01:11:49They're broken.
01:11:50Spend your heart and money elsewhere, okay?
01:11:51You're a good person after all.
01:11:54Looks like I misjudged you.
01:11:58I'm sorry?
01:12:00Why are you still here, Eva?
01:12:03Get out!
01:12:09You're not disabled?
01:12:11Selling a broken heel to someone you thought was handicapped?
01:12:15Absolutely shameful.
01:12:17Who are you?
01:12:18I am the chairwoman of the Harrison Group
01:12:23and the owner of this store.
01:12:26You're Eleanor Harrison,
01:12:27mother of the CEO?
01:12:30I am.
01:12:31And you, my dear, are fired.
01:12:34What did I do?
01:12:38You are a good person.
01:12:41From now on,
01:12:42this store is yours to run.
01:12:44Are you serious?
01:12:51That's right.
01:12:53Don't be nervous, child.
01:12:56You are professional,
01:12:57responsible,
01:12:58far better than that two-bit manager.
01:13:04You, out.
01:13:07I'll leave.
01:13:10I'm leaving.
01:13:11I, I, I feel like I'm dreaming.
01:13:17No, don't worry.
01:13:20You're getting a promotion.
01:13:22You deserve it, my dear.
01:13:26First assignment,
01:13:28I want that row
01:13:29and that row
01:13:31and the entire display case.
01:13:34Pack it all up
01:13:36and bring it to my house.
01:13:37Okay.
01:13:39Yeah.
01:13:39Once we're home,
01:13:42I'll tell her
01:13:43I'm her mother-in-law.
01:13:45I can't wait
01:13:45to finally meet
01:13:46my granddaughter.
01:13:54She's the mother of the CEO.
01:13:56Of course she lives like this.
01:13:57Mrs. Harrison,
01:14:08I'm here with your delivery.
01:14:13Max?
01:14:14Eva?
01:14:15What are you doing here?
01:14:18I, uh...
01:14:19There you are, Eva.
01:14:22Wonderful we can finally
01:14:23meet each other properly.
01:14:24my new daughter-in-law.
01:14:28What are you...
01:14:29That means you really are
01:14:33the CEO of Harrison Group.
01:14:37Well, I tried to tell you, but...
01:14:38Stop!
01:14:40And you?
01:14:41You lied to me at the store!
01:14:44You were both just testing me?
01:14:46Is this some sick game
01:14:48rich people play?
01:14:49I'm sorry, Eva.
01:14:50I thought you might
01:14:51be using my son
01:14:52just after his money.
01:14:54But I was wrong.
01:14:55Eva, please.
01:14:56I don't deserve
01:14:57to be treated like this.
01:14:58Not every working-class girl
01:15:00is after your money.
01:15:02How could you think
01:15:02that of me?
01:15:03It's not like that, dear.
01:15:06Eva,
01:15:06what are you talking about?
01:15:08Mom,
01:15:09what did you do?
01:15:10I was just trying
01:15:11to get the two of you
01:15:12back together.
01:15:13We're not together.
01:15:14and I can't love
01:15:16something that was
01:15:17never real.
01:15:21I made a horrible mistake.
01:15:24What are you waiting for, son?
01:15:26Go after her.
01:15:30Eva.
01:15:31Let me go!
01:15:32I swear,
01:15:33it's not what you think.
01:15:34Look,
01:15:34we come from
01:15:35two completely different worlds.
01:15:36Stop pretending
01:15:36like you care.
01:15:37I'm not pretending!
01:15:39Okay,
01:15:39I can't fake what we have.
01:15:40In everything I've done
01:15:41for you,
01:15:42and Piper,
01:15:43this is real.
01:15:44Touch my wife again,
01:15:50and I will snap
01:15:50every finger
01:15:51that you've got.
01:15:52Max,
01:15:53you came.
01:15:54God,
01:15:54you weren't driving me
01:15:55fucking insane.
01:15:58I'll do whatever it takes
01:16:00to be a good husband,
01:16:01a good father.
01:16:02Just say the word.
01:16:06See?
01:16:09Stop fighting.
01:16:12We belong together.
01:16:15You're wrong.
01:16:16Wrong about what?
01:16:18That you care?
01:16:20Or we belong together?
01:16:21Look,
01:16:22I already told you.
01:16:23We're from two
01:16:24completely different worlds.
01:16:25Now,
01:16:26I held up my end of the deal,
01:16:27and I met your mother,
01:16:28like we discussed.
01:16:29I want a fake divorce
01:16:30from my fake cousin.
01:16:35Eva.
01:16:38Eva!
01:16:38I'm sorry,
01:16:41Maximus.
01:16:42Walking away
01:16:43is the only choice
01:16:44I have.
01:16:50Ow!
01:16:52Are you okay,
01:16:53Mommy?
01:16:54Yeah, sweetie,
01:16:55I'm fine.
01:16:56Come here.
01:16:57No,
01:17:06you're not fine.
01:17:06You're sad.
01:17:09I'm okay,
01:17:10sweetie.
01:17:13I miss Daddy,
01:17:14too.
01:17:18I want Max
01:17:19to be my real daddy.
01:17:20I want Max
01:17:21to be my real daddy.
01:17:22I want Max
01:17:22to be my real daddy.
01:17:23Don't you want to be with him?
01:17:24You're right.
01:17:29What am I doing?
01:17:30Running like a coward?
01:17:33I've always taught you
01:17:34to be brave.
01:17:36Now it's time
01:17:37for Mommy
01:17:37to be brave, too.
01:17:40I believe in you.
01:17:41What are you gonna do, Mommy?
01:17:43I know exactly
01:17:44what to say to him.
01:17:48Maximus deserves to know
01:17:50Piper is his daughter.
01:17:54Enough sulking.
01:17:59Go get your wife
01:18:01and my grandbaby back.
01:18:03Don't you think
01:18:04I want to?
01:18:05She doesn't want me.
01:18:07I didn't raise you
01:18:08to give up.
01:18:09Your daughter
01:18:09is still out there.
01:18:10You can't abandon her.
01:18:12Mom,
01:18:12you don't get it.
01:18:14I made a deal
01:18:15with Eva
01:18:15to play my wife.
01:18:17And Piper,
01:18:18she was
01:18:18an added bonus.
01:18:21What are you talking about?
01:18:22I already ran
01:18:24a DNA test.
01:18:26Piper is your daughter.
01:18:28What?
01:18:29See for yourself.
01:18:36I was right.
01:18:38Seven years ago.
01:18:40New Year's.
01:18:40That woman
01:18:41was evil.
01:18:41Eva!
01:18:53Eva!
01:18:54Hey!
01:18:56Daddy!
01:18:57Daddy!
01:18:59Piper!
01:19:01I missed you
01:19:03so much, sweetheart.
01:19:09You came back.
01:19:11I, uh...
01:19:15Don't forget
01:19:17to be brave, Mommy.
01:19:24I, uh...
01:19:26I was scared.
01:19:28But I don't want
01:19:28to be scared anymore.
01:19:30Because what we have
01:19:31is real
01:19:32and it's worth
01:19:33fighting for.
01:19:35Sweetheart,
01:19:35I have
01:19:36something to tell you.
01:19:38I have something
01:19:39to tell you, too.
01:19:40Piper is your daughter.
01:19:45You knew.
01:19:46My sweet
01:19:47granddaughter.
01:19:48Mama!
01:19:49Oh!
01:19:52Well, I just found out
01:19:53for sure a few minutes ago,
01:19:54but you've known
01:19:55this whole time?
01:19:56I was scared.
01:19:58Okay, I didn't know
01:19:59if you were gonna
01:19:59take her from me.
01:20:00I didn't know
01:20:01how you were feeling.
01:20:03How could you not
01:20:04know how I felt?
01:20:05I love you, Eva.
01:20:20I love you, too.
01:20:22I promise
01:20:22for the rest of my life
01:20:24I'm going to make it
01:20:25up to you.
01:20:27As long as we're together
01:20:28it doesn't matter
01:20:30where we are.
01:20:30Will you marry me, Eva?
01:20:43For real this time?
01:20:44Yes.
01:20:46Yes, of course
01:20:47I'll marry you.
01:20:48Yes!
01:20:48Looks like you're stuck
01:21:01with me the next Christmas
01:21:02and the Christmas
01:21:03after that
01:21:04and forever.
01:21:05I wouldn't have it
01:21:08any other way.
01:21:14Who's that?
01:21:16Eva!
01:21:19Take me back!
01:21:22I'm sorry!
01:21:23I'm struck you,
01:21:24you're tired!
01:21:27Looks like I have to
01:21:28take out the trash
01:21:29again.
01:21:33No?
01:21:34Not funny?
01:21:35I don't know.
01:21:35I don't know.
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