00:00I am not my body, I am not my spirit, I am the being.
00:30This is it Ben, remember, you are the only one who makes these decisions, it is not me, it is not the bridge, it is you, it is your Ben.
01:00This is Ben, remember, you are the only one who makes these decisions, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me.
01:30This is Ben, remember, you are the only one who makes these decisions, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me.
02:00This is Ben, remember, you are the only one who makes these decisions, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me, it is not me.
02:29Dr. Sokol, this is Ben Rubin. Dr. Martin gave me your number. He said that you're an expert on phobias. You might be able to help me with this. This, uh, germaphobia. I can't drag this any longer. I have to cross that bridge.
02:50We will see, Mr. Rubin. We will see. You know, my grandfather, he was a soldier like you. Not a pilot, though. He died, uh, he was a Polish artillery officer and he died in Berlin 9th of May 1945.
03:20The last day of the war. And, uh, I could remember him only by this photo.
03:29You said that this started with your wife. How did you meet her?
03:33I met Anja on the bridge.
03:50I was waiting for the bus to go to a party at a friend's place downtown.
03:57Four, three, four, three . . . .
03:59We exchanged several looks.
04:29We exchanged several times.
04:59She walked in front of me.
05:14She must have thought I was following her.
05:29Turns out we were going to the same party.
05:59From the beginning, our conversation was so fluent, like I've known her all my days.
06:28There wasn't any single moment of that awkward silence.
06:40She had an accent if she was a Serbian.
06:48She told me that she was originally from Belgrade.
06:52And as she moved here with her parents and her brother when she was seven.
06:58My brother went back there with wife and kids.
07:00She said with that big smile on her face.
07:04From that instant on, every moment in my life was about her.
07:16It took us only a few months to move in together.
07:20After a year, we were married.
07:22She was three months pregnant.
07:32Then everything started to fall apart.
07:48I suppose destiny or something interfered like never before in my life.
08:06It was the Balkans doctor.
08:10The Balkans.
08:12The situation became extremely intense.
08:15It was only a matter of time before it all exploded.
08:18The bombing of Serbia was imminent.
08:22My squadron in Italy called me.
08:32Yeah, but what was her reaction?
08:34She begged me.
08:36She begged me not to go.
08:38She said I'd be dropping bombs on her brother and her family and her relatives.
08:44She begged me not to go.
08:46For the love of our baby.
08:50I told her that I'm doing my job.
08:52It was my duty.
08:54There's nothing I can do about it.
09:14I told her that I love her.
09:22Our baby.
09:24I always will.
09:26And nothing will ever change that.
09:32So I went to the war.
09:44I don't know.
11:53Missions took place mostly at night time.
11:58I felt better.
11:59I felt better knowing that no one would see me and that I wouldn't be punished for what
12:10we were doing.
12:10We flew at high altitudes, undetected by their radars.
12:22We started to knock off the bridges one by one.
12:34I felt better.
12:35I felt better.
13:51During the first raid, my weapons officer failed to take out the bridge in the first run.
14:02And as we were turning around to make another hit, something terrible happened.
14:11I saw a train approaching it.
14:12I asked my weapons officer and myself, I said, we couldn't do this.
14:19I couldn't do it.
14:26The command came again.
14:28Go for it.
14:31Go for it.
14:32Before I could do anything, before I could turn the plane up, the weapons officer took
14:40the bridge out.
14:43It happened to be a civilian train after all.
14:48Killing 50 people.
14:5050 people.
14:53Civilians.
14:54No.
14:55Civilians.
14:58Is there all?
15:13Oh.
15:15Oh, oh, oh, oh.
15:45Oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:15Oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:45Oh, oh, oh, oh.
16:55That's not the end.
16:57We were heading back to base and we were hit by anti-aircraft missiles.
17:03We were catapulted ourselves out of the cockpit and that's when I saw the flash.
17:15A little boy, maybe two or three years old, coming down the escalator.
17:27A little boy was running towards me.
17:41I was just about to lift him up.
17:53I was just about to lift him up.
18:07Next thing I remember, I'm in a military hospital.
18:23What happened then?
18:25Well, they never sent me back into action.
18:29Three or four weeks of hospitalization.
18:33I went back home.
18:37When I was home, I couldn't bear to watch a film, a magazine, the TV, anything about a bridge.
18:47Nothing.
18:49Nothing.
18:51When I would see something, I'd start to sweat.
18:59I'd shake.
19:01Loss of breath.
19:05I was losing control.
19:11I feel like I've lost control.
19:15I was losing control.
19:17So you quit the army?
19:19Yeah.
19:20Oh yeah.
19:21And you came back home to Anya?
19:23I couldn't find her.
19:25I couldn't find her anywhere.
19:29I asked neighbors.
19:33Friends.
19:35I asked your parents.
19:37They chased me away.
19:39Dr. Sokol, I was going crazy.
19:49I was going crazy.
19:53I decided to go to Belgrade.
19:57I found neither Anya nor anything.
20:01But I saw something else.
20:07My stomach turned upside down.
20:29I don't know how I endeared the view.
20:37Your stomach was one of those ones.
20:43The heart was just growing.
20:47I was willing to fight him off of my dream.
20:51I was Wank to candid like a sad beat outside me.
20:54But I really flew away from the secret show.
20:57I was willing to wait.
20:59I enjoyed this show.
21:34That's all. That's all there is. My life is ruined. I can't cross a bridge. And worst of all, my Anya. I can't find her. Just my love.
22:04I made a terrible mistake, Doctor. I should never have gone into that war. I should never have gone into that war.
22:19I should have listened to her.
22:26Doctor Sokol, I need your help.
22:34There is so many ways to help you back. But it will take some time. And meantime we have to do with other issues. You know? And I suggest that we do first hypnosis. And we will do visualization. And then we can actually cross the bridge.
23:04You have to do anything. You just have to relax and everything will work by itself. With instructions and the right information. You know? I will guide you through that. No problem there.
23:19I want you to visualize. To see in your mind. You crossing the bridge. You know? You've been always forcing yourself to see the limitation of crossing the bridge. Not being able to cross the bridge.
23:35Now. I am going to help you to introduce new vision. To your. To your. You know? To your mind. Then. You know? You have to visualize. Stepping on bridge. Smelling bridge. Testing bridge. Seeing clouds passing by. And walking. And the breeze. Breeze coming and gently touching you. And welcoming you on the bridge. There is no fear. There is excitement. There is new beginning.
24:03There is new beginning. So. Yes. Physical exercise. You know? Because you have been denying your help for a long time to yourself. So. And then we are going to cross the bridge.
24:33I am not my mind. This is it. Remember. You are the only one who makes these decisions. It's not me. It's not the bridge. It's you. It's you Ben. You are the only one who can do it Ben. The bridge is here.
25:00It's one step. It's up to you. It's up to you. And I know that you can do it Ben. I am sure about it.
25:15I am not my mind.
25:29This is what you have said. It's up to you. turnover.
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