00:00Please come back!
00:02Oh god, I think she's mistaking Santa for Tinder.
00:09Look at you.
00:11Freckles like a wounded sandwich.
00:14Even your body looks like you haven't used Kate to...
00:17Let's spare Santa the tough case this year, huh?
00:30Too bad your virgin ass will expire before any of this do.
00:43You get your options.
00:45First, strip down and ask who want to make your little present squish come true.
01:00The fuck, I don't see a motherfucker cactus.
01:21The fuck, I don't see a motherfucker cactus.
01:30Santa?
01:51Could it be?
01:53Did Santa send down a hot guy to be my boyfriend?
01:57You look like you need a Christmas present.
02:00Go on. Pick one.
02:02It's yours.
02:08I pick you.
02:30So, Miss Thistlevaea, are you ready to be my reindeer?
02:47Yeah.
02:48Wait, how...
02:49How do you know my name?
02:53Magic.
02:55No, it's right on that string card over there.
03:00Can I tell you a secret?
03:03This is my first time.
03:04I don't really know what I'm doing.
03:08Our first time.
03:10Do you not...
03:11Do you not like me because I'm a virgin?
03:14No, it's just...
03:16Are you sure you want your first time to be...
03:21With me?
03:25I'm sure.
03:25Did you leave?
03:42Morning, Miss Rhian, dear.
03:49Last night wasn't a game to me.
03:51If you are up for more, let's see where this goes.
03:55Brett Langley.
03:57Langley?
03:58I slept with Brett Langley.
04:02The bad boy?
04:08I got remarried.
04:11You got remarried?
04:14We just buried Mom a few months ago.
04:16Where's the goddamn ruster?
04:17Stop her out!
04:18I'm telling you, not asking!
04:22Her name is Rosemary Vale.
04:24She's got a daughter that goes to your school.
04:26Names Thistle.
04:28And she's a freshman.
04:29Like I fucking care.
04:31I will never accept them.
04:33It's not your call.
04:38I'm planning a family dinner next Monday.
04:41Play nice, and you'll get your credit cards back.
04:44No more busting ass over these shitty jobs.
04:51Not a goddamn chance in hell.
04:54But you're not quite what I pictured.
05:16I did it.
05:17I proved myself.
05:19Maybe they'll finally accept me.
05:21Well, well.
05:25Here comes our virgin queen.
05:28I'm not a virgin anymore.
05:30I...
05:31I will delete it right now.
05:43Give it to me.
05:47Huh.
05:48This is too good to delete.
05:51Imagine how paced Rat will be
05:53when he hears that this bitch was name-dropping him for attention.
05:56Who made our little reindeer cry?
06:11Let's go.
06:12Let's go.
06:12Relax.
06:21I've got you.
06:22I was wrong about him.
06:24He's actually nice.
06:26Nothing like the bad boy everyone talks about.
06:29He'll help me with Britney.
06:30Right?
06:31Rat?
06:32Do you think my date
06:33to the Hong Kong
06:34gets a lot of 19,000...
06:36What?
06:39I can't hear you.
06:41Forget it.
06:42I'll ask another time.
06:47This is how you'll help me shake it off.
06:49You?
06:54Baking a cake.
06:59Alright.
07:00Just some tough guy
07:01with some bad temper
07:02and no hobbies.
07:04Is that the picture?
07:08Is that right?
07:09How's that taste?
07:27Just me.
07:29Alright.
07:30Let's go.
07:36Why are two more?
07:39At the homecoming dances
07:45in two days
07:47did you
07:47maybe
07:48want to
07:49Now sugar
07:53Sugar makes you happy.
07:56It's science.
08:04Anyway
08:04what were you saying?
08:06This is the first cake
08:10anyone's ever given me.
08:15I'll never forget it.
08:17You're telling me
08:18you've never had
08:19a birthday cake?
08:20No one's ever
08:22brought me
08:22a birthday party before.
08:29Well then
08:29every cake
08:32needs a candle.
08:33Go ahead.
08:54She's not as bad
08:55as her mother
08:55she's just
08:57her.
09:02So
09:03Fire Rat
09:04isn't here yet.
09:06He's like
09:07just ten minutes late.
09:10He's probably
09:11just
09:11run away.
09:12I'll
09:13I'll
09:13have some
09:13again.
09:14Hey there
09:14Rat
09:15Ritz
09:16not
09:17gay.
09:18There's no way
09:19he'll be
09:19into someone
09:20who looks
09:21like
09:2112
09:22years
09:22old
09:23boy.
09:27Dude
09:27you've got to
09:28see this
09:29Rini's about
09:30eating her
09:30alive.
09:33Since
09:34you're
09:34so
09:34desperate
09:35for Rat's
09:36attention
09:36Why
09:38didn't I
09:38help you
09:38up?
09:39No
09:39No
09:40let me
09:41go
09:41Oh
09:51Oh
09:52Oh
09:54Oh
10:07Oh
10:07my
10:08God
10:08Look at
10:09you
10:10Oh, don't do it.
10:14So pretty, really.
10:16Let's show everyone how gorgeous you are.
10:22Everyone, check this out.
10:25Fix your eyes on Aston Heights Top Girl.
10:30Please don't fail.
10:36Look how popular you are.
10:38Unfortunately, no matter how pathetic you look,
10:42Rhett won't care.
10:44Because he only belongs to me.
10:46Oh, no.
10:48I'm so sorry.
10:50No way.
11:00No way.
11:02Rhett won't go for anyone but me.
11:04Heidi.
11:06No way.
11:08Rhett won't go for anyone but me.
11:10Heidi.
11:12Now I heard someone's been spreading rumors that I slept with you.
11:16Great joke.
11:18Where's Rhett?
11:20Rhett, I'm here.
11:22It's show time, liar.
11:26Oh, don't be shy now.
11:28Show us your charm.
11:30Everyone.
11:31Let's give it on.
11:32Applause.
11:33How are you?
11:34Why?
11:35checking.
11:36Any?
11:38Why are you joining me?
11:40I'm tiny.
11:41It's showtime, liar.
11:42Oh, don't be shy now.
11:43Show us your charm.
11:46Everyone.
11:47Oh, don't be shy now. Show us your charm.
11:54Everyone, let's give a round of applause.
11:58How are you walking sexy?
12:08Dixon Stonewitch know her, and Sister Spuddy makes us her.
12:13Oh, you get tired so soon. We should keep you going with some carving.
12:25Yummy.
12:36Great, that's so much better.
12:41Don't let her choke.
12:43I think there's something to wash it down with.
12:52Why did you lie?
12:54Is this what you wanted?
12:57Is she out of her mind?
12:59This is a gala, not a strip club.
13:03Something doesn't feel wrong.
13:05You think she can do it, folks, into this?
13:08Where are you even hiding? You've got nothing in there.
13:20She looks like a stick figure.
13:22Strip all you want, honey.
13:24No one's getting hard.
13:25My friend, so I can finally lose my virginity.
13:53Please get back.
13:56Oh, God.
13:57I think she's mistaking Santa for tender.
14:04Look at you.
14:06Fuck.
14:12Spare Santa the top case this year.
14:14Too bad your virgin ass will expire before any of this do.
14:34You've got two options.
14:39First, strip down and ask who want to make your little Christmas wish come true.
14:45Or...
14:45I can print this and put it all over your neighborhood.
14:52Please don't.
14:53There is no way out of this.
14:59Nice.
15:01Why didn't you ask James?
15:03Go on.
15:06Three.
15:10Two.
15:12James, don't you...
15:14Ew, what the fuck?
15:15I don't see what the fuck a cactus.
15:36Are you okay?
15:39Where did you come from?
15:40Santa?
15:45Could it be?
15:48Did Santa send down a hot guy to be my boyfriend?
15:52You look like you need a Christmas present.
15:54Go on.
15:55Pick one.
15:57It's yours.
16:03I pick you.
16:04No.
16:05No.
16:32No.
16:34So, Mr. Silvea, are you ready to be my reindeer?
16:43Wait, how?
16:45How do you know my name?
16:47I just...
16:57This is my first time.
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