- 2 days ago
The Movie Full Movie Free Online
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00:00:00Delivery!
00:00:07Delivery!
00:00:16What's that?
00:00:19I just deliver them.
00:00:21I didn't order anything that big.
00:00:24Does it say who it's from?
00:00:26No return address.
00:00:28Isn't that odd?
00:00:31What is?
00:00:32A package this big with no return address.
00:00:35Well, I don't know what size has to do with it,
00:00:37but it's not unprecedented.
00:00:39Uh, well, what if I don't sign for it?
00:00:41I don't understand.
00:00:43I mean, what if I don't sign, you know, your clipboard thingy?
00:00:46Well, then I can't release the package to you.
00:00:49Release?
00:00:51Industry jargon means give.
00:00:53I can't give you the package if you don't sign for it.
00:00:56Ah, okay.
00:00:59So, do you want it or not?
00:01:01I don't know what it is.
00:01:02But that's the fun of it.
00:01:04It's a surprise.
00:01:05You like surprises, don't you?
00:01:13Great.
00:01:14Where's it headed?
00:01:15Oh, I'll bring it in myself.
00:01:17Oh, I don't know.
00:01:18It's pretty heavy, hence the dolly.
00:01:24What company did you say you were with again?
00:01:26JB Solutions.
00:01:27And what is that?
00:01:29It's a delivery service.
00:01:30White glove.
00:01:34Um, okay.
00:01:35Uh, I guess, you know, you could just put it right here.
00:01:39You want it right there?
00:01:40Do you have a problem with that?
00:01:41No, no, it's just I got wheels.
00:01:44I can put it anywhere.
00:01:46Here is fine.
00:01:50There's great.
00:01:57Careful!
00:01:58I wouldn't worry about that.
00:01:59I can help you put it together for you, too, if you want.
00:02:02If it even needs assembly and comes with the right tools.
00:02:04I'm not a great builder, but I'm a good builder.
00:02:07I'm a solid builder.
00:02:08And you're my last drop of the night,
00:02:10so there's nowhere else I need to be.
00:02:12Well, who's to say I can't put it together myself?
00:02:15I've made it this long.
00:02:16I must be doing something right.
00:02:17Oh, I didn't mean, hey, women's rights.
00:02:21My mom was a woman.
00:02:22I just meant, if you want help, I'm happy to help.
00:02:27Isn't it a little late to be doing deliveries?
00:02:29Oh, we deliver till 8.
00:02:31It's 8.45.
00:02:34We deliver till 9.
00:02:41Well, thanks.
00:02:44Thanks a bunch.
00:02:45Anytime.
00:02:54Oh, my God!
00:02:56I just realized who you are!
00:02:58Did you?
00:03:00I knew you looked familiar.
00:03:02Is really you?
00:03:04I used to love you.
00:03:05You used to be the best.
00:03:07Thanks, I think.
00:03:08That sounded bad, like you're no longer great,
00:03:10but you're still good.
00:03:12Sure, just perfectly fine.
00:03:15Seriously, though, what happened to you?
00:03:18You used to be everywhere, and then just one day,
00:03:21it was one day.
00:03:22You look old.
00:03:24Excuse me?
00:03:25What kind of shit is that to say to somebody?
00:03:27No, no.
00:03:28I just meant it's probably why I didn't recognize you at first,
00:03:30is all, you know?
00:03:31Oh, my God.
00:03:32Wait did the guys hear about this.
00:03:33You think I can get an autograph?
00:03:35I think I gave you one of those already.
00:03:37My clipboard.
00:03:39Clever girl.
00:03:40I'm gonna have to frame that.
00:03:42How about a selfie, then?
00:03:43Uh...
00:03:44I left my selfie stick in a truck, so we'll just have to squeeze.
00:03:47Wait, did a guy see this?
00:03:50What did you say your name was again?
00:03:53Walter.
00:03:55Walter is my name.
00:03:57And you are Janet Gillespie.
00:03:59That's me.
00:04:00I am shaking the head of Janet Gillespie.
00:04:02Oh, my God!
00:04:03Well, Walter, my boyfriend, is gonna be here any minute now,
00:04:06so this is where I have to say goodbye.
00:04:08Now, hang on, now, hang on.
00:04:10I mean, I didn't even get a chance to, like,
00:04:11how often do I get a chance to...
00:04:13A chance to what?
00:04:15A chance to pitch you my screenplay.
00:04:17Screenplay?
00:04:18Yeah!
00:04:19You'd be great for it.
00:04:20Actually, you'd be kind of perfect.
00:04:22Would I?
00:04:23Hey, you never know.
00:04:25Could be your big comeback.
00:04:27My big comeback.
00:04:28Hey, you never know.
00:04:29You know, I don't only drive a truck.
00:04:31I'm a man of many talents.
00:04:33I write, I act, I direct, I do a voiceover.
00:04:36So what do you say?
00:04:38You wanna hear my pitch?
00:04:39Sure, but, you know, scripts usually come through my agent,
00:04:42so you can just...
00:04:43Great! Well, basically, it's about this...
00:04:44No, sorry, no, I said...
00:04:45I said scripts usually come through my agent,
00:04:48so you're more than welcome to submit that.
00:04:50No.
00:04:52You said sure.
00:04:54I don't understand.
00:04:55It's like you're saying one thing,
00:04:56but you're meaning another.
00:04:57Didn't you say your boyfriend was on his way home?
00:05:00Where is he, you know?
00:05:02I don't see him.
00:05:03Hey, uh...
00:05:05You know what I think?
00:05:08I think you said that just to get me out of here.
00:05:10But no, no, no.
00:05:11No, you're right.
00:05:12You're right.
00:05:13It's unprofessional.
00:05:14I'll send it to your agent,
00:05:15so he can throw it in the trash.
00:05:17Or better yet, save the postage.
00:05:18You got a shredder?
00:05:19Hey, Janet, your agent's a douche-banger, alright?
00:05:21He doesn't give a shit about you, Janet.
00:05:23He doesn't care about you, Janet.
00:05:25I'm offering you something real here, Janet.
00:05:27Like, man to woman, Janet.
00:05:29Why won't you hear me out, Janet?
00:05:31Janet!
00:05:32Why won't you hear me out?!
00:05:33Roger, calm down, calm down.
00:05:35I wanna hear you out.
00:05:37Okay?
00:05:38I wanna hear you out.
00:05:44Beg me.
00:05:47You gotta be kidding me.
00:05:49Beg me.
00:05:53Okay.
00:05:56Please, Walter, please pitch me your pitch.
00:05:59I wanna hear your pitch.
00:06:00Please pitch me your pitch.
00:06:02Fine.
00:06:04It's about this creepy delivery guy
00:06:06who tortures this washed-up actress in her own hole.
00:06:16I'm just kidding, Janet!
00:06:18Oh, my God, relax.
00:06:19I'm just kidding.
00:06:21God!
00:06:23It's actually really sweet.
00:06:24It's a love story about this lady who falls for her plumber
00:06:27while he's over fixing her leaky refrigerator.
00:06:31Just read the first page and you'll see,
00:06:33cause it's that obvious.
00:06:34I swear, you're gonna win awards.
00:06:35Go ahead.
00:06:36You'll see.
00:06:37Go ahead.
00:06:39Oh, my God.
00:06:40This whole thing's an act.
00:06:42What whole thing?
00:06:43Your whole thing.
00:06:45You knew who I was this entire time.
00:06:47How do you figure?
00:06:49You just happen to have that script with you?
00:06:51Well, I mean, it's L.A.
00:06:53You never know whose package you might deliver.
00:06:55Right.
00:06:56Okay.
00:06:57Okay.
00:06:58Okay.
00:06:59Um...
00:07:03Well...
00:07:05Why don't you leave it with me,
00:07:07and I'll look over it this weekend?
00:07:09Mmm...
00:07:10I don't think so.
00:07:12Why not?
00:07:13Cause then this weekend's gonna come,
00:07:14and, of course, something's gonna come up,
00:07:16and, of course, your weekdays are slammed,
00:07:17and you're hosting that bridal shower next weekend.
00:07:19How do you...
00:07:20Next thing you know, six months later,
00:07:22my script's still sitting right where you left it.
00:07:25I wanna be there when you read it.
00:07:27I wanna see you react.
00:07:29No, um, Walter, that's not how it works.
00:07:32I'm sorry, but it's not.
00:07:34Look, you can leave it behind,
00:07:36and I will email you my notes.
00:07:38I don't want your notes.
00:07:40Every turd burglar in this town has a note.
00:07:42You think I give a shit about a single one of them?
00:07:44I don't think you understand what's happening here, Janet.
00:07:47This script is magic.
00:07:51I am a fucking magician.
00:07:53I'm gonna make your career reappear.
00:07:57Feedback.
00:07:58Not notes.
00:07:59I'll email you my feedback.
00:08:00Uh-uh.
00:08:04Okay.
00:08:05Well, then, Walter,
00:08:06I'm afraid you're gonna have to take your script and leave.
00:08:09This is the opportunity of a lifetime, Janet,
00:08:11and I'm not gonna let you pass it up.
00:08:13Just come on.
00:08:14Please.
00:08:15Just come on.
00:08:16Read the first page.
00:08:17You'll see.
00:08:18It's obvious.
00:08:19I swear you'll love it.
00:08:20Just read the first page, and you will see.
00:08:22I'm gonna change the game with this one.
00:08:24We're gonna.
00:08:27If I read the first page for you,
00:08:30will you get out of here?
00:08:32Sure.
00:08:46That's it?
00:09:03I did what I said I would do.
00:09:05Well, were you reading or paying attention,
00:09:07or were you just moving your eyeballs up and down?
00:09:09I paid attention.
00:09:12It's just not up to your standards, then?
00:09:15Why don't you read it again?
00:09:17Allowed.
00:09:18No, Walter.
00:09:19I did what I said I was gonna do.
00:09:20Now you fulfill your end of the bargain.
00:09:22Yeah.
00:09:23I don't think so.
00:09:27I'm sorry?
00:09:28I'm not leaving to you agree to be in my movie, Janet.
00:09:31I'm not gonna say it again, Walter.
00:09:34Now, kindly, get the fuck out of my house!
00:09:38Now!
00:09:39Yeah, I think I'll stay a little longer.
00:09:44But you said you would leave after I read the first page.
00:09:49No.
00:09:50I said sure.
00:09:52You know what sure means, right, Janet?
00:09:56Whoa!
00:09:57What are you doing?
00:09:58What are you doing?
00:09:59You can't do that.
00:10:00That's mine.
00:10:01You didn't think this was actually for you, did you, Janet?
00:10:04It's just my way to get inside your door.
00:10:06It's all an act, remember?
00:10:08I'm no delivery boy.
00:10:10I had this hat made at the mall.
00:10:12What the hell's a JB solution anyway?
00:10:15It's just so random.
00:10:17What's in that box?
00:10:19Oh, just some things.
00:10:20Just some gear and props and things.
00:10:23For what?
00:10:24For shooting it.
00:10:26Shooting what?
00:10:27Shooting our movie, silly.
00:10:29We're shooting it tonight, right here in your house.
00:10:32You see how convenient that is?
00:10:34We come to you.
00:10:35Hope you got good lighting.
00:10:37You play the girl, I'll play the guy.
00:10:40I already memorized my line, so I hope you're a quick study.
00:10:43Oh, my God.
00:10:45You're serious?
00:10:48Well, yeah.
00:10:49I'm not leaving until this movie's in the can, Janet.
00:11:04What are you doing?
00:11:05No!
00:11:06You did this to yourself, Janet!
00:11:07Ow!
00:11:08Ow!
00:11:09Ow!
00:11:10You're hurting me!
00:11:11Where's the closet?
00:11:12What?
00:11:13What?
00:11:14A closet, you know, hangers, rods, jackets.
00:11:16Ah!
00:11:17In the hallway over there, in the hallway!
00:11:20Help!
00:11:21I did this amazing opportunity, Janet, and that's the thanks that I get.
00:11:24You push me over when I'm not looking?
00:11:26No, no, no, no.
00:11:27Better off not putting up a fight, you know?
00:11:29Help!
00:11:30Oh!
00:11:31Not like anyone else is casting you in anything.
00:11:33No!
00:11:34No!
00:11:35Help!
00:11:36That's what you get!
00:11:37Why are you doing this to me?
00:11:38Why aren't you cooperating with me, Janet?
00:11:39You're a sick freak.
00:11:40This is never gonna work.
00:11:41Not with that attitude, it won't.
00:11:42You don't have to do this to me.
00:11:43Please.
00:11:44Why?
00:11:45Why are you doing this?
00:11:46Help!
00:11:47I suggest you read that script.
00:11:48You don't have to do this to me.
00:11:49Please.
00:11:50Why?
00:11:51Why are you doing this?
00:11:52Help!
00:11:53I suggest you read that script.
00:11:55Oh!
00:11:56Oh!
00:11:57Oh!
00:11:58Oh!
00:11:59Oh!
00:12:00Oh!
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00:12:41Oh!
00:12:42Oh!
00:12:43Oh!
00:12:44Oh!
00:12:45Oh!
00:12:46I grew up, took from afar, to destroy your life
00:12:53But at a glance, at this glance, it seems to be clear as well
00:13:02So maybe it's you, maybe it's you, maybe it's you, maybe it's you, maybe it's you
00:13:11Out of land, all the way to the moor
00:13:19Peace offering, kale, almond butter, almond milk, banana and flaxseed
00:13:26Just the way you like it, so says Us Weekly, issue 929, December 3rd, 2012
00:13:30Hope they got it right
00:13:33Go ahead
00:13:34See?
00:13:41So I'm not such a bad guy, so is you reading my script?
00:13:45I tried, but my hands are cuffed
00:13:49Oh yeah, how's she supposed to turn the page with her hands taped behind her back, Walter?
00:13:55Stupid, stupid, stupid!
00:13:59Keep drinking
00:14:00One more
00:14:09Mama needs her energy, it's gonna be a long night
00:14:15Good
00:14:23Up's a daisy now
00:14:27You change?
00:14:34Into my costume, yeah
00:14:36What do you think?
00:14:37Instant Gustav, right?
00:14:38Who?
00:14:39Gustav, my character
00:14:43You'd know that if you read the script, Janet
00:14:45You'd know that if you read the script, Janet
00:14:48Well, I found your phone, by the way
00:14:50You want it?
00:14:52Yes
00:14:53Yes
00:14:54No
00:15:04So, I'll stick it when we start with the audition
00:15:09The what?
00:15:11The audition
00:15:12I just need to know that you can do this, Janet
00:15:14I mean, you're kinda out of practice
00:15:16When's the last movie you were in?
00:15:17That doesn't matter, I was nominated for an Oscar
00:15:20But it's part of my whole deal, Janet
00:15:22If you don't like it, go be a dental hygienist with that attitude over there
00:15:25Do I need to throw you back in the closet for a little longer?
00:15:28That's Shudder Up
00:15:29That's Shudder Up
00:15:30I'm your knight in shining armor, Janet
00:15:32I'm trying to save you
00:15:34But I can't save you if you're not save-able
00:15:37You know what I mean?
00:15:39Not really
00:15:42So you stand there
00:15:46And I'll sit here on this couch here
00:15:48Ha!
00:15:50It's a casting couch
00:15:52Ha, ha!
00:15:54Ooh, yeah
00:16:11All right
00:16:12So, for this audition I was thinking that you'd do your big monologue for Mother May I
00:16:16Uh, the movie from when I was 10?
00:16:19Yeah, you remember it, don't you?
00:16:21I think so
00:16:23Great
00:16:24When you're ready
00:16:26I-I need to be uncuffed for that speech
00:16:30Oh, and why's that?
00:16:32Uh, to do it right
00:16:34I need to use my arms, you know, to act properly
00:16:38Nice try, Janet
00:16:39But it's just some words
00:16:41Just say the words, you don't need your arms
00:16:43The girl in the movie didn't use her arms
00:16:45She was just standing in the doorway
00:16:47Well, actually, she was pretty animated, so
00:16:50Fine
00:16:53I'll do it like this
00:16:55I'll do it like this
00:16:57State your name and age before you begin
00:17:01Janet Gillespie, 38 years old
00:17:0442 years old
00:17:08I'm 44, all right?
00:17:18All right, all right
00:17:19When you're ready
00:17:28Mommy, cut!
00:17:29What was that?
00:17:30What?
00:17:31That
00:17:32You're doing it like you would today
00:17:33Like your 44 year old self would do it with your 77 year old mom
00:17:36How did you?
00:17:37I want you to do it like you did it when you did it
00:17:40Not like, mommy, but like, mommy!
00:17:46You want me to do baby voice?
00:17:49Now she's getting it
00:17:51When you're ready
00:17:53Mommy?
00:17:55That's it
00:17:56I can't sweep
00:17:57The monster's back and he's kicking my bed
00:18:12Can I sweep with you tonight, mommy?
00:18:14I'll be good, please
00:18:16Mommy, I'm scared
00:18:17I know you said no more sweep-overs
00:18:19But it's
00:18:20This isn't like before
00:18:21He's taunting me, mommy
00:18:23He's chanting
00:18:24Tonight
00:18:25Tonight
00:18:26Tonight
00:18:27Tonight
00:18:28Tonight
00:18:29Tonight
00:18:30Tonight
00:18:31Tonight
00:18:33Over and over and over
00:18:38Please don't let him hurt me like you do, mommy
00:18:49Bravo, madam
00:18:52Bravo
00:18:53That was exquisite
00:18:55I mean, you flubbed a few lines here and there, but who's counting?
00:18:59Me
00:19:01But still, quite good
00:19:04Did I get the part?
00:19:05We'll let you know
00:19:12Janet Rose Gillespie
00:19:13Will you play Claudia Saint Germain d'Agostino Schwartz in my film Water Under the Fridge?
00:19:20Do I have a choice?
00:19:22No
00:19:23Then I guess so
00:19:25Great
00:19:26Well, let's get you in wardrobe and shoot the fucker, eh?
00:19:38This is the dress from Mother May I?
00:19:41Oh
00:19:42Huh?
00:19:43I guess it kinda is
00:19:44I'll leave you with that
00:19:46You're shooting this POV?
00:19:47Do what now?
00:19:48Point of view
00:19:49From the character's perspective?
00:19:50Oh
00:19:51POV
00:19:52I thought you said POB
00:19:53I was like, pfff
00:19:54Never heard that film term before
00:19:55It's amateur
00:19:56As a matter of fact, I am
00:19:57That way I won't incriminate myself on camera
00:19:59It's genius, right?
00:20:00I thought it through, Janet
00:20:01Have you ever made a movie before?
00:20:02I resent that
00:20:03What do you think of some novice?
00:20:04Doesn't know what he's doing?
00:20:05I was just wondering if I had seen your work
00:20:06Well that depends
00:20:07You ever watch hidden camera videos from the women's restroom?
00:20:10Can't say that I have
00:20:11Well, then you probably haven't seen my work
00:20:12When you're ready?
00:20:13Ready
00:20:14Ready
00:20:15Yes
00:20:16Yes
00:20:17Yes
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00:21:00Yes
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00:21:04Yes
00:21:05Yes
00:21:06Yes
00:21:07Yes
00:21:08Yes
00:21:09Yes
00:21:10Action!
00:21:14Ma'am?
00:21:15Yes.
00:21:16Hi.
00:21:17Hello.
00:21:19How is you?
00:21:20I'm good. How are you?
00:21:22I am well. And you?
00:21:24I am fine.
00:21:26Me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:21:28It's me, Gustav.
00:21:31I am the plumber that is fixing a leak in your refrigerator
00:21:34here in your house in the United States of America.
00:21:40Oh, yes. Hi, Gustav. I thought I recognized you.
00:21:44I'm Claudia Sangeme d'Agostino Schwartz.
00:21:47We met at the door a little over one hour ago
00:21:49when I let you in to fix the leak in my refrigerator.
00:21:52You are correct about the timeline.
00:21:55I, too, remember this. I, too, remember these things.
00:22:01So, how about the weather?
00:22:04Beautiful, isn't it?
00:22:06And your children?
00:22:07Dead.
00:22:09Hey.
00:22:10Would you like some spaghetti and meatballs?
00:22:13Hold...
00:22:15And...
00:22:17Cut!
00:22:19Yes!
00:22:21I can't believe this is actually happening.
00:22:24So, how did that feel for you?
00:22:26It felt okay.
00:22:27Yeah?
00:22:28Well, I thought you totally brought it, Janet.
00:22:31That's a compliment.
00:22:35Thanks.
00:22:36Uh-huh.
00:22:37All right, let's keep it going.
00:22:39Rememorized scene, too, huh?
00:22:41We'll shoot it in order.
00:22:43I just gotta go grab some shit.
00:22:45Hey, I'm just curious.
00:22:47When does Claudia get out of this thing?
00:22:52Spoiler alert!
00:22:54No, no.
00:22:55I won't give it away.
00:22:57It's just...
00:22:58It's kind of uncomfortable.
00:23:02Is it?
00:23:05Could you at least uncuff my wrists?
00:23:06I'll keep them behind me.
00:23:07It's just...
00:23:08It's really, really tight.
00:23:11Yeah, I don't think so, Janet.
00:23:13It's only compelling if it's real.
00:23:15No, it has to be real.
00:23:16That's my whole deal.
00:23:17You see?
00:23:18See the pain you're bringing to this moment?
00:23:21That should be in my film.
00:23:24But no one will know the difference.
00:23:26I'll know.
00:23:27This is a real film we're making here, okay, Janet?
00:23:30This isn't some, uh, some after-school special.
00:23:44Rolling.
00:23:45Scene two.
00:23:47And...
00:23:48Action.
00:23:51Can I get you something to drink?
00:23:53It depends.
00:23:54What do you have?
00:23:56Wine, liquor, orange juice, water.
00:23:59I take a beer.
00:24:00Thanks.
00:24:04You know what?
00:24:06I grab it meself.
00:24:07To new best friends.
00:24:08To new best friends.
00:24:20To new best friends.
00:24:22Juan четыres.
00:24:25To Aroch.
00:24:27To new best friends just to keep vakits.
00:24:31Well, of course from May 7th string,
00:24:33I'm standing there for a few minutes,
00:24:34Find out to the
00:24:46Hey, you aren't Latvian, are you?
00:24:49Hell no!
00:24:50Oh, good. I hate Latvians.
00:24:53Did you always want to be a plumber?
00:24:55Ever since I can remember.
00:24:57It's typical. I know every little boy's dream.
00:25:00What about you?
00:25:01What is it that you do, and did you always want to do it?
00:25:05I'm a nurse at the local hospital.
00:25:08You know, the one on the street with the floors and the rooms
00:25:12and the sick people? Same.
00:25:15Wait for it.
00:25:19And cut!
00:25:24What?
00:25:26Nothing.
00:25:28You sure about that, Janet?
00:25:30Yeah.
00:25:32If you say so.
00:25:34All right, now in scene three,
00:25:36Claudia starts falling for Gustav.
00:25:38But just for a brief moment, like,
00:25:40could he be the one?
00:25:42It's just a look, and I need you to nail it.
00:25:46On my go. You got it?
00:25:49Yeah.
00:25:52Rolling!
00:25:53Scene three.
00:25:55And... action!
00:25:58So, do you come here often?
00:26:01Can I say that I am?
00:26:03Well, then I'll have to show you around.
00:26:05I used to do tours at the... at the college.
00:26:09At the university.
00:26:10Those were the days.
00:26:12Did you go to college?
00:26:13I visited.
00:26:14My friend Phil went.
00:26:16Maybe you know him.
00:26:17I know Phil very well.
00:26:19Great guy.
00:26:20The best.
00:26:21Funny story about Bill.
00:26:23Both his parents died when he was young,
00:26:26and he ended up in an orphanage
00:26:28where he was abused like every single day.
00:26:31He was separated from his brother,
00:26:34who was buried alive!
00:26:36And he's alive!
00:26:40All of his aunts and uncles are in prison for life!
00:26:43Without the rule!
00:26:46And his grandmother was born with an upside-down face!
00:26:56Classic Phil.
00:27:00Look.
00:27:01Do the look.
00:27:21Say.
00:27:23Do you have AIDS?
00:27:25Not that I know of.
00:27:26Too bad!
00:27:28Well, maybe just one aid.
00:27:29But definitely no more than that.
00:27:32Shouldn't it be called hinders, though?
00:27:34Hinders?
00:27:35Yeah.
00:27:36Think about it.
00:27:37They don't aid you.
00:27:39They hinder you.
00:27:40They impede you.
00:27:42Hinders!
00:27:44I never thought about it like that.
00:27:46I'm gonna start saying that.
00:27:47You should?
00:27:48I think I will.
00:27:49When?
00:27:50I don't know.
00:27:51How about now?
00:27:52You mean right now?
00:27:53I'm right now!
00:27:54Screw it.
00:27:55You know what?
00:27:56You're right.
00:27:57Here goes nothing.
00:27:58Hinders.
00:27:59Feels good, doesn't it?
00:28:01It sure is.
00:28:04And how is the spaghetti tasting for you?
00:28:07Good!
00:28:09But I'm allergic to spaghetti.
00:28:11So I might have to poop later.
00:28:13Pretty bad.
00:28:18By the way, do you have any money I can borrow?
00:28:22You mean besides what I owe you for the plumbing?
00:28:24Yes!
00:28:26How much do you need?
00:28:27Actually, you know what?
00:28:29You can have it all.
00:28:30You don't have to pay me back or anything.
00:28:31What's mine is yours.
00:28:33Have at it.
00:28:36Keep standing there.
00:28:38And...
00:28:40Cut!
00:28:42You take good direction.
00:28:43Nice job on that look.
00:28:45Look!
00:28:48Now what?
00:28:50Nothing, Walter.
00:28:51No, Janet.
00:28:52It's the third time you're being all like that between scenes.
00:28:54So just spit it out.
00:28:56You clearly have something on your mind.
00:28:58So just get it off your mind.
00:28:59Or your chest.
00:29:00Or whatever.
00:29:02You know what I mean.
00:29:03Shut up!
00:29:04God!
00:29:05Fine, Walter.
00:29:06I'm sorry, but this movie is ridiculous.
00:29:10In what way?
00:29:12In every way.
00:29:14Why is Claudia attached to this dolly?
00:29:18Why would Claudia invite Gustav for dinner?
00:29:20How did Claudia make dinner in the first place?
00:29:23Why would Claudia offer Gustav all her money?
00:29:27How did Claudia answer the door like this?
00:29:30Literally everything you've written makes no sense at all.
00:29:40You can't answer any of my questions, can you?
00:29:43Yes, I can.
00:29:45I just don't feel like it right now.
00:29:48What were they again?
00:29:50Why does Claudia fall for this guy?
00:29:52Because it's a love story.
00:29:53And that's what happens in love stories.
00:29:54Love.
00:29:55I know.
00:29:56But what is it about Gustav
00:29:58that Claudia finds so attractive?
00:30:00I don't know.
00:30:02You wrote it.
00:30:03So?
00:30:04So you should know why the characters do what they do.
00:30:08Why is she attached to the dolly?
00:30:11She likes it.
00:30:13Look, we don't have time for this.
00:30:15Just say the lines that I wrote.
00:30:17We're not making this up as we go along.
00:30:19Now, where do you keep your dough?
00:30:21My dough?
00:30:23Your dough. Your dough.
00:30:24The dough you keep in your house.
00:30:26I don't keep any dough in my house.
00:30:27Come again?
00:30:29We are talking about money, right?
00:30:31Yeah, Janet.
00:30:32Dough.
00:30:33Moolah.
00:30:34Cheddar.
00:30:35I don't keep any money in my house.
00:30:37Paragraph three, page 166 of your autobiography.
00:30:40Quote.
00:30:42I always keep a pile of cash lying around my house, just in case.
00:30:47Or was that your ghostwriter writing?
00:30:49By the way, it's a pretty dumb thing to stick in your book.
00:30:52I was a lot richer then.
00:30:53Ugh.
00:30:55Old habits die hard.
00:30:57And it looks like you're doing just fine to me, Janet.
00:31:00Just fine to me.
00:31:06What are you gonna do with that?
00:31:10Please, Walter.
00:31:12Please.
00:31:13That's my safety money and I'm already tapping into it.
00:31:14But, Janet.
00:31:16How am I supposed to pay for all this?
00:31:17Making movies is very expensive.
00:31:19I'll tell you what.
00:31:21I'll give you points on the back end.
00:31:22This thing's gonna be the sleeper hit of the summer, Janet.
00:31:25Depending which season it comes out.
00:31:27Fall.
00:31:29Winter.
00:31:33Spring.
00:31:34You don't know the seasons.
00:31:35Do you?
00:31:39Look!
00:31:41There's a bloody matter!
00:31:45All right.
00:31:47It's in the crock pot.
00:31:50In the cabinet next to the refrigerator.
00:31:52What is?
00:31:54My money.
00:31:57You keep your money in the crock pot?
00:31:59That's correct.
00:32:00I keep my money in the crock pot.
00:32:01Now, any more questions?
00:32:02But why?
00:32:04Same reason you're asking.
00:32:05Because nobody thinks to look there.
00:32:07I guess not.
00:32:09Hiding in plain sight.
00:32:12You're an evil genius.
00:32:14We're so alike right now.
00:32:18I'm gonna go get that.
00:32:20Claudia keeps hers in the couch.
00:32:22Whoa!
00:32:28Holy shit!
00:32:30How much money is this?
00:32:33Like 30 grand.
00:32:3530 grand?
00:32:37I'm rich, yeah!
00:32:38Rich, yeah!
00:32:39Ha ha ha ha!
00:32:40Ha ha ha!
00:32:41Ha ha ha!
00:32:42Ha ha ha!
00:32:43Ha ha ha!
00:32:45Ha ha ha!
00:32:51And...
00:32:53Action!
00:32:55So, earlier you offered me the monies.
00:32:58Yes, I recall that as well.
00:33:00I should hope so.
00:33:01So, memory is a pretty important thing to remember these days.
00:33:06Can you show me where it is?
00:33:08Absolutely.
00:33:10I also have some jewelry if you want that too.
00:33:13Sure!
00:33:14I take some jewelry.
00:33:16And how about that tour along the way?
00:33:19I drive, you navigate!
00:33:20Uh...
00:33:30So...
00:33:32I thought we would start in the kitchen since that is where we are currently at.
00:33:38Damn it!
00:33:39You can wear your shoes for a treat.
00:33:40I don't know!
00:33:41I don't know where he is.
00:33:43Yes!
00:33:45Oh, you're a little bit a little bit.
00:33:47Oh, my God.
00:33:49Oh, my God.
00:33:50Oh, my God!
00:33:52Oh, my God.
00:33:53Say that again.
00:34:12So I thought we would start in the kitchen
00:34:15since that is currently where we are at.
00:34:17The kitchen is typically where I cook my food
00:34:20and do my dishes.
00:34:21Sometimes I eat at that thing over there.
00:34:25It's called a table.
00:34:26It's not unlike that other thing
00:34:27we ate at in the dining room.
00:34:29Huh.
00:34:30Those are windows.
00:34:32Are you familiar with windows?
00:34:34Not entirely.
00:34:35Well, they're called windows
00:34:37and they're made out of glass.
00:34:38So you can see through them when they're shut.
00:34:40Or you can open them up for some fresh H2O.
00:34:43Mmm.
00:34:44I love H2O.
00:34:47You can't breathe without it.
00:34:48No, you cannot.
00:34:49Oh, wait, wait till you see this light switch.
00:34:56Mmm, interesting.
00:34:57What does it do?
00:34:59It controls the lights.
00:35:00You can flip it up or down to turn them on or off.
00:35:03Can you flip it in the middle?
00:35:04Sometimes.
00:35:05Mmm.
00:35:08Now wait.
00:35:09Hang on.
00:35:10Back up.
00:35:11You're saying they figured out a way
00:35:12to manufacture light
00:35:14so that we can, like, control it?
00:35:16Aren't inventions neat?
00:35:19They're called light bulbs
00:35:20and you can find them at the hardware stores.
00:35:23Can you remind me of that later?
00:35:25That's something I should have for my house.
00:35:27It's been getting dark in there at night lately.
00:35:29I can get you a pen
00:35:31if you'd like to write it down.
00:35:32I never learned how.
00:35:34So.
00:35:35What's next?
00:35:37I like your house, by the way.
00:35:39This is the dining room, as you know.
00:35:44Living room.
00:35:48Guest bedroom.
00:35:51Bathroom.
00:35:54Master bedroom,
00:35:56which is where I sleep
00:35:57and make babies from time to time.
00:36:00And finally, the den,
00:36:01which is where you'll find my money.
00:36:08And...
00:36:10Cut!
00:36:13You didn't react.
00:36:15What do you mean?
00:36:16I mean,
00:36:17Gustav just found 30 grand
00:36:19and pocketed it like it was nothing.
00:36:21So?
00:36:22So that's not how you'd react
00:36:23if you just found 30 grand.
00:36:25You don't know that.
00:36:26You literally just found 30 grand
00:36:29and nearly lost your shit.
00:36:30You can't use that against me.
00:36:32Why not?
00:36:33Because I'm not playing myself.
00:36:35I'm playing Gustav.
00:36:37That's how Gustav reacts.
00:36:39He's low-key like that.
00:36:40I'm sorry, no.
00:36:42And it's just sitting there on the couch?
00:36:45Like, what?
00:36:46She just leaves 30 grand on the couch.
00:36:49Who's directing this movie, Janet?
00:36:50Me or you?
00:36:52No, I'm asking you a question.
00:36:53Who's directing this movie, Janet?
00:36:56Me or...
00:36:56You are...
00:36:58Ding, ding, ding!
00:37:00Now, how about that jewelry?
00:37:03What jewelry?
00:37:04Your jewelry.
00:37:05You're not touching my jewelry.
00:37:07Maybe not right now, but...
00:37:08Why are you doing this to me?
00:37:12Some of that jewelry belonged to my grandmother.
00:37:14Because it's only compelling if it's real.
00:37:20Now, I'm going to give you three seconds
00:37:22to tell me where you keep it.
00:37:24One.
00:37:28Two.
00:37:31Two point three.
00:37:34Two point six five.
00:37:37Two point nine seven three five six five five nine.
00:37:46It's back in my bedroom on top of my dresser.
00:37:50That's where Claudia keeps hers.
00:37:52Two point nine seven.
00:37:57And action.
00:38:01My jewelry's back in my bedroom, if you want that, too.
00:38:06If you insist.
00:38:07I do.
00:38:09I was going to throw it away anyway.
00:38:11So you're saving me a trip to the dumpster.
00:38:14I aim to please.
00:38:16Hmm.
00:38:16Hmm.
00:38:22There it is, on the dresser.
00:38:32You sure you don't want to keep a few of these diamonds?
00:38:35Nah.
00:38:36Good riddance is what I say.
00:38:38I say that, too, sometimes.
00:38:41Fine by me.
00:38:43And cut.
00:38:45I think this has gone far enough.
00:38:49Do you, Janet?
00:38:50Sorry, Janet, but we're not making a short, Janet.
00:38:53Would you please stop saying my name?
00:38:56What, Janet?
00:38:57Stop saying my name.
00:38:59But, Janet!
00:39:00What did I just say?
00:39:03Janet, please.
00:39:04What is wrong with you, man?
00:39:05I am trying to tell you something.
00:39:07Janet, come on.
00:39:08How are you not getting this guy, huh?
00:39:10All right, look.
00:39:11I see that you're upset about something,
00:39:13so I'm just going to give you a few minutes to pull yourself together.
00:39:21Janet.
00:39:21You piece of shit!
00:39:24Get me back my stuff!
00:39:25Let me out of this thing!
00:39:28What is fucking wrong with you?
00:39:30Oh!
00:39:30Oh!
00:39:30Oh!
00:39:34And, action!
00:39:37Whoa!
00:39:39Whoa!
00:39:41Whoa!
00:39:44Whoa!
00:39:46Whoa!
00:39:47Ha ha ha ha!
00:39:48I have something you can put that in.
00:39:50That would be helpful.
00:39:52Yes.
00:39:53And would you like to know what it is?
00:39:55Can I guess what it is?
00:39:57I'm very good at guessing.
00:39:59I don't see why.
00:40:00Great!
00:40:01Is it, uh, a reusable grocery bag?
00:40:05Nope.
00:40:06Is it, uh, one of those sticks with a handkerchief at the end?
00:40:11No.
00:40:12Is it, uh, a reusable grocery bag?
00:40:17Nope.
00:40:18It's, uh...
00:40:20Say the line.
00:40:23You sure about that?
00:40:38I probably don't need anything that big.
00:40:41Sure, I'm sure.
00:40:43I want you to have it.
00:40:45You need it worse than me.
00:40:48You don't know that?
00:40:49I do very well.
00:40:50Either way, the keys are by the door.
00:40:57And...
00:40:58Cut!
00:41:06Don't think I don't know what you're doing here!
00:41:09With your little movie!
00:41:15What am I doing with it?
00:41:18Using it as an excuse.
00:41:21To steal my shit.
00:41:24Oh, it's not me.
00:41:25It's Gustav.
00:41:27Well, let me ask you this.
00:41:30Who's keeping everything after the shoot?
00:41:33I told you.
00:41:35Movies are very expensive.
00:41:37You're shooting it on your forehead, dude.
00:41:40Admit it.
00:41:41You're making this movie to justify your kleptomania.
00:41:44I can see what you're doing a mile away.
00:41:47Are you a psychiatrist or something?
00:41:49No.
00:41:50But I've seen one long enough.
00:41:51And you're not the first scumbag director I've worked for.
00:41:54The worst, but not the first.
00:41:57Now that one hurts.
00:41:58You've never even seen my work.
00:42:00I've seen enough.
00:42:06Ugh.
00:42:08What?
00:42:11I feel tingly.
00:42:15Oh, my God.
00:42:17I feel like I'm on...
00:42:20Hey...
00:42:24Kill her.
00:42:30I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:33I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:34I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:35I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:36I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:37I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:38I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:39I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:40I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:41I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:42I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:43I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:44I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:45I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:46I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:47I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:48I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:49I feel like I'm on the other side.
00:42:50Would that be such a bad thing?
00:43:06That would be a very bad thing.
00:43:09But you love Oxycontin.
00:43:12Who said anything?
00:43:17You.
00:43:18You did this to me.
00:43:21Guilty as charged.
00:43:23Why?
00:43:26How?
00:43:28In your smoothie.
00:43:30Whoops.
00:43:31Forgot to mention that ingredient.
00:43:33I can never remember recipes.
00:43:35People are always asking me about my burger,
00:43:36and I'm just like,
00:43:37I know there's a spatula involved.
00:43:40You said you prefer acting fucked up.
00:43:42You said you're better on it.
00:43:44When did I say that?
00:43:46June 28th, 2009.
00:43:48Access Hollywood, Inside Scoop.
00:43:50How do you know all these dates and pages?
00:43:55I keep a stalker's wall at my house.
00:43:57Well, walls.
00:43:58My entire place is basically one big you, collage.
00:44:02You said you were on Painkillers,
00:44:03and you did Angel School 3.
00:44:05That movie kicked ass.
00:44:06That movie sucked.
00:44:08I've been clean for three years.
00:44:13Do you know how hard that was for me?
00:44:16But you said you do your best work on it.
00:44:18You said so yourself.
00:44:20I was probably high when I said that.
00:44:23If anything, it hinders my performance.
00:44:28Hinders!
00:44:29See?
00:44:30This movie's so quotable!
00:44:33Why did you do this to me?
00:44:36I thought you would like it.
00:44:37I thought it would give you that extra push.
00:44:39You took my money.
00:44:43You took my jewelry.
00:44:45You took my car.
00:44:47You took my sobriety.
00:44:51What more do you want from me?
00:44:55Just a few more things.
00:44:57Not that much more.
00:44:59Just a couple more things.
00:45:00How much did you give me?
00:45:04What dosage?
00:45:06The whole bottle.
00:45:09The whole bottle?
00:45:11Yeah, but you only took like three cents.
00:45:15That's gonna kill me!
00:45:17The whole bottle's gonna fucking kill me!
00:45:20Oh, Janet.
00:45:22That's not what's gonna kill you.
00:45:29Action!
00:45:30I'll get that in the morning.
00:45:50Action!
00:45:57I was gonna reupholster that anyway.
00:46:00Action!
00:46:08Those things are so stupid.
00:46:11Cut!
00:46:12Cut!
00:46:13Cut!
00:46:13Those are my cat's ashes.
00:46:20Why would you do that?
00:46:21See, but that's just it.
00:46:22I didn't do it.
00:46:24Gustav did it.
00:46:25He can be a klutz, but he means well.
00:46:27But why would that be a scene in your movie?
00:46:30He's just going around destroying things.
00:46:34He likes her.
00:46:35So he destroys her things?
00:46:36So he destroys her things?
00:46:39Yeah.
00:46:40He's animal like that.
00:46:41So is she.
00:46:42They're a match made in heaven.
00:46:44I'm sorry, Walter.
00:46:49But I'm going to have to put my foot down.
00:46:55This is bullshit.
00:46:57And I will no longer comply.
00:47:05Won't you?
00:47:06Please don't.
00:47:29I'll be good.
00:47:29What are you doing?
00:47:32Forget I said anything.
00:47:34What's that, Janet?
00:47:35Can't hear you.
00:47:40There's something you don't know about me, Janet.
00:47:43I do not fuck around.
00:47:49I should shoot this.
00:47:51Rolling.
00:47:52I'll take scene one.
00:47:54Action!
00:47:55Let's see if your fans still adore you with nine toes, Janet.
00:48:17Better yet, let's see if they still think you're pretty with one ear.
00:48:21Or no noses.
00:48:23Can't hear you, Janet.
00:48:24You're mumbling.
00:48:24Didn't you take voice and speech?
00:48:26Someone hasn't been practicing their tongue twisters.
00:48:29Oh, come on.
00:48:31It's only a toe.
00:48:33Actresses.
00:48:34Can you imagine if I hadn't dosed you?
00:48:36You'd really be hurting.
00:48:39So what do you say?
00:48:40You're going to stop annoying the shit out of me between scenes?
00:48:44Yeah?
00:48:45You're going to be a good little actress and stay in your lane?
00:48:49Good.
00:48:50You just need a little motivation, that's all.
00:48:53What's my motivation?
00:48:55Not getting all my body parts ripped off?
00:48:58Let's get you all patched up.
00:49:00You know, when I was a kid, my parents used to ship me off to sleep away camp each summer.
00:49:25For everyone else, that's the dream.
00:49:29For me, it was a living hell.
00:49:33Every summer, it was the same story.
00:49:36I got bullied day in and day out.
00:49:38Yeah, I got bullied in school.
00:49:43But Jake.
00:49:45Jake.
00:49:47He took it to the next level.
00:49:49He was relentless.
00:49:51He abused me whenever he got the chance.
00:49:54Mentally and physically.
00:49:55Didn't matter where we were or who was watching.
00:50:00He'd cut me down and beat me up.
00:50:03One night, I woke up to get an elbowed in the mouth.
00:50:07Would you believe that?
00:50:09He elbowed me in my sleep.
00:50:12Had to get a dozen stitches on the inside of my lip for that one.
00:50:15But nothing happened to Jake.
00:50:17Nothing ever happened to Jake.
00:50:19They just kept sticking me back in his bunk every year so he could try to outdo himself.
00:50:26Anyway.
00:50:30I know how you feel as well.
00:50:38I'm sorry.
00:50:40You had to go through that, Walter.
00:50:42Me too.
00:50:45I know how shit like that can traumatize a person for life.
00:50:50Now I see why you're doing this to me.
00:50:53Because other people did it to you.
00:50:56You really think so?
00:50:58I know so.
00:51:00This is all Jake's fault.
00:51:03Exactly.
00:51:04I'm damaged goods, so I damage goods.
00:51:09Thank you for bandaging me up, Walter.
00:51:13I always fix you up, Janet.
00:51:15You know that, right?
00:51:17Yeah.
00:51:19Huh?
00:51:20I do, Walter.
00:51:23Good.
00:51:24You can only push a man so far before he breaks.
00:51:28I know.
00:51:30I'm sorry for making you rip my toe off.
00:51:33I know.
00:51:34It's like, what were you thinking?
00:51:36I wasn't.
00:51:37And I'm sorry I've been so critical of your movie.
00:51:43It's really quite charming.
00:51:45And besides, I have been at plenty of things I thought would never work out and they killed.
00:51:50So you never know.
00:51:51You know, I haven't even read the whole script.
00:51:54I shouldn't judge a book by its cover.
00:51:57That's what I'm saying.
00:52:01You know, now that I think of it, I know a producer who loves this sort of renegade type filmmaking.
00:52:08You know, run and gun, whatever it takes to get the shot type deal.
00:52:14I could connect you with them if you want.
00:52:17You'd do that for me?
00:52:20Absolutely.
00:52:20So, what do you say?
00:52:26We get a fresh start and we finish your movie without a hitch?
00:52:33I'd like that.
00:52:36I would too.
00:52:39Rolling.
00:52:41Scene 10.
00:52:42And action.
00:52:44Cut.
00:52:58Can you look somewhere else?
00:52:59Totally.
00:53:01Scene 10, take two.
00:53:03Action.
00:53:04I think I'm constipated.
00:53:32I think I'm constipated.
00:53:34This is probably a stupid question, but are you trying to actually poop on camera?
00:53:42Damn it, Janet.
00:53:43It's only compelling if it's real.
00:53:46You're right.
00:53:46You're right.
00:53:47And I agree.
00:53:48I totally agree.
00:53:50Maybe it's because I'm here.
00:53:53You could put me out in the hallway.
00:53:56No.
00:53:57She'd be in the bathroom with him.
00:53:59Right.
00:54:01Of course she would.
00:54:02Of course.
00:54:03Right.
00:54:04Scene 10, take three.
00:54:10Action.
00:54:24God fucking damn it!
00:54:27Try singing the National Anthem.
00:54:34What?
00:54:35You're putting too much pressure on yourself.
00:54:39Try clearing your mind.
00:54:41The National Anthem usually works because the tune meanders and the lyrics are meaningless.
00:54:46You can cut around it later.
00:54:47Oh, say can you see by the part of the night, what so proudly we know, and the twilight's last gleaming?
00:55:10And the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, and the rocket's red glare, the bombs bursting in air, and through through the night, what a flag was still there.
00:55:36Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave?
00:55:46O'er the land of the free and the whole way up?
00:56:16O'er the land of the free and the whole way up?
00:56:35Boom.
00:56:40Cut.
00:56:57You just got yourself a special thanks credit, little lady.
00:57:05Are you familiar with wheelchair dance?
00:57:21I'm afraid I'm not.
00:57:23That's where a bunch of cripples rent out a ballroom, dance around in their little wheelchairs.
00:57:28How lovely.
00:57:29I only ask because that's what we're doing in the next scene.
00:57:32Well, dolly dance.
00:57:34No big deal, but I choreographed a little something.
00:57:38Fun.
00:57:44Rolling.
00:57:46Scene 11.
00:57:47Try and keep up.
00:57:49And action.
00:57:51Five, six, five, six, seven, eight.
00:58:04Whee!
00:58:23Ah!
00:58:25Ah!
00:58:53Ah!
00:59:13Cut!
00:59:16You're a great dancer.
00:59:17You're not so bad yourself.
00:59:19I better be. I take it twice a week.
00:59:21I've never taken it.
00:59:23I guess some people just have it.
00:59:25I guess so.
00:59:26That seems right, right?
00:59:28He shits, then they dance.
00:59:30I was gonna put the dance first, but then I thought,
00:59:32nothing makes me want to dance more than after I bomb Swirl Harbor.
00:59:35Think about it!
00:59:37I'm never as light on my feet as I am after I launch a sea pickle.
00:59:41Honestly, it...
00:59:43it makes perfect sense to me.
00:59:46Then again, nothing makes me want to release the hostages more
00:59:50than after I dance.
00:59:52Cause it jiggles them loose.
00:59:53Classic which came first.
00:59:55Luckily, you don't have to decide now.
00:59:58If it doesn't feel right, you can switch them in post.
01:00:00Good point.
01:00:01Look at you, Janet.
01:00:03I'm digging the new vibes.
01:00:05Might as well have a good time with it.
01:00:07I couldn't agree more.
01:00:09Well, I probably could, but I won't.
01:00:11What scene are we on?
01:00:13Scene 12?
01:00:14Yes.
01:00:15Ah, yes.
01:00:16Scene 12.
01:00:17The grind.
01:00:19The what?
01:00:20Oh, just a little something I'm gonna cut into the dance number.
01:00:23Just give me that look again.
01:00:25You know the one I mean.
01:00:26The one where you gotta have me with all your heart and soul.
01:00:29Roger that, good buddy.
01:00:31Okay.
01:00:32And action.
01:01:01Do the look!
01:01:02Now, now, now.
01:01:24No, no.
01:01:28And do the look, now, now, now.
01:01:36And cut.
01:01:39Ready for the big kiss?
01:01:42Oh, yeah.
01:01:46And action.
01:01:53Want to, like, do something?
01:01:58What do you have in mind?
01:02:02Kiss?
01:02:03Wait a minute.
01:02:05Are you asking me to kiss you right now?
01:02:09How could you tell?
01:02:11It's just a hunch.
01:02:13Wow.
01:02:14You're, like, real smart.
01:02:17So, what do you say?
01:02:21I think I can help you with that.
01:02:28And cut.
01:02:35You licked my nose.
01:02:37That's Gustav for you.
01:02:38He's ravenous.
01:02:40Could you wipe it off, please?
01:02:42I thought we'd go again, actually.
01:02:44Again?
01:02:45Yeah, licking your nose like that didn't feel right.
01:02:49I agree.
01:02:53From You're So Smart?
01:02:57Scene 13.
01:03:00Pick up.
01:03:01And action.
01:03:05Wow.
01:03:07You're, like, real smart.
01:03:11So, what do you say?
01:03:14I think I can help you out with that.
01:03:40And cut.
01:03:41Jesus fucking Christ, Walter.
01:03:44What is fucking wrong with you?
01:03:47There she is.
01:03:49I'm sorry I tried being your good little actress,
01:03:52but that was fucking foul.
01:03:54I mean, I have had to kiss some pretty repulsive orifices
01:03:58in my day, but that one takes the cake.
01:04:01I'm sorry you had to go through that as a kid,
01:04:04but that does not excuse your actions here.
01:04:07God damn it!
01:04:08I'm Janet Gillespie!
01:04:10People do not fuck with me.
01:04:15Go through what?
01:04:18What?
01:04:19You said, I'm sorry you had to go through that,
01:04:22but whatever, whatever, blah, blah, whatever.
01:04:25Your thing with Jake!
01:04:28Could you wipe me off, please?
01:04:30In a minute.
01:04:31Just hang on.
01:04:33How could I have a thing with Jake
01:04:35if I'm Jake?
01:04:38Was I unclear about which character I played in that story?
01:04:43I am Jake.
01:04:46I'm the bully in that equation.
01:04:52You're Jake?
01:04:53That's...
01:04:54Yeah.
01:04:55I elbowed that kid right in his fucking mouth.
01:04:57Oh, my God, you're so fucking crazy.
01:05:05Then who is Walter?
01:05:07Nobody at all.
01:05:08Just some name I came up with for the delivery guy.
01:05:11But Jake.
01:05:14Jake is somebody.
01:05:16Please let me go, Walter, Jake, whatever your name is.
01:05:22Hang in there, Janet.
01:05:23Just a few more scenes,
01:05:24and you won't have to worry about me ever again.
01:05:27Please.
01:05:29Please.
01:05:29Please let me go.
01:05:32Aw, you're so cute when you cry.
01:05:35But your face smells rancid.
01:05:38What do you say we get you all cleaned up?
01:05:40And we're off!
01:05:52So that's what you look like without all that makeup on.
01:05:57You always wonder what these starlets look like in real life.
01:06:00The answer?
01:06:01Not hot.
01:06:02This your makeup kit?
01:06:05Yes.
01:06:05Good.
01:06:06It's gonna touch you up for continuity.
01:06:36Ready for the big reveal?
01:06:49Yeah.
01:06:54Eh?
01:06:56Uh-huh.
01:06:58Very nice.
01:07:01Boop.
01:07:03I'm gonna go set the next scene.
01:07:06Sorry for the wait.
01:07:11Lighting's a bitch.
01:07:12My fog machine ran out of fluid.
01:07:16Now if I undo you, you're not gonna run, right?
01:07:19Right, Janet?
01:07:20Oh.
01:07:21What are you gonna do to me?
01:07:23Ah-ha-ha!
01:07:24Ah-ha-oh!
01:07:26Ah!
01:07:27Ah!
01:07:28Ah!
01:07:29Ah!
01:07:30Ah!
01:07:31Ah!
01:07:32Ah!
01:07:33Ah!
01:07:34Ah!
01:07:35Ah!
01:07:36Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
01:08:06Oh, no, no, no, no.
01:08:36Thank God.
01:08:45Fucking finally.
01:08:58You raped me.
01:09:01I did nothing of the sort.
01:09:02Yes, you did. You raped me.
01:09:05For your information, Janet, Gustav and Claudia had consensual sex.
01:09:10You raped me, you son of a bitch.
01:09:14I can't even... Oh my God, you piece of shit.
01:09:18You actually raped me.
01:09:20Are you diseased?
01:09:23Holy fucking shit, you raped me.
01:09:26It's only compelling if it's real.
01:09:29So are you diseased or what?
01:09:32You worry too much.
01:09:34Gustav is clean.
01:09:36I don't give a shit about Gustav!
01:09:38Are you clean, whoever the fuck you are?
01:09:42Well, I don't see how that's any of your business.
01:09:44But considering the fact that that was my first time,
01:09:46I think it's safe to say that I'm clean.
01:09:50That was your first time?
01:09:52I saved myself for you, Janet.
01:09:54Plus the countless hookers that I dressed like you and hate fuck till it bled.
01:09:59But other than that, yeah.
01:10:03Oh my God.
01:10:05You fucking raped me.
01:10:08It was just for the movie.
01:10:09No!
01:10:13That is not how it's done.
01:10:19All right, let's just, uh, let's just shoot the next scene.
01:10:22Are you fucking kidding me?
01:10:25You just raped me and you want to shoot the next scene?
01:10:29Who the fuck do you think you are?
01:10:31No, I will no longer be acting with you.
01:10:35I'm done.
01:10:36Movie's over.
01:10:38That's a wrap!
01:10:39Come on.
01:10:40It's just one more scene.
01:10:43We're so close.
01:10:45Fuck you.
01:10:53Fuck you and fuck your fucking movie.
01:10:57You drugged me.
01:10:59You tortured me.
01:11:02You humiliated me.
01:11:04You degraded me.
01:11:06Janet, let me ask you something.
01:11:09Do you want me to leave your house?
01:11:13That's not rhetorical.
01:11:16Do you want me to leave your house?
01:11:19Yes.
01:11:21I want you to fucking leave.
01:11:24Leave and never come back.
01:11:27Then you gotta finish my movie.
01:11:28That's the deal we made.
01:11:31I never made that deal!
01:11:38But I never made that deal!
01:11:45My toe hurts.
01:11:52I need to go to the hospital.
01:11:55Is this really the last scene?
01:12:09Yeah.
01:12:10Are you really gonna leave?
01:12:16Yes.
01:12:16Then let's just fucking get it over with.
01:12:28And...
01:12:29Action.
01:12:30How was that for you?
01:12:33The sex?
01:12:35Amazing, of course.
01:12:37You made me cum like a thousand times.
01:12:39You have a massive penis.
01:12:43I do?
01:12:44Like you don't know.
01:12:46Stop!
01:12:47No, really, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen.
01:12:51And trust me, I'm a huge slut.
01:12:53Well, I used to be.
01:12:54Now I'm...
01:12:56Oh, who am I kidding?
01:12:57I'm still a huge slut.
01:12:59Do you really mean it?
01:13:01Yeah, I'm a gigantic slut.
01:13:03No, about my dick.
01:13:07Definitely.
01:13:09You have the biggest dick in the entire universe.
01:13:13Of all time.
01:13:15My insides are jumbly.
01:13:18My bad.
01:13:18No, you're good.
01:13:22Want to go again?
01:13:23I can't.
01:13:25I have to take my Billy Gulls to the dermatologist.
01:13:31Right, right, right.
01:13:33So anyway,
01:13:35back to your penis.
01:13:37It's just so big.
01:13:39And not just long, but thick too.
01:13:42And veiny, your vein alone is larger than most male penises.
01:13:45Definitely larger than my last boyfriend.
01:13:47And he's from Africa.
01:13:50He's white, but still he's from Rhodesia,
01:13:53which technically makes him African.
01:13:56That's a shame.
01:13:58He's gay anyway.
01:14:01And what about my balls?
01:14:03Did you...
01:14:04Did you like my balls?
01:14:07Your balls are phenomenal.
01:14:09Perfect spherical shape.
01:14:11Good alignment.
01:14:14Hairy, but not too hairy.
01:14:15Very impressive.
01:14:16And did you get a chance to peruse my anial cavity at all?
01:14:25Are you kidding?
01:14:27I spent enough time down there.
01:14:30It's delightful, monsieur Vandenberg.
01:14:33Truly exquisite in how poo particles whatsoever.
01:14:36So...
01:14:37Just to overview.
01:14:40To overview, your penis is unmatched.
01:14:43Your balls are succulent.
01:14:46And your anus unsullied.
01:14:50I guess that's it, then.
01:14:52I guess that's it.
01:14:54You as well, too.
01:15:06You as well, too.
01:15:07As well, too.
01:15:16Cut.
01:15:17Oh, that scene.
01:15:22What about it?
01:15:24It's just about how big your dick is.
01:15:27That's your final scene.
01:15:29What are you talking about?
01:15:30It's a great twist.
01:15:31It's not a twist.
01:15:33Agree to disagree, Janet.
01:15:35That's a great twist.
01:15:36But that's not the final, final scene.
01:15:37That's coming up next.
01:15:38Jeez, making movies is tedious.
01:15:40You said the last scene was the last scene.
01:15:46Well, that's just because this next one's more of a shot than a full scene.
01:15:51And don't worry.
01:15:52You don't have to look at the script.
01:15:53There's no dialogue or anything.
01:15:55Well, what is it?
01:15:57Just this little extra thing at the end.
01:16:01What kind of a thing?
01:16:02Well, for fuck's sake.
01:16:04Just read it.
01:16:10So he just...
01:16:21He just kills her?
01:16:27And if it's only compelling, if it's real,
01:16:30then...
01:16:32Then...
01:16:34You guessed it.
01:16:35No, please.
01:16:36Please, Jake, don't do this to me.
01:16:38Sorry, but...
01:16:40I have to.
01:16:41But why?
01:16:43It's got to look real, Janet.
01:16:44It's called acting.
01:16:46It's make-believe.
01:16:47Well, not to me it isn't.
01:16:49But it makes no sense.
01:16:50Why would he kill her?
01:16:52It makes perfect sense.
01:16:55She's...
01:16:56got terminal cancer.
01:16:58And he's assisting her suicide.
01:17:00Please, you can't do this to me.
01:17:02I can do whatever I want.
01:17:04No, you can't.
01:17:06I'll ruin the shot.
01:17:09How so?
01:17:09I'll flail and I'll shake my head.
01:17:12I won't read.
01:17:14Well, then I'll scream the whole time and I'll fuck up your sound.
01:17:17Whatever.
01:17:24Please, Jake.
01:17:26You don't want to do this.
01:17:29No movie is worth somebody's life.
01:17:31I'll do it.
01:17:33My life.
01:17:33Do the right thing.
01:17:38Forget the last scene.
01:17:40Let me go.
01:17:41Destroy the footage and go on your way.
01:17:44Please.
01:17:46Please, just go.
01:17:48Just go.
01:17:49I'd like to.
01:17:52I would.
01:17:56You're going to get in trouble for this.
01:18:00How so?
01:18:01My face is never seen.
01:18:03Aren't you going to post it online?
01:18:05Yeah.
01:18:06So they'll chase it back to your computer.
01:18:08So I'll use your computer.
01:18:10I'm sorry, Janet, but there's no Hollywood engines in real life.
01:18:15Claudia has to die.
01:18:17And so do you.
01:18:19But why?
01:18:20Tell me why.
01:18:22She wants to know why.
01:18:23Why?
01:18:23Does the name Jacob Romer ring a bell?
01:18:34Did you say Jacob Romer?
01:18:38I sure did.
01:18:41I said Jacob Romer, the stalker who wrote me all those crazy letters.
01:18:46You did get my letters.
01:18:49Why didn't you ever write me back?
01:18:51Oh, my God.
01:18:52I needed you.
01:18:53I had my own monsters, you know?
01:18:58All I wanted from you was just a little sympathy.
01:19:03A little understanding.
01:19:08You couldn't even give me that.
01:19:10I didn't understand.
01:19:12Because I didn't have any monsters.
01:19:17You were writing to the girl from Mother May I.
01:19:21She was a character in a movie, don't you see?
01:19:23That wasn't me.
01:19:25That wasn't me.
01:19:25That wasn't me.
01:19:26Yeah, well, by the time I figured that out, it only made me mad.
01:19:29You tricked me!
01:19:31It was just a movie.
01:19:33I was just a little girl.
01:19:37I'm so sorry that I didn't write you back.
01:19:44I have a dad, and he's sick, and I'm all he's got.
01:19:53He has dementia, and I'm the one that takes care of him.
01:19:59Please, you don't have to do this.
01:20:02I did it.
01:20:04I have a dad, and I'm all hungras.
01:20:08There's a mother.
01:20:09A father like her and to do it, yeah.
01:20:10She's pretty clubs.
01:20:12She's cute.
01:20:13I was married so right and big old.
01:20:15That's very close.
01:20:21Yeah, my dad and he gave me a pair of my arms.
01:20:24I thought our love was bona fide
01:20:28But to my surprise
01:20:34Once in a while, once in a while, I lose it
01:20:40So have mercy, have mercy on me
01:20:44Oh, easy
01:20:48Have mercy, have mercy on me
01:20:54Oh, easy
01:20:56Cause the tears will someday die
01:21:18Thank you
01:21:26Thank you
01:21:28Thank you
01:21:36Thank you
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