Taskmaster - Season 20 Episode 06- Is That Number Got Curves.
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00:01Hello?
00:09Hey!
00:14Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:34A group of comics battling out to see who is the least worst at doing a thing.
00:39No-one will learn anything from the next hour,
00:41so crack open a can and give in to the pointlessness.
00:45Here are the names of our giggling gladiators.
00:48Anya Magliano!
00:51Maisie Edda!
00:54Bill Ellis!
00:56Rich Sheertman!
00:58And Sonji Bhaskar!
01:01And next to me, a man who told me
01:03he never struggles to get back to sleep after the alarm goes off,
01:06he simply has to listen to one of his wife's descriptions
01:09of a dream she had.
01:10As he put it himself,
01:12they're so boring, I soon be snoring.
01:16It's...
01:18...Lily Ellerton!
01:20Good evening, everyone.
01:21Good evening.
01:22Hello.
01:24Hey, Craig.
01:25I've got you a present.
01:26Yeah?
01:27Don't you like it?
01:28It's a working mind-reading machine.
01:32You want to give it a go?
01:33Yeah.
01:35I mean, honestly,
01:36that's one of the coolest things I think I've ever seen.
01:38Oh!
01:42That's quite good!
01:43It works!
01:44Is there more?
01:45You are my best friend.
01:47Ooh!
01:48That was a bad edit, wasn't it?
01:50You are my best friend!
01:52Oh!
01:54You really mean it.
01:56This is the best...
01:57This is the best chat section ever.
01:59Let us begin!
02:00Yes.
02:01And I strongly suggest we start with the prize task.
02:03And the category this time is the thing Greg would most like to see Alex wearing.
02:10Oh, God!
02:11So, at the end of the show, not only will the winner take home five things Greg would like to see me wearing,
02:16but I might appear on the stage and don the outfit that wins this bit of the task.
02:22Ooh!
02:23Before I see any of them, I want to say that the things that make him look the most stupid,
02:28inconvenience him, or cause him pain, are the things that I'm likely to give high points.
02:33Anya?
02:34It's not constrictive, but I've brought in a versatile hat.
02:38Can I see the hat?
02:39Yeah.
02:40Here's Anya's hat.
02:45That is wonderful.
02:46That, I imagine, is incredibly heavy.
02:48It's heavy.
02:49It hurts.
02:50It hurts to wear.
02:51It will ruin his life.
02:52And I'll barely be able to see him and his horrible gappy mouth.
02:56Obviously, it's got the sparkliness for, like, all your awards dues,
02:59and then it's black so you can wear it to a funeral.
03:01A friend of my heart inevitably gives in.
03:04Yeah?
03:05I'd like you to wear that to my funeral.
03:06It's a deal.
03:11That's a strong opener.
03:12OK.
03:13Sanjeev.
03:14What would the... you said constrictive...
03:16Uh...
03:17Causes embarrassment or pain.
03:18Yeah.
03:19OK.
03:20So, if you imagine him wearing this in India...
03:25All of those things are covered.
03:27Sanjeev's brought this in.
03:29It's a safari!
03:30LAUGHTER
03:33Oh, my God.
03:34Our next night out, that.
03:36You.
03:37So full.
03:38Yeah.
03:39I would walk ten paces ahead.
03:41Not for cultural reasons.
03:44Just for personal safety.
03:45This is wonderful.
03:47Yeah.
03:48You'll look silly in a sari, and you'll be in danger.
03:51I mean, I'm excited we're having another night out.
03:54LAUGHTER
03:56Phil.
03:57It's a suit I've made, and it's covered in various things that will attract predators.
04:03LAUGHTER
04:05Yes, it is.
04:06This is what it looks like, Greg.
04:08Oh, here we go.
04:09There we are.
04:10LAUGHTER
04:11Oh, it's beyond my wildest dreams.
04:14LAUGHTER
04:15We all got some steaks there for any carnivores.
04:18Some sausages.
04:19Maybe we get a cartoon fun dog chasing him.
04:21Yeah.
04:22And, er...
04:23And, honey.
04:24Wouldn't we all like to see Winnie the Pooh attached to his back clawing away at him?
04:28Wouldn't we?
04:29Yeah, close.
04:30With his little t-shirt on, nothing below the waist.
04:32Lovely.
04:33The rest, blowing in the wind.
04:34Why Winnie and not one of the bad bears?
04:36Winnie behind closed doors is a real piece of shit.
04:39LAUGHTER
04:41I absolutely love it.
04:44Maisie, have you got something that will humiliate my friend?
04:47The late Lady Diana's revenge dress.
04:49LAUGHTER
04:56You mean this one?
04:57I...
04:58That's the one!
04:59LAUGHTER
05:00It's off the shoulder, form-fitting with an asymmetrical hemline and chiffon train.
05:04LAUGHTER
05:05Cleavage bearing a departure from typical royal attire, of course.
05:08Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:09It was, apparently, a statement of defiance and a powerful symbol of reclaiming her narrative.
05:13There you go!
05:14It was soon after finding out about the divorce, I think.
05:16Yeah.
05:17Yeah.
05:18And I've often heard you say backstage there's three people in this marriage.
05:21No.
05:22God, these are all strong.
05:24Rhys.
05:25Rhys?
05:26You have mentioned sometimes, haven't you, Greg, that you used to be a teacher?
05:29Yes.
05:30You occasionally mention...
05:31I may have got a bit of material out to me.
05:33Yes, yes.
05:34I presume when you were teaching, if someone was hard of thinking, they would be given the
05:38dunce's cap.
05:39So I thought, what's the next best thing?
05:41It's basically a hat with a propeller on it.
05:44LAUGHTER
05:45This is the hat.
05:46Let's have a look.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:48I think that...
05:49I think that should win.
05:50That is...
05:51Oh!
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53What a nightmare!
05:54Can I...
05:55Can I say, the reason I find it hard to score that highly is because he, and I mean this,
06:00would genuinely wear that out of chalk.
06:02LAUGHTER
06:03I've miscalculated them.
06:04Yeah.
06:05It would appear so.
06:06LAUGHTER
06:07I like all of them.
06:08I'm going to do something that will annoy you.
06:10LAUGHTER
06:11OK?
06:12I'm not going to give anyone one point.
06:14LAUGHTER
06:15I'm going to give Rhys Shearsmith two points.
06:17Yes.
06:18For that hat.
06:19Just because I'm in a good mood.
06:20I'm going to give hat number two, that Anya brought in, three points.
06:24Right.
06:25Because I liked it, but I think part of Alex would like that too.
06:28Four points for Asari.
06:30OK, one on Sanjeev, four points.
06:32And then, we're up into the big guns.
06:35LAUGHTER
06:36It's so difficult for me between meat and Diana.
06:39LAUGHTER
06:41I'm going to give five points to the late Lady Turner dress
06:44and the meat outfit.
06:46That's how I'm going to play it.
06:47OK, five tomatoes and five to both.
06:49APPLAUSE
06:51I have to ask, what should I wear at the end of this show?
06:54I tell you what, you put the dress on,
06:56I'll throw meat at you from down here.
06:58LAUGHTER
06:59Yeah.
07:00Looks like we got ourselves a shoal!
07:02LAUGHTER
07:04Let's have a...
07:05Let's have a tusk proper.
07:07Let's see the extraordinary power of one little snip.
07:10MUSIC
07:23I thought you were going to be sat there.
07:25Hello!
07:26May I?
07:27Please do.
07:28An envelope, a cushion, string and a gorgeous set of scissors.
07:32Would you like me to open the task?
07:34Yeah, OK.
07:35Yeah.
07:36Can I use the scissors?
07:37Yeah.
07:39Cut a single string...
07:42..to cause the greatest effect.
07:45You have 20 minutes.
07:47Your time starts now.
07:49Greatest effect is pretty broad.
07:51It's two bloody broads.
07:52Oh, right.
07:53That's objective, isn't it?
07:54Yes.
07:55Some of these tasks are.
07:56Yeah.
07:57I shouldn't tell you what I'm going to do.
07:58Just do it.
07:59Might need that.
08:00Done that.
08:01It's all good stuff, isn't it?
08:05APPLAUSE
08:07Yet again, Phil, positive.
08:13Making fun out of just having a pair of scissors in front of him.
08:17I try to look at the bright side of life and just enjoy every second.
08:20Good.
08:21That's wonderful.
08:22He said that like the summer with a gun.
08:24LAUGHTER
08:25Alex.
08:26Greg.
08:27Shall we see some?
08:28Why not?
08:29Let's begin with Phil, short for Philip,
08:31Anya, short for genetic reasons.
08:33Here we go.
08:34LAUGHTER
08:36I'll give you just one more item, if possible.
08:39Have you got a watch on?
08:40Yes, always.
08:41Brilliant.
08:42Strange response.
08:43Do you mind if I take it?
08:44Depends.
08:45Well, I'll look after it.
08:46I'm not an animal.
08:47It's a good watch, this.
08:49Right, I don't know how long you've got left.
08:51Well, none of us do, don't we?
08:53But isn't that life's big question?
08:55Part of the fun of it, really.
08:57I'll take the old bloody thing, that's right.
08:59There you go.
09:01OK.
09:02OK.
09:03Really simple.
09:04We're going to winch the glasses over the house,
09:09and then I'll smash the glasses.
09:11Talk's ticking, Anya.
09:12OK.
09:19OK.
09:21Would you like to take a seat, please?
09:23Thank you so much for coming.
09:24Thanks, guys.
09:25Right.
09:26Right.
09:27That's a single piece of string.
09:28This is the anvil.
09:29Mm-hm.
09:30So I'm just going to...
09:34OK.
09:35You might remember earlier, I took your watch from you.
09:38Yeah, I remember that.
09:39Well, I'm going to give it back, because I'm a good person.
09:42But, first of all, we've got the strap, we've got the watch.
09:48Well, I do like my watch.
09:50It's a beautiful watch, but points are points.
09:53So here we go.
09:54I imagine you've got about a minute left.
09:56A minute left.
09:57Oh!
10:01Ooh!
10:02That's good, but it's all I wanted.
10:04OK.
10:07That's on.
10:08Was that the little bit you were aiming for?
10:09Yeah.
10:10Amazing.
10:12Watch your head.
10:14OK.
10:15We're going to do it.
10:16We're going for it, are we?
10:17OK.
10:20Five.
10:21Four.
10:23Three.
10:25Two.
10:27One.
10:33Oh.
10:34I thought it would be bigger than that.
10:36I thought it was going to cover the whole house.
10:39I thought it was going to cover the whole house.
10:50Yes!
10:56Oh, you smashed it.
10:59I'm happy with that.
11:00Does it still work, Phil?
11:01It does still work, but much like me, it's damaged.
11:04Can I have it back?
11:05You can have it back?
11:06Of course you can.
11:07There you go.
11:09No, thank you very much.
11:10I appreciate you trusting me enough with that.
11:12Well, another day.
11:14Another dollar.
11:15Let's get back to the ground.
11:19Well, I mean, I worked with you the whole way.
11:21Yeah.
11:22I was thinking, she's got it sus.
11:23I found it was pretty spectacular when you managed to lasso the weathervane.
11:26It was all going well.
11:27Yeah.
11:28And then...
11:30Well, I wrote down what I think let the whole thing down,
11:33was I thought it would cover the whole house.
11:37Do you think it was like nuclear paintball?
11:40Sometimes I don't even need to score this,
11:42because you scored it yourself.
11:44After the video, you went, ah.
11:46What's that?
11:48Yeah, sometimes you have to know when it's over.
11:50Yes.
11:51But I've got a lot of my life left to live.
11:56Well, I still enjoyed it.
11:58I enjoyed watching you fail.
11:59Phil, this was bold.
12:01Because he loves that watch.
12:03I do love the watch.
12:04Well, is it broken?
12:05No, it's not broken.
12:06It made it sort of dirty.
12:07Oh, it's horrific.
12:08What an impact.
12:09But you should see the house.
12:11I can't.
12:12I can't.
12:13It's just a clown.
12:15Let's see some others.
12:16OK.
12:17Well, the next one's not for the squeamish,
12:18because it's Reece Shearsmish.
12:20Ooh.
12:21And so, Contessa, for three days you have denied answering our conscience.
12:37You still will not loosen your tongue?
12:41For the greatest effect, one small snip is all it will take.
12:48Let us see if we cannot change.
12:50Your mind.
12:51You still want to come first?
12:52Ever lower the pit and the pendulum swings upon the gut of the mistress.
13:10Do you have anything to say, you my lady?
13:13Oh!
13:14One of them?
13:15Ow!
13:16You will not steal again from the supermarket.
13:19What do you mean?
13:20It was you!
13:21Oh!
13:22Ah!
13:23She has expired.
13:24Never again will you steal from Asda.
13:26Loed!
13:27Loed!
13:28Finish her off!
13:29Now!
13:30The work here is done.
13:31Never again will you steal from Asda.
13:33The work here is done.
13:35Never again will you steal cream eggs from Asda.
13:36Bring in the next one.
13:37Bring in the next one.
13:38He is said to have packed.
13:39Part.
13:40Part.
13:41Part.
13:42Part.
13:43Part.
13:44Part.
13:45Part.
13:46Part.
13:47Part.
13:48Part.
13:49Part.
13:50Part.
13:51Part.
13:52Part.
13:53Part.
13:54Part.
13:55Part.
13:56Part.
13:57Will you steal cream eggs from Asta?
14:01Bring in the next one.
14:03He is said to have putt on a single yeller.
14:16Wonderful filmic ambition.
14:18I'd like for the first time this series to drill down into the narrative somewhat.
14:22Who are these characters?
14:24Well, it's based clearly on egg roll and post-pitting the pendulum.
14:28Of course.
14:29In which a man is tortured, sort of in the Inquisition style,
14:34and I changed it slightly that he'd been stealing cream eggs from Asta.
14:38From Asta, yes.
14:39Where was your character from? He was Spanish?
14:42Er, no.
14:43He's... He's from Hull.
14:45LAUGHTER
14:47Great effect indeed.
14:49Mm? OK.
14:50I'd like to announce the end in part one.
14:53And it's time, ladies and gentlemen.
14:55Strap yourselves in.
14:56Alex is going to end this part with his Robert De Niro impression.
15:00Ooh.
15:02You talking to me?
15:03Are you talking to me?
15:05It's like he's in the room!
15:07Yes, it's the start of part two.
15:23We've been seeing the dramatic consequences that can occur after cutting one single piece of string.
15:29Yes, especially if you parked on a single-year-old!
15:32LAUGHTER
15:34Time now to see what...
15:35I didn't know you were from Hull!
15:37LAUGHTER
15:39Time now to see what Maisie and Sanjeev decided was a good idea.
15:43Here we go.
15:44Ah-ha.
15:45Right.
15:46OK.
15:47You sure?
15:48No.
15:49But here goes.
15:50LAUGHTER
15:51APPLAUSE
15:52OK, thank you, Sanjeev.
15:53It's quite a shame.
15:54Is it?
15:55LAUGHTER
15:56No.
15:57OK, thank you, Sanjeev.
15:58Mm.
15:59It's quite a shame.
16:00LAUGHTER
16:01Is it?
16:02LAUGHTER
16:03No.
16:04No.
16:05OK, thank you, Sanjeev.
16:06It's quite a shame.
16:08LAUGHTER
16:09Is it?
16:10No.
16:11Greatest effect, you want most of the string.
16:12For greatest effect, you want most of the string.
16:15If I cut it at the very end, I've got more string so I can do more with it.
16:18If I hook it round that...
16:20OK, I'm OK.
16:21Greatest effect you want most of the string for greatest effect. You want most of the string if I cut it at the very end
16:28I've got more string so I can do more with it hook it round that
16:34Yeah, so you are going to cut the string at some point are you Alex leave the room
16:38Oh
16:50Upon invitation Alex gonna walk in pull off that hook and it's gonna tug this horse
16:55Which will bring the chicken down he'll think right that's the chicken out the way surprise another chicken that chicken still not over
17:03Third poulay of the day is gonna land ready to eat and I'll be waiting saying cheers
17:11There's your seat Alex, please enter the restaurant the restaurant
17:17Okay
17:25Bon Appetit
17:33Bon Appetit
17:35That's an absolute cock fest look at that three chicken fell over yeah, and you just cut one bit of string
17:40That's really good in it absolute cock fest
18:03All right
18:11I
18:13I
18:15I
18:16I
18:18I
18:20I
18:22I
18:24I
18:26I
18:28I
18:30I
18:32I've got one word for you.
18:40Existentialism.
18:49I've got to be honest, I was going to score you highly
18:52when you just let the table miss the egg.
18:55I thought, that's so clever,
18:57because we're all expecting the egg to be smashed.
18:59And you deliberately made it miss the egg, obviously.
19:02And then... And then?
19:04What a second chapter.
19:07Did you deliberately have the balls miss the second egg,
19:10or was that just fluke?
19:11That... No, it was deliberate,
19:12because the whole thing is you expect the eggs to break.
19:15Yeah. And that's why I said it's existential,
19:17because everybody, as people, are the kind of most vulnerable thing,
19:21like an egg, and situation and time and the world
19:23and everything is everything else.
19:25But we can survive it.
19:29You, my friend, are on the wrong show.
19:32So, Maisie, I did think it was fairly chaotic.
19:37You helped one of the chickens off the thing,
19:40but it was still a pretty great effect.
19:43And you had the best celebration as well.
19:45Whey!
19:46OK, I can score.
19:48What is the least effect?
19:50Well, it's Anya. I'm sorry.
19:51Whee!
19:51OK, I think I'll have to give you two on this occasion, Maisie,
19:56and I'll give the anvil three.
19:58OK, Phil get three.
19:59No, I don't know.
20:00It was profundity and action,
20:02so I think probably Sanjeev just pips it.
20:05So, four points to Reece, five points to Sanjeev.
20:07There we go.
20:08Five points to Sanjeev.
20:09Can I see the series scores?
20:12Yes, it's tight.
20:13Really, Sanjeev is at the bottom with 76,
20:16and then it goes Maisie, 80, Phil, 81,
20:18Anya, 82, Reece suddenly in the lead with 83.
20:21WHOOP!
20:22Oh, very close.
20:24Right, let's have another.
20:26Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
20:29What is it this time?
20:43Well, we're in a corridor.
20:45I know.
20:46What if I don't like heights?
20:48OK.
20:50Write an autobiographical ten-word story.
20:54You have two minutes.
20:56Your time starts now.
20:57On the notepad, please.
21:01Ten-word story.
21:02I don't think I need that many.
21:04I have to write it.
21:06An autobiographical ten-word story.
21:08That's what he wants.
21:10He?
21:10Greg Davis.
21:14He's the taskmaster.
21:15Yes, thank you.
21:19Ooh, what else have I done in my life?
21:22Greg, done.
21:23Happy with your story?
21:25It's true.
21:26Do you mind just showing me your story?
21:32That's for you, and I'll take this away.
21:34Oh.
21:35Oh.
21:36OK.
21:37There we go.
21:37That's for you.
21:38I knew you were up to something troublesome.
21:43Communicate your story to the taskmaster.
21:45You may not leave the bridge.
21:47The most accurately communicated story wins.
21:51You have ten minutes to prepare your performance.
21:53Then 30 seconds to communicate your story.
21:56Your time starts now.
21:57You've got time to prepare or practice or...
21:59No, let's just go for it.
22:01You just want to go for it immediately?
22:01Yeah, let's go for it.
22:02What is this?
22:09Anya, are you ready?
22:10Yeah.
22:11Ready, Maisie?
22:12Ready.
22:13Am I able to write on this window?
22:17Taskmaster will be watching.
22:19Well, where's the taskmaster?
22:20Oh, shit!
22:30Grace, grumpy that morning?
22:34No, I thought that's me on a good day.
22:37Sanjeev didn't take any rehearsal time,
22:39just launched straight into it.
22:41But we've learnt today,
22:43we shouldn't write Sanjeev off.
22:44There's a lot going on up there.
22:48Can we see their ten-word stories?
22:49I'm ever so excited.
22:50Yes.
22:51So we're going to see them one at a time, Greg.
22:53You're going to watch it
22:53and you're going to try to scribble down
22:54what you think the story is, Greg.
22:55First up,
22:57is he Mr Cool and Confident
22:58or is it Mr Let's Hurry Up
23:00so I Can Bog Off Home Early?
23:01Either way,
23:02it's definitely Mr Sanjeev's battle.
23:03LAUGHTER
23:03WHISTLE BLOWS
23:05WHISTLE BLOWS
23:06This is what I've gone with.
23:15A child is born,
23:19he grows up to be Sanjeev.
23:34LAUGHTER
23:34That might be slightly better than what I wrote.
23:38Well, the gist is pretty good.
23:41The story was,
23:42I was born Sanjeev,
23:44which I remain to this day.
23:45LAUGHTER
23:46Wow.
23:47It's not bad.
23:48It's not bad.
23:50We have to take the gist as correct into it
23:52while I'm scoring.
23:53OK.
23:54You want to see another one?
23:55Yes, I do.
23:55Who's can I see?
23:56I want you to see Maisie's ten-word story.
23:59OK.
23:59Here we go.
24:00WHISTLE BLOWS
24:01WHISTLE BLOWS
24:13LAUGHTER
24:13APPLAUSE
24:15You look like you don't know what it was.
24:18I don't know what that was.
24:20I've got it.
24:21You ahead of me.
24:23LAUGHTER
24:23I've written,
24:24Bored woman sarcastically indicates
24:27she did not enjoy man's company.
24:32I mean, that is my autobiography, actually.
24:37It's not a million miles off.
24:40Maisie, you wrote,
24:41he keeps explaining the plot of the show I'm in.
24:46What?
24:47Because you asked me to read the rules out a couple of times.
24:49You got infuriated, you wrote that down.
24:52I'm a fucking idiot.
24:53You've had highs, but this is a low.
24:58OK. Who's next?
25:00OK, I'm going to show you one more before the break.
25:02Here is Phil's autobiographical ten-word story.
25:05Have a look.
25:05WHISTLE BLOWS
25:23The tale of Elder's Tongue.
25:28I'll tell you what's thrown it and what I think is going to damage it is,
25:48I couldn't decide what this was.
25:51And in the end, I decided it was a circus tent.
25:54Do you think you've got it?
25:55This is what I've written, really.
25:56OK, yep.
25:56CHILD BORN TO CIRCUS
25:58RUNS AWAY
26:00BUT RETURNS WHEN SKINNED
26:03No, I think that's pretty...
26:07Yeah.
26:08He actually wrote,
26:09Preston born, Preston raised, left Preston, failed, returned to Preston.
26:14LAUGHTER
26:15The journey's there.
26:19Yeah.
26:20Remember why?
26:23Priest town.
26:24Is this a church?
26:25That's a church.
26:26Come on.
26:27You've got a couple of words right and you've got the gist right,
26:29but circus was wrong.
26:31OK, it's break time once more, so stand up, have a stretch,
26:35have a scratch, have a retch, have a burp, have a yawn,
26:38pick up your phone, look at some porn, close the curtains, make a dent,
26:41and before you know, we'll be back again.
26:42LAUGHTER
26:43APPLAUSE
26:44Hello, welcome back to part three of Taskmaster.
26:58Before the break, the cast had written ten-word autobiographical stories
27:02and were trying to communicate them in silence for me to interpret.
27:06What would your ten-word story be, Alex?
27:09Hmm, good question.
27:10I suppose it'd be...
27:11No-one cares!
27:12LAUGHTER
27:13LAUGHTER
27:14OK, well, here's Rhys's story now.
27:19Ten-word, autobiographical, have a look at this.
27:22ANHIND
27:39ANHIND
27:49APPLAUSE
27:53So that's what you've got to work on, Greg.
27:56OK, well, all I've got is when I was a little.
27:59I don't know what to do. No.
28:01Well, it's an autobiographical story.
28:03What do you think happened to Rhys when he was little, I suppose?
28:06When I was a little boy, I was...
28:13..sometimes grumpy.
28:16LAUGHTER
28:19Well, you've got the gist of it.
28:21Oh.
28:22When I was little, I choked on Monster Munch crisps.
28:25LAUGHTER
28:27Which would make you cross.
28:29Really angry.
28:30On the back of my brother's bike,
28:32I started to choke on pickled onion Monster Munch crisps.
28:35The greatest of all the flavours.
28:37The thing you said to me was there's holes in the crisps
28:39and I think it went and I had a gap.
28:41LAUGHTER
28:42He's only here because he breathed through a Monster Munch's foot.
28:45Well, there's only one left to see.
28:46Here we go.
28:47Fanyly.
28:48Finally.
28:49It's Anya.
28:50Fanyl.
28:51No?
28:52OK.
28:53Anya!
28:54What?
28:55One, two.
28:56Two.
28:57Two.
28:58Two.
28:59Three.
29:01Two.
29:02Three.
29:03Blue.
29:04Three.
29:05Three.
29:07Two.
29:08Four.
29:09One and three.
29:10One.
29:14Two.
29:15One.
29:16One.
29:17Three...
29:18Two.
29:19Two.
29:20One.
29:21Four.
29:22APPLAUSE
29:25It's like a Kate Bush music video.
29:29LAUGHTER
29:31Have you auditioned for Radha?
29:33Because that... Do you think that was good? Yeah.
29:35And he was in Paddington, too.
29:37LAUGHTER
29:40That's true, isn't it? That is true.
29:42I didn't finish the previous sentence... Oh, sorry.
29:44..to which you took as a compliment.
29:47LAUGHTER
29:49What were you going to say?
29:51But well done.
29:53LAUGHTER
29:54Well done.
29:55So this is what I've gone with.
29:56Mm-hm.
29:57Baby born to dancing cat...
29:59..who writes, jumps and then dies.
30:02LAUGHTER
30:04And you're born.
30:05Cats, the musical, school, university, trampolining, and you die.
30:09LAUGHTER
30:11Oh!
30:12It was the full life.
30:13I told the story in a different way.
30:15I did it through bullet points, which I think...
30:17I didn't realise that you could do it as one sentence.
30:19I thought it was like, do the main events of your life.
30:22Birth.
30:23Cats, the musical.
30:24LAUGHTER
30:25I went trampolining.
30:26Cats, the musical's a big thing in your life, right?
30:28Yeah.
30:29Were you in it, or...?
30:30I watched it.
30:31LAUGHTER
30:33What did you write again?
30:34A baby born.
30:35Anya born.
30:36That's good.
30:37To dancing cat.
30:38Cats, the musical.
30:39Who writes...
30:40School, university.
30:41Jumps.
30:42Trampolining.
30:43And dies.
30:44Anya die.
30:45Wow!
30:46APPLAUSE
30:47That's really good!
30:48So it seems to me, Maisie, fortunately, should come in last place
30:53and receive one point.
30:54Yeah.
30:55OK, cos she didn't really understand it.
30:56Followed by half a story Reese, with two points.
30:59OK.
31:00Phil didn't go to the circus, but he did the rest of the stuff.
31:02Yeah.
31:03Three points.
31:04Anya, surprisingly accurate, despite unusual priorities in life.
31:09LAUGHTER
31:10Four points.
31:11But Sanjeev, proving once again, sometimes, simplicity is best.
31:16Five points for Sanjeev's best.
31:17Five points.
31:18Five points for Sanjeev, let's go!
31:19APPLAUSE
31:20A little task, please, my basic boy.
31:24Yes, I am here to adhere.
31:26And now, what the flippers, we're off to the lab.
31:29MUSIC PLAYS
31:45Hello.
31:46You OK?
31:47I am, yeah.
31:48Nice flower.
31:49It's a new look you're trying?
31:52Maybe.
31:53I'll just sort of mix things up.
31:54OK.
31:55Hello.
31:56No other protests outside this lab?
31:57Again?
31:58Yeah.
31:59They're trying to stop you, whatever you're doing here.
32:01LAUGHTER
32:02Should I step into the ring?
32:03That's up to you.
32:04Well...
32:06Is it?
32:07LAUGHTER
32:12Ugh.
32:13Creepy.
32:15LAUGHTER
32:16No strings attached to this, is there?
32:18LAUGHTER
32:20Wear the flippers correctly.
32:22CLICK
32:24CLICK
32:26The slowest wins!
32:27Your time started when you entered the room.
32:30I have read that correctly.
32:31Slowest wins.
32:33Slowest?
32:34What a strange task.
32:37APPLAUSE
32:38This is a particularly confusing task.
32:43It was slowest wins.
32:45Slowest wins.
32:46No explanation.
32:47No explanation.
32:48It was very odd.
32:49What a tricky use of words.
32:50So irritating, isn't it?
32:52LAUGHTER
32:53Let's begin with two very famous faces from the stage and screen,
32:56perhaps best known for playing Martin in London's Burning,
32:59and Ravi the Indian cobra from Zoo Rush 2.
33:02Destination New York, it's Rhys and Sanjeev.
33:05LAUGHTER
33:06Slowest wins.
33:08So, I've got to sort of make a meal of it.
33:11Oh, look, there's loads of little chopsticks.
33:18What I'm going to do is try to not come out of this circle.
33:23I'm going to try and get the flippers with chopsticks.
33:25Yes.
33:30I'm missing something.
33:35The thing is, Alex, there is no right or wrong.
33:38Is that right?
33:43Don't confuse me.
33:46Slowest wins.
33:48You look like a cowboy.
33:50Do I?
33:51Oh!
33:54Something's happening.
33:55Ooh, rough.
33:59I mean, I'm going to go and have lunch.
34:01Now.
34:02How long are you going to spend having lunch?
34:04You never want to rush lunch.
34:05An hour for lunch.
34:06And then I might have a nap.
34:08And then I'll go home.
34:09Meet you back here tomorrow.
34:10Meet you back here tomorrow.
34:11I can't deviate from the path.
34:20Can you not?
34:21I don't get it.
34:22Because it's easy to do something slowly.
34:23Stop the clock, is it?
34:24OK.
34:25OK.
34:26I'm going.
34:27Ah!
34:28I was heading off.
34:29Yeah.
34:30But then I thought, you know, overnight and stuff.
34:31That's just a step too far.
34:32There you go.
34:33Right, the flippers are on.
34:34The flippers are on.
34:35The flippers are on.
34:36The flippers are on.
34:37The flippers are on.
34:38The flippers are on.
34:39Oh!
34:40Oh!
34:41I don't get it.
34:42Oh!
34:43I don't get it.
34:44Because it's easy to do something slowly.
34:45Stop the clock, is it?
34:46OK.
34:47OK.
34:48I'm going.
34:49Ah!
34:50I was heading off.
34:52Yeah.
34:53But then I thought, you know, overnight and stuff.
34:56That's just a step too far.
34:57There you go.
34:58Right, the flippers are on.
35:01The flippers are on.
35:03And I've stopped the clock.
35:11When they found out it's the longest task, Sanjeev just went for lunch for six hours and 19 minutes.
35:18We did, yeah, we did other tasks as well.
35:20I think, in many ways, your attempt was more in the spirit of the show in that you decided to give yourself extra tasks.
35:25The chopstick ladder.
35:28But it was to buy time.
35:29It seemed to be the right thing to do.
35:31Of course.
35:32Why sit there doing nothing?
35:33Why go for a nice lunch when you can make a chopstick ladder?
35:36And not deviate from the path.
35:39He's making his own rules.
35:42OK.
35:43That's the end of the third part of this Taskmaster chapter.
35:46In the final part of the show, Alex will be up on the stage wearing Princess Diana's revenge dress and a load of sausages.
35:54See you soon.
35:55APPLAUSE
35:56Welcome back to the last part of the show.
36:11Alex, are we about to finally find out what the hell is going on in this current task?
36:16Well, Greg, I'm pleased to say we are, which is less good news for Rhys and Sanjeev.
36:23So let's get some answers with our dear friend Pam.
36:26That's Phil, Anya and Maisie.
36:28Pam.
36:29Their initials spell Pam.
36:31Am I allowed out this ring?
36:33Mm, it's up to you.
36:34Can I open that?
36:48Every time you say the F word, F word, or F, your time is halved.
36:55If this time you say Flipper, Flippers or Flower, oh, I said the f...
37:04Fuck!
37:05Every time one of your feet leaves a circle, your time is halved.
37:10I'm just confused as to why there's a ring.
37:13Yeah.
37:14Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:15It's not mentioned in it, is it?
37:16Every time you laugh, your time is halved.
37:18Well, that's all right.
37:19I'm missing something.
37:21That was disappointing.
37:27You must put the Flippers on within ten actual minutes of entering this room, or you will be disqualified.
37:34Ah.
37:35I was heading off.
37:37But then I thought, you know, overnight and stuff, but it's just a step too far.
37:44After reading this, you must immediately return to the circle, but I wasn't in the circle.
37:48Oh, so I don't have to get back in the circle.
37:50Well, you can't return.
37:51You can't return somewhere you've not been.
37:52And the Flippers must be where they were when you entered this room.
37:56Correct.
37:57There's a lot of rules here, Alex.
37:59Like, have a day off, do you know what I mean?
38:05You look like you know what you're doing.
38:07It's always the key thing, I think, is to look like you know what you're doing.
38:10I thought there was going to be something with the flowers.
38:14Oh!
38:17How do you know how to do a lasso knot?
38:19I don't.
38:22So I've got to wait until it's just about to go ten minutes and then put the Flippers on.
38:25Oh!
38:27How long left, Alex?
38:29I can't tell you that, Maisie.
38:30You can't tell...
38:31What are you here for, then?
38:33I need to write down how many times you say Flippers.
38:37There's something else I'm missing here.
38:39What am I missing?
38:48What am I...
38:49What is it?
39:04After reading this you must immediately return to the circle.
39:07The Flippers must be where they were when you entered this room.
39:10Yeah.
39:11Do you want to give me the Flippers?
39:12We've got to put them back.
39:13What?
39:14So I'm going to start again?
39:15Yep.
39:16Oh, come on!
39:17I did the lasso thing!
39:19Okay, I have all my supplies.
39:20How long have you been in this room?
39:22I think probably...
39:25Seven minutes.
39:27Hey!
39:28Come on!
39:31Shall I stop the clock?
39:32Yeah.
39:33Stop the clock.
39:35Stop the clock?
39:37Yeah, I'm not laughing anymore, either.
39:42I've done the clock.
39:43Ooh!
39:44So I'll be leaving with my dignity.
39:45APPLAUSE
39:54The next time you get asked to write a ten-word autobiography, that seven-minute thing's got to go in.
39:58Was that actually bad?
39:59It was uncanny, yeah.
40:00Really?
40:01It was as the minute ticked over.
40:02Wow!
40:03That's not funny.
40:04That's just cool.
40:06So I can tell you some stats, Greg.
40:08Tell me them.
40:09Maisie, when you read the instructions, panicked and put the Flippers on in a total of three minutes and 52 seconds, which we then have to halve ten times because of various problems.
40:21So you completed the task in 0.22 seconds.
40:26LAUGHTER
40:28Seriously?
40:29It's already better than sound-eating words.
40:32Anya, the human clock, finished it in nine minutes and 25 seconds.
40:37Whoa!
40:38APPLAUSE
40:39You only had to halve it seven times, so about four and a half seconds she completed the task.
40:45OK.
40:46Let's not bother halve it the next one.
40:48LAUGHTER
40:49Are we not leading to the Joker being the winner?
40:53Phil...
40:54LAUGHTER
40:56..had to complete the task in ten minutes.
40:58He put the Flippers on in ten minutes and five seconds.
41:01Oh!
41:02If you hadn't done the lassoing, if you hadn't done the lassoing, you would have done it in under ten minutes.
41:07But I'm afraid, like the older men, he is disqualified.
41:09Oh!
41:10So only two scorers in that...
41:12Only two scorers.
41:13It's four points to Maisie.
41:14Oh, bloody... I'll take that, yeah.
41:16LAUGHTER
41:17Five points, Daniel!
41:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:21Let's have a quick look at the scores, then.
41:23Sanjeev is in the lead with 14 points!
41:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:29OK, everyone, will you all please...
41:32Ah...
41:34..stay put...
41:35Oh!
41:36..for the final task of the show!
41:38Oh!
41:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:45Oh, Lord.
41:48Sorry, Greg, I think Phil should read a task.
41:52OK, here we go.
41:54Ahem.
41:55Find the age of the mystery person.
41:58You must stay on your seats at all times.
42:01You may ask one question at a time, going from oldest to youngest, and you may only say two numbers each.
42:08The person may only say yes or no.
42:10First person to say the correct age wins.
42:13So, there's someone behind that screen.
42:15Yep.
42:16You've got to work out their age by asking them questions.
42:18The twist is you can only say two numbers throughout the whole thing.
42:21There will be only one winner of this task.
42:23One person takes away five points, the rest gets zero.
42:25Do you understand how high the stakes are now?
42:28LAUGHTER
42:29I do.
42:30Wow.
42:31So, this time, we're going oldest to youngest.
42:33Hello, Sanjeev.
42:34Thanks.
42:36You may ask our mystery person a question.
42:38Are you in your third decade?
42:41No.
42:42OK.
42:43Oh, come on.
42:44When you look in the mirror, do you think you look old?
42:48No.
42:50Right, we're off.
42:52Are you in a decade above the one Sanjeev mentioned?
42:56No.
42:57One is definitely a number.
42:58Oh, you mentioned a number!
42:59What?
43:00One is a number.
43:01One is a number.
43:02Oh, faff.
43:03LAUGHTER
43:05So, three questions down, one number gone for Phil.
43:07Maisie, it's your turn.
43:08Were you alive for the moon landing?
43:11Oh.
43:12Yes.
43:13I was, er...
43:15One.
43:16Please don't help the contestant.
43:18LAUGHTER
43:19Does your number...
43:22start...
43:23with...
43:24letter...
43:25S?
43:26Oh, that's a good one.
43:27Oh, aren't you?
43:28Yes.
43:29Ooh.
43:30This is good.
43:31APPLAUSE
43:32Are the two numbers...
43:35LAUGHTER
43:36Well, you've only got one left, but you might as well finish this question.
43:41Are the two numbers in your age the same?
43:43No.
43:44OK.
43:45This is lovely.
43:46It's a great question.
43:47You have sacrificed a number.
43:48This is lovely.
43:49Rhys?
43:50Are you 68?
43:51He's used a number.
43:52Oh, my.
43:53Is it worth it?
43:54No.
43:55Whoa!
43:56God, it was bold, though.
43:57OK, we brought out 68.
43:59Is the letter that follows the other letter of your age an I?
44:08And that's not a Roman numeral.
44:11LAUGHTER
44:12That's right.
44:13No.
44:14Oh.
44:15Oh.
44:16Huh?
44:17Oh.
44:18Oh.
44:19I'm sure a mystery person's complete.
44:20Do you mind asking the question again?
44:22Does the letter that follows the other letter you mentioned from that part of your age begin with the letter I?
44:33Oh.
44:34And I don't mean a Roman numeral.
44:35I thought that deserved more than that.
44:37LAUGHTER
44:38It deserved more.
44:40It's the letter that follows the other letter that you mentioned to spell out your age an I.
44:56Yes.
44:57Yes.
44:59APPLAUSE
45:01It takes us down to one specific decade for sure.
45:05Can you ride the bus for free?
45:07No.
45:08So, they can't ride the bus for free.
45:11The bit that we've narrowed it down...about.
45:14Is that number got curves?
45:19LAUGHTER
45:21Yes.
45:22Were you born after the Cuban Missile Crisis?
45:26No.
45:27Does the second number rhyme...
45:31Oh.
45:32With more?
45:33No.
45:34Oh.
45:35If that had done recently, you would have given it to someone else.
45:39Oh.
45:40Well, it's magnanimous.
45:41Just guess.
45:42Just guess.
45:43Just guess.
45:44What a rush.
45:45LAUGHTER
45:46Are you...
45:4863 years old?
45:50Yes.
45:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:52It's Quentin from series 13 and 18.
45:53CHEERS
45:54CHEERS
45:55CHEERS
45:56Yes.
45:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:58It's Quentin from series 13 and 18.
46:00CHEERS
46:01CHEERS
46:02CHEERS
46:03CHEERS
46:04CHEERS
46:05CHEERS
46:06CHEERS
46:07CHEERS
46:09I hope not.
46:11Quentin, thank you so much for being our guest.
46:13We'll add up the scores and see how that affects the final scores.
46:16Goodbye.
46:20That was a high octave round.
46:23Is it on purpose that that number is written all over the house?
46:26Everything's on purpose.
46:2963 was the age of Quentin, which means that Phil wins five points.
46:33Well done.
46:34And so, sadly for Samjeev, who has not won an episode yet,
46:40he's come second in this one.
46:42The winner with 16 points is...
46:44Phil Ellis!
46:46Phil Ellis wins!
46:48Please head up to pick up some clothing for the person I'm loathing.
46:54Here he is, the latest winner,
46:56Phil Ellis and Vinny Alex Hall!
46:59Well, Series 19 graduate Stevie Martin's task is to be the first guest
47:07and the return of the last leg.
47:09That time starts tomorrow night at 10.
47:11Well, a side hustle, a cheeky bit of crypto
47:13or maybe some legalised child labour.
47:15Do you need to park your morals at the door
47:17if you want to make a million in just 90 days?
47:19We'll find out next.
47:21APPLAUSE
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