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  • 6 days ago
In this video, I talk about why empathy and emotional intelligence do not require unlimited tolerance. Using Karl Popper’s concept of the paradox of tolerance, I explore how being endlessly “understanding” can turn you into a container for other people’s harmful behaviour, both socially and in personal relationships. This is about boundaries, not cruelty, and about protecting identity rather than erasing it in the name of maturity.

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00:00Just because you are able to empathize and understand does not mean that you have to
00:04tolerate their behavior. Let me say that again. Just because you are able to empathize and
00:10understand does not mean that you have to tolerate their behavior. When you are a person
00:17with high self-awareness and emotional intelligence, people expect you to bend over backwards for
00:22someone else's horrible behavior. They expect you to always take the higher road. They expect
00:27you to be mature, to be understanding. And ultimately what happens is you become this
00:32emotional landfill for other people's dysfunction. Let me introduce you to a concept called as the
00:38tolerance paradox by Karl Popper. The idea is a political theory and it's essentially the argument
00:44that if we are unlimitedly tolerant towards anything intolerant in our society, it will lead to the
00:50disappearance of tolerance, which means that the intolerance will destroy the tolerance in itself.
00:56So in order to protect any tolerant society, we have to be intolerant towards intolerance.
01:03What this means is if we are actively seeking out an inclusive society, it automatically means that
01:10we cannot include racist people, violent or anybody who is advocating against a group of community or
01:18the survival of some other humans within that society. So we have to be intolerant towards certain
01:25people and only then we can have a tolerant society. This is a political theory with a lot of ideas and
01:32competence to it. And I will talk about it later on a much grander scale. But today I want to show you
01:37how this could influence your relationships. If you tolerate everything from your partner, the name
01:43calling, the boundary crossing, the dismissal, this is not going to stay there. It is going to escalate to
01:50a point where one day it is going to break you. And the reason why they are able to do this to you is
01:56because you have convinced yourself and them that you have this person with unlimited amount of kindness
02:03and tolerance. So please don't let people brainwash you into thinking that your kindness and tolerance
02:10should be unlimited. The very survival of your identity and your existence is dependent on the fact that
02:18your tolerance and kindness is limited.
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