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00:00When the music kicked off and everyone started dancing, I escaped to the garden for some
00:04fresh air.
00:05As I sat down by the fountain and sighed, a soft object hit me squarely in the face.
00:10Then someone in black jumped down from the tree above me.
00:13Brought your favorite cheeseburger!
00:14Meredith!
00:15What are you doing here?
00:16And why would you hit me with a burger?
00:18Wait, are you dressed up like Catwoman?
00:20Yeah, it's been my look for weeks now.
00:22One, it shows off my fantastic figure, which is a service to humanity.
00:25Two, every vigilante hero needs a costume.
00:28And I've always found Catwoman classy.
00:30Three, vigilante hero?
00:33You're basically raw people.
00:34Uh, yeah, like Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.
00:39You steal for yourself!
00:40I am the poor.
00:42And what's all this you-you nonsense?
00:44Last time I checked, we were a team.
00:46But sis, what's taking so long with this mission?
00:49It's not that simple.
00:51It's pretty simple.
00:52You make this rich dude fall for you, get access to his vault, steal the painting, and
00:56we run off to Bora Bora.
00:57Are you having trouble making him fall for you?
00:59Maybe he hates your eyebrows.
01:01I don't know.
01:02But I feel like punching you in the face every time I see your eyebrows, which is basically
01:06every time I see your face.
01:08Shut up, Em.
01:09Everything's going fine.
01:10Okay, but hurry up.
01:11This cat suit is giving me a butt rash even though I use baby powder under it.
01:15I want to put it away soon and retire on a beach in a bikini.
01:18Aren't you looking forward to it?
01:20Just take the stupid suit off.
01:22You're a con artist, not a cat burglar.
01:24And of course I'm looking forward to it.
01:27You should go before you blow my cover.
01:28And thanks for the burger.
01:30It's not a gift.
01:31Duh.
01:32You're gonna pay me back.
01:33I've noted it in my diary.
01:34See ya.
01:35I couldn't help laughing as I saw her clumsily climb the wall, then fall over to the other
01:39side.
01:40But as I turned away, I felt troubled.
01:43The problem wasn't about making this rich guy I had to rob fall for me.
01:47He already had.
01:48The problem was, I'd fallen for him too.
01:50Let's start from the start, okay?
01:52Hi, I'm Claire, originally from Connecticut.
01:54And yes, you might have heard some fun words being used for me.
01:58Deceitful witch, manipulative liar, and con artist might come up.
02:02None of which is an exaggeration.
02:04The people change, okay?
02:05Before I tell you my crazy story, please like and subscribe.
02:09My mother was born into what she always called old money, which basically means her family
02:13had been rich for a long time and their wealth was passed down generations.
02:17Unfortunately, it skipped our generation.
02:20Apparently, my dad was extremely charming and swept mom off her feet when she was just
02:2520.
02:26She married him against her parents' wishes and they cut her off from their wealth.
02:29Then, two years later, mom gave birth to twins, dad met another woman, and he abandoned
02:34us.
02:35At least he left us the house in a nice neighborhood.
02:37But my grandparents refused to help mom out and said she had to live with her decisions.
02:41Mom, how are you feeling now?
02:43Like my organs are shutting down one by one.
02:46So, same as this morning then?
02:48Here's some chicken soup.
02:49There's no chicken in it.
02:51Well, you asked for chicken soup when there was no chickens in the fridge.
02:55So I guess we all have to use our imaginations, don't we?
02:57Oh.
02:58The soup at my parents' house always had chunks of chicken and big fat prawns.
03:03What has life come to now?
03:04I was raised as a creature of luxury.
03:07I'm like that fairy tale princess who couldn't sleep because of a single pee under her mattress.
03:11So you say.
03:12But there's a bunch of sharp pebbles under your mattress and you sleep like a log and
03:18snore like a bear.
03:19What?
03:20How could you put pebbles?
03:21I do not snore.
03:22Leave me to decompose, please.
03:24Well, you have to return to your waitressing job, so get well soon, Mom.
03:29Shall not.
03:30I loved Mom, but she was basically a spoiled, selfish child who just couldn't adapt to her
03:35changing fortunes and start acting like a freaking parent.
03:39My sister Meredith and I were twins, but we looked nothing alike.
03:43With her soft blonde hair and big baby blues, she looked like the kind of sweet soul who saved
03:48kittens from trees, helped old people across the road, and sang to birds.
03:52She didn't look like she had an ounce of evil in her, which wasn't true, like at all.
03:56But we'll come back to that later.
03:57From an early age, it was clear to me and Meredith that we had to be resourceful for
04:02money.
04:03I started doing odd jobs for our rich neighbors in the eighth grade, like breaking their gardens,
04:07walking their dogs, and babysitting their kids.
04:10But Meredith was always finding more creative ways, like taking stupid boys in her class on
04:15paid exclusive tours to an alien site she'd discovered in the nearby forest.
04:20I'd seen her digging up the crater where the spaceship had landed.
04:24Or selling youth water to high school girls, claiming she'd traveled far to the Fountain
04:29of Youth over summer break and had a limited supply.
04:32They actually thought she was telling the truth because it tasted different.
04:35Yeah, that's because she was filling up bottles from the neighbor's gross jacuzzi.
04:39People eventually caught on and stopped buying from her, and that's when she started stealing
04:44from me.
04:45But whenever I'd confront her, she'd throw a tantrum and deny it like I'd accused her of
04:49killing someone.
04:50So the next time, I hid money in my diary and made my latest entry.
04:54Dear Diary, guess what?
04:55What?
04:56When Mom took Meredith to the hospital for her sore throat the other day, the doctors made
05:01a shocking discovery.
05:02Meredith has a rare, incurable disease.
05:05She only has a few more months with us.
05:07We've decided not to tell her so she isn't scared and lives the rest of her short life
05:12in peace.
05:13Yes, I'm sad, but not that much because my baby sister is going to a better place and's
05:19leaving me all her stuff.
05:20I knew my trick had worked when Meredith came down one morning with swollen eyes.
05:25When Mom asked her what was wrong, she burst into tears about her incurable disease.
05:30Where would you get an idea like that?
05:32Yes, Meredith, please tell Mom where you got this idea from.
05:37You wrote it in your...
05:38Wait, you chubby witch!
05:40You made me believe I was dying!
05:42Meredith lunged at me and we went rolling all over the kitchen floor.
05:47But she ended up getting grounded for a month for stealing and invading my privacy.
05:51I soon started missing her at dinner time, though.
05:54So late one night, I snuck into her room with ice cream to find her playing darts with
05:58my face as the target.
05:59I'm sorry you're stuck here, but you did steal from me.
06:02I know we don't have a lot right now, but we'll work hard and make money in the future.
06:06But the future is in the future!
06:09What do I do now when I need money for mascara and gummy bears?
06:13Maybe we can think of some business idea.
06:16Oh, I thought you'd never ask.
06:18She pulled out a box from under her bed full of t-shirts.
06:21So you know my friend George, the next door gardener's nephew?
06:24Apparently he volunteers at a mental institution every weekend.
06:27The owners got t-shirts made from all the patients, but they refused to wear them blah blah.
06:32So now the mental place has hundreds of these lying in storage.
06:35George said he can score them for me, and we could have our own t-shirt range with cute things written on them.
06:40Look, here's one I made for myself.
06:42I wanna go to Bora Bora, but I'm Bora Bora.
06:46Please help me.
06:47Funny.
06:48I'm very serious actually.
06:49I'm gonna live in Bora Bora one day.
06:51So are we selling these t-shirts?
06:53I'm in.
06:54I also made one for you.
06:55That'll be ten dollars.
06:56Thanks.
06:57Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy anything.
07:00Please help me.
07:01You should pay me for wearing this.
07:04Meredith didn't have the best reputation in our neighborhood or school to sell things.
07:09So we decided to hit the other end of town and set up a t-shirt stall outside a private school.
07:14With my salesmanship and Meredith's flirting, we managed to sell quite a few on the first day.
07:19We started setting up shop at different locations.
07:21And one day as we were heading home, Meredith suddenly said she had to pee really badly.
07:26So we walked up to the closest house to ask if they'd let us use the bathroom.
07:30We rang the bell, but no one seemed to be home.
07:33I was peeking in through the window when suddenly I turned around to see Meredith already crawling halfway through one.
07:39Are you crazy?
07:40That's breaking and entering.
07:41I'll kick in your face so hard that you'll need plastic surgery, which we don't have money for.
07:46If you don't want to be ugly for the rest of your life, let me pee.
07:50I let her go and was standing guard at the door when, to my horror, a car suddenly pulled into the driveway and a snooty woman stepped out.
07:58Hey, you girl, what are you doing lurking around my house?
08:02Were you thinking of breaking in?
08:03What?
08:04No, of course not.
08:05I, um, I'm a girl scout selling cookies.
08:08Yeah.
08:09I study in the, uh, Aston Bridge School for Girls.
08:12Oh, I see.
08:13It's a lovely school.
08:15I know many people whose children go there.
08:17Haha, sorry for my mistake.
08:19I'll be happy to buy some cookies from you.
08:21Put me down for twenty boxes.
08:23Sure, sure, sure.
08:25It's, um, five dollars a box.
08:27So, that'll be a hundred dollars.
08:29I'm putting your name down on my list and I'll drop them by tomorrow.
08:32That's perfect, sweetie.
08:34Here's the money.
08:35I'll see you soon.
08:36Just then, I saw Meredith slip out the window and as soon as the lady went in, we ran like
08:41crazy down the block and then collapsed on some grass.
08:44Look, I took some pastries from her kitchen.
08:47Perfect for a spontaneous picnic.
08:49That's stealing.
08:50Oh, you're one to talk.
08:51I heard the whole cookie conversation from inside.
08:54You took that lady's money and you're never gonna give her any cookies.
08:57I was just trying to distract her before she caught your butt.
09:00I didn't think she'd be dumb enough to actually give me the money.
09:03I can return it.
09:04Look, she didn't do it out of the goodness of her heart.
09:06She's a rich snob who was being really rude till she thought you were someone rich too.
09:11You didn't force her to give you money at gunpoint.
09:13Oh, Claire, this has just given me the best idea.
09:16You're not serious.
09:18Yes, I am. Dumb people deserve to be tricked.
09:21And what does $100 mean to someone who has a gold toilet seat?
09:25I knew it was wrong, but it was also so easy.
09:28And before I knew it, Meredith and I were wearing private school uniforms
09:32and hitting different neighborhoods collecting money for Girl Scout cookies
09:35that we had no intention to deliver.
09:38We made $2,000 in a month.
09:40But one day, when we went up to a rich old lady's house,
09:43she invited us in and even offered us cake as we signed her up.
09:46How many boxes will that be, ma'am?
09:48Oh, none, thank you.
09:50You see, I don't buy imaginary cookies.
09:54Uh, what?
09:55I'd heard that there were two conning Girl Scouts in town,
10:00and I was ready for you.
10:02I've called the police, and you two will end up in a detention center.
10:07Just then, there was a loud bang, and the power went out.
10:10In the confusion, Meredith kicked the old lady and yelled,
10:13Run!
10:14As we were sprinting down the street,
10:16I suddenly noticed a nerdy-looking boy my age running beside us too,
10:19grinning and waving at us.
10:21Hey, hold on, who are you?
10:23I'm your new neighbor, Freddy.
10:25I'm the one who saved you from that old crow.
10:27What?
10:28I'm so confused right now.
10:29New neighbor?
10:30You moved into the house next to ours?
10:32Why are you here?
10:33I was bored and saw you girls leaving your house,
10:36so I followed you for fun.
10:38Don't worry.
10:39I won't tell anyone about your little cookie secret.
10:41When I heard that old lady threatening you,
10:43I went to the main circuit board and pulled out a wire with my tweezer,
10:48which I always keep handy.
10:50You could have been electrocuted.
10:52You're either incredibly smart or exceptionally dumb.
10:55My mom says the exact same thing.
10:58Except for the incredibly smart part.
11:00Listen, you geek, what do you want?
11:02If you think you're going to get a cut of our profits.
11:04No, no, my parents are well off.
11:06They're neurosurgeons.
11:07I just want to be friends.
11:08I swear.
11:09I don't have any siblings and I don't know anyone here.
11:12What if we say no?
11:14I'll keep following you around until you say yes.
11:17Okay, fine.
11:19Congratulations.
11:20You got yourself two friends.
11:21Oh, I'm so happy.
11:23Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
11:26And from that day on,
11:27that goof really did become our best friend.
11:30Especially mine.
11:31He was like the sibling I never had.
11:33I mean, the nice sibling who did my nails
11:35and watched the channel I wanted to watch on TV without arguing.
11:39He was also really generous.
11:41I didn't want to take advantage of it,
11:42but Meredith and mom had no problem keeping all the gifts
11:45he was always getting us.
11:47We decided to lay low with our conning activities
11:49in case the old lady had actually told the police about us.
11:52But soon after we joined the 11th grade,
11:54a new drama unfolded in our lives.
11:57A family moved into the huge white house across the street.
12:00Apparently, the couple who'd bought the place was loaded
12:03and they had five teenage boys.
12:05Finally, some eligible bachelors on our street.
12:08Thanks.
12:09My feelings aren't hurt at all.
12:11Oh, I'm sorry I left you out, sweetie.
12:13Maybe you'll find someone too.
12:15I mean, they have five boys.
12:16There's a good chance one of them is gay.
12:18What?
12:19Why would you think?
12:20Okay, girls.
12:21Here's a basket of goodies for you to take over as a welcome present.
12:24Now go, throw yourselves at those boys.
12:26Meredith and I rolled our eyes,
12:28but we decided there wasn't any harm in checking them out.
12:31And we were welcomed by the ugliest quadruplets ever.
12:34They were really sweet and really excited to see us,
12:37but with their orange hair, acne, and buck teeth,
12:39they were not a pretty sight.
12:41Man, I feel sorry for those parents.
12:43Like, you know, Mom got one average-looking kid,
12:46but God made it up by giving her me.
12:48But those parents?
12:50Ugh.
12:51God decided to use copy-paste on that ugly model.
12:53They must have done something terrible to deserve this.
12:56You are so rude.
12:58Oh, shut up.
12:59I know you're thinking the same.
13:01I just have the guts to say it out loud.
13:03But then a day later,
13:04I'd just woken up when the bell rang,
13:06and I opened the door to find the most gorgeous boy ever standing outside.
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