00:00I think for me, I just didn't have the mental wherewithal to, first of all, life on the road
00:05was really tough for me. And I wasn't handling my voice. I didn't know how to keep and preserve my
00:09voice. So that just kind of spiraled me into a really dark place.
00:19My memories of writing My Last Serenade are none, because it was so long ago.
00:25Pretty difficult to remember.
00:26I think that song was a collaboration. I can't remember. I can't even remember who wrote all the riffs.
00:35It's just that long ago. I'm pretty sure Joel did the bridge. That's all I can remember.
00:45I remember coming up with the initial melody of the chorus, but it wasn't quite there.
00:50And he helped me bring it up to snuff.
00:52And then for me, you know, the verses, I think we originally tried, well, we came up with the heavy stuff,
00:59and then Roadrunner was like, well, maybe try to do the whole thing melodic or something like that.
01:05Oh, hell no.
01:05Do you remember? They're really pushing the, like, do more melodic stuff.
01:09Our A&R rep was filled with horrible ideas back then.
01:13It probably still is now.
01:14But what I thought was cool about it, we came back, and it was, you know, aggressive vocals,
01:20and then the bridge was kind of more yelled.
01:23And then the, so it was three different styles of vocals, but it's very much Adam just helping me figure that stuff out, for sure.
01:29That was quite a difficult time.
01:31Oh, yeah.
01:32Yes, it was. That record was awful for Adam and I.
01:35You sound awful on that record, though.
01:37Yeah, I think for me, you know, I just didn't have the mental wherewithal to, first of all, life on the road was really tough for me.
01:44And I wasn't handling my voice.
01:46I didn't know how to keep and preserve my voice.
01:48So that just kind of spiraled me into a really dark place.
01:51So seeing, you know, the band, after I left, seeing the band Blow Up, I was happy for them and actually relieved because, you know, I just wasn't in the right-hand space.
01:59I look back on it and I don't even recognize that person, but, you know, we all go through our challenges and our difficulties for a reason.
02:07So it's just amazing that it came full circle.
02:10You know, if I could go back in time and smack the shit out of younger me, I definitely would have.
02:14But, you know, I needed a more gentle hand back then, and I did not ask for help.
02:18So that was the beginning for me, though, to realize that I had some issues I had to deal with.
02:24So I can't regret it. It helped.
02:26And you just needed guidance on how to take care of your voice.
02:28Yeah, for sure.
02:30You were struggling. Every day was, like, misery for you.
02:34Yeah, well, I was scared, you know, really.
02:35And then my solution was to just, like, not hang out with anyone, not talk to anyone, not drink, nothing, like, not have any fun.
02:42So that made it worse, too.
02:43I was secluding myself, and I couldn't figure out how to do this properly.
02:47But that, you know, all that happened for a reason.
02:51It helped me figure out my mind and slowly start to figure out how to use my voice, which would take another decade or so to figure out.
02:59After the Hand of Heartache was released, we could see the momentum building, and the show was an interest.
03:06And it was incredible to watch, obviously, because, like I said earlier, you know, we were just this local band.
03:13You know, a couple of years back, and all of a sudden we're playing these shows in front of thousands of people.
03:17And I was like, wow, this is insane.
03:20And we just kept going, you know, snowballing and snowballing.
03:22Yeah.
03:28Maybe all of the clean vocals in Heartache, you know, made it more accessible to certain, you know, genres and outlets and whatnot.
03:36So that's great.
03:38And like I said, any exposure is good exposure.
03:40So, yeah, it was awesome.
03:43When I wrote that song, My Curse, once again, I didn't really feel like it was anything special.
03:51It was just kind of fun to write.
03:52And funny story about that song, and I will admit that I am 100% wrong working on it with Howard.
03:58He wrote that chorus, and I was like, that's not really a great hook, man.
04:03We've got to get something a little catchier for this chorus.
04:06And he's like, nope, I'm not changing it.
04:09I'm not changing it.
04:10I'm like, ugh, you stubborn bastard.
04:12And then, but now it's like one of our more popular songs.
04:15There is love
04:18Learning to find you
04:22Yeah, and that was definitely a challenge to approach Howard's material for two reasons.
04:28One, he's just a different voice in my different range.
04:30He's got a more round, you know, lower register that I admittedly was trying to emulate a little bit, you know, like to figure out how to do it.
04:40And number two, I've never really done that before.
04:41I've always been sing my own stuff, write my own stuff.
04:44So to wrap my head around lyrics that I didn't write, all that was definitely a challenge for me.
04:50But over time, you know, you start to find yourself within the songs.
04:54And then Melissa Cross, who's been incredible to me in my career, really helped me sort of realize that I shouldn't switch to sound like Howard.
05:04I need to figure out how to sing the songs my way, which took me a while to figure out, to be comfortable.
05:10And also just the techniques, you know, his high screams, for example.
05:15I was trying with all my might to get to those high screams with my technique, and I was destroying my voice.
05:23So trying to sound like Howard was killing me.
05:26And Melissa Cross, thankfully, was one of the people that was like, you got to stop doing that.
05:29You got to change and play them your way.
05:31But now, you know, when those songs come through the set, I don't even think that it's a Howard song.
05:37I'm not even thinking that.
05:39I'm thinking this is Kilsud, this is what we do.
05:41And it feels good.
05:42It's nice to not even consider that.
05:45And I enjoy, I mean, Arms of Sorrow is probably my favorite Kilsud song.
05:49And I love singing it.
05:51And it's mostly melodic.
05:52But it's great to be able to, over the years, get comfortable with that stuff.
05:58I remember when I heard In Due Time sonically, it really intrigued me because it has such a sort of dark-sounding beginning.
06:07And then when that chorus hit, it's super triumphant.
06:10It's like the sun coming through the clouds is what I kind of envisioned when I first heard the song.
06:21But then to me, it was like, well, how do I tell this story of like this triumph?
06:25I started with the darkness, you know, the verses are very sort of, I'm not doing well, mental problems, you know, trying to figure out how to overcome things.
06:34And then the chorus hits.
06:35It's like the wisdom of someone who's been through it going, you know, you're going to get through it.
06:40It's going to be all right.
06:41Just give it time.
06:41And it was like the phrase In Due Time is sort of in the zeitgeist, the human, you know, it's like people hear that phrase a lot.
06:51So to me, it was like, oh, that would make a good chorus because it's already something that everybody says.
06:56And it just really sort of spoke to me, at least the music, like the way that music sounded and the way it made me feel.
07:02That's not the first time we've had both of them collaborating on a Killswitch record.
07:06So it was kind of like, oh, we're doing it again.
07:08But, you know, the rules are reversed this time.
07:17That was a great feeling for me, obviously.
07:20It's just such a good statement to show people out there that like we don't have hard feelings.
07:25You know, it's like we're friends.
07:27We still care about each other all.
07:29And it's just we're family and it's a it's a I think it's a great message, you know, no stupid egos and, you know, this guy, man.
07:38Well, this guy.
07:39Yeah, none of that crap.
07:40So, yeah, I think the seed was planted for me starting to get to know him because, you know, started to show face on the road and hang out.
07:48And we were in England opening for Iron Maiden England.
07:51Here we are in England.
07:52And he was around to impress for his other projects.
07:57And I was like, you know, hey, man, do you think you'd want to jump on stage and do Heartache by yourself tonight?
08:02I think it'd be great.
08:04You know, a nice way to show the fans, hey, he's back, like whatever.
08:07And we're just having fun.
08:08It was two days in a row hanging with him.
08:11And then, you know, we're making this record.
08:14Started to have vocal troubles once again.
08:15And this is right before vocal surgery.
08:18So the song we're working on before my vocal surgery, and I couldn't sing this one note.
08:25And he's like, this is not good.
08:26Something's wrong.
08:27Something's really wrong.
08:28So I call my doctors.
08:29They should probably, like, rest and then get back to New York and get checked out.
08:34And I had been writing Signal Fire.
08:36It was actually written and done.
08:37And in the back of my mind, I kept thinking about, like, what would make this song better?
08:42What would make it cool?
08:43Because the whole concept of the song is about unity, coming to somebody's aid.
08:46And we had studio time.
08:48And he's just sitting there like, shit, now you have to go back home.
08:51I'm like, why don't we get Howard in to work on this while I can't do it?
08:55So I call him.
08:56I want to say it's like the next day he showed up.
08:59And I hadn't booked my flight yet.
09:01So I was like, I want to be here and just want to listen to this.
09:04So I have a really vivid memory of Adam and Howard tracking.
09:08And I'm just outside of the next room listening to that big, huge vibrato.
09:12And I'm like, this song is going to rule.
09:15It's going to be amazing.
09:16My dogs are fighting.
09:17Yeah.
09:20That's actually true.
09:21They were.
09:21Yeah.
09:22It's funny.
