Mortimer and Whitehouse- Gone Fishing - Season 8 Episode 05- River Findhorn, Scottish Highlands - Salmon
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00:00Blimey, it never lets us down in Scotland, does it, Paul?
00:05No. Look at it.
00:07This is the River Findhorn, Bob.
00:10Right. Findhorn, that could be a detective, couldn't it? ITV, probably.
00:13Findhorn.
00:15He's drunk, but he's good.
00:17Drunk, but he's good and we need him.
00:19Look at this down here.
00:21The prettiest river I've ever fished, Robert Mortimer.
00:24In these islands.
00:25So that's why we're here?
00:27That's why we're here, mate.
00:28And it gives me a chance to catch my first salmon on a fly.
00:31Yeah, I mean, conditions aren't great, but we don't care about conditions, do we, Bob?
00:35You're obsessed with them.
00:37No, we overpower them with our positive thought.
00:39Come on, then. Come on, then.
00:41Come on!
00:43Oh, Paul, man, don't get this to gross.
00:45Come on!
00:58We are literally in the middle of nowhere, aren't we?
01:08Yeah, there's a sign there saying middle of nowhere.
01:11Middle of nowhere.
01:13The Drainican Valley. Wow, have a look at that.
01:16In one curve of the river I absolutely understand why you want it to come here.
01:20I mean, it's a shame Ted's missing out on all this.
01:22Look at it.
01:25We're crossing the river, Paul.
01:26Into the river! Into the river!
01:28It's gripped! It's sorted!
01:31Let's off-road!
01:35And we're in!
01:36And we're in!
01:37I feel like a wildebeest, don't you?
01:39Yeah, I know what you mean.
01:40Ooh, that's one fish down.
01:41Ooh!
01:44This is great, isn't it?
01:47That's it, keep the push on.
01:48Do I need a bit of speed here?
01:50Put your foot down, Sangu.
01:52Yes!
01:53Hello, little chips!
01:54Whoa, look at me, guys!
01:59Wow!
02:00Wowza!
02:01Do you think this was where Kate Bush was when she made that song?
02:04That, what, wow!
02:05Wow!
02:06Unbelievable!
02:08Lovely, thank you, Bob.
02:10Woo, woo, woo!
02:11Yeah!
02:12Let's fish!
02:13Wow!
02:16The sun's shining in Scotland.
02:17There ain't nowhere more pretty, is there?
02:19No, that's true.
02:20Is the boss.
02:21That's true.
02:23I think I'll watch you for a bit.
02:24This is so gorgeous.
02:25Yeah?
02:26You can never watch, mate.
02:32A smaller river than the salmon rivers you usually take me to, Paul.
02:35Yeah?
02:37It's hard for me to believe there are big salmon in here.
02:39I wouldn't say there's necessarily giant salmon in here, Bob,
02:42but there would have been a run of grills since some early spring fish
02:45that would still be lurking in there with a bit of luck.
02:47Come on, get me a fish.
02:50I'll try, Bob.
02:54How are you finding that wind?
02:56Actually, er, how can I put it?
02:59Difficult.
03:00Yeah?
03:02Of all the, erm, weather conditions, I think it's the wind I hate most.
03:06Really?
03:07Yeah.
03:08I recently, just a bit like David Beckham, that's the kind of guy I am,
03:12I got myself like an outdoor kitchen area.
03:14Oh, yeah.
03:15A barbecue.
03:16Yeah.
03:17And with your tattoos in your night hood, yeah?
03:19And the wind, the wind ruins it.
03:22It's not so bad when it's overcast, all right?
03:24Right.
03:25We've got an umbrella, so it doesn't matter if it's raining.
03:27Yeah.
03:28But the wind just makes it tiresome, you know?
03:30Yeah.
03:31I think outside dining is actually sometimes overrated for that very reason, Bob.
03:36Yeah.
03:38That's a good cast, mate.
03:41Is there any salmon?
03:42Oh!
03:43Now, was that a salmon or a trout?
03:44Well, if it was a trout, it was a decent trout.
03:46It was a big old trout.
03:47Yeah.
03:48And a big old trout might just take this.
03:53I think we're losing the sun, Paul, so...
03:55Yeah.
03:56That improves the chances.
03:57It does.
03:58Yeah.
03:59Bob, I had a dream about you not too long ago.
04:02Yeah?
04:03Yeah.
04:05Was I picking up a trophy?
04:06No, we were actually getting married.
04:09We were getting married?
04:10Yeah, and you had, like, a really thick head of hair.
04:13Now, which of those is the more likely?
04:19Yeah!
04:20It's a trout, though.
04:21Oh, well done, though, Paul.
04:22Look at that, you were right on it.
04:23Yeah, it was good, wasn't it?
04:24Cool.
04:25Now, you imagine if that was a ten-pound salmon.
04:27Hey!
04:28We don't need the net, Bob.
04:29Okay.
04:30Here we go.
04:31Check us out.
04:32We're the guys.
04:33He's gone!
04:34Oh!
04:35Oh!
04:36I did see him.
04:37He had a little tiny hint of red spots.
04:40Yeah.
04:41Quite dark on the back.
04:42Peaty water, look.
04:43Yeah.
04:44That's often the case, you know.
04:45Right.
04:46Yeah.
04:47But he went for it, didn't he?
04:48Look.
04:49Aggressive.
04:50Well, that's hopeful, isn't it, Paul?
04:52Yeah, yeah.
04:53And it's just after the sun went in.
04:55Yeah.
04:56Yeah.
04:57So I'm going to buy into that fisherman's myth.
04:59Yeah.
05:00Thank you, little trout.
05:02Keep fishing out, Paul.
05:03I'm going to get on the river.
05:04On the river, as it were.
05:05On the river.
05:06Whereabouts?
05:07I'm going to go just beyond you, if you don't mind.
05:09No, I don't mind.
05:10And try and get myself a trout.
05:11Okay, mate.
05:12All right.
05:13Bonne chance, Murray.
05:14Bonne chance.
05:37How beautiful is this?
05:39It's incredible, isn't it?
05:40Yeah.
05:41I sort of just started to breathe, you know?
05:44Yeah.
05:45And relax.
05:46Yeah.
06:05Whoa.
06:06Little pull.
06:08It was just a snatch.
06:10All gold legal.
06:11You're joking.
06:12They're just behind you.
06:13Bloody hell.
06:14Wow.
06:15Wow.
06:16Checking you out.
06:19Ain't it?
06:31Perfect time for a cuppa, isn't it?
06:32Isn't it beautiful?
06:33I told you, it was one of the prettiest rivers I've ever been to.
06:36Yeah.
06:37And I'm sharing it with one of the prettiest men I've ever met.
06:39That nice.
06:44Bob, I've got an ailment.
06:46Yeah?
06:47I've got a thing on my head.
06:49Do you know what I mean?
06:50I mean, I know about your thing.
06:51You see it?
06:52Oh, it does look a lot worse.
06:53Oh, it does look a lot worse.
06:54I know.
06:55Well, they were a bit concerned, so they did a biopsy.
06:58It was fine.
06:59It was negative.
07:00But, I mean, you always wear a hat, so well done.
07:02But I sometimes don't.
07:03I try to when I'm fishing, but it's dangerous as we get older.
07:06Like, a lot of skin damage from the sun.
07:08Yeah.
07:09Like, I have to put this horrible cream on soon.
07:11Chemo cream.
07:12Oh, do you?
07:13Falling apart.
07:14I know.
07:15A lot of the ladies now just do put on a bit of SP just every single day, don't they?
07:19Yes.
07:20I think probably fellas need to catch up.
07:22Yeah.
07:23I was told, I was told by the skin specialist, Sid, from April to October, whenever you go out,
07:29you should put some on.
07:30Yeah.
07:31I just don't like SP.
07:32You've got somebody to do it for you, haven't you?
07:34What, an oiler?
07:35Yeah.
07:36A creamer.
07:37A creamer.
07:38Nice cup of tea, this.
07:40Very nice cup of tea, innit?
07:42Do you know what, Paul?
07:43You need a haircut.
07:44Well, what's left of my hair's a bit straggly, innit?
07:47Yeah.
07:48But it ages you.
07:49Do you think?
07:50No, honestly, it doesn't.
07:51Okay, you be careful of that.
07:52What, you're offering to let me cut it?
07:53I'd love to cut it.
07:54I don't know.
07:55You can give it a trim.
07:56Can I say something?
07:57You've got a sort of growth on the top of your head as well.
07:59Have a good look at what's going on.
08:00I never look at it.
08:01Yeah, like, there's a bit there, a sort of rock formation.
08:05Is there anything moving inside?
08:07Is there anything moving?
08:08No, there's just these little sort of rock formations.
08:11Because I've always had this fear that some insect might lay an egg.
08:14That's the terror, innit?
08:15Yeah.
08:16You might get a degree of satisfaction removing one as a surgeon.
08:19As a surgeon, yeah.
08:21Would you do it with a flourish?
08:24Yeah, I'd do it not looking.
08:27Like that.
08:28Should we do some more fishing, Bob?
08:33Yeah, let's do it.
08:34That's on.
08:35The Wonder Woman.
08:36The Legend of Asmi City
08:45Like that.
08:50Oh, f**k.
09:08Paulie!
09:10I'm in.
09:11You get it, man, Bob.
09:13I don't know what I'm doing.
09:15It's just a trout.
09:17I say just a trout.
09:18It's a beautiful one.
09:20Blimey, well done, mate.
09:23Hey!
09:25Quite a bit of gold on there.
09:27My first Scottish trout, that is.
09:32And away!
09:34There he goes.
09:36That was a pretty fish.
09:39Brilliant solo effort.
09:41Soon as the White House clears off, we get some action.
09:44Did you get one?
09:55Beautiful trout.
09:56How big?
09:59Well, well done, mate.
10:00At least we've got a trout each other.
10:02I say, Paul, can you remember your first car, Reg, or your first, your telephone number when you were at home?
10:17You know, your mum and dad's phone number.
10:18Seven, six, oh, four, one, four.
10:21Bloody hell.
10:22I thought, until I started it, I thought, I haven't got a clue.
10:25Do you feel really good about that, that you remembered that?
10:28Yeah, I do, yeah.
10:28There's still life in there.
10:29Yeah.
10:30I'm going to remember my national insurance number.
10:33Yeah.
10:33Do you want that?
10:34Go on, then.
10:34What about my pin number?
10:36Would you like that?
10:39No, the worst thing for me, Bob, with memory is, if I have a thought in my mind, and I let another one intrude for a millisecond, the initial one's gone.
10:50Yeah.
10:50And I curse myself for it.
10:54If I walk into a room, and I've forgotten why I went into it, if it's the kitchen, I just assume it was to look in the fridge.
11:01And then, if it's the living.
11:02Or any kitchen, even have a people's kitchen.
11:04Yeah, why not?
11:05Definitely.
11:06Do you know where I tend not to forget why I came into the room?
11:10Go on.
11:10The toilet.
11:12Do you know what I mean?
11:13Yeah.
11:14Well, there's only, I suppose there's three options.
11:18What's the three options?
11:20To have a wee or a number two, or just for the peace and quiet.
11:31Ah, well, Paul, I think it's time for the accommodation, but it is a beauty.
11:36Is it?
11:36Yeah, it's worth going to.
11:37Really?
11:38Yeah, and we've got tomorrow to fish, so.
11:39Okay.
11:46Watch yourself, watch yourself.
11:48Go on, son.
11:50Go, go, go, go, go.
11:52See that there?
12:06Yeah.
12:06What does it say?
12:07Rosari?
12:08Rosari.
12:09It's a bit French, isn't it?
12:10Yeah, that's where we're staying, and it has got a bit of a French feel.
12:13On account of the fact that it's classy.
12:15Oh, I see.
12:17Oh, I like that.
12:18Oh.
12:19Oh, you like.
12:21Yeah, I like it.
12:22Look, there's animals there.
12:23What a view.
12:24Ted would like it here, wouldn't he?
12:26God, wouldn't he be after them sheep?
12:28Yeah, I love it.
12:31Spacious.
12:32We're going to be cosy here, Paul.
12:34Yeah, aren't we?
12:35Nice telly, Bob.
12:36Upstairs?
12:36Up of the stairs.
12:38Oh, so dynamic.
12:39You going right?
12:40I'll go right.
12:42Ah.
12:43I think I've done good.
12:45Hey.
12:47This is your room, Bob.
12:48Ah, nice, yeah.
12:52Let me have a look.
12:53Lovely.
12:53You'll prefer that one.
12:56I'm not having this one.
12:59No, Paul.
13:01Dislodge me at your peril.
13:03Paul.
13:04Are you going to pull me off?
13:05I chose right.
13:05Are you going to pull me off?
13:06I chose right.
13:07He's pulling me off.
13:09I chose right.
13:10I'll tell you what, Bob.
13:11No, you can have it, mate.
13:13Come on.
13:15Oh, your room is so bad.
13:24Paul, I'm going to cut your hair tonight, yeah?
13:26Okay, Bobby.
13:27Excuse me, sir.
13:33Sir?
13:34Yeah?
13:35It's a hairdresser, sir.
13:36You're a belligerent hairdresser.
13:38Yeah.
13:38We need to get a move on.
13:40I've got six other clients waiting, you see?
13:44Okay.
13:44Welcome to Clip Clop Hairdressers.
13:47Hair boutique, actually, sir.
13:49Hair boutique.
13:50Hair boutique, right.
13:51Do you know why it's called Clip Clop?
13:52No, go on.
13:53Because I used to do horses.
13:55I see.
13:55So I'll help me trade on the horses.
13:57On the horses, yeah.
13:58Can it be a light trim, please?
14:00I'm only using stuff from the kitchen.
14:01I've got a couple of scissors and a potato peeler.
14:05They might come in useful.
14:07Go on, then.
14:13Your technique is rubbish.
14:15It's all flying in me eyes and everything.
14:17Your technique is rubbish.
14:20I'm going to bring some of the chaps down here.
14:22We're going to smash your salon up, mate.
14:24That's happened before.
14:31I tell you, Paul, you should worry about this hair.
14:35It's a bit late now, Bob, isn't it?
14:37Served me well, better than yours did.
14:39No, I accept that, yeah.
14:41But it's so liquidy.
14:44It's like fog.
14:47Your chairside manner isn't very good, Bob.
14:50All right, I'll get better, then.
14:54So, sir.
14:55Yeah?
14:55How's things at the retirement home?
14:58Retirement village?
14:59Oh, I own it.
15:00Retirement village?
15:00I own it, actually.
15:01You own it, do you, sir?
15:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:02Been a lot of complaints, hasn't there?
15:04No, no.
15:05I've seen in the local paper.
15:07A lot of complaints about the owner peering through the windows.
15:09Oh, I like it, I like it.
15:14You're pretty gung-ho, aren't you?
15:16What's your name?
15:18What's my name?
15:18Yeah.
15:19Requious.
15:20Ah-ha.
15:22That bull.
15:22No, Requious hasn't got any appointments for at least a month.
15:27God, can Requious fit me in?
15:30I'm sure he can.
15:31What do you think?
15:37Oh, actually, it's all right, Bob.
15:39I mean...
15:40You're happy with that?
15:41Yeah, it's all right.
15:41When I was young, I would have been able to carry that off.
15:43I think you look great, Paul.
15:45I think you look great.
15:45I mean, okay.
15:48Thanks, Bob.
15:48No worries.
15:57I wish I hadn't given you a haircut now.
15:59Why?
15:59You look younger than me.
16:00Don't like that.
16:01Shall we say hello to the cows?
16:04Yeah, come on.
16:06Cows?
16:07How do you feel?
16:09Hey, cows.
16:11Do a Northern Irish cow.
16:13Mee.
16:15Mee.
16:17Mee, sort of as night.
16:18Brummy cow.
16:19They might be from Birmingham.
16:20Mew.
16:21Mew.
16:22Mew.
16:23Georgie?
16:24Mew Lake.
16:25LAUGHTER
16:26Mew.
16:38Mew.
16:38Mew.
16:39Mew.
16:39Mew.
16:40Lovely morning, isn't it?
17:03Isn't it? Look at this.
17:05I'm tempted to say morning private with that haircut.
17:07Oh, yeah, captain, surely.
17:09Yeah, no, you're right. I'll give you that.
17:11Yeah.
17:12Well, I think it makes you look a lot younger.
17:15OK.
17:18I noticed you went for the whole meal.
17:22I don't really like white bread anymore.
17:25Sourdough, I like. Do you like sourdough?
17:27I can't stand it. I don't understand it.
17:30If it was an independent area of cuisine, I'd understand it,
17:34but it's sold as bread.
17:36Oh, I see what you mean, yeah.
17:37If it was marketed as not bread.
17:39Well, I'll just mark it as, I don't know,
17:41sourdough, call it Chadwick.
17:43Yep, sourdough Chadwick.
17:44Have you got any Chadwick?
17:45Yep.
17:46Yeah, we've got a sourdough Chadwick here.
17:48I'll take it.
17:49OK.
17:49Oh, and do you sell bread as well?
17:50Would you like it sliced?
17:53Can you slice it? You can slice a sourdough.
17:55Yep, you can slice a Chadwick.
17:57It's the best thing since sliced Chadwick.
18:03Right, another exciting day awaits us, Bob.
18:27Yep.
18:27Are you excited?
18:29Yeah, what a place to be.
18:30Yeah. Are you scared?
18:32I'm not scared.
18:33I'm scared of an old melee.
18:35What about your inner demons?
18:37Scared of them.
18:38If we go just up here a bit, I'm going to keep well out of your way.
18:48That's good.
18:49Let that swing around and give it a tiny little twitch as you go.
18:52And then you can take a step down after this one.
18:58That's it.
19:03I think someone had a go at it, then.
19:04Did it?
19:05I think so, yeah.
19:06You got any sunglasses, Bob?
19:08Yeah.
19:09Can you put them on?
19:10In the interests of your sourdough?
19:11I got too excited.
19:13Yeah, fair play.
19:17You did get excited, didn't you?
19:22That's nice.
19:24If you were a trap, where would you want to lie in a pool like this?
19:28Well, I'd go in the very quiet areas over there.
19:30Would you?
19:31Yeah.
19:31Because you'd be lazy, aren't you?
19:33Indolent.
19:35Well, that's a good cast.
19:40Yes!
19:42Missed him.
19:46Good fish?
19:48Bad fish for me.
19:49He nicked off, didn't he?
19:50Yeah?
19:51Don't walk while you're fishing.
19:53I'm really glad I found another W that I can shout at you not to do.
20:02Ah, Bob!
20:03I'm sorry.
20:15There comes a time when you have to knock it on the head for a bit, Bob.
20:41Come in. Your time is off.
20:45I'm just going to take you. You look so heroic.
21:02Oh! Glad it won't break.
21:04That wind is really difficult. Challenging.
21:08Are you hungry, Paul? I am a little bit.
21:11A little bit? Yeah.
21:12I've got something nice for us to have.
21:13And, you know, for once, in recent months, it's slightly heart-healthy, so...
21:18Ah, some heart health.
21:19Yeah, you can tuck in.
21:21If we're not careful, Bob, we get a little bit blasé, don't we?
21:23You do.
21:24I think we have to keep banging the drum, you know?
21:26I've spoken to other people who've had heart surgery and so on,
21:29and every one of us is great for six months.
21:31Yeah.
21:32No saturated fats, no sugar, packing, smoking and all that.
21:35But then the creep comes in.
21:37The creep, innit?
21:38And that's where I think that if the person's got a significant other, wife, whatever,
21:44we've really got to kick in and help with the candle because...
21:47Yeah.
21:48About six months, you think, yeah, yeah.
21:50Yeah, I'm all right.
21:50I've got new pipes.
21:52Yeah.
21:53Yeah.
21:54Got to keep going, though.
21:55Got to.
21:56How would you help me if I was, if you, you know, you saw me tucking into cakes and puddings?
22:01What was your...
22:01I'll have half of that.
22:03That would be my offer of help.
22:07All right, Bobby, shall we?
22:09Ah!
22:10Cool, that was almost dynamic, that.
22:12Hey, don't slide back now.
22:14Can you do that?
22:15I don't want to.
22:18You should.
22:18OK.
22:19Ten of them a day, you'll live an extra ten years.
22:21Yeah.
22:23What is it?
22:24This?
22:25That's it, yeah?
22:27Well, yeah, it's good, innit?
22:32Right, I'll have a little fish around the corner while you conjure up whatever it is you're making.
22:45Nice.
22:57When I first saw you something stood within me
23:01You were standing softly in the rain
23:05If I could have held you
23:09I would have held you
23:11Rip it up and start again
23:14Rip it up and start again
23:18That's the one.
23:20Rip it up and start again
23:24I hope to God you're not as dumb as you make up
23:29I hope to God
23:31I hope to God
23:33And I hope to God I'm not as dumb as you make up
23:38Oh, you didn't ready!
23:40You want it hot!
23:42I got it.
23:44Hey, boss.
23:55All right, chef.
23:57You took your time.
23:58Have you enjoyed it?
24:00Just fish tart, Bob.
24:01Ooh, some burnt offerings, yeah?
24:04Yeah, it's a...
24:05I mean, it's not a venison burger
24:07I think I call it...
24:08I cooked it on stones, Paul, the meat
24:11What the earth has gotten into you?
24:14Oh, it's your hair?
24:15Yeah.
24:15Yeah.
24:16You cooked it on stones
24:17I cooked it on stones?
24:18You overcooked it on stones, yeah?
24:20No, it's beautiful.
24:21Look at that.
24:22Oh, no, the bun!
24:24This is this Scottish bun, what do they call it?
24:25Burnt buns?
24:26Oh, burnt buns, yeah.
24:27Dark buns, black buns.
24:28Dark buns, yeah.
24:29Very good for you, Venice, isn't it?
24:32Least fatty of all the meats.
24:35Hmm?
24:36Do you know that bun's all right?
24:38Hmm.
24:39It is.
24:42Oh, no fishing here, Paul.
24:43Beautiful, no.
24:44Cos I knew nothing of this place, it's magical.
24:47Part Hobbit, part Canada.
24:49Yeah.
24:51Come on, let's get back out there.
24:52It's our last chance, this, for another trout or a salmon.
24:55Come on, then.
24:55I'm going to go up and try another little spot, yeah?
25:22Yeah, right, where?
25:23Up here, up here, right, just round that bend, okay?
25:26All right, all right.
25:26Go on, then.
25:28Bonne chance.
25:28Oops.
25:46Oops.
25:56Oops.
25:57yes oh it's tiny it's really tiny a little tiny some power paul hasn't got a salmon
26:14wait till I tell him let's get him back because he's precious
26:20off you go he's gone and away oh well that's nice because a young'un's hopeful for the future
26:36no joy Paul now you Bob no trout nothing I thought it would be easier you know what up there yeah
26:55I've given my all is this why the salmon surprise because it's so hard to catch well really we've
27:04been very lucky Bob as I say you know in the past we've done very well but yeah it'd be a hell of a
27:11fisherman I think so don't you get down on yourself oh thank you a hell of a fisherman oh that could
27:16catch a salmon here yeah maybe there's one person I don't know do you know I mean there'll be some
27:22old-timer who knows exactly where to get them I'm not person I caught a salmon pull watch it on the
27:28Sally I got a salmon yes hello Harry Harry what are you doing right I just wondered if you fancy doing
27:46the series again well I'm sick of that multiple keep trying Paul you might get one
27:53when there's something to see if it's not now then it's never so I'll see it as I have no doubt
28:21no doubt let's get married
28:27I love you and I want to stay with you let's get married I'm a cat's road free with you let's get married
28:39get married
28:40hold hands walking apart let's get married let's get married
28:45we know all the people who dreamt of art who broke each other's heart
29:04you
29:06you
29:07you
29:10you
29:11you
29:12you
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