I Can't Do This ｜ What Planet Are You From？

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00:00Oh!

00:17Damn!

00:30Can I help you?

00:32I'm looking for Perry.

00:34Oh, you know Perry?

00:36Yeah, but not too well.

00:38I'm his wife.

00:39His wife?

00:41Well, Perry's a very lucky man, if I may say.

00:45Very lucky.

00:48Harold Anderson.

00:50Helen.

00:51He's probably in the vault.

01:00Excuse me, I'm looking for Perry Gordon.

01:04Do you think it's okay if I wait in his office?

01:07Sure, that'll be fine.

01:09Oh, thank you.

01:09Hi.

01:10Oh, hey.

01:12Were you at the AA meeting last night?

01:14Yes, I saw you there.

01:15Your speech was very good.

01:17Thanks.

01:18Do you work here?

01:20Commercial and home loans, not too exciting.

01:22Just a normal guy.

01:24There's nothing wrong with normal.

01:26Do you know where Perry Gordon is?

01:27Oh, you know Perry?

01:28Well, no.

01:30He backed into my car last night.

01:31I've got an estimate for him.

01:33Could you give this to him?

01:34Sure.

01:37You have beautiful handwriting.

01:39That's the mechanic.

01:41Oh.

01:42Well, this part down here where you signed your name?

01:44Lovely.

01:46So, how long you been in the program?

01:48Program?

01:49AA.

01:51Oh.

01:52Oh, that.

01:52No, I'm not involved in the program.

01:54Perry just took me there.

01:55Oh, so he's in the program?

01:57Not that I know of.

01:58You know, this would make fantastic dinner conversation.

02:00Are you doing anything tonight?

02:01So, what were you doing there, then?

02:02Just checking it out.

02:04Have you had any chance to think about dinner yet?

02:06Oh, God.

02:07I get it.

02:08You're one of those guys that goes to AA meetings to pick up women.

02:11That's sick.

02:12How can you take advantage of people like that?

02:14Perry took me there.

02:15I had no idea what it was.

02:16How's eight?

02:17Oh, excuse me.

02:18May I?

02:18All right, here's the estimate, okay?

02:23And I hope the next time you take one of your pathetic little jaunts to AA, you drive

02:27a bit more carefully.

02:29What is she talking about?

02:30I am as confused as you are, sweetheart.

02:32Oh, come on.

02:33Look, I just put everything I had into this car.

02:36If you don't want to go through your insurance, fine.

02:38Write me a check.

02:39I'll wait.

02:40Is that where you were last night?

02:43That's what you didn't want to tell me.

02:44You were at an AA meeting?

02:46Now you know.

02:47I hope you're happy.

02:49You'll get your check.

02:50But why couldn't you tell me?

02:51Because I wasn't sure that I was strong enough to stay committed to the program, and I didn't

02:56want to disappoint you if I dropped out.

02:59Oh, baby.

02:59I had no idea.

03:01It's been tough, but thank God.

03:04So far, so good.

03:05It's such a brave thing you're doing.

03:07I can hardly believe it.

03:08One day at a time, sugar.

03:10One day at a time.

03:11I'll walk you out.

03:12You know, I love you so much.

03:13Now that I know, I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you never take another

03:17drink for the rest of your life.

03:24That was his wife?

03:26Yeah.

03:27Right.

03:28He's married, and he's going to AA meetings to pick up women?

03:31What a humongous sleazebag.

03:33Are you married?

03:34Nope.

03:35So I guess that means we're on for dinner?

03:38No.

03:40Nice meeting you.

03:43What planet are you from?

03:54What do you mean?

03:55Well, I guess you really want to go out with me.

03:57I say no, and you're like, okay, and that's that.

03:59I mean, put a little effort into it, why don't you?

04:01Are you asking me out?

04:03No.

04:03No, I'm not asking you out.

04:05Why would you think that?

04:05If I was asking a man out, he'd know it.

04:08Right.

04:09Yeah.

04:10You know, I have a feeling that you're not what you appear to be.

04:15You smell nice.

04:18Thanks.

04:19Something new.

04:19Just bought it today.

04:21Oh, God.

04:23Why was it never this complicated before?

04:25Oh, I know why.

04:27Because before, by now, I'd already be drunk and in bed with the guy.

04:29How's six o'clock?

04:32Oh, damn it.

04:33Fine.

04:33Anything.

04:35Seven.

04:36Six-forty-five?

04:37Fine.

04:38Tell me something about yourself.

04:57My name is Harold Anderson.

05:00I work in a bank.

05:02And?

05:04More.

05:05I've never met a man that talks less about himself.

05:09Where were you born?

05:11My turn to ask a question.

05:13What do you do for a living?

05:15Well, I worked in a guitar shop for a long time, but when I got sober, I realized I had

05:20to get out of there.

05:20You know, too many negative influences.

05:23Uh-huh.

05:23Such as?

05:25Well, musicians, for one.

05:27Uh-huh.

05:27And I think there was a sign over the door that said, come in, pick up the nearest guitar

05:31and play the beginning of Stairway to Heaven as badly as you can.

05:35Uh-huh.

05:35I mean, I was close to going postal.

05:38So what are you doing now?

05:40Well, don't laugh, but I'm working as a real estate agent.

05:45Uh-huh.

05:47Yeah.

05:47Yeah, a friend of mine has an office, and she helped me study for my license, so now

05:52I'm out there trying to sell houses.

05:54Uh-huh.

05:55How's it going?

05:56I guess it's okay, but I'm like six weeks into it and come to find out that you don't

06:00get paid until you sell something, which is like, oh, great.

06:07So what exactly is your mission?

06:10I'm sorry?

06:11Your mission in life.

06:12Like, my mission is to get to know myself so that I can actually end up focusing less

06:18on myself and more on others.

06:20I think.

06:21I believe I was put here on Earth to have a child.

06:26Wow.

06:28I've never heard a man say that.

06:32I would love to have kids.

06:34I just hope I'm ready.

06:35Because, you know, we transfer all our dysfunction onto our kids, and I don't want to be guilty

06:39of that.

06:40I've already totally fucked up my dog.

06:42I want to have a child.

06:48That's all I want.

06:53What's that noise?

06:55Cheap sound system.

06:59I don't trust you.

07:02Why?

07:03Because all men are the same.

07:04They'll say whatever they have to to get into your pants.

07:08That's terrible.

07:09But what would it be?

07:13What?

07:13The thing I'd have to say to get into your pants.

07:16It's a little messy.

07:26How long have you been working on it?

07:28Oh, just a couple of months.

07:29But I can already tell I'm never going to stop.

07:33You know, one day I'm happy.

07:35Oh, the breakfast nook should be yellow, bright and sunny.

07:38Next minute I'm down.

07:39I repaint it blue.

07:40Oh, it was black a couple of days ago.

07:43Black breakfast nook?

07:44Yeah, it doesn't work.

07:46Trust me.

07:47Why don't you take that arch thing out altogether?

07:50That whole thing?

07:52Why not?

07:52I have a feeling what's out there is more interesting anyway.

07:55What are these?

08:06Oh.

08:08Um, part of this whole thing that I'm doing, this whole changing thing,

08:12I'm supposed to turn myself over to a higher power.

08:15My only problem is I'm having a little trouble choosing one,

08:18so I'm just covering my ass.

08:20Higher power?

08:21Yeah, God, or whatever you want to call it.

08:24I'm looking into each one until I find the one that connects with me.

08:27How will you know?

08:28I'll just know.

08:30How?

08:32Well, I'll feel something, I guess.

08:36This one looks very old.

08:38Actually, it's not old.

08:39I got this on QVC.

08:42You don't care about this.

08:44You're just tricking me.

08:46There's no way to prove that a God exists.

08:49So?

08:50So then why look?

08:51That's not the point.

08:53Then what is the point?

08:55Oh, God, I knew it.

08:56I knew this normal guy, normal life thing had a big catch.

09:01Harold, please.

09:02Harold, I have to stop.

09:04Okay.

09:05Okay.

09:05No, I can't do this.

09:07Part of this whole thing, this whole thing about me changing my life and living by a different

09:17set of rules is, you're going to laugh, but I've actually decided I'm not going to

09:22have sex until I get married.

09:24Sorry?

09:25You see, I am finally free not to have to have sex.

09:30Do you have any water?

09:31Never mind.

09:32I'll help myself.

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