- 2 days ago
A 15-year-old girl in late-1960s America is sucked into a dangerous odyssey and eventually seeks help.
William Shatner - Sam
Ruth Roman - Psychiatrist
Wendell Burton - Joel Clements
Julie Adams - Dorothy
Andy Griffith - Priest
Ayn Ruymen - Jan
Mimi Maynard - Beth Baum (as Mimi Saffian)
Jennifer Edwards - Chris
Jamie Smith-Jackson - Alice (as Jamie Smith Jackson)
Danny Michael Mann - Richie (as Daniel Michael Mann)
Frederick Herrick - Ted
Robert Carradine - Bill
Michael Morgan - Tim
Gary Marsh - Tom
Mackenzie Phillips - Doris (as Mackinzie Phillips)
Al Checco - Male Sadist
Brenda Thomson - Female Sadist
Charles Martin Smith - Jim (as Charlie Martin Smith)
Michael Moore - Bud
Jeanne Avery - The Teacher
Barbara Mallory - Marie
Michael Freeman - The Boy Pusher (as Michael A. Freeman)
Richard Alleman - Counterman
Elizabeth Guber - The Larson Baby (as Elizabeth Jill Guber)
William Shatner - Sam
Ruth Roman - Psychiatrist
Wendell Burton - Joel Clements
Julie Adams - Dorothy
Andy Griffith - Priest
Ayn Ruymen - Jan
Mimi Maynard - Beth Baum (as Mimi Saffian)
Jennifer Edwards - Chris
Jamie Smith-Jackson - Alice (as Jamie Smith Jackson)
Danny Michael Mann - Richie (as Daniel Michael Mann)
Frederick Herrick - Ted
Robert Carradine - Bill
Michael Morgan - Tim
Gary Marsh - Tom
Mackenzie Phillips - Doris (as Mackinzie Phillips)
Al Checco - Male Sadist
Brenda Thomson - Female Sadist
Charles Martin Smith - Jim (as Charlie Martin Smith)
Michael Moore - Bud
Jeanne Avery - The Teacher
Barbara Mallory - Marie
Michael Freeman - The Boy Pusher (as Michael A. Freeman)
Richard Alleman - Counterman
Elizabeth Guber - The Larson Baby (as Elizabeth Jill Guber)
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00:00Transcribed by —
00:00:30Hello, Dari.
00:00:48My name's Alice.
00:00:51I guess I'm buying you because I feel that at last I have something worthwhile to say.
00:00:56And since we've moved and I'm starting a new school, it's even more important that I have some place to be me, to say what I really think, and not to worry about how it sounds to anyone else.
00:01:09Dad seems happy about his new teaching job.
00:01:13I guess being an assistant dean's a big promotion.
00:01:16Mom loves our new house.
00:01:19And of course, Tim has a couple of friends already.
00:01:22I just hope that I can make a fresh start.
00:01:28Just got to keep my weight down so all my new clothes will fit.
00:01:31I've got to be more outgoing.
00:01:35Maybe I could even give a party here.
00:01:38I brought you some more hangers.
00:01:41Oh, Alice.
00:01:42You've had time to try on all of your clothes.
00:01:44Twice, probably three times.
00:01:46I mean, don't you want to put them all away now so you'll be ready for tomorrow?
00:01:48No, I just can't decide what to wear.
00:01:51Well, I think that looks very nice.
00:01:53Yeah, but supposing everybody goes in blue jeans.
00:01:55I mean, do you want me to look like a total misfit?
00:01:59I mean, after all, you're the one that's been after me to stop being a drag.
00:02:02I never called you a drag.
00:02:04You didn't have to.
00:02:05It showed in your eyes.
00:02:07It was because of your attitude, honey.
00:02:10I mean, it all seems so unfeeling and unlike you.
00:02:12I mean, even our last night, not letting old friends like Bobby and Sharon come around and say goodbye.
00:02:18How are three people supposed to have a party?
00:02:21Is that what it's all about?
00:02:26Is that what it's all about?
00:02:28The way you've been acting all last term.
00:02:32Is it because Sharon got a boyfriend?
00:02:33Oh, honey, I know this is a very difficult time for you, but it can be a wonderful time too.
00:02:52Best time of your life.
00:02:53Oh, I don't care.
00:02:55You will.
00:02:56You will as you mature, as you feel your body changing.
00:03:01You'll know it when the hormones come into your bloodstream.
00:03:05Nothing to be ashamed of, sweetheart.
00:03:07Or afraid of.
00:03:09Yeah.
00:03:09What about what about when the hormones enter the boy's bloodstream?
00:03:14Seth.
00:03:15Instant sex maniacs.
00:03:18Or didn't they used to get frustrated in the good old days?
00:03:23What do you do about that?
00:03:24Well, of course, I mean, boys do have a stronger sex drive at this age, but, well, you have to realize, you have to be aware of your own desires too, dear.
00:03:38You already gave me the sex lecture, remember?
00:03:41Well, honey, it's something that we can talk about.
00:03:43Any time.
00:03:46Sure, honey.
00:03:51Any time.
00:03:53I remember when we could talk that way.
00:03:56Now it's as if we speak different languages.
00:03:59Or maybe she's just as lost with words as I am, and we're both just groping around, unable to say what we really mean to each other.
00:04:07Sometimes, I just wish I could tell my mother I'm afraid.
00:04:13One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you smaller, and the ones that mother gives you don't do anything at all.
00:04:32And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're gonna fall, tell them all who the smoking character has given you the call.
00:04:59Call Alice.
00:05:01Call Alice.
00:05:03When she was just small.
00:05:06When the men on the chessboard get up and tell you where to go, and you just have some kind of mushroom, and your mind is painful.
00:05:26Call Alice.
00:05:28That is the thing you should know
00:05:36When the logic and proportion
00:05:40Hell's fallen, so I'll be dead
00:05:45And the one night is talking backwards
00:05:49And the Red Queen's overhead
00:05:54Remember, you're my friend
00:06:02Read your head
00:06:07Read your head
00:06:18Congratulations, Alice. Clothes were all wrong.
00:06:24Now, students, do you understand everything we've discussed today?
00:06:30Do you have your list of all the things that you need for classes tomorrow?
00:06:34Any questions?
00:06:36Jan Meeker is passing out your assignments, your schedules.
00:06:39Please be sure you have one before you go to lunch.
00:06:41And if there are any questions, I'd appreciate if you'd discuss it with me today.
00:06:45Don't forget student council elections tomorrow.
00:06:48Anybody interested in campaigning, you'd better get busy.
00:06:58Hey, are you going to the cafeteria?
00:07:04Hey, yeah, where is it?
00:07:07Where's the sign sign?
00:07:08Cafeteria, are you kidding?
00:07:10What's your bag?
00:07:11Oh, nice.
00:07:12Come on.
00:07:13I guess it doesn't matter what I wear or what I say.
00:07:17Whether I go to the cafeteria and eat all alone or try to sit with some other creep or what.
00:07:22Maybe it's never going to matter.
00:07:25I'm not going to make it in this school either.
00:07:34Double fries.
00:07:35Jumbo mullet.
00:07:39Well, Di, I still have you.
00:07:41But what a lousy month it's been.
00:07:44I've gained eight pounds, my face is breaking out, and...
00:07:48I think I've found a friend.
00:07:50Her name is Beth Baum.
00:07:52I've seen her around school and at a couple of other hamburger places.
00:07:56We seem to have a lot in common, besides our weight problems.
00:08:00We're both kind of shy, and we both feel older than most 15-year-olds.
00:08:05Now I'll have someone to walk with, to talk to in the cafeteria.
00:08:09We've decided to watch our figures, even if nobody else does.
00:08:14Beth is super cool about not being popular.
00:08:21Unlike me.
00:08:23But I'm afraid you have to be super smart to be that cool.
00:08:27Beth?
00:08:31Bethy?
00:08:33Huh?
00:08:34Do you suppose that girls like us never get married?
00:08:38Married?
00:08:41Well, all I'm trying to do is accelerate so that I can get out of high school and college.
00:08:45No, I mean ever, like, you know, when we're older.
00:08:48Well, if I can get good in languages, I should be able to get a job that involves a lot of travel.
00:08:54Oh, come on.
00:08:55Don't you ever want to get married?
00:08:57Yeah.
00:08:58I guess.
00:09:00Only I have this sort of nightmare.
00:09:04It's pretty weird.
00:09:05I have some weird dreams, too.
00:09:06Well, my grandmother told me that if a Jewish boy finds out that the girl he's marrying isn't a virgin, he can leave her right in the middle of the synagogue.
00:09:23Like, at the last minute, just walk out in front of everybody.
00:09:32But you're a virgin.
00:09:34I mean, aren't you?
00:09:36Well, now I am.
00:09:39But in the dream, I'm just standing in front of the rabbi in my beautiful gown.
00:09:46With everybody whispering, I'm not.
00:09:50How can they prove it?
00:09:53Some kind of examination, I guess.
00:09:56At the wedding?
00:09:58Oh, no.
00:10:03I don't know.
00:10:06My grandmother never told me how they prove it.
00:10:09Maybe she was lying just to scare me.
00:10:12Wouldn't somebody in your family know?
00:10:15I can't ask them that.
00:10:19What would they think?
00:10:22I know.
00:10:28It's strange that Beth and I can talk so easily, and I can tell her all about my diary.
00:10:33But I'm afraid to let my mother and father know that I have one.
00:10:37It's strange, too, how time went so slowly for Beth and I before we met each other.
00:10:42And now that we're friends, it's gone by so fast.
00:10:45The term was over before we knew it.
00:10:51Maybe we're too dependent on each other.
00:10:54But what are Beth's friends for?
00:10:56We're both dreaded the end of the semester because now Beth has to go away for the summer to camp in Vermont.
00:11:02And I'm stuck here.
00:11:05At least Mom and Dad understand how lonely I'll be, and they're going to let me make two long-distance calls to her.
00:11:10It's decent of them, but it's still going to be a terrible summer.
00:11:14I've never been so bored in all my life.
00:11:32Hey, uh, why don't you come in?
00:11:52Hi. How are you?
00:11:54I didn't know you worked here.
00:11:56Yeah, it's summer.
00:11:58Do you want to look around?
00:12:00Yeah.
00:12:06It makes me want to ask my dad for some more money for clothes.
00:12:10Uh, your dad's kind of big, right?
00:12:15What, you mean because of his lectures?
00:12:17Yeah, I hear his name, you know, all over the place.
00:12:23Um, my folks might, uh, be going away this weekend to a party, and I thought, uh, I'd have one of my own.
00:12:31Are you free?
00:12:34Am I free?
00:12:36Wow, am I free.
00:12:38One of these guys must be college-age. I've never seen them around our school.
00:12:51I guess they're all as nice as Chris when you get to know them.
00:12:54I just hope some of the kids don't start that number about dope or drinking.
00:12:59I'll either have to admit I've never tried it or fake it.
00:13:02All right.
00:13:03Button, button.
00:13:04You okay?
00:13:05Button, button, forget the button.
00:13:06Button, button, forget the button.
00:13:07Button, button, forget the button.
00:13:10Don't be greedy.
00:13:12I'm telling you, honey, baby.
00:13:13Come on.
00:13:15On the, uh, different.
00:13:17Yeah.
00:13:19Button, button.
00:13:22Button, button.
00:13:23Button, button.
00:13:24I don't know you're reading.
00:13:26I'll tell you father.
00:13:27I think it's true.
00:13:29This will do it.
00:13:30Okay.
00:13:31I love you.
00:13:32This will make you happy.
00:13:33Mr. Fountas keep place, aren't you?
00:13:38This will be interesting.
00:13:39Some things make this all happy.
00:13:44You will be missing, the sound of this movie.
00:13:49Sing the song, save your time to stay.
00:13:53Thank you Mr. Fountas song.
00:13:56And we have our first winter of the evening.
00:14:04What's happening?
00:14:06Don't worry, just relax.
00:14:11You're really strange, I feel...
00:14:14You're really sick.
00:14:18Now, while I'm here, just let it happen.
00:14:26I feel like they're trying to poison me.
00:14:41No, no, they aren't.
00:14:43Enjoy it.
00:14:45We're going to have a beautiful trip, I promise.
00:14:48But that's why I didn't get any.
00:14:51So I could take care of you.
00:14:56At first, I felt totally cut off from everyone.
00:15:03I felt that I was dying very slowly.
00:15:07And knew that no one in the world outside me could help.
00:15:12It was so frightening that I wanted to die.
00:15:15Then the ugliness left.
00:15:21And everything, anything became new and beautiful.
00:15:26After that, I felt I'd found the perfect, true, and original language.
00:15:36My mind seemed to possess all the wisdom and knowledge of the ages.
00:15:41There were no words adequate to explain it to anyone.
00:15:48And for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful, free, and uninhibited.
00:15:55Now that it's over, I'm not sure whether I'm ashamed or elated.
00:16:04I guess I'm glad they did it to me, because I can honestly say it wasn't my decision.
00:16:10I'll always remember that feeling.
00:16:13But it's over.
00:16:14I've had the experience now.
00:16:16And I'll never do it again.
00:16:20Beau!
00:16:24Are you awake?
00:16:25It's almost noon.
00:16:27It's, um, it's that boy, Richie, who brought you home from the party last night.
00:16:33You want to take it, or you want me to have him call you back?
00:16:39Alice?
00:16:42Yeah.
00:16:44Yeah, I'll take it.
00:16:46The summer is getting pretty skitzy now, tripping with Richie at night, playing it straight in the daytime.
00:16:54Mom and Dad don't suspect anything as far as drugs go, of course.
00:16:58But they're nagging about my hair and clothes and attitude aren't up to drive me crazy.
00:17:03That, plus my monthly pregnancy scare, makes me borrow a lot of Mom and Dad's tranquilizers, but they never miss them.
00:17:10Richie says parents always notice missing booze, but never pills or cash.
00:17:14He says that shows where their heads are at.
00:17:19Well, diary school has finally started again.
00:17:22It's really weird how the same place I hated last term has become my sanctuary this term.
00:17:28I'm down to 103 pounds and feeling great.
00:17:31Whenever I get hungry or tired, I just pop a binning.
00:17:34Richie even gives me the stuff to have when I'm alone and want to turn on.
00:17:37Well, isn't that nice?
00:17:43Alice?
00:17:45Oh, there you are.
00:17:46I almost didn't recognize you.
00:17:51Hey, listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you back on Saturday.
00:17:53It was just that, uh, this weekend was really wild.
00:17:58Like all three weeks I've been home.
00:18:00Three weeks?
00:18:01Far out.
00:18:02Well, I didn't realize it had been that long.
00:18:04It's just that I've been really busy.
00:18:06And, um, well, I've got an old man now.
00:18:10Yeah, well, I met somebody, too.
00:18:13His name is Bud.
00:18:15He goes to college back east.
00:18:17So, I guess we won't be able to see each other except on weekends and holidays and things.
00:18:24You know.
00:18:26But we decided it was worth the wait.
00:18:29Yeah, well, uh, still waiting, huh?
00:18:34Well, you know, our families and things.
00:18:37Hey, Alice, you want to go for lunch?
00:18:39Yeah, be right there.
00:18:41Hey, listen, I've got to go, okay?
00:18:43I'll see you around.
00:18:44Yeah, well, I'd really like you to meet him sometime, if you can.
00:18:48Sure, anytime.
00:18:49Just call.
00:18:51Sure.
00:18:55How can you tell somebody you've outgrown them?
00:19:06Sometimes I wish every straight kid could be turned on like I was.
00:19:10Just once.
00:19:11Feel that first beautiful lift.
00:19:13Then they find out what they're missing.
00:19:16And join the party.
00:19:18Instead of getting left out like Beth.
00:19:21I thought about inviting her, but she would have gotten really uptight when we started doing this stuff.
00:19:27Happy birthday, Alice!
00:19:31Hey, man, your brother's on fire.
00:19:33Stand up, stand up, stand up, stand up, and take your praise, your praise, stand up.
00:19:42She can't.
00:19:43Don't you want me to blow up my candles?
00:19:54Well, sure, he wants you to blow out the candles.
00:19:57Come on, kids.
00:19:59I mean, it's not old-fashioned to celebrate a birthday these days, is it?
00:20:03Listen, we're really dying for something sweet.
00:20:06Yeah, we pray for you.
00:20:09What do you say, honey?
00:20:11Birthday cakes aren't so square.
00:20:13They're round.
00:20:16Alice, make your wish.
00:20:17This year, we break out the champagne.
00:20:25Can you believe it?
00:20:27Stoned out of our minds, my own parents can't tell the difference.
00:20:31How do they get to the age they are?
00:20:33Who's more out of it, them or us?
00:20:35Having a wonderful time.
00:20:40Wish you were here.
00:20:41I could tell you a thing or two.
00:21:02Come on, you guys.
00:21:03It's time to eat.
00:21:05Hey, good catch.
00:21:21I, uh, thought I'd bring these cats over to you.
00:21:24Good.
00:21:26Gonna meet my family.
00:21:28Dottie, Joel Clemon.
00:21:31Hi.
00:21:31How do you do?
00:21:32Slave-driven TA.
00:21:33Very good.
00:21:34Nice to meet you.
00:21:34Are you the Chaucer assistant?
00:21:36Uh, no.
00:21:37I'm in contemporary lit.
00:21:38My middle English stinks.
00:21:39And this is Big Tim.
00:21:40Hi.
00:21:40Our star-in.
00:21:42That's Alice over there.
00:21:44Alice?
00:21:44That used to be Alice.
00:21:45Honey, isn't that Alice?
00:21:46I'm sure that's Alice.
00:21:47She's been sleeping in Alice's room lately.
00:21:49Well, the feet look familiar, but the hair kind of eyes everything else.
00:21:53You weren't so uptight about yourself, she wouldn't be bugging me all the time.
00:21:56Honey, there's no way to speak to your mother.
00:21:57It's okay.
00:21:58It's okay.
00:21:58Okay.
00:21:59Uh, Joel, uh, how about staying for some cold ham and potato salad?
00:22:03Uh, sure.
00:22:04Uh, if I'm not intruding, I, I don't...
00:22:06No, no, no.
00:22:07Listen.
00:22:08If war breaks out again between the generations, you can referee.
00:22:12Do you bring your striped shirt and whistle?
00:22:13He, he, he.
00:22:18He eats more than I do.
00:22:20Ah, Tim was our refuse department.
00:22:21If they gave a scholarship for Gluttony, Tim would be a shoo-in.
00:22:26That's terrible.
00:22:30What do you know about that scholarship renewal for Richie, uh, what's his name?
00:22:34Alice's friend.
00:22:35He's in your section, isn't he?
00:22:37Oh, yeah.
00:22:38Um, well, he started out pretty good, but he's been slipping a lot lately.
00:22:41He's got top grades on his papers.
00:22:43I saw them.
00:22:45Well, yeah, he's, he's a smart guy, all right.
00:22:46But, um, well, he's got a lot of work that's overdue.
00:22:49Well, he's not going to lose his scholarship, is he?
00:22:58Does he care?
00:23:09Wish Richie were here to straighten them out.
00:23:11And I wouldn't have to zonk myself to get through moments like this.
00:23:15Between the downs at home and, and the uppers at school to get over the downs.
00:23:19I'm popping more pills than I can keep track of.
00:23:32Did you hear about Bill getting busted?
00:23:34Yeah, yeah.
00:23:35Possession and dealing.
00:23:37I heard all about it.
00:23:38He's pushing at the junior high.
00:23:40Junior high?
00:23:42What, what if he's, um, says things about his connections?
00:23:46Now, look, ladies.
00:23:48Two more facts of life.
00:23:50One, he's not going to say anything.
00:23:54Nobody's going to say anything.
00:23:56Two, anybody who wants to pay for a high,
00:24:00he's going to find the source.
00:24:02Right?
00:24:03So, junior high or senior high,
00:24:06somebody's going to make the bread.
00:24:07Might as well be us, baby.
00:24:11It's like penny candy for these pre-meds to get this stuff.
00:24:15The whole scene, whatever anybody's bag is.
00:24:18All they want.
00:24:22Yeah, we don't have the time to push Richie.
00:24:23Yeah, but, you know,
00:24:27his school isn't in that car.
00:24:29And, you know,
00:24:30it's taking a chance, isn't it?
00:24:32It's worth taking a chance.
00:24:34Except for the labs we miss.
00:24:37I just don't understand
00:24:39why you're into this pushing all of a sudden.
00:24:44Don't you work on weekends anymore?
00:24:46No, don't get me enough.
00:24:47It's what comes from too much talk
00:24:55and not enough smoke.
00:24:58Alice and I could, um,
00:25:00do Bill's number
00:25:01at the junior high.
00:25:04Bill was pushing mostly pills.
00:25:09We could use Mido, couldn't we, Richie?
00:25:12You're going to miss it.
00:25:13Well, I think I could pay it back to you.
00:25:18You're good to me.
00:25:21You're good.
00:25:21Wow.
00:25:24Would you do that for me?
00:25:28Sure.
00:25:29I'd do anything.
00:25:32You haven't had any speed yet, have you?
00:25:35No.
00:25:39Well,
00:25:40I got some good news.
00:25:43When I'm with Richie
00:25:52and we're both high,
00:25:53it's really a wild feeling.
00:25:56But when we're not high,
00:25:57he seems to forget about me.
00:25:59He, he never even touches me then.
00:26:02Sometimes I find myself wondering
00:26:04what it, what it's like without dope.
00:26:07Just feeling things straight.
00:26:09I thought you'd be older.
00:26:20I'm pushing it to grade school.
00:26:21I'm pushing it to grade school.
00:26:21Are these yours?
00:26:46No.
00:26:47Somebody just gave them to me.
00:26:52I didn't even want them.
00:26:54Who is it, Richie?
00:26:55Is this the reason for his slump at school?
00:26:57And your computer?
00:26:59The reason for his slump is because he's out on his feet.
00:27:02Richie has two night jobs and...
00:27:05Besides, he can't prescribe medicine just because he's in pre-med.
00:27:10And anyhow, I'm not in a slump, so...
00:27:14So I guess you got your signals crossed, huh?
00:27:16Then straighten us out, honey.
00:27:18If it wasn't Richie, where'd you get those pills you had upstairs?
00:27:21Uh...
00:27:23Some girl for some cramps or something or just about anybody to stay up for a test.
00:27:28I haven't even tried them. I didn't even know I really had them.
00:27:31I found them right in your desk.
00:27:33You vacuum the inside of my desk now?
00:27:37The drawer was open. They were right on top.
00:27:41So I guess I wasn't expecting a search then.
00:27:43I don't search my children's room.
00:27:45She knows that, Dolly. She knows that we respect her privacy, honey.
00:27:48All we want is to be sure that you aren't experimenting with this stuff or any other drugs.
00:27:53And that you'll tell us about it if you do try.
00:27:56All we want is your word.
00:28:01We always trusted you, Alice.
00:28:04And we want to keep on trusting you.
00:28:06I know you have.
00:28:13I give you my word.
00:28:15Now, that's what I hope to hear.
00:28:45Who was that?
00:29:14Who was that?
00:29:17Man, are we dummies.
00:29:19Those creeps were just using us.
00:29:21Both of us.
00:29:23Us and God knows how many other stupid girls.
00:29:26The least we can do is take the money.
00:29:29It's ours, too.
00:29:31It.
00:29:32Do you think we did the right thing?
00:29:52Well, I think it would be worse if we stayed.
00:30:05Now all that money's gone, I don't trust her or Richie.
00:30:08I don't even trust myself.
00:30:12Well, how long do you think that $200 is going to last us?
00:30:22It'll last.
00:30:26Maybe if we keep straight.
00:30:31Maybe if we promise to keep straight.
00:30:37I can't promise, Chris.
00:30:43I can't trust myself.
00:30:46I can't trust myself either.
00:30:50It was kind of a bad scene we're into.
00:30:55Kicking all that stuff.
00:30:58You told me that it was just for fun.
00:31:01That we weren't really hooked.
00:31:04I don't know, Alice.
00:31:08I haven't been straight for two years.
00:31:34I don't know, Alice.
00:31:54Where's Chris?
00:31:56Have you got anything?
00:32:01Where is she?
00:32:02Listen, I don't know any Chris.
00:32:04You got any uppers left?
00:32:06I don't know you.
00:32:09What's the matter? Are you in a blackout?
00:32:11I brought you here.
00:32:14Who are you?
00:32:16I'm Dora.
00:32:17We've been all over.
00:32:19For how long?
00:32:24Forever.
00:32:32What happened to the music?
00:32:37The whole rally was canceled, remember?
00:32:40Somebody must have really sipped you a bad pill.
00:32:43Yeah, well...
00:32:45I wish they'd do it again.
00:32:47Yeah.
00:32:48I figured there'd be a few cats left to tie me out.
00:32:51Dying.
00:32:55Hey, there's gotta be some place to crash around here, right?
00:32:58Yeah, there's this crepe at the Digger's Cafe.
00:33:00He'll give you some bread to go home with him.
00:33:02So why don't you?
00:33:04Try it.
00:33:05It says Baby Hooker's turned to Mom.
00:33:08Been making it longer than he has.
00:33:15How old are you?
00:33:18You know, 14.
00:33:27He, uh...
00:33:30I gotta go home.
00:33:31I'll see you.
00:33:35Hey, wait, wait.
00:33:36Don't you want this?
00:33:41What are you writing?
00:33:43I don't remember.
00:33:45Yeah, well, I bet it's really far up stuff.
00:33:47See you later, Al.
00:33:48Okay, Diary.
00:33:49It's happened.
00:33:50Damn.
00:33:51We didn't even last a month.
00:33:52Dallas to Phoenix to L.A.
00:33:53No jobs anywhere but...
00:33:54plenty of dope.
00:33:55How you pay for it?
00:33:56Something else.
00:33:57Use your imagination, the man said.
00:33:58And...
00:33:59Even that doesn't work sometimes.
00:34:00After a while, you don't even know what you're buying.
00:34:01Pure acid turns out to be a horse tranquilizer.
00:34:05I got on a jag with speed.
00:34:06Didn't eat for five days.
00:34:08how you pay for it, something else.
00:34:12Use your imagination, the man said.
00:34:16And even that doesn't work sometimes.
00:34:23After a while, you don't even know what you're buying.
00:34:26Pure acid turns out to be your tranquilizer.
00:34:29I got on the jag with speed.
00:34:31Didn't eat for five days.
00:34:33Gotta stay away from the hard stuff.
00:34:35But sometimes grass just doesn't make it for me.
00:34:39Chris likes heroin, but it makes me too sick.
00:34:42Little Alice searches for the perfect drug.
00:34:46Still not sure if I'm pregnant.
00:34:48None of us takes that pill,
00:34:49because even if we had it, we never know what day it is.
00:34:53Chris and I found a place to crash.
00:34:55Weird lady, a weird man, but can be that choosy.
00:35:00They keep their dope in candy dishes.
00:35:02Oh, God, how do we get out of here?
00:35:08We're like prisoners.
00:35:12They just got Chris in the other room.
00:35:15I can hear her screaming.
00:35:16I can hear her screaming.
00:35:16I can hear her��
00:35:38We're just about booked up. Are you coming or going?
00:36:00Well, I'm not Catholic.
00:36:04Neither are they.
00:36:04Someone at the digger's cafe said that there was a priest here who knew about kids.
00:36:16Knew what?
00:36:18Just knew.
00:36:20I think he knew more about winos than drunks, but they're kind of outnumbered now.
00:36:25Do you want some coffee?
00:36:28Yeah, I wanted to show him something.
00:36:32Let me, please.
00:36:33Whatever.
00:36:37Hey, I'm sorry. It's just that it's my diary.
00:36:44Well, I'm the priest.
00:36:49Come on.
00:36:50Hey, ma'am. Remember when we felt beautiful?
00:37:11About a hundred years ago.
00:37:23Did you get to read it?
00:37:25Of course, son.
00:37:32I couldn't.
00:37:35Well,
00:37:36What do you say?
00:37:43You're not Catholic.
00:37:45Was it really meant to be a confession?
00:37:48Except maybe to yourself.
00:37:50When you start worrying about what makes good reading,
00:37:53you might quit writing this stuff.
00:37:56I can't even look at it.
00:38:00I tried to, and...
00:38:03Yeah, you tried.
00:38:06It made me sick.
00:38:13It made me sick.
00:38:18I am sick.
00:38:19I...
00:38:20Look, I need something.
00:38:24Like what?
00:38:25Another expert opinion.
00:38:31All right.
00:38:33All right, all right.
00:38:35I've got to stop.
00:38:37But I can't.
00:38:39I tried months ago.
00:38:40No, I can't.
00:38:42I can't stay off of it.
00:38:53I like it.
00:38:58I don't want to live without it.
00:39:04Then you'll have to live with this.
00:39:10It's your choice.
00:39:16Mother.
00:39:17It's your choice.
00:39:19Oh, father.
00:39:22One of you gets this.
00:39:24And the other one is it.
00:39:34It's all right.
00:39:36It's all right.
00:39:38It's over.
00:39:38They're gone.
00:39:39They're gone.
00:39:40It's just like it wasn't a diary.
00:39:42They were good.
00:39:55They were there for three days.
00:39:59Where are you?
00:40:02I don't know.
00:40:06I don't know anything but what I read.
00:40:08That's the part to make.
00:40:09Maybe.
00:40:17Maybe.
00:40:19Maybe it never really happened.
00:40:20I mean, maybe I was just so upset that I made the whole thing up.
00:40:26Because Chris left.
00:40:27Do you want an opinion?
00:40:29Or do you want an alibi?
00:40:31I don't know anything like that.
00:40:31I don't want an alibi?
00:40:36It's my fault.
00:40:36I don't want an alibi.
00:40:38It's my fault.
00:40:40I don't want an alibi.
00:40:42Listen, isn't it better for me to freak you out than brain damage?
00:40:55I don't know what went down anymore.
00:40:59That came.
00:41:01I know.
00:41:03Let the priest put it all together again.
00:41:05Put a little help from the big head sitter in the sky.
00:41:07Well, don't count on him.
00:41:08You're looking for magic.
00:41:10I'm looking for help.
00:41:12Then look inside.
00:41:21Look at the part of you that won't give up.
00:41:24The part of you that stays alive through a blackout.
00:41:28The part of you that won't let you lie to yourself or your diary.
00:41:35I didn't read it.
00:41:37I didn't have to read much of it.
00:41:40I've heard it all.
00:41:42The thing that makes you different from a lot of the others is this.
00:41:54At last I have something worthwhile to say.
00:41:57God knows you do.
00:42:03Maybe it isn't what you thought you were saying.
00:42:05But it's enough to break your heart.
00:42:08Or your habit.
00:42:09Can you imagine what some of these kids would write in a diary?
00:42:16365 pages with wow scrawled across every one of them.
00:42:26Lock this up for now.
00:42:27And be sure to get another one of these when you get home.
00:42:33You might as well stay hooked on your good habits.
00:42:36Mm-hmm.
00:42:38Sure.
00:42:40Boy, you want to do a crash forever?
00:42:42Like him?
00:42:45The three of us make an odd couple.
00:42:49Come on.
00:42:50You're ready.
00:42:51This your home phone.
00:42:52Please don't wait.
00:42:57Well, you want to, don't you?
00:43:02I don't want to make things worse.
00:43:06Take a chance.
00:43:11It's there, Don.
00:43:13You're going to reverse the charges.
00:43:15Operator.
00:43:22Area code 513.
00:43:25The number is 388-2685.
00:43:28Collect, please.
00:43:30Party calling is Alps.
00:43:33Just Alps.
00:43:34They'll know who it is.
00:43:38Who answered?
00:43:40Your father, but they're all getting on.
00:43:45I can't.
00:43:46I can't.
00:43:51It's all yours, Alice.
00:43:54All yours.
00:43:57Alice?
00:44:01Alice?
00:44:02Alice, please.
00:44:03Say hello.
00:44:06Alice?
00:44:07Stephanie?
00:44:11Oh, Mommy, Tim.
00:44:13I love you.
00:44:15Come on.
00:44:19Come on, Dara.
00:44:21Somehow, Dara, I'm going to make it up to my family.
00:44:25They don't care what happened.
00:44:26They don't even ask.
00:44:28They just want to show the whole world that they're behind me.
00:44:31So that makes three on our side,
00:44:33just in case the world's lined up the other way.
00:44:40Uh, have you got some stuff?
00:44:41I mean, you're kidding.
00:44:48Oh, hey, wait.
00:44:49You're Alice, aren't you?
00:44:52Forget it.
00:44:54No, look.
00:44:54Bill said you'd be holding.
00:44:55Well, tell Bill to forget it, too.
00:44:57Now you're holding.
00:45:11Welcome home.
00:45:11Now I'm not holding.
00:45:29I thought, if they knew how much I wanted those pills.
00:45:43I'm still shaking, but I can't blow it now.
00:45:47Not a second time.
00:45:48I can't wait for your party Saturday night.
00:45:55Can you get me a college guy, too?
00:45:57Oh, sure.
00:45:57Thanks.
00:45:58I'll see you later.
00:45:59Bye.
00:46:02Hi.
00:46:05Hey, uh, congratulations.
00:46:08Is, is Bud around?
00:46:10Well, he won't be here till the party.
00:46:13Hey, that's okay.
00:46:16I'm sorry.
00:46:18Look, fair's fair.
00:46:19I didn't invite you to my party.
00:46:20That's not why.
00:46:22It's just that everybody in school knows who's on and who's off now.
00:46:30It's like two different worlds.
00:46:32I mean, once you get a reputation.
00:46:34I mean, it's just that straight kids are so outnumbered, Alice.
00:46:41They just get suspicious.
00:46:43Yeah, and, uh, the users are so paranoid that they can't stand to have any straight ones around.
00:46:51Makes for a lot of fun.
00:46:56Look, I really wish I could invite you.
00:46:58I just can't.
00:46:59I'm sorry.
00:47:01Hey, I understand.
00:47:04Well, Dower, you're still the only friend I have.
00:47:11It's awfully cold out here in no man's land.
00:47:14Even Chris is lucky.
00:47:16Her parents just moved away after she got home and let her start all over again.
00:47:20Well, Jan, what army are you feeding this weekend?
00:47:23The whole crowd.
00:47:25Including Alice, if she'd, uh, break down and socialize a little.
00:47:28Well, she, uh, she gets a lot of studying done on the new sitter's job, but maybe she's been too conscientious.
00:47:34We'll try to persuade her.
00:47:35All work and no play.
00:47:37Why don't you give up, Alice?
00:47:39Get off your high horse.
00:47:41Are your, uh, horse high?
00:47:42Oh, bye.
00:47:48It was really nice seeing you again.
00:47:49Oh, goodbye.
00:47:49Bye.
00:47:50I'm going to lose my mind.
00:47:52Mom and Dad tell me to be a good judge of character.
00:47:56Sometimes I wonder how they made it to the age that they are.
00:48:00It's like I've been part of some giant spy ring that won't let go of me.
00:48:06Don't they realize that the more they put me on the spot, the harder it is for me not to talk to my parents or someone?
00:48:16Alice!
00:48:17How are you, Alice?
00:48:20Oh, what are you doing, babysitting?
00:48:22Hey, Jan, you're all well.
00:48:24So, uh, Mrs. Larson called me when you didn't show up and asked me to come over.
00:48:27I just sent the baby down, so keep it down.
00:48:29Well, I'm going to get her off.
00:48:30That's my job.
00:48:31It's not your job anymore, so stay away from the baby.
00:48:33Look, and she's laughing when I'm bouncing around.
00:48:36She doesn't want to sleep.
00:48:41A little music!
00:48:43Oh, shut up!
00:48:47You want me to call your family?
00:48:49You're trying it, you feats, and get out!
00:48:51Oh, you get out!
00:48:52Look, I'm taking over!
00:48:53This is my jersey!
00:48:54My jersey!
00:48:55My jersey!
00:48:56This is my...
00:48:57My...
00:48:58My piano!
00:49:01My stereo!
00:49:02My pillow!
00:49:03Mieker, please come here, Jan.
00:49:05She's crazy.
00:49:06What are you doing?
00:49:07Come here!
00:49:08Leave me!
00:49:09Leave me!
00:49:10No!
00:49:11Leave me!
00:49:12Leave me!
00:49:24I think you handled it absolutely right.
00:49:26Exactly.
00:49:27What else could you have done?
00:49:28Would you like some more coffee?
00:49:29Oh, thank you.
00:49:30A lot worse from Jan Mieker's point of view.
00:49:32Could have gone over her mother's head to the authorities.
00:49:34And we still can if she stirs anything up.
00:49:36Promise me that if I told you, you wouldn't...
00:49:38Promise still stands.
00:49:39Let's try and be realistic about this.
00:49:41I can't get you an overnight transfer just because a couple of anti-social kids want to drive you out of school.
00:49:47I think it makes more sense to stand up to Jan Mieker.
00:49:51Whatever mistakes your friends think you've made, I can't believe that they'll sign with her on this one.
00:49:57Any sane person would understand that you were responsible for that baby.
00:50:01Kids like that don't understand anything.
00:50:04I'm damn glad my kids aren't like that.
00:50:07Are you kidding, Daddy?
00:50:09I was worse.
00:50:10I mean, don't you know what it was all about?
00:50:15I don't want to know.
00:50:17Well, Dad means that, um, that it's forgotten.
00:50:20Yeah, I know what Dad means.
00:50:22But the point is, you're a different person now.
00:50:25You're strong and adult and we're with you.
00:50:28And when that crowd finally realizes that you really mean business, you'll get their respect, too.
00:50:38Um, thanks for walking me to school.
00:50:41Um, listen, I could walk you home if you want.
00:50:47Anytime.
00:50:48You think?
00:51:02Hey, watch out there.
00:51:03You don't want to push Miss Vick down the stairs.
00:51:05What would you do if they put a roach down your father's car, Vick?
00:51:11All right.
00:51:35Hey, Alan.
00:51:36What's the matter?
00:51:37Can't you take it?
00:51:39This is, uh,
00:51:40It's like a little something to calm your nerves.
00:51:43It should make you feel really fine.
00:51:45Oh, you know your little brother, your little baby brother?
00:51:49I think before you quit school, you better tell your baby brother
00:51:52not to take any candy from people he doesn't know.
00:51:54You go near him or anyone even tries, I'll kill you.
00:51:56I mean it, Jen, I'll kill you.
00:52:10Hey, have you seen my dad?
00:52:20Uh, no. As a matter of fact, I was just looking around for myself.
00:52:23I think he may have gone home for the day.
00:52:26If I bump into him, is there a message you'd like to leave or something?
00:52:29No, uh, I won't bother with it.
00:52:37Wait a second.
00:52:40It's funny how I've divided the whole world into freaks and straights for so long.
00:52:47I forgot there were other kinds of people around.
00:52:51I went through a similar thing a couple of years ago
00:52:55with my parents, you know, but I didn't feel like I had to
00:53:00to relate to them everything about it, you know?
00:53:03I mean, there are other ways you can talk to your parents.
00:53:06There are other things you can talk to them.
00:53:07They don't have to know everything about you.
00:53:09Did you have somebody you could talk to?
00:53:11No, my friends.
00:53:12I guess that's the trouble.
00:53:16I mean, I can't talk to the kids who use dope because they're afraid of me,
00:53:22that I'll turn them in, that I know too much.
00:53:23I can't talk to the kids who've never used dope because they're scared of me because I've used dope.
00:53:29And the whole point is that I'm scared.
00:53:32I came to Daddy's office this morning because what happened today in school is going to keep on happening.
00:53:38And they won't stop.
00:53:39They'll do something to Tim.
00:53:40They'll put dope in Daddy's car.
00:53:42They're angry.
00:53:44They're angry at me because I turned them in.
00:53:47I mean, I'm worse than their parents now.
00:53:50I stand for everything that they hate, the reasons they take dope.
00:53:54They're copping out from what's real.
00:53:56Well, what do you want to do?
00:54:04I guess I just need someone else to talk to.
00:54:06I'll buy that.
00:54:18Thanks.
00:54:19So, are you going to be working all the weekend?
00:54:21Yeah, I'm babysitting for the Larson's all weekend.
00:54:24A little extra cash always comes in handy.
00:54:26I'm going to be working until Saturday, 9 o'clock.
00:54:32Listen, do you think it'll be okay if I stop by?
00:54:34Saturday?
00:54:35Yeah.
00:54:37What for?
00:54:40Watch TV, talk.
00:54:44Alice, what I'm trying to do is ask you for a date.
00:54:55I guess what's strangest about Joel is that he really does the things that Richie pretended to do.
00:55:01He works hard and likes it, supports himself, cares about people.
00:55:06He works hard and likes it.
00:55:07There's no other side of those.
00:55:08There's no other side of the thing.
00:55:09It's OK.
00:55:10It's OK.
00:55:11There's a lot of people.
00:55:12So, you know, all you need to drop in the air, just to get your done.
00:55:14You don't want to drop in the air.
00:55:15Oh, I do.
00:55:16You don't want to drop in the air.
00:55:17Oh, my God.
00:56:47Well, Professor, medical recommendations in this case depend on the patient's verbal response.
00:56:53The more direct and significant your contact with her, the better for all of us.
00:56:59Well, just us today.
00:57:20That means you're better, honey.
00:57:25You're well enough to tell us how you are.
00:57:29If you want to just nod until you're ready, it's okay for opening.
00:57:34You know, like we've been trying with the doctor.
00:57:43Give us a nod.
00:57:46Come on.
00:57:48You can see us in here.
00:57:52Show us you know who we are.
00:57:53And that we love you.
00:57:59Do you know that we love you, darling?
00:58:02How can she answer that?
00:58:03That's the right kind of question.
00:58:04Can you remember things now?
00:58:19Try to remember what happened that night.
00:58:20There's a special reason that we need to have you answer now.
00:58:27It's legal, really, as well as medical.
00:58:32Dad will explain it to you.
00:58:34Well, it's more or less a formality.
00:58:45There's going to be a hearing of sorts.
00:58:50And the only complication is that you're...
00:58:57Well, two of the girls at school, they...
00:59:00Well, they say that you've been selling this LSD that you took to all of them all along.
00:59:11We don't believe it.
00:59:13Alice, we're going to swear to our belief in you against every last one of them.
00:59:16We're going to...
00:59:17We're going to swear to the change in you since you've been home and your work and your attitude and everything.
00:59:23And how that...
00:59:25That whole school crowd upset you.
00:59:28And they kept after you.
00:59:32If we had a clue as to where you got the stuff you took at the Larson's...
00:59:40No.
00:59:41No.
00:59:44She's trying to tell us.
00:59:45She wants to.
00:59:49I can't.
00:59:51I can't.
00:59:54Don't touch.
00:59:55She's...
00:59:56Oh.
00:59:58Oh.
00:59:59They're crawling again.
01:00:00It's...
01:00:01They're going to keep me.
01:00:02They're crawling.
01:00:03They're crawling.
01:00:04Get the doctor.
01:00:05I'm going to keep me.
01:00:06I'm crawling.
01:00:07No.
01:00:08No, it's all right.
01:00:08It's all right.
01:00:09Doctor.
01:00:10No, it's all right.
01:00:11Please.
01:00:11Please.
01:00:12Crawl.
01:00:14I'm sorry.
01:00:16We're back to now.
01:00:17For today.
01:00:18Please, stop it.
01:00:19Please.
01:00:21Please, they're crawling again.
01:00:22Please, stop it.
01:00:23Please.
01:00:24Good morning, Alice.
01:00:36One of your friends told your family you might like to take back to the clinic with you.
01:00:41Locked, though.
01:00:43Only for your own use.
01:00:44Just for your own.
01:00:45If it's true that you still keep the diary.
01:00:55What, friend?
01:00:58I'm not sure.
01:00:59Let me see if I have a note here.
01:01:01Any idea who it might be?
01:01:04Boy?
01:01:05Girl?
01:01:06Someone older.
01:01:07Someone at school?
01:01:14No, friend, sir.
01:01:21Miss Beth Brom.
01:01:28I didn't do it.
01:01:31It was in the drink.
01:01:32Please tell the kids.
01:01:35I didn't do it.
01:01:36Please tell them that.
01:01:38Please.
01:01:39Alice, look at me.
01:01:41And try to make me understand so I can tell Beth.
01:01:45Yeah.
01:01:46I just went to the refrigerator and I opened the door and there was a bottle of drink there and I took it out.
01:01:54It was half empty and I took the drink and I took the formula and I went into the living room and I sat down and then I started to give the formula to the baby.
01:02:06The baby's all right.
01:02:09Nothing happened to the baby.
01:02:12She was asleep in the crib.
01:02:15You left the baby in the crib and locked yourself into the closet.
01:02:21To stay away from her.
01:02:24You did not harm the baby.
01:02:27You harmed yourself.
01:02:32God.
01:02:34You.
01:02:49It's a long trip.
01:02:51A long trip and a half.
01:02:52I thought that I was buried without a coffin.
01:03:01And I tried to scratch my way out.
01:03:05Yes.
01:03:06A kick and claw.
01:03:13I guess I even tried to use my head against the door.
01:03:16Yes, your skull was fractured.
01:03:20Some door, huh?
01:03:22But only a door.
01:03:26No coffin.
01:03:32And even alive.
01:03:36No one died, Alice.
01:03:37I guess I'm really back.
01:03:50I guess I'm really back.
01:03:54Oh.
01:03:55Well, live and learn diary.
01:04:01This youth center is probably the first sensible thing that's happened to me since I started drugs.
01:04:06Like, I come from a small town and I hadn't heard about drugs at all, you know, or I hadn't been around it that much.
01:04:16And then, you know, my parents started with this, you know, every time I'd come home, they'd start checking me out, you know, checking my eyes and everything.
01:04:24And, uh, they were the first ones that ever, you know, really, I, you know, knew about drugs, but they really made me aware of drugs, you know, like the pills and the grass.
01:04:37It seems crazy now that I'm straight.
01:04:39Yeah, but that's how it all started, you know, like, uh, a couple of my buddies, we heard about gluing, and then we all got blasted, like it was so green, like I thought the first little lift was some kind of a high.
01:05:00I really dug it.
01:05:02Still do.
01:05:04Big sniffing glue?
01:05:07No, that first little lift.
01:05:09He just told you.
01:05:11He digs being straight.
01:05:12I know what he just told me.
01:05:15But he's getting high just talking about getting high, and you're getting high off of his high, and I'm getting high off of your high, and it's one big contact high.
01:05:24We think we're having this great rap session, and really we're no better than any wino who sniffs a fart.
01:05:31Just doesn't go anywhere.
01:05:32Look, Ellen, don't get mad.
01:05:43Look, I can get us a mixed bag, you know, just for the two of us.
01:05:47No, I really don't want to.
01:05:58For the first time in my dumb life, I think I meant that.
01:06:03I know I'll always be one pill away from being an addict, Kent, but if I can just keep turning down that same pill, I'll be okay.
01:06:14Goodbye.
01:06:23Goodbye.
01:06:25Most hopeless of places where I finally learned to hope, learned to take apart nightmares and put together a life.
01:06:34Even learned to forget about people who forget about me, like Joel.
01:06:41But it doesn't matter.
01:06:44Nothing matters now except going home.
01:06:46No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:07:16It's not bad if I say something like that.
01:07:19Oh, yeah, it looks pretty.
01:07:20Where are the candles?
01:07:21Uh-uh, no candles.
01:07:22I said there could be a party without candles, without cakes, and no singing.
01:07:26And I cook all the food.
01:07:28That's not bad, as long as you don't do your cooking the way Beth does.
01:07:32Listening to foreign language records simultaneously, one of these days she's going to make lasagna topped with chocolate mousse.
01:07:39You'll be the first one to try it, Bud.
01:07:41At the center of the food was so bad we used to have to have contests to jazz it up, you know, like peanut butter and whipped cream on salami.
01:07:48Oh, you ever try turnips and yogurts?
01:07:51Oh, cute.
01:07:52Come on, Beth.
01:07:53Save us some popping.
01:07:54Oh, what are your plans about school and everything, Alice?
01:08:10I don't know.
01:08:11I guess the same as my plans about life.
01:08:12Just take it as it comes.
01:08:16You know, I was going to say it was different now because of us.
01:08:19But what it really boils down to is that you really did it yourself.
01:08:26I guess there's something about living through the worst that can happen, that once it's really over.
01:08:33Oh, I hope it's over.
01:08:35I don't think I could live through that again.
01:08:40Once is enough for anybody.
01:08:43But you really did it, Alice.
01:08:46Yeah, with the help of my friends, huh?
01:08:49Alice, there's somebody here to see you.
01:09:06Happy birthday.
01:09:07It was really good.
01:09:27You know, I, uh...
01:09:36I really feel crummy about the last couple of months.
01:09:41I'm not riding you or anything.
01:09:43I didn't have any right to expect that you would.
01:09:46Just that...
01:09:49Well, when it comes right down to it, I...
01:09:51I guess I was afraid.
01:09:54I mean, I knew you had a lot of things going on inside you and a lot of problems, you know.
01:10:03And so do I.
01:10:04I guess everybody does.
01:10:06It's just that...
01:10:07I just didn't know if I...
01:10:12was willing to take on the responsibility for somebody else.
01:10:15I don't feel that way anymore.
01:10:27And I don't blame you if you're sore at me.
01:10:30I'm...
01:10:31I mean, if...
01:10:33It's no way to start a relationship if you really care about somebody.
01:10:37I do care about you.
01:10:43I guess the problem is, is that I...
01:10:46I don't know how to start a relationship.
01:10:48I, uh...
01:10:49I don't talk very well except in my diary and...
01:10:53I've done a lot of things with a lot of men, but I was always...
01:10:57really stoned.
01:10:58I guess I don't know if I can have a relationship with someone and be just me.
01:11:14Well, there's only one way to find out.
01:11:16I guess Joel is about the best birthday present any 17-year-old girl named Alice could ask for.
01:11:34But as nice as he is,
01:11:37I hope I don't lean on him the way I did with drugs.
01:11:42It scares me when I...
01:11:43when I still find myself thinking about a high.
01:11:46But it's a fear I've got to live with.
01:11:51Oh well, tomorrow's a new day.
01:11:54And finally back to school.
01:11:57I think I've come to a decision.
01:12:00Yeah?
01:12:00You look like you've come to some sort of decision.
01:12:03It's about my diary.
01:12:04Yeah?
01:12:05Uh, I just finished this second one and I really don't have time for it anymore and...
01:12:10and besides, I don't think I need it.
01:12:14Could be.
01:12:16Nugentл Cor如än Marcos.
01:12:18It's about a long history.
01:12:20Correct?
01:12:21It's about a dream.
01:12:21It's about a dream.
01:12:23Yeah?
01:12:24Good.
01:12:24Quite good.
01:12:25May the delivery from the 1918 project.
01:12:28It's alright.
01:12:30Yes.
01:12:32Right?
01:12:33Good.
01:12:34щit.
01:12:35Yeah?
01:12:36That's all.
01:12:37Good.
01:12:38Great.
01:12:39Yeah.
01:12:39Very Bar isn't about the order.
01:12:41In the fall of her last year in high school, our daughter died of an overdose of drugs.
01:13:00We were never able to find out what the drugs were or whether or not they were self-administered.
01:13:05Since she had stopped keeping a diary several months before, we had no clues as to why she died.
01:13:12We have discovered since then that she was one of almost 5,000 drug deaths that year.
01:13:18And so we decided to make her diary public because we feel she would have wanted us to.
01:13:23Yes, I think she'd know when the logic and proportion have fallen.
01:13:37So I look ahead, remember, you're my friend.
01:13:46You're my friend.
01:13:51You're my friend.
01:13:56You're my friend.
01:14:05You're my friend.
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